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Mom-To-Be Doesn’t See A Big Deal In Not Inviting Dad To Wedding, Stepmom Cancels Baby Shower
From the many wedding stories that we tell you, a beautiful picture of a typical wedding emerges, with solemn music, beautiful dresses and fancy suits, the father of the bride walking her down the aisle towards the happy chosen one…
Stop… Stop, stop, stop! Could you imagine that the father of the bride, even being on excellent terms with her, may not only not receive an invitation to the wedding, but even find out about the actual event 2 days later, from social media? It’s hard to imagine, isn’t it? But the husband of the user u/Otherwise-Love-6687, the author of today’s tale, was faced with a similar situation. However, let’s talk about everything in order.
More info: Reddit
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The author of the post has a 22-year-old stepdaughter who will become a mom soon
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
The author and her husband are on good terms with the mom-to-be and her boyfriend and even used to help them financially
Image credits: Otherwise-Love-6687
Image credits: Min An (not the actual photo)
However, recently the couple found out that the daughter married her boyfriend – and found this out only from social media
Image credits: Otherwise-Love-6687
Neither the author, nor the bride’s dad got the invitations, but the bride’s side was present – so the woman decided to not fund her upcoming baby shower in return
So, let’s start by introducing the main characters: the original poster (OP), her husband, his 22-year-old daughter (the author’s stepdaughter) and her boyfriend, who in the nearest future is destined to become not only the father of their son, but also a husband.
According to our heroine, her future son-in-law doesn’t particularly bother looking for a well-paid job, preferring DoorDash and so on. Even if we ignore the fact that the author, apparently, has some dislike for this guy, we cannot forget that for the entire time that he and the girl have been together, they have been just house hopping, couch surfing and being on state aid.
The couple also received regular financial help from the original poster with her spouse. However, they recently reduced the amount of this assistance, citing the fact that it’s not that easy to actually maintain two households. All this time, the OP was on good terms with her stepdaughter, and the girl even asked her for some advice about pregnancy more than once.
In addition, the original poster agreed to fully fund her upcoming baby shower. But she decided to abandon this idea when she suddenly learned from social media that 2 days ago, her stepdaughter and her boyfriend got married. Yes, that’s right – only based on two photos posted by someone on social media!
Neither the OP nor the father of the bride not only received an invitation to the wedding – they weren’t even told that the ceremony would take place at all! If you thought it was an elopement, you were wrong again – the photo included the groom’s relatives and his mom, who obviously put stuff together. When the OP asked her stepdaughter why she didn’t even tell her father about this, she didn’t get an answer at all…
And now the author is seriously considering canceling the upcoming baby shower. “I feel like, if even her dad isn’t good enough to even be told his child was getting married, then my money is not good enough for this party,” the woman claims. Her husband and relatives support her in this decision, but the woman also wanted to ask for advice online.
Image credits: LinkedIn Sales Navigator (not the actual photo)
“Of course, it looks insulting – when your child gets married, and you, despite the fact that you are on good terms with them and help financially, find out about the event postfactum,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment over this situation. “So I can completely understand the disappointment of the father and his wife.”
“Perhaps the newlyweds simply didn’t attach much importance that the bride’s parents would be present at the wedding – but it was still necessary to think about it, otherwise it indicates some kind of emotional immaturity. Moreover, I can well admit that now, if this woman cancels the baby shower, they will get seriously offended and try to make her feel guilty.”
“On the other hand, it is likely that the groom’s parents, who apparently became the wedding planners, do not like the bride’s father and his wife. For some reason that is not stated here. However, in my opinion, it is still worth time to talk first about what happened, share their feelings – and only then make some drastic decisions,” Irina presumes.
But for the majority of commenters on the original post, everything is already clear, and they fully support the idea of not funding the baby shower. “Cancel the baby shower. It’s a gift grab. Return everything you can,” one of the responders wrote. “The mother put together the wedding so it should be easy for her to put together a baby shower,” another one added.
However, some people in the comments believe that the newlyweds are unlikely to get why the author actually made this decision. “You know as well as I do that it will only escalate the situation,” another commenter pondered quite reasonably. “Things like this are never taken as ‘Tit for tat’ it’s always seen as victimization by the other person.” So do you agree with this point of view, or do you think that the baby shower should be just canceled without clarifying or explaining anything?
Most people in the comments sided with the author, but thought that the daughter will take offense anyway
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
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What do you think ?
HTakeover 5 months ago
There's too much missing info here. OP has to have some clue why their side was excluded wholly - inkling that he's isolating her, family drama, embarrassed about his family, her wanting to get a start away from them, something. Look deeper, look for other patterns, talk to other family members, etc.
Justin Smith 5 months ago
Possibly the daughter felt like the didnt support the relationship as well.
Load More Replies...
FluffyDreg 5 months ago
I gotta agree that it sounds suspicious that... no one on her side was invited. It sounds like her partners side planned the whole thing without telling her. Her response wasn't just "I didn't think it would matter to you." It was "I didn't have TIME to tell you. It was spur of the moment." And since it's impossible to arrange a wedding on the drop of a hat, means they planned it without her knowledge... which is honestly frightening to me the connotations of that
Libstak 5 months ago (edited)
This sounds like coercive control over her by the new husband and his family. They clearly sold the idea of a spur of the moment wedding excluding her father as no big deal. Who would do that? Surely the husbands parents should have enough respect for her father to know he should be there when his daughter is getting married? Did the boyfriend have a fear he would object and talk her out of it given he is not willing to get a proper job to provide for his new family? So he talks the daughter into believing it's no big deal and marries her behind their back ensuring he has control of her?
HTakeover 5 months ago
There's too much missing info here. OP has to have some clue why their side was excluded wholly - inkling that he's isolating her, family drama, embarrassed about his family, her wanting to get a start away from them, something. Look deeper, look for other patterns, talk to other family members, etc.
Justin Smith 5 months ago
Possibly the daughter felt like the didnt support the relationship as well.
Load More Replies... FluffyDreg 5 months ago
I gotta agree that it sounds suspicious that... no one on her side was invited. It sounds like her partners side planned the whole thing without telling her. Her response wasn't just "I didn't think it would matter to you." It was "I didn't have TIME to tell you. It was spur of the moment." And since it's impossible to arrange a wedding on the drop of a hat, means they planned it without her knowledge... which is honestly frightening to me the connotations of that
Libstak 5 months ago (edited)
This sounds like coercive control over her by the new husband and his family. They clearly sold the idea of a spur of the moment wedding excluding her father as no big deal. Who would do that? Surely the husbands parents should have enough respect for her father to know he should be there when his daughter is getting married? Did the boyfriend have a fear he would object and talk her out of it given he is not willing to get a proper job to provide for his new family? So he talks the daughter into believing it's no big deal and marries her behind their back ensuring he has control of her?
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