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We’re huge fans of storytelling. Spin us an interesting yarn based on your adventures and you’ll have us hooked for more. Many of us probably have at least one intriguing story that we like to tell everyone we meet. However, these tales might have an element or two in them that are only meant for grown-ups.
Inspired by u/ls19962010, the parents of the r/AskReddit group shared the stories they “can’t wait” to tell their kids once they’re a little bit older. Keep scrolling for the most intriguing posts—from serious and honest to wholesome and hilarious—that we’ve collected, and don’t forget to upvote the ones that impressed you the most.
Bored Panda reached out to Jodi Wellman, MAPP, for her thoughts on moving past fear and regrets to live a meaningful life worth telling others about. Wellman is the author of the book 'You Only Die Once: How to Make It to the End with No Regrets' and the founder of 'Four Thousand Mondays.' Read on for our interview with her.

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#1

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up When my oldest was little, he was SUPER into giving candy out to trick or treaters on Halloween. When he was 4, we went out to get candy too of course, but afterwards he was excited to hand candy out and guess the costumes.

We live on a cul-de-sac and it rained that year so we only got a couple trick or treaters and he was heartbroken. So, I grabbed a bunch of old costumes from the attic and some old sheets,and snuck out the basement door around the front of the house and came to the door several times dressed as another character, hiding my face. My son was SO excited to give out more candy. I had to literally bite my tongue from chuckling.

Then I went to the neighbor across the street that had a teenage son, who had all his friends over for a party. I asked them if they would come and get candy from my son, no costumes required, he just wanted to give candy. They happily obliged, cleaned us out,and everyone was happy.

Illustrious-Science3 , Charles Parker / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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We asked Wellman about how someone who wishes to live meaningfully can move past their fear of being judged by others if they fail. "One of the best ways to get motivated to take action on a dream—whether it’s minute or magnanimous—is to play the regret game. Fast-forward to your eventual deathbed… Would you regret not taking action on that dream? Or would you regret that you did take action and maybe it didn’t work out?” she told Bored Panda via email.

According to Wellman, research clearly shows that most people regret the paths they didn’t take rather than the mistakes they made along the way. "Reframing mistakes (that may or may not be ripe for judgment) as evidence of a life well lived can also be motivating. Giving a goal a try and coming close usually feels better than the wistfulness of not trying at all."

Wellman pointed out that we shouldn't be so concerned with other people judging us. The reality is that they don't harshly judge us for the mistakes we make. "If anything, they deep down feel a bit of envy for not taking risks themselves. Most of us can live with that kind of judgment!” she said.

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#2

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up When I turned 36 I stopped eating my vegetables and then my leg fell off…actually it was bone cancer but the kids are getting my version.

Quick-Dig , ShotPot / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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LynzCatastrophe
LynzCatastrophe
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm 6 foot one. All my cousins and friends with kids have asked me to lie and tell their kids I got this tall by eating vegetables (and whatever else mom wants), when the kids ask. One day, they'll learn about genetics.

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Angie Koga
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I probably shouldn't be laughing this hard. I mean, he lost his leg to cancer. That's horrible! But I'm loving his attitude!!

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Sydney B.
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Okay but if their legs fall off they can get some cool prosthetics and be like their superhero parent so really what's the downside here??

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#3

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up Got into a head on collision. I walked away the other guy died. I was wearing my seat belt he wasn't. 


Wear your seat belt kids.

reddittwayone , Per Lööv / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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Something to keep in mind is that when we take action to reach our dreams, we can set a good example for others. Including our kids. We're leading by example! "Demonstrating that we are willing to go for it, willing to take a risk and really participate in life, can be a really helpful intrinsic motivational spark plug for ourselves that also teaches valuable lessons to those we are mentoring. Dream it and do it… rather than letting dreams become dormant intentions," Wellman told Bored Panda.

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The founder of 'Four Thousand Mondays' shared a few thoughts with us on dealing with regret. "It is sometimes helpful to reflect on the research that regrets of commission—the things we did and wished we hadn’t—tend to haunt us less over time than the regrets of omission—the things we wish we had taken action on but didn’t," she said.
#4

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up I’d like to tell them about their grandfather that they never got to meet, he died last year. He spent 37 years in the ambulance service. He delivered 36 babies including me and he delivered me on Father’s Day.

MusicalTheatre08 , Jonathan Borba / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#5

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up Not my kids, but some very close friends and their kids stayed with us after escaping a domestic violence situation. Awfully hard not to condemn the kids' dad though we were blunt about how wrong his actions were.

Kids really hated on their mum for 'breaking up the family' and their dad poured mad fuel on that fire. My goodness he's a filthy piece of work.

Poor kids dealing with so much already and it's not okay to have a toxic parent vs parent with kids in the middle, they end up hurting the most if you let your outrage leak. We kept the kids as oblivious as possible to the gruesome truth about what happened and how scummy their dad is, even as he couldn't and can't stop himself from doing exactly that to the kids against their mum. Just writing this makes me wanna burst his bubble, but *breathe*.

When those kids turn 18yo I'm gonna make sure their knowledge of family history is accurate.

It took insane backbone for their mum to escape and she continues to pay a high price. They need to know their mum is a freaking hero who took the high road, she forges a way through hell and walks a horrible balance between protecting the kids from their dad without alienating him from them. They need to know, if only so they're better armed against finding abusive partners who remind them of their dad when they get to the same life choices.

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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is 18 not a bit late for that? People do get in relationships before that age...

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#6

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up Honestly, the struggles of being judged while working as a stripper and going to school to build a better future for myself to ensure they wouldn't ever have to struggle like their mom did.

SFWstripper2 , Eric Nopanen / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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AtMostAFabulist
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Premium 6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have nothing but respect, it's not my job to comment on what you need to do to make a living.

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"If we are ruminating about bad choices from the past, it’s helpful to imagine the decision flowing like water under a bridge and letting it go. The more we focus on taking purposeful, intentional action toward goals that currently matter, it can alleviate some of the angst about the mistakes we have made in the past. Preventing a 'coulda shoulda woulda' regret can be the balm we need to forgive ourselves for regrets that happened in the past."

You'll find some more in-depth insights about living to the fullest on the 'Four Thousand Mondays' site, as well as in the book 'You Only Die Once: How to Make It to the End with No Regrets.'
#7

When my late grandmother had hip replacement surgery, my mom stayed over with her for a while to help her around the house. My mother is a very strict, uptight medical worker and my grandmother was like me (or, the other way around), a rebel, even though she grew up in a small town. One day, I received a call from my mom who asked me how things were going with a little "So, grandma wanted to know if you could bring some...you know...green". I was so shocked I didn't get it at first and asked her what she meant, and then she said, "I meant grandma wants to know if you can bring some WEED" (my mom tried smoking once with me before that and my grandma never). So the three of us smoked, and my grandma actually went a bit overboard and had a really bad paranoia trip where me and my mom (both baked af) tried to help her while my mom said dead serious to me at one point "you do realize we can't call the ambulance if anything happens, right" beacause she would see her work colleagues and it still makes me chuckle so much even after grandma's passing. She was great the next morning btw, she said "Well my hip didn't hurt for sure" because she was tripping B*LLS. Love you grandma.

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#8

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up About life in Ukraine during the war.

sanjasergeev7qcf0 , Levi Meir Clancy / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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Nichole Harris
Nichole Harris
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So sorry y'all dealing with that! Wish my government was helpful instead of being turds

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#9

When my nerdy genius cousin 20M greeted my mom and I at grandma’s funeral visitation ,his eyes were glassy red. My mom said “Oh look, He’s so upset about your grandma” She hugged him extra tight. I am seeing my cousin as stoned, as stoned can be. He says “c’mon cousin, lets go walk around and share memories of Grandma’s house”. It was very good weed. We were both “upset” red eyed, for Southern Baptist funeral. No disrespect Grandma. We were both nerdy misfits partaking in marijuana communion.

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You'll only have tons of interesting stories to tell your kids if you live an energetic and full life. Most of us probably want to live interesting and meaningful lives full of awesome experiences that we can then regale everyone with. But this often won’t happen unless you purposefully pursue this sort of lifestyle. If you don’t make the time to do what you love now, putting it off till tomorrow or next week or next year won’t help.

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Let’s be real: life often gets in the way of, well, enjoying life. From work and school to parenting and chores, we’ve got tons of responsibilities on our shoulders. It’s often hard to find the time or the energy to do something fresh and interesting when you’re exhausted, crave sleep, and want a moment’s peace.
#10

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up I think a story about the pandemic will be quite entertaining. I feel sorry for kids that will have the 2020's on Thier History exam, f**k ton happened.

unknown_person-22
I'ma tell my kids of the time I survived COVID-19. I'ma really play it up too, bring out all the dramatics. I'll drop it like parent lore. "Oh yeah, the toilet paper rush? People were hoarding and trading them like pokémon cards.". " Oh you want to go play with your friends? I had to be 6 ft away from them at all times when I was your age.".

KubaSamuel , Kelly Sikkema / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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#11

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up One of her ancestors was a samurai in the 1800s. Turns out there are some HIGHLY detailed records that include him. And they're being scanned and translated. One of them talks about a night that he and his squad spent at a certain type of house. It goes so far as to say the name of the courtesan he employed that night, and the specific room in the house they occupied.

Great great grandpa samurai sure had some adventures...

godzillakilledme , Austrian National Library / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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Z Man
Z Man
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hard to believe they had libidos...I guess thats why most of us are here...

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#12

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up I tackled someone robbing my store and got him arrested.
A store I worked at. Probably shouldn’t have and was dumb in hindsight but what can I say, instincts took over lol. I also have a video of it to look back on.

Ares4217 , Tom Sodoge / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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AtMostAFabulist
AtMostAFabulist
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Premium 6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good job, but you have to be careful doing that.

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So, all tired from your adult responsibilities, you decide to lie on the couch and flick to a random cozy TV show instead of going out to search for little adventures. It’s natural to want rest. But if being a couch potato has become a habit, don’t be surprised to find life passing you by. In the end, you’ll end up reading and hearing other people’s cool stories rather than sharing those of your own.

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If you’re chronically tired, burned out from work, or constantly anxious, you may want to schedule an appointment with your doctor or therapist. They might be able to give an outsider’s perspective on what you can change in your life to have more energy and focus.
#13

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up That the grandmother changed the course of our family.

My grandparents were addicts (sobered up and were amazing grandparents though). She didn't have the best childhood and married my dad at 18 when he joined the airforce. My mom went into banking when her sister wrote a fake reference letter on the letter head of the bank she was working for. My mom climbed the corporate ladder breaking the glass sealing and only having a high school degree. She's been often working with her peers of all college educated men while she has put in the work to get where she is. She has helped my dad with his drinking problem my whole life. She also was there to support me through my drinking problem and I am sober today. She's the American dream. Bought a home and a vacation home. Sent her 3 kids to one of the best universities in our state making us first generation college graduates. She's provided us with so much and is my hero.

I don't have kids but have nephews now and will have kids of my own someday. And they will all know someday that there grandmother (my mom) has made this life possible through her hard work.

They will also be told about addiction early. I felt my parents kept me and my sibling in the dark about it for most of our lives. Addiction runs heavy on both sides of my family and also in my girlfriends family. So likely atleast one of my kids will have the gene and struggle with it. But I think being open about the danger of d***s and alcohol. And not just that it's bad but what it can do to those around you.

jdj7w9 , Rodrigo Pereira / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Catlady6000
Catlady6000
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Especially what it does to those around you. We don't always care or take seriously the dangers to ourselves, most of us do care about the people closest to us

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#14

It'll be great-nieces or nephews for me, but I'm going to tell them about the time their great grandmother and I stood in the back garden in our pyjamas looking at the northern lights (something that rarely happens in our part of the UK). And how their great grandmother waited nearly 67 years to see them.

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Lydsylou (she/her)
Lydsylou (she/her)
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I live in the UK but I missed the northern lights. I didn't know about them the first night and went to bed early. The second night I watched Eurovision to stay up and couldn't even see them

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#15

It is still being written as we speak, but the story of the theocratic revolution in my country, how they managed to do it and how we're going to reverse it.
If I'll be able to survive it.

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Usually, it’s the small things that we do every day that determine what kind of life we have. Someone who goes out of their way to exercise even a little bit every day is likely going to be more energetic than someone who eats junk food and barely moves all day.

In a similar vein, someone who steps out of their comfort zone to meet new people is bound to have far more intriguing experiences than a person who works at home and spends all of their free time glued to their screens. These small habits add up very quickly over time, whether to our benefit or detriment.

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#16

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up Why I laughed so much at something my daughter said.

When she was about 7, my inlaws had their house burgled. They got in through the downstairs toilet window.

My daughter was frightened and upset when she found out, but after hearing how they got in she said "if they got in through the toilet they might have been turd burglars" I have no idea where she had heard that before. Me and my father in law had to go into the garden for a good chuckle.

crimsonavenger77 , Giorgio Trovato / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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#17

During covid I was going to propose to my now wife. She lived in Ontario and me in Minnesota. When the border closed I had our wiener dog with me in Minnesota. Had the dog for 7 weeks before smuggling her across with a trucker. That was may 2020. I had to wait till December and was able to get an exemption to cross. Only time I’ve ever been nervous at the border. I had an engagement ring to claim duty on. The agent asked me what my plan was. Like a moron I said get across, quarantine for two weeks, ask her parents for their blessing, and hopefully she says yes. The guy goes no long term, like who’s moving to which country? Fun times. She did say yes we got married the next year and I received permanent residency in Canada January 2023.

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#18

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up When my wife and I were "rearranging our bed" while we thought our son (7) was asleep and he yelled "Are you having a baby in there??". He then proceeded to grill us from his loft bed in the other room while we laughed as quietly as we could and tried to convince him she had stubbed her toe really bad.

Kenneth_Naughton , Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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Telling someone to seize the day is very easy, but putting it into practice is tough! What you need to do is develop a growth-oriented mindset. That means getting into the habit of seizing opportunities as they come along. It also means putting yourself in situations where you can enjoy something exciting or new more often.

This probably won’t happen overnight. You’ll change your lifestyle step by step. However, this incremental change won’t happen at all if you’re not willing to alter your current routine in any way. So, if you’re not living your ideal life, ask yourself what is one thing you could change today to get closer to it. Maybe that way you’ll have some interesting stories of your own to tell in the near future.

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What stories can you not wait to tell your kids when they're just a bit older, dear Pandas? What do you do to live a meaningful and purposeful life? Tell us all about it in the comments.
#19

THe time a couple of years ago when the kids had an argument because the older one wouldn't share with the little one. The little one (3 at the time) ran upstairs crying. Moments later the crying turned to laughter and I went upstairs to find her dancing naked on he sister's bed peeing all over it in the ultimate act of revenge for not sharing.

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Kate
Kate
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was about 13, so sis was about 7, when she decided to hide in my closet while I was in the shower. I finished, wrapped my towel around myself, and went to my room to get dressed. Closed the door, opened the closet... screamed, dropped the towel, and drop kicked that brat into the hall. She was laughing so hard she didn't notice her head hit the bookshelf, but I heard, freaked out, went to check on her/beg her not to tell mom. She was still laughing like a loon, so I closed my door and got dressed.

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#20

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up How great of a grandmother they would have had. Love and miss you everyday mom.

SweatpantsJoe420 , Danie Franco / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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#21

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up That I stuck temporary tattoo eyebrows on her face. We will only have one child so I won't have several kids to do this to but at 6 months she still doesn't have much hair and her eyebrows are VERY light. So..... I stuck some temporary ones on her. I'm dying 😂😂😂😂😂.

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AtMostAFabulist
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Premium 6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Make sure you get pictures. You will need to bring them out when she brings her boyfriends around.

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#22

I have two young children, and my wife and I have always done a surprisingly good job of avoiding any swear words or even things like "stupid" or "dumb" in front of them. One of the things I'll say is "knucklehead" if someone's being a d**k in traffic or something, but even then, I say that it's not very nice, and that sometimes even adults set bad examples. 


Anyway. One day, the older siblings comes running inside and tells me "Dad, younger sibling said the N word!". 


After a long conversation and lots of convincing that it was okay to repeat what they said so we can all talk about, we finally figured it out. 


It was knucklehead. We just didn't know about the silent K yet. .

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Penny Hernandez
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter-in-law tends to swear a lot and when my first grandson wa a toddler he began to swear also. My husband and I told him that those words were 'bad words' and he shouldn't use them. A few days later something upset him and he came running down the hall, stood in the doorway to the living room and stamped his feet, and said 'bad words, bad words' over and over. We were highly amused.

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#23

My ex husband tried to k*ll our daughter. He drugged her with benadryl and set the house on fire with her in it. Then he called me to gloat. When his uncle came by and saved her from the fire, he decided to frame me for an arson that ended up a murder, because someone was inside the house and died. Our daughter survived the fire and healed quickly from smoke inhalation. She had to have her stomach pumped due to the overdose. He had nailed the windows of our house shut and blocked the doors from opening. Luckily, his uncle just broke a window to get her out. I've never told our daughter this, and I just tell her that her dad has a mental illness and that's why he's not around. I can't wait to tell her the whole truth when she's older. When he framed me, I had to talk to the OSBI and local police. He is an idiot with his frame job, because I had air tight alibis. I was in Air Force basic training and tech school. The government proved where I was and that I couldn't have committed the crimes.

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Amber White
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This should not belong in “Eager to tell my child” …this information won’t help anyone advance in life.

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#24

Not planning on having kids but my nieces and nephews are going to hear about how their parent(s) and I did all the same things they do- stay up past curfew, sneak out, drink underage, etc. Because we were once their age too.

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TotallyNOTAFox
TotallyNOTAFox
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My nephew will hear all the funny stories of how my sister got drunk and said stupid s**t that she couldn't remeber the next day. Also to not stick a knife into a running toaster to check if the bread is done... like the idiot my sister is

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#25

This isn’t a “funny” story, but I think it’s sweet about how I met their father. He was my first boyfriend, who was also my next door neighbor. We got engaged on the front porch of my parents’ house since we were always sitting on the porch together.

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Surenu
Surenu
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes the smallest worlds feel the largest. Cute!

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#26

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up Probably the time I accidentally set the kitchen on fire trying to impress a date with my cooking skills – it was chaotic, but definitely a memorable lesson in humility!

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#27

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up I can't wait to tell my kids about the time I accidentally joined a cult for free pizza. Yep, you heard that right. Picture this: me, fresh out of college, hungry and broke, stumbling into what I thought was a 'Pizza Appreciation Club.' Little did I know, it was a cover for some serious cult vibes. Long story short, I didn't stick around for the initiation ceremony once they started chanting about pineapple toppings being sacrilegious. But hey, at least I got a good story out of it, right? Moral of the story: always read the fine print on those 'free pizza' flyers.

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#28

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up The stuff you learn about in history is what your grandparents and great grandparents had to go through and it’s not that long ago.

ADIDAS247 , Mr Cup / Fabien Barral / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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Bartlet for World Domination
Bartlet for World Domination
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's the 20th century at most. My history classes started with the Phoenicians and in six years never quite made it to the Vietnam War.

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#29

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up A leopard growled at me and was gng to kill my dog .

But I had watched the mountain lion and hiker video a few days before - it said to never turn ure back - which is what I did when I heard rustling in the bushes behind me - I thot it was a neighbourhood dog but when birds flew out and it seemed like that whatever was lurking in the bushes had stepped a step down - I stared at the bushes and called out or whistled but nothing - just something was hiding and then all of a sudden a very loud roarrrrrr - it reverberated in my chest - I screamed and thankfully my dog came running towards me - leashed her and walked away slowly while never turning my back . I was shivering all the way home .

Cacao_boo , Joshua J. Cotten / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My!
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We are very fierce animals, and we have big, fat murder mittens just like our cousins. *hisses and bares her claws at Orange Mousie* See? Fierce.

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#30

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up That there’s food at home 😎.

Specialist-Top-406 , Highlight ID / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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#31

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up Where Gondor was when the westfold fell.

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#32

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up That my kids father has been in jails but now he's a good man. Teach them the lesson of consequences.

new2reddit4today , Humberto Portillo / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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#33

Our grandfather survived WWII with kindness.

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#34

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up How their grandpa had a complete meltdown the first time he ever tried to do the taxes on a computer.

CatacombsRave , Marissa Grootes / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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#35

I was legally dead for over a minute. Ethanol allergy. Don't drink, kids!

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WindySwede
WindySwede
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's like saying, don't eat nuts, you could di? 🤷‍♂️

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#36

I don’t have kids, but I make sure the next generation knows that their grandfather, the son of an immigrant, was Ike’s secretary during the war (eyes only clearance) where he met my mother (also eyes only clearance) drafting maps for Ike and Roosevelt. She had come from the Dust Bowl. Years later she was on one of the last commercial flights out of Saigon, not because she was afraid of the VC, but because the company was out of business.

And how I delivered pizzas from the Delta to the DMZ.

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#37

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up Your dad got the highest score on the college entrance exam in his school.

AnonimoUnamuno , Nguyen Dang Hoang Nhu / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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#38

The tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise...

In all seriousness though, probably the story of defending myself against a moose. Or some of the stories from when I worked security, both stateside and overseas.

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#39

If I have kids, I will absolutely tell them about the time I went out to the bar and it just so happened that my city's NHL team was there for their end of season party and were mingling with bar patrons. I was most definitely fanboying that night.

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Bartlet for World Domination
Bartlet for World Domination
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6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Almost totally unrelated: a New Zealand rugby team shows up in a gay club in my city (Amsterdam) once a year and even if only one of them or none are gay will proceed to have a great time dancing and being admired :)

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#40

Context, one of them is actually gay and the other is straight but born through C-section. Both my brothers used to fight about who was the bigger virgin and is more gay. It did not matter who was around, my parents, grandparents, my SO, or the nice cashier lady at my local Costco. It was just a yelling match with the winner being the one with better insults that day or who had the most laughs. My personal favorites are "I might be gay but at least I touched a p*ssy, you came out through C-section!" "At least, I'm not allergic to pussy unlike you!" "MOM BACK ME UP".

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#41

I'd love to tell her all about my 20s.

They're like David Bowie's 1970s. As in, I barely remember them, and I was up to all sorts of no good.

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#42

When I was in kindergarten, I stole some money from my mom's purse and hid it in my toy purse along with some playing cards. I did it so my mom wouldn't see the money. Then, I walked to a store 15 minutes from home and bought a chocolate I really wanted because my mom who is an almond mom wouldn't let me eat anything from outside.
My parents found out tho because one of my dad's friends saw me alone and snitched on me to my dad. He took a video of me apologizing, and still have it to this day. Cracks me up every time I see it.

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#43

Just all the good and wild times in my life. I became a tattoo artist fairly young and felt I got to live a life style not many get to see. I’ve got wild stories for days. My young adult life was truly memorable and I love the stories that have come from it.

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Zaach
Zaach
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My grand nieces and nephew still talk bout how I would tell them stories of my acid trips (obv. this was in the 70s)

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#44

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up I was a thief back in my childhood. I didn't need to be. I just loved the challenge. So I got creative in my thief days. I once used a plunger head to lift glass at a card collecting store and stole a Clyde Drexler signed rookie card and a George Brett signed rookie card.

I also once stole a football by deflating it with a pump that I found at the store. I stole the football, stole the pump, and once I got home I inflated the stolen football with the stolen pump and me and my friends had a good time.

I'm not proud of this, but when I'm old and senile, I can't wait to tell this story.

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Morgan Edwards
Morgan Edwards
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They are literally talking about learning from their mistakes. "I'm not proud of this." Was a statement in their post. No point in being mean for no reason. None of yall have any room to judge others when you don't know their paths completely.

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#45

How I got to be top 1 in calculus with the strictest professor of my time.

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#46

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up That when I was about 13 and brother 17 with my brother, we went to a sand pit, hijacked tractors and smashed all of them together.

Ak47mommy , Julia Koblitz / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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#47

I was living in a small rental house ten years ago. It had one bedroom, one living room,one bathroom, a small kitchen and the backdoor was leading to a narrow enclosure adjacent to which was the neighbour's house, their bedroom was right next to it. There was a lightbulb socket in that small backyard but I never used that place for anything so I never put a bulb there. At night that place always remained very dark.

One day my neighbour told me they could hear movements in my backyard like someone jumping down from wall on to the concrete ground. They said it happened on multiple occasions and they think it was probably a thief. So I bought a CFL bulb and went to put it there, the socket was very high and I had to stand on a tall wooden  stool to reach there. That night before I went to bed I switched it on(the switch to the bulb was inside my house) and checked the backyard which was now fully illuminated. The nexy morning I didn't go to the backyard and just switched off the light before going to work.

On the second night when I switched it on again before going to bed there was no light it remain dark, I tried multiple times but there was no light. I thought the bulb was defective but was scared of the dark and the thief so I didn't go to check that night and decided to check it in the morning. When I went there in the morning the bulb was not in the socket, first I thought the thief stole it but then I saw the bulb was on the ground completely undamaged, there was no way it could have survived a fall from that hight. I took the bulb inside and checked, the bulb was working fine. I put the bulb back in the socket and went to work.

It was the third night and when I switched on the bulb it was working. I went to bed. Around 3 am I went to the backdoor and slightly opened it to see if the bulb was still working, it was pitch dark. I closed the door quickly and went to sleep. Next morning found the bulb on the ground again undamaged. I avoided going to the backyard as much as possible from that day and didn't attempt to put any bulb there again. There was no incident of theft happened in that neighbourhood as far as I know.

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PattyK
PattyK
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But the light was bothering the neighbors so they removed the bulb?

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#48

How Ai took over the world.

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#49

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up How I firebombed the school. Or wait. Maybe not to my kids lol.

OldTuppen , Nguyen Khanh Ly / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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#50

“The Toilet Paper Rush”: 50 Stories Parents Just Can’t Wait To Tell Their Kids When They Grow Up How i chased a reindeer and spanked its a*s for a bet.

slimshady_27 , Jamie Street / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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#51

When I was a kid I used to fill up balloons with propane and light them on fire. Nearly blew me to shreds.

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#52

Their half sister was a whoopsie whose mom is a toxic a*****e. Which is why we never get to see her and they have a 14 year age gap.

First kids mom is so toxic she did time for violating court mandated custody orders. California still won't/wouldn't change primary custody. CA family court can kiss my whole a*s.

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Adrian
Adrian
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same, ex was always violating the custody orders. CA family court did nothing. I gave up in the end. She always had a fancy lawyer but claimed she had no money and needed child support.

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#53

How I never gave up on my dreams, no matter how big they seemed. It's all about hard work and determination.

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#54

I once had sex during commemoration. It was before I met their mother.

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day light
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

if one of my parents told me that I'd kill myself on the spot

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#55

One story I can't wait to share with my children when they're old enough is the tale of how their grandparents met. It's a story filled with serendipity, laughter, and maybe even a little bit of magic. I want to paint a vivid picture of the moment when their eyes first met across a crowded room, the butterflies fluttering in their stomachs, and the nervous laughter that ensued. It's a reminder that love can blossom in the most unexpected places and that sometimes, the best stories are the ones written by the heart.

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#56

The fact that I worked and completed my studies at the same time. I gave private lessons and wrote others' essays to pay for my rent and groceries and I did that while living alone and working out every single day. I also read a lot of books while doing that.

I am sure they won't be %100 persisent as I am (since they won't have any reason to be) but I am hoping to be a role model for them. I will be very careful to not talk about how hard the times were back in my day as they may feel incompetent. I want them to see my experiences encouraging and go "if dad did it, so can I".

However, I feel scared to have a child glued to an ipad watching tiktoks 7/24 and complaining life is unfair and he might have autisim.

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flower petals
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an autistic person, I have some thoughts about the ending, which I’ll keep to myself.. 😶

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