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Being a parent to a daredevil or two, you’d know how bold and in your face they may be. Often, kids don’t have a well-established filter of what to say and what is better left silent, and hence, there are an abundance of hilarious stories parents tell their dates over dinner many years later, making them blush.
Ask teachers, they know that very well. In fact, Redditor Moosepajamas did just that and posed a fun question “Teachers of Reddit, what is the funniest thing you’ve ever heard a student say?” As you can imagine, the thread blew up immediately with stories that push the term hilarious to a whole new level.
Below we selected some of the funniest responses for your entertainment, so scroll down below and share your thoughts in the comments!
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#1
Math prof. I finished a proof and to check understanding, I asked “does everyone understand my choices?” One of my favorite students ever piped up and said “are we talking about your proof or how you’ve chosen to live your life?”
“Over the years, teachers collect interesting stories from their students,” Lynn How, the positivity coach, experienced educator and author of “Positive Young Minds” told Bored Panda in an interview. Lynn specializes in supporting parents, teachers, and children as they navigate through mental health issues and prevention, and she also runs this Facebook teacher coaching group which is an excellent resource for teachers in need of support when leaving, changing their mindset, changing their schools or setting healthy work/life boundaries.
#2
Once when I worked as a lunch lady, one of my favorite little kindergarten girls was getting ready to run out to recess. I stopped her and said, "Hannah, you should wash your face before you go out - there's spaghetti sauce all over it." She took off anyway screaming, "IT'S MY WAR PAINT!"
#3
He asked me "If a synchronized swimmer starts drowning, do they all start drowning?"
I lost it in class
#4
I teach band. One day I’m working with the high school jazz band and we’re going to start mapping out some basic compositions. I pass out blank sheet music for them to use, which is simply blank 5-line staves with no notes, no symbols, etc.
One kid gets his sheet music expecting it to be a new song we’re going to work on, sees that it’s blank, looks up, and says “Wow, budget cuts must’ve hit us hard, huh?”
Having been in education for 20 years, Lynn has a lot of stories to share. “The most memorable for me has been the time where a seven-year-old girl relayed the tale of her father amputating his own leg to escape death 127 hours style. The 'matter of fact' delivery was priceless!” Lynn recounted. Turns out this was far from the only time.
On the other occasion, “the five-year-old who explained the arrival of her surprise cousin the day before, as mum didn't know she was expecting. I couldn't wait until the end of the day to get the full story! Then the boy who, after I had provided my class with a five-minute rant about something or other, didn't get the memo about what you should do when the class is sitting in stunned silence post teacher rant, who just said very loudly, 'Miss, I think you need to calm down.' He was right.”
#5
In the middle of class, one kid let out this high-pitcher ‘awooga-boots’ noise followed by a deep sigh.
He then looked around the classroom and very genuinely apologized that he “just needed to get it out. It was doing no good inside.”
We all understood.
#6
Middle school field trip to a different state. One of the chaperones (a large black woman) wanted to get in a little nap in the back seat of the bus, so she made one of the students move to a seat in the front that was far from his friends. He got in the seat and started sulking. He was normally a pretty lively kid, so I leaned forward and asked "dude, what happened?" To which he replied: "I think I just got reverse Rosa Parks-ed!"
#7
I worked in an innercity school. First day, I got around hard to pronounce names by calling out last names to check attendance, and asking my kiddos what name they preferred... and explained even nicknames were ok, so long as parents knew who I would be calling about. I get to one particularly dark skinned young man and he says something that sounds like “bluk boi” I look around and no one is laughing. I ask him to repeat himself a couple of times and finally and clearly says, “black boy”. Rest of convo went like this-
Me laughing: black boy!? You want me to call you black boy?!
Him, totally serious: yeah, everyone calls me that. Even my grandma.
Me: so let me get this straight, when I need your attention you want me, a white guy, to shout out “hey Black boy come here.”, “hey black boy, sit down”, “hey black boy pay attention”? Other kids finally realize what I’ve been laughing about and start to laugh too.
Him: yeah (said like I’m an idiot)
Me: you’re just trying to get me fired aren’t you
Him: so you’re not gonna call me black boy?
Me: I can’t man. Did you get another nickname?
Him: How about Monkey
We settled on BB for the year.
“Finally, the information that you find out from children's news reports on a Monday morning, which, in one school, involved tales of slightly drunken parents who frequented a bar named 'The Horny Toad.' That was a fun conversation at parents' evening,” Lynn recounted when asked about the most memorable things her students have said.
#8
A student hugged me goodbye, taking in a deep inhale as they did.
They then smiled up at me lovingly and said; “Your shirt smells like a grandma, but your armpits smell like chuck-e-cheese.”
#9
On Fridays, preschoolers and kindergarteners get their faces painted in the afternoon. Most kids want to be dinosaurs, fairies, or unicorns. One little girl asked to be God
#10
I had a student who was a newcomer (just moved to the US, almost no English) from Latvia. This kid is very bright and was one of my favorite 6th graders ever. We were having our annual jogathon, which is linguistically and culturally not translatable from Latvian.
Student: So I pay you and you make me run?
Me: Yeah, that's actually how it goes.
Student: This is simple. I don't pay you, you don't make me run.
Me: uhhhh....
I asked how you teach kids boundaries of what they can and can't say to their teachers, and Lynn said that the bottom line here is teaching children respect by earning their respect. “It's often interesting to hear the way in which they talk to their parents, as they would generally never talk to you like that.”
Moreover, she explained: “Teachers are nurturing people and when a boundary is crossed in this department, then they will explain to the student that the way in which they have spoken has not been respectful. Although in some instances, getting support from more senior colleagues in schools is important as I'm hearing of more and more occasions when students have increasing difficulty in understanding these boundaries.”
#11
It was my formal evaluation day. My evaluator (my assistant principal) was in the back of the room, writing down everything I said and did and everything my kids said and did. I had great kids so I wasn’t in the least bit worried. It was during the first period and they were quiet and working on assignments during announcements. Quiet and engaged and working. Beautiful. Then we got to the joke of the day.
“What did the wave say to the shore?”
And my class smarta** (who I adored, btw, he was hilarious) YELLS
“WHAT UP, BEACH?”
I totally laughed.
Did fine on my evaluation.
#12
I teach Koreans. There is no "V" sound in the Korean language, so a lot of stuff with a "V" becomes a "P" or "B". Balentine's Day, for example. They know what a "V" is, so pronunciation just depends on if they've read the word using the Korean alphabet or the English one.
One time, a group of students wanted to do a skit about Sailor Venus. So the whole skit was about "Sailor Penis," "Sailor Penis" fights using Penis's power of love, and ties down enemies using her special penis love chain.
#13
I’m a physics teacher and I used to do a problem where I shoved a random boy group off a cliff (I think that year it was one direction). Anyways I set up the whole scenario and problem and I look at the class and ask “what’s the first step” a boy who was usually fairly quiet chimes in with “Mr. we need to hide the bodies”
For those who’re wondering of a teacher's reaction after getting a very uncomfortable question from a student, Lynn says that teachers are used to fielding difficult questions, especially from younger children. “Generally, a sense of humor is all that is needed to combat many lines of enquiry. For personal questions, we can just say, 'that's not a question I'll be answering,' or 'please, could you ask your parents that one?' Ultimately, we want students to ask questions as we want them to have enquiring minds, so there are lots of times where I have just answered the question, even if it was a bit awkward. Often this was at lunchtime when the rest of the class had left!”
Lynn added that “of course we also want children to feel that they can approach us with any worries or problems and we should always be on the lookout for those questions or disclosures that warrant further investigation.”
#14
I had a student ask me when the world stopped being in black and white and changed to color.
He was 16.
#15
I teach elementary school. Last year, I had a very bright kid who was on top of it except for his desk. Looked like multiple tornadoes hit that thing. I tried to appeal to his scientific side by telling him about a study about how clutter affects the brain. His response? "I'm from Europe, it's different for us."
#16
Wore a Captain America shirt to school since the student council had a superhero day. A student said I looked like Captain America, before the injections
#17
Was tutoring after-school a couple of years ago. A kid asked, "What time is it?" I joked, "Time for you to get a watch."
He responded "Time for you to get a new joke," without a moment's hesitation.
I had to laugh at getting shown up by a 5th grader. Two reading levels behind but witty as hell.
#18
I was giving my student silent e spelling words. Me: your next word is "cute" 6-year-old boy: Oh, so you mean I should just write your name down here?
His dad was so proud lol
#19
I have a fantastic story for this. Tl dr at the end.
I'm Not a teacher but when I was in 8th grade we had a teacher who was pregnant and often chewed us out.
She taught us in an elective class that was basically for fun projects and creative learning. The class was a reward for students who scored highly enough on exams.
Not that we were saints by any means but the way she was rather mean toward us wasn't appropriate looking back.
One day she gave us an extended lecture on how tomorrow's historical society powerpoint presentations were to be of the utmost seriousness. God help us if we don't treat this like our lives depend on it.
So naturally, our class clown hatches a brilliant idea:
He memorizes word for word his entire PowerPoint on some ancient culture, makes some edits, and the next day very seriously turns the flash drive over to her.
He starts, and he has (unbeknownst to anyone) changed the entire PowerPoint font to WingDings, which is just random symbols hahaha.
He proceeds to do the entire presentation with dead-faced stoicism while we all laugh our a**es off.
She said nothing.
The following Monday she had resigned and requested a transfer to another school. Our favorite teacher replaced her making it the best class we all would take.
All hail the WingDings guy.
Edit tl;dr: kid memorized and gave an entire PowerPoint in wingdings and it caused a teacher to quit.
#20
Besides being called Mom numerous times, I've been called Grandpa once. (I'm female.)
#21
“I thought Astronomy would be easy because I know all about it but he hasn’t even brought up horoscopes yet and we’re 6 weeks in.”
#22
I teach elementary band. One time we were preparing for a challenging playing test and a student said “Man, I need to practice.” Without missing a beat the kid next to him says “My mom says I need Jesus.”
#23
Not a teacher but when I was in middle school our teacher started the day by ranting about how kids these days need to go outside more to get Vitamin D because it’ll make them not depressed and a lot happier.
Halfway through the class she gets into an ungodly rage probably about something trivial. The minute she’s done, without skipping a beat, my buddy says:
“Why don’t you go outside and look at the sun?”
The class starts dying with laughter, but the teacher doesn’t find it so funny. He actually got suspended for that one.
Lovin' Life 2 years ago
He should not have been suspended. You cannot suspend a child for something you just taught them
#24
We were talking about cheetahs. Some kid said he could beat a cheetah in a race. The class predictably laughs and the kid shuts up. A minute later he just turns around and says "I can beat a FAT cheetah in a race."
#25
One time a kid asked me what I wanted to do when I grow up.
Legen ( wait for it ) dary 2 years ago
I'm a grow up and I ask my kids what they want to be when they grow up looking for ideas.
#27
When observing another teacher during my training year.
Q: How do you make a hormone
A: Don't pay her.
Could not contain my laughter.
#28
Picture this: 7th Grade Science
Student A: Miss drivesonacid, where do babies come from?
Student B: Well, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they get a bottle of Scotch and a cheap motel room.
I loved that kid. He graduated a few years ago. His father thought that line was hilarious. I love parents like that.
Another class, 9th grade Earth Science
Student C: Miss drivesonacid, what's at the end of a black hole?
(Me preparing to actually explain black holes)
Student D: TuPac
#29
6th grader: "Would you rather get stabbed in the stomach, or have a bar of chocolate?"
#30
A student's mom offloaded a hamster to the kindergarten class I was student teaching in. I asked the kid what the hamster's name was, and he simply responded "Bob Taco".
#31
My teacher asked the class “what do you guys want to be when you grow up”, kid replied “trash man”. She asked why and he said “pays better than your salary” she laughed and then sent him to the office anyway.
Final score:
172points
Madison Arthur 2 years ago
That was a petty move it's the truth whether it was offensive or not and the trash man is a very important part of this society one of the most important if he or she didn't show up you would have real problems just let them go 2 weeks without pickup get real lady
#32
Once someone created a ritual and It erupted into an entire class thing.
What do you think ?
Jasper Cool 2 years ago (edited)
I used to work at a Boys and Girls Club with 180 kids. I would sometimes get asked about my facial mole by the 8-9 year old girls. Could you catch moles from someone else or was I born with it. When I told them I developed it in 4th grade one of them was panicked and said "Oh no you mean I could get one?" Hard not to laugh at a 9 year old's brutally honest horror about my facial mole. The sweetest and most surprising thing was that it was always the 6 year olds who noticed when my hair was cut or colored or I got my eyebrows shaped or dyed. Little six year old boys and girls telling me they liked my eyebrows was so heartwarming.
Luna Dusty 2 years ago
Talking about St. Patrick's Day and I asked the students, "What does the leprechaun give you if you catch him?" A kindergartener says without a beat, "A Motorcycle." 🤣
Jasper Cool 2 years ago (edited)
I used to work at a Boys and Girls Club with 180 kids. I would sometimes get asked about my facial mole by the 8-9 year old girls. Could you catch moles from someone else or was I born with it. When I told them I developed it in 4th grade one of them was panicked and said "Oh no you mean I could get one?" Hard not to laugh at a 9 year old's brutally honest horror about my facial mole. The sweetest and most surprising thing was that it was always the 6 year olds who noticed when my hair was cut or colored or I got my eyebrows shaped or dyed. Little six year old boys and girls telling me they liked my eyebrows was so heartwarming.
Luna Dusty 2 years ago
Talking about St. Patrick's Day and I asked the students, "What does the leprechaun give you if you catch him?" A kindergartener says without a beat, "A Motorcycle." 🤣
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