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There is hardly anything better than waking up at the crack of dawn and making some English breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon, fried tomatoes and mushrooms, a bit of toast with marmalade, and a large mug of Earl Grey tea. And what better way to enjoy this feast than by eating it whilst you read the morning newspapers?
Unfortunately, some newspaper headlines can make us do a spit-take and drench the entire page in delicious tea (splash of milk, no sugar). You know the type of headlines that I mean: unintentionally amusing, very silly, and quite obvious how stupid they are if the overworked editors would look at them with a pair of fresh eyes.
Our team at Bored Panda has run, flown, and swum all over the planet looking for hilarious and idiotic newspaper articles, all for your amusement. So put your reading glasses on, scroll down, and upvote the headlines you enjoyed. We’d love to hear about any peculiar and giggle-worthy headlines that you’ve come across; even better if you’ve come up with them yourselves!
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I adore newspapers, just like I love books, writing things in notebooks, watering my ficus tree, and sketching on real paper. They’re real things that don’t disappear once the power goes out, the internet goes down, or the moment a zombie outbreak starts (Max Brooks’ ‘The Zombie Survival Guide’ will be worth its weight in gold then and I keep it by my bed at all times). However, times are changing. More and more news and entertainment can be found in the digital world. Which means that the print media industry is slowly declining.
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For example, in 2018, weekday print newspaper circulation in the United States decreased by 12 percent, while Sunday circulation fell by 13 percent, according to the Pew Research Center.
What this means is that on Sundays, when most Americans have more free time, they’d rather do something else than buy a newspaper; like browse the internet.
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Alex Bailey 6 years ago
It also says Exclusive to all newspapers and asks for contact from people who have seen her in Morocco. What trash-rag is this?
Richard Wareham 6 years ago
It's from the British satirical magazine Private Eye. It's a satire on the British press who were running around like headless chickens just printing any old rubbish to fill pages. Many of the papers were utterly pathetic in their response to her death and worthy of far worse than satire.
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Marcellus the Third 6 years ago
Doesn't belong here as it's from a UK satirical magazine -- it's INTENTIONALLY stupid.
David Kadlec 6 years ago
Ehm, I am pretty sure this newspaper article was meant to be a joke. I already noticed couple of times that BP has difficulties with recognizing good satire or irony.
Stimpy 6 years ago
The number for having seen her is the same as the other one. I think this is a satire
Tessa Thompson 6 years ago
It is. It's from the UK humour mag Private Eye.
Load More Replies... A B C 6 years ago
To all those commenting about the phone numbers being the same: actually, they exist purely of zeroes after the preselection. I'm pretty sure this number won't work anyways.
Uwe Theiss 6 years ago
You are right and I don't understand why someone is downvoting you for that.
Load More Replies... Robert McSmith 6 years ago
Not a real headline. This is satire from the humorous UK magazine Private Eye.
Derry Nando 6 years ago
This is a private eye story.This is essentially an onion article. You have been punked by this story.
David Muhl-Richardson 4 years ago
It’s a spoof from Private Eye. The non-existent p.94 is a running gag.
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kurisutofu 6 years ago
You won't believe me but I knew it! I was sure of it and I'm happy I'm validated!
Jerry Elliott 2 years ago
Nah really i thought she was dead before she was dead and by the way follow me
Laura Bragg 4 years ago
Aren't we all alive before we die? Unless you're talking to people that are on crack that look like they're dead
Richard Jones II 5 years ago
I don't believe this at all... clearly, as seen in the picture, she has one foot in the grave.
Rachel Jarrett 6 years ago
That's definitely from Private Eye (the cont. p94 is a running joke) so is a satirical article
Peter Spencer 6 years ago
That's generally how life is supposed to work, i.e. staying alive until you die
Anton Swanepoel 6 years ago
It should be obvious from the phone number at the bottom that this isn't serious.
antonio ballesteros 6 years ago
yep, just like the guy who woke up only to find out that he's already dead.
Cactuar Jon 6 years ago
This is truly shocking news. To think that Princess Diana was alive and well just hours before her tragic death... makes it all the more tragic I guess.
Stacie Wyatt 6 years ago
not to mention, she died in the headline, but if you think she is dead or have seen her, call us lol
Louise Stange-Wahl 6 years ago
Imagine that! I can tell you a story about a friend of mine who was in Paris when this happened, and was in NYC when 9/11 took place. I have to burn sage to purify the house when she visits! Don't need any more foul luck than I already have!
Christophe Beunens 6 years ago
No matter if you have seen Diana or not, please call this non-free number....
Kathy Young 6 years ago
This is cruel and ridiculous, not giving an iota of thought of those grieving her tragic lost!😖
Tessa Thompson 6 years ago
It's from the UK humour mag Private Eye, satirizing all the ridiculous headlines in serious media.
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TheExtremeSmell 6 years ago
Yeah but this makes sense since many believe she was actually shot before the accident by a second shooter on the grassy knoll
Iris Engler 6 years ago
I would have thought that counts for most of people. Also why they give two identically phone numbers to call when they ask two different questions? Why Morocco when Dodi came from Egypt? So many questions
And the situation is only getting worse for newspaper journalists and other staff members. Based on the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ Occupational Employment Statistics, in 2018, 37,900 people worked in the newspaper industry as reporters, editors, photographers, film or video editors. That is 14 percent fewer employees than in 2015, and a whopping 47 percent less than in 2004.
Do you think that newspapers have a future, dear Readers? Would you like to see a Bored Panda newspaper? Share your thoughts with us in the comments!
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Alex Bailey 6 years ago
Holding text that someone forgot to change. Often says Lorem Ipsum dolor...
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Kurisurin Sutaringu 6 years ago
On a separate note, that’s awesome! Means society is finally getting somewhere!
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Dilly Millandry 6 years ago
Probably laughing at how they look - some people pull some great faces when they're singing. Just look at people in cars at traffic lights singing away... look mad.
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Chris Watson 6 years ago
This one's actually not too bad, when you think of all the perils caused by earthquakes. The ground splitting open, fires from broken gas mains, tsunamis.....
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Colm Corcoran 6 years ago
Now what essential information you are missing here is that the Metro Herald is an Irish newspaper, very few of us know what the sun looks like!!!
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Zenozenobee 6 years ago
In a world where Tide Pods CHallenge exists, this is not unecessary...
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Chris Jones 6 years ago
It's a 'c**p' headline as it isn't about the sewers smelling but about where the smell is leaking from.
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Alex Bailey 6 years ago
That is a headline which is criticising the teachers who made the original statement and not a daft headline in itself.
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Final score:
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Hard 2 Guess 6 years ago
Makes sense if you think about it. Less money for people to vacation, hence less people on beach and in the water, less shark attacks. I don't see anything wrong with this headline.
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Foxxy 6 years ago (edited)
I am surprised there isn't many from the NT (northern territory) News. They are renowned for their funny headlines. A few examples are "why I stuck a cracker up my clacker", "Catnappers shaved my pussy", "trouser snake on a plane", "check out my flaps" and "game of phones" etc
J.Labuschagné 6 years ago
Quite a few of these are actually good. Funny, Ironic or purposefully obtuse, but good.
Amber Cook 6 years ago
These were a good laugh for sure! I'm so glad I'm from Utah and the news with Poison Control reminds us all 'Not to take poison'!
Uwe Theiss 6 years ago
Most countries have socially accepted tradions of poisoning yourself. So a reminder is not that bad.
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bert dandy 4 years ago
Our local paper here in Niagara Falls, Canada just published a headline reading, "Homeless sex offender sentenced to house arrest"
Thomas Heien 3 years ago
Newspaper in Houston posted today ‘“Death was too good for him” says stepmother of slain 16-year-old teen in Humble’. Taken out of context it sounds like she’s an evil person, but the victim was her stepdaughter.
Tom Wagner 5 years ago
Sure, they're funny... But I read most of these years ago. Where have YOU been?
Boris McGooligan 6 years ago
Great headlines! I saw one a few years ago in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle, it read: WOMAN HIT IN SNATCH
Karen Klinck 6 years ago
Can I get a job with one of these, actually proofreading instead of just collecting the salary?
Felicia Dale 6 years ago
Once, while crossing the midwest, my husband and I spotted a newspaper with this headline: "Today's Weather. Is It Out Of Control?" I so wish we'd bought a copy!
Larry Huffman 4 years ago
A quick note to inform the general public that era of HEPATITIS has come to an end. Dr. Iyabiye has the cure, it is available and I am a testimony to it. I lived with the disease for years until December last year when I met someone who was treated and cure by the doctor, she gave me his contact and I did tried him and his medication worked for me. Contact him now for help through; iyabiyehealinghome@gmail.com phone +234-815-857-7300
Foxxy 6 years ago (edited)
I am surprised there isn't many from the NT (northern territory) News. They are renowned for their funny headlines. A few examples are "why I stuck a cracker up my clacker", "Catnappers shaved my pussy", "trouser snake on a plane", "check out my flaps" and "game of phones" etc
J.Labuschagné 6 years ago
Quite a few of these are actually good. Funny, Ironic or purposefully obtuse, but good.
Amber Cook 6 years ago
These were a good laugh for sure! I'm so glad I'm from Utah and the news with Poison Control reminds us all 'Not to take poison'!
Uwe Theiss 6 years ago
Most countries have socially accepted tradions of poisoning yourself. So a reminder is not that bad.
Load More Replies... bert dandy 4 years ago
Our local paper here in Niagara Falls, Canada just published a headline reading, "Homeless sex offender sentenced to house arrest"
Thomas Heien 3 years ago
Newspaper in Houston posted today ‘“Death was too good for him” says stepmother of slain 16-year-old teen in Humble’. Taken out of context it sounds like she’s an evil person, but the victim was her stepdaughter.
Tom Wagner 5 years ago
Sure, they're funny... But I read most of these years ago. Where have YOU been?
Boris McGooligan 6 years ago
Great headlines! I saw one a few years ago in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle, it read: WOMAN HIT IN SNATCH
Karen Klinck 6 years ago
Can I get a job with one of these, actually proofreading instead of just collecting the salary?
Felicia Dale 6 years ago
Once, while crossing the midwest, my husband and I spotted a newspaper with this headline: "Today's Weather. Is It Out Of Control?" I so wish we'd bought a copy!
Larry Huffman 4 years ago
A quick note to inform the general public that era of HEPATITIS has come to an end. Dr. Iyabiye has the cure, it is available and I am a testimony to it. I lived with the disease for years until December last year when I met someone who was treated and cure by the doctor, she gave me his contact and I did tried him and his medication worked for me. Contact him now for help through; iyabiyehealinghome@gmail.com phone +234-815-857-7300
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