Join the Fun!

#2

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

244points

POST

Tempest 3 months ago

I saw this tweet years ago (check the date, it’s from 2018) and the exact words have struck with me ever since. I too plan to do this when I get my official medical license soon thanks to this random lady.

83points

#3

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

233points

POST

Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 3 months ago

Normalize childless couples.

91points

To get expert insights on why X (formerly Twitter) is a place where funny people thrive, we reached out to stand-up comedian Shaun Eli, who has been called one of America’s smartest comics.

He believes that there are two main reasons why there’s so much hilarious content on the social media platform. First, he says, “It's a popular medium with a huge user base, so it's a place for comedians to get noticed and have their content shared (or stolen, for that matter).”

#4

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

231points

POST

Auntriarch 3 months ago

He's a grown up already

100points

#5

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

219points

POST

Susie Elle 3 months ago

Yes

77points

#6

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

215points

POST

Luke Branwen 3 months ago

Also the "all episodes at once" releases destroyed something precious about shows. No week-long suspense after a cliffhanger episode. Also if you don't binge it on day one, you can't discuss it anywhere because people will spoil it for you and it's somehow your fault because you should have binged it.

49points

Secondly, he suggests, “It's easy enough to type your thoughts so anybody can find an audience for their content, pro comics, or anybody else.”

A fellow stand-up comedian and author of the humor book "You Can't Write City Hall," Jeremy Nunes, agrees with the fact that people can find their audience much easier and faster on X, no matter the kind.

"If you want to be the guy who makes jokes and represents vegetarians, you can be active with those groups and influencers. If you want to do the same for the carnivore crowd, you can be active with those groups and influencers. Likewise, if you want to troll and heckle those groups, you can find them."

#7

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

212points

POST

import pandas as pd 3 months ago

Guten Tag, Herr Beeman 🐝

52points

#8

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

201points

POST

Susie Elle 3 months ago

Whever I lose my introvert bf at a party he's either fixing everyone food or entertaining the kids, or both

79points

#9

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

198points

POST

Søren Schilthauer 3 months ago

Not to mention how essential their work is - that stuff piles up REALLY quickly and pose a serious health risk.

93points

He further explains, "As a general user, the algorithm learns what types of content you tend to interact with and feeds you more of that. Instead of the old TV-watching experience of flipping channels to find what you want, Twitter knows what you want and gives it to you. It's like Twitter is the dad that really wants his kid to love him—he's giving that kid everything he could possibly want!"

#10

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

194points

POST

import pandas as pd 3 months ago

I wish I had guts to joke around like that 😀

40points

#11

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

193points

POST

Chicken Nugget 3 months ago

*cries*

47points

#12

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

187points

POST

Gia SDP 3 months ago

One of my all time favorite books...have read it about a hundred times!

34points

Eli suggests that spoken and written comedy, like on X, have some things in common, such as putting the actual punch part of the punchline (the surprise) at the very end. This component is very important if you want to make people laugh, whether it’s on X or a stand-up stage.

#13

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

186points

POST

les 3 months ago

after many years authorities in utah have finally figured out ted bundy's trigger

130points

#14

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

182points

POST

Auntriarch 3 months ago

*makes notes*

47points

#15

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

180points

POST

Did I say that out loud? (he/him)cis/het 3 months ago

Someone doesn't know how merging is supposed to work.

84points

RabidChild 3 months ago

It's the people that wait until the last possible minute to merge that are at fault for the bottlenecks. So yea, you could say that they don't know how merging is supposed to work

16points

RedMarbles 3 months ago

Agreed. You're supposed to use the available roadway. There is no problem if everyone gets into the staggered zipper position well before then and zips together toward the end. Even if you're in the camp of those who don't want to let anyone in at the end, it's only a single car you're obligated to let in between you and the car in front of you - just let that one car in and then you can do the "I'll be damned if I let you in" with any further cars.

12points

AtMostAFabulist Premium 3 months ago

Hardly anyone knows how merging is supposed to work. Someone came cruising up on the shoulder thinking they were going to slide in front of me. Think again b***h. I moved up to keep even with them and they couldn't get over. I have no patience for people doing this.

8points

NapQueen 3 months ago

I think they mean if there is an 'x' in the digital screen above the lane, indicating an accident and so the lane is closed. Totally inappropriate to keep driving in it when there's an incident ahead.

8points

Keith Lancaster 3 months ago

I don't know how true this is but, I was told by a friend who lived in Germany for a while that they have signs saying "make like a zip" Which I think is great.

4points

Beachbum 1 month ago

I don't think this a merge, it is when a lane is closing, and everyone sees the signs that the land is closing, but some just wait till the very end to get over, because they don't want to wait, that is what this person is talking about, and feel very strongly about this as well.

1point

Nicky Shrimps 3 months ago

I wish them a broken zipper for each bad merge.

1point

Maisey Myles 3 months ago

They shouldn’t be driving

-2points

Jihana 3 months ago

Girl, that's how the system works. Why merge several km before the lane closes, it creates a traffic jam despite several km of empty lane.

21points

Meowzers! 3 months ago

Up voting your comment to counter the down vote. People who dont know how to merge are self centred pricks.

10points

Nicole Weymann 3 months ago

Sorry, but that's exactly how zipper merge is supposed to be done. I understand the fuming on an emotional level, but cueing up and clogging the one continuous lane WAY before it's neccessary just makes the jam start earlier and last longer.

20points

Sue User 3 months ago

But they dont zipper. The people in the closed lane will all keep going.

6points

Hiram's Friend 3 months ago

https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/cars/2019/07/23/zipper-merge-merging-late-recommended-states-experts/1748026001/

3points

veirdbuttrue 3 months ago

Yeah! what's with the fuming! merging is a legitimate move. In NZ we are told to merge like a zip. I don't understand the anger in the situation. It's fairly straightforward.

1point

Ria C. 3 months ago (edited)

I'm going to get downvoted but I think this person is not referring to merging per se but ie: a road near me is being worked on, everyone is usually backed up into one lane, because there is a huge sign that says left lane for left turn only. People will speed past the rest and cut people off to get past the traffic in the right lane. I have seen people literally keep going straight in that lane because someone will not let them over and almost hit the car in the right lane to get around the barrier blocking the left lane from going straight. People can be rude and selfish.

9points

Kalikima Premium 3 months ago

Yes! I swear I thought I was the only petty one..

5points

Karina 3 months ago

Someone should tell them that this is the recommended way. If they wanted the lane empty earlier in the field, they would have closed it at that point. Doing ut the "kailey" way described here causes longer lines. Pluss their wreck, when people follow the guide-lines. Dont be like Kailey

4points

C .Hunger 3 months ago

I can understand that 100%. I always make it a point to let one car in, and that's it. Judge and Jury.

4points

RedMarbles 3 months ago

That's all you're obligated to do with a proper zipper merge.

5points

Ham Fright 3 months ago

If you don't zipper merge, you the AH.

3points

Tyelel 3 months ago

The state of Wisconsin gives very clear instructions: "When you see a Lane Closed Ahead sign, continue to drive in your lane until you are prompted to merge." It's called a zipper merge. You take turns AT the point where the lane closes, not before, and it is the most efficient method.

2points

David 3 months ago

I read a FB post by one of those people just last week. They were talking about (local construction) and how everyone was merging over to the left lane long before they needed to. The idiot seemed to be convinced this was slowing down traffic and that if traffic stayed in two lanes until the very last part where it was one lane, that would somehow speed up the traffic.

2points

Scott Rackley 3 months ago

Yes, because that will speed up the single file line going through the choke point /s

2points

Foxglove🇮🇪 3 months ago

Sounds like Ireland. My hubby is always ridiculing drivers in the UK leaving lanes empty way before it finally closes

2points

Kelly Scott 3 months ago

I'm from never-ending-road-construction California. The road isn't closed until the road is closed.

2points

Tyranamar Seuss 3 months ago

That's right Kelly. The Californians, we all just accept this.

0points

Alyce 3 months ago

It's called a 'zipper merge' and I think the people who designed it don't understand human nature

1point

Tyelel 3 months ago

If u KNOW a lane is closed ahead and you merge before you're supposed to, you're wasting everyone's time twice - once when you slow everyone down to merge early, and a second time when you don't let the properly-merging folks in at the merge point.

1point

FM MD 3 months ago

Zipper up people!!!

1point

Julie S 3 months ago

I always leave a big gap so those people can get in easier.

1point

John Boy 3 months ago

You obviously are less than intelligent and don't understand that "zipper merging" keeps traffic flowing faster and is the way to do things.

1point

wowbagger 3 months ago

And this is why I'm scared to try zipper merging. What if someone doesn't understand it and gets mad at me and won't let me in?

1point

RedMarbles 3 months ago

I find that positioning yourself midway between the two cars you're meant to merge between as soon as you can see where it is you're meant to merge, rather than sticking very close to the car in front of you, almost never results in someone refusing to let you in. If they do, it doesn't take much adjustment to move back a position.

0points

Annette Jones 5 days ago

seriously, zipper merge is the most effective merging technique. What an idiot.

0points

Jay Cee 2 weeks ago (edited)

There's a really badly designed set of traffic lights near where I live (point of reference I'm a retired highway design engineer) where two lanes pinch down to one to go through the lights. The number of people that use the outside lane to push through to the front is unbelievable. Often they want to turn right straight after the lights to enter the DIY store (UK situation so drive on the left) but they KNOW they have to squeeze over to the left to go through the lights but continue to do it.

0points

Jane Hower 2 months ago

ACTUALLY, the RIGHT THING to do is have both lanes full and at THE POINT of when the one lane ends, that is WHEN the zip thing should happen - one car and then the next letting each other in. It actually speeds up traffic and no one is left way behind another. So GO to the end of the lane that ends and then get let in. REALLY!!! This is how it is supposed to work!!!!!

0points

Wendy Neumeyer 3 months ago

In my top 3 for inspiring road rage!

0points

Congruent Empath 3 months ago

You are the stuff that road rage assaults are made of. There is no room for competition on the road. It makes you a threat to all other drivers.

0points

Jorie 3 months ago

THIS. SO THIS! Feel free to sideswipe me. I will own you!

0points

CorgiGirl 3 months ago

I will second that

0points

MyName'sLisaMontoyaYouKiltMyPa 3 months ago

WORD!

0points

Mary Ross 3 months ago

Oh, HELL yes!!!

0points

Doofnuts 3 months ago

In these situations I will always make a space for a Semi truck because it's difficult for them. A car can suck-it.

0points

Squirrel Chaser 3 months ago

Or better yet, you watch them plow into a lane of freshly poured cement.

0points

minnieslave0 3 months ago

I heard this in my head in Deadpool's voice.

0points

Miki 3 months ago

Sooo you will break a traffic regulations?

0points

Kim Shannon 3 months ago

Darn right. And IF I let you in, you better not forget the courtesy wave.

0points

Geoffrey Scott 3 months ago

We were driving in Chattanooga Tn, and the semis blocked both lanes to stop this.

0points

Diandra “Mss Didi” Blackthorn 3 months ago

And so, her decision is to ruin everyone else's day by causing an accident and holding up traffic...

0points

Savahax 3 months ago

Petty. You indicate and wait for a gap

0points

”Once people get the joke, you're finished, so any extraneous words after that just serve to interrupt. Almost every punchline can be reworded to make sure that it ends with an actual surprise,” says Eli.

#16

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

167points

POST

Family's_disappointment 3 months ago

Stay Strong 💪🏻

39points

#17

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

164points

POST

Jelly.Bean 3 months ago

I always ask if I can pet someone's dog. never touch someone's ANYTHING without permission. thanks peep🫶

15points

#18

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

163points

POST

Nicole Weymann 3 months ago

"Yeehaw high school": I love it! 😂

46points

Even though there might not be a secret formula that can teach people to create funny tweets, knowing the basic joke structure might help. Usually, there are two parts to it: a setup and a punchline, which Eli has already mentioned.

The former introduces the topic the joke will be about, and the latter, as discussed previously, takes it in an unexpected direction. Playing with words, like using puns, is also one way to achieve comedic effect in written jokes.

#19

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

161points

POST

Isabel Galvez 3 months ago

Noted.

40points

#20

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

159points

POST

Chicken Nugget 3 months ago

grandma was playing 4d chess while you were playing checkers

136points

#21

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

152points

POST

Luke Branwen 3 months ago

Bet his brother was namen Obi-Juan.

163points

In fact, Nunes believes that X works similarly to comedy in general. "Because of the character limit, you have to be quick and to the point, just like standup. It also works the same as when my son is explaining how he got into trouble. I have to say, "Ok, let's fast forward to the part where you got sent to the principal's office."

#22

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

150points

POST

Jennifer Smith 3 months ago

Can anyone figure out what the censored word is?

78points

#23

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

147points

POST

Diandra “Mss Didi” Blackthorn 3 months ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

30points

#24

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

147points

POST

Koalafied to komment 3 months ago

Green flag!

69points

As for the future of X, Eli believes that it will no longer be the place for funny content as it is now and was in the past. “I think that Twitter will become less of a medium for jokes as time goes on as it continues to become more of a forum for lies and hate speech rather than shared reasonable thoughts and facts. I know professional comedians who have stopped posting there for that reason.”

#25

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

145points

POST

Savahax 3 months ago

Before I answer the phone for someone I know completely disregards my hatred towards unnecessarily long phone calls I grab my keys and literally make my way to the front door and also leave the house. They can hear it all and I then end it my saying "well yeah but I got to drive now" and hang up. Then go back inside

33points

#26

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

144points

POST

Chicken Nugget 3 months ago

run

28points

#27

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

143points

POST

Myoviridae 3 months ago

I give take-home, open-world exams. This is because I am not trying to train my students to memorize definitions/facts. I am training them to be able to look up information they don't already know and to be able to think through problems using that information. I have had many students tell me they will remember things from my class much more than the "memorize and forget tests".

25points

However, Nunes remains positive. "I think it will grow, and their leadership will find unique ways to do so. I would never bet against Elon Musk. I'd bet against the Washington Generals, but never Musk."

#28

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

139points

POST

DudeFortitude (He/Him) 3 months ago

We must make sacrifices...

12points

#29

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

120points

POST

Tobias Reaper 3 months ago

those sentences are ruff

48points

#30

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

116points

POST

jon gilbertson 3 months ago

Ulta beauty supply, had to Google it.

52points

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#31

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

54points

POST

Anywhere but Here 3 months ago

I hope she tipped him

24points

#32

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

50points

POST

Luke Branwen 3 months ago

Yeah, I'm not obligated to know all the social media hotshots. I once apparently inflicted psychological damage on my very gen-Z student (I'm a young millennial) by asking "Who's Mr. Beast".

16points

#33

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

49points

POST

Rory August 3 months ago

Careful, kids bite.. it's a problem!

7points

#34

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

46points

POST

Khavrinen 3 months ago

Speaking as someone who works the night shift, I get this all the time, too. Especially when traffic is unusually heavy. "Hey, I work this shift specifically so I don't have to deal with clogged roads, what are you all doing out here ruining it for me?!"

13points

#35

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

45points

POST

Chicken Nugget 3 months ago

don't do that! poland is too close, go to antarctica

13points

#36

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

44points

POST

Pan Narrans 3 months ago

So I can go outside and adopt a feral woman?

20points

#37

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

43points

POST

ZorgtheAlien 3 months ago

Had me in the first half...

9points

#38

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

43points

POST

Susie Elle 3 months ago

It's a lie, though. Water isn't even tear free lmao

19points

#39

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

41points

POST

Chicken Nugget 3 months ago

back in my day, the mail used to come in a horse

10points

#40

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

40points

POST

detective miller's hat 3 months ago

I get some of my pay in cash, but sometimes my boss forgets so he just Venmo's me the money, and it's ALWAYS something inappropriate: strippers, crack, hookers, cocäine, and my personal favourite, "circus elephant."

16points

#41

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

39points

POST

Pittsburgh rare 3 months ago

You do you, but giving business to the person you want to teach a lesson is not a great idea. Waxing is part of her job, hardly humiliating.

8points

#42

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

39points

POST

Beak Hookage 3 months ago

A famous playwright released a play called CLOSED FOR RENOVATIONS. Nobody showed up.

8points

#43

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

38points

POST

Nicole Weymann 3 months ago

Hey, 10 AM is a great time for margaritas. Closer to the end of the work day you might be DUI-ing home. 🤷😄

23points

#44

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

38points

POST

Slapdash1 3 months ago

The weirdest bøner ever

8points

#45

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

36points

POST

Mohsie Supposie 3 months ago

Because it IS life or death!!

15points

#46

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

36points

POST

Pan Narrans 3 months ago

Well, there's a difference if you're in Florida or Canada...

17points

#47

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

32points

POST

Beak Hookage 3 months ago

Maybe he thought you needed the banana flavour for scale?

18points

#48

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

30points

POST

Beak Hookage 3 months ago

I wake up as an ugly, smelly trash goblin but after a nice hot shower I step out as an ugly trash goblin who smells a bit nicer.

33points

#49

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

29points

POST

Diandra “Mss Didi” Blackthorn 3 months ago (edited)

Cheers Captain Ravioli! Have your fun and never stop!

10points

#50

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

28points

POST

Chicken Nugget 3 months ago

absolute legend

17points

#51

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

26points

POST

sheetzy 3 months ago

Or I know that he was a participant in one of his friend's Only Fans videos

6points

#52

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

25points

POST

Pittsburgh rare 3 months ago

I'd reconsider my whole relationship based on that alone.

39points

#53

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

24points

POST

Chicken Nugget 3 months ago

he was scared of the dark and needed someone to guard him

8points

#54

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

22points

POST

annie 3 months ago

what about cows? that would be an udder shame!

25points

#55

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

19points

POST

kath morgan 3 months ago

You were supposed to be doing the reading as you went along 😂

12points

#56

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

19points

POST

Did I say that out loud? (he/him)cis/het 3 months ago

There has never been a woman chief mechanic of an F1 team.

9points

#57

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

16points

POST

Koalafied to komment 3 months ago

Not a fan. Animals should not be gifted, no matter the reason. Getting a dog should be wisely planned ahead, especially a puppy, because you basically need to be home for an extended period of time.

22points

#58

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

15points

POST

Chicken Nugget 3 months ago

poor dad

14points

#59

Story-Time-Tweets-Omgstorytime

Final score:

14points

POST

AJay 3 months ago

NO NO NO DON'T DO THAT! The one time that I decided to throw the box away because I "wouldn't need it", I DID. I DID NEED IT. AND I DIDN'T HAVE IT! I have since learn from my mistakes.

21points