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We could all stand to be a bit kinder to others in our daily lives. Just because you don’t see someone suffering in an obvious way doesn’t mean that they aren’t in pain. And though it’s natural to make quick judgments about others, we should also strive to get to know people’s stories, who they are, and what problems they might be dealing with. Life, and people in general, can be far more complicated than they first appear.

For instance, you might hear someone call a person ‘lazy’ or ‘distracted’ because they have difficulty accomplishing even ‘easy’ tasks. However, if you dig a bit deeper, you might realize that this particular person may have a medical condition that’s not obvious to everyone around them. A condition that makes it incredibly difficult to do even ‘simple’ things.

Internet users opened up about their non-obvious medical conditions that their friends, family, and coworkers often stigmatize, in a very open and honest r/AskReddit thread. Read on to see just how difficult their day-to-day life can be, whether we’re talking about ADHD, arthritis, or a number of diseases. If you have a medical condition that you feel is widely misunderstood or misinterpreted, Pandas, feel free to shed some light on it in the comments, so everyone can come away from this having learned something more.

#1

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them I've had people become very offended when I get very upset at seemingly normal things, like rapid movements in my direction or being yelled at. I'm not being an emotional cry baby, I literally have PTSD you f**k

SeveralFools , Brian Lundquist Report

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KombatBunni
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ohh I feel your pain. I have it as well and I can’t stand loud noises or crowds because of it, and you never know when something will trigger it.

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#2

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them I have Crohn's disease. The fatigue and the joint pain can be debilitating. I have been accused by family members of being lazy because somedays I can't get motivated and do even the smallest of chores. Most people don't realize that with Crohns and Colitis the symptoms aren't just intestinal. The inflammation can effect your entire body. It breaks my heart because I really just want to be normal and capable.

candmjjjc , drian Swancar Report

#3

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them I have ADHD

I tell people; Imagine brains are like browsers. A normal person can have several tabs open at once, switching between them as needed.

An ADHD brain has just 2 tabs. Whatever you're doing right at this moment, and a tab just for daydreams that you can't close that plays audio in the background.

Give a normal person a task: "Do your laundry at some point today" and they'll pop it in a new tab and get to it when they're closing tabs later.

Give an ADHD brain the same task, and their one functional tab becomes "remember to do laundry" until a new task pops up, at which point it gets overwritten.

It really sucks as a kid because it's functionally identical to forgetting, and if you've ever had parents, you know "I forgot" is not an acceptable answer.

lurklurklurkPOST , Robina Weermeijer Report

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TheAquarius1978
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh believe me lol i know the felling, i don't have ADHD, i have Asperger syndrome, and worst i'm from the 80s ( when Asperger didn't existed ) which meant i was just had bad behavior, was lazy, and rude lol, and my Mother was a firm appologist in beating my a*s everytime i " missbehaved " ...

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What seems incredibly simple for one individual might be extremely hard for another. There’s a bit of an understanding and empathy gap here. People can find it hard to put themselves in someone else’s shoes concerning tasks and activities that come naturally to them. However, we can start to understand what patients might be feeling by considering what we, ourselves, find difficult, and applying it to other areas in life.

Something else to take into account is the amount of chronic pain and discomfort some folks might be dealing with every single day. We have to think back to the times that we’ve had to function while in pain if we don’t ‘get’ how others might have trouble doing seemingly ‘easy’ tasks. Have you ever had to work or go to school with a toothache, broken arm, or severely upset stomach? Now imagine having to get things done with that (only possibly even worse).

Then there are the psychological factors to consider. People with ADD, ADHD, Asperger’s, autism, extreme sensory sensitivity, and other disorders provided the internet with a window into their lives in the r/AskReddit thread. The best way forward is to be as kind as you can to everyone you meet, no matter if they’re fit as a fiddle or have to deal with lots of obvious and not-so-obvious medical problems.

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According to psychotherapist Silva Neves, people have two different, constantly-competing instincts within themselves. One for kindness. The other—for survival. Our brains are hardwired to reward us when we’re acting in a social and altruistic way, he told Bored Panda a while back. A the same time, we’re also prone to selfishness because it’s directly linked to our desire to survive.

#4

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them Migraines. To the point of pitch black room, no noise, no aromas or odors, ice cold and ice packs on my head. Can’t see because of all the flashing lights and dark spots in my vision. I hate going somewhere and someone is wearing some cloying sweet perfume because I will get nauseous and flashes start and I could be down for days. Longest migraine was 7 days; had to have i.v. therapy and shots in the butt for the pain.

wildonthefrontier , Matteo Vistocco Report

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Susie Elle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've had periods of migraines when I was younger, ocular ones. Couldn't see anything except for weird lightningbolt flashes, immense headaches and vomiting until I felt better. I can't imagine how hard it must be to experience them on such a regular basis and for such a long period of time. I have a stupid question: doesn't there exist any medication for migraines?

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#5

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them Celiac disease. People joke about gluten free being a fad diet for basic bi**hes, and then get really irritated with me when I request that when dining out together we go somewhere safe for me to eat. I’m so sorry but PLEASE don’t veto this restaurant just because it doesn’t quite hit your craving. It is literally the only safe place where I can eat something on the menu.

MollFlanders , Julia Tsukurova Report

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Laura Ketteridge
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When eating out, I will always say to the waiter that I'm gluten-free, and even a tiny bit of gluten will cause problems. From time to time, a chef will come out just to check whether is is a diet-of-choice, or medical need. They have all been brilliant.

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#6

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them Arthritis in my hands knees and spine and Bipolar 1. Other stuff too. People (my wife's dad most recently), think it's seriously okay to make fun of the noises I make when I have to stand up. I refuse to take opiates. Standing hurts. A lot. He will literally talk s**t to my wife when I'm out of the room about how I'm just a Pu***. That it's just laziness.

I'm also a large guy. 5'11 280lbs fairly muscular (pretty solid dad bod) they get mad or tease me because I won't do things like carry shingles up onto my roof, and that I paid a neighbor to do it. Arthritis is degenerative and painful. Just because I look this way doesn't mean I can lift and carry.

The bipolar? I have psychotic features. Hallucinations (audio/visual). The minute people hear the word "psychotic" attached to anything they run away screaming. I've lost close friends, relationships, jobs (I have a hard time finding and keeping one. Another thing that gains ridicule), and have family that won't let their kids around me because of a diagnostic term.

I've never hurt anyone. My visual hallucinations are usually dogs and rats that I pet idly if I'm not focusing and distressed. My audio hallucinations are literally audible music, or mostly kind voices encouraging me to do better. I'm not suddenly going to be a serial killer. This has been a thing since I was a child. The ONLY person I've hurt outside of a fair fight (I was a bar hopper for a little while in my youth) is MYSELF.

PossessionNo6878 , Towfiqu barbhuiya Report

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Madeleine
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“The minute people hear the word ‘psychotic’ attached to anything they run away screaming.” It sounds like it’s time to experiment with not attaching that word. Unless someone becomes very close to you and is trustworthy, they don’t need to know details about your condition.

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People tend to worry that by helping someone out, by being kind to them, it can somehow backfire on them. However, there are benefits to kindness, too. Altruism can make us feel good physically, it gives us a sense of purpose, and it can raise our own self-esteem.

“It [kindness] is also good for others, obviously. So kindness is actually something that we, humans, are naturally driven to be. “The sense of kindness is in competition with our survival mode, so, as human beings, we tend to live in contradiction, between kindness (opening our arms) and protection (closing our arms).”

Meanwhile, the Action for Happiness team previously explained to Bored Panda that altruism is closely linked to our own happiness. When we’re kind to others, when we act in a selfless way, the reward center in our brains gets activated.

“Small daily actions one at a time can help us to make altruism a lifetime habit. You could start out small by deciding you are going to smile at everyone you meet or pay three people a compliment today,” the AfH team shared how someone can start becoming kinder to others in their daily lives. You might decide that you want to volunteer for a good cause, help an elderly neighbor, or give money to charity.

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#7

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them I literally have a memory problem, and when I say that everyone acts like I'm joking. Until we are mid sentence and I have no idea what we are talking about. Sometimes people get mad. I can't control it. It's annoying to me too, not just you!

Boring_Blueberry_420 , arritos Mexican Soda Report

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Amanda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel this. I have fibromyalgia, and the fibro fog is real. I forget names I’ve known for awhile, specifically kids I teach, and they get a little upset when I ask them to repeat it. I’ve explained though that it will happen, and it’s something I can’t control unfortunately.

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#8

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them I have autism and a few diagnosed mental illnesses that I go therapy for. I have a very hard time blocking noise out due to my autism and I hated as a kid when I would complain about another student bothering me in class and the teacher would respond with, “just ignore them” I LITERALLY CAN'T???? Now as a high schooler, I can just put my headphones on and my teachers don’t mind, since I get my work done in a timely manner (most of the time lol).

This is the only thing I can think of right now, but I might add to it.

ihaveteafortea , Alexander Grey Report

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max and the expresso
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I also have sensory issues and earphones in the classroom/work environment are a life saver

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#9

my depression often cripples me from being able to enjoy or simple tasks. but im just lazy. thats what people say and im starting to kinda believe it. sometimes i cant even will myself to get up

burntbtoast Report

“All of these actions help others and boost your own happiness and if we are happier, research shows we are even more likely to help others,” Action for Happiness said. According to them, if you’re not used to being altruistic and kind, it’s fine to fake it until you make it.

“Maybe at first, you start out doing things to help others only to get attention and praise, but you will find that doing things for others helps you feel good and when you see people’s responses. Once you see the difference you can make in the world and to your own happiness and altruism can grow naturally.” 

#10

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them I have POTS. If I stand up my pulse spikes to 140 bpm and stays that way till I lay down. This often leads to migraines and fainting just from being up for too long. I spend almost all my time in bed, so I can't do most things. Luckily my wife is understanding and we find ways to make it work, but other family members like my parents don't accept my problems and would constantly try to push me to the point of falling down.

odysseyshot , Mufid Majnun Report

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MantisGirl15
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same here! People, especially my parents, often don't trust when I say I'm tired or unable to do something because POTS affects me differently every day and I could seem fine one day and feel horrible the next day.

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#11

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them I have diagnosed agoraphobia. Most people think that means I don't want to go outside. That couldn't be further from the truth. I can't stand huge spaces with crowds. I was diagnosed before mass shootings were a thing. It's way worse now. Now I cancel plans a lot and it's because of my mental health but people think it's just because I "don't feel like it".

dissapointingsex , Jake Weirick Report

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Lorraine Woollands
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have agoraphobia, physical disabilities and depression and a lady from Social Care was her to see if I qualified for having Carers. She ask me to list the things that are wrong with me and when I said that I have agoraphobia,she turned round and said "Oh it's not that you can't go out, it's that you don't want to". When I told me Social Worker, she was not happy because she had seen how it upsets me when I think I may have to go out. Because of my physical disabilities I can't get out anyway but she shouldn't have said it

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#12

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them I'm autistic, of the "would be Asperger if that was still it's own diagnosis in my country, but it's not" variety.

I only have a few sensory issues, but I get flack for them all the time.

I'm mostly vegetarian because I can't tolerate meat unless it meets certain criteria. Ground beef is usually fine, as is heavily processed meat that doesn't resemble meat much (like chicken nuggets or most lunch meat). But like, a chicken breast or pork chop? Absolutely not. I've been harassed about this for over three decades now. "Just eat it, it wont hurt you" and "you're just being weird" and "don't be difficult, everyone eats this."

Also, sensory overload. I usually have a high tolerance and it's hard to push me into a meltdown (it's more like a shutdown for me), but when I get there, I legitimatelt cannot function unless I can remove myself to a quiet dark room to "reset." I've never needed to do this in school or work (I'm an RN) but in my personal life I've been called "dramatic" or "difficult" for sometimes needing 5-10 minutes alone to get my sensory needle out of the red.

Mind, I grew up in the dark ages of the 80s and 90s and because I'm female and of "above average" intelligence, was repeatedly told as a child and teenager I could not be autistic. I was diagnosed in my 30s. But, the "you can get over this if you just tried" thing has not stopped since getting my official diagnosis. If anything, it's gotten worse because "yeah but you're not on the 'bad' end of the spectrum so what's the problem?"

blackesthearted , Elia Pellegrini Report

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Jaguarundi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I truly feel you. Anyone who is "high functioning" is obviously faking to most people. I had to learn to hide and camouflage being on the high end of the spectrum. I still haven't mastered facial expressions (I may never do so at my age) so I always look angry or disinterested. It's hard, very hard for me too. Take care of yourself first, other people may not.

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#13

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them Hold down a job. I've got a triple threat of medical conditions, epilepsy, diabetes and aspergers. My parents see me only at my physical appearance, my dad has even stated that it's because I'm part of a generation that wants instant gratification and all the millennial stereotypes. My mom thinks I'm just playing a Sad sob story as an excuse not to work hard. But the thing is, I try my damned best to do what I do. I mean I can't earn over a certain amount or my social security stops, so i take the roll of house husband and do all the chores. Cook, clean, grocery shop, ect. But my parents think it's me being lazy. And I'll be the first to admit I've never been good at holding a job. Between the depression from being torn away from my hometown and friends without even being allowed to get phone numbers to say good bye, and the epilepsy that made it near impossible for me to get my driver's license, I decided being a homemaker would be my best course of action. But of course, nothing will ever be good enough for them. They hold every mistake I make over my head. And it sucks. I can't even afford a service animal to help me with my epilepsy/seizures

WinterWizard9497 , Tony Tran Report

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#14

I have quite severe endometriosis which is causing a lot of flow on inflammation issues and a whole lot of pain.

It's hard to get people to understand what it even is beyond 'period pain' let alone how it affects me. This is affecting more than just my uterus, and it is every single day. My fam is good, work is not.

HowlingKitten07 Report

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Helen Waight
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Endometriosis is something I cannot get my boss to understand. No, it’s not ‘just cramps’, it’s ‘vomiting in pain and trying to knock yourself out on the nearest wall’. Some doctors are really unbelievable too - ‘oh that’ll go away once you have kids’

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#15

I had acute leukemia as an adult and had 2.5 years of intensive chemotherapy. I have now been done with chemo 5 years, but I still struggle so much with fatigue. I can only handle like one errand a day or a couple of household chores. I look pretty healthy now and a lot of people just don’t get how much damage the chemo did to my body.

justmanny_beingmanny Report

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Natasha Tomes
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex had cancer at 18. He took almost a decade to get to where he could work a full time job.

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#16

Household chores that involve my arms over my head or a lot of force.

I have a connective tissue disorder that makes me hypermobile. It *literally* means it's harder for me to do something like fold laundry. But it's invisible and I can handle it most of the time (Thanks to a ton of physical therapy!) so people just pretend I'm being lazy.

ForsakenPercentage53 Report

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Alexandra Davis
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

EDS! I have this too, both the hypermobility form mentioned here (I can dislocate/ partially dislocate stupidly easily, like taking off a jumper will pop my shoulder out!) and vascular form which is much more dangerous. Mine isn't as invisible because this and other physical conditions have left me needing to use a wheelchair full time. But when I could walk, but in daily chronic pain lots of people (thankfully not friends or family) would think me lazy/ low pain threshold when actually it's very very high!)

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#17

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them Waking up in the morning. I have a complex medical history that includes Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder and I've tried every recommended treatment but it's going against my natural state and I don't want to have to take more meds on top of the ones I have already.

I can work remotely at night and I get decent quality sleep during the day (when it's quiet, that's another story) but my family are convinced this is a sign of depression or laziness. If I force myself to be awake during the day I am clumsy, I drop things all the time and I struggle to form sentences. At night I can multitask, complete 3 hours work in 1 hour and my memory is sharp. There is no reason for me to try and fit daylight hours except to fit into what they think is normal.

Craicpot7 , Kinga Cichewicz Report

#18

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them Combo disorder depression and anxiety mixed around with brain trauma. I forget things constantly and have a hard time doing what others see as simple daily tasks. Anxiety is rough, but it's the absolute worst when it comes to operating a vehicle. Due to my inability to drive safely without the risk of harming others, I choose to not drive. Because I could kill someone. Obviously. The people around me don't understand it at all and I get told I need to grow up or simply not care if I kill a person because driving is just soooo important.

I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I hurt someone. I cannot put a luxury above the lives of others.

angroro Report

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Lorraine Woollands
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have depression and anxiety and agoraphobia and physical disabilities and the number of times I have been made to feel lazy , sometimes by my parents, sometimes by Carers . My parents it was " she's doing it for attention" or " Snap out of it", " Get over it". Another was " Oh what's she crying for now", I had no idea what I was crying for sometimes it happens. My partner wasn't much help either, he used to said that he understood,but he didn't (he died in January) I am now on my own it has made it so much worst because I have to much time to sit and think about things and worry over them . Money yes, we all worry over money at the moment, it can still things like what I am I having for dinner. I know it's silly but that's how my brain is wired and I can't help it

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#19

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them it’s not as serious but I’ve had chronic bladder and kidney infections since I was 15 which basically meant constant rounds of antibiotics but also I got up in class 3-4 times an hour to go pee. My teachers were MAD and accused me of just using my phone or wanting to ditch class, when in reality I was just in a lot of pain.

t1nydancers , Towfiqu barbhuiya Report

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Gabriele Alfredo Pini
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This I don't understand. I know which kids I let them go to the bathroom and then scold (or put a note for the parents on their diary) because they need to learn to wake up a little earlier, and which kids have legitimate problems and need to go to the toilet often. I have a kid with a probable urethra chronic infection and one with little control on their intestine. I will never scold them!

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#20

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them Just go to the ME/CFS sub. I was diagnosed at 23 and am thankfully recovered, but it's the worst illness, and people don't believe you're sick.

Long Covid has finally given people some understanding.

It's not 'tiredness.' It's your limbs feeling like lead - just crossing a room feels like you're walking through molasses. Vertigo that makes you feel like you're going to pass out when you stand up. Sore, achy, painful muscles and joints - neck, shoulders, back, legs. No appetite. Brain fog. Headache. And all of this combined with the worst, most deadening exhaustion you can imagine.

It's essentially the worst flu imaginable, every day. I was basically bedbound.

Besides the flat-out contempt I received from some doctors, there was my family's insistence that it was a 'nervous breakdown,' or that 'if I had no choice but to recover then I would,' or that it was a 'lack of motivation.'

I was told that I needed to go to X event, and I could 'rest' or 'you can sit down when you get there.' Not realizing that even just getting there and having to socialize - even just sitting up - would cause me days of severe pain and exhaustion.

And not understanding that I couldn't be courteous - I couldn't bring this in from the kitchen, help make food or set the table, etc.

When I was fired from my job I was told it was 'great I had time to travel or pursue a hobby' - no, I was too sick to get out of bed.

It's an awful, life-limiting illness and disgusting that its very existence is still disbelieved. In studies, sufferers have been shown to have less quality of life than late-stage AIDS and cancer patients, but it gets less funding than hayfever.

Mysterious_Sugar7220 , Sofia Alejandra Report

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Pirates of Zen Pants
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've had ME/CFS for over twenty years. I rapidly went from running a marathon at 30 to barely being able to walk the dog. I'm part of a crowdsourced online research community where 13,000 of us share information about what does and doesn't work for us. The website is https://www.stuffthatworks.health/myalgic-encephalomyelitis. I strongly recommend it. The FDA has not approved any treatments for ME/CFS whatsoever, so it's only through networking with other patients that I've learned how to manage this disease.

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#21

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them I have psoriatic arthritis and fibromyalgia. Just recently diagnosed but have been dealing with the pain and fatigue for years. I get a ton of judgement because my husband is “mr. mom” and takes on a ton of the parenting duties for our toddler, especially when we are out of the home. He doesn’t care - a) he’s an equal parent by choice, and b) it’s an agreement we’ve made, that with all of the energy it takes me to even get us out of the house and socialize…he primarily manages the parenting once we get there…but people see a dad being primary parent and the judgements are plain as day on their faces. My own mom used to make sideways comments implying that I was lazy, poor Bob (not his name hahah), but now I finally have a diagnosis and that’s stopped.

RecentRegister239 , Klara Kulikova Report

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Susie Elle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At least the comments have stopped after diagnosis. Aside from that, my sympathy, OP. It must be really hard.

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#22

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them Well people don't necessarily get mad at me for it (well they probably do but don't show it) but having a stutter when I speak can sometimes make saying even the simplest of words/sentences can be very difficult at times for me, and it's even worse when I'm speaking to people who I don't really know too well

SammyCCFC , Jessica Da Rosa Report

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Helen Waight
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And people decide to finish your sentences for you because ‘you’re taking too long’

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#23

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them Asthma; the amount of times I get told something along the lines of "well my friend's cousin has asthma and they don't have that trigger so you should be fine".
I have really well controlled asthma but I avoid my triggers which is one of the reasons I have it well controlled and asthma is not a one fit all ailment.

Amaranth-13 , Sincerely Media Report

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RuthieT
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My 5 year old was diagnosed with it last year. Gets sick with so many viruses from Kindy and now school. And allergies seem to be his trigger, so I feel your pain

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#24

Social anxiety. My mom complains that I never call, but I am actually scared of talking to people (yup, including family) and accidentally saying something stupid, or rude, or embarrassing, and therefore irreversibly ruining my reputation forever and becoming hated, despised or just a laughingstock for the rest of my life.

Worst thing is that, ironically, I actually enjoy talking to people

Shynosaur Report

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Lorraine Woollands
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have had this all my life , my parents have very understood. Told me I was by antisocial.(sorry if I am posting too much on here, but it help to get it out. Sorry)

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#25

My wife completely broke her shoulder many years ago, detached tendon and everything. The surgery team said she was incredibly lucky to get mostly full range of motion back and she can now lift about 5 pounds or a little more if she's using "dinosaur arms." The other one ended up going kaput soon thereafter because it's a degenerative disorder and, to some extent, it's a compensatory injury.

Otherwise, she looks incredibly healthy. As a result, we keep encountering people who think she should be lifting things. At work, she was approved for a standing desk and they asked her to assemble it herself. It's ridiculous. When we go traveling or shopping, a lot of people end up giving her looks because I'm feminine and smaller than her and I end up carrying everything because she can't. I am happy to do it, but I know it bothers her.

I just wish people were more cognizant of hidden disabilities.

Carl__Gordon_Jenkins Report

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Madeleine
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“At work, she was approved for a standing desk and they asked her to assemble it herself.” This is absurd and maddening! Such ignorant and cruel people.

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#26

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them Dyspraxia! Most people think I'm taking the p**s when some basic motor tasks are difficult for me. Or they assume I'm stupid. Not the case, no matter how hard I try, my brain just can't always process certain things. DIY is a big one. I wish I could do it and do it well but it is very sloppy and rough even with time, practice and effort.

I was late learning to swim, late riding a bike without stabilisers and have an awkward posture and gait. It could be quite embarrassing. It's not as bad these days, I'll be 30 next year so I've had time to either adapt things to the way I do them or figure things out. I used to "get stuck" in the loft if I had to go up there. Climbing up the ladder was fine, down, difficult for me.

Some people assumed autism, which is not the case for me, though it's in my family.

a-jm93 , Ethan Sykes Report

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KristinW
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My 17 daughter has a form of Dyspraxia, it's not an easy condition to live with.

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#27

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them I have chondropathy since my mid-20s, so running, jumping, using stairs, standing in uneven grounds or kneeling has been quite painful since then.

I don't have enough fingers to count the amount of times I've been denied the use of an elevator or received death stares when sitting on a full bus because... I'm young and thin so... I'm obviously lying or something?

LTKerr , Lindsay Henwood Report

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Batwench
Community Member
Premium
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For those who have never heard of this, such as myself - chondropathy: disease of cartilage.

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#28

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them I have Borderline Personality Disorder--first I have to make them understand BPD is not bipolar disorder. And I have to constantly prove to them that I am a decent person. They don't believe me when I tell them that therapists have bailed out on me after my diagnosis even though they helped me through my OCD and I don't understand why except they believe that people, especially women with BPD are 'crazy bi**hes' (ableist term istg).

And there are literal subreddits and blogs demonising people with BPD--a mental illness doesn't make a person act bad, that is ableist to suggest so, a person's choices make a person act bad. You cannot s**t someone for being hypoempathetic but you can s**t on someone who chooses to be unempathetic. But I have a hard time making my friends and family understand that. They still routinely use psychopath and narcissist to describe someone doing something bad.

People have it easier when it comes to recognising red flags but since I have such a black and white mentality--it is very difficult--I see red flags when there aren't any and miss red flags entirely and people act like I am stupid but I just cannot--judge. I am trying to figure things out though--it will just take me more effort than most of those who don't have what I have.

They don't understand how--I struggle to have a grip on reality but it doesn't mean I have multiple personalities or trying to spite them--I genuinely cannot and then their reaction just strengthens the dissociation.

And after the Amber Heard case and the psychologist suggesting she has BPD and HPD--it just---worsened people's perception of these mental illnesses--I don't know why people attach mental illnesses to bad behaviour--how will that help anyone heal?

Also the understanding of BPD is so obviously on the pov of people who don't have BPD and have to 'deal with' BPD so the condition is very misunderstood hence the stigma. Thanks to it, everyone thinks it means I am clingy and have abandonment issues and I just--I can't. BPD is beyond that and I personally think the worst thing is the dissociation, the broken memories, the paranoid ideation, the loss of identity, the f****n pain and what not.

However, I am getting better. I catch myself and recognise my differences and find ways to navigate the world while respecting it. It helps me accept and heal. I wish I could find a therapist though...

neuroticfledgling , Kayla Koss Report

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KombatBunni
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh hugs for you! I was only diagnosed with it a few months ago and I’m still learning to recognise if something is a genuine emotion or is it BPD. My daughter has it as well and knowing that makes me feel so bad. We can barely be around each other sometimes and it breaks my heart. Therapy is helping but it’s slow going.

Autistic McWolferson the Third
Community Member
2 years ago

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Funny how mentally unstable people are always the first to try to have kids and populate even more mental illness into the world (cuz that's how genetics works in most cases). Funny how that works.

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Groundcontroltomajortom
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

BPD diagnosis here too. It's difficult seperating out what's normal and not normal, what's reality and what's not, who you are and who you're not. I'm 8 years into my diagnosis and getting there, slowly. It's a long rough road but it does get easier!

Seule Forever
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel you! I have BPD too, diagnose as an adult, but certain that I had it since I was a child, but it was always misunderstood for me being difficult or weird or depressed, etc. Luckily my mother and my sister are really understanding!

Becky Samuel
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a difficult one. BPD, NPD and psycopathy are genuine conditions, but the people who have these conditions often leave a trail of chaos and psychological destruction behind them. It's very hard not to judge when someone is standing in the street outside your house at 3am screaming blue murder about something they imagined that you did. And believe me, that's only one of the less damaging incidents.

AR
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly. Thanks to my mom having NPD, I don’t trust people with personality disorders. Mental illnesses I can handle as I have bipolar 2, but personality disorders I don’t have the spoons for in my life anymore. I’m almost 40 and still in therapy for what my mom did to me.

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Rens
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have BDP too, diagnosis and adult but I've had it my whole life and I can trace it back to parental neglect. Amazon the autism spectrum which is why it was pretty much left to my own devices and not giving much love, support and guidance. My BDP is managed now quite well but I still have times where it rears its ugly head

Rens
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am dictating my messages and slurring my words so I apologise in advance for the typos

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Lisa H
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God, I can relate so much. My ex accused me of being a narcissist and broke up with me shortly after I told him about my diagnosis. Everyone I know keeps me at a distance. No one wants to get close to me. I now have a very hard time trusting people as a result. I wonder if I should just keep my diagnosis a secret just so people will feel safe around me, even though they have no reason not to. I hate this disorder with every fiber of my being.

B C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same. I'd share with only trusted individuals. It's really a need to know share. I've learned to keep people at an arms length to maintain healthy relationships. I really only have one good friend that doesn't let me push her away and will always stay close and understanding. She's a friggin' saint, lol.

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B C
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

BPD here as well. Amen. I wasn't diagnosed until this last year after I finally found a good therapist. I had been seeing her for a breakup involving narcissistic abuse and she recognized what I had going on. Rather than deny me, she took me and I've been working with her the last 8 months. Everything here. Everything you've said. It's something that I cannot explain or describe to anyone other than those who love me and/or who have known me in my 40 years. The black and white thinking is so difficult to work around. Empathy is a struggle. Positive thought does not come naturally, it takes a lot of effort and is exhausting. It's impossible to explain how it feels to live like this and some days I'd rather not but that's not an option. Good luck, hon. We need it.

Janique P
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you haven’t already, see if you can find a therapist specialising in dialectical behaviour therapy (preferably one recommended by their patients). They are - or at least should be - specifically trained in understanding BPD, and the evidence shows that DBT is one of the most helpful treatment modalities. Best of luck finding a good therapist!

Mrs. Jan Glass
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Insert my overwhelmingly enthusiastic rec for the show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. This is why so many of us bring Rachel Bloom our prescription bottles to sign.

Jonahs Mrs
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A family member I love greatly is suffering with BPD and directed me to places I could find info on this illness and honestly once I had had finished reading my heart hurt, as I realised just how utterly exhausting getting through a "good" day must be and how much it takes to get through new situations and meeting new people. Strength and love to you if you are dealing with this illness x

Lyoness
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The media has played a huge role in how society views mental disorders. If you believe the movies all schizophrenics see ghosts, everyone with bipolar disorder is Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde and all people with BPD are abusive a$$holes. The stigmas are real. I appreciate your post. More people need to know these things.

Penny Kemper
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So you all are saying BPD is emotions from stress, not really emotions. I personally think most people are BDP, honestly. And people only call it crazy until they do the same thing. I also feel stressed when dealing with people who have that bad energy. You want me to be nice and easy going don't stress me out.

Boerenhond
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If some narcissists bully you and you get mad, in the sense that you really flip out and yell, you're a crazy borderliner. You have to be always perfectly calm and friendly, else noone takes you serious and they think you're insane and dangerous. I have learned to stay calm at all times and then they take you serious and don't bother you anymore.

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#29

I have erythromelalgia which causes severe pain in my lower leg and feet. This along with several other underlying issues in my feet make it extremely painful to walk some days. I get a lot of “just wear better shoes” or “use an insert” because people just assume it’s something I can just make go away. I’ve tried literally everything and it hurts no matter what I do or wear. My only option is pain management with medication.

I also live with very “high functioning” depression and low grade anxiety. And I get a lot of “you’re not depressed! You’re so outgoing and active” What people fail to realize is, when I’m off the clock, I’m completely exhausted from being “switched on” all day long.

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Kurtis Cobainus
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So true about the second part. I don't have depression but that's what so many people think. Depressed people have two modes. Outside and happy, inside and sad

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#30

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them I have a serious back condition caused by a prolapsed disk damaging the nerves in my lower back. I often ask co workers to lift things for me, I get especially weird looks for light items that are close to the floor. This is made worse by the fact that I'm a 6'3 250lb well built man

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Ren Karlej
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep, have this problem. My elderly mother would pick things up in shops if I knocked anything to the floor and open heavy doors for me. Looked awful but she was fitter than me!! Never assume you know what's going on with people.

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#31

I have fibromyalgia and people do not understand that sleep alludes me due to pain and that sudden weather changes leave me in agony. I look normal but never stop hurting. Trying to do everyday tasks can leave me exhausted.

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Nikki Sevven
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People also don't understand that fibromyalgia has its ups and downs. One day, I might be able to handle laundry, dishes, cooking, showering, etc. The next day, getting out of bed is painful and difficult. Sleeping is a crapshoot at best; my nights are more like a series of light naps than a full night's sleep. Weather changes completely derail plans, as does unexpected stress.

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#32

Anxiety. Sometimes you want to stay away from people and not go out. My family takes it personally.

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#33

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them I have autism, ADHD and a pretty severe anxiety disorder. One relative got extremely mad at me for getting onto disability because their friends weren't able to get disability support for their autistic kid, because apparently this child looks more autistic than I do. Even leaving aside the huge amount of effort and support I needed to get where I'm at, or the way autism is a spectrum, *or* the way my ADHD and anxiety are the things that really render me nonfunctional... I agree that it's too difficult to get disability support, and those people *should* be able to get help? Sorry I don't look autistic enough on good days and stay home on bad days, I guess?

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Madeleine
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The relative has a crabs-in-a-bucket mentality. It’s something ignorant people (in the US, at least) often have about workers’ pay and rights as well, and here it is about disability benefits, another financial benefit. It’s too common and very destructive. It keeps solidarity out of reach, which only benefits the people who profit from inequality and from the lack of support for working class people. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality

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#34

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them Bipolar. I need to keep my stress levels as low as possible and I need a lot of sleep because my hypomania can be triggered by stress or lack of sleep. I also have to have specific meals on specific times of the day because of my meds. I also have ADHD and can't take most medications for it due to my bipolar. Oh, and I have to stay away from grapefruit, activated charcoal, and natto because of how they cause me to metabolize my meds.

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#35

I have centralized vertigo, which is in the brain- not ears. Regardless of whether I am sleeping or awake, everything rotates. Even with meds I am usually dizzy and nauseous.

Sometimes just changing my sleep position from back to side can take a 1/2 hour and getting out of bed can take hours depending on how "fast" the spin. Trying to walk a straight line is even worse, even with a cane or walker and I often need to stop and rest. So you can imagine how long it might take me just to sweep a floor or wash dishes.

When people find out it's vertigo, they offer me medical advice that works for vertigo caused by crystals in the ears. Balance therapy doesn't work, yes I have tried...multiple times. Did you try losing weight? Yes try exercising when any movement makes you want to vomit. I take this med... Yes I take 5 different meds just to manage the vomiting.

On rare occasions, I do have days where I look normal (body doesn't noticeably rotate) and dizziness/nausea is manageable and I may go grocery shopping, go for a walk, or go to the movies. What they fail to realize is typically after those rare days, I may be in bed the next day or two with my vomit bucket next to me because I did "normal" things.

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TheAquarius1978
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a similar s**t happen to me once i went to bed fine, woken up at 4am to go to the bathroom the entire Room was spinning and i had the felling i was falling, like a free dive, luckely my SIL is a doctor and told me that was just my vestibulary system " acting up " because i genuinly though i was having some sort of Stroke at the time, luckely it only lasted 3 hours, o still get Dizzy sometimes but its easily controlable with pills, but its a f-ed up thing, it literally debilitates you to the point of not being able to just stand up.

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#36

I'm an alcoholic, don't know if that counts as a medical condition. I don't drink (or I'm trying not to) but if I have even a sip of beer it's f*****g game over for at least 5 to 7 days. It's crazy. I know on some level it's a choice so I'm choosing not to drink at all now. Everyone of my friends just thinks I enjoy getting wasted but it's really not fun the f*****g state I get into.

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Pirates of Zen Pants
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, it's a medical condition. You're a total badass for choosing not to drink. My father and two uncles had alcoholism, and they didn't make your choice. I wish they had. I have a friend who has been off the booze for years now, and her life is so much better than it was before. Hats off to everyone working on their sobriety! I can't imagine how tough it is, and I have so much respect for people like you who are making the tough choices.

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#37

Moderate depression. When you're having a low and everything looks like a mountain it doesn't take long for family to tell you to pull yourself together.

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Oliver Coine
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And/Or your family tries to "fix" you because they don't like seeing you "sad" so you're just kinda stuck being fake happy until they're also satisfied.

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#38

I have Polymorphous light (PML) eruption. Basically I’m allergic to the sun. If I’m outside for even 15 minutes I’ll start breaking out in these itchy, burning bumps on my hands, arms and legs. I get horrible headaches and nausea. I get a lot of s**t for not wanting to go outside or do outdoor activities. My friends and family tease me a lot and I just roll with it most of the time. My maternal grandma has it and so does my mom. We’re all affected by it differently. I seem to have the most sensitive skin of us all. I unfortunately can get the outbreak just by being next to a window. It’s not fun! It’s so itchy and very easy to make these bumps bleed and burn. I get teased a lot because of the cloud of sunscreen I leave in my path lol but I gotta do what I gotta do!

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Pumpkin Spice
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oof. How can your family be so insensitive (ha) if your mom AND grandma have it??

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#39

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them Diabetes (type 1, but I know a lot of type 2 people can relate). Eating is hard and my parents often got frustrated with me when I was living with them for how I took care of myself (or didn’t) and whether or not I checked my sugar on time (and if it was high) AND my insulin calculations. Un/under-educated friends and family are notoriously bad about “can you eat that?” comments and make a lot of comments about my body as well. If you’re not skinny with type 1, it’s an automatic assumption you have type 2. If you’re skinny with type 1, it’s confusion about how you can be skinny with diabetes (also: you can have type 2/insulin resistance and be a skinny or healthy weight; it’s very genetics based among other reasons). If I DO use diabetes as an excuse to not eat or partake in something, it leads to negativity and, you guessed it, them assuming you’re using it as an excuse. S**t, even doctors are bad about knowing how to treat type one unless they specialize in it; they’ll give you c**p for the most minute detail of your health w/type one if it’s not perfect. Diabetes ALSO comes with a massive list of potential comorbidities, including mental health issues. Dude, it’s so tiring to just survive with it.

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Donna Clanclan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hubby and a friend have those sensors which have an alert on their phone. I love that alert. It goes off every 5 minutes with no way to 'sleep' the timer for a half hour when it happens. They get annoyed; I get worried. Hubby more so than friend has a difficult time eating right. Poor impulse control, etc. has made it difficult for him. He thought it would be a great idea to make me the one who holds him accountable for his diet. It's only caused friction between us. Now that it's his phone that's nagging him it's much better. He does better sticking to his diet and there isn't that friction between us. He's had some doctors who were real pills about his diet. One ER visit put him in the hospital for 3 days. The doctor did tests and adjusted his insulin every 2 hours. Got his numbers right, told him to keep it that way, and release him. Never figured out what caused the symptoms that sent us to the ER. 3 weeks later, it happened again. It was his kidneys failing.

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#40

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them I very recently got diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and also have pseudotumor cerebri. It's very vexing to explain that it's really hard to do enough cleaning to get by or even make a phone call when so much time is spent resting. Half of my family never talks of any of it as anything other than laziness when speaking to just me. In public, of course, everyone is more supportive.

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Pirates of Zen Pants
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder if you have ME/CFS in addition to fibromyalgia. The telltale sign of ME/CFS is six months or more of feeling exhausted after any exertion -- physical exertion, cognitive exertion, emotional exertion, you name it. You can find out more about the diagnostic criteria here: https://www.cdc.gov/me-cfs/healthcare-providers/diagnosis/iom-2015-diagnostic-criteria.html. (I have fibromyalgia and ME/CFS. Many sufferers have both.) I'm sorry half of your family doesn't understand your diagnosis. I've been able to educate about half my family members, but others remain baffled and judgmental. They were like that before I got sick, though.

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#41

It's well established in my family that I have pretty severe memory loss. Not just short or long term, generally memories either dont form properly or they turn into a 'void' of nothing after a few minutes/years.


So they'll tell me something to 'remember for me' and when I've forgotten it hours later I'll get a lecture of some kind. But if I write it down they take it as an insult? Which f***s me right off. It's been a problem since early childhood. My mother liked telling me it was 'selective memory loss' and punished me for it often until a psychiatrist told her I wasn't lying.

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#42

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them I have Lupus and Fibromyalgia. I'm in constant pain, my joints always feel like they're on fire, I'm regularly sore/stiff, and having suffered from them for a long time without any medical treatment (on Medicaid and I've not been able to get into specialists to get treatment since my diagnosis), and it regularly makes it difficult to do even the most simple of tasks, leaves me tired all the time, caused severe depression, etc. I had roommates that complained that I wasn't doing my share around the house/socializing enough. I tried to explain multiple times that my medical conditions made it virtually impossible for me to do the things they were expecting of me, especially on the level that they were wanting. I cleaned up after myself, cleaning the dishes I used, putting them away, stuff like that. Sometimes it was a day or two later, but I always did so. It'd take a lot out of me to do so. They'd get mad I wouldn't do all the dishes, clean the bathroom regularly (despite my telling them I physically couldn't clean certain things like the tub or toilet the way they wanted it clean because of my joint pain, and offering to clean what I could if the roommate I shared it with cleaned the other things), and cleaning up the living room, den, and garage, despite never using any of those three places as unless I had work (which I had to force myself to go to which took almost all my energy to to do, because no income, no way to pay bills), I basically only left my room to go to the bathroom, or make food/get a drink. It got to the point where it caused a huge fight right before our lease ended, and all 3 of them said they wished me the best, but that they wanted nothing to do with me going forward, including the one roommate that I was close friends with at the time. It broke my heart that they couldn't be more understanding, and that they expected me to do more than I reasonably should have had to do, even factoring out my medical issues.

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Pirates of Zen Pants
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have fibromyalgia too. The pain is almost impossible for able-bodied people to understand. I'm going to write this comment on all the posts about FM: please consider looking into low-dose Naltrexone. I did, and it's the only reason I've been able to survive. You typically have to get it from a compounding pharmacy, and in the US, insurance doesn't cover it. But it moved my pain from screaming unholy hell down to "OK, it hurts, but I can cope." Important links: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3962576 and https://ldnresearchtrust.org.

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#43

I have a bunch of medical issues, but let's start with the one I was born with- a hip deformity.

The only visible sign is that my feet angle outwards, but it causes me a lot of lower back/leg/ankle joint pain. I can't stand or walk for a significant amount of time, can't ride a bike or skate (because my hip joints won't move that way), etc.

Most people just assume I'm lazy because I'm fat. Not wanting to walk, take stairs, need a seat on the train, etc. But I'm often in a lot of pain. The pain from these daily activities makes it virtually impossible to exercise, which is probably a factor in why I'm fat to begin with.

Add to that PCOS (which almost always leads to diabetes, according to my endocrinologist), diabetes, gout, mental health issues, hypothyroidism, and I'm just a barrel of fun! These are all genetic- I have the same conditions as each of my parents. It sucks.

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AmAndA_Panda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People really don't understand how crappy hypothyroidism can be. The constant exhaustion and mood swings alone are such a pain and people just think you're lazy and bitchy.

#44

ADD. People don’t realize that I forget to pick up after myself. I really put my mind to it, but when important things come up, I drop everything to focus on the task at hand and I need a couple minutes to regroup. In this meditative moment, it seems like everyone around me has to shame me that my papers are too cluttered and I should get on that straight away. It’s f*****g papers

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#45

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them I have a cognitive disorder that makes it difficult for me to finish tasks at the same pace as others. People always get frustrated at me because they don't understand how I can spend 10+ hours on a task and still not finish it. It's hard because I'm the one that's the most upset about it but it reads the exact opposite to people. They can't see the internal struggle so they assume lack of results equals lack of effort and care.

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Autumn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish they’d told us what it was. It’s sounds at least somewhat similar to what I have.

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#46

Sensory processing disorder. My parents use to hold me down to dress me and try to keep me safe when I was overwhelmed, so they know how difficult it is for me to do things and are very understanding. But teachers and friends are less understanding because they haven't lived with me, they don't know how much s.p.d. has affected my ability to function.

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Pirates of Zen Pants
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have this too. I have trouble with the sense of touch. Apparently I had it even as a baby, because my mother once took me to the pediatrician at age one and told him that I didn't like the lumps in baby food. As a three-year-old, I would take my shoes and socks off because the pressure was uncomfortable. I invented the word "bunchy" to describe things that were physically unpleasant, like being crammed into a snow suit. To this day, I don't wear shoes and socks around the house, because the pressure makes my brain shriek at me. Silk pillowcases are my friend.

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#47

I have agoraphobia alongside other mental health issues, the front-runner being complex-PTSD.
My husband frequently becomes very frustrated with me because of how terrified I am to go out into public, especially when I’m alone. When I say that I can’t, it means that I really, truly can’t. The feeling that comes over me is entirely crippling, suffocating, and unbearable. Times that I’ve tried to break this, I’ve ended up sitting in the parking lot for 20 minutes and driving back home.
I haven’t met another person who has the same issue as me, so it’s a very vulnerable thing for me to post here.

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TheAquarius1978
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It shouldnt be, everyone has phobias, my SIL hás aracnophobia lol, She literally hás a panic attack if She sees a Spider, no matter how small or harmless it os, i met a woman once that had fobia of birds ( don't recall the techical name ) i almost crashed my car because of it, She was " riding shotgun " with me and a pigeon flown thrue the Window of the Passenger side, She started screaming in Panic and weaving her arms like if the pigeon was trying to kill her, i almost crashed, i have hydrophobia if i go to a pool neck deep, life is good, if i go to the beach waist deep i start having a panic attack. Phobias are nothing to be a shamed of.

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#48

I have Ankylosing Spondylitis, which is arthritis in the spine, and so 99% I'm parking in the handicap at work and any where else I go because it hurts like a mofo, I also have arthritis in the knees, same pain level and I'm sure I get the judging eyes from strangers because they see someone who looks normal, just being lazy, when they don't see the amount of pain I'm in. So, I understand

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Odile Wipp
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My partner has this in combination with other issues and it is so hard to see him in constant pain. He cannot sit, stand or sleep in one position for long and when he wakes up in the morning he needs so much time with a heater on his back to loosen it up to a point where he can just move. He has tried to explain it to people, but they just go blank, not caring, and suggest stupid stuff for him to do as if a bit of stretching will cure it.

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#49

30 People With Non-Obvious Illnesses Share The Reasons People Get Mad At Them Visual impairment or hearing impairment can be hidden. It's a spectrum and while people presume you're either 100% blind, deaf or "perfect" there are 100,000s who fall somewhere in the middle where they can do some tasks but not others.

We have issues with some family feeling sure anyone who wears glasses are VI, yes except glasses correct their vision, where as someone legally blind or who identifies as VI glasses do not correct their vision

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Justme
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have an auditory processing disorder where I basically can’t hear 2 things at once. My dear husband of 10 years either forgets this or doesn’t believe it and constantly talks through movies and shows. He gets mad at me when I’m constantly hitting pause and asking him to repeat himself. 2 people speaking at once is just noise to me and I can’t comprehend either one.

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#50

Misophonia mixed with Autism here. Can't eat with other people, so I go to another room when I eat.

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Autistic apricot
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I cannot stand people eating so I go in another room and get told off instead

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#51

I have arthritis (both regular and Ankylosing Spondylitis) Hashimoto's, and Sarcoidosis, and so it hurts to stand, sit, lay, hard to breathe and I'm constantly tired

To strangers I'm probably a lazy bum who doesn't need an inhaler if needed (I use my wife's because she doesn't use it often like she should), shouldn't park in the handicap and shouldn't be napping or I should say people I know who doesn't understand and strangers

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#52

I have a level of cognitive impairment and find that I can't drive anymore. I'm too easily distracted and I can get lost in my own neighborhood, so it's just too dangerous.

My family finds it inconvenient when I ask for rides, so they ask me to explain it. Again. (sigh...)

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Hey!
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I usually don't recognize my own house so I use a GPS all the time if I'm driving alone. I worked at the same place for 12 years and still got lost if I didn't pay attention to the exit names, same with going to the same doctor for 18 years. I was late once and the doc still took me in but asked why I was late. When I explained I got lost he asked why I wasn't lost all the other times. Easy, my husband usually brings me to all my appointments.

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#53

I have a connective tissue disease (undifferentiated). The fatigue that I feel everyday has led me to quit doing things that had me go out in the evening. People kept asking me when I was coming back and didn't seem to understand that the fatigue can be crippling and I really need to rest, so going out at night is mostly out of the question unless I can sleep the following morning. I just stopped explaining and talking about it altogether.

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Whodathunkit
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am at Mayo Clinic in Minnesota USA with my 17 yo daughter who has this...and POTS, amplified musculoskeletal pain syndrome(AMPS), anxiety and depression. There is hope. Look up "central sensitization". It's interesting. See if you can find a program or clinic that treats your condition. We are currently attending the Pain Rehab Clinic. It's a three week program. As a mom, I am learning so much!

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#54

I have Borderline Personality Disorder, MDD, GAD, a panic disorder, I think I may have C-PTSD and possibly be on the autism spectrum (but haven’t been tested for ASD).

Because of the way I was raised (religious, Asian, military house) when I get upset I stop talking; I shut down and almost lose the ability to talk…? My ex and I would get into fights and he would be yelling at me upset and I would just not even be able to make myself say “I don’t know what to say” or “I can’t talk about it right now”. He would think I was giving him a silent f**k you when really my brain was shutting down.

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#55

Anything involving bleach or heavy detergents i have chemical exposure from Desert Storm... And my father thinks i just dont like to clean. I clean just not with those.

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Hey!
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bleach and heavy detergents are not the only cleaners around. I don't use them myself. He must be old to think bleach is the thing to use. I'm almost 60 but my mother used to use heavy stuff like muriatic acid to clean her bathtub.

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#56

I have chronic iritis- inflammation in the eye. It’s random, switches between the two. At first I didn’t realize I had it until an optometrist asked me why I had scarring/damaged pupils. Stuck on my left side after a bad flareup that left me temporarily blind and out of work overnight- it was noticeable at the time as my eye was bloodshot. I still deal with after effects- my vision will randomly become white/blurry on and off. I don’t drive, at work people will try to hand me something and i’ll stare at it bc I don’t have depth perception, or they think i’m ignoring them when I really can’t see that day. Now that it’s not physically noticeable, I have to warn people and i’ve heard a few comments that i’m making it up to get out of things. In reality i’m walking around with 50% of my vision being this giant white void.

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Chucky Cheezburger
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom has this, along with uveitis, retinitis and noduler sclerosis...Damn, I hope I didn't butcher those words. Her vision has slowly gotten worse since I was born. She can see light and dark but that's about all.

#57

Not leaving my apartment. 😔
I suffer from an eating disorder and one of my symptoms is agoraphobia. This coupled with severe anxiety makes things difficult.

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Helen Waight
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Eating disorders mess you up, and a lot of people seem to think they are something only teenage girls get. Or it’s ‘for attention’. They don’t realise just how many things in life they make extremely difficult.

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#58

Autism, ADD, depression, and poor memory recall (though that last one might not count as a medical condition lol).

The amount of times I've gotten yelled at by my mother because of my disabilities and disorders...well, let's just say that if I were given $1 for every yell, I'd be one of the richest people in the country before I turned 18.

Coworkers have been a little more understanding, thank God. And all my friends are disabled, so I feel more at ease with them.

But yeah. I've tried educating my mother about autism in particular to absolutely no avail because she is just too *stubborn* and just doesn't get what it's like as a neurotypical person.

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Autistic apricot
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope your mother will learn and be a bit more understanding to you and your autism

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#59

More of a mental medical condition but I have several anxiety disorders and a restrictive eating disorder. The easy task people usually get mad at me over is eating in public. They want to do something and think it’s fun but for me it’s very much not fun and is instead panic inducing and takes days of working up to.

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#60

Eating. I don’t have the funds to get an official diagnosis but I’m pretty sure I’m autistic and have ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). I cannot eat a lot of things due to a bad reaction to the texture, taste, smell, and/or appearance of the food item in question. I will gag and instinctively spit the food out like I’m Gordon Ramsay eating a nasty dish on his shows lol. I get called childish and told that as an adult I shouldn’t be gagging and spitting out food, and I need to eat better because I have chronic health issues so I should suck it up and eat the food that literally makes me sick.

I also have a bad gag reflex in general where I’ll choke kind of and nearly vomit if I have anything on or around my neck or throat. It’s so bad that I can’t wear those capes at the salon or I’ll vomit. I’m told I’m childish for this issue as well. 🤷‍♀️

I’ve got a lot of health issues that combine into a giant mess (me lol), and those problems make it difficult for me to do much of anything besides just sitting somewhere. I have chronic fatigue linked with fibromyalgia and have a lot of trouble making myself food because I’m tired and hurting and can’t focus. Our air fryer sees a *lot* of use from me since it’s lower effort, but I often feel too bad to use that even (plus it’s less healthy food). And when I ask for help it’s apparently that I’m lazy or selfish or inconsiderate. 🙄

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Wanita Wobble
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Identifying with 90% of your post - even med prof are dismissive of the texture avoidance or the strong gag reflex - it's crippling and I'm so sorry but to know I'm not alone is awesome.

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#61

I'm a type 1 diabetic (since age 11) & also have rheumatoid arthritis (since I was 6 or so when it was juveniles arthritis). I was a Theatre major in college and on the way to a rehearsal once my blood sugar plummeted. I was driving so I had to pull into the nearest fast food place and get a sweet tea so I could sip on it for a few minutes in the parking lot then keep going. I texted the stage manager while I was in the drive through line & explained what was happening. Luckily I wasn't far from the school so I wasn't horribly late. When I arrived I put my stuff down & took a few more seconds to drink my tea & catch my breath (sometimes low blood sugar makes your heart beat fast). The stage manager was immediately like "go ahead and join everybody else up on the stage". Yes... I will. As soon as I don't feel like I'm going to lose consciousness anymore. At the next school I transferred to, they told me to come to a rehearsal for stage combat (after I'd just had knee surgery a few days prior & wouldn't be participating in any of the fight scenes in the show for obvious reasons) because they wanted everyone to be able to "speak the same language" of stage combat. I had to go and just sit there with my knee all wrapped up in uncomfortable theater seats just to watch everyone else rehearse said fight scenes. With my already present joint issues, that just wasn't a fun time for me. In one retail job I had, I had to hide in the bathroom to eat a quick snack when my sugar would start going down because the owner acted like you were personally stealing out of her pocket if you slowed down at all.

Instances like that (and many others) made me embarrassed to disclose my auto-immune issues to anyone. I tried to learn to power through blood sugar lows, spikes, extreme joint flare ups, etc... because I didn't want to be looked at differently. I didn't want "special treatment" when I really did need accommodations. People just couldn't grasp that, even though I was very young, these issues were still very real and (at times) debilitating. I was afraid of a boss or professor getting mad at me if I just couldn't keep up. For that reason, I would tell them, "By the way I have type 1 & arthritis, but I don't use it as an excuse!" just to reassure them that I wouldn't allow my blood sugar or chronic pain to inconvenience *them*. It's been exhausting at times. I'm learning to become less embarrassed because I know that I can't help that my body likes to attack itself, but hiding it became such a learned behavior... that I'm going to have to unlearn it.

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boredkoala
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

T1D here too...powering through bad blood suagrs is an almost daily task when youre working and it is so exhausting. Most people dont understand that you're not only "sick" while your bg is out of range (which could be a long time if trying to fight an unexplained high) but there is a significant recovery period...i think of it as a blood sugar hangover. Solidarity!

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#62

Due to a genetic condition, my left eye is nearly useless. So, just looking left, especially in the context of driving or traffic in general, is needlessly complicated. I'm sorry Mr. Instructor that I have to turn my head like an owl to even see what the f**k is to my left.

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#63

Pretty much everything. I have autism, and prolly some other undiagnosed things that make it extremely difficult to do tasks unless told to. And if I don't do it immediately after being told to, I will forget. I have to set constant reminders for even little things like taking my medicine or eating meals.

I also struggle with doing a full day's work. I work part time, and when it gets busy around the holidays and managers know to give me a day off to recharge if they put me to work for any more than 3 days in a row. Especially if it's a full 8 hr shift instead of the shorter 4 hr shift. Makes me feel terrible though that I'll be the last one in and the first one out each day...

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#64

i have adhd, and this prevents me from forming genuine connections with neurotypicals because of forms of communication and how our brains work. i will tell people about this but they will constantly ignore that, and then get mad at me when i don’t show them the attention and energy that i give people with adhd. (though this is usually more of a personal issue with me) another thing is that my parents will go off on me for forgetting things (even though my father also has it)
aside from this i’m also hoh, my hearing is relatively well tho, but my parents constantly tell me how i have “selective hearing” or get pissed off whenever i don’t catch something that they had said

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#65

Back when I was in a day clinic for adolescents I'd get extremely overwhelmed by certain sounds (especially cutlery and crockery sounds) to be point that it physically hurt. We were supposed to do different tasks at the day clinic, such as setting the table or loading the dishwasher. I physically could not stand doing those tasks some days, but was forced to do them by the clinic staff if not for the other patients who were on my side and came to my defence. I've been struggling with my hearing since I was a child and still do (I'm actually sick rn with my hearing impaired in one ear for the umpteenth time).

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#66

I have severe ADHD Ik it’s extremely common I only have the attention span part of it not the hyperactivity since there are 2 versions but I seriously have a bad issue with it any task that requires attention, even playing video games not to mention something that I’m not interested in doing my wife and my mother and people I’ve worked for have an issue with this I’ve been trying to get medication but I need too be diagnosed with it again because the hospital that diagnosed me originally back in the early 2000‘s when I was a young child lost the documents or something while they closed the place, I have problems driving I still haven’t gotten my license yet because I am scared of getting into an accident I don’t have a good education with having dyslexia ADHD and a single mother who never pushed me too do well in school I realized now I should have spoken up when I was younger but child and teen me just said f**k school I have a lot of people tell me i’m using it as an excuse to be lazy

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ADHD raptor
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i also have severe adhd im sorry for you but usuly people are like "no your just lazy or oh you have adhd? lots of people have that your super common" LIKE SHUT UP SHARON NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR OPINIAN ON MY MEDICAL CONDITION

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#67

Talking.

I'm autistic, and trans.

I can speak, but speaking causes my brain to scream at me, a combination of bad sensory input and dysphoria, so I don't like to. Problem is, everyone gets pissy when I don't talk and just want to communicate through writing. They claim that since I'm not one of those "screaming baby autistics", I should talk fine and normally and nothing should actually be wrong with me. I agree there's nothing wrong with me, but they consider my desire for muteness to be something wrong, as well as a lot of other things.

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Seedy Vine
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I speak loudly enough for people to hear, it hurts my ears. People accuse me of mumbling a lot. I would much rather stick to writing, too!

#68

I have pretty bad anxiety, and I’m afraid to take medications for it and also not trusting enough to go to a talk therapist.

People give me a real hard time for both, and like to say im looking for attention. Actually im not..I was just tryna talk it out with someone I trust but okie, I’ll just crawl into bed for another three hour long nap in hopes I’ll wake up and just “get over it”

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Madeleine
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Refusing to see a psychiatrist and try medication is hard to understand. Either or both are necessary to treat some types of anxiety. It’s a condition that’s not going to go away on its own, and it’s also quite common and well-researched and well-understood among good psychiatrists.

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