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43 Times People Said Something So Damn Stupid They Created A Truly Memorable Experience
What an incredible twist of fate - one of the greatest minds that humanity has ever known in its entire history remains in our memory not so much because of his ingenious theories, but because of an accidental, completely ridiculous photograph with his tongue out when he just wanted to tease the photographer.
Yes, history knows many examples when very smart and decent people accidentally blurted out something incredibly stupid - and then regretted what they said for many-many years. And then collections of such 'gems' rack up thousands of upvotes and laughable comments online - like, for example, this one in the AskReddit community, the best stories from which we bring to your attention today.
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#1
I was on a long train trip, gazing out the window, when I said to my friend: “I feel like every railroad crossing gate we’ve passed since I’ve been looking has been down… what are the odds…”
I have a PhD (not in trains).
#2
I was watching a TV show (can't remember what) with my family. There was this cute black girl who appeared in a scene and had a nice, short hairstyle I thought was cool. I said out loud "If I was black, I would have my hair like that."
I am a black guy. I meant to say girl.
#3
"If there are adult diapers, why aren't there adult strollers?"
My husband, looking at me like he regrets ever meeting me: "you mean wheelchairs??".
In fact, people do sometimes say something stupid or shameful, for different reasons, in various circumstances. Sometimes this simply becomes a consequence of a basic misunderstanding between the interlocutors, sometimes the speaker just finds themselves in a real 'stupor' in response to an unexpected request. A classic example is when you are asked to say something funny.
Have you ever encountered anything like this? As soon as someone asks you about it, even if you have been doing standup comedy all your life, have watched all the sitcoms in the world and know all the sites with jokes by heart, you will clearly 'freeze' in a painful attempt to remember something. Don't believe me? Then come on, remember something funny right now!
#4
Back when I was working my first job at a mcdonalds during highschool, I was made manager and one of my coworkers was a guy named Miles. We called him Kilometers because hurr durr such original joke.
Anyway, one day I was grabbing a drive thru order while also trying to stock stuff and I noticed we were out of napkins, so what I MEANT to say was "Hey Miles, can you go grab us some napkins from the back real quick?"
What I ACTUALLY said was "Hey Napkins, can you go grab us some stuff from the back real quick?"
And everyone stared....
IN SILENCE
After a few seconds, Miles realized I was looking at him when I said it and said "Did...you just call me 'Napkins'?"
My brain went over what I just said as the embarassment said in and I just answered "Yes. Yes as a matter of fact, I did."
His nickname was no longer Kilometers. He was Napkins from that day on.
#5
Me to the lady that I thought looks like me (as I was in passing): “Oh hey! It looks like we could be twins!”
My reflection: …..
It had been a long shift.
#6
One time I was in the grocery store and a couple were in front of the jar of pickles I wanted to get. They noticed me standing there and said, "Oh, are we in your way?"
They moved and I grabbed the jar. I then turned to them and said, "Thanks." Then--for some reason I'll never understand--added, "I like pickles."
They must have been thinking, "Well, it's nice that they let him do his shopping on his own.
In addition, there are two reasons why stupid words and phrases from smart people are remembered. Firstly, because they aren't expected to do anything stupid, and against the general 'highbrow' background, these unexpected remarks stand out like Jerry Jones against the background of the current NFL free agent market. And secondly, people are prone to reflection - and the stupidity said will quite possibly torment a person with shame for years and even decades.
#7
"You hit me in the cervix!"
I am a man. I meant sternum. Still have to shake that memory out of my head sometimes.
#8
My manager's manager asked me to ballpark the percentage of time I was spending on each of my three projects. I confidently told him: 75% on project A, 25% on project B, and 25% on project C. I heard my cubicle neighbor laughing (didn't immediately click that she was laughing at me). Manager's manager paused a moment, then in a very kind and patient voice (like he was speaking to a Labrador with a learning disability) "So, I'd like those numbers to add up to 100%. Can you try again?" Then it dawned on me.
#9
Years ago a coworker and I were discussing how many Japanese people apparently have a KFC dinner for Christmas. We then wondered "What do they do for Thanksgiving?" and began attempting to google it. Spent quite a few minutes trying to search it up, remarking to each other in confusion that we couldn't find anything at all. I then realized how incredibly stupid we were.
“People tend to remember negativity against an overall good background - this is a general trend,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here. “For example, it's enough to compare the ratio of good and bad reviews on the page of any decent restaurant.”
"And this, again, is quite understandable. If we go to a restaurant which is considered to be great, then by default we expect great service - and take it for granted. Otherwise, this causes a clear reaction of rejection. And the adrenaline reaction to negativity encourages people to act much stronger, than positive impressions. So it turns out that stupid phrases from smart people are remembered for a long time. However, the opposite is also true," Irina summarizes.
#10
Me, crossing the border from Mexico to CA. Border Patrol guy. " what is your country of origin?" Me, thinking That's easy! Me to border guard "California" Guy gave me a look for a moment, and then just said, "Go,"
#11
Got introduced to identical twins. First thing I said was "wow, how can you guys tell each other apart?".
#12
OK , here goes, I was going to be late for my Psychology class. The teacher had already warned me not to be late.
What do I see in my rear view mirror on the way to class? You guessed it , I was speeding and it was Police lights ! So I pull over and I give the Officer my drivers license, reg and ins. papers, and he seemed very friendly and nice, and he says I will be right back pureGoldie, Thats when i got real dumb, I said "Oh btw , will you write me a note for my teacher? Ive already been warned not to be late today? I know this is making me late for sure!" He replied with a big smile , "Oh , I am going to write you a note, alright!"
Yep , I was that dumb.
In any case, the selection of stories that we've collected in this list is incredibly interesting and funny, so please feel free to scroll it to the very end and maybe add your own tales here. After all, each of us has come up with some incredible stupidity at the most inopportune moment. Me too, by the way. So let's do this - if this post collects 100 upvotes and comments, I definitely tell you in the comments which stupidity I once blurted out (and just believe me, it's damn worth it)!
#13
What's a chocolate bar?
A lady told me that she loved chocolate bars and I pictured a bar that serves chocolate instead of booze for a moment, and then I felt very stupid.
#14
"your born in december?? that sucks you have to wait a whole year for your birthday".
#15
Was really blanking on this casual friend’s last name. I talk to them pretty regularly and everything. But I was just BLANK. Wouldn’t come to me so had to go to Facebook and look it up. We have the same last name.
#16
Not too much ice please, don't wanna water it down. (It was literally just a cup of ice water).
#18
"Garbage truck drivers must have the chillest job in the world. They only work one day a week!"
- me for the first 16 years of my life.
#19
I called my husband in a panic because I couldn’t find my phone. I actually asked him if he knew where my phone was. His answer - ah..in your hand? So yeah.
#22
When planning a trip to America, I was very confused as to why google maps was refusing to give me a walking route to the Statue of Liberty. Turns out you can’t walk to the Statue of Liberty because it’s in the water 🙃.
#23
This one still haunts me. I once was having surgery and in walks the anesthesiologist to ask me questions and see if I had any for him. I said, "just two. Do people dream?" And he responds, "not usually. What's your other question?" And I said, "is it normal to be afraid I won't wake up." And he goes, "I promise you will."
Me: "well I bet I won't!"
I. BET. I. WON'T.
I bet the anesthesiologist I was going to die. Like a f*****g idiot.
#24
One time I said I wish I could swim in the air & my friend said “You mean flying?”.
#25
I was at home in my apartment alone and cleaning up and realized I hadn’t plugged the vacuum in. “Come on John,” I said out loud to myself, which was weird since I never talk to myself out loud, and the worst part was it came out, “C’mon Jnonn”
Like how do I call myself by name and then pronounce it wrong.
#26
I was in grade 1, had a Canadian girl come to my school, sprung up a friendship. Looked her dead in the eyes and asked. "What swear words do you know in Canadian" she tried to tell me multiple times it was the same words and I refused to believe her. I toss and turn at night knowing she probably tells people that now.
Trophy Husband 8 months ago
And many English speaking countries have swear words that other countries do not. Make Americans don't know what bollocks means.
Load More Replies...
White Sauce Hot Sauce 8 months ago
The worst Canadian swear word is not a word at all, but the absence of 'Sorry'.
Laura Williams 7 months ago
I've seen worse stories on here one about an American who thought an Australian person couldn't understand her because she was speaking American. Stupidity abounds.
Sue 8 months ago
Well, British people do have some different swear words. Besides, Canadians are too polite to swear.
blixten1982 8 months ago
Watch Trailer Park Boys or FUBAR. Canadians are nice to eachother because we all have to survive the harsh winter together. But that doesn't mean we won't ****** swear like a ****** **** **** when the ****** ***** givn'er **** **** after downin' a ****** twofer, eh. **** yeah!
Load More Replies... #27
Claimed that the slowest animal is probably an enema. I misspoke and meant to say anemone. I'll never forget the looks of confusion from my coworkers.
#28
Asked a server at a Mexican restaurant if their quesadillas had cheese in them. In front of my Mexican American grandfather. He very patiently asked me what the Spanish word for cheese was and then I realized my mistake.
#31
My boss asked me to print an address label for some documentation they had to mail out.
My printer was out of ink so I told her I was unable to print said label/mail the document out in time
....she then explained that I could just _write it by hand_.
Smrt.
#32
I don’t know if this counts because praise the Lord I did not say it aloud.
The scene:
Me, a college senior still living in a dorm doing my weekly snacks and root beer run at the local Wal-Mart
The thought: “Man, how do people with a whole family grocery shop? Like what do you do if you buy more than you can fit in your arms?”
Carts. That’s what carts are for.
#33
Playing table tennis with my partner and having the absolutely phenomenal brainwave of 'hey wouldn't it be cool if this was like a game that was way bigger with a big net and you have to like run around to get the ball and oh wait that's just tennis.'
This the same week and I was holding my daughter up in front of a low fish tank so I was squatting down and thought 'it would be so helpful if someone could like something sturdy to push under you while you squat to make it more comfortable oh wait that's literally a chair'.
#34
"Huh, it's funny, I haven't ever seen a Bruce Willis movie."
"You haven't seen Die Hard?"
"Oh wait yeah I did see Die Hard."
"Sixth Sense?"
"Oh yeah that too"
"Fifth Element? Armageddon?"
:..........."
Turns out I've seen a lot of Bruce Willis movies.
#35
I made a dentist appointment yesterday. They gave me a date and asked if 10:50 was a good time.
I replied with "I'm assuming that is 10:50am...".
#36
Ordered a burger with no onions, then onions rings because I don’t like onions. The look the waitress gave me was priceless. She said I think you maybe just don’t like onions raw. Yeah…that’s what I said. I don’t like onions. Argued with her for 5 minutes and couldn’t understand why she was questioning if I wanted onions on that burger.
#37
It was years ago and I was waiting tables. A lady came in and asked for a hot diet coke. I asked how tf I was supposed to make her a hot diet coke. She told me to put it in the microwave. My response verbatim.
" But the ice will melt ".
#38
I was at a job interview for a baking job. The Interviewer asked me if I know how to bake. I told her no but I can read.
Meaning I can follow the directions of a recipe.
#39
About ten years ago or so I was at a restaurant and went to the restroom. I told my mom and daughter, "When the waitress comes back, can you have her bring some more ice?
My water is too watery."
My family does not le me forget.
#40
My girlfriend asked me to put her clothes in the dryer and I got irritated and said “well where are they???”.
#41
I once thought that Alaska was an island because it's always shown separate on maps. I felt so dumb.
#42
I asked what half of 200 was. When I was given looks of “you’re joking right?” I quickly realized what an idiot I really was.
#43
Had a friend in college whose sister was taking an ASL course. He started asking a question and I tried so hard to stop him because I could see the wheels spinning in his head. He asked,
“So can you read Braille?”.
What do you think ?
Hey! 8 months ago
When my youngest son got married, one of the staff saw my flower on the wrist and asked me who I was. "Mother of the Bride!" No you're not, said THE mother of the bride! LOL. And I had just came in and she was already 3 drinks down.
FlamingoPanda 8 months ago
Asked my sister why the flags were all flying the same way. As an adult. Just one of many dumb things I have said when my brain has timed out.
ILoveMySon 8 months ago
I took a friend boating and a fire boat passed. He asked if I knew how much water they carried.
Pedantic Panda 8 months ago
Was once at a birthday party for a one year old. Speaking to the dad and struggling for conversation said, your kid is getting big, what age is he now? One. Obviously one.
Marianne 8 months ago
I once did a guided tour of a palace in Bavaria, where I saw a beautiful painting of Sissi (empress Elisabeth of Austria). And my dumb self asked the tour guide: "Is this a wedding photograph?". I didn't realize what I had said until this very confused guide told me that, actually, it was a painting. Picture. Picture is the word that I was looking for.
David 8 months ago
Many years ago, before I knew sign language, I was talking to a young deaf lady via notes. I wrote, "How long have you been death?" DEAF! I meant deaf. LOL
Cat Dragon 8 months ago
Reaper: Well I've been here for a few decades and I STILL haven't gotten a raise!
Load More Replies...
Petra Schaap 8 months ago
im in the UK a lot. The other day i decided that i was going to get rid of my coins because i never use them. I gave them to the first homeless person i met. It was quiet a bit so he was very happy (maybe 10 pound) and he went like "oh wow thank you so much!!" i just smiled and wanted to say "no problem, take care man" and for some reason i said "no problem, i love you man" I RAN.
PeachPossum 8 months ago
Went to a Lebanese food festival, paid for our entrance tickets. I turned to my friend and said, "Oh, look at us! We're honorary lesbians..."
Kenneth Smith 8 months ago
I was in line for Laff Trak at Hersheypark. They have a large painting of a girl laughing on a mural, her mouth wide open. I commented to my preteen daughter and her friend that Laughing Sally sure had a large vulva. My wife quickly informed me that I meant to say uvula.
Cat Dragon 8 months ago
One time one of my classmates asked "why is Ukraine so close to Russia if they know they're gonna get bombed?" And I have never had so little faith in humanity.
Milady Blue 8 months ago
A very dear friend told me of a good brain fart he had. He was babysitting another friend's dog, and wanted to get the dog a toy, so they could go out into the woods and play. He went into a local store, and looked around, but could not find the pet section. Went up to a male employee, and asked, "Excuse me, where do you keep your balls?" The employee gave him a strange little smirk, and my friend kept digging himself in deeper, "You know, the ones you can play with?" The employee was snickering and turning red at this point, and my friend ended with, "You know, the ones you..." and he pantomimed throwing something. Mercifully, the employee led him to the pet section, and was not quite out of earshot when he lost it, and started screaming with laughter.
Elizabeth 8 months ago
We actually have a name for this in my family! We call it a "Blair Moment", named after my older sister because she does this more than anyone else who ever lived (she actually loves that we named it after her). All of these entries fully constitute as examples of Blair Moments. Some genuine Blair Moments from the namesake include: The time she freaked out because there was "blood under her skin" (she googled what a bruise was). When she thought that King Kamehameha the 1st was alive and out greeting the commoners (we drove past his statue while in Hawaii). During the same trip she also was concerned that the queen was going to get mad at us for taking pictures in front of the palace. The queen…of Hawaii…which is a US state and has not had a queen since 1893! See why we all call them "Blair Moments" yet?
DRMAGDN 8 months ago
My dad told me a dad joke that I didn't get when I was in grammar school. He said that Pennsylvania was named that way cause a guy found a pencil and named it Pennsylvania. Next week in school, teach asked, I replied with the dad joke. Everyone laughed except the teacher. She was mad af. I had literally no idea why. Whoooosh. Lol.
Shannon Matthews 8 months ago
One of my cringiest moments was when I was ordering in a McDonalds drive through. I literally placed my order then confidently added "to go". Ugh.
Brian bell 8 months ago
It is "sharpest knife in the drawer." If people are storing knives in their closet I might be thinking red-flag thoughts...
AUndomiel 8 months ago
My niece and I were discussing flying home at the same time and meeting at the airport to share a rental car. She was looking at the ticket she was about to purchase and says: New plane again. Me: What? A new plane where? Niece: I always seem to get on new planes, they all have the same low mileage +/- 1500. Me: That's the distance of the flight. She made me promise to take it to my grave.
Aussiegirl 7 months ago
Mum went to have a nap when I was a kid & said don’t wake me up unless the Queen comes over. Not long after there was someone at the door & I said ‘Are you the Queen?’ HE wasn’t. Obviously I didn’t know who the Queen was but my brothers & sisters had a good laugh..
Pittsburgh rare 8 months ago
My daughter lost her keys one day and I informed my then boyfriend that I had put a sign on my apartment's staircase for whoever found the keys please return them to apartment #...the look on his face is something I cherish 🤣. Hadn't he told me it WASN'T a good idea l'd have probably left it. Luckily, it was only up for a couple hours and the keys never appeared.
Headless Horseman 8 months ago (edited)
My husband & I were getting ready for bed when I told him to turn off the sun. Light, I mean light. He wont let me forget this.
Jaybird3939 7 months ago
I worked for a Marriage and Family therapist. One time, she came out after an appointment and said "Gee, all the couples I see have such marital troubles!" Oh, how we laughed!
Christine Cameron 7 months ago
I worked at a coffee shop. Woman ordered 4 cappucinos and one Americano and asked me to label each cup. I suggested we just mark the Americano with an "A" since the other four drinks were identical, she flapped her hands and me and said "no, no, label the others or they'll all get mixed up." So I wrote a "C" on each of the other cups and made her happy.
Hey! 8 months ago
When my youngest son got married, one of the staff saw my flower on the wrist and asked me who I was. "Mother of the Bride!" No you're not, said THE mother of the bride! LOL. And I had just came in and she was already 3 drinks down.
FlamingoPanda 8 months ago
Asked my sister why the flags were all flying the same way. As an adult. Just one of many dumb things I have said when my brain has timed out.
ILoveMySon 8 months ago
I took a friend boating and a fire boat passed. He asked if I knew how much water they carried.
Pedantic Panda 8 months ago
Was once at a birthday party for a one year old. Speaking to the dad and struggling for conversation said, your kid is getting big, what age is he now? One. Obviously one.
Marianne 8 months ago
I once did a guided tour of a palace in Bavaria, where I saw a beautiful painting of Sissi (empress Elisabeth of Austria). And my dumb self asked the tour guide: "Is this a wedding photograph?". I didn't realize what I had said until this very confused guide told me that, actually, it was a painting. Picture. Picture is the word that I was looking for.
David 8 months ago
Many years ago, before I knew sign language, I was talking to a young deaf lady via notes. I wrote, "How long have you been death?" DEAF! I meant deaf. LOL
Cat Dragon 8 months ago
Reaper: Well I've been here for a few decades and I STILL haven't gotten a raise!
Load More Replies... Petra Schaap 8 months ago
im in the UK a lot. The other day i decided that i was going to get rid of my coins because i never use them. I gave them to the first homeless person i met. It was quiet a bit so he was very happy (maybe 10 pound) and he went like "oh wow thank you so much!!" i just smiled and wanted to say "no problem, take care man" and for some reason i said "no problem, i love you man" I RAN.
PeachPossum 8 months ago
Went to a Lebanese food festival, paid for our entrance tickets. I turned to my friend and said, "Oh, look at us! We're honorary lesbians..."
Kenneth Smith 8 months ago
I was in line for Laff Trak at Hersheypark. They have a large painting of a girl laughing on a mural, her mouth wide open. I commented to my preteen daughter and her friend that Laughing Sally sure had a large vulva. My wife quickly informed me that I meant to say uvula.
Cat Dragon 8 months ago
One time one of my classmates asked "why is Ukraine so close to Russia if they know they're gonna get bombed?" And I have never had so little faith in humanity.
Milady Blue 8 months ago
A very dear friend told me of a good brain fart he had. He was babysitting another friend's dog, and wanted to get the dog a toy, so they could go out into the woods and play. He went into a local store, and looked around, but could not find the pet section. Went up to a male employee, and asked, "Excuse me, where do you keep your balls?" The employee gave him a strange little smirk, and my friend kept digging himself in deeper, "You know, the ones you can play with?" The employee was snickering and turning red at this point, and my friend ended with, "You know, the ones you..." and he pantomimed throwing something. Mercifully, the employee led him to the pet section, and was not quite out of earshot when he lost it, and started screaming with laughter.
Elizabeth 8 months ago
We actually have a name for this in my family! We call it a "Blair Moment", named after my older sister because she does this more than anyone else who ever lived (she actually loves that we named it after her). All of these entries fully constitute as examples of Blair Moments. Some genuine Blair Moments from the namesake include: The time she freaked out because there was "blood under her skin" (she googled what a bruise was). When she thought that King Kamehameha the 1st was alive and out greeting the commoners (we drove past his statue while in Hawaii). During the same trip she also was concerned that the queen was going to get mad at us for taking pictures in front of the palace. The queen…of Hawaii…which is a US state and has not had a queen since 1893! See why we all call them "Blair Moments" yet?
DRMAGDN 8 months ago
My dad told me a dad joke that I didn't get when I was in grammar school. He said that Pennsylvania was named that way cause a guy found a pencil and named it Pennsylvania. Next week in school, teach asked, I replied with the dad joke. Everyone laughed except the teacher. She was mad af. I had literally no idea why. Whoooosh. Lol.
Shannon Matthews 8 months ago
One of my cringiest moments was when I was ordering in a McDonalds drive through. I literally placed my order then confidently added "to go". Ugh.
Brian bell 8 months ago
It is "sharpest knife in the drawer." If people are storing knives in their closet I might be thinking red-flag thoughts...
AUndomiel 8 months ago
My niece and I were discussing flying home at the same time and meeting at the airport to share a rental car. She was looking at the ticket she was about to purchase and says: New plane again. Me: What? A new plane where? Niece: I always seem to get on new planes, they all have the same low mileage +/- 1500. Me: That's the distance of the flight. She made me promise to take it to my grave.
Aussiegirl 7 months ago
Mum went to have a nap when I was a kid & said don’t wake me up unless the Queen comes over. Not long after there was someone at the door & I said ‘Are you the Queen?’ HE wasn’t. Obviously I didn’t know who the Queen was but my brothers & sisters had a good laugh..
Pittsburgh rare 8 months ago
My daughter lost her keys one day and I informed my then boyfriend that I had put a sign on my apartment's staircase for whoever found the keys please return them to apartment #...the look on his face is something I cherish 🤣. Hadn't he told me it WASN'T a good idea l'd have probably left it. Luckily, it was only up for a couple hours and the keys never appeared.
Headless Horseman 8 months ago (edited)
My husband & I were getting ready for bed when I told him to turn off the sun. Light, I mean light. He wont let me forget this.
Jaybird3939 7 months ago
I worked for a Marriage and Family therapist. One time, she came out after an appointment and said "Gee, all the couples I see have such marital troubles!" Oh, how we laughed!
Christine Cameron 7 months ago
I worked at a coffee shop. Woman ordered 4 cappucinos and one Americano and asked me to label each cup. I suggested we just mark the Americano with an "A" since the other four drinks were identical, she flapped her hands and me and said "no, no, label the others or they'll all get mixed up." So I wrote a "C" on each of the other cups and made her happy.
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