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Every kid grows up differently. Some have it easier, others have to fight tooth and nail for everything they have from the get-go. Those who are lucky and have their parents spoil them find out how harsh life can be only later in life.
This moment comes at different times for different people. Some spoiled kids realize how good they had it once they leave the nest. Others only understand how coveted they were after a certain tragedy. One Redditor was curious to know the experiences of these children. So they asked: “Ex-spoiled kids, what [were] your reality checks?”
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#1
I failed out of an rich kid private college and the only place that admitted me was night school at a large public university. For the first time I was surrounded by working class people who were busting their a**es to improve their lives, working one or two jobs while going to school. Changed my perspective. That and a couple girlfriends (one now my wife) who were the first in their family to go to college who kicked the rich kid arrogance out of my sorry a*s.
Zaphod 10 months ago
Age matters too. I started college at 36. I took my pre-med classes at night at the local State school while working full time. I made friends with another older student in some of my classes. Between the two of us, we set the curve in all of our classes. All of those 18 year olds didn't stand a chance because they were busy having "the college experience."
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#2
I had a few reality checks. The first major one was during a Christmas gathering where my nephew received 2 new Playstation consoles and 1 new Xbox console. The idea was to send a Playstation to each parents house as they were separated. His comment was "is that it?" The amount of red that I saw was insane. I was a spoiled brat but I never made a comment quite like that. Made me realize how insufferable it is to be around a spoiled brat.
Second was when my mom had a stroke. Found out she took out a lot of loans in secret to afford a lifestyle facade. I was used to my mom fixing all my problems whether it be monetary or education based. We were told my mom would have 48 hours to live - needless to say I sobered up quickly and got my s**t together.
Nearly 9 years later and both mom and I are doing great!
#3
My parents were super wealthy so all my siblings and I were spoiled. My brother however despised my parents and was super rebellious so he always rejected their help. As soon as he turned 18, he went to university, was able to pay for it himself through scholarships, part time jobs, paid internships and student loans. I remember visiting him during his uni years, asking if he needed money (I was younger than him btw) but he refused any help. His living conditions were absolutely horrible. He would rent a locker on campus, put all his stuff inside and sleep on campus. He constantly looked for free food anywhere and everywhere. That’s when I started to realize how hard life would really be without my parents support. It gave me a new appreciation for my parents but I also started to respect my brother a lot more. Always thought he was just a delinquent lol
A lot of the entries on this list have to do with generational wealth. Some of the stories are about so-called ex-spoiled kids finding out they are richer than their peers. Others are about how the spoiled kids had a wake-up call after losing their parents' financial support.
Coming from a well-off family might not seem like a privilege to the kids, yet it still is. An associate professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro, Gabriela Livas Stein, says it's imperative to teach children about privilege, especially racial privilege.
"When people don't understand or acknowledge that their success is not just a result of hard work but also due to unearned advantages, they then make assumptions about the reasons why others have failed ― like they did not work hard enough or did not try to get out of poverty."
#4
When I mistreated someone I cared about and they actually followed through with cutting me out of their life.
sara fulmer 10 months ago
I lost a great partner because they didn't give me a 4th or 5th chance. Pretty cocky of me. They are the better person
#5
My mom had her own salon and I worked for her. I was a very spoiled, entitled and irresponsible 21 yo. I would party all night, come home at 4am and then go into work 30 min late without telling my mom. I thought I did a better job than everyone. I looked down on my moms employees. I didn’t care about customers and treated them badly. The list of negatives could go on and on.
Anyways my moms brother, my uncle, died unexpectedly. They were extremely close in every way almost like twins. My mom had a complete mental break down and stopped going into work immediately. I had to step in to take care of her business and employees while she took time off to mourn. She ended up taking 4 months off and went on a once in a lifetime all around the world vacation to cope with her grief. I literally had to take on a million responsibilities overnight. In those 4 months I took care of every single aspect of the salon without prior business knowledge. I realized how difficult having a business was and how ignorant I was before.
I got my c**p together real quick to save my family’s business and keep it afloat while my mom was gone. I really grew up from that experience and I’m glad I went through it. I never once took my mom, her business, customers, income or people in general for granted ever again
BrownTabby 10 months ago
Your mother shares some blame there. She had a responsibility to her customers and especially to her employees to rein you in, and she didn’t do it.
#6
I always thought that if people actually tried to live frugally they wouldn't complain. Now I realize that even if you're single, have a tiny apartment with roommates, an old clunker, eat rice and beans, etc: you can barely make enough to live, much less set aside money to hopefully own a home one day without Mom and Dad's help. Actually crazy how much life costs and how little we make.
Kaedyn Walsh 10 months ago (edited)
I've always been embarrassed of the place my boyfriend & I live (S Indiana USA), but constantly seeing stories like these has me beyond grateful for where we live. Rent is $200/wk & it covers electric, gas, heat, ac, net. I'm the only one working since he can't & I make 14.06/hr. I'm now self learning fullstack dev(will start as a Frontend Developer) & we are going to stay here. For anyone curious, we live in a rooming house (upstairs is $165 a week, but ppl have to share a bathroom). My bf and I live downstairs apartment & we have a fully private huge bedroom, private full size kitchen & private bathroom w a huge shower. Bedroom is big enough to have a 3 seater couch, queen size bed, 2 dressers (a tall one & a long one w 9 drawers), a big TV stand & a big walk in closet & still plenty of room to walk around etc. We have our own private porch that 5 people can relax in around a decent sized table. We are very lucky to live where we do. Town is very nice & our area we live in is safe & has a low crime rate.
Experts say it's important to teach kids how to practice gratitude. That means embracing what you have and thinking before wanting more, mostly in the context of material things. In his book Freedom of Simplicity, Richard Foster writes about how we, in the contemporary world, always strive for something bigger and better.
"We grasp and grab and never have enough. And most destructive of all, our flashy cars, and sports spectaculars, and backyard pools have a way of crowding out much interest in civil rights, or inner-city poverty, or the starved masses of India. Greed has a way of severing the cords of compassion."
Experts say that we have to teach our kids that we have enough in our everyday lives. Maybe we don't need more toys, more jewelry, and the newest iPhone. Teach kids to prioritize experiences like going to the Zoo and family trips over material things, parenting experts say.
#7
Father died and gave his inheritance to his 25 yo gf
#8
Having a disabled child. I was an only child with a supportive dad and stay at home mom and I had a great childhood with very few responsibilities. When my first child was diagnosed with multiple lifelong disabilities I knew I had to grow up and put her first and be her advocate. It has made me a better person for sure.
#9
Once my roommate moved in I realize how privileged I was. She does not have a good relationship with her parents, so they don’t help her with anything, I on the other hand, have a very good relationship with mine. they help me with absolutely everything. I sat down and explained my finances to her and casually told her about how my mom pays for my car bill and my car insurance and how if I’m ever short on money, I can easily just text my parents and ask them for it, she stared at me like I came from another planet. I didn’t realize until then it wasn’t like that for everybody else. Ever since then I’ve taken steps to take more accountability with my own finances, I stopped shopping as much as I used to, and definitely second-guess going out for the night needlessly. Seeing how hard she struggles when I’m pretty much doing just fine really opened my eyes on how hard it actually is out here. So for now I pay all the bills when they’re due and she pays me her half when it works financially for her and although I’m still spoiled in many ways I’ve managed to find a way to make it work for her and I in our favor. Bills due now but you won’t have the money till next week? Okay, I’ll call my parents and they’ll pay it and when she has the money I just give the money to my parents to pay them back. You can be spoiled and still find a find a way to share the privilege if you care enough.
Another important thing is to make sure the kids grow up to be responsible. That means teaching a child that if they want something, they have to work for it. That doesn't mean that parents should pay children for doing chores. Not everything in this world is material. "To be a functioning part of society, you have to contribute," Today's Parent writes.
#10
My family was middle class but treated me like they always had plenty of funds. When I heard that they took $ out of their retirement savings so I could go to private university, I turned in my transfer notice and came back to an in-state college and picked up a job as well.
External-Egg-8094:
Yea sounds like they knew they raised them right and it was a worthy investment. I think some need to differentiate spoiled vs privileged.
Bogdan Chelariu 10 months ago
Completely agree with External Egg! That isn't "spoiled", that's just well taken care of, with lots of efforts from their parents!!! Glad OP grew up as a decent young person, despite that!
#11
I am the second child who got everything he wanted. My sister was the one to compromise everything for me. I wanted new phone, i got it. I wanted a new computer, i got that too. Basically everything i wanted i got it. While my sister was still using her old stuff. Now comes the part where at some point i realized this is wrong. When i go over memories of me getting the stuff i wanted my sisters eyes pop up, and they look sad man.. I ruined her childhood. I just wanna roll into a ball and cry.. not for me but for her. I was a horrible brother we fought a lot and everything had to go my way. We are grown ups now and every now and then when i look at her i feel shame. She has a beautiful family and is doing financially light years better than me. I'm so happy that she's getting everything she wants but i know i will never get rid of the shame of what a spoiled kid i was..
#12
Got to college and I was genuinely pretty shocked that everyone else didn’t have month long vacations in the south of France eating in Michelin star restaurants etc. Must have seemed like a real d**k to quite a few people.
#13
At the age of 13 I went from living in a mansion to sleeping in a car because it turns out my dad had committed many white collar crimes and our bank accounts were frozen & assets seized.
#14
I was late to the game when it came to applying for colleges my senior year of high school, so when I accepted to go to a school 8 hours away from my hometown, I had missed the deadline to apply for a dorm or nearby apartment. I ended up living in a house four miles away from campus with no car, and with the nearest bus stop being a 30 minute walk through tall grass next to a busy street with no sidewalks. I missed my bus the very first day of class and started sobbing. I called my mom and she empathized, but there was nothing she could do. That was the day I realized I had to start figuring things out on own and life would no longer be easy.
BrownTabby 10 months ago
Whatever y’all do, don’t get me on the subject of parts of America not having SIDEWALKS.
#15
When I was complaining to a college classmate about how my laptop battery wouldn’t last for a whole class and I was really hoping for a new one from my parents for Christmas. I then learned her parents were homeless and she was just hoping by Christmas they’d have a roof over their heads. Big wake up call. We remain friends to this day.
NoFaithlessness7327:
My friend who's unaware that he's rich thinks that his laptop is terribly outdated after a year so he wants to constantly have a new one yearly.
#16
When my parents got divorced because my dad decided that drugs and hookers were more important than his family.
All my friends from my private school stopped talking to me because I was no longer 'one of them'.
And I had to transfer to a public school. I pretended it was because I wanted to be in a co-ed environment and try out for cheerleader, but the reality was, we couldn't afford it any more.
My horse was sold.
Then the IRS came after my family for back taxes and took my mother's bank account, our house and sold our belongings - including my white princess canopy bed.
And to top it off - we had to move into the 'projects' after that.
This was in the 70s.
Nimues Child 10 months ago
I had a friend whose father was so petty that when he left the family he had the utilities (electric, heat, etc.) cut off from the family home. In New England...in winter. The man didn't give one s**t about his children. It changed my friend's life and outlook on life. He's one of the nicest people I know and taught us all how to be grateful for what we have.
#17
I wasn’t spoiled, my parents provided a very average middle class upbringing, but being from the SF Bay Area, the value of the house my parents had bought in the 1970s had skyrocketed over time.
After watching Fresh Prince of Bel Air one day, I ran downstairs to my dad who was sitting on the ground, sweating from hours of pulling weeds from his garden and said, “Dad, you should become a millionaire so we can have a butler!”
And he just looked at me and said, “Goosfrabbah, I am a millionaire…” And just went back to weeding.
That one will always stick with me
#18
Doing habitat for humanity like trips to West Virginia and Nicaragua. Seeing other people’s homes in disrepair and then building a personal relationship with the home owners hits differently. These people were just born into their situation just like I was born into mine. It made me appreciate the stuff I have more
tresgatos72 10 months ago
I've been on similar trips to Nicaragua, and the fact that WV could even come close to that level of poverty breaks my heart. 😭
#19
There were a few small things that helped me realise I had it pretty good.
Learning that people waited until the last possible moment to turn the heating on, and not just having it come on automatically when it was cold.
Realising there were people who had to share rooms with their siblings.
My friend being shocked that my fridge had an ice dispenser and 2 doors.
#20
I was "spoiled" in the sense that I was infantilized. I didn't move out until I was 23. Having to keep up with all my own stuff, including life skills I was never taught, was a smack in the face.
Tams21 10 months ago
Living at home until you're well into your 20s isn't uncommon today and with rents being virtually unaffordable to people in entry level jobs, I don't think it's really bad thing. Where it becomes a problem is when those young people don't contribute to chores and expenses and then get totally overwhelmed when they do get their own place.
#21
When my father died. I suddenly went into protective mode for my mother, and younger siblings. My mom had always been a SAHM and although we had an amazing support system from her family, emotionally I was not equipped for such a loss. My younger brother also switched majors, quit partying and cutting class and started a very successful business. The sense of responsibility was overwhelming.
#22
My father lost his business and all his money while I was a sophomore in high school. Had to move from Mexico City, where my parents were the top 10% to rural South Dakota to live with my grandparents while my parents picked up their lives. Went from having everything I wanted to given to me to "if you want it, you have to earn it".
I learned a lot my last 2 years of high school. How to shovel pig s**t for one (that smell doesn't go away quickly). I learned that I'm never too good for hard manual labor. Bought my first car, had to learn how to fix it and make it road worthy. Many nights I would cry myself to sleep at night, get up the next day and push forward and toughen up along the way. Thirty years later, I'm very thankful for those lessons.
#23
My mom got seriously ill in cancer and ended up in the ICU for five months. I had to get my s**t together real quick now that she couldn’t fix my messes anymore.
#24
Seeing my friends and in-laws struggle to afford extracurriculars for their kids. Growing up in a high-income area, everyone I knew (myself and my siblings included) participated in activities like Girl Scouts, dance, gymnastics, soccer, softball, etc. There was never any question of affordability and uniforms and gear were always purchased brand new.
Now I see parents in my age group (early 30s) only being able to afford one, MAYBE two extracurricular activities per year. Girl Scouts, gymnastics, and clubs like the YMCA are too expensive. Dance classes for my niece were gifted as a birthday present and leotards were purchased used from thrift stores. She can't do gymnastics because it's way too expensive.
Definitely made me feel privileged and somewhat ashamed at how I took those opportunities for granted. My partner and his siblings never did anything outside of the included school activities due to their family being tight on money growing up. His siblings with kids want to give their kids more than they had, but it's so expensive.
#25
That you had to pay your debts back and debt was a real, countable thing. I always chalked it up to this imaginary thing that wasn’t a big deal. Oh boy.
AusXan:
I used to think "I don't have any debt, I don't have a credit card, or a car, or a mortgage so I'm debt free!" Then I remembered the govt paid for my uni degrees, and that that debt was indexed at the current rate of 7.10%, meaning I may never pay it off.
#26
I lived a cushy life in a high income area raised by a single mother. We weren’t always well off, but I was too young to remember and was treated very well despite that.
I got a girlfriend who was mixed and from the low-income area around me. My mother hated her and constantly made comments about her. I then realised, “oh, she’s racist and classists, wtf”.
Eventually, my mother hated her so much, I was kicked out of the house and was forced to move in with them. Now I live in a household with some financial issues and pay rent support them. Wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.
DarkViolet 10 months ago
In the same situation, I doubt if your mother would fare as well. Her racism and classism will be a major hindrance for her.
#27
Dad worked in upper management for ExxonMobil. We had a very privileged up bringing. Private international education, trust funds (which i blew threw in two years after high school), if we flew we always travelled first class business, big house, cleaners and maids...you get the picture.
Long story short I was cut off by the time I was 20. I wasn't attending university or college and working some dead-end job with zero prospects. Decided to live internationally, met a woman, married her and she pushed me to find a career. Now we own a house on 3 acres of land in the country side next to a lake in Nova Scotia. And I work a blue collar job in an industrial factory. I love our life and wouldn't trade it for anything.
I love my father and he taught us a valuable lesson. Privilege is earned, not given. Work hard, live hard, love hard.
#28
Moving away from Seattle for the first time. I grew up feeling embarrassed because we lived in a "modest" house ($2m), compared to the >$10m mansions my friends lived in. At one point after a date I had them drop me off down the street and I walked home because I didn't want them to see my house. A literal $2m house. Moving out of that bubble/buying a house of my own really smacked me in the face with reality of how most people live and now looking back I can't help but laugh a little at the ridiculousness of it all.
Just-4-2day 10 months ago
So many of these parents did their children a huge disservice by not teaching them real life lessons. How to cook, how to clean, how to do laundry, how to make and follow a budget. The children need to learn that actions have consequences. The sooner they are taught, the better their lives will truly be.
#29
When I discovered things like electricity and water come with monthly bills.
2Board_:
That hit me when I got to college and did off-campus apt living with some friends. I had zero understanding that I had to pay for water... You can imagine my confusion even more when I had to put in $1.25 for the washing machines every week... First thought I had was "who tf carries around loose change?" Now I have a little coin separator thingy in my car at all times and keep about $5 of loose change in it just in case!
BannedFromABoatShow 10 months ago
When I was in college, ‘97-‘01, quarters were worshipped as gods. Parking meters, washing machines, vending machines only took quarters.
#30
Sometime when I was a teenager, I realized my experiences growing up was not like other kids. Some of my friends said I was rich and I honestly didn’t see it at the time. I thought my parents house was average, but it wasn’t.
Living in my own in one of the most expensive cities in the planet was a baptism by fire. You learn very quick where your dollar should go and where it shouldn’t.
Lunaofthenest (She/they) 10 months ago
At least you learned! I grew up 45 minutes North of Seattle where all the Boeing & Microsoft families lived in the 80s & 90s. My dad owned a small trucking company so while we had a cute little house on a full acre & 2 slightly used cars, my friends all lived in McMansions on at least as much property. I was so insecure and now I'm so grateful that house remains in my family. Home is who you're with and what you love, the structure you do it in is just a bonus. Really, I'm grateful I had a house growing up at all, that in itself is a privilege.
#31
Father passed away. He gave me everything I needed and wanted. Instead of an inheritance, I received all his lawsuits and debts. All of a sudden I had to grow up… It took me years.
Glasofruix 10 months ago
Depends on the country, in most european countries you inherit ALL of the estate, debts included. This is why usually people do an inventory of sorts before they accept anything.
#32
Joining the workforce. Very first day of my first job I was like "Oh s**t, this is what everyone was complaining about."
Doesanybodylikestuff:
Omg I know. I was flabbergasted when I got my first full paycheck & had nothing leftover paying off my car, phone, insurance, credit card & medical insurance payments. I was like wtf mom how do you guys afford groceries, 2 cars and all this big house!!!
Nimues Child 10 months ago (edited)
My first year out of school, I was a teacher. My take-home pay was $238.40 every two weeks. It made learning how to budget nearly impossible. I just lurched from bill to bill.
#33
As my daughter got older, I realized my financial illiteracy was a real hindrance in life, coupled with the fact my parents never instilled any sort of work ethic in me as a teenager. My daughter will be getting a part-time summer job when she turns 14 and will need to contribute a portion to her savings account. When she starts driving, she'll need to contribute to her insurance/gas costs.
Cat Chat 10 months ago
My daughter isn't spoiled, but she just got a lesson on the "a deal is a deal" when she made a deal to borrow some chore allowance from her sister. She decided she didn't want to pay her back and got upset when I took her sister's side. When she asked why, I told her it was my job as parent to prepare her for the adult world, and in that, money deals stick. Better to learn the first time it's done at 12 rather than an adult and stuck with real debt.
#34
My dad read the book “Tough Love” and took it very seriously after I had two unsuccessful attempts at different colleges. Had to move out at 19 and it was challenging to say the least. Honestly I look back and think, I wasn’t a bad kid, just didn’t know what I wanted to do. I would never do the same to my kids, even though looking back I’m able to appreciate it as it made me stronger. (And earned my bachelors at 25) My brother and sister both stayed pretty sheltered and it still drives me nuts sometimes and we are in our 50s now!
Lunaofthenest (She/they) 10 months ago
This wouldn't even work the same today- you'd very likely have your child end up homeless or living with some really shady people just to make their 3k rent in a mediocre 2-3 bedroom apartment. I'm glad you landed on your feet but would not do that to my kids, today.
#35
I did not grow up rich, but I was decidedly middle class. My wife grew up poor.
I remember a blowup once when I mentioned that I had randomly bought lunch for myself when I was out for a personal errand. My wife was *in tears* when I got home, asking how I could have spent that money randomly without checking in first with the family budget.
That was my first reality check, that even a middle-class lifestyle could be unobtainably rich for so many people.
Now, a couple of decades and one oil-company inheritance later, my wife and I make absolutely sure we don't live beyond the means of our younger selves.
What do you think ?
COCO puff 10 months ago
In my country the legal kids receive part of the estate no matter what, and I think is fair like that. Its their kids no matter what, they created/educated them
firecrackershrimp 10 months ago
The "legal" kids?...so the ones that are fathered elsewhere get nothing? Seems fair like that to you? Because you're one of the legal ones? You father a kid you're responsible no matter what.
Load More Replies... COCO puff 10 months ago
In my country the legal kids receive part of the estate no matter what, and I think is fair like that. Its their kids no matter what, they created/educated them
firecrackershrimp 10 months ago
The "legal" kids?...so the ones that are fathered elsewhere get nothing? Seems fair like that to you? Because you're one of the legal ones? You father a kid you're responsible no matter what.
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