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16YO Gets Pregnant So Stepmom Takes Away Her Education Funding, Husband Is Less Than Happy
We might have heard many stories about teen parents, but the fact still remains that it’s a tough job at that age, especially considering the finances. Even working adults find it difficult to raise kids in this economy, so I can’t even imagine what the teens might go through.
This 16YO got pregnant and is planning to keep her baby, which really thrilled her biological mom, who was also a teen mom. However, after these events unfolded, her stepmom is very upset and is even reconsidering paying for the teen’s fancy higher education.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Being a teen parent is no joke, especially in this economy where we can see financial struggles everywhere
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster pays 75% of her stepdaughter’s—dubbed An—private high school tuition and has also saved up to pay for her dream college
Image credits: thrwayAmIReally
Image credits: evprokrey / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster’s only condition was that An not get pregnant, but she did just that, so her stepmom recommended termination, but her biological mom was thrilled
Image credits: thrwayAmIReally
Image credits: lazy_bear / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster made it clear that she would no longer pay for her private education fees, but help her with the finances for the baby
Image credits: thrwayAmIReally
Her husband finds it unfair and tried to convince her to change her mind but she refuses to budge and expects the biological mom to take some responsibility
In today’s story, Reddit user thrwayAmIReally, tells us that she planned to financially support her stepdaughter (dubbed An) but a sudden turn of events made her reconsider her decision. An stays with the couple as it has always been OP’s husband who pays for her expenses, while the poster pays 75% of her private high school tuition.
The poster is aware that 16-year-old An always wanted to be an economist, so she told her husband that she would save and offer to pay for An’s college tuition, on the condition she doesn’t get pregnant. The reason behind this strange condition is that An comes from a “dynasty” of teen moms as her mom, grandmom, great-grandmom, and even OP’s husband were all teen parents.
However, An got pregnant and OP was left baffled as it was her one condition that was defied. She tried to convince An that being a teen mom might not be the best decision as it would mean that she could no longer pursue her dream, and suggested she terminate the pregnancy. On the other hand, An’s biological mom is thrilled by the news and the poster couldn’t believe this.
She is well aware that the woman expects OP and her husband to take care of all the expenses of the delivery and child care, which irked the poster as she wanted the biological mom to step up for once. The poster made it very clear to her husband that she would no longer be paying for her fancy high school or college education.
Well, he didn’t take this well and he’s trying to convince the poster to reconsider her decision, but the poster is firm and said that now An will have to go to a normal school instead of a private one. She also mentioned that she will also give her some money to care for the kid, but she will no longer pay for her college.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Research states that the birth rate among 15- to 19-year-olds in 2022 was 13.5 per 1,000 females and although it has dropped by 3% since 2021, it’s still prevalent. Financially speaking, it can be difficult for teen parents because raising a child from birth to age 18 now costs an average of $237,482.
Now think about this staggering amount burdened on the shoulders of teen parents who have not even completed their education yet. Sounds kinda rough, doesn’t it? Well, we can understand the concerns that the poster has regarding her stepdaughter, and many folks could relate to it.
They also pointed out that they couldn’t blame it all on An because OP informed us that she was on the pill but her biological mom “educated” her about the “natural way” of avoiding getting pregnant. They found this woman’s behavior quite questionable considering that she is not even helping with her daughter’s finances, yet causing trouble.
However, they felt that the poster’s husband was the biggest [jerk] in the story as he was trying to make the poster pay for his daughter. They felt that he should be grateful that she was already investing so much on An, yet he kept demanding more and guilt-tripping her into it, which they found quite problematic.
Many claimed that he should take over the financial burden instead of putting the poster in such a difficult position. Others also questioned where the baby’s father would stand in all this, and OP explained that he would barely be able to provide $300 per month which would only cover the cost of daycare for 5 hours a day.
It does sound like quite a tricky situation, but even we agree with Redditors that in the end, it’s the poster’s money and only she decides what to do with it. If you were in her shoes, what would you do? Let us know in the comments!
Many folks sided with the poster and they didn’t blame the teen either, but they found the husband to be in the wrong for trying to guilt her into submission
Poll Question
Do you think the poster is justified in deciding to redirect funds from An's high school tuition to child expenses?
Yes, financial support has limits
No, it's unfair to An's education
She should balance both responsibilities
An's biological mom should step up instead
What do you think ?
Ace 1 month ago
I love the "I think they're absolute loonies" comment, She's right, they are. Like some of the commentors, I wonder why she wasn't on the pill, makes me wonder if her mum and grandma were actively encouraging her to get pregnant, just like they did.
Binky Melnik 1 month ago
It’s explained *twice* in the article why she wasn’t on the pill. The bio mom is WORSE than a “loony.” This girl is sooo lucky she has a second maternal figure in her life, one who ISN’T a effing moron.
Load More Replies...
KatSaidWhat 4 weeks ago
I actually met a family of 16, 32, 48. Was massively shocked but apparently teen pregnancy in the UK somewhat more common than South Africa - probably because it literally comes with benefits.
Squirrelly Panda 1 month ago (edited)
It was hinted that bio-mom told daughter to use the rhythm method of birth control. You know what you call a woman who uses the rhythm method of birth control? Mommy. Daughter's big mistake was listening to bio-mom on how not to get pregnant instead of stepmom.
Becca not Becky 1 month ago (edited)
I am curious about what the teen wants, but I would encourage the OP to also present the option of adopting out the baby, if the teen doesn't want to terminate. That way, teen can still have some involvement with the baby (i.e. open adoption, or semi-open) but not have the financial or parental responsibilities. That way, it wouldn't come across as an ultimatum and could potentially be a fair compromise. My biggest question is referring to the beginning, when OP said (2 years in advance) she wouldn't fund college for the girl if she continued the teen mom trend, but she didn't tell the teen this. Having that conversation back then could have prevented this whole situation.
marcelo D. 1 month ago
it doesn't matter what the teen wants, since the teen is the cause of the problem, but the actual reason of OP problem is her husband. She explicitely told him what would happen if the teen got pregnant, and now she is following through with her word. The one that doesn't accept that and tries to manipulate her is her husband.
Load More Replies...
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 month ago
She told the dad what would happen but not the teen. The teen is the one who has to deal with the consequences, and its the OP providing the money. The dad is irrelevant
marcelo D. 4 weeks ago
the dad is irrelevant to whom? Cause here is a topic about OP asking about what happens to her since she made a deal with her husband, and now he doesn't want to hold the deal. This isn't a topic made by the teen about how she isn't getting money for getting pregnant.
Apatheist Account2 1 month ago
Well, she's now 21, since this is 5 YEARS OLD. What has happened to this site?
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
It's not fair to "not give an ultimatum" while deciding that you'll follow the secret ultimatum. She's legally an adult while she's pregnant, and most teen mothers are emancipated minors after they give birth, so start treating her like an adult and have the adult conversation.
Mike F 1 month ago
What's not fair in the whole scenario is the OP having to foot the bills for the girl in the first place. The parents became complacent and became reliant on the OP for the monetary support. If the girl's father was aware that there was a stipulation in place, it was up to HIM to convey this to the teenager. The OP has no financial responsibility here and it's evident that she also has no parenting responsibilities either. The whole situation is a clusterfuck with the parental figures advocating TEEN pregnancy without the warnings that should have accompanied that stance. I would like to know what happened when the dust settled I suppose in the way you can't look away from a car wreck.
Load More Replies...
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
What? You are incorrect. Minors don't magically become emancipated if they give birth to a child, at least not in the US. You have to get a court order to become emancipated, and sometimes you have to prove that you are financially independent - which An is NOT. She's also not legally an adult while she's pregnant. She is a minor. Even if she *were* to be emancipated, she still could not (for example) drink, smoke, or vote until she hits the appropriate ages. She still has to remain in school until she graduates (or get her GED.) Becoming emancipated isn't some kind of unicorns-and-rainbows magic button. It may be different in other countries, but I'm assuming OP is in the US due to her use of $, and the terms "high school" and "university" (vs. "uni".)
Mark Childers 1 month ago
This country needs sex education from grade school through high school, and "abstinence" should be no part of it. The reality is that kids are going to have sex. The best thing we can do is set them up for the best outcomes by understanding how each others' bodies work and how to best protect each other. Before I had sex the first time, I was scared of an accidental pregnancy and made sure I wore protection. It's not rocket science. If you don't want a pregnancy, protect yourself. This will be a sad life for both of them. The girl is setting her potential kid up for a rocky life just like her parents did. Termination should be a conversation. Eight billion people on the earth. One less is not going to be a loss.Then the girl can go on to have a good life that she makes for herself. The poor stepmom trying to make the rest of the family understand.
Tiffany 1 month ago (edited)
It's your money 💰 do whatever you want with it. Sounds like you've been very generous. With your step daughter.. Sounds like the cycle repeated itself. I'm sorry. She was Very fortunate to have you back her studies and dream. She'll regret it in 15 years. Not everyone gets such an opportunity.
SKaye 1 month ago
I see no punishment here, only consequences. An is a 16 year old--she surely understands that sex produces children, especially in light of the family's past teen pregnancies. She needs to be clearly told that keeping the baby means life is now forever changed for her and she can't expect everyone else to step up and take responsibility for her poor choices. If An is opposed to terminating the pregnancy, she could consider giving the baby up for adoption. If an open adoption is arranged, she and other family members can work with the adoptive family to continue to be involved to some extent in the child's life. The OP is being sensible and fair. The rest of the family needs to be more supportive of her wishes, quit their yapping, and take much more responsibility themselves if they think keeping the baby is the best choice.
Kate Johnson 1 month ago
Nope. Not OP's kid, not OP's problem. I'd pull the plug and tell the parents to reap what they have sown without my involvement. I would not set myself up to be the bank of stupid people.
Allison Miller 4 weeks ago
I would totally agree if An knew but you didn't tell her the tuition situation. She may have made a different choice if she knew her schooling depended on not getting pregnant as a teen. No source of reversible birth control is 100% effective. A condom should be used also. Mom is only 32 she should keep the baby until An finishes school. Baby Daddy can give her $300 for baby expenses.
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 1 month ago
She didn’t TELL An about the condition. I was on her side until then.
Doodles1983 4 weeks ago
OP shouldn't be assuming any financial responsibilities for SD. I understand her position but, while she says she isn't giving an ultimatatum, she somewhat is. Just wording it more discretely. But SD needs to learn about consequences of actions and subsequent decisions.
tameson 4 weeks ago
So $300 from the dad's family would cover 5 hours of day care, 5 days a week, for four weeks? Day care in the US averages $300 per week! I realize the OP may not be in the US, but she did use the $ currency sign and that is only used in 4 countries from what I can tell. High quality day care in the US can cost over $50,000 a year. Thankfully my state covers the full cost of childcare for households earning up to $124,000, but this is definitely not true everywhere. Sorry for the semi off topic rant, but that one sentence made me doubt the whole story.
superfluous 1 month ago
First it is OP's money and she can do what she wants with it. Second it really sounds like her issue is with biomom - she HATES that woman, and An(n?) is stuck in the middle. I think she should have told the girl about the condition for paying for the private school. Wonder how it turned out...
Svenne O'Lotta 4 weeks ago
I hate that woman too. Telling a teenager to stop taking her birth control because you don't wanna face the reality that your family made bad decision making into a culture and a virtue is a hateful thing to do.
Janelle Collard 1 month ago
It's OP's $$. She told hubs the limits of supporting *his* child. NTA.
Nils Skirnir 1 month ago
If I were OP, I’d get counseling with a mind to get family counseling as a start. I’d also contact an attorney to protect my assets from the father and daughter. Divorce may be the best option. As an aside, if this is in the Anglosphere, but particularly in the US, a stepparent has no legal obligation to support an unadopted stepchild.
Kathy Brooke 1 month ago
Wonder what will happen in decades to come when this kid gets to choose her parents' retirement home.
K Barnes 1 month ago
Can you imagine someone who, instead of being grateful for the support of an expensive and fancy private education, then that money being used for the care of your child when you're too young to care for it yourself, punishing their parents? The ones who supported her and her baby? Also, if these parents can afford private tuition of that price they'll likely be able to put themselves into a nice living situation, it likely won't be on the teen mom, who should be INCREDIBLY grateful to them.
Charles McChristy 1 month ago
"A 16-year-old's body is not ready for having babies." Well, apparently it is because it happens every single day around the globe with minimal issues.
Load More Replies...
Ace 1 month ago
I love the "I think they're absolute loonies" comment, She's right, they are. Like some of the commentors, I wonder why she wasn't on the pill, makes me wonder if her mum and grandma were actively encouraging her to get pregnant, just like they did.
Binky Melnik 1 month ago
It’s explained *twice* in the article why she wasn’t on the pill. The bio mom is WORSE than a “loony.” This girl is sooo lucky she has a second maternal figure in her life, one who ISN’T a effing moron.
Load More Replies... KatSaidWhat 4 weeks ago
I actually met a family of 16, 32, 48. Was massively shocked but apparently teen pregnancy in the UK somewhat more common than South Africa - probably because it literally comes with benefits.
Squirrelly Panda 1 month ago (edited)
It was hinted that bio-mom told daughter to use the rhythm method of birth control. You know what you call a woman who uses the rhythm method of birth control? Mommy. Daughter's big mistake was listening to bio-mom on how not to get pregnant instead of stepmom.
Becca not Becky 1 month ago (edited)
I am curious about what the teen wants, but I would encourage the OP to also present the option of adopting out the baby, if the teen doesn't want to terminate. That way, teen can still have some involvement with the baby (i.e. open adoption, or semi-open) but not have the financial or parental responsibilities. That way, it wouldn't come across as an ultimatum and could potentially be a fair compromise. My biggest question is referring to the beginning, when OP said (2 years in advance) she wouldn't fund college for the girl if she continued the teen mom trend, but she didn't tell the teen this. Having that conversation back then could have prevented this whole situation.
marcelo D. 1 month ago
it doesn't matter what the teen wants, since the teen is the cause of the problem, but the actual reason of OP problem is her husband. She explicitely told him what would happen if the teen got pregnant, and now she is following through with her word. The one that doesn't accept that and tries to manipulate her is her husband.
Load More Replies... Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 month ago
She told the dad what would happen but not the teen. The teen is the one who has to deal with the consequences, and its the OP providing the money. The dad is irrelevant
marcelo D. 4 weeks ago
the dad is irrelevant to whom? Cause here is a topic about OP asking about what happens to her since she made a deal with her husband, and now he doesn't want to hold the deal. This isn't a topic made by the teen about how she isn't getting money for getting pregnant.
Apatheist Account2 1 month ago
Well, she's now 21, since this is 5 YEARS OLD. What has happened to this site?
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
It's not fair to "not give an ultimatum" while deciding that you'll follow the secret ultimatum. She's legally an adult while she's pregnant, and most teen mothers are emancipated minors after they give birth, so start treating her like an adult and have the adult conversation.
Mike F 1 month ago
What's not fair in the whole scenario is the OP having to foot the bills for the girl in the first place. The parents became complacent and became reliant on the OP for the monetary support. If the girl's father was aware that there was a stipulation in place, it was up to HIM to convey this to the teenager. The OP has no financial responsibility here and it's evident that she also has no parenting responsibilities either. The whole situation is a clusterfuck with the parental figures advocating TEEN pregnancy without the warnings that should have accompanied that stance. I would like to know what happened when the dust settled I suppose in the way you can't look away from a car wreck.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
What? You are incorrect. Minors don't magically become emancipated if they give birth to a child, at least not in the US. You have to get a court order to become emancipated, and sometimes you have to prove that you are financially independent - which An is NOT. She's also not legally an adult while she's pregnant. She is a minor. Even if she *were* to be emancipated, she still could not (for example) drink, smoke, or vote until she hits the appropriate ages. She still has to remain in school until she graduates (or get her GED.) Becoming emancipated isn't some kind of unicorns-and-rainbows magic button. It may be different in other countries, but I'm assuming OP is in the US due to her use of $, and the terms "high school" and "university" (vs. "uni".)
Mark Childers 1 month ago
This country needs sex education from grade school through high school, and "abstinence" should be no part of it. The reality is that kids are going to have sex. The best thing we can do is set them up for the best outcomes by understanding how each others' bodies work and how to best protect each other. Before I had sex the first time, I was scared of an accidental pregnancy and made sure I wore protection. It's not rocket science. If you don't want a pregnancy, protect yourself. This will be a sad life for both of them. The girl is setting her potential kid up for a rocky life just like her parents did. Termination should be a conversation. Eight billion people on the earth. One less is not going to be a loss.Then the girl can go on to have a good life that she makes for herself. The poor stepmom trying to make the rest of the family understand.
Tiffany 1 month ago (edited)
It's your money 💰 do whatever you want with it. Sounds like you've been very generous. With your step daughter.. Sounds like the cycle repeated itself. I'm sorry. She was Very fortunate to have you back her studies and dream. She'll regret it in 15 years. Not everyone gets such an opportunity.
SKaye 1 month ago
I see no punishment here, only consequences. An is a 16 year old--she surely understands that sex produces children, especially in light of the family's past teen pregnancies. She needs to be clearly told that keeping the baby means life is now forever changed for her and she can't expect everyone else to step up and take responsibility for her poor choices. If An is opposed to terminating the pregnancy, she could consider giving the baby up for adoption. If an open adoption is arranged, she and other family members can work with the adoptive family to continue to be involved to some extent in the child's life. The OP is being sensible and fair. The rest of the family needs to be more supportive of her wishes, quit their yapping, and take much more responsibility themselves if they think keeping the baby is the best choice.
Kate Johnson 1 month ago
Nope. Not OP's kid, not OP's problem. I'd pull the plug and tell the parents to reap what they have sown without my involvement. I would not set myself up to be the bank of stupid people.
Allison Miller 4 weeks ago
I would totally agree if An knew but you didn't tell her the tuition situation. She may have made a different choice if she knew her schooling depended on not getting pregnant as a teen. No source of reversible birth control is 100% effective. A condom should be used also. Mom is only 32 she should keep the baby until An finishes school. Baby Daddy can give her $300 for baby expenses.
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism 1 month ago
She didn’t TELL An about the condition. I was on her side until then.
Doodles1983 4 weeks ago
OP shouldn't be assuming any financial responsibilities for SD. I understand her position but, while she says she isn't giving an ultimatatum, she somewhat is. Just wording it more discretely. But SD needs to learn about consequences of actions and subsequent decisions.
tameson 4 weeks ago
So $300 from the dad's family would cover 5 hours of day care, 5 days a week, for four weeks? Day care in the US averages $300 per week! I realize the OP may not be in the US, but she did use the $ currency sign and that is only used in 4 countries from what I can tell. High quality day care in the US can cost over $50,000 a year. Thankfully my state covers the full cost of childcare for households earning up to $124,000, but this is definitely not true everywhere. Sorry for the semi off topic rant, but that one sentence made me doubt the whole story.
superfluous 1 month ago
First it is OP's money and she can do what she wants with it. Second it really sounds like her issue is with biomom - she HATES that woman, and An(n?) is stuck in the middle. I think she should have told the girl about the condition for paying for the private school. Wonder how it turned out...
Svenne O'Lotta 4 weeks ago
I hate that woman too. Telling a teenager to stop taking her birth control because you don't wanna face the reality that your family made bad decision making into a culture and a virtue is a hateful thing to do.
Janelle Collard 1 month ago
It's OP's $$. She told hubs the limits of supporting *his* child. NTA.
Nils Skirnir 1 month ago
If I were OP, I’d get counseling with a mind to get family counseling as a start. I’d also contact an attorney to protect my assets from the father and daughter. Divorce may be the best option. As an aside, if this is in the Anglosphere, but particularly in the US, a stepparent has no legal obligation to support an unadopted stepchild.
Kathy Brooke 1 month ago
Wonder what will happen in decades to come when this kid gets to choose her parents' retirement home.
K Barnes 1 month ago
Can you imagine someone who, instead of being grateful for the support of an expensive and fancy private education, then that money being used for the care of your child when you're too young to care for it yourself, punishing their parents? The ones who supported her and her baby? Also, if these parents can afford private tuition of that price they'll likely be able to put themselves into a nice living situation, it likely won't be on the teen mom, who should be INCREDIBLY grateful to them.
Charles McChristy 1 month ago
"A 16-year-old's body is not ready for having babies." Well, apparently it is because it happens every single day around the globe with minimal issues.
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