40 Of The Worst Newspaper Headlines To Make You Facepalm At The Stupidity

There is hardly anything better than waking up at the crack of dawn and making some English breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon, fried tomatoes and mushrooms, a bit of toast with marmalade, and a large mug of Earl Grey tea. And what better way to enjoy this feast than by eating it whilst you read the morning newspapers?

Unfortunately, some newspaper headlines can make us do a spit-take and drench the entire page in delicious tea (splash of milk, no sugar). You know the type of headlines that I mean: unintentionally amusing, very silly, and quite obvious how stupid they are if the overworked editors would look at them with a pair of fresh eyes.

Our team at Bored Panda has run, flown, and swum all over the planet looking for hilarious and idiotic newspaper articles, all for your amusement. So put your reading glasses on, scroll down, and upvote the headlines you enjoyed. We’d love to hear about any peculiar and giggle-worthy headlines that you’ve come across; even better if you’ve come up with them yourselves!

This post may include affiliate links.

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

431points

POST

View more comments

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

394points

POST

View more comments

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

387points

POST

View more comments

I adore newspapers, just like I love books, writing things in notebooks, watering my ficus tree, and sketching on real paper. They’re real things that don’t disappear once the power goes out, the internet goes down, or the moment a zombie outbreak starts (Max Brooks’ ‘The Zombie Survival Guide’ will be worth its weight in gold then and I keep it by my bed at all times). However, times are changing. More and more news and entertainment can be found in the digital world. Which means that the print media industry is slowly declining.

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

368points

POST

View more comments

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

343points

POST

View more comments

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

342points

POST

View more comments

For example, in 2018, weekday print newspaper circulation in the United States decreased by 12 percent, while Sunday circulation fell by 13 percent, according to the Pew Research Center.

What this means is that on Sundays, when most Americans have more free time, they’d rather do something else than buy a newspaper; like browse the internet.

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

327points

POST

View more comments

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

313points

POST

View more comments

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

302points

POST

View more comments

And the situation is only getting worse for newspaper journalists and other staff members. Based on the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ Occupational Employment Statistics, in 2018, 37,900 people worked in the newspaper industry as reporters, editors, photographers, film or video editors. That is 14 percent fewer employees than in 2015, and a whopping 47 percent less than in 2004.

Do you think that newspapers have a future, dear Readers? Would you like to see a Bored Panda newspaper? Share your thoughts with us in the comments!

#10

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

296points

POST

View more comments

#11

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

289points

POST

View more comments

#12

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

281points

POST

View more comments

#13

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

278points

POST

View more comments

#14

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

273points

POST

View more comments

#15

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

268points

POST

View more comments

#16

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

267points

POST

View more comments

#17

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

267points

POST

View more comments

#18

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

267points

POST

View more comments

#19

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

252points

POST

View more comments

#20

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

248points

POST

View more comments

#21

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

245points

POST

View more comments

#22

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

241points

POST

View more comments

#23

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

232points

POST

View more comments

#24

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

224points

POST

View more comments

See Also on Bored Panda

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#33

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

193points

POST

View more comments

#34

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

192points

POST

View more comments

#35

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

190points

POST

View more comments

#36

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

184points

POST

View more comments

#37

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

173points

POST

View more comments

#38

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

168points

POST

View more comments

#39

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

162points

POST

Alex Bailey 5 years ago

Well, reading the text it sounds like they were all wasting time.

65points

Lucy Shupe 5 years ago

He must have been the guy that was arrested for everything. (See number 21).

26points

Alexander Orie 5 years ago

Say no more, he's immortal

3points

Saara-Elina Kaukiainen 5 years ago

I don't think he cares.

3points

Berengaria Adams 5 years ago

So are they just gonna keep his coffin/ashes in a jail cell when he dies?

3points

Karen Klinck 5 years ago

My mother made my aunt the guardian of her children in her will. When I was 45, I inquired if we were required to dig her up and prop her in the corner. Mom finally changed the wording... You will find a lot of this is done to give the relatives closure, and also to make sure the perp never gets parole.

1point

Load More Replies...

Flame Phoenix 5 years ago

Great, we must have an immortal guy in there,.... That can't be good

3points

FFloopy 4 years ago

Oh that’s what the freezers are for...

1point

Blaise Meloche 5 years ago

You can never be too sure with the possibility of early parole!

1point

OTTER 5 years ago

Poor guy. That prisoner must have been devastated, leaving him no hope at all for a pardon or early release.

1point

Stacie Wyatt 5 years ago

i bet he cant wait until he gets out

1point

Ildiko Okido 5 years ago

Might be a cat; they have nine lives.

1point

Kim Bush 5 years ago

What, was he from the Highlander movies or something?

1point

OneHappyPuppy 2 years ago

Oh guys keep reading, it gets worse... He was "looking forward to 2000 years"

0points

Universal Fidelity 2 years ago

No, I'm out now.. I only served 1993 years.. Thank Me!... I mean, thank god

0points

Redwood Rebelgirl 2 years ago

He gets 2000 years for kidnapping & attempted murder...but child-rapers get out in 10? 🤔

0points

Carter L Kovac 4 years ago

Well, I mean he will still have a life sentence

0points

Nathan Fox 4 years ago

After that, whats the point of not asking for a death penalty?

0points

TC 4 years ago

I don't think he'll bother very much

0points

janeisnotmynamethatsforsure 4 years ago

this reminds me of the book The tiger’s wife

0points

janeisnotmynamethatsforsure 4 years ago

whelp.

0points

Mayson 4 years ago

He must had been scared as hell.

0points

Myriam Ickx 5 years ago

Does he care, at this stage?

0points

Ari 5 years ago

Lucky guy! Want to live that long too...

0points

Living_Shadow 5 years ago

Why would you give someone that.. like.. really?

0points

Breana Baines 5 years ago

I bet the original was actually 200

0points

Bonny Saxon 5 years ago

Too bad it's only good for this lifetime . . .

0points

Johanna-Nicollette Kidd 5 years ago

Life times more=till death

0points

Rainbow_Gal05 5 years ago

At that point it's not even worth it

0points

BusLady 5 years ago

So, more Hammer-time.

0points

Ashley Wright 5 years ago

Sure, why not give it to him!

0points

Danny Heath 5 years ago

Is he REQUIRED to serve his sentence?

0points

Bettye McKee 5 years ago

That's Oklahoma for you. If they can't hang them, they sentence them to 2,000 years.

0points

nala simba 5 years ago

And, some should.

0points

Useless Panda 5 years ago

It's to prevent parole. If you give a man a life sentence, officially it's not really a life sentence and they might be let out. Give them an obscene amount of years and it won't be as easy to get him let out.

0points

Bill 5 years ago

You are now granted immortality.

0points

Cats vs zombies 5 years ago

It might have been 20 years but... typo?

0points

DemPugs 5 years ago

They literally could've said they were seeking the Death Penalty in the Headline.

0points

Lucas 5 years ago

Then he'd be facing less time. 😜 Does seem rather pointless to sentence people to 2000 years but I'm used to UK justice where that wouldn't happen. The criminal would just be given 'life'.

3points

Load More Replies...

Miklós Nagy 5 years ago

Just when he tought he can come out!

0points

Hard 2 Guess 5 years ago

So that's why he's not coming back as he promised.

0points

Jacob/Becca Gizmo the Squirrel 5 years ago

He probably doesn't care.

0points

Carrie de Luka 5 years ago (edited)

Reading the article it looks like some are asking for the death penalty so he might be facing less time.

3points

Load More Replies...

View more comments

#40

Stupid-Funny-Newspaper-Headlines

Final score:

157points

POST

View more comments

Note: this post originally had 102 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.

See Also on Bored Panda

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

Read less »

I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

Read less »

What do you think ?

POST

Lucas 5 years ago

Great start to a Monday morning!! Now just have to try and force myself to actually DO something bar read Bored Panda.

38points

Foxxy 5 years ago (edited)

I am surprised there isn't many from the NT (northern territory) News. They are renowned for their funny headlines. A few examples are "why I stuck a cracker up my clacker", "Catnappers shaved my pussy", "trouser snake on a plane", "check out my flaps" and "game of phones" etc

13points

J.Labuschagné 5 years ago

Quite a few of these are actually good. Funny, Ironic or purposefully obtuse, but good.

7points

Nea 5 years ago

It would be fun to write for these newspapers.

3points

Amber Cook 5 years ago

These were a good laugh for sure! I'm so glad I'm from Utah and the news with Poison Control reminds us all 'Not to take poison'!

2points

Uwe Theiss 5 years ago

Most countries have socially accepted tradions of poisoning yourself. So a reminder is not that bad.

-1point

Load More Replies...

bert dandy 3 years ago

Our local paper here in Niagara Falls, Canada just published a headline reading, "Homeless sex offender sentenced to house arrest"

1point

Jo Choto 5 years ago

Where are all the "Florida man" headlines!?

1point

Jackson Harmer 4 years ago

Yeah!

0points

Load More Replies...

Lana Raven 5 years ago

This post and it's comments reaaally made me laugh!!!

1point

Thomas Heien 2 years ago

Newspaper in Houston posted today ‘“Death was too good for him” says stepmother of slain 16-year-old teen in Humble’. Taken out of context it sounds like she’s an evil person, but the victim was her stepdaughter.

0points

Person #1,051 3 years ago

My face hurts from laughing...

0points

Tom Wagner 4 years ago

Sure, they're funny... But I read most of these years ago. Where have YOU been?

0points

Boris McGooligan 4 years ago

Great headlines! I saw one a few years ago in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle, it read: WOMAN HIT IN SNATCH

0points

TC 4 years ago

These are not the worst ones I've seen

0points

Suzanne 4 years ago

All the editors must have been napping during the night shift.

0points

Karen Klinck 5 years ago

Can I get a job with one of these, actually proofreading instead of just collecting the salary?

0points

Borgia 137 5 years ago

I loved these. Cried laughing 😂🤣. Thank you 😘

0points

Felicia Dale 5 years ago

Once, while crossing the midwest, my husband and I spotted a newspaper with this headline: "Today's Weather. Is It Out Of Control?" I so wish we'd bought a copy!

0points

John Lang 5 years ago

Trust the Illawarra Mercury to stuff up a simple article headline and run with an editorial direction instead!! Nothing wrong with the article itself, the content of which suggests that it is from either late last year or early this year.

0points

Glynis Lailann 5 years ago

This article is giving me toothache.

0points

nala simba 5 years ago

"Shell found on beach!" Is one of my faves.

0points

Cenk Karaferya 5 years ago

Just wow! Lol

0points

Larry Huffman 3 years ago

A quick note to inform the general public that era of HEPATITIS has come to an end. Dr. Iyabiye has the cure, it is available and I am a testimony to it. I lived with the disease for years until December last year when I met someone who was treated and cure by the doctor, she gave me his contact and I did tried him and his medication worked for me. Contact him now for help through; iyabiyehealinghome@gmail.com phone +234-815-857-7300

-1point

Dog Lover 5 years ago

My response to all of these is ‘No s**t Sherlock’

-1point

POST

Lucas 5 years ago

Great start to a Monday morning!! Now just have to try and force myself to actually DO something bar read Bored Panda.

38points

Foxxy 5 years ago (edited)

13points

J.Labuschagné 5 years ago

Quite a few of these are actually good. Funny, Ironic or purposefully obtuse, but good.

7points

Nea 5 years ago

It would be fun to write for these newspapers.

3points

Amber Cook 5 years ago

These were a good laugh for sure! I'm so glad I'm from Utah and the news with Poison Control reminds us all 'Not to take poison'!

2points

Uwe Theiss 5 years ago

Most countries have socially accepted tradions of poisoning yourself. So a reminder is not that bad.

-1point

Load More Replies...

bert dandy 3 years ago

Our local paper here in Niagara Falls, Canada just published a headline reading, "Homeless sex offender sentenced to house arrest"

1point

Jo Choto 5 years ago

Where are all the "Florida man" headlines!?

1point

Jackson Harmer 4 years ago

Yeah!

0points

Load More Replies...

Lana Raven 5 years ago

This post and it's comments reaaally made me laugh!!!

1point

Thomas Heien 2 years ago

0points

Person #1,051 3 years ago

My face hurts from laughing...

0points

Tom Wagner 4 years ago

Sure, they're funny... But I read most of these years ago. Where have YOU been?

0points

Boris McGooligan 4 years ago

Great headlines! I saw one a few years ago in the Newcastle Evening Chronicle, it read: WOMAN HIT IN SNATCH

0points

TC 4 years ago

These are not the worst ones I've seen

0points

Suzanne 4 years ago

All the editors must have been napping during the night shift.

0points

Karen Klinck 5 years ago

Can I get a job with one of these, actually proofreading instead of just collecting the salary?

0points

Borgia 137 5 years ago

I loved these. Cried laughing 😂🤣. Thank you 😘

0points

Felicia Dale 5 years ago

Once, while crossing the midwest, my husband and I spotted a newspaper with this headline: "Today's Weather. Is It Out Of Control?" I so wish we'd bought a copy!

0points

John Lang 5 years ago

0points

Glynis Lailann 5 years ago

This article is giving me toothache.

0points

nala simba 5 years ago

"Shell found on beach!" Is one of my faves.

0points

Cenk Karaferya 5 years ago

Just wow! Lol

0points

Larry Huffman 3 years ago

-1point

Dog Lover 5 years ago

My response to all of these is ‘No s**t Sherlock’

-1point

40 Of The Worst Newspaper Headlines To Make You Facepalm At The Stupidity

Jonas Grinevičius

Jonas Grinevičius

Ilona Baliūnaitė

Ilona Baliūnaitė