Slipped a disk in my neck because my cat made me jump

Had the wind close an iron gate onto my head

Had a wasp fly into my face when I was standing at the top of the stairs and ended up at the bottom of the stairs a lot quicker than I would have liked

Tripped up on my own feet in an attic bedroom and ended up on the landing, fell 8 foot flat onto my back

When fishing I badly messed up a cast and got a hook stuck in my a**e cheek

Think I will stop there, or this post could go on for a while

Ulfgeirr88 , Kindel Media Report

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Trying to be all arty farty and sharpening my pencil with a craft knife. Yes, I sliced open my thumb, fainted at the gushing blood, fell to the floor and stabbed myself.

I always use a pencil sharpener now.

EDIT::: Oh my! Thanks so much for the Gold Award! This has made my day :).

whoops53 , 2H Media Report

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Cut my hand on a broken, frozen chicken nugget.

Edit: This is by far the most upvoted comment I've ever made, so thanks.
My first job was in a chip shop. I had to get some nuggets out of one of the giant, overloaded and frosty stand up freezers. I plunged my hand into the box and when it came out there was blood everywhere. When I scraped some of the contents out, there was a nugget that had broken so had a glass shard-like edge.
I had to sit down for 5 minutes whilst the bleeding stopped. It seemed pretty daft at the time and it would appear that about a thousand people on the Internet seen to agree.

JiggyMacC , Evgeniya Davydova Report

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Got my arm caught up in my top when getting changed and in yanking it out, punched myself in the mouth and burst my lip.

frusciantefango , Anna Nekrashevich Report

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I once inverted a loft ladder into the loft, lay on it and said "thunderbirds are go", released the latch and ejected myself out of the loft onto the concrete floor below.

McRazz , Kindel Media Report

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Tried to take painkillers for a bad headache at work, somehow managed to slice my finger on the foil from the tablet blister pack (like an overpowered paper cut), bled all over my desk and keyboard. Colleague helpfully said "at least you've already had painkillers".

justdont7133 , cottonbro studio Report

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I was playing a computer game sitting cross-legged for 2 hours. Got up to make dinner but had pins and needles in my leg. Took a step, went right over on my ankle and tore some ligaments. Needed surgery and 9 months of physio.

I’m not allowed to walk if I get pins and needles again.

runwithcolour , Alexander Kovalev Report

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Broke a light fitting and got an electric shock trying to remove it. Called and electrician, and showed him what the problem was by touching the fitting again.

Mossley , La Miko Report

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Lying in bed, sneezed, threw my back out.

sandra_nz , Andrea Piacquadio Report

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A friend had her 18th in a pub in her town, whereas I live in the nearby city. We all left the pub they had their party at to continue the night back at theirs.

All the people ahead of me were walking down the long and winding path to leave through the gate. Directly in front of the exit was a small stone wall about 2ft high at most, and that was a significantly quicker route.

Obviously I was smarter than everyone who lived in this area and had been to this pub a million times, so I casually hopped over the little wall.

Turns out it's 2ft high facing the pub, but about 8ft high on the other side. I broke my ankle and collapsed like a sack of s**t. Struggled and limped all the way back to her house and assured myself it was just a sprain until the following morning when I couldn't walk at all and my mum had to come get me to go to A&E.

Slothjitzu , Kindel Media Report

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I was playing cricket and at tea I was walking back from the clubhouse, fell over fresh air and trying to protect my pork pies & vital goodies I broke 2 fingers.

ShiteCrack , Kodiak_Wylde Report

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Paper cut both of my eyeballs when I was tickling my eyelashes with the edge of a magazine as I watched TV (why, I don't know). Our dog next to me barked, made me jump which shoved the edges of the pages into my eyes.
I think the Dr at the hospital was even judging my stupidity.

Parking-Grade8241 , Michael Morse Report

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A dog fell off a 3rd floor balcony and landed on my head.

Knocked me onto the iron gate of our ground floor flat and I fracture my jaw.

Queen_Sun , Magda Ehlers Report

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I once slammed my head in my own car door. I was trying to slide into the driver's seat and close the door behind me all in one fluid motion but I mis-timed it somehow and trapped my head between the top of the door frame and the car roof.

It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't done it directly in front of my girlfriend's parents who were waving me off after I had met them for the first time ever. I had to pretend I was fine, then drove around the corner to clutch my head in my hands for a few minutes and try not to throw up.

PM_Me_Rude_Haiku , cottonbro studio Report

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I'm a wheelchair user and I once tried to show off in a club by getting up this pretty big step to dance on the raised area. Fell backwards and basically punched the floor when I landed, breaking my hand (though I didn't realise until the next day)

About 2 minutes later my partner tried to do the exact same thing and got a nearly identical injury

Who could have predicted that taking a GIANT step (like 4x the size of a curb) with no run up, on a slippy dance floor with slippy wheels, and nothing to grab on to, could have POSSIBLY gone wrong.... not us, apparently.

quinneth-q , Maor Attias Report

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Three spring to mind.

The first - I was grabbing a can of polish from under the sink and when I pulled it out, I jerked my arm too viciously and smacked myself in the face. Gave myself a black eye and a headache.

The second - at work, I was taking some money out the till to put in the safe. Had to be quick as it was super busy. Grabbed the Dosh, ran to the coded door, put the wrong code in and rather than push the door open, I walked right into it...it didn't open because I put the wrong code in. Another black eye, eyebrow piercing bled, and I smacked my head so hard into the door that I gave myself concussion and had to go home.

The third - in college, a friend and I decided to bunk off for the day and make cake. My mum had an electric mixer stick thing and I was showing my friend K how to scrape the excess mixture out of the hollow bit where the blade sits without hurting yourself. She was holding the stick so we could both see it...and she turned it on with my finger still inside. It didn't sever the finger, but now my left index finger has a big scar and no feeling in the place above where the blade hit. After we got to the hospital and got everything sorted, she said to me "do you think we could still make cake with the batter if we scoop your blood out of it?" No, Kirk. No.

I am one of the clumsiest people alive and fall down the stairs almost every day, so there's probably more but those are the 3 that I think of regularly.

yalliepants , MART PRODUCTION Report

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Where to start…

Stabbed myself in the foot with a garden fork while aggressively aerating my garden. Figured ouch but it’ll be fine. The next day it was twice the size and a very ugly shade of purple. Ended up in A&E on an antibiotic drip plus a course of antibiotics to take home and a tetanus jab.

Sawed my thumb with a bow saw.

Chopped the same thumb on the same day with an axe. Luckily I was only a kid at that point so not strong enough to do any serious damage.

Took the front of my shin right off trying to vault a wall, I could see the bone. Also as a kid.

As an adult, I was taking a pizza out of the oven. Had a pizza stone with a metal cradle. Foolishly lifted the cradle away wearing oven gloves which had no grip and it swung round and landed on my forearm; it was a pretty nasty burn which also needed hospital attention.

There’s more, but you get the idea.

ETA I also stabbed myself in the hand separating frozen burgers with a kitchen knife. The tip of the knife came right out of the other side of my hand. Luckily it went between my metacarpals otherwise that could’ve been lasting damage.

All in all, I think I’m pretty lucky to be alive, but pretty damn stupid for not learning from any of it.

polychromiyeux , David Rangel Report

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When I was a teenager I was lying down in my hallway doing art coursework with a pillow underneath my elbows. Had the whole house in complete darkness apart from a small light on behind me. The phone rang and as I ran to answer it got me foot caught in me laptop wire, ripping it out from the wall, getting my balance and then tripping over the f*****g pillow. Broke 3 toes and had to crawl across the floor to see who had rang.

kiwii-xo , Towfiqu barbhuiya Report

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Split my groin and d**k open as teenager by crashing a bmx into the ground after flying off the top of a half pipe and literally cocking up the landing.

Berookes , Oliver Morgan Media Report

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Oh I have a few...


Broke my leg slipping in a patch of booze whilst dancing enthusiastically to The Prodigy.


Broke my toe by stubbing it on a corner whilst hoovering naked.


Had to have 15 stitches in my hands when I picked my cat up to rescue it from a fight with anther cat.


Fell over putting my socks on and gave myself a black eye - I tried to break my fall, but punched myself instead.

Connect-Smell761 , Aibek Skakov Aibek Skakov Report

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Running to catch a train after a few beers with some mates (had been watching a 5 a side legends tournament in Manchester), tried being flash by vaulting a bin at speed.

Messed up the landing and tore my right calf muscle badly, missed the train too (no they didn't wait for me).

YinkYinkYinken , Ketut Subiyanto Report

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Running from the garden into the house, I jumped in through the patio doors. Except they were shut. My sister still laugh about how I boiinged off the door like a Tom and Jerry cartoon!

Dancing in my room wearing a pencil skirt. Kicked my leg up high, it whipped the other leg from under me and I landed on the floor. Luckily I was alone for that one!

Had a knife with a cover on it. Took the cover off with my thumb on the cover - of course sliced through my thumb. Bled like a bastard.

CaveJohnson82 , Pavel Danilyuk Report

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Two things come to mind. Both many years ago, when at school.

1. I fractured my arm (not stupidly) so didn't do gym for a couple of months. During that time, they replaced the springboard that we used with a mini-trampoline.

First gym class I was allowed to do, we were using the mini-tramp to vault a horse. Never having used one before, I jumped on it with the same force as a springboard. I flew through the air and never touched the horse, and broke my collarbone on landing.

After that, the gym teacher called me 007, as apparently it was quite cinematic.

2. In metalwork, I'd been using a soldering iron and hung it from its hook on a rack. I misjudged it and it fell off. Without thinking I caught it in mid-air, but by the wrong end.

RetiredFromIT , Blaz Erzetic Report

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I was removing the liquidiser blade from a stick blender and it was still plugged in. I said to myself with a loud inner voice - "DO NOT PRESS THE BUTTON" The other half of my brain heard it as "Press the button" so I did.

It wasn't so bad as the blade got stuck on the bone and didn't liquidise my finger but I couldn't bring myself to look at it until my wife, as if addressing a small child, made me.

barriedalenick , Kampus Production Report

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Ran over my own finger on skateboard and broke it (also had to have the nail pulled out of the same broken finger).

See also: ran over my own foot and ankle with my car.

WBCSMFer , Mike Bird Report

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I once went on a lads holiday and broke my wrist trying to lean against a fence whilst chatting up 2 girls. turns out the fence was just some rope and i fell 10 foot off a ledge onto a balcony below. proper only fools and horses style.

pb-86 , RDNE Stock project Report

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Was changing an office strip light and the bracket had somehow twisted itself, so I poked my (metal) Leatherman into the (live) fitting. Got an electric shock which caused me to punch myself in the face.

RunawayPenguin89 , Karmishth Tandel Report

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Dismantling my old wooden shed, planks of wooden panels with long rusty nails scattered everywhere. I was rather proud of myself and then I stood on one of them at a weird angle and surely enough it was perfectly aimed for my family jewels....the pain of it made me violently stumble backwards and surely enough, I stood on another plank with big rusty nails....

Superhhung , Engin Akyurt Report

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Slicing my hand myself with a new kitchen knife while unpackaging it, while talking about how sharp these new ones will be and being excited about it lol.

Kitty_Boom95 , https://www.pexels.com/photo/brown-handle-knife-on-brown-wooden-table-3809174/ Report

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Cutting my fingernails, didn't have clippers so carefully used a long craft knife. Sneezed and cut a 3 inch gash in the flesh by my thumb. Also got a bad habit of catching things I drop on my foot, stabbed my foot with the same knife.

Parking-Tip1685 , Roland LANNIER Report

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