I’ve been married and then in another relationship after. I’ve tried meeting someone on those dumb apps but finally quit. It’s to exhausting, so disappointing. What they say and what they do are two different things. I truly don’t believe in partnership anymore. No one has ever been there for me, always the other way around and I’m totally done with it. Plus I’ve always had to hold my own, in or out of a relationship. They’ve never really contributed anything useful or loving or supportive at all. So why do it. So exhausting. I’m at peace now it’s calm. So calm , no extra work or drama. My mental health is so much better which I cherish. Plus there is way more to me than t*ts and a**. I love reading everyone’s replies

ugdontknow , Ron Lach Report

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I have a demanding job combined with often intense research. Quite honestly, a man would get in the way of me doing what I love and has deep meaning. I'm not risk-averse regarding men, it's just going to take something special to lure me away from a comfortable and rewarding life.

dal-Helyg Report

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2 years ago

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The right person is not going to take them away from what they love doing

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I had been jumping from relationship to relationship from 2017-2021. I had been in 6 relationships in that time, never single for more than 6 months. I had no idea how to be single. And since my last gf broke my heart, I decided to take a year off. And honestly, I’ve been a lot better for it. I feel more independent. I feel like I have a better sense of self. And I’ve had time to focus on a ton of other stuff in life. My year will be up Wednesday, but I do feel this year was really good for me

queenlesbian99 Report

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I just grew tired of dating and all the drama that came with it. I decided to invest in bettering myself and my career and I've been pretty happy. Funny thing is more guys seem to be hitting on me lol but I pay them no mind. I'm not willing to give up the peace of mind I have. When it's time to get back out there I'll know. For now, I'll enjoy my freedom and my tranquility.

shybookworm1 Report

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I haven't found someone that I feel is for me yet. Mainly because I'm focusing a lot of my mental health and healing from a bad marriage.

chochitoloco Report

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I decided to focus on myself and my happiness, I have to work on myself and mental health, as well as focus on school. It's made it a lot more relaxed honestly.

irregaardless Report

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When I was in relationships I felt exhausted and sad a lot. I do feel sad and enhausted sometimes while single but not as much and so often.

I feel good but it kinda makes me sad that I kinda gave out love and recieved very little.

Whateveridontkare , Andrea Piacquadio Report

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I’ve never felt that connection with someone. I’ve always been sorta independent to a fault. It’s not that I don’t get along with people, I just get tired really easily. Plus I’m trying to find out who I am as a person and get settled in my career. One thing at a time.

The only difficult part is my parents wanting grandkids.

bing-no Report

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2 years ago

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Its your life not theirs. They can't force you to have children, if you don't want to and they have to accept that.

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I'm single by choice! I'm not opposed to dating by any means, but I'm very happy by myself for the most part, and the rest is taken care of by my friend in my nightstand.

I'd only want to date someone at this point who really added value to my life. That is hard for me to find because I'm already quite fulfilled, but eventually I'm sure I'll meet the right person. In the meantime, it's very peaceful not feeling like I have to grind dating apps constantly or tolerate bad behavior from partners because I don't want to be alone.

TheFriendliestSloot Report

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I'm actually not happy being single, but I'm more afraid of jumping into a relationship just to avoid being lonely. I did that when I was younger and it never ended well.

I refuse to do dating sites anymore because I hate the idea of guys swiping on a hundred girls without reading their profiles, just hoping that one will match. (A male friend admits he does this on Tinder and Bumble.) Plus, a lot of dates I've had from apps just end up with the guy disappointed because I won't sleep with him on day one. If I ever meet someone, it will be because we were friends first and got to know each other slowly.

innerlemons_ Report

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I experienced a very passionate love when I was 24 and I thought that it was common and that everyone in a relationship felt that way - then after dating for a while, I realised that it’s a bit less common than I thought and that a lot of people are in relationships for stability and societal check marking. I realised that unless I was truly in love with someone, I didn’t want to be in a relationship.

I know that affection grows in time when you spend long periods of time with someone but I don’t want to settle for a partnership of convenience. Putting my energy and time into someone that I’m with just so I can avoid being by myself is a waste, in my opinion. I don’t mind being single and I am comfortable in my own skin and life. I love the freedom to be the captain of my own life and develop my tastes and personality in my own way. Plus, I make so much more progress on his personal achievements.

I would love to fall in love again but I’m not settling for anything else.

thanarealnobody Report

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I’m too busy right now in my life. I moved to a new city on the other side of the country a little over two years ago. Between the pandemic, settling in a new job and apartment, and trying to make a circle of totally new friends, dating just isn’t as important and would be too much of a drain on my time and money.

So far, all those things have been going really good.

Confetticandi , Anna Shvets Report

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Enjoying my autonomy to focus on my projects. I enjoy my own company so ai would be with someone only because of not wanting to be alone. I also don't have the desire to have children. A partner would be nice but haven't found the right person yet

miuzolina Report

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I saw what my mother and grandmother went through whilst dating- my Mum found love but my Nan didn’t and my Nan is 100% the happiest out of the two and it’s at no fault of my Mum’s partner, it’s just the ability to do what one pleases, to find love within people without conditions and also to be able to have her dog sleep in her bed with her lmao

Erinkayla269 Report

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I decided to stay single after realising that I have never had someone put the same amount of effort into a relationship. Being left at home while he goes out for dinner with his friend after driving 40 mins to see him, guys who do the bare minimum, guys who 'test' women... it's all just drama covered up in pretty wrapping labelled 'this is what you're supposed to want'.

I'm happy with my own place, my own bed, my own time.

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2 years ago

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Not that everyone didn't already know it but the ex clearly was an AH. If someone drives 40 minutes just to see you- sorry friends but she's more important to me- good friends will understand. This shouldn't be rocket science to anyone but clearly it is

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The pros of a relationship simply don't outweigh the cons.

I was with my last partner for about 8 years. The first several were pretty fun. Very happy. We were that couple that everyone knew would last forever.... Until that changed.

I've been single the past 3 years, and once I got over the pain of my marriage ending, I realized that I'm happier single, even compared to those fun, happy years together.

I have an incredible group of friends. I've known most of them for over a decade. They provide all the emotional intimacy I need. I have a dog I can snuggle with. And sex is easy to find-I'm a woman with internet access.

The ONLY downside is that life is easier with two incomes, but being broke is better than being miserable, and I just talked to a lovely friend about becoming roommates in the future.

My life is full of love, meaningful relationships, and support. There is nothing missing that only a romantic relationship can offer.

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2 years ago

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This is a very good point. I wonder how many people would stay single if housing was affordable by one person.

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I have too many issues and insecurities, and it results in bad judgement and made me attract toxic men. I wouldn't say that my life is amazing. I'm actually lonely and wish I had an SO. But it's effective at shielding me from toxic/abusive relationships. And gives me time to work on myself and go to therapy.

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2 years ago

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Being single and in a position to build yourself up is infinitely better than being in a toxic relationship where there is no real love. Unfortunately people like OP, through absolutely no fault of her own, are more vulnerable to being dragged into such a relationship

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Being single+independence=freedom. I'm a caregiver so I'm not entirely independent but I'm single and want to remain this way for a while so I can explore being myself before sharing anymore time with someone.

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2 years ago

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I had to realize one is never completely free. My mind and body require nurturing. I want to live in an apartment and pay stuff, so I need money. I have to prepare for old age. And so on. All we can choose is which cage we prefer. And I am totally happy being loved and loving on highest extend. What I do find important though, is to realize that the choice is everyone’s for themselves. So I would never judge someone for choosing different, or even question it, unless I have problems following their logic, but that’s out of curiosity, not meant ill. And once I understand, or we agreed to disagree I am fine again too 😅😂 So cheers, stay happy.

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I wanted to be whole as a person. I don’t want to depend my happiness with someone else. I don’t want to rush into relationships just for the sake I’m not alone. When I’ve found the person that I want to get vulnerable with; hopefully he will just add up in my life and not my world anymore.

SakiSpice Report

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I’m currently single because I’m in a sort of transition phase in my life - changing my career, reevaluating a lot of my life choices, saving enough for a down payment on a condo - and I just don’t have time for a full-blown committed relationship. Now I was someone who was always in a relationship (didn’t feel complete without one) but now I see that I can be totally self-sufficient and don’t really need a man to “complete” me. I’m so happy single that I may just stay single for a while.

shakesweird Report

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Cuz I’m too self absorbed to have a SO. Life’s been good

[deleted] Report

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I get to focus on me without the constant worry of not being enough for somebody or being too much. peaceful.

Lace_Coffin Report

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Freedom, independence, no drama, my life is my own to take whichever direction I want.

Relationships leave me exhausted and miserable. They bring out the worst in me and always veer my life off course.

When I’m single, I’m happy, energetic, and motivated.

TLDR; relationships are too much work for too little reward. It’s not worth the effort.

mistypee Report

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2 years ago

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For you*

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Might just be my age demographic, older end of millennial, but I have SO much more free time now. I don’t have to plan, troubleshoot, and care for two people. Just me. The relief of that mental burden lifting felt so freeing. I’m still considerate of other people in my life, but not 24/7 any more.

Seriously, there were times I felt having a dog would be less work and commitment than having a partner.

SarahNaomiTyrrell Report

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I love being alone.

Prayfor-us_All Report

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I would say it’s purposeful because I’m not actively seeking someone.

I wanted to be a better place in my life before I start dating. I’ve been improving myself - lost weight, quit smoking, eating healthy, working on my career.

champagne_pants Report

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There are multiple reasons.

I've been in relationships and they ended in pain. I'd rather take a pass on that.

Relationships take more effort than I care to contribute.

I'm not sure what my sexual orientation is. Maybe I like men, not really though. Maybe I like women, not really...idk. I don't really fit anywhere and it's too confusing to figure out so I just gave up

Abalone_Admirable Report

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2 years ago

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I feel this one. I think I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum, making it even harder to find my sexual orientation.

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Never been happy in a relationship, also seeing other relationships from the outside point of view is very eye opening as well. I've worked in male dominated companies and the way they speak about women or even their own wives made me also think that it isn't even worth it in the future. Its so much more peaceful!

Potential-Broccoli75 Report

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I’m not closed off to it, but I also don’t feel it’s my time;

I am just moving into my own place next month, my career isn’t stable right now, and I’m feeling that I still have unresolved issues about how a significant other would look at my body that makes me not feel ready right now!

orionshuman Report

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I don’t know if it’s entirely purposeful for me. I mean, I would love to be in a relationship, I’ve never been in one so I think about it a lot. I’m fairly independent and very much enjoy my alone time, in fact it’s pretty essential that I have plenty of time to myself. However, I’ve avoided dating because I have a lot of self esteem and body image issues and I know that could be a lot for someone to deal with. I just don’t think I’m worthy enough for a relationship. I’m not sure I have much to offer. But I do hope something changes, sooner rather than later. It’s a lonely life.

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2 years ago

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This one is soo sad. The right person will love them irrespective of their appearance (appearances/looks fade over time anyway). That OP feels they are possibly "not worthy" of a relationship and which, indirectly, is saying that they "aren't worthy of love" is truly awful and I hope they are able to reach out for the help that may at least start them on the road to being able to love themselves.

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A combination of a desire to continue growing comfortable with who I am, and also recognizing that my mental health isn’t great right now and not wanting to project on someone else.

austen1996 Report

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I love being single. Have been single forever. Inorder to partner I will need chemistry (attraction) and compatibility. Attraction is sooo hard to come by.

jardala Report

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I just imagine myself with a partner and all the responsibility that comes with it plus the fact that I like to be quiet, alone and I hate saying cheesy things—> so the answer is no way. I’ve been focused. I feel like I only need myself for now, since I spent way too many years hating my life and my reflection, it’s time to give myself a chance.

namesrnotavailable Report

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Honestly, just ran out of energy to pursue dating, not bitter or wanting to be single, tired of it all, for lack of a better term. The dating apps and working up the energy to "be impressive"; if someone comes along great! If not, I am okay for now at least.

TwoforFlinching613 Report

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The last 3 years has been the best years of my life, and I am 47! Since my last relationship ended I decide to take time for what is really important to me: my son, my career, myself! For the last 3 years I have achieved so much personally and professionally because I don't have the drama, I don't need to be involved in someone's else problems that they can't figure out for themselves. Since I decide to be single I have achieved so many goals, my career has launched and I bought my first house on my own! From now on I am very careful about who I allow in my life, I don't settle for less because I don't need to. Been emotionally and financially independent is the most important thing in life, for women and men. Partnership are important but taking care of yourself first should always be a priority.

Immediate_Expert6742 Report

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Ended a toxic relationship. It’s better to have the freedom to be myself and heal. (It’s better to learn to feel strong on my own, than to depend on another, and end up with codependency) Also, my education and career are exciting enough

rocket-child Report

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2 years ago

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Nobody should have to endure a toxic relationship, there is no love there. They are, however, abusive and controlling. And being single is definitely better than that.

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Most of the people judge me for the way I dress, i don't wanna be with someone who can't respect my choices be it simply clothing

171199namu Report

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2 years ago

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Exactly. If they're loving you for something they want you to be and not for who you are then it won't end well. In a relationship, you should be able to be the quintessential you, no masks, no guarded behaviour and certainly wearing whatever clothes you feel like

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I never consciously made that decision - I'm just too selfish to be willing to adapt to being in that kind of relationship.

MindingMine Report

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Mainly trust issues

OneMasterpiece0 Report

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Got out of a relationship and is currently healing? and relearning from that so I can move forward as a whole person. I respect men looking for a partner enough not to use them as rebound for a broken self (even if majority wont give you the same courtesy). Its peaceful and painful as one doing shadow work would feel. Also knowing the new me post relationship. The things I learned from myself, from him, from us being together, and from us parting. Its humbling to become self aware of how little self respect you had that let you stay in the unsavable situation. But Im also very optimistic to know that it only gets better from here.

queen_azulaa Report

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I’m so happy being by myself that I can afford to be picky forever.

Cpt_James_Holden Report

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I was single for six years and I enjoyed it.i wanted to be so to work on myself now I'm in college,BF, and cat. There is a season for everything.

Immediate-Pool-4391 Report

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I feel so peaceful

majesticblonde00 Report

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Just the highs and lows of a relationship are too taxing. Having been single for the most part of my life, it offers a great comfort to know I’m the only person to please at any given moment. I love the freedom it offers and I’m able to engage in a lot of interests. It’s great honestly.

womanofaction Report

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Relationships seems to be so superficial now, no deep connection and love anymore.

bluedelights Report

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I've never dated anyone in my life, it just seems like so much time you have to spent with someone you don't really know.

SuspiciousMountain28 Report

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I was single for about 4 years purposely, mainly because I didn’t feel ready to take care of everything a relationship involved. I didn’t have the mental stability to have a good relationship and give a partner the love they deserve.

Now that I healed many of my traumas, without expecting it I found a really nice guy so the wait was totally worth it! But my advice would be: date only if you are ready, if not, better not.

Few_Brilliant1824 Report

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As someone in their early 20s: freedom, peace, removing toxic traits, building a healthy relationship with myself first, creating my ideal lifestyle before letting someone in - this is all after experiencing the limitations of mental health issues + childhood poverty/trauma. Life's been great, especially after I decided to intentionally cultivate my current family relationships before seeking out a romantic one. Not as lonely as it was in my late adolescence, thank God, but sometimes it is a bit of a challenge when I crave company. Totally worth it tho. Better to be healthy first.

[deleted] Report

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I’m doing long distance right now, so not single, but I’m enjoying the extra time to spend with friends and such. I’m usually the type to get wrapped up in a relationship, so this is a happy way for me to explore what else life has to offer

poe201 Report

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I’ve never been in a relationship, but I’ve dated before and I never liked it tbh. I’m still very young (in my early 20s), but I genuinely prefer being alone. As many other people said on here, it’s very peaceful and I like that. I’d be willing to get in a relationship only with someone I genuinely see myself with in the long run and that still hasn’t happened yet.

karin2210 Report

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I have everything I need currently and a man would have nothing to offer me at this point. I'm just too comfortable and free and I doubt I would ever want it to change.

Silver6Rules Report

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I do not trust anyone to be my teammate in that capacity after the person (who I thought was my person) was caught trying to stealth me (reproductive coercion). I voiced my needs about not wanting to get pregnant (despite being on BC) and having a hormone condition which makes detecting pregnancy more difficult.

They also started lying about any small thing for convenience of not having to deal with it. I did try to get them help for other issues when they asked for help, but they would not talk about anything except surface value stuff (I told them I didn’t need to know but they told me) to a therapist. They didn’t like the medication they were on but they refused to try anything else when I suggested changing things up with their doctor or letting them know they didn’t like it. I couldn’t make them happy. I was giving more of myself than I could give to be partner, caretaker, and also a somewhat functional person despite my own flaws.

It’s gone well. I take care of my own needs now. It’s still difficult, but I do work for one person and don’t have to worry about how much I’m messing up life for two people.

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2 years ago

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Ok, the first bit is a huge red flag- whether or not you're going to have kids is a huge deal so couples need to be on the same page but trying to get your partner pregnant when they've clearly stated that they don't want children elevates them to way beyond AH. As for the rest, it sounds like the ex had some mental health issues too. Sadly, the ex's type of response has more to do with the BS way men "deal with their problems by not dealing with them" (that whole "only women and children go to the doctor" cr@p) rather than anything else and as much as I'm sure OP wanted to help, this perfectly fits the adage "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink".

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ATM, I am still heartbroken over the last relationship I had that ended. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready to be in a relationship again, or if I will like anyone that much ever again.

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2 years ago

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Know exactly what OP means, especially when you think you've found "the one"

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Coming from me I have stay single purposefully for 3 years now because I want to enjoy life and I am looking openly at my options too .

Today’s relationship are praised to be toxic in the ways for examples ” you don’t wear that , why are you going out without asking me or having the opposite sex friends , etc “ and that just doesn’t go with me .

Not only that but i am just 20 . My first relationship was when I was 16 . I was off and on for 2 years with the guy and it just left a sour experience not to add I had “things” with people after that which didn’t ended great and it just made me realize I didn’t wanted a commitment. Besides I really want to enjoy every aspect of life. The hangout with friends , partying ,going to do stuff with friends without having to change my routine and time for someone else . That’s also one of the reasons why, I am just to brutally selfish to change my day to day routine for someone else . I spend half of my time to myself , family, friends and business and to add someone else it would be impossible . That doesn’t discard that I don’t keep my options open I do.I do go out to dates but if the guy isn’t really wowing me I just cut it and continue on. I guess I haven’t found the one worth to change my life or routine yet .

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I got out of a 4 year long relationship in January 2021. I’m only 23. Was 22 when it ended. It wasn’t a good relationship. I didn’t realize just how bad it was until I was out of it, and it felt like the Stockholm syndrome was wearing off.

So even though I’ve come a long way, the idea of a relationship still feels like giving someone control over my life again. And I can’t do that. Plus, I’ve been having fun just doing what I want, and participating in the hook up scene.

I’m also in therapy. Sometimes I get sad, because I see other people who are truly happy in their relationships. But I know that I’m not emotionally there, and couldn’t provide someone with the commitment they need, because of all the damage I’ve got going on. I’m not rushing it.

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2 years ago

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Glad OP is getting help. It does make it exceptionally hard when your experiences of relationship, be it your own or others around you (in my case my parents) are so thoroughly toxic to avoid repeating that behaviour in the future. And I get the bit about seeing other people happy in their relationships and wondering what must be broken in me that I can't experience that.

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I feel like I've answered this question fifty times, and I probably have.

I truly feel like I do not have my life together enough to be with another person. I don't feel like I'm at a place where I can be an equitable partner.

I also don't know if I even want to be with someone. I've said this for years and I've been single for years, so, I feel like I've made my choice. It doesn't have to be an everlasting choice but I just don't feel confident to one, be with someone, and two, to be in a couple where it's a good dynamic and a good fit for me.

AtleastIthinkIsee Report

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I don't commit to things like I should, be it d&d games or just a routine in the morning, I never stick to things, and after I realized that I was getting so sick and irritated of everything that my first boyfriend did, I decided to break it straight to him and we had an amiacble break. It's fair to him to have a person who can't stay with him as long he wants to stay with them just because they can't do something so simple as committing.

As for how it's been, it's been alright, I just try to commit myself to things and not throw something away or stop doing it just because there's a small flaw in it. I'm working on it, but I don't think. Relationship is right for me until at least after college.

Hot-Championship-848 Report

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Been single for the best part of a decade. Over the last year I’ve been open to the idea of dating, but I’m really not bothered if I don’t find anyone. I’m happy just being me. The only thing that annoys me is that it’s so much more expensive being single.

silverandstuffs Report

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Relationships doesn't have sense, waste of money and time among other things.

Brilliant-Animator31 Report

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Honestly? Find someone I genuinely like and attracted to. I also don’t want to date just for the sake of not being alone. In my experience most people are not that thrilling. I don’t have problems attracting anyone I wanted is compatibility that’s tough to gauge. I also don’t want to deal with the demands. Most men are too needy and don’t offer enough quality what they demand. I get it human nature to want warmth and so many prize sex but it feels like most just want living blow up dolls that aren’t affected by the reality of living. At first you get it but after a while you get sick of it since with many of them it’s a halfway street. They can be affected by the world but we cannot. And the purposely delayed maturity on many just because they can…ugh. And with women, I unfortunately have a type and being in the US, the demographics of women willing to date women don’t reflect my preferences. I’m also not willing to date internationally to try. At this point I’m just exhausted and disappointed so I just focus on taking it easy. NGL I miss the warmth of having someone next to you at night but the shenanigans of dating is not for me. I’m trying to recollect and process my options. What to do so that I do form the connection I want. Being celibate by choice is not as easy as one would think it would be but infinitely the better one to avoid being hurt and wasting time.

HappyToBeMoi Report

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My insecurities, appearance, low self-esteem, lack of motivation, not liking myself and social awkwardness

IAmRainbowPoop Report

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I go through phases lol I don't see why we should all go through phase of constantly dating or relationship hopping

anonsbc Report

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Too much heartbreak. Plus I’m not easy to live with so I’m really doing potential suitors a favour.

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