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Even in this day and age in developed countries, there’s still an expectation that men ought to behave in a certain way. Instead of embracing the wide range of human emotions and interests, these men are told to be aggressive while avoiding any sort of vulnerability. This can lead to a lot of issues down the line. 

Redditor u/callmevicious sparked an important discussion on the internet after asking people to share the dumbest things they’ve ever heard someone say that ‘real men’ supposedly don’t do. And the idea that ‘real men’ don’t hug their sons is just the tip of the iceberg of toxicity… scroll down to see some of the other awful expectations guys have had set for them.

Bored Panda got in touch with the author of the thread, u/callmevicious, to get their thoughts on toxic and healthy masculinity. You'll find our interview with the OP as you read on.

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) Real men don't put cream in their coffee. I responded with, "real men don't give a s**t what other men think of their beverage choices."

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#2

Well, despite that fact that I'm a 210 pound, masculine former rugby player who drives a pickup and has been married to the same woman for 31 years, i am in fact gay because: * I cook * I like a grande no-whip mocha * I wash my a*s * I say "Good morning" to other dudes * I sometimes drink fruity cocktails * I like chocolate, deserts and sometimes Luna bars * I use a rolling suitcase and wear sunscreen * I like the occassional rom-com and British period piece. Geez, it's amazing I'm not living in a bathhouse.... WTF?

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#3

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) Real Men don't show their own children affection or accept affection from them, apparently.

Edit: Holy s**t this blew up. On behalf of all dads out there, I’m sending all of you a virtual hug. Every kid deserves to know they’re loved.

Rahkyvah , Kampus Production Report

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We wanted to get the thread author's thoughts on why their thread got so much attention on the internet. According to them, Reddit is "still male-dominated," which is why the topic made such a big splash.

"We as a society haven't really focused much on the 'old school' pressures we still put on men to appear stoic/strong/etc.," they told Bored Panda.

We asked redditor u/callmevicious about what could help someone become more aware that they might have toxic masculine values. "Repression leads to perversion. If you feel uncomfortable expressing certain emotions, that's something you need to work on," the OP shared their thoughts.

"A certain portion of the population still feels there is a social stigma attached to men expressing emotional vulnerability. It's when men bottle things up that they begin to feel desperate and feel compelled to reach out to the more extreme male-dominated, and toxic, corners of the internet, looking for understanding."
#4

Real men don't eat bananas. I just went to a bachelor party where I was the only gay man. I flew in from out of town so I asked the person buying the food for the weekend to get me some bananas for my breakfast. No one else would eat a banana that weekend. One guy even cracked a joke about how it was gay to eat a banana. When I eat a banana I'm thinking about a banana. If you think about a p***s when you see a banana, maybe you have some unresolved issues.

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#5

Anything behind that is stupid. Literally anything. There is no such thing as "real men". If you identify as a man, you are a man, no matter what you wear, how you behave, what you do for a living and what gender your partner is.

This "real men don't" should go die in a fire, no matter what follows behind it.

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#6

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) "Real men don't order dessert."

I'm sorry, it's "gay" to like sugar? This real man is gonna deep throat a bananas foster while holding eye contact with you the entire time.

tall_pale_and_meh , Ron Lach Report

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Meanwhile, the redditor shed some light on the main signs of someone who has embraced healthy masculinity. In their opinion, dignity and integrity are the most vital.

"Respect for yourself and others, particularly those who may be more vulnerable or face more of a struggle than you do. Having a sense of community is crucial; feeling both responsible for and needed by those around you," they said.

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"One of the most oft-cited quotes on Reddit is, 'A child that is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.' A lot of these guys feel not only isolated but unwanted. The only solution for it is to leave your keyboard and actually interact with people, without the buffer of a screen between you."
#7

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) I was at Joanns and the man behind me in line was buying something for his wife and didn't have any coupons. I told him about the app and the website and offered to pull up my coupons for him to use.

He laughed and said "Boys don't use coupons"


So weird. It's free money. How fragile is your masculinity that you pay full price when you don't have to.

send_cat_pictures , Hobbies on a Budget Report

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#8

Change diapers.
We had four kids and I was a union steel worker. I took a withdrawal on the union card because the cost of daycare for children was just ridiculous, so my wife, who was a school teacher carried the benefits and I stayed home with our last kid.
I had more than one ironworker tell me that real men don’t change diapers.
I asked them what they would do if their kid had a dirty diaper, and they all said the same thing.
They would have to sit in it until the wife got home.
It was then I realized how ignorant these guys were.

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#9

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) My dad told me once, "Men don't say thingy."

And frankly I agree. A man should speak eloquently. Be sure to enunciate. A say specifically what you mean.

Besides, there are way better words than 'thingy".

For example, doohickey, thingamajig, whatchyacallit, or whoswhatsit are of my favorites.

ticklish_stank_tater , cottonbro studio Report

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GenericPanda09
GenericPanda09
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ah.. the fun me and the missus have had during a building emergency when I've asked her to pass me the thingy..... 'no.. not that.. the thingymajig.... there... no not there.. the who'd youmaflip next to it.. no.. not that f*****g way... oh christ's sake... the wottsit with the handle.... not that one... how the f**k could that fit on this nut? right... are you taking the p**s now? I swear to f*****g god you're doing this on purpose now..... stop laughing... it ain't funny till we've stopped the flooding..... here hold this whilst I go and have a smoke look in the garage.

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PlatinumThe8-BitCat
PlatinumThe8-BitCat
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I can’t remember something I’ll usually say thingy, what’s-it-called, what’s-his-name, etc.

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Chucky Cheezburger
Chucky Cheezburger
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For an unknown, maliable substance such as peanut butter, grease or dynaweight, it's called "doopuckey"

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A. Starhawk Hunt
A. Starhawk Hunt
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I actually make a pastry covered meatloaf I call a giant whatsis…..

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Philly Bobcat
Philly Bobcat
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You know when you say "that thinga-ma-bob"? Would I say "that-thinga-ma-me"? And when you're talking to me should you say "that-thinga-ma-you"? In a proper setting is it "that-thinga-ma-Robert"? If 2 guys named Bob are together, do we say "that-thinga-ma-us?" I need to know...

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Isaac Zellman
Isaac Zellman
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Correct. Thingamajiger and doohickey are the correct and more eloquent words

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Tee Rat
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After a couple of hours it was usually "that damn thing right there."

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Kim McBain
Kim McBain
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry .. took me longer to read your thingy than it did your comment 😕

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The r/AskReddit thread made a massive splash on the internet. At the time of writing, Reddit user u/callmevicious’ question had 24k upvotes. The topic was incredibly popular, which just goes to show that toxic masculinity is still alive and kicking in this day and age. On the flip side, more men are aware of the dangers it poses.

Verywell Mind points out that toxic masculinity creates “extreme pressure” to behave in ways that are detrimental to their emotional, mental, and physical health. These men are expected to act tough, be aggressive, reject anything even closely resembling femininity, and strive to attain power and status.
#10

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) A guy at work described something his daughter did as “cute” and then some douche told him that men aren’t supposed to call things cute.

bela-77 , Josh Willink Report

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#11

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) "Real men don't have cats."

Laughable.

WhyAreYouSoSmelly , Yuliya kota Report

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#12

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) "cry" literally everyone cries stfu.

BlueberrirrebeulB , Ivan Samkov Report

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A huge problem with toxic masculinity is that it glorifies unhealthy habits. There’s a warped belief that self-care is meant for women only and that men should just tough things out. The result is that some men avoid going to see doctors when they run into health issues. They also avoid seeking a therapist’s help when they’re struggling with their mental and emotional health because they see it as a sign of weakness.

Meanwhile, the more a man embraces toxic masculinity, the more they are to engage in risky behaviors, from heavy drinking and using tobacco to avoiding veggies and greens. Combine that with the unwillingness to ask for help when health issues pop up and you have a disaster waiting to strike.
#13

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) Drink fruity cocktails, dude, my cocktail has 5 spirits in it, it's way more alcohol than your 3.x% abv. beer and it tastes nice .

OstravaBro , Amar Preciado Report

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#14

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) Wear pink. Pink is an awesome color - and you’re a little b***h if you think I’m not rocking an awesome color.

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#15

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) 1. My cousin was working at a chocolate shop and said a guy barged in asking for "chocolate for MEN." She never did figure out what he was talking about.

2. My grandfather firmly believed real men didn't smile in photos. Smiling = gay in his mind (needless to say he was a homophobe).

liberaliar , Daniel Xavier Report

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Broadly speaking, toxic men tend to hold sexist ideals. They tend to think that men are ‘superior’ to women and, so, avoid expressing their emotions, doing housework, and being involved in childcare. This extends to the type of interests, hobbies, and careers ‘real men’ can have. Someone with a toxic masculinity mindset might think, for instance, that anyone who is into dancing, sewing, cooking, or works as a nurse may not be as tough or worthy of respect as others. 

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These very same men also usually hold homophobic beliefs, often try to intimidate or bully others into submission, and are resistant to change. However, change is very much possible. And it starts with more self-awareness, and the willingness to ask oneself why they’re behaving the way that they are. Embracing the full range of human feelings and asking for help are not signs of weakness. Quite the opposite—they show a man is honest with himself, and has the strength, maturity, self-confidence, and resilience to be vulnerable when needed.
#16

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) Not sure if it counts, but a young woman wouldn’t sell me a Luna Bar because it’s made for women. I said “No. It’s marketed to women. But I like this flavor.” She said “I can’t sell it to you. It has estrogen in it.” We had a frustrating back and forth before I finally convinced her that I was willing to take the risk and she sold it to me.

NikkoE82 , Mike Mozart Report

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#17

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) "Hug their sons."

My dad hugged my brother for the first time when he was 18 and graduated high school. Dad was raised by his parents to not show outwardly love towards his children because that would "spoil" us. Our childhood was...odd.

First and last time I saw my dad cry was when his bird hunting dog died. As he dug the hole to bury it in their backyard.

The older generations were tougher, sure, but I know my dad would have benefited greatly from being hugged more as a child. That s**t gets passed down.

AWL_cow , Timur Weber Report

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#18

Eat dessert. Seriously. I was told it was gay to eat dessert. "Because children and women like sweet things."

F**k you, Paul, I am going to eat this raspberry cheesecake.

daneelthesane Report

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#19

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) I recently saw “If you’re a straight man and go see the Barbie movie you’re 100% a beta” I thought, “I’m so sorry that someone called you a beta once and that ever since you’ve been critical of your fellow man by hamfistedly dissecting everyone’s choices through an arbitrary and nonsensical social hierarchy platform that only exists to a few and matters to less! Bruh, you could do with some content that boldly and artistically tackles some questions of who we are in the universe, society and what real support and true friendship looks like. Maybe go see Barbie?”

TheyCallMeDoofus , Pavel Danilyuk Report

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#20

Pick anything that Andrew tate prick says and it’s probably gunna be up there with the most stupid

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#21

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) My former boss would die on the hill of "real men don't use rolling suitcases." He'd sooner throw out his shoulder carrying a heavy duffel bag than ever be caught dead rolling a suitcase through an airport.

Edit: forgot to add he also thinks "neck pillows are fruity" and can't stand when men wear them around their neck on planes. Also, re: the comments about benefits of hiking backpacks, I don't think I ever saw him sport a two-strap. Fellas, is it gay to have even weight distribution on your shoulders?

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#22

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) I was told that really men never look at their nails with their palm down and would only ever look at their nails with their palm up and fingers curled.

I gotta wonder how secure in your masculinity you've got to be to spend time even thinking about the right way to look at your nails.

totodododo , cottonbro studio Report

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#23

"Real men don't let women be on top during sex, because being on the bottom is a submissive position"

Fellas? Is it gay to have sex with a woman?

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#24

"Real men don't speak French"

When we were kids, my mother would speak to us in French and my dad in English. By pure coincidence, every other bilingual couple we knew was doing it the same way around. So when my little brother was 4, he decided men spoke English and women spoke French. He still understood French perfectly, but he refused to speak it. He'd also burst into tears when he heard an adult speaking the wrong language for their gender.

My mother told the school about this when she registered him for kindergarten. They put him in a class with a male francophone teacher and he got over himself pretty quickly.

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#25

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) Real men don't lift under (insert weight). Everyone has to start somewhere d**k head. I have been lifting for years but when I see a new kid try lifting crazy heavy with bad form I warn him it's a good way to get hurt. If they don't listen then that's on them.

Sodomy_Steve , Victor Freitas Report

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#26

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) My friends once introduced me to this guy who was talking REALLY LOUDLY.

I thought maybe he didn't realize how loud he was being so I said "you're a little loud."

Dude said "real men talk loud. Chicks like that."

I did not like that.

liberaliar , Helena Lopes Report

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#27

Ok so based on this a real man is a guy who:

Is sunburned. Smells because he doesn’t wash his a*s. Screams what he wants with very basic language.

Oh wow the lady must be swooning

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#28

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) Real men don't love their women as much as or more than she loves him. He has to always love her less and be less emotional to hold more power in the relationship.

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#29

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) "Read the Instructions"

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#30

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) Once saw a woman on twitter say something like “if a man is too eager when the free bread gets to the table that’s sus” and I was just blown away by that one

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#31

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) Wannabe tough guy: "Real men don't cook... Only women and gay men cook."

Me: "What about male Chef's like Gordon Ramsay?"

Response A) They're closeted gay men.

Or

Response B) A Chef is a paid position so it doesn't count.

mjohnsimon , cottonbro studio Report

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#32

Have long hair. I don't understand it at all. If Eddie van Halen can have long hair, then I can too.

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#33

Real men don't put others first.

I have a big family and a lot of my siblings have problems. I do my best to help them, even if it means putting their needs ahead of mine.

My ex-fiance thought this made me weak. A real man doesn't take care of other people, he puts himself first and takes what he wants. Going out of my way to help my brother, lending him money when he needed it, spending time giving him advice, made me a little b***h in her eyes.

We're no longer together.

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#34

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) I've heard real men don't drink tea.

_eviehalboro , Ron Lach Report

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#35

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) "Real men never say no to sex"

SuvenPan , Monstera Report

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#36

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) My ex husband used to say real men don't eat popsicles.

Edit to add: my current husband loves popsicles, ex husband was a POS who never got to experience the joy of an icy treat on a hot summer day in the south.

cinnamon23 , Danh Huynh Report

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#37

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) Use umbrellas.

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#38

When I was 14 or so, I got my left ear pierced. An older cousin of mine worked at Piercing Pagoda in the mall (mid 90s), and he did it for me.

When my father noticed, he was beside himself and went on and on about me being a sissy. I removed it right away.

Anyway, it turns out that Dad was a self-hating closet-case. Still is.

love_is_an_action Report

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#39

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) I saw a video of a woman saying “Real men don’t eat peanut butter and jelly” and I was flabbergasted.

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#40

Real men don't wear safety equipment.

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#41

Real men don’t tell their wives/girlfriends they’re going to go somewhere/do something they just do it. And if they don’t like it that’s too bad.

Like dude what?

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#42

Real men don't use straws lol. I've always thought like, no, "real men" drink however they damn well please

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#43

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) Wear sunscreen.

bubblypersona , Kindel Media Report

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#44

"Real men don't apologize"

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#45

*... Don't eat sweet things like candy or chocolate, it's gay.*

I f*****g love chocolate so I'm probably the biggest gaylord out there.

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#46

Real men dont drink fruity drink, only beers and hard liquor.

F**k off. I drink something if it taste good and i will die before doing 50 differents type of faces just to swallow something that taste like satan b******e and batteries acids

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#47

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) "wash their a*s because it makes them gay"

vpnme120 , cottonbro studio Report

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#48

enjoy candles

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#49

“What's The Stupidest 'Real Men Don't…' You've Ever Heard?” (50 Answers) “Sleep on their stomachs”

Merphee , Nicola Barts Report

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#50

Real men don't wear lotion or chapstick.

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