That men are incapable of self control so you better be 100% committed to sex before so much as kissing them, because they can't stop once they get started, so if you change your mind, tough luck. I was taught this by my mother who still, to this day, fully believes it.

Maybe tmi, but even right at his peak, if my demeanor changes at all, my mate stops to check in and make sure I'm still fully engaged. And if, on occasion, for whatever reason, i need to stop? He stops immediately and does not make me feel bad about it. No guilt, no shame, no failure. Ladies, please don't accept less than this in a partner.

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A woman's purpose is to serve the Lord, stay pure until marriage, and serve your husband.

Being raised with this mentality led to being pressured into giving up my "purity" before marriage and feeling as though I had to stay with that man, waiting on him hand and foot, because that's what I'm "supposed" to do.

Religious trauma is real and is a terrible thing to live with. Thankful I am no longer in that situation.

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The way people talk about waiting until marriage to have sex. I used to go to a youth group as a teenager for like two years and at the time believed it was important to wait until marriage. There are so many examples but one I remember is “imagine if everyone passed around a chocolate bar and took a bite, you would still be happy when you got a bite but it wouldn’t be the same as a full chocolate bar.” I’m not a f*****g chocolate bar I’m a human being.

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Ace

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5 months ago

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That's just toxic and degrading. Like you lose something the first, and every time you have sex. Not a good way to shape a young mind.

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NinjaV

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5 months ago

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If anything, you gain experience and learn what you like and don't like, then it's easier when you met the right partner.

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FreeTheUnicorn

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The more sex you have the better you are at it. The more you know your body and your preferences, the more you know how to ask for/show someone what you want. Everyone has a first time, but why would you want to have sex with a virgin. They don't know what they are doing, and there's often this weird guilt/fear thing from just this sort of bs. You don't lose a piece of the chocolate bar when you have sex, you add a topping.

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Nicole Weymann

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Ah, but that supports the misogynistic rulers of the beds! Because who would want a woman who actually asks for changes and isn't insta-pleased with whatever hand (aka man and his behaviour) she is dealt? ☝️ /S

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Fellfromthemoon

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A better example: a pup goes around and everybody pets him/her. You are roughly the hunredth human to pet / play with the puppy. Would you still go for it, or the pup is not any longer appealing or pure?

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Annabelle

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I want to pet the puppy!!

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Amalie Jaye

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That chocolate bar way is yet another way of people objectifying women!

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Bernd Herbert

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I cannot express how stupid that is

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Scott Rackley

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What if you unwrap the chocolate bar and find it's one that you can't stand the taste of. Guess what, you still gotta eat that chocolate bar. Quite a bit if you want the chocolate bar to hang around any amount of time. Oh, and God said you can't have any other chocolate bars since you bought that one.

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b

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This is like the stupid manosphere junk. Worrying about "body counts". So gross.

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CanadianDimes

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This is such a bad example, even on the surface level because hell yes, if someone is sharing a chocolate bar, I'd be happy to get a single bite!

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MyCatsTheRealPanda

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We got this lesson with pudding cups. Chocolate and vanilla. Every spoonful of pudding was a new partner into the opposite cup. Then that cup mixed some with a third cup and the fourth, etc, to show you how your sex partners are "everyone's sex partners and vice versa". Yeah. Very strange.

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Sophia Athene

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The way I heard this explained was supposedly done by the male leaders of the church passing around a cup of water, each of them spitting in it. The last man that the cut gets to said to the girl that no man would want to now drink that cup.

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Lola July

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5 months ago

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No, you're more precious, it's an analogy. Long term studies have shown the more sexual partners lowers the ability to have a successful long-term marriage. Now jump and say not true... still lessens by a considerable amount.

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Vinnie

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Did the studies go into detail beyond numbers? Such as reasons? it's possible that some people have multiple partners because they're not good at relationships. Others may learn from the experiences, get tired of short relationships, and settle down. Personally, I don't have an issue with someone wanting to save themselves for marriage out of personal values and preferences. I do object to demonizing someone who has pre-marital sex.

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Cat Chat

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Long term studies by who, and were all study participants believers of the same religion that set a "not until marriage" rule, or did they include couples from all that over the globe and with varying beliefs? If it was a study by and only of religious couples, it wasn't a true study.

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FreeTheUnicorn

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Traditionally the people who glorify virginity, demonize divorce. Which I guess makes sense because they wouldn't respect someone who wanted to marry a non virgin.

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Annabelle

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Maybe it changes your expectations??

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Farah the Turtle

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I kinda agree with the choco bar example. honestly. But if u dont like that then u do u! Pls dont downvote me bc I have an opinion! I genuinely don't care abt what u do. ur allowed to do whatever u want

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Tamra

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5 months ago (edited)

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I'm sorry you've been raised to believe that a person's worth is dependent upon how many sexual partners they may or may not have, rather than understanding that the sexual impulse is a normal human trait that has nothing to do with inherent worth. Also, curious to know if you apply the chocolate bar belief to both men and women, or just women.

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FreeTheUnicorn

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Do you think there are a set number of bites and then your sex life is done? Please explain the metaphor, because it seems like the general ethic of candy bars is everyone have a little price. Honest question, what is the lesson of the candy bar?

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François Bouzigues

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A better example is the pencil. And pencil that has been used a lot has been sharpened a lot. Then it is no longer such a good pencil because it is so much shorter. On the contrary, the pencil sharpener is still has good as new after sharpening 100 pencils if you clean it correctly. See where i am heading ? Yeah, correct, analogies are stupid. We are not keys or keyholes, or candy bars, or pencil sharpeners.

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Vinnie

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You do have sharp wits 😁

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That marriage would make me feel complete/happy.

FlamingGooch , Emma Bauso/pexels Report

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When men would catcall, grab me in clubs and touch me without consent. I’m going back about 11+ years when I was out partying etc a lot, it was so commonplace we all just accepted it. I’m disgusted by it now and sad that we all had to deal with that.

anon , Pavel Polyakov/pexels Report

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Having a 6 years older boyfriend when you're 15. My friend had older boyfriends and it felt so normal that I didn't realize how messed up it was until I was 21 myself. It's legal to have relations with 15-year olds in my country but it's still not socially acceptable. Definitely a law that needs to have another look at.

Miss_Poe , Budgeron Bach/pexels Report

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That my worth is about how likeable I am and how I can serve others around me.

I tried so much to meet the unrealistic expectations and gave up when my dad got cancer and literally no one tried to be there for me except for a few friends who are now my ride or die and they didn't do it because i was likeable or serving them, they genuinely love me for who i am.

That experience changed my entire perspective on life.

anon , Pixabay/pexels Report

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Ownership, submission, obeying your partner because they're the man, and codependancy/narcasstic abuse in relationships because my generation was conditioned to believe it was normal.

Woman and children are dehumanized even today.

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Pretty much my entire family dynamic growing up, and a lot of subtle sexism- I.e. being the "responsible one" and being expected to cook/keep an eye on my older brother so he didn't burn the house down, instead of just... holding him accountable and teaching him to cook? The guy basically had to do a chore badly once and it became my responsibility to teach him or do it myself, even though I was cooking full meals and doing my own laundry as a kid.

certified_mom_friend , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

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Men won't like or talk or be attracted to you if you look/dress/behave a certain way.

I shaved my head and still get men's attention. Good decent men will care about and love you for you. Everything my mom told me I was doing that men wouldn't like about me was wrong.

ithinkedit , Ketut Subiyanto/pexels Report

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Women keeping quiet when a man says something rude or stupid. I never saw a woman stand up for women when I was growing up.

anon , Mental Health America (MHA)/pexels Report

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Believing that if a boy teases me, he must have a crush on me. My daughters are being raised differently.

orchidee400 , Keira Burton/pexels Report

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"haha! you got beat by a GIRL!" said by the girl herself when she beats a guy in a game, common in the 90s/early 00s.

shesmadeline , Alena Darmel/pexels Report

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I thought spending lots of money on makeup was normal because there’s always new stuff coming out and this pretty color, that nice palette, this new brand that. Turns out a good skincare routine is what’s important, you won’t need makeup then.

Densityroa , Karolina Grabowska /pexels Report

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Toxic friendships, find myself thinking “why did I ever put up with what they said?”.

FYeahGee , Anastasiya Gepp/pexels Report

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Being a people pleaser and feeling like I had to say yes to everything. Twas exhausting.

Maleficent_Bunch5702 , Sora Shimazaki/pexels Report

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The food pyramid. I remember growing up in the 90s. I am very allergic to wheat, soy, processed anything, and caramel coloring. All those years pooping blood, I feel much better now. Knowledge is power and I feel more intelligent now.

Beneficial-Guest2105 , bigbrand ./flickr Report

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This might be kinda controversial but polyamory. I'm sure there's got to be someone who operates better in a poly relationship than in a monogamous one, but from what I've seen and experienced, it does nothing but multiply the issues that exist in monogamy.

Humans aren't nearly as enlightened as they want to be or think they are, and jealousy and favoritism are so easy to breed in a situation where you need to give equal attention and communication to multiple people. It's so easy to gang up on one person in a situation like that.

I'm obviously not saying that monogamy is for everyone, but being poly sounds like a nightmare to me and it's so f*****g difficult to find people who don't want to be involved with others.

I'm pan and nonbinary and I'm also alt which makes me a magnet for these types and they always seem so surprised and a little insulted when I say I want a monogamous relationship.

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Pro life. Please don’t judge me! I was young and still in the catholic mindset. Thankfully have grown lots since then.

ohsoluckyme , Pixabay/pexels Report

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I grew up as a conservative Sicilian-Italian Catholic and until my late teens/early twenties thought that being submissive towards men was what I was supposed to do. As the years went on and I struggled, I eventually rebelled hard. Now, at 35 years old, an atheist, college educated and twice divorced, I revel in my freedom. The thought of conforming, in so many ways, disgusts me.

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Defaulting to prefer male bosses, heroes, politicians, pop stars, actors, everything. It wasn't until my 30's that I realized the systemic nature of this. It's so pervasive, you don't even notice. Now I support fellow women, LGBTQ, diversity, and minorities all the way.

Thoughtful-Pig , Tima Miroshnichenko/pexels Report

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I took being silenced whenever I spoke up about a different viewpoint as normal. It made me think I had to share the same beliefs as the people around me, especially my parents, which truly f****d up my conscience.

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Being unhappy in a relationship, always walking on eggshells around them.

msstark , Engin Akyurt/pexels Report

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Women letting men be in charge of like, everything. I don’t just mean politics. When I was younger, I had boyfriends give unsolicited opinions on how I should wear my hair, dress, and use/not use makeup. Blows my mind now that any of that seemed normal and ok.

thayaht , Timur Weber/pexels Report

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When being called gay was an insult. Now that I think about it, those guys really were horrible.

The_Special_Teacher , Alexander Grey/pexels Report

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Having sex even though i didnt want to or felt like it at the moment, because I thought the guy i was with at the time was right when he said “there is something wrong with you”and i didnt question it because he never had a girl act that way before and i was supposed to satisfy the guy whenever he pleased cause i thought that was the way you were supposed to act when you date someone. Turns out i didnt want to be with the guy because deep down i didnt like him and wasnt attracted to him. Shouldve listen to my body. Never again.

disculpametenesfuego , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

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Traditional gender roles in a household.

Cheeky-gemini , Danik Prihodko/pexels Report

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Thinking being nice and doing whatever I can for people I care about would be reciprocated. Turns out the saying treat others how you'd want to be treated gets you screwed over a lot of the time.

Example: I let my "friend" stay with me for awhile and it was a disaster. I've never felt so judged by her before, she trashed my home and ran my water bill up. Let's just say she's never staying with me again. Really hurt the friendship too.

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Thinking that weight is health, and that smaller is better.

rosiestinkie9 , SHVETS production/pexels Report

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Men will fantasize about every woman in their life.

My ex really messed with my head and I’m beyond relieved to know that’s not usually the case.

Gerudo_Scimitar , Zoe Jackson/pexels Report

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That women shave everyday.

Pearltherebel , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

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Being constantly pestered to have sex because that’s just what being in a relationship means.

HAHAHAHAhaha no.

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Men being controlling, possessive, and overall toxic in relationships. The movies catered to me from childhood all showed me that if a man wants me he will be possessive and not want any other guy to even look at me — I thought it was romantic. I used to feel undesired / like he didn’t really like me if he wasn’t controlling and didn’t get jealous a guy stared at me too long.

user22568899 , Alexander Mass/pexels Report

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Letting men tell me what I’m worth. “Solving” relationship issues/fights with sex instead of talking.

SnooChocolates4588 , cottonbro studio/pexels Report

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That girls were naturally catty and you just deal with it because of growing pains. Nope, just like sh**ty little boys who use aggression and violence to solve all their problems because their parents didn't bother raising them to communicate girls are not naturally catty and using misogyny to excuse the insane, cruel and abusive sh*t girls did to me/did to each other is doing NOTHING for the gender.


That everyone just grows up and finds their group/mate unless you absolutely do NOT want a partner in life. Nope, that apparently is not at all a thing.

EmpMel , RDNE Stock project/pexels Report

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