Being a stepparent can feel like trying to join a club you were never invited to—trust isn’t handed out freely, and earning your place takes persistence and care.

Knowing this, one woman on Reddit has made every effort to connect with her husband’s adult children. Thoughtful gifts, special occasions, remembering the little things—you name it. But the heartfelt gestures have been met with silence.

Now, she’s asking the internet if it’s time to stop giving to those who never give back.

The woman has been picking out thoughtful gifts for her stepchildren for years, but she’s rarely gotten a genuine thank you

Image credits: artfotodima (not the actual photo)

Now, she’s asking the internet if it’s time to stop giving to those who never give back

Image credits: Wavebreakmedia (not the actual photo)

Image credits: secondhandparent

Expert advice

Courtney Morgan, Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and founder of Counseling Unconditionally, shared her expertise with Bored Panda to explain why it can be so difficult for stepparents to build strong relationships with adult stepchildren.

“It can be challenging for adult children and stepparents to build a close connection for a variety of reasons,” Morgan told us. “One barrier that often exists between adult children and stepparents is protectiveness over the other biological parent. This loyalty towards the other parent creates unintentional distance and hesitancy to fully embrace the stepparent.”

This hesitancy can be amplified by the discomfort that often comes with change. “Change of any sort is hard for most people, and the introduction of a stepparent can cause a massive shift in family dynamics,” she explained. “Adult children may struggle with holding onto the family unit they grew up with and adapting to their new circumstances.”

Regarding the woman in this story, Morgan suggested having an open and honest conversation with her stepchildren. “I always advise people to lead with their emotions and experiences rather than what the other person did,” she noted.

To approach the topic respectfully, Morgan recommended saying: “I really want to feel closer with you. In the past, I tried to connect by gift giving, and it felt like that didn’t resonate with you. I’d love to spend time together to build our relationship.”

Morgan also encouraged reconsidering the focus on gift-giving altogether. “I’d advise the woman to reconsider her approach in creating closeness, because some people do not value gifts as much as others, and her stepchildren may prefer alternative ways to connect, such as spending time together or checking in more often,” she said.

Readers agreed her reaction was completely justified and encouraged her to be more open about her feelings with her stepkids

Some, however, thought she could have approached the situation differently 

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