Ok first off this is Reposted from an early Post of mine{you can look at my post for more}, cause I don't want to rewrite it. . . . . . . . my best friend almost sister-like, had they/them lover and they acted my friend but hated me, when my mom died, I was talking to my bf sis {over text as she actually lived halfway across the USA from me} and her partner start messaging me "I just heard.... HAHAHAHAH" and I'm like "what?" and they put "your mom died! HAHAHA" Im like WTH? text my BBF and tell her, she put "Well can't stop them, I don't want to tell them no" I'm like what? but they are making f**ing fun of my mom dieing, she hasn't even left! {this was while she was still lying 3 feet from me and I was waiting for them to pick her body up!} The partner messages again and says "She left you just like your real mom/ she died cause she wanted away from you" {my bio mom died when I was 7 protecting me from a bullet} ------->

Yeah... when it hits you that... you're "the backup's backup" - seriously - why would I be okay with this?

There's the exception if they're really in a ditch. Like cancer, death in the family, really bad s**t like that and you're constantly rising like the morning star. It's hard to celebrate your friends third promotion while you struggle in all departments. So this only counts when both parties have a halfway good life.

Again, this depends extremely on their situation. I'm not saying that people in bad situations get a free pass, but if your struggle is not being able to afford gel nails and theirs is watching their child die, well, let's say they should get at least a little leeway

Had a "friend" a while back who did this very consistently when she got "new friends from school" - then absolutely ripped me a new one when I DARED to tell her that i didn't appreciate being treated that way.

Yeah this one was rough. Some obnoxious dude tried to prove that my very personal experience didn't happen and my 'friend' defended them, I knew then it was over.

Or, if you're local, always visits you but never hosts you in return.

It's a good barometer for measuring relative effort and care!

Or my friend, who barely ever wants to see me on the weekend, except when her bf isn’t available..

Now, this is different if you are BOTH joking and BOTH laughing, and they stop when asked

I’ve been stuck in the “I can relate to your thing and here’s how” whirlpool. Fortunately, a gentle reminder of “cool, thanks… but I need to talk right now” or something similar snaps me out of it. ADHD can get me stuck in a mental loop while trying to be supportive and yes… It’s caused misunderstandings on every end before. My friends thought I was being self-centered when that was NEVER my intention... I had to explain my stuck-mind to them and the ones that matter cut me off before they feel hurt. I’ve gotten better at recognizing myself as well now. I’ll even ask if they want a back-and-forth now, just to prep my mind and mouth.

To the introverts: an occasional smiley or meme counts! But if you only ever react and never initiate in any form, burdening them with the mental load of keeping the friendship alive, you're a bad friend. Even extroverts need to feel appreciated once in a while and can get self doubts if they're never contacted first. It's not introvert-exclusive to doubt yourself and feel insecure if the other one truly likes you or wants to be contacted. Just sent a 'what's up' once in a blue moon or you risk being dropped. It's the barest minimum you have to do if you want friends. An extrovert might be able to stay afloat and keep you in the loop for a long time, but sooner or later they'll feel exactly like you when thinking about contacting you if you never give them anything. And then they'll stop dragging you along. I have an introvert friend who puts reminders in her calendar to force herself to send a hello, how are you at least once a month to all her friends. We know she does it because she truly cares, and we don't hold it against her that the message is always the same. We know how hard it is for her and cherish her even more. But if you get absolutely nothing, it feels like throwing effort into a black hole that can never be filled. It's draining even for the extroverts.

And they try to blame you if you ask them to stop. It's a sure sign they don't care for you as a real person, they only care for the amusement they can get out of you.

We don't "humble" anybody with jokes. We call them (privately of course is better) and say to him/her what's going on.

My issue was I went to them for help, but then they’d get mad at me for never asking about them randomly. You could… I dunno… message me just as randomly if you need a vent? Why do I need to check on you constantly? Then when I clam up, they get mad that I never share! Ugh… She blocked me recently and I don’t even know why. Oh well.

Cold. Just absolutely stone cold.

This can be completely normal and happened to me just last week. My friends were coming from a different direction so they came together. Another situation is if you have a car and some of the others don’t.

This one might be highly subjective. For example, I am very introverted person, even though I don't seem that way on the outside. I can be quite sociable with small group up to 4 people but larger groups trigger my anxieties, I simply can't navigate these situations. My close friends, who I can always count on in hard times, almost never invite me to big outings with their other friends because they know very well I'd be miserable there and would try to silently disappear asap :D

I was born the day after christmas. No one bothers to celebrate my birthday.

Oh yeah, I had to shut out a friend whose favorite line when she did something obnoxious and pushy was, "It was done out of love!"

Stop being there for them. Hopefully, they'll move on to some other human crutch.

🤮

Backstabbing at its finest.

For me, I can’t always tell if I’m doing too much. I need people to tell me directly, fimly but also kindly. Had a friend who said he never liked talking to me. I literallally told him to tell me if I was annoying lol. If someone’s doing too much, talk to them privately, and say something like, “I understand you want to be friends, but right now, the amount you’re doing is too much. Thank you for understanding.”

Substitute the word "jerk" for "friend," and that'll sum it up nicely.

How about you invite them out for YOUR birthday, next thing you know, them are inside a crowded popular and exclusive night club while you are literally out in the cold. (You only turn 21 once).

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Keeping your mouth shut online is a good trait to have.

Jealousy rears its ugly head in so many different ways, body shaming being one of them. It's just another form of leveling.

ohno i just realized this is me 😭