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132
Woman Devastated After Adult Step-Kids Ruin Her Joy Of Gift-Giving, Decides To Step Away
Interview With ExpertBeing a stepparent can feel like trying to join a club you were never invited to—trust isn’t handed out freely, and earning your place takes persistence and care.
Knowing this, one woman on Reddit has made every effort to connect with her husband’s adult children. Thoughtful gifts, special occasions, remembering the little things—you name it. But the heartfelt gestures have been met with silence.
Now, she’s asking the internet if it’s time to stop giving to those who never give back.
RELATED:
The woman has been picking out thoughtful gifts for her stepchildren for years, but she’s rarely gotten a genuine thank you
Image credits: artfotodima (not the actual photo)
Now, she’s asking the internet if it’s time to stop giving to those who never give back
Image credits: Wavebreakmedia (not the actual photo)
Image credits: secondhandparent
Expert advice
Courtney Morgan, Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and founder of Counseling Unconditionally, shared her expertise with Bored Panda to explain why it can be so difficult for stepparents to build strong relationships with adult stepchildren.
“It can be challenging for adult children and stepparents to build a close connection for a variety of reasons,” Morgan told us. “One barrier that often exists between adult children and stepparents is protectiveness over the other biological parent. This loyalty towards the other parent creates unintentional distance and hesitancy to fully embrace the stepparent.”
This hesitancy can be amplified by the discomfort that often comes with change. “Change of any sort is hard for most people, and the introduction of a stepparent can cause a massive shift in family dynamics,” she explained. “Adult children may struggle with holding onto the family unit they grew up with and adapting to their new circumstances.”
For the woman involved in this story, Morgan suggested having an open and honest conversation with her stepchildren. “I always encourage people to lead with their emotions and experiences rather than what the other person did,” she noted.
To raise the topic gently, Morgan recommended saying: “I really want to feel closer with you. In the past, I tried to connect by gift-giving, and it felt like that didn’t resonate with you. I’d love to spend time together to build our relationship.”
If anything, cutting back on gift-giving and focusing on shared moments might be more meaningful. “I’d advise the woman to reconsider her approach in creating closeness, because some people do not value gifts as much as others, and her stepchildren may prefer alternative ways to connect, such as spending time together or checking in more often,” Morgan said.
Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)
Readers agreed her reaction was completely justified and urged her to explain her feelings more clearly to her stepkids
Some, however, thought she could have approached the situation differently
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What do you think ?
TribbleThinking 11 months ago (edited)
I've had a variation of this with my late MIL. I did all the thoughtful cards, gifts, visits. Didn't mind him getting all the thanks, but got really beyond fed up for me only receiving sporadic snidey digs. Informed him he was responsible for all these things for his mother. Long story short, she got no presents, no cards, no calls, no visits, NOTHING. Even I was gobsmacked.
Vee Lyons 11 months ago
Sounds a horrible man. How is he as a husand, obviously a rubbish son.
Load More Replies...
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 11 months ago
Couldn't imagine doing something like this to my own wonderful stepmum, who has always loved and looked out for us. Poor OP.
WonderWoman 11 months ago
OP's husband should have been straight with the brats from the beginning, but it seems he really enjoyed the positive attention from his monsters. He should have told the offspring over and over again that OP put a lot of thought and effort into the gifts and she should be thanked. He led by example and the results are clear.
Jane Doe 11 months ago
YTA at it again. “They aren’t thanking you for choosing, buying, wrapping and delivering a present because it’s their dad’s money. Why are you complaining?
Weasel Wise 11 months ago
I read the same thing you read. Where does OP state 'I use my husband's money to buy them gifts"? Oh, wait! It doesn't.
Load More Replies...
K. LNU 11 months ago
Once again, the YTA's just astound me with their comments. Do they even really read the stories?
Crystalwitch60 9 months ago
Nope lol they just crawl out from under their vile bridges to make vile comments then slither back in 😂
Load More Replies...
Mark Childers 11 months ago
My POS father left my mother for another woman when my sister and I were little kids. He did the same thing three more times. I had multiple stepmoms and stepsiblings. I always tried to be so nice to all of them because I knew what it was like to life with my father, and I felt so bad for them. I never lumped them in with my father, if that makes sense. I liked them for who they were, and they were always very kind to me. I was always able to separate them from my father. It sounds like these "kids" never even gave her a chance. She's her own person, and she's clearly very thoughtful and considerate. Those kids are missing out on a friend. I wish I could have stayed in touch with some of my steps, but my father made sure that would never happen because they didn't want anything to do with any of us by the time they got rid of him. Don't blame them.
Woundwort42 11 months ago
It's two years later now, she's still active on Reddit but hasn't updated
BeesEelsAndPups 11 months ago
There has to be something else going on here. Where is the bio-mom? Is there some bad mojo there? Do the kids see her as a mother figure, or as a siren who ruined their parents marriage? Just grasping at straws, but it sounds like there's more going on
Weasel Wise 11 months ago
These aren't children. These are grown àssholes that make their own choices, to be ungrateful àssholes.
Load More Replies...
TribbleThinking 11 months ago (edited)
I've had a variation of this with my late MIL. I did all the thoughtful cards, gifts, visits. Didn't mind him getting all the thanks, but got really beyond fed up for me only receiving sporadic snidey digs. Informed him he was responsible for all these things for his mother. Long story short, she got no presents, no cards, no calls, no visits, NOTHING. Even I was gobsmacked.
Vee Lyons 11 months ago
Sounds a horrible man. How is he as a husand, obviously a rubbish son.
Load More Replies... The_Nicest_Misanthrope 11 months ago
Couldn't imagine doing something like this to my own wonderful stepmum, who has always loved and looked out for us. Poor OP.
WonderWoman 11 months ago
OP's husband should have been straight with the brats from the beginning, but it seems he really enjoyed the positive attention from his monsters. He should have told the offspring over and over again that OP put a lot of thought and effort into the gifts and she should be thanked. He led by example and the results are clear.
Jane Doe 11 months ago
YTA at it again. “They aren’t thanking you for choosing, buying, wrapping and delivering a present because it’s their dad’s money. Why are you complaining?
Weasel Wise 11 months ago
I read the same thing you read. Where does OP state 'I use my husband's money to buy them gifts"? Oh, wait! It doesn't.
Load More Replies... K. LNU 11 months ago
Once again, the YTA's just astound me with their comments. Do they even really read the stories?
Crystalwitch60 9 months ago
Nope lol they just crawl out from under their vile bridges to make vile comments then slither back in 😂
Load More Replies... Mark Childers 11 months ago
My POS father left my mother for another woman when my sister and I were little kids. He did the same thing three more times. I had multiple stepmoms and stepsiblings. I always tried to be so nice to all of them because I knew what it was like to life with my father, and I felt so bad for them. I never lumped them in with my father, if that makes sense. I liked them for who they were, and they were always very kind to me. I was always able to separate them from my father. It sounds like these "kids" never even gave her a chance. She's her own person, and she's clearly very thoughtful and considerate. Those kids are missing out on a friend. I wish I could have stayed in touch with some of my steps, but my father made sure that would never happen because they didn't want anything to do with any of us by the time they got rid of him. Don't blame them.
Woundwort42 11 months ago
It's two years later now, she's still active on Reddit but hasn't updated
BeesEelsAndPups 11 months ago
There has to be something else going on here. Where is the bio-mom? Is there some bad mojo there? Do the kids see her as a mother figure, or as a siren who ruined their parents marriage? Just grasping at straws, but it sounds like there's more going on
Weasel Wise 11 months ago
These aren't children. These are grown àssholes that make their own choices, to be ungrateful àssholes.
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