This is crazy. What kind of mother thinks it's OK to do NOTHING while your 16 year old sneaks out and commits multiple major felonies? If she had been pulled over it would have been car theft and DUI at least. So stupid! You need to take Everything away from her for awhile! She is going to Blame and hate on the parents when she ruins her own life before turning 18 so this mother isn't doing herself or her daughter ANY favors now. Better her to be angry now and shape up then to think this is ok.

Wow, the dysfunction in all parties (save perhaps the son) is astounding. That should definitely put any marriage on the ropes. It would be really hard to not justify involving the police. I mean what or who did she actually hit?

I had a friend who was not allowed to parent his gf's daughter even though they had been together since the girl was 5 years old. He left the relationship of 16 years and had to sell the business they owned together.

i guess people ignore red flags all the time. this cant be the first marinara flag this lady has flown

Wow the mum needs to have. 1 a serious talk about drink driving. 2 the daughter should be made to pay for the damage. 3 the mum needs to show her daughter that you can't take other people's things without asking. 4 the daughter should be punished for the taking, drink driving and the damage

The daughter needs to feel the consequences of her actions. She is young enough for that to make a positive impression but old enough to know she can't get away with that. It is a valuable life-lesson learned. She needs to apologize and pay for the repairs. That's real life, kiddo...

I was going to say YTA until the update. The mom wanting to claim it as a hit and run to insurance is BS, and there would still b the deductible. I'm rethinking this now.

Ok. Dad is being petty instead of actually being an adult. An adult would notice the underage drunk driving incident and report it. An adult would not take someone his wife said in the heat of an argument and use it to punish the kids. Consequences need to happen for sure for the daughter, but not "I'm not your dad anymore" consequences. She should face the natural consequences of her actions, which should include a police report and all that comes with it. Mom is an absolute disgusting person. I was prepared to be ticked at the "you're not their dad" comment, and I totally am, but Jesus, she wants to ignore what her daughter did like that?! F**k. Off. We're beyond me being angry that she's gonna use a childish argument in the heat of the moment, I'm absolutely flabbergasted that OP hasn't filed papers at this point. Mom's attitude is not just wrong, it's dangerous.

Let's commit insurance fraud so I don't have to address the elephant in the room!

Children with previous relationships. Plural. Let's just say her decision making process is the weak link here.

I know I'm very late to the party here, but I feel everyone is missing the overall point or question of this post. Do step-parents have the right to punish their step-children? I say yes. If the biological parent expects you to do half or a good portion of the work that goes into parenthood, then you have the right to draw boundaries, make rules and determine consequences when you are disrespected. Otherwise you're just a doormat and an unpaid babysitter. The children will never respect you or your things, money, relationship with their mother (or other parent).

ESH but it sounds like they shouldn't be a couple anymore. You don't play these sort of games and come back to a healthy relationship.

Stumbled out? So she was possibly under the influence and got into a car accident? That is very serious. I would demand far more than a talking to as well. Also, the poster does have a say in punishments when they are active in helping to raise the children. It is disrespectful to not take their views into consideration. Not saying that he would get the final say, but they could have compromised, have the daughter do additional chores around the house as payment, discuss the length of the grounding from social media, etc. If the mother thought the recommendations were too harsh they could have met in the middle. A talking to is a sever under reaction while a job to pay for the damages might have been an over reaction if it would interfere with school or something. There was wiggle room. You can't undermind your partner when parenting. You can disagree, you can discuss, and you can reach a reasonable compromise.

ESH for sure. Maybe can't "punish" the 16 yearbold, but he should still have a conversation with her because she drove probably untoxicated, damaged his property and likely someone else's, and lied about it (by omission obviously). Big problems, and if the wife is going to enable this behavior, get out of there.

No authority? No responsibility. That's only fair. But the fact the daughter is a straight up criminal, stealing cars, drinking underage, driving drunk, hit-&-run, and who knows what else, and the mother doesn't care? Not even doesn't care, but wants to commit ANOTHER crime, insurance fraud, to cover it up. Dude should pack his things and file a police report and hand them the video so this doesn't come back to bite him.

I’m going back to someone’s earlier comment that the daughter HIT something or someone. Mom wants him to fraudulently file a hit and run claim when, it’s entirely possible, that his vehicle is being sought in a hit and run. How would THAT be explained to insurance?!? Navigating step parenting is hard. But this shouldn’t be. As everyone else has pointed out - on top of committing her own hit-and-run of some kind, she stole a car (showing zero respect for stepdad), drove drunk, drank underage (a lot apparently), wrecked the car, then sneaks back in and says absolutely nothing. The implication is that 16 year old hasn’t been addressed about the situation (there’s no mention of an actual conversation taking place). So she’s learned that mom is a wuss who isn’t really her parent and will lie and cover up her daughter’s mistakes (BIG ones). Daughter has no accountability and no expectation to show respect to stepdad. That’ll be fun the next couple of years.

Stick a fork in this marriage, OP, it's done. Talk to a lawyer immediately about the car incident before the police come knocking on your door, follow council's advice, then separate. Mom needs a wake-up call as well.

Nta, she said the cruelest thing she could think of to hurt you and end the argument. Best thing you could do is dump her.

One of the many reasons I won't date people with kids. I grew up in a mixed family and it was always a power struggle with "you can't punish MY kid", from both parents. No thanks.

Once you take on parenting duties you can't just dip out. That's not how it works. Don't take it on if you're not ready to do it for a lifetime. It's not a girlfriend or a pet or job that you can just quit because you don't like how it's going. However, the wife is insane for pulling this stuff and so is the daughter.

I almost want to say they deserve each other but that wife must be a demon in the sack if OP was willing to consider insurance fraud and not doing anything about a budding alcoholic who steals cars and does hit and runs.