Recently, a frustrated mom to two boys turned to the AITA community on Reddit to ask for a moral judgment.

In a post that amassed 24.8k upvotes, the woman explained that she invited her fiance to join her family’s vacation for the first time. “I explained to him prior to us coming to our family retreat that during our week stay with the family, my kids do not have a bedtime,” the mom recounted and added that “this is how it has always been.”

But this family custom didn’t sit well with the stepdad and that’s when things got tense.

A stepdad tried controlling the kids’ bedtime despite their mom telling him it’s a long family custom that they don’t have one during vacation, sparks a heated conflict

Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)

Image credits: davidpereiras (not the actual photo)

Image credits: nicolerohrerphoto (not the actual photo)

Credits: Fit-Respond3512

Bored Panda reached out to Anisa Lewis, a positive parenting coach, who shared some thoughts about the benefits of having routines for your kids and whether parents can sometimes make exceptions to their rules. “Routines are wonderful, they help children and families predict what is going to happen and create a flow to an evening that helps children to feel secure,” Anisa said.

“However, holidays/trips/vacations are where routines usually slip and this is ok, if this works for your family and kids. Some children can’t cope with changes to routine so maintaining them wherever you are is important.”

Meanwhile, others thrive on spending more quality time with their parents, friends and loved ones, Anisa argues, and can cope with the routine slipping a bit for a period of time. “Other children need their sleep and won’t function as well the next day without as much. Know your kids, know your family and do what is right for them,” the parenting coach explained.

Anisa is an advocate of a rhythm and flow to the bedtime routine, “a predictable set of things that help trigger the body into knowing it is time for rest and sleep. This routine can then kick into action when it needs to, to show the flexibility a family might need to adapt to changes in moods, behavior or emotions or perhaps activities that occur on different days of the week.”

She believes that there should be a routine in place but she battles with the word “strict”: “It has to work for your family and every family is different.”

When asked if it’s wise for parents to make exceptions to their own parenting rules, Anisa said it depends on the situation, each family and their needs, since consistency in parenting is a very useful tool.

“However, from time to time, when potentially it has been clearly communicated and discussed with the family such as going away on vacation that the rules might look different, this is healthy and is a way of demonstrating to everyone that communication, adapting and possibly flexibility to navigate different situations is key.”

The author later added some more information in the comments

It’s no secret that many parents lose sleep over getting their children to sleep. But it turns out there’s a scientific reason why having a good night’s sleep at a young age is so crucial. And it has to do with sleep affecting a growth hormone in children who are still growing.

According to Brandon Peters, neurologist and sleep medicine specialist, growth hormone is secreted during the night during specific sleep stages. “Deep, non-REM sleep that occurs early in the night seems especially important for its secretion. This sleep predominates in the first third of the night.”

Moreover, Peters argues that if this sleep that happens in the first third of the night is disrupted, the growth may not occur normally. “Children who are affected may begin to fall off their growth curve: for example, if a child was in the 50th percentile by height and weight in early development, the affected child may fall into the 10th percentile over time,” he explains in this article.

On the other hand, Natalie Nevares, a sleep-training expert and founder of Mommy Wise, argues that for particular families who practice “unschooling” (not being tied to a school schedule), the lack of bedtime may work.

However, she says that it’s not recommended for families who are living within the confines of schedules in other aspects of their lives. Moreover, for younger kids, early bedtime is more often than not a crucial part of their daily lives.

And many people expressed their support

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