"She thinks the bathroom needs to be cleaned weekly". My dude. Yes.

Bath and sheets weekly is how we do it and I am a slob. Even I think letting dishes in the sink for 3 days is gross. They should at least be cleaned the next day. He sounds like a frat boy.

I just skimmed the list assuming I would get to read some outrageous cleaning ideas. But that is just ... basic? Like, barely non-slob territory? And as a SAHD, what the hell do you do all day if weekly cleaning seems to be a big demand on your time?

The bar is so low it's a tripping hazard in hell but somehow it's still out of his reach. good lord.

SAHD needs to be exactly like a SAHM. Meaning the expectations are the same. He needs to not just read to the kids and run errands, there are daily chores to be kept up with. Do the dishes after every meal—-at least rinse them and put them in the dishwasher, ffs. The house needs to be tidied up every day. Not spring cleaned, but put in reasonable order. What really rubbed me the wrong way was when he referred to it as “helping” with the housework. As a SAHD, he’s not “helping” with housework, the housework is his f*****g JOB now! So he needs to approach it the exact same way he would a job outside the home. But he’s just using it as a way of goofing off and doing all the fun stuff with the kids, but not doing any of the hard stuff, and letting the house become a sty instead of a home. So he needs to get off his duff, and either go get a paying job and hire a housekeeper, or start being a REAL SAHD who keeps the house and kids and dog orderly and in tiptop shape. Just like HE would expect his wife to do if she was a SAHM.

Way too many people are skipping over the fact that he thinks it's okay to leave dishes in the sink for almost a week and let his toddlers go 3 days without bathing.

When he said she was "extremely clean" l was expecting something pathological, not my average cleaning standards, lol.

And his point being? Our bathroom gets cleaned twice a week because a nasty a*s bathroom is well, nasty!! Also, no dishes in the sink for more than overnight, if we are lazy. Bedsheets every Sunday, unless something "leaked", and vacuum several times a week. Thought this was normal?

Why brush your teeth? They're just going to get dirty again? Why bother bathing, vacuuming, laundry or anything? Why bother putting dishes away, they're just going to get used again. This guy sucks.

Every single ‘crazy’ standard she has is the same as mine. Kids probably don’t need to be bathed every day but I did because it was part of the bedtime routine that helped settle mine for the night. Consistency is key to having happy kids.

I think her standards are a little too high and his are WAY too low.

I was ready for some extreme demands but everything he listed were fully normal... You're letting milk sitting cups or bottles for 3 days it's going to be fetted. That's enough for stuff to get fuse to the dishes too and then it's way harder to clean. Some extreme things I've seen from people are like expecting the glasses to be in an exact position, or dusting daily instead of weekly... And him showering every night before getting into bed makes me think that his body hygiene is about as good as his house hygiene (after all most adults that shower daily could choose to do it in the morning instead). I'm thinking he stinks and she didn't I want to lay next to that all night.

There's being a "clean-a-holic" and there's being a slob. I don't think the wife (requesting the toddlers have a daily bath, dishes washed daily and floor/bathroom/sheets cleaned once a week) is a "clean-a-holic" but the husband IS a slob. He wishes they could have lived together before marriage? How do you think SHE feels?

In one of the replies he said his wife gets upset if he's just been to the grocery store and touches the bed before showering. Assuming he's not exaggerating (and I am not ready to make that assumption), that one is over the top, but the rest of her expectations sound perfectly reasonable.

Maintaining a clean house is 20-30 minutes a day of work. This makes me feel like I'm such a clean boi. I do a touch up vacuum 2x a week, wash floors once a week. Bathroom cleaned 2x a month, toilet cleaned if there's streaks, sheets changed weekly. Teach the kids the tidy up song and get them to put away their toys before dinner. Wash your pots and pans as soon as the food's done. Plate up, put the leftovers in containers and wash them before food becomes sticky. Wash plates/cups or put in the dishwasher right after supper. Staying ahead of cleaning just means you need to take a couple minutes at the right time and you're golden

Sounds like he’s a lazy pig happy to live in filth

Sounds like ESH to me. Their communication is c**p and need to compromise on both of their ends.

that dude is disgusting... wife is normal, love clean house... as i live in tropical country, as long as my shirt wet from sweat, i'll take a bath, its not comfort sleep while in that condition... in the weekend, when im tinkering with house, bike or car, i could take bath 2-3x man...

OP is more than a slob. Is he annoyed that he has to wipe his a**e after taking a dump?

Dude.... welcome to the humbling world of womanhood

Ok, YOU think dishes every other day ??? Oh lord. Buy then put in a dishwasher!!! It may save some time and energy for bath time for the kids daily.

YTA, SAHP should be able to handle most of the chores better than it sounds like he is, but it sounds like the wife does have some excessive standards too like bathing children every day, no dishes left in sink, no toys left out, and demanding husband showered every day after work I would think would depend on the kind of work.

Nobody mentioned how everything he said are the expected action a woman need to do EVEN when working 80h a week, if husband were working?

Being a stay at home parent, whether man or woman, includes a large portion of the cleaning. Yes, the working parent should help out when home, but after working 40-80 hours weekly, they should not have to come home and do the majority of household chores. She is not asking anything at all unreasonable, but rather very standard expectations of cleanliness. You incorporate the cleaning into your day and even involve the littles to some degree. It's actually really fun for them (as long as you don't make it seem like a horrible thing you are being forced to do) and they learn that chores and responsibilities are a normal part of life.

I have been on both sides of this disagreement. When I was younger I was the clean freak. Everything had to be cleaned every Friday. (nope could not be done any other day ). All furniture pulled out, cleaned under, all laundry done, sheets changed....and on and on. Now that I am old and sick I just can't do it anymore and I am more like him. When I babysit my great grandson he sometimes wears his pj's all day :) My house is pretty much the lived in look. Still frustrates me that I cannot keep it super clean like in the past but at the same time I sometimes regret all the time I wasted cleaning when I should have been playing with the kids when they were little. I got the cleaning idea from my Mom Growing up the house always had to be spotless -- always. Her motto that she passed on to me was "We may be poor but we don't have to be dirty". My wish now is to be able to find a happy medium especially with the kids when little.

So you are a stay at home dad? Do you just laze around eating bon bons while watching soap operas all day? Go out for lunch with the boys and say f**k it to housework?

Yeah, gotta stand with the wife on this one. Clean the floors that the kids play on every three or four days? Wash the dishes without letting them sit in the sink for a couple days? Wash the sheets once a week? If all this is too much for OP to handle, then his wife is right: He's a slob, and should go back to work and hire a housekeeper / nanny.

Weird this time around it's all the NTA replies that are unhinged. SAHMs do actually the majority of the housework, but he won't? Yes, he is TA here, and thankfully most of the replies are just that. Reality check dude, you don't get to whine and complain about the frequency of a clean home and kids. It's a safety hazard to leave dirty dishes in the sink, the sink is about as dirty as the toilet, and should be sanitized weekly, too. Daily stuff: dishes, sweeping, cooking, cleaning the kitchen, teach the kids to help by putting toys, clothes and little things away, that's part of child raising, and as the primary caregiver housework is part and parcel. Weekly stuff is bathroom, vacuuming, dusting, break each down into smaller more manageable pieces and you should be able to keep house and kids safe.

Based on the title alone I was think she had severe OCD but honestly what OP said seems reasonable. I live alone so I'm not really a neat freak like when I was married but then my ex husband was a slob. Also I highly doubt if a SAHM said the same thing her husband would be labeled an AH. If a SAHM was doing what OP was I'd be calling her out too.

This has to be trolling. Everything he complained about is basic hygiene.

This nga nasty.

She's on a hiding to nothing with this person because he thinks basic, functioning adult hygiene is 'helping' and OTT. He's a slob. Those types of people rarely change. He's inherently gross and lazy, happy to just coast through life doing the bare minimum. He'll be a millstone round her neck.

This has got to be rage bait fake right ? No adult person is this nasty. This cannot be real.

What she asked of him is the bare minimum, what the hell does he do all day?

I am just getting iver a major depressive mode ( yay meds and therapy). I couldnt even bath or wash the dishes often. And I *hated* it. It was so gross. This guys standards are so low. And yes, he is stilll thinking he needs to " help". He needs to do the mental load, get organised and get to it.

NTA. Two toddlers is a full time job. Everyone would say that if it was a SAHM.

I think the NTAs about the reactions being different if he was a SAHM instead of a SAHD really got a point here. It's also pretty common to only bathe a kid 1-3 times a week, it's not that big a deal until they're teens (daily is definitely unnecessary, there are many pediatrician statements on this) so like idk why people are acting like he's a cruel dad for not washing them every day. Do agree the other stuff he could do with raising his standards a little for his wife but I'm a teen slob and honestly don't see any issues with the way he's doing this

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I am ready for the downvotes but I think the man is right. It's not healthy for the skin to bath every day, it's not bad (studies even suggest it's healthier) to grow up in a little messy environment than all clean and desinfected. Also it can be very sad for the kids to have put away the toys because sometimes there are stories that want to be loved through days and if you put away the toys you stop the story and I believe it is a good thing if a kid can hold on an imagination or thought for more than a day