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In 1992, relationship counselor Dr. John Gray published his most famous book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. You don’t need to read it to grasp the fundamental principle that males and females are starkly different species of humans.
Of course, these disparities may lead to surprising discoveries about each other. Today, we’re focusing on the ladies and their most eye-opening realizations about their male counterparts.
These women on Reddit candidly shared their thoughts in a thread from a year ago. Their responses ranged from superficial quirks that caught their attention to more profound existential observations.
As always, enjoy scrolling through this list. Ladies, feel free to chime in. Gentlemen, this should give us all a good insight into how the opposite s*x sees us.
This post may include affiliate links.
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#2
When I was in my early 20s I struggled with stomach issues and was always holding in farts. I was convinced no man would want stinky me. To my surprise, no man I dated has ever cared. When I told my first serious boyfriend I was so scared and said I needed to talk to him. He looked very worried. Then when I told him he roared with laughter and demanded a demonstration. .
#3
They aren't good at getting hints. Most of the time they need to be asked directly to do something.
David Jeffery 10 months ago
I still don't understand why women have a problem with this? If you want a cup of tea, ask for one. Don't just say "is the kettle on?" It isn't nagging, it's asking
lenka 10 months ago (edited)
I agree that we need to be direct. It's important to understand where it came from. Women who are direct are often accused of being high maintenance, demanding, bossy, nagging, entitled etc (the list goes on), or we get given backhanded compliments like, 'She's a firecracker this one'. Society is not kind to direct women so we have largely learnt how to get our needs met in ways that are expected of us...more subtle, less intrusive, more gentle.
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Johnnynatfan 10 months ago
My ex wife left me and I was completely shocked she was not happy to the point she wanted a divorce. While talking about it and desperately trying to get her to not leave I asked her why she didn't tell me how she was feeling before it was too late. She said she hinted at it. You dont hint at something so serious. You come right out and say it.
Sue 9 months ago
But I've seen plenty of relationships end because the wife told them exactly what was wrong, many, many times, & they were surprised she left. For some men, as long as they aren't suffering, they think everything is ok.
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Papa 10 months ago
Not only do men usually not get hints, we often don't even realize they were there.
Binky Melnik 9 months ago
Argh. It seems as if there’s no middle ground! So many times were called bad words for simply asking “Did you empty the dishwasher?” so we try being more oblique and it flies over your heads. It seems as if we can’t win!
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Tobias Reaper 10 months ago
this is the thing if you know guys arent good at taking hints and then you hint at them to do something and get mad if they dont sorry thats on you.
Harry Gondalf 10 months ago
Hey, if you ask a man to do something, he will. You don't have to keep reminding him every six months.
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Tim Richards 9 months ago
Yes, this is called communication. Stop playing games with your stupid "hints."
Harry Gondalf 10 months ago
It was Lenny Bruce or Mort Saul who said, "women marry men hoping they'll change; men marry women hoping they say the same."
David 9 months ago
Just be straight forward with us. I had an ex who would get upset at me all the time bc I didnt pick up on her hints. I mean I wasnt sure what exactly she wanted, so I would ask questions, and she got upset. Just be straight with us. You want X, tell us X. You want us to do an errand? just tell us Can you go out and buy Y
Binky Melnik 9 months ago (edited)
Aha! I think I’ve got the answer now: We’re oblique because of a man or men who called us bad things when we asked directly what we wanted and it’s become our habit, but then we meet someone like you, who won’t call us names for being direct, but we’re entrenched with our habit. I’m learning t kinda late in life, but I *do* appreciate finally learning it! I just hafta hope it makes it into long-term memory in case I meet a man I wanna spend appreciable time with. Thanks a bunch, bud! 💋
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Leanne Hailes 7 months ago
The direct approach only works if you don't get cut off in mid sententence because he's right about something else
Wang Zhuang 9 months ago
Yep, this is me. Please just tell me directly if I don't respond in a way you expect me to. I always tell women this
Bacon Tentacles 9 months ago
As an engineer with a touch of OCD, I am even worse than most. Please, just be as direct as possible with me. For the love of god.
Dr Jimmy 03 9 months ago
Guilty. I occasionally must be hit over the head with the proverbial 2x4.
DandyDani123 9 months ago
But did you repeatedly need to be hit over the head or did you “get it” the first time? No matter how many times I hit my ex or how many flashing neon signs I used, he never actually did anything about it…. He still wonders why he’s my ex 🤦♀️
Load More Replies... George Costanza 9 months ago
Yeah, don't F-ing hint or beat around the bush. Tell us what you actually want. Stop being stupidly coy about it.
iseefractals 9 months ago
Which is to say men aren't mind readers. Imagine that. When my wife is hungry, and wants me to cook her way of asking is to ask "are you hungry" No.....:::sad face:::: "ok" But only sometimes! Sometimes she's just trying to remind me to eat, but most times she just wants me to cook something for her and i just have to guess. It's infuriating, if you want something ask for it.
Lowrider 56 7 months ago
I remember one time I asked my ex if it was ok if I took off with my buddy to go somewhere, she said yeah OK. Came home later to find her super pissed at me because I went somewhere with my buddy. I said you told me it was ok, she said yeah, but I didn't really mean it! Like, what the hell? If you didn't want to say yes you should have said so! Reason # 102 why we're divorced.
Lee451 Henderson 9 months ago
Exactly! When I was married we would go to vineyards sampling wine. We would be in a gift shop and she would say:" isn't this nice? I would agree with her. Took me years to figure out that she wanted to buy it
Jonathan Setter 9 months ago
this is because one woman's look of "he is cute i want him to ask him out" looks exactly the same as another's meaning "if i smile at this perv hopefully he won't make me his next victim". Same guy, same expression, different women. Responding positively to both of them will lead to a date with one and arrest with the other. No man will risk arrest unless they are stupidly over-confident.
agermanhome 9 months ago
I think it is extremely rude to "hint" and make the other person guess. Makes me feel manipulated. I don't get hints because I refuse to take them. - And it's not a women's thing, though it may be in some cultures. Here, I would say it is a regional habit and also a subcultural one.
DandyDani123 9 months ago
I’m curious though, is “please clean the table off” considered too much of a hint or do I have to say “put the dishes in the sink, wipe up the spill, put wrappers in the garbage…”?
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Corvus 10 months ago
Erm, no, not getting hints does not mean someone is "dumb."
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#4
They are extremely susceptible to compliments. You know those everyday compliments women give each other without a second thought, well men rarely get them. So when you do give them one it is a 100 times more effective. Want to have a man in a good mood all day, compliment him on something.
Doctor Strange 10 months ago
I remember the last time I got an unsolicited compliment on my appearance. I was 6 years old. I'm over 40 now.
#5
When you ask a guy what he’s thinking about and he says “nothing” believe him. He really is just not thinking about anything in particular.
#6
Men can have super deep bonds with each other, even though they don't show it at all. My grandpa was such a serious man: a shop teacher, a shipbuilder in Seattle during WWII, then he fished tuna from the boat he built.
After he had to retire from his boat, he did woodwork in the garage. He had a neighbor who would stop by the garage shop every single day and shoot the breeze with him.
His neighbor died suddenly. I can't forget grandpa sobbed. He was the most stern person ever, but he sobbed at the loss of that daily visit with his neighbor, that his friend died. That daily visit was a lifeblood to him.
[Edited to correct "shopbuider" to shipbuilder. Added the stateside shipyard location, b/c not a veteran].
#7
How much abuse they take, and lack of support about it.
#8
I hated learning just how much men's emotions, especially crying from either sadness, stress or even profound joy are ridiculed and suppressed.
#9
How few compliments or acknowledgements they get. Now I make an effort to compliment or acknowledge them even if it’s a simple thing like “that colour really suits you”, “you have a great sense of humour” or “thanks for helping me, I really do appreciate you”. It must be genuine though!
#10
That there are a lot of men out there who love and treat women with personhood and respect. I was abused as a child and teen by some ugly-hearted people and my father. It took an amazing boyfriend to show me the light. Thank you, babe ❤️ It sucks how our perspective on the opposite sex can be so marred by the abusive. Not all men!
Isabel Galvez 10 months ago
They're many amazing men out there who will cherish you and protect you and love you.
#11
Their innate goodness, they bear the brunt of so many things.
Most men, most of the time, are protectors, even protecting others from themselves and what they’re struggling with in the inside.
Their physical and mental strength can be amazing.
#13
Upon reading the survey results, I was taken aback by the number of men who expressed a desire to become stay-at-home dads. It was surprising to learn how many men would like to take on the role traditionally associated with women.
Lost Panda 10 months ago
Due to the economy, my wife is no longer stay at home (was her choice before the negativity flows in), but I would give anything to be able to have been a stay at home dad when my children were little. I feel like I missed out on so much, and I get so much more fulfillment from being home and doing chores, etc. than being in the work force... pipe dreams I guess...
#14
That their reasons for cheating are rarely because the mistress was hotter or something. It’s simply because they want to feel desired. Women waste so much time comparing their attractiveness to some other woman. For most men the most irresistible woman is the one who adores you the most ( unless it’s your mom).
Like It Is 10 months ago (edited)
Desired and Respected are definitely powerful attractants. Contrary to post modern sensibilities, men and women need each other and the desire to be needed is powerful when embraced. The point isn't a justification of infidelity... It is a focus on what is important in a relationship- Beauty fades - Make someone feel special and that equates to 'beauty"
#15
That I experience significantly less misogyny at my oilfield job than my friend does at her office job with more liberal men. Most of my girlfriends want to hear that I experience misogyny often and am out fighting the good fight for women’s rights but that’s just not really true. The s**t bags I’ve encountered are s****y to everyone so it has nothing to do with me being a woman. Most of the guys out here are happy to teach me stuff and want to see me succeed.
#16
They fantasize about saving people, mostly people they love. Sometimes they save the earth by sacrificing themselves.
I giggled when my boyfriend told me, it's cute.
MalayDragon 10 months ago
NGL - OP you may have missed the subtle look of hurt in your mans eyes after you "giggled" at this. Not an attack, simply an observation from a man, that is on topic.
#17
So much of the comments follow the pattern of “omg men are human too?!”.
"Disembodied voice" 9 months ago
So many of the lists of men/women stuff boil down to "omg they also experience [fundamental human thing]?!"
#18
That in the US, men still have to register with selective service before 26. I knew it existed, because my dad was only a few numbers away from going to Vietnam, but I thought it had ended in the '70s. Turns out, it had for a bit back then, but is active currently.
I was embarrassed that I didn't know (no man around me mentioned anything, not even my very anti war ex), and felt angry that men still have to do it. I don't think anyone should have to, and it should be ended.
Let the robots destroy each other.
Dirk Daring 9 months ago
Before 26? In my day, we were marched to the Post Office the minute we turned 18.
#19
When they are staring off looking as if deep in thought...their minds are blank. Don't ask what they are thinking because it's usually nothing.
Tobias Reaper 10 months ago
either nothing or we are thinking about a scenario where we save the day Die hard style
#20
That men can have a low libido or not always want sex. It took me a long time to accept that my husband's lack of desire wasn't specific to me, he just wasn't feeling sexual at those times, because the societal expectation that men always want sex and will be ready to go whenever sex is initiated. It's certainly held true with the majority of my male lovers, including and especially the one with ED. But it's also normal to NOT be that way.
The societal expectation also shows up when the topic of his low libido comes up as everyone wants to help fix him. There is nothing wrong with my husband, his testosterone is fine, he's not on meds that would stifle his libido, etc. He's a perfectly normal, healthy human. With a low libido.
I'm a high libido woman, always have been but once I hit my 40s, hoooo boy did it get enhanced with the boom in confidence that came with the age. I recently asked my husband when was the last time he thought about sex, he couldn't remember. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't have sexual thoughts. Many times a day!! So it's hard to wrap my head around a brain that doesn't. Not because there is anything wrong with it, it's just completely different from how my brain works and how I expected a man's brain to work.
Luke Branwen 10 months ago
I'm a man on the asexual spectrum. According to a lot of people, no such thing exists.
#21
They're much more sensitive and get attached easier than I thought.
kitten levels tokyo 10 months ago
We are basically a sack of emotions wrapped up in a desire for compliments.
#22
That men have a full blown list of unspoken rules and protocols about using urinals. Even if there are walls for privacy.
#23
Many of them actually are romantics and sentimental - they were just taught to suppress that and act ‘tough’ they’re whole lives.
R1MV4Superleggera 10 months ago
*Rising hand* Your Honour! I would like to declare myself, without any shadow of a doubt, guilty of romanticism against the Queen of my castle, my undisputed better half, the owner of my paychecks, the future mother of my little hellrisers, etc, etc, etc 😊
#24
That there are men out there that refuse to take care of themselves because they think it's gay or feminine
(This could be about personal hygiene as well as mental health or anything really).
#25
That many of them would actually really like receiving flowers or something sweet that has generally been deemed “just for women” by society.
Lost Panda 10 months ago
I can vouche for this. When my wife gave me my lemon tree as a "just because" gift, I was estatic
#26
That when a man shuts down during an argument, it's not because he doesn't care. It's sometimes because he cares too much and is overwhelmed with "flooding" - increased heart rate/blood pressure, increase in stress hormones, etc. It's such an aversive feeling that many men will withdraw from an argument so the negative physiological arousal doesn't get worse. Meanwhile, women get frustrated because they think the guy is ignoring her, leading to a "demand/withdraw" cycle that can lead to nasty results. The moral: if your dude is withdrawing from an argument, let him be for a bit.
Johnnynatfan 10 months ago
Tell this to my wife. She does not understand what the words "leave me alone" mean. When someone whether man or woman tells you to leave them alone berating them or trying to continue to argue will get you no where.
#27
Apparently it's difficult to control the stream while peeing and sometimes there's a double stream and you guys can't really do anything about it while peeing?
#28
The first time most men get flowers is at their funeral
Send your boys flowers yall.
#29
Strength. It was jarring and surprising to see childhood friend who is same age being able to lift me up and throw me into foam pit at the gym after being same strength just 3-4 years before. It's incredible how once puberty takes off they get so much stronger while I bust my a*s in gym so much I cannot reach close to that level.
I guess it is what it is.
Isabel Galvez 10 months ago
I do lots of sports and I feel great... until I see my husband carry things with one hand I can't even pick up, with no effort of his part whatsoever.
#30
When they tell you upfront that they are an awful person, believe them. They are telling the truth.
… also keep your distance from the man that says that.
Space Invader 10 months ago
Careful with this one. He might be suffering from depression and low self esteem.
#31
How many seemingly settle for someone they don't love just to avoid being alone.
Christina Born 10 months ago
My husband did this with his ex and ended up fathering a baby. Then he married her because he was scared to lose his kid. 16 miserable years later, she finally divorced him when she no longer needed his income. Cheated on him through the whole thing. Shot his confidence to pieces.
#32
That they are soft and venurable just as much as we are and they also need compliments.
#33
They have a much stronger sense of loyalty than women do.
Maria Maria 9 months ago
Is that why they cheat on their spouse much more commonly than women do? Why many men leave their children but women usually don't? Why so many men leave their wives of 30 years for their hot secretary? Sorry but this does not make sense.
#34
That some men have no idea about how periods work, why we have them, that we have 3 holes and what discharge is.
#35
Still haven’t seen this one, so posting. I’m a man by the way.
Men are a little more polite to each other than women seem to be, because bad interactions can, on rare occasions, devolve into physical violence. And that violence can be life threatening, owing to their (generally speaking) greater muscle mass and testosterone level.
This violence avoidance/awareness is in the deep background, pretty much all the time.
Feathered Dinosaur 10 months ago
Women know this fact very, very well. We are much more polite to men than we really want to be, as we don't want to get killed either
#36
That a large majority of men have "specific" friends, not general friends.
This Meaning, a man can have 3 specific hobbies he enjoys in his life. He will have 3 specific friends for each hobbie, but those friends are not friends for all 3 hobbies, only the one. For example, if he's into sports. He will have a good friend who always loves to go to sporting topics with him, but that friend won't ALSO be a gaming friend AND a sports friend. The man will just have a different friend for gaming who also DOESNT involve himself in sports.
Women have friends who just do whatever, whenever together, because we are just enjoying each other's company while also doing some random activities as a group. We can be into many topics, and 1 friend can join us on those many topics without being interested in ALL the topics. For example, a woman can have a bestie who isn't into makeup but would still join their bestie on a makeup activity solely because their bestie is interested in it and they want to enjoy their time with their friend.
Guys will enjoy their time with their friends but only on specific topics they both are interested in. So if men do not have multiple friends, they usually don't branch out on their own to meet newer friends for newer activites and end up being lonely.
(I'm aware this doesn't include ALL men and that there are several men who have 1 best friend that does activies with them).
StrangeOne 10 months ago
So... women don't have specific friends? I have friends for specific things. Some I'm more interested in chatting with than others. I have friends I can chat about the paranormal and politics. A friend who wants nothing than to rant about her job and play simple online games. A friend I go to just to get info on things I know nothing about.Work friends I get along with at work but don't get into any heavy topics with.
#37
They’re surprisingly so much more insecure than us women are. Perhaps it’s the unreasonable social standards that they are expected to reach? As a girl I’m insecure about my appearance and body and sometimes likability, but those too are momentary, they disappear when I dress pretty or when I’m with friends.
But every man I meet has so many insecurities. It’s from height, to weight to hair to facial features to wearing spectacles, then their jobs, their income and assets. Where I work is kind of a big company in my country but my boss, who is quite a young lad with a PhD is so insecure about what people talk about him! It’s crazy because he calls for staff meetings to tell us not to gossip about him. A guy I met for a date insisted his height was 5. 8” although he was clearly around my height when I was in heels. I literally didn’t care about his height and I didn’t even ask him! But he wanted to tell me that while we were talking and I just went “Okay!”
Like guys, I’m sorry the society expects so much from you but don’t let that hurt you, y’all are okay. And guys I hope you complement each other too! Hype each other up! Life’s not a competition!
What do you think ?
Peter Bear 9 months ago
I'm downvoting you because you knew what you clicked on, and only came down here to s**t on it. Do better, or at least mind your business.
Load More Replies... Peter Bear 9 months ago
I'm downvoting you because you knew what you clicked on, and only came down here to s**t on it. Do better, or at least mind your business.
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