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30 Instances Friendships Ended Because Folks Realized Their Friends Weren’t Actually Their Friends
When something good happens in your life, you want to share it with your friends, you confide in them when you are having a rough period in your life and you are there for their joys and troubles. Friends are necessary for people to be happy, but somehow we manage to call people our friends who don’t really care about us or hang around just because they know they can use us.
Somehow it is hard to tell when you’re the only one putting effort into the relationship and are not receiving anything for what you give. Every friendship is different, so you need to evaluate whether the friendship brings you more happiness or hurt to determine whether it is worth keeping in touch with that person.
Redditors shared their own stories of what happened between them and their friends that led them to realize their relationship wasn’t as strong as they thought. Even though it probably wasn’t easy, in the end, they certainly benefited from the breakup.
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#1
When my father passed NONE of my friends showed up to the funeral. It was an hour and a half away so when they made up excuses not to come I said I understood (I didn't).
Surprisingly two of my neighbors that I barely know showed up. I'm friend with them now.
Emerald Ocean 2 years ago
Wow… those friends were the worst kind. They couldn’t even be there for you in one of the lowest points of your life. RIP your father
RELATED:
#2
She was one of my best friends, I guess. She was a self-centered drunk, but had some good qualities. We were talking on the phone one day, and she rambled on and on about her stupid, lazy co-workers. Then I told her I was afraid I was starting to relapse (life-threatening illness I thought I was over). She sighed and said "....AND? What's that to ME?" She was bored and wanted to talk about herself. When I got off the phone I emailed her a "Dear Karen" letter, saying don't ever contact me again. She didn't, and I didn't either. And I wasn't relapsing after all, thank God.
Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
I've lost more friends who have just, without a word, dropped out of my life because they couldn't handle the fact that I'm disabled. While it sucks not having close friends, it's better than wasting time on people who don't care about you.
#3
I decided to throw a Super Bowl party a few years ago. I went out a bought a new grill and mounted a tv in the kitchen for people who wanted to hang out and snack while watching the game. Had tons of food and beer ready. 30 minutes before kickoff I got a text that the whole group decided to go to someone else’s house and that I should bring all my food and beer over there. Needles to say, I didn’t go, and I haven’t thrown a party at my house since.
Sweetpotato314 2 years ago
Wow, that's so freaking rude! I hope OP dumped those friends and found some genuine ones.
#4
Was a cop wife for twenty years. When you divorce you not only lose your cop family, you evidently lose your best friend who is married to a cop. I learned a valuable lesson. Friendships built on a common thread last only as long as that thread remains. Heartbreaking.
mind yours 2 years ago
this sucks of the "friend" and also don't marry a cop until after you google the rate of domestic violence in marriages to cops
#5
Tried to invite them to an event I go to every year. Day of I go by myself and find out weeks later they went as a group without me.
#6
My wife and I had a small wedding. I didn’t invite a ton of people but I invited 15 or so friends. Besides my best man, only one showed up. What’s worse is that all these people said they were coming. I no longer put effort towards those friendships.
EDIT: I’ve struggled with social anxiety my whole life. These “friends” were all people I met at work. I work at a big company and this was the first time I actually had friends. I wouldn’t call any of them super close but I thought they were at least close enough to come to my wedding as they always talked about coming and would comment saying that I better invite them. I worked on several different teams then and most of them didn’t know each other. I don’t think it was intentional. I just think I misinterpreted what true friends are. I was more of a casual friend to them than they were to me. I did wonder if I did something wrong and it made me feel pretty awful for a while, but as someone who didn’t have experience with friendships I think I just invited people who didn’t really value me as much as I value them.
I hope that makes sense. I definitely looked back at my behavior, and like I said, I wondered for the longest time if I had did something wrong, if it was my fault.
#7
An easy answer for me.
One year I had a sleepover party with a bunch of childhood friends from the neighborhood as a teen. It was really fun and I invited 15 or so kids, had to convince my parents and spent a ton of money to make it perfect for everyone. We went swimming in the pool, played dodgeball, kickball, had tons of food, had a nerf gun war, played pool, played video games, and watched movies. It was a blast and everyone was clearly enjoying themselves.
Then they tried to watch a horror movie that my parents would [end] me if I saw it, and I objected for a while before reluctantly putting it on. I hated horror movies, too, but I wanted them to have fun. It was like 1 in the morning.
They got bored during the movie and asked if we could all go to the clubhouse (I lived in a gated community with a public clubhouse at the time) to meet up some girls in the middle of the night. I said that my parents would never let it happen and that I didn't want to get caught, so I told them we couldn't go. After that, about 5 of them left at like 2-3 am to go without me. They said they'd be "right back" and that "one of them needed their medicine so they went to get it." Within the hour, everyone was gone except me.
I was crushed, and too embarrassed to tell my parents, so I finally put on the movie *I* wanted to watch before going to sleep. In the morning my parents were furious because over a dozen kids that they had promised their parents would be at their house had disappeared without a traced. Sad and tired me had to call all of them to figure out where they were and let all of their parents know that they didn't spend the night. Even though my parents made me do it, a lot of them got mad at me for that. The worst part by far was figuring out that they had all went to a different kid's house to spend the night after leaving mine.
#8
I opened up to him about my mental health issues, and after a day or two he messaged me saying he couldn't have that kind of negativity in his life. This was literally the first and only time I told anyone about it.
Raven DeathShade 2 years ago
I told a dude (over text) that I had severe mental health issues that can really affect my friendships. He thanked me for letting him know and told me that it's okay. That's how a good person reacts. Not all this nonsense.
#9
He was physically and psychologically abusing to me for years. It took a long time for me to see that even though he was “joking” it was just flat out abuse.
#10
Best friend of nearly 10 years expected me to travel halfway across the world and take a month off from work to stay with her (and her boyfriend) so that we could go to Oktoberfest and maybe do other things. However, when the time came, she refused to make any concrete plans, but still insisted that I apply for a visa and book my tickets anyway. Note that at this stage she hadn’t even confirmed the dates and had not spoken to her boyfriend about the possibility of my staying there for a month. She never initiated the conversation and very rarely answered my texts/calls. At some point I called her out on it, demanded that she show some interest on her part considering how I would be making a significant financial investment if I had decided to go through with the plan. She told me she was busy and that she would call me back. She never did.
One day I simply had enough, blocked her on all social media and haven’t talked to her since. All relationships require effort. If people care, they will show you they care.
Wendy Wiseman 2 years ago (edited)
Sounds like me traveling across the Atlantic to spend my birthday with my so-called BFF, and she ditched me to baby sit her kid & the kids friend and her bosses dogs to hang out with her new boyfriend and also wouldn't return my calls or texts on when she was returning but could check into FB in some bar or other.
#11
When I was hanging out with my real friends and felt at ease and calm with them.
Made me realize that my other friends gave me anxiety.
#12
My husband and I went on vacation with her and her husband. My husband and I did some gambling and won a decent amount of money. They did not gamble at all. When we got back I found out they had told everyone how much of a b***h I was because I had not offered to pay for their half of the vacation with my gambling winnings. When I confronted her she did not deny it. I didn’t want to be friends with someone that thought money played into our friendship or that talked like that behind my back.
KB 2 years ago
A cousin of mine is quite lucky with his online bets and that. When he gets very lucky, he always gives my mum a few pound from his winnings. Kind of like a "share the wealth" or a "good lucks penny." He would give a few very close family members a little share, nothing major though. I know a few people who do that, only a few though! But thats about it lol nothing extravagant lol i personally would never expect a penny from someone else's winnings. Thats theirs and happy days for them i say 😁
#13
Not me, but the kid who vandalized my house and car.
After someone threw eggs and rocks at my house, and finished with a rock through my windshield, I left the car parked next to the street with a big poster on it with "Reward for information" on it.
Within hours the kid's friends turned him in for $10 each.
#14
They don't contact me at all unless I go out of my way to contact them first. They find any reason to not hang out. They claim we're good friends but it just feels like they just want to be able to say that I'm a friend without doing anything to *be* a friend
Strawberry Pizza 2 years ago
this isn't about the text post but what exactly does that photo have to do with this lol
#15
When I realized that everything I did for them, they totally took for granted and advantage of most of the time. Like going out to eat I would usually pay because I used to make more then her but when she got a better job she still expected me to pay all the time. Nope
Alexia 2 years ago
I had such a "friend". I offered her all the emotional support when her fiance dumped her. She literally used to cry in my arms. I patiently listened to all her complaints and venting about her ex. I joined her in vacations so that she wouldn't feel alone and miserable. 2 years after, she finds someone else and gets married. I happened to go through a difficult period then (I was hospitalized), but she didn't care to give me a call. I really needed to talk to someone but she was not interested and even snapped at me a few times. One night we both went out to a restaurant. The waiter casually asked her about me: "Is she your best friend?" to which she calmly replied "No, she's not my friend." I was dumbfounded. She later explained to me that I shouldn't be upset about what she said to the waiter, because she never had any real friends. To this day, she is still wondering "I don't have any friends, nobody wants to be my friend, I wonder why". :))))
#16
She sided with her boyfriend when I told her he had made jokes about sexual assault which made me uncomfortable, eventually accused me of lying even though she was there when he made them
#17
I used to go out for dinner with some college friends.
Unlike me, they'd order multiple "call" drinks and *the most expensive* things on the menu.
Then, when the huge bill arrived, they'd say, "Let's just keep it simple and divide it equally." The guys knew I was paying double or triple what I should have, but that didn't seem to bother them.
James G. Currie 2 years ago
Instant reply..."how about we keep it fair, and each pay for their own?" Or, when they inform the server of this, let him or her know that I will be paying for *my* meal and drinks only.
#18
when i decided not to be the friend who always organised things and started conversations. i get no contact on the weekends and during the week, i noticed that if i kept quiet in a conversation, they wouldn't even notice i was there
#19
With friends on a trip to Japan, drinking one night in Roppongi district. I'm trying to taper off, Karen (no, really, it was her name) keeps putting drinks in front of me, paying the bartender for weird shots for me, but not for anyone else in the group. She's saying really catty s**t, but laughing like it's all good fun, we're pals. She starts saying some pointed stuff that makes me think she's been holding on to some really ugly resentment for awhile. After I'm good and sloshed, she pushes me over to my partner and tells him to grab a taxi and take me back. On the way back to the hotel I look at my partner and say, "I didn't realize until now that Karen hates me." He replied, "She sure seems to." Neither the trip nor the friendship was the same after that night, and I had the worse hangover of my entire life, passed out on the floor of a Tokyo hotel bathroom.
#20
We lived together during our early university years. I was not in a good place when we became friends. A couple years later, I picked myself up, got into really good shape, was accepted into the degree program I wanted and found an extremely awesome job. She said she couldn’t continue being friends with me because I didn’t need her. If you don’t grow together, you grow apart. Years later we were still Facebook “friends”. She deleted me when I got engaged. I noticed and asked her why, she said she didn’t care anymore about anything in my life.
It took me a long time to get over that last part. No one needs that in their life.
#21
He ghosted me because he got a girlfriend. I knew it was going to happen, even said so when it happened, but he assured me he wouldn't disappear.
It's two months and counting since he last texted me.
Ansi 2 years ago
This is such a typical thing and I hate it! Why? Well, when I found my boyfriend I worked hard on keeping my 18 month friendship going. We did almost everything in three and made sure that she wouldn't feel excluded and/or forgotten. Two weeks in she got a boyfriend of her own and then I didn't hear from her again unless we bumped into her randomly. (Still have my boyfriend/husband though)
#23
He got busy with his own life and I got busy with mine, and as much as I tried to keep in touch, he never did the same. I hear from him once in a blue moon, but whenever I try to make plans, he dodges me. I just finally came to the realization that a friendship isn't worth my time if I'm putting in all the effort and getting absolutely nothing back. It's sad, this is a guy I spent most of my young and teenage years with, practically lived at his house. We spent every waking minute together and had so many awesome times. I guess life just had different paths for us both. I don't begrudge him for anything, I don't think he has intentionally cut me out, I think he's just caught up in his own journey. Maybe one day life will bring us back to the same place and we will spend time together again, but maybe not.
#24
Our group of around 6 was all out playing basketball except I only found out when I went outside to do errands cuz of how bored I was at home. Not only that but I also heard they came near my place to use our internet to message our other friend to come play with them. That really f****d with me and I never felt the same around them.
#25
We were friends for almost 10 years. Every once in a while, we'd have small arguments, but always come around and told each other everything.
Over a year ago, we went to a party. I didn't drink, but he did. He got extremely moody, wouldn't talk to me and kept disappearing to a room to be alone. Kept brushing me off every time I asked if he was okay. He left the party early without telling me, and I sent him a pissed off text because we had agreed earlier to cab home together.
The next day I call and text. No answer. A week passes. More texts, still no answer. I go to his house. His roommate says he won't speak to me. He deletes and blocks me on all social media. I call and text him more, saying I'm sorry for whatever it is I must have done, still no answer. I message his friends, asking what I could have done and they have no idea, all he's saying is he doesn't want to see me.
At one point I fell into a depression. Am I such an uncaring person that I couldn't even know that I did something wrong? Or was our friendship even that great if he was willing to drop me so suddenly without explanation or goodbye? It's a weird, scary thought when someone who knows more about you than anyone refuses to even speak to you ever again.
It's been over a year and still no word. I went to a party the other day that I heard he'd be at. The host told me that as soon as he heard I was coming, he decided not to come. It's probably one of the biggest heartbreaks of my life.
#26
When I was the constant butt of their jokes, and they were thinly veiled insults that they gaslighted me into thinking I made up or that they were actual jokes made out of love.
Courtney Christelle 2 years ago
You're the one who decides if the way people speak to you is acceptable, not them.
#27
I was in a friends group of 11. Really close, hung out alot. Oddly enough, everyone coupled up. I was the only non-couple from the group (my gf wasn't from the pack). Eventually I found out that they met up very often without inviting me and I was just phased out. We had a WhatsApp group but it was quite underutilised.
In the end, I just left the group.
#28
It slowly fell apart. She moved to live with her partner and we slowly stopped talking as often until rarely talking at all.
I knew I was done when she asked me to help find someone to film her wedding-that I was not invited to.
But she's happy with how her life is and who am I to judge for that?
HarriMissesScotland 2 years ago
She hurt you. Even though I don't know you, there is pain in your last sentence. I'm sorry.
#29
They never paid me back the concert tickets I bought for them
#30
He decided to join a skinhead group in high school.
What do you think ?
Iriané Marie Laurentwolff 2 years ago
There's something that I've learnt about people. They, the very most of them, demands you to cope with their shitty, cheap, manipulative, and selfish and offensive actitude. If not. Your punishment is to be alone and with no one to talk or hang. Descent people are segregated just for not allowing someone to harm their dignity and self respect.
Doctor Strange 2 years ago
Last September, I ended up in the ICU for about a week. A viral infection caused some of my internal organs to stop working, including my pancreas. That, in turn, caused my blood sugar to spike off the scale (literally off the scale, the in hospital meter readers couldn't even give a number), and that lead to severe dehydration. According to the staff, if I had been even one more hour I definitely would have died, and as it was they weren't sure I was going to make it as I was in the worst shape of anyone brought in that day. So while I was quite literally laying on my potential deathbed, not a single one of my friends visited. I spent my time in the ICU alone.
Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
I'm so sorry that you were left to handle a frightening, life-threatening situation alone. No one should have to be alone during what you suffered.
Load More Replies...
deanna woods 2 years ago
My instance occurred in high school. My aunt worked at the school board and they planned to throw me a graduation party. They told me to give them the names of eight people that I wanted to invite and I did. Only two of them showed up to the party. I learned at that point that not everyone that you think is your friend is your friend.
Iriané Marie Laurentwolff 2 years ago
There's something that I've learnt about people. They, the very most of them, demands you to cope with their shitty, cheap, manipulative, and selfish and offensive actitude. If not. Your punishment is to be alone and with no one to talk or hang. Descent people are segregated just for not allowing someone to harm their dignity and self respect.
Doctor Strange 2 years ago
Last September, I ended up in the ICU for about a week. A viral infection caused some of my internal organs to stop working, including my pancreas. That, in turn, caused my blood sugar to spike off the scale (literally off the scale, the in hospital meter readers couldn't even give a number), and that lead to severe dehydration. According to the staff, if I had been even one more hour I definitely would have died, and as it was they weren't sure I was going to make it as I was in the worst shape of anyone brought in that day. So while I was quite literally laying on my potential deathbed, not a single one of my friends visited. I spent my time in the ICU alone.
Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
I'm so sorry that you were left to handle a frightening, life-threatening situation alone. No one should have to be alone during what you suffered.
Load More Replies... deanna woods 2 years ago
My instance occurred in high school. My aunt worked at the school board and they planned to throw me a graduation party. They told me to give them the names of eight people that I wanted to invite and I did. Only two of them showed up to the party. I learned at that point that not everyone that you think is your friend is your friend.
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