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Living in a blended family with your stepsiblings can lead to some rivalry and tension at first. Even if you generally get along, there’s still some underlying competition for both parents’ attention and affection. Sometimes, it can hurt even to consider the idea that you’re (allegedly) not loved as much as the others.
Redditor u/Ok_Mills_4869 turned to the AITA community for some impartial advice about an emotionally tough situation at home. The teenager believes that his dad has been focusing so much on his stepsiblings that he has no time for him. So, he decided not to get his dad a birthday gift this year and even ignored him on his big day.
Read on for the full story and the tips various internet users gave the teen. Bored Panda has reached out to the author for further comment, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from him.
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In some families, siblings constantly compete for their parents’ love and attention. It can be tough when they have ‘favorites’
Image credits: djoronimo / Envato (not the actual photo)
An anonymous teenager asked the internet for advice after sharing how his dad has been prioritizing his stepsiblings over him
Image credits: Image-Source / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ok_Mills_4869
You can feel closer to your family members if you have small traditions and rituals you stick to
Image credits: prostooleh / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Family traditions are very important when it comes to strengthening the bonds you have with your relatives. It doesn’t matter what the particular traditions are as much as the fact that they happen.
They can range from annual birthday gifts and daily meals together to dressing up in fancy costumes for the holidays and hiking every Sunday.
However, as time goes by, some people change. And, unfortunately, some beloved traditions fall by the wayside because they don’t feel ‘right’ anymore. Their disappearance might be temporary. Or other traditions will eventually take the place of older ones. Or the older traditions are forced to evolve to match a new (hopefully, better, healthier) dynamic within the family.
If you find that some of those traditions no longer make sense, the best thing to do is to talk to your relatives about it.
Maybe their behavior has changed in a way that you feel disconnected and unwilling to participate in those same traditions. Maybe those traditions take up too much time and energy. Maybe the issue isn’t the traditions themselves, but there are other underlying issues that you need to tackle first.
Mutual respect and empathy both go a long way when it comes to moving past family tensions
Image credits: zinkevych / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author of the story opened up to the AITA online community about how time and again he’s talked with his dad about how neglected he feels. It’s understandable that nobody should feel left out or ignored.
With that being said, the situation might not be as clear-cut as it seems at first. There are two sides to every story. Real life is rarely (if ever) black and white like movie scenarios. On the one hand, yes, the dad should not have favorites and ought to try to treat all of his kids equally.
However, the teenager could—ideally—also put in the effort to show some goodwill and try to get along with his stepsiblings. If he constantly pushes them away and sees them (only) as rivals for his dad’s love, then there’s no way that the situation at home will stabilize. Everyone needs to try to get on the same page here.
“I told him I didn’t care about them or their feelings or whether they feel loved and wanted. I told him I don’t feel loved and wanted. I feel resentful of the fact he gives them credit for my gifts, he cancels on me for them, but won’t give the same back,” the author wrote online.
If left unchecked and unmediated, sibling rivalry can grow into something completely out of control
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
Sibling rivalry primarily focuses on competing for the parents’ or caregivers’ attention, favor, and resources. It also involves protesting about others getting more than their fair share of these things.
Rivalry in family settings revolves around developing personal qualities or finding unique successes to make you stand out from your siblings and get your parents’ attention.
Too much rivalry can end incredibly badly, by leading to aggressive behavior and trying to undermine each other. The line gets crossed when there’s clear intent to harm someone else, whether physically, emotionally, or psychologically. In order to avoid all of that, it really helps if the parents spot any frustrations before they boil over, and mediate the conflicts.
Empathy, open and honest communication, active listening, looking for compromises, and avoiding judging each other—all of these are the most powerful tools in any person’s arsenal. In some cases, the parents’ involvement as mediators might not be enough. They may need to see a therapist who specializes in family dynamics, for example.
What advice would you give the teenager, dear Pandas? Do you think he was right to ignore his dad on his birthday to make his point or do you think there was a healthier way to handle the situation? What do you think can help in situations where the siblings constantly compete for their parents’ affection? What would you do if you were in the author’s shoes? Let us know what you think in the comments.
The author interacted with some of his readers and shared more context in the comments
Most people were on the teen’s side. Here’s what they had to say about the tense situation at home
Some internet users saw the situation from a slightly different perspective. Here’s their take
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What do you think ?
TribbleThinking 3 months ago (edited)
Tell him not to be ridiculous. They spent time and attention on him on his birthday, and probably got him a present. You've seen how this works, ALL THE CHILDREN get credit for what he gets. Having contributed more than your share over the years, you're actually in credit with the Presents from the Children Pool, so for the next several years, you're good for all his gifts. And then give them a big smile.
CanadianDimes 3 months ago
"I'll try to let you down less" is not something anyone should ever say to someone they love. You should try not to let them down *at all* - of course it will happen, but you should always be trying for it not to happen.
Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 3 months ago
Plus, he's essentially orphaning his own child as the 16 year old lost his mother, and the closest thing he has to family are honorary grandparents. What the heck is wrong with the dad that he can't spot that his son literally has no one other than his dad...and his dad is making it super important that his step children take priority because somehow he feels worse for them, than for his own son whose mother died. Sorry for the mother of all run on sentences but holy c**p. Also, the dad's relationship moved way, way too fast and is likely codependent as can be.
Load More Replies...
StumblingThroughLife 3 months ago
Poor kid. I wholeheartedly agree with the NTA, and especially the one, re: he lost his mum, and then his dad. The dad will regret it - too late, in years to come, & it will serve him right.
Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 3 months ago
This one was so heartbreaking because that kid is now utterly alone except for some kind neighbors who act as honorary grandparents. And those step children are going to grow up and have their own issues regardless of how attentive OP's dad is to them.
Load More Replies... TribbleThinking 3 months ago (edited)
Tell him not to be ridiculous. They spent time and attention on him on his birthday, and probably got him a present. You've seen how this works, ALL THE CHILDREN get credit for what he gets. Having contributed more than your share over the years, you're actually in credit with the Presents from the Children Pool, so for the next several years, you're good for all his gifts. And then give them a big smile.
CanadianDimes 3 months ago
"I'll try to let you down less" is not something anyone should ever say to someone they love. You should try not to let them down *at all* - of course it will happen, but you should always be trying for it not to happen.
Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 3 months ago
Plus, he's essentially orphaning his own child as the 16 year old lost his mother, and the closest thing he has to family are honorary grandparents. What the heck is wrong with the dad that he can't spot that his son literally has no one other than his dad...and his dad is making it super important that his step children take priority because somehow he feels worse for them, than for his own son whose mother died. Sorry for the mother of all run on sentences but holy c**p. Also, the dad's relationship moved way, way too fast and is likely codependent as can be.
Load More Replies... StumblingThroughLife 3 months ago
Poor kid. I wholeheartedly agree with the NTA, and especially the one, re: he lost his mum, and then his dad. The dad will regret it - too late, in years to come, & it will serve him right.
Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 3 months ago
This one was so heartbreaking because that kid is now utterly alone except for some kind neighbors who act as honorary grandparents. And those step children are going to grow up and have their own issues regardless of how attentive OP's dad is to them.
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