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It can be very frustrating as a child, to know that the various adults in your life have access to all sorts of insider knowledge that, for one reason or another, they are keeping away from you. But kids aren’t dumb and very often pick up bits and pieces of what is going on, even if they can’t immediately put them together.
Someone asked “What family secret did you suspect in childhood, but weren't able to confirm until adulthood?” and people shared their discoveries. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and share your own thoughts and experiences in the comments section below.

#1

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults My mom had a cousin she talked about a lot, who died back in the 70's. She (the cousin) had married a Pakistani man who abused her, after she got away she "[took her own life]" by jumping off a building. Her husband and his brothers had been seen in the area, everybody knew they had thrown her off but nobody could prove anything so nothing happened to them. Cut to the cousin's funeral, her husband and the brothers showed up, like they wanted to make sure she was dead. For years that's where the story ended as far as I knew. Later on, I found out from another relative who had been there that after the husband and brothers walked into the funeral home's chapel, some men from my family dragged them back out and didn't come back in. The men from my family turned up later that day and wouldn't tell anybody where they had gone; the husband and his brothers were never seen again.

IHadAnOpinion , Pavel Danilyuk / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#2

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults That my aunt did not die of an asthma attack in her sleep, but took her own life. She had been very depressed. As an adult they admitted she purposely overdosed. As a child with asthma, I wish they had just told me the truth because before I started to suspect it was a lie I was terrified that I was going to die too.

Cabbage-floss , Engin Akyurt / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#3

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults I thought I had a half-sibling that my parents refused to discuss. Based on my mother reading books about adopted children finding birth parents, and also she graduated a year later than her her twin sister, because of rheumatic fever. I wondered if it was "romantic fever".

My dad died in 2006. In 2009 my mother called to tell me that my father had another daughter, and she'd just made contact with my mother. It turns out my father abandoned a pregnant girlfriend before he met my mother. He did tell my mother about the sordid affair but swore her to secrecy.

So yes, I was right. Stunned to be right, but happy. My sister is my best friend now.

mermaidpaint , luizph / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#4

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults My (48f) grandpa was murdered by a an uncle married to moms sister.

He sexually abused my mother and her 3 sisters. He died when I was 4. I have vague memories of him.

Just after he died my aunt divorced the uncle. At age 12, I overheard my other uncles, 2 were mom’s brothers, and 1 married moms baby sister, talking about a vow they had made to keep me from being a victim of grandpa. At 16, I figured it out. The uncle that actually murdered him (a hero) was a jeweler and insulin dependent diabetic . He used cyanide in jewelry making. Grandpa drank a 36 pack of beer every night. I suspected he injected cyanide into a random beer. My aunt saw grandpa alive at 2 am. Uncle woke up at 5 am and grandpa was dead and stiff. His body was cremated and uncle vanished. I mentioned my suspicions to my cousin, who relayed them to his father.

3 years ago, the uncle was dying. He reached out to me and told me I had actually figured out how grandpa died. He waited until he was dying since there is no statute of limitations for murder.

Somerset76 , cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#5

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults That was not a tomato plant growing in a pot that I couldn't tell my friends about.

EnoughPlastic4925 , Eva Bronzini / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#6

As I was cleaning out my dad's house after his passing, I found letters that my mom and dad wrote to each other around the time they divorced in the early 2000's, as well as a handful of both their diary entries. I have always suspected that my mom cheated on my dad with my best friend's dad, which effectively ended my first friendship, but those letters confirmed it. But I didn't know the full extent of what else my mom had done. She sabotaged him by draining their joint bank accounts, racking up tens of thousands in credit card debt, kicking him out of his house, and getting him fired from his job, eventually forcing him into retirement. With him unemployed, he couldn't afford to pay child support, leaving only my mom's income which was barely enough to support us. Basically, if she hasn't been so vindictive, we wouldn't have wound up in such dire financial straits.

It's pretty telling that my dad never spoke ill of her, just said that he was blindsided and confused by her choices, and jealous of her current partner. On the other hand, my mom only ever said negative things about him and when she was angry with me, she would compare me to him. Projection 101.

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#7

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults That my parents cheated on each other. When I was young, My parents both worked at different times, and rarely were together at the same time at the house. And my mom would always bring over my dad's older brother. And my dad would bring my mom's Younger sister. They found out about each other's affairs, and they laughed it off, while I was in the corner with my Older sibling, Crying more than If a gamer lost all of his progress in a small mistake. And now, My mom married my uncle, and my dad married my aunt, And their Friends, And I have 3 half siblings now, And we all live happily in The Confusing US Of A.

Silly_Storm_5515 , Ron Lach/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#8

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults I remember, as a teenager, thinking at one point "my parents probably havent had sex in years". This past fall my mom caught my dad cheating....with men. he's gay.

axebodyspray24 , Stanley Dai / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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#9

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults My mother's potato soup was so good because it was mainly butter and cream with a few pieces of potato.

Accomplished_Kiwi756 , Julia Kicova / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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#10

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults Most of my grandma’s kids were not her husband’s. Granny got around.

InternetImportant253 , Eduardo Barrios/ unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

#11

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults My dad was never a Navy Seal, even though he spent my entire life telling me stories about it. It wasn't until he died that I found his DD-214. He was only in the Navy for 10 months and was discharged with "under honorable conditions". He never fought in a war. He was never captured or shot. He never shot anyone. He was just a regular guy. I wish he knew that we never wanted him to be anything but our dad.

artsycraftsy626 , Michael Afonso / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

#12

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults My dad was in jail for a few months when I was around 8 years old.

I was told he was at work... and he couldn't call us because it was a really big project. I heard my mom talking about him being "locked up" and thought he got trapped in the vents somewhere? He did HVAC work. It made sense to me at the time I guess. When he came back, it was like nothing changed.

Turns out he was a d**g dealer!

send_me_jokes_plz , Donald Tong / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#13

My nan had a daughter before she married my grandfather and he made her adopt the child out. The child would have been about 3 years old by that time.

My nan and grandfather got together by default. They were messing around with each other behind their partners backs and Nan got pregnant. Her partner left. His partner left. They were forced to marry each other.

It was a marriage full of regrets and Grandad eventually left her for another woman.

She died with her first husbands photo in her wallet. By luck, I found his family and it turned out that he also had her picture in his wallet when he died.

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#14

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults My parents are married but hate each other. It really messed up my perspective on a healthy relationship.

Emotional_Cherry_788 , Alex Green / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#15

I'm still convinced at least one of my parents had another kid before they got married and I have a half-sibling or two running around out there

Ok, I'm 55 so maybe not running exactly, but old-person trotting.

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#16

I found the identity of my biological father. Nobody in my family would talk about who he was because my mother was 17 when I was born and I was the family scandal (back in the early 80s). I grew up thinking he didn't know about me or care about me if he did know. I was definitely wrong and found out my family threatened him to stay away from me. I did a lot of digging some years ago and found out that side of the family knew about me and would have loved me very much. I also had siblings. Really made me angry at the family I grew up with. My bio father also died before I got to meet him.

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#17

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults That my "Uncle Joe" who always came to family gatherings wasn't really an uncle, but my dad's poker buddy who just loved free food.

Recent-Guard6900 , August de Richelieu / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#18

When I was a kid, I always found my grandfather to be a complete a*****e. He was a ground adult (religious conservative) with an inability to regulate his emotions. As a result he often had these angry outbursts where he would just go off on these screaming rants unhinged. While he was never *physically* abusive, people had to walk on eggshells around him. At 8 years old I wrote a letter to him asking him to be nicer, and he responded by screaming in my face. The dude was a complete d**k, he was a very bad person, and I was very happy when he died.

Later on, it came out that he was a pedo as well and sexually molested my mother when she was a kid. I was definitely not surprised to hear that. So I am happy the dude is nothing more than a rotting corpse. He also had a very fast development of Alzheimer's in the last couple years of his life and degraded very quickly, I hope it was painful for him.

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#19

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults I was an accident

My parents were already on the verge of a divorce and my mom suddenly got pregnant despite having tried for over 4 years.

I always felt like i was in the way, or not welcome. My feelings were confirmed when my dad threw me out right after high school graduation.

SpidermanBread , Leah Newhouse / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#20

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults My grandmother’s amazingly delicious lemon meringue pie which I assumed she spent hours labouring over was made with Jello lemon pie filling.

BOGMTL , Geraud pfeiffer / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#21

My parents both had blue eyes and so did my 5 siblings. I was the only one with brown eyes.
I always had the feeling as a child that my dad wasn't my biological dad and I was probably from the postman.
I loved biology and science in general in middle school, so when I learned about genetics I learned that he couldn't be my biological father because of my eye colour. I knew back then I'm an affair child, but she denied everything.

As I grew older it turns out, none of us children are his biological kids and my mother cheated on my dad with her FIL, making my grandpa my dad and my dad my brother.

Sorry for bad english, it's not my first language.

EDIT: As some of you stated, there are still chances that two blue eyed parents might have a brown eyed child. My observation as a child was based on my middle school biology knowledge and my gut feeling. I didn't chose a job in the field of science so I'd never claim to be even close to an expert regarding genetics.
It's definitely not my intention to do harm to anyone with my comment. Hope this helps :).

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#22

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults My uncle was a made guy in the mob.

drawnnquarter , cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#23

Early teens I had a sort of paranoia about my parents getting divorced.   my mom was being treated for cancer and she died when I was almost 15.  
I always put it down to the general eerie uneasiness of those years, plus the fact that an awful lot of the YA books that I read at the time did feature divorce.   


40 years later my dad is in his 90's and he and I are hanging out, and he gets it off his chest that as soon as she realised her diagnosis had kiboshed our immigration to Canada, she began pushing him to take us kids anyway and just leave her behind.   "I couldn't do that" he said.  "I hope I was right."   


So I **had** caught a vibe.   .

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#24

That my married parents rarely had sex.

Confirmed by my mom last year when she randomly told me while on a walk that they hadn't had sex in 17 years. No, I didn't ask her, she just brought it up. Thanks, Mom.

I'm in my 30's.

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#25

When I was a kid, my dad would go out for dinner every Friday with another family. It was explained to me that was his mistress family and mum put her foot down.

Only ater when trying to compose a family tree did I realise all the kids from the other family were older than me.

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#26

My dad was cheating on my mom with that woman we met up with when we were looking at colleges in California. He was a headhunter and traveled a decent amount for work, generally to the west coast because he did a lot of work for biotech firms. We went out there when I was in high school because I was interested in a few west coast schools - UCSD, ULCA, Pepperdine, and he had a rugby tournament on Catalina Island with his old club.

While we were out there, we met up with her for lunch one day in LA - All I knew was she was one of the people he had placed with one of the companies that had hired him. While we had lunch nobody did anything blatant like PDA or anything but you could cut the tension with a knife - I knew something was off.

Found out about the affair when my parents ultimately got divorced around a decade later - he basically dropped his whole history of infidelity on my mom to hurt her. She wasn't the only one either, just the only one my dad really had feelings for. He was a real piece of s**t.

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#27

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults Grandpa was illiterate. .

Hubbard7 , Andre Ouellet / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

#28

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults My aunt was super gay.

SamanthaPierxe , Ronê Ferreira / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Amy Manzanares
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mother's younger sister was gay. She lived transparently and never hid her sexual preferences. She did marry a man, but he was also gay and was just a dear friend. I tried to tell my mom (the only person on the face of this earth not to get it) and she refused to believe pointing out that her sister was married to a man. I was not going to die on that hill. Denial 101!

geezeronthehill
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My cousin did that. A 'beard' relationship. They actually had one child. Home life was probably interesting.

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The Phantom Stranger
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The best episode of Reba ever: "Van lied. I'm not super gay. In fact I have no powers of gayness whatsoever."

Szzone aka Rottyintós Batman
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As far as stock photos go, this is pretty great. Positive vibe, the outlook, the composition, lighting, everything

Casey Payne
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope her super power was shooting rainbows out of her naughty parts. Anyone caught in the rainbow lost their gender, but enhanced their sexuality. That superhero movie would be a musical and have a rating of NC-17 with lots of interpretive dance numbers.

UncleJohn3000
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So gay that light breaks out into a rainbow while going by her.

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#29

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults Organized crime. No longer a thing, but my grandpa had an interesting childhood to say the least.

beingof-chaos , RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#30

My dad always told me that my birth mom has left us when I was 2 mo old. Then the story changed to "she had died in a car crash" and that's why she wasn't around. I thought he was just trying to spare my feelings but it still didn't make sense even to my kid brains.

Forward a bunch of years, and I get an email from what turns out to be a cousin who found me on ancestry dna. My mother had apparently gone to Cali, then ended up in Florida where she got and died of the cancer.

So most of what ever dad told me was horse puckey,.

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#31

Well, everyone knew about the abuse that I endured as a child and swept it under the rug. As an adult, repressed memories started to come back and, yeah, confirmed.

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#32

My oldest sisters death. I only knew she died as a baby, and heard whisperings that a raccoon was involved. A cousin and I decided it was likely a rabid raccoon at a picnic or something. My parents only ever said she died in her sleep, so I also wondered if it was SIDS.

Last year I decided to look up archived news articles online and found that my dad owned a pet raccoon for whatever reason, and when my sister was only four months old they left to go to a party down the street and abandoned my sister in her crib, and put the raccoon on a leash and looped it around a door handle just outside her room.

When they got back from the party, completely drunk and high, they found the raccoon in her crib eating her fingers, lips, and nose. She was airlifted to the hospital and died on the way.

There was a trial but for some reason they were found innocent. They were quite negligent of me and my brothers so I’m not surprised by the story at all.

As a mother myself, I was terrified of SIDS because there’s evidence it runs in families. Also I still had my daughter sleeping in her bassinet at my bedside at four months old, I couldn’t even imagine sleeping in separate rooms at that age, there’s no way I could leave the house for even five minutes, certainly not for several hours.

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#33

My pop (died before I was born) beat my uncle (his son) to death when my uncle was 3. My dad was the youngest of 6, they immigrated not long after. The oldest at 15 refused to come and stayed in England by herself.
My father never knew, he was told he fell onto train tracks, and he still denies it to this day, he never saw his father abusive at all, they had a good relationship. But the oldest 3 siblings all have the same story.
We believe they immigrated to escape scrutiny.

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#34

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults My uncle was the result of a secret love affair my grandmother had. Also that my aunt on the other side was gay.

Nena902 , Diana Polekhina / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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#35

My grandma gifted me and my twin brother a grey 1984 Buick Regal limited when we turned 18. Plush bench seats with a velvety arm rest. Many a friday night spent cruising riverside Californian boulevards looking or action blasting cannibal corpse on the blue backlit tape deck. One Saturday morning, while my Dad was cleaning it out he found an envelope jammed down beneath the well of the spare tire. The bulky ivory colored business sized envelop contained a wad of twenty dollar bills. 1500 bucks in total! Turns out my Grandpa before his xmas eve heart attack years before, was giving money to his sister who was in an abusive marriage and whom my grandma hated. At the same time my grandparent's marriage was on the rocks, so he must have had to stealthily move funds around to help out his sister. Learned then that money would end up being an important chip in the marriage game.

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#36

My grandmother had always acted weird around my dad. Things like weird looks if he was sarcastic or acted silly. She'd look at him like he was an alien. This was something I'd noticed all through growing up.

The only time I'd ever seen reactions like that before was being over at a multiracial friend's place when they had older relatives, who would always look at the nonwhite parent the same way, like they weren't quite human.

But, I kept thinking, that can't be it, Mom's white, Dad's white, everyone in the family is white.

Well, no, not quite. When I was part of the way through American history, I learned that, for a great deal of time, my Italian Catholic father, even though he's pale and freckled, was Not Quite White in the eyes of more WASP-y individuals.

I kept telling myself, "No, that's just stupid." I also didn't want to ask my parents, and definitely I didn't want to ask my grandmother what the deal was.

Finally, in my mid-twenties, I asked my mom, and she said, yes, that was exactly it. She'd never said an outright word to my dad about it, and he knew she'd always be too "polite" to say anything, would mess with her.

When my mom was pregnant with me, whenever my grandmother would ask what names they were considering, my dad would always answer with stuff like "Giuseppe", just the most Italian names possible. She would always visibly flinch, but say, "Oh, that's nice.".

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#37

This is the shortened version***
So when I was about 10 or 11 my grandpa passed away, he was an amazing guy from what I remember and what everyone told me. After the funeral I was told he owned a restaurant in New York City back in the day, about 5 years later I asked about it again and I was told it was actually a bar. I thought wow my family owned a small bar in New York how awesome! (We’re in Florida now) I’m in my 30’s now and a few years ago I was drinking whiskey with my 2 aunts and they told me he actually owned a gentleman’s club that got raided by the police at some point and that’s partially why my family left New York. I think they had planned to move to Florida anyway this just maybe expedited it. I’m afraid if I ask again in 5 years it’s going to be an opium den/brothel he owned. Him and my grandmother started a hardware business that my mom now owns. Pretty fascinating to think the seed money for my families business may have been started by something “underground”.

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#38

My sister has a different dad. That one just took thinking twice about some math that they'd been normalizing to us since we were tiny. Just didn't think about it! Yeah, she's the only brunette in a family of blondes, but that's my sister!

If anyone asks, my mom fell pregnant at 16, a few months before meeting my 23 year old father. We're not sure if our dad knew, but he's not the kind of magnanimous benefactor that would keep a kid that's not his. I respect my mother's decision, because that kept my sister glued to our side during custody battles, the loss of our mom, adulthood... She secured a childhood for my sister under heinous circumstances.

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#39

“My Dad’s Poker Buddy”: 30 People Share The Family “Secret” They Worked Out As Adults I always found it weird that out of all 4 grandparents, we always called 1 of them by his name. Turns out he was my dad's stepfather and a total piece of s**t. When he died, which to this day I'm unsure when it happened (only that I was around 20), my parents didn't even bother to tell us.

w1987g , Andrea Piacquadio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#40

I knew that even though the woman who gave birth to me had written and promised that she would come back for me, would never actually show up.

And I was right. She apparently moved to another state and had another child that she did manage to keep custody of.

I haven't seen her since I was a baby. I don't remember her.

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#41

That my parents had lived a "different life" before moving us to the middle of nowhere, podunck hicksville when we were all kids, I was about 3 or 4, and that the "life" was the reason we moved. And that my dad isn't my biological dad, I suspected it when I was growing up (he was always super kind just had a feeling he wasn't and his blood type with my mom's wouldn't have equated to mine) and as an adult I was able to search up a bunch of stuff and hire a P.I. I know it all but they don't know I know. I'd never hurt them by telling them but at least I know I'm not crazy.

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#42

My dad was in a relationship with my 15yo cousin (moms side) when she lived in with us for a while after her parents died. I was a toddler at the time. My dad was brought in front of a judge but because my cousin (18 by then) defended him telling the judge "I know what I was doing. I wanted to be in a relationship with him" the whole thing got thrown out. Different times in the 90s I guess... I knew there was something weird going on (they were buddy buddy for a while and then suddenly she moved out and they couldn't be in the same room anymore) but I didn't know exactly what until my cousin had a psychosis and called me at 7am in the morning telling me the whole story. I was 17 when that call came.

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#43

I always had a sneaking suspicion that the man who helped raise my sister and I wasn’t our biological father. I was right. And what’s more is my sister is my half sister. My mom cheated on my dad (numerous times) and got pregnant twice. My dad and I are the only people who know. My mom doesn’t know that we know.

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#44

I have a cousin that just didn't look like his siblings. Found out a few years ago it was confirmed he did not belong to my uncle.

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#45

I didn't suspect it per se, but I did spend much of my childhood wishing I had siblings and thinking 'lmao what if I was adopted or my parents had a secret other family'


Lo and behold about 2/3 years ago I found out I have three half siblings. I'll never meet them for reasons too extensive to explain here but the coincidence is hilarious. .

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#46

Growing up I always suspected that my grandpa regretted divorcing my grandma and that there was a lot more to the story. They both seemed to still love each other and when asked why they divorced, they'd both answer exactly the same "When we came to America we kept arguing a lot and it was better to get a divorce then to keep arguing." And all of his marriages afterwards ended in divorce due to "things just not working out."


Come to find out, my grandparents made it to America together and then about 10 years later they divorced because my grandpa wanted to marry a younger woman. Wife number 2 was an absolute disaster who ended up taking as much money as she could from grandpa and then leaving him once she got her first husband to America. Wife number 3 was a young woman who had a history of mental instability and eventually tried clearing all of his accounts and safes to go join a cult, he then divorced her afterwards.

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#47

The majority of my family doesn’t like or respect my mother.

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#48

That my parents were d**g users. they sometimes in the middle of the night went to the shed (heard them and saw the light turned on) ofcourse i didnt question it. Later i found out about at 9-10 years old and at 11 my mom died. (Fixed my mistake, because im a f*cktard that accidentally used tldr).

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#49

I was the result of the 'shot' in the shotgun wedding.

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#50

That my cousin is my brother.

Well, he is probably my brother but my mum talked them out of demanding a DNA test once when they decided to drive across the country after drinking all night. They were going to accost my uncle, or my dad. In the end they got to Cov, got wasted again and then drove home. I don't know what my mum said to them exactly but they've always listened to my mum.

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#51

That my family was emotionally abusive. After being in no contact for several years.....yes, yes they were.

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#52

That everyone is a f*****g liar.

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