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Mom Forces Son To Apologize For Racist Joke To Chinese Delivery Guy Who Already Had It Rough, Dad Doesn’t Like The Punishment
I once stumbled upon an idea by a dad who said that we ought not to view kids as children, but rather as “humans in progress.” And as such, of course they will need to be taught certain things as they grow.
And while there are a slew of methods for teaching kids life lessons, not everyone necessarily agrees on them, especially when said lessons come in the form of punishments.
This 39-year-old mother of two shared a story of how she turned her son’s incredibly racist anecdote into a serious life lesson. Unfortunately, the dad was not too supportive of the punishment, as it “didn’t fit the crime,” prompting a Reddit post for the internet to decide who was wrong here.
More info: Reddit
While parenting is a worthwhile experience, it does come with its challenges, like when you have to teach your kids hard social life lessons
Image credits: byronv2
So, Reddit user u/SnooPaintings9288 approached the r/AmITheA-Hole community with a short story of how she punished her son for an insensitive racist joke and how the dad ended up getting into an argument with her for said punishment.
But, let’s rewind. The family has a cat that loves having a go at their take-out food. It just so happened that they ordered some Chinese food and the courier had just arrived. This was the cue for the daughter to pick up the cat and carry it upstairs.
This mother went to Reddit to figure out if she was harsh with her punishment of her son who said a racist joke
As she was doing so, the Reddit user, i.e. the mother, was at the door, accepting the order. During that time, the 13-year-old son decided to loudly say “make sure [to] hide the cat from the Chinese guy.” Both mom and the courier heard it very clearly, and she saw just how upset the courier got because of it.
One apology later, the mom stormed over to the son, who refused to accept that his joke was extremely insensitive towards the courier. She ended up forcing him to do some atoning in the form of a sincere apology to the delivery guy, and to write a one-page paper on Chinese culture as well as how jokes like his perpetuate racism.
The next day, she took him to the restaurant and had him read the apology. The courier appreciated the gesture and shared some stories of what he goes through as a courier on a daily basis.
Well, later that night, mom and dad got into an argument regarding the punishment. In his eyes, it seemed too much as it was hella embarrassing for the son and that it was “just a joke,” making the mom think she may have overreacted. Hence the post on Reddit.
Image credits: u/SnooPaintings9288
However, the internet was not having any of it—even if it was a joke, comments like that still humiliate and demean not just one person, but an entire group of people. People agreed that the punishment did in fact fit the crime, and should have been extended to the dad too, which some speculated is the reason the son said something like that in the first place.
In any case, the story got quite a bit of attention, garnering nearly 53,000 user upvotes and getting over 200 Reddit awards with 2,600 people voicing their opinion on the matter.
People online showed support, not only cause they thought the punishment fit the crime, but also because it taught a lesson
You can read through the entire post as well as all 2,600 comments if you’re that kind of a person here. But before you go, tell us your thoughts and what you would have done in the comment section below!
What do you think ?
Ryan-James O'Driscoll 3 years ago
If "it's just a joke" then why didn't the driver find it funny. Racists always try to excuse themselves with that wafer thin justification.
A.R Is Confused 3 years ago
It’s like I always say. It’s not a joke unless the person finds it funny. (sexist jokes, racist jokes, homophobic jokes etc.)
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Stille20 3 years ago
"Just a joke", well I guess we get where the son learned it. I'm against "shaming" children, but apologizing for wrong doing is teaching them and the son got to hear from the person about their perspective.
Catherine Kane 3 years ago
child should be embarassed. what he did was shameful
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Steffen Rehm 3 years ago
Racism is always learned, so you have to break it as soon as possible, or it will stick maybe forever in its head. (i wrote maybe because, some people learn later one, but its more likely, the don't. )
Brandy Grote 3 years ago
Mouth filters don't work well on young teens. All the more reason to train him to think before he speaks - and then think again. Kid will remember this - which is the POINT of punishments!
Honu 3 years ago
Yes. And I think this punishment was appropriately structured to address his mouth filter problem and the thinking behind what he said. Sure, you can learn to not say racist things out loud. However, he also needs to learn some basic empathy, to look at people as individuals worthy of dignity and respect, and to question stereotypes and generalizations he encounters about other cultures. Learning to not act racist is one thing. Learning to not be racist is another.
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Don't Look 3 years ago
I got worse news for you than worrying about your punishment being too harsh. Your husband is going to teach your son that he is superior and to be racist. And there is no way to undo that unless you and he agree together that racism is taught (particularly at home) and you and he are going to have to put on a united front to stop it.
Shane S 3 years ago (edited)
I thought the excess punishment was going to be the essay. I’m shocked the dad thought the in-person apology was too far. These actions absolutely warranted an apology. However, writing the essay, and reading the apology letter may be a bit much. You’re kinda making the delivery guy do some of the parenting. Personally, I have social anxiety. I don’t want to stand there awkwardly while some random kid reads me a letter and essay. Say you’re sorry and mean it, and let’s move on. However, action needed to be taken regardless.
Vivian Ashe 3 years ago
I get your point about the social anxiety. For a lot of people it would have been extremely uncomfortable to stand there and listen to some kid's reluctant, forced apology and accept it with grace. But you really have to give the guy credit for engaging with the kid. He obviously realized it was an opportunity to maybe make a difference.
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Azure Adams 3 years ago
Good on you mama!! Your husband needs to be served a harsh lesson for condoning this behavior even if it is covert. Also if you think there is friend influence, don't tell the kid he can't be friends with this person, just forbid this friend from the house or your son going over to his house. Maybe talk with this kids folks, if the folks are total d***s then evaluate a full ban. Ooh let the kids school know they need to do more lessons on tolerance, racism, and that business.
Dorothy Parker 3 years ago
So called jokes that I used to find funny are now mortifying. Mom is NTA.
Samantha Lomb 3 years ago
Any time someone says "its just a joke" when they say something racist, misogynist, homophobic ect means THEY are the asshole and are now defensive at being called on it
KK 3 years ago
I am Chinese. I volunteer my time to listen to people vent anonymously. During the pandemic, I've received some racist comments online just for being who I am and I have been stereotyped in real life, too. The husband here needs a lesson, too.
JayWantsACat 3 years ago
"It's just a joke". So, what's the joke then? Oh, it's just a racist asshole comment?
bryguy 3 years ago
Ever notice every shitty human on earth always says "its just a joke!" when people get upset over a stupid comment? If something is a joke we are all going to find it funny. Insulting culture, ethnicity, physical appearance, mental illness etc is not a joke, its not funny to anyone, its stupid and you sound like an idiot. End rant...
Donkey boi 3 years ago
My only issue is 'Forced... to write an sincere apology', It's not sincere if it's forced. Also making him read it aloud will only breed contempt if he hasn't understood/learnt from the mistake. The 2 papers were a good idea, I going to assume [the mum] read them to make sure the message got across.
debrina blackmoon 3 years ago (edited)
The only thing he's sorry for is getting caught/punished.
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Persp Gold 3 years ago
Its ok to punish children. It actually might do them good. Can we stop questioning this
⚞ Katniss Everdeen ⚟ 3 years ago
As an Asian person who deals with these kinds of "jokes" on the regular, the mom did exactly the right thing.
WholesomeArmyweeb 3 years ago
“It’s just a joke” doesn’t make it acceptable. What if that same person mocked your culture or made racist comments, hm? Just bc it is a “joke”does NOT justify nor condone it, and it’s probably the fathers fault that the child made the comment in the first place
Nicely 3 years ago
When I'd just turned five, I stole a bag of chocolate buttons from a shop on the way home from school. I thought I was so clever. When my mum found out, which she did fairly quickly because five year olds are dumb, she marched me straight back to the shop to apologise. But it wasn't open so she made me confess and apologise in a different shop! Apparently owned by the same person, although I'd not realised at the time. Anyway, that was distressingly close to 40 years ago and is still utterly burned in my memory, it was a very effective lesson.
Daniel Marsh 3 years ago
Creative, just and reparative punishment. A+ for parenting from me. Too harsh? How?
AspieGirl88 3 years ago
The fact that the boy waited until the delivery guy was giving them their food to say that makes a huge difference, as it shows he wanted to see the reaction; an attitude that should be nipped in the bud ASAP! It stopped being a joke when the Chinese delivery guy heard what the kid said & his feelings were deeply hurt. The father is definitely in the wrong about that. Racism is NEVER something that should be rubbed in people’s faces! 🤨🙅♀️
Colleen Cassidy 3 years ago
If just a joke he would have no problem explaining to the driver why it is soooooooo funny
Monica Sargent 3 years ago
I'm relieve to know that there are other parents out there that are willing to teach their children, even when it's tough.
zovjraar me 3 years ago
perfect punishment. learning about the culture he insulted, learning why and how racism is propagated, and having to apologize in person. this is exactly how it should be done.
Michael Se 3 years ago
The people who say "it's just a joke" never seem to be able to take the joke when they are the punchline.
Alphabet Soupy 3 years ago
Apologizing after a racist comment is embarrassing??? Hello, toxic masculinity! You’re gonna be a bitter old fart for the rest of your cholesterol-laden life. Good luck with the lifelong rage! Ughhhhh
Dan Farish 3 years ago
Watched a 1967 documentary last night. 3 Bible salesmen cracking racist jokes. One was trying to hard sell a Spanish American woman and telling her how fiery tempered the Spanish women are, in an effort to bond with her and make the sale. His way of saying I understand your culture. My, how times have changed. Most people just think racist these days, but know to keep their mouths shut. Most.
Emiri-chan 2 years ago
Let me add in my voice as a half Chinese person. I don't have much to add. But in my opinion, a simple sincere apology letter should be enough.
Katey 3 years ago
I think her punishment was perfect. My mom had similar punishments, not for the same scenario I was too afraid of hurting people's feelings to make such remarks, but because I took terrible care of my diabetes as a child. I more than once had to write papers on the consequences of poor care with my disease and read it to my dad, or I'd have bto he the one to tell him my latest a1c and answer his questions on why I didn't take care of myself (angsty teen who was a daddy's girl, it was the only thing that got a reaction beyond "whatever, I don't care"). The idea is reflection and education on just what was done was wrong. She didn't beat him for his insensitive and terrible remark, she made him reflect on it through the assignment, and take accountability by making him read it to the poor man that had to endure the comment.
thepinkrobot 3 years ago
Jokes should punch up not down. And racism is never excusable. That husband tho ew
Joseph Georgiadis 3 years ago
Lost all meaning of a joke: A joke will always "offend" someone. Doesn't mean it's racist/sexist/what ever. It's supposed to be funny. Stereotypes support the essence of a joke: You couldn't have blonde jokes without the stereotype. Blondes aren't stupid, of cource, I guess their stupidity levels are the same as any other hair color. BUT: Blondes trying to fit (just) the image of a sex bomb are generally thought to be stupid enough for a stereotype. And actuall, that's where the blonde jokes began. Back in the 80s. Don't claim that some of today's celebrities don't fall into that category...
Blue Cicada 3 years ago
I understand the mother's intent with requiring the child to do research and write two papers. However, as a high school teacher who works with struggling students, I am always torn about assigning research or writing as punishment. Writing the apology is the correct thing to do, to balance for his unacceptable comments. Perhaps requiring research and a discussion (a written paper if the child prefers), could be followed with a reward for completing the assignment. He's doing the research because of his poor comment, It is opportunity for him to learn and grow, not a punishment for him. The reward for his expanding his knowledge, and proving that he has expanded it, is an ice cream sundae, a new game, something notable but not extremely expensive.
Blue Cicada 3 years ago
100% support the handwritten (or typed) apology. The child was not shamed, as he was not forced to air his misdeeds in public in front of strangers, people who knew nothing of his egregious behavior. He was literally required to apologize to the actual person who he offended. Which is what grown-ups do. Apologizing is what people with high moral standards do. At least one religion, Judaism, has an entire day dedicated to people apologizing to those who they have wronged the previous year.
The Frenchiest Fry 3 years ago
Unless the son was saying to hide the cat because the cat tries to eat the food, punishment absolutely fits.
RatherLoopy 3 years ago (edited)
When I was a teenager and before I was old enough to drive, I had a bad habit of sneaking out at night to hunt for cars I could take joyriding. I never trashed them and usually returned them... I just loved driving! Well, I got caught once and it turned out the car belonged to a barber in a nearby shop... which is exactly where my mom took me for a haircut a few days later, and where I took a lot of well-deserved crap from the barber and his associate barbers. That was a super humiliating experience and I don't think I learned any lesson beyond "don't get caught again," but I still have a ton of respect for what my mom tried to do for me that time.
Vivian Ashe 3 years ago
I would have also not allowed the son to share in any of the Chinese food. I'm sure they probably had some nice American cold cereal in the pantry. And I'd be concerned about what kind of influence the father is, and what kind of punishment he thought would "fit the crime."
deanna woods 3 years ago
This mom is definitely NTA. The essay was a bit much, but not the apology. Her son owed that delivery driver an apology. Comments about someone's race or culture is not and never will be a joke. According to the mother, the driver didn't fall over laughing so apparently they didn't find the joke funny.
debrina blackmoon 3 years ago
YES-OP is DEFINITELY NTA, dad/son both RACIST ASSHOLES! Poor delivery man!!!
D. Pitbull 3 years ago
The dad sounds like a 'real gem' of a human. The commenter who noted that this is how systemic racism perpetuates is exactly right. Humans... we're very complex. Everything is context. Do I say dumb sh** that sounds super racist about East Asians (I am Chinese, btw, put the rocks down.)? Yeah, sure I do... in the context of saying it only with people who are my close friends who know me VERY WELL and thus know I'm just being a sarcastic dork when I'm saying it and that it's more me being ironic about certain stereotypes... not that I or they think it's a "truth". Wanna bet the dad would get into a frothing rage if you said some stereotype-myth joke about his ethnic background?
Bernd Herbert 3 years ago
defintely NTA. It may well have helped the son to get the perspective of the delivery guy. That is called empathy, not the worst of traits.
Jared West 3 years ago
Reminds me of that Alexandre Bissonnette guy. He committed terrorism, yet, they reduced his sentence because it was "too harsh".
CatWoman312 3 years ago
Ughhhhhhhh! So not only is your son a racist you have a sexist husband with a “it was just a joke” mentality. First off your son learned it somewhere, people aren’t born racist and I’m willing to bet your husband is the teacher. I’m not saying get a divorce, but you should certainly open your eyes and question what kind of person your husband is and turning your son into. Definitely NTA.
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
Color and Race. Some people don't have the the sanity to ignore it! Mum did the right thing better than I would have got do you know how much a wooden spoon hurts. Are there any racist jokes against whites?
Diemond Star 3 years ago
I'm sure there are racist jokes against whites!!!
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Lenka Smetanová 3 years ago
I'am against the racism in any way... but.. sometimes we should be more.... well... accepting. I don't know what was there... Was it racist? Was is stereotype or it was really just a joke?.... I mean... we had a tv commercial spot here in Czech Republic about a woman, who came to the chinese restaurant with her pug... and told them "Take care of my Bobyka."... and then while later the chef came there with the food, and proudly said "Bobyka!".... I mean, yeah! its Stereotype... but... it's just a joke! I mean, you need to see the bigger picture. Do I joking about cat meat in my food from vietnameese restaurant? Well... sometimes, yeah... Do I REALLY mean it? NO! I just joking... Sometimes you just need to difference between stupid joke and racism
John Montgomery 3 years ago
It sounds like the kid didn't realize he was making a racist comment. From the text he sounded like he was worried the cat would eat the food. However, I don't think the punishment was too severe. At the very least the apology isn't. It's odd hearing about someone having to write when outside of a school setting, but it's not a bad punishment either.
Cece V 3 years ago
That public apology is dumb and is not necessary. That is really something disproportionate for a bad joke. Yes it's a bad one and it's ok to apologize. But because a stupid teenager makes a stupid joke doesn't mean he's a terrible hateful racist person. Woke culture is so hypocritical anyway. My American friends make a lot of jokes about Italian people because I am Italian and some of them involve mafia and stuff but I find them hilarious and I'm never offended because I know it doesn't come from hate.
Rob Woodman 3 years ago
https://metro.co.uk/2020/01/30/harrowing-footage-shows-dog-yelping-barbecued-alive-street-market-12151916/
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 3 years ago
WHY IS THIS DOWNVOTED?!? YOU ARE SENDING A GOOD MESSAGE, and people think it’s racist?!? Please use an upvote bot! This needs to be heard, save the dogs!
Load More Replies... Rob Woodman 3 years ago
Racist? https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7951691/Horrific-footage-yelping-dog-barbecued-alive-Chinese-market-shared-activists.html
Zenozenobee 3 years ago
Yes racist, you read correctly, when you decide that a whole people, including diaspora, is *name a stereotype* based on a few you read about/met, this is racist.
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debrina blackmoon 3 years ago (edited)
Ok, I hope you don't have kids or never will. I feel sorry for anyone who knows you if they aren't fucktard shitpies as well, you tragic accident waste of atoms. Same goes for others like you.
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 3 years ago
What the-?! It’s not ok to be racist to ANYONE, thank you very much.
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BakuDeku Shipper 3 years ago
Btw, let's test that 'been through it all' theory of yours. Let's say you've been shot indiscriminately, let's say, 5 times before. Well *grabs gun, you've already been through it all so why not shoot you once more? Tell me if that sounds f*****g logical
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 3 years ago
And great. People spammed downvotes. How surprising. Please, If you want to get your message across, don’t demean others opinions and just talk with them! ☺️
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hobbitly 3 years ago
Just cause its normal to eat cats in some cultures, doesn't mean its a funny joke.
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Steven Lu 3 years ago
Ok, there are people having pigs as pets, yet you put bacon in your mouth. HOW DARE YOU!!! Btw, just like the whole pork industry, there are dogs raised to be consumed as food in China, South Korea and some other parts of Asia. But 99.99% of Chinese don't eat dog meat. Please do some research before commenting, thanks.
Load More Replies... Rob Woodman 3 years ago (edited)
So according to you women are too weak and inconsequential to have any input into their children? How incredibly sexist of you. Most of the strongest parents I know are mothers.
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Viviane 3 years ago
I agree with the apology, but not the beating. I understand things were different when and where you grew up. I would appreciate the parent making the child apologize if the child did me wrong. If someone beat their child, I would feel bad for the child and be upset at the parent.
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Logic and Reason 3 years ago (edited)
Hard to imagine a shittier take you could have gone away with. “B-but, they mocked your son behind your back 🥺” The kid said something racist and was forced to apologize and gain adequate perspective on why that’s wrong. Now you should do the same, since taking your negative experience with a race and assuming that everyone of that race expresses that negative behavior is, in fact, racist.
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lazy panda 3 years ago
She was 23 when she had him. Not friggin 12. Jesus.
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Ryan-James O'Driscoll 3 years ago
If "it's just a joke" then why didn't the driver find it funny. Racists always try to excuse themselves with that wafer thin justification.
A.R Is Confused 3 years ago
It’s like I always say. It’s not a joke unless the person finds it funny. (sexist jokes, racist jokes, homophobic jokes etc.)
Load More Replies... Stille20 3 years ago
"Just a joke", well I guess we get where the son learned it. I'm against "shaming" children, but apologizing for wrong doing is teaching them and the son got to hear from the person about their perspective.
Catherine Kane 3 years ago
child should be embarassed. what he did was shameful
Load More Replies... Steffen Rehm 3 years ago
Racism is always learned, so you have to break it as soon as possible, or it will stick maybe forever in its head. (i wrote maybe because, some people learn later one, but its more likely, the don't. )
Brandy Grote 3 years ago
Mouth filters don't work well on young teens. All the more reason to train him to think before he speaks - and then think again. Kid will remember this - which is the POINT of punishments!
Honu 3 years ago
Yes. And I think this punishment was appropriately structured to address his mouth filter problem and the thinking behind what he said. Sure, you can learn to not say racist things out loud. However, he also needs to learn some basic empathy, to look at people as individuals worthy of dignity and respect, and to question stereotypes and generalizations he encounters about other cultures. Learning to not act racist is one thing. Learning to not be racist is another.
Load More Replies... Don't Look 3 years ago
I got worse news for you than worrying about your punishment being too harsh. Your husband is going to teach your son that he is superior and to be racist. And there is no way to undo that unless you and he agree together that racism is taught (particularly at home) and you and he are going to have to put on a united front to stop it.
Shane S 3 years ago (edited)
I thought the excess punishment was going to be the essay. I’m shocked the dad thought the in-person apology was too far. These actions absolutely warranted an apology. However, writing the essay, and reading the apology letter may be a bit much. You’re kinda making the delivery guy do some of the parenting. Personally, I have social anxiety. I don’t want to stand there awkwardly while some random kid reads me a letter and essay. Say you’re sorry and mean it, and let’s move on. However, action needed to be taken regardless.
Vivian Ashe 3 years ago
I get your point about the social anxiety. For a lot of people it would have been extremely uncomfortable to stand there and listen to some kid's reluctant, forced apology and accept it with grace. But you really have to give the guy credit for engaging with the kid. He obviously realized it was an opportunity to maybe make a difference.
Load More Replies... Azure Adams 3 years ago
Good on you mama!! Your husband needs to be served a harsh lesson for condoning this behavior even if it is covert. Also if you think there is friend influence, don't tell the kid he can't be friends with this person, just forbid this friend from the house or your son going over to his house. Maybe talk with this kids folks, if the folks are total d***s then evaluate a full ban. Ooh let the kids school know they need to do more lessons on tolerance, racism, and that business.
Dorothy Parker 3 years ago
So called jokes that I used to find funny are now mortifying. Mom is NTA.
Samantha Lomb 3 years ago
Any time someone says "its just a joke" when they say something racist, misogynist, homophobic ect means THEY are the asshole and are now defensive at being called on it
KK 3 years ago
I am Chinese. I volunteer my time to listen to people vent anonymously. During the pandemic, I've received some racist comments online just for being who I am and I have been stereotyped in real life, too. The husband here needs a lesson, too.
JayWantsACat 3 years ago
"It's just a joke". So, what's the joke then? Oh, it's just a racist asshole comment?
bryguy 3 years ago
Ever notice every shitty human on earth always says "its just a joke!" when people get upset over a stupid comment? If something is a joke we are all going to find it funny. Insulting culture, ethnicity, physical appearance, mental illness etc is not a joke, its not funny to anyone, its stupid and you sound like an idiot. End rant...
Donkey boi 3 years ago
My only issue is 'Forced... to write an sincere apology', It's not sincere if it's forced. Also making him read it aloud will only breed contempt if he hasn't understood/learnt from the mistake. The 2 papers were a good idea, I going to assume [the mum] read them to make sure the message got across.
debrina blackmoon 3 years ago (edited)
The only thing he's sorry for is getting caught/punished.
Load More Replies... Persp Gold 3 years ago
Its ok to punish children. It actually might do them good. Can we stop questioning this
⚞ Katniss Everdeen ⚟ 3 years ago
As an Asian person who deals with these kinds of "jokes" on the regular, the mom did exactly the right thing.
WholesomeArmyweeb 3 years ago
“It’s just a joke” doesn’t make it acceptable. What if that same person mocked your culture or made racist comments, hm? Just bc it is a “joke”does NOT justify nor condone it, and it’s probably the fathers fault that the child made the comment in the first place
Nicely 3 years ago
When I'd just turned five, I stole a bag of chocolate buttons from a shop on the way home from school. I thought I was so clever. When my mum found out, which she did fairly quickly because five year olds are dumb, she marched me straight back to the shop to apologise. But it wasn't open so she made me confess and apologise in a different shop! Apparently owned by the same person, although I'd not realised at the time. Anyway, that was distressingly close to 40 years ago and is still utterly burned in my memory, it was a very effective lesson.
Daniel Marsh 3 years ago
Creative, just and reparative punishment. A+ for parenting from me. Too harsh? How?
AspieGirl88 3 years ago
The fact that the boy waited until the delivery guy was giving them their food to say that makes a huge difference, as it shows he wanted to see the reaction; an attitude that should be nipped in the bud ASAP! It stopped being a joke when the Chinese delivery guy heard what the kid said & his feelings were deeply hurt. The father is definitely in the wrong about that. Racism is NEVER something that should be rubbed in people’s faces! 🤨🙅♀️
Colleen Cassidy 3 years ago
If just a joke he would have no problem explaining to the driver why it is soooooooo funny
Monica Sargent 3 years ago
I'm relieve to know that there are other parents out there that are willing to teach their children, even when it's tough.
zovjraar me 3 years ago
perfect punishment. learning about the culture he insulted, learning why and how racism is propagated, and having to apologize in person. this is exactly how it should be done.
Michael Se 3 years ago
The people who say "it's just a joke" never seem to be able to take the joke when they are the punchline.
Alphabet Soupy 3 years ago
Apologizing after a racist comment is embarrassing??? Hello, toxic masculinity! You’re gonna be a bitter old fart for the rest of your cholesterol-laden life. Good luck with the lifelong rage! Ughhhhh
Dan Farish 3 years ago
Watched a 1967 documentary last night. 3 Bible salesmen cracking racist jokes. One was trying to hard sell a Spanish American woman and telling her how fiery tempered the Spanish women are, in an effort to bond with her and make the sale. His way of saying I understand your culture. My, how times have changed. Most people just think racist these days, but know to keep their mouths shut. Most.
Emiri-chan 2 years ago
Let me add in my voice as a half Chinese person. I don't have much to add. But in my opinion, a simple sincere apology letter should be enough.
Katey 3 years ago
I think her punishment was perfect. My mom had similar punishments, not for the same scenario I was too afraid of hurting people's feelings to make such remarks, but because I took terrible care of my diabetes as a child. I more than once had to write papers on the consequences of poor care with my disease and read it to my dad, or I'd have bto he the one to tell him my latest a1c and answer his questions on why I didn't take care of myself (angsty teen who was a daddy's girl, it was the only thing that got a reaction beyond "whatever, I don't care"). The idea is reflection and education on just what was done was wrong. She didn't beat him for his insensitive and terrible remark, she made him reflect on it through the assignment, and take accountability by making him read it to the poor man that had to endure the comment.
thepinkrobot 3 years ago
Jokes should punch up not down. And racism is never excusable. That husband tho ew
Joseph Georgiadis 3 years ago
Lost all meaning of a joke: A joke will always "offend" someone. Doesn't mean it's racist/sexist/what ever. It's supposed to be funny. Stereotypes support the essence of a joke: You couldn't have blonde jokes without the stereotype. Blondes aren't stupid, of cource, I guess their stupidity levels are the same as any other hair color. BUT: Blondes trying to fit (just) the image of a sex bomb are generally thought to be stupid enough for a stereotype. And actuall, that's where the blonde jokes began. Back in the 80s. Don't claim that some of today's celebrities don't fall into that category...
Blue Cicada 3 years ago
I understand the mother's intent with requiring the child to do research and write two papers. However, as a high school teacher who works with struggling students, I am always torn about assigning research or writing as punishment. Writing the apology is the correct thing to do, to balance for his unacceptable comments. Perhaps requiring research and a discussion (a written paper if the child prefers), could be followed with a reward for completing the assignment. He's doing the research because of his poor comment, It is opportunity for him to learn and grow, not a punishment for him. The reward for his expanding his knowledge, and proving that he has expanded it, is an ice cream sundae, a new game, something notable but not extremely expensive.
Blue Cicada 3 years ago
100% support the handwritten (or typed) apology. The child was not shamed, as he was not forced to air his misdeeds in public in front of strangers, people who knew nothing of his egregious behavior. He was literally required to apologize to the actual person who he offended. Which is what grown-ups do. Apologizing is what people with high moral standards do. At least one religion, Judaism, has an entire day dedicated to people apologizing to those who they have wronged the previous year.
The Frenchiest Fry 3 years ago
Unless the son was saying to hide the cat because the cat tries to eat the food, punishment absolutely fits.
RatherLoopy 3 years ago (edited)
When I was a teenager and before I was old enough to drive, I had a bad habit of sneaking out at night to hunt for cars I could take joyriding. I never trashed them and usually returned them... I just loved driving! Well, I got caught once and it turned out the car belonged to a barber in a nearby shop... which is exactly where my mom took me for a haircut a few days later, and where I took a lot of well-deserved crap from the barber and his associate barbers. That was a super humiliating experience and I don't think I learned any lesson beyond "don't get caught again," but I still have a ton of respect for what my mom tried to do for me that time.
Vivian Ashe 3 years ago
I would have also not allowed the son to share in any of the Chinese food. I'm sure they probably had some nice American cold cereal in the pantry. And I'd be concerned about what kind of influence the father is, and what kind of punishment he thought would "fit the crime."
deanna woods 3 years ago
This mom is definitely NTA. The essay was a bit much, but not the apology. Her son owed that delivery driver an apology. Comments about someone's race or culture is not and never will be a joke. According to the mother, the driver didn't fall over laughing so apparently they didn't find the joke funny.
debrina blackmoon 3 years ago
YES-OP is DEFINITELY NTA, dad/son both RACIST ASSHOLES! Poor delivery man!!!
D. Pitbull 3 years ago
The dad sounds like a 'real gem' of a human. The commenter who noted that this is how systemic racism perpetuates is exactly right. Humans... we're very complex. Everything is context. Do I say dumb sh** that sounds super racist about East Asians (I am Chinese, btw, put the rocks down.)? Yeah, sure I do... in the context of saying it only with people who are my close friends who know me VERY WELL and thus know I'm just being a sarcastic dork when I'm saying it and that it's more me being ironic about certain stereotypes... not that I or they think it's a "truth". Wanna bet the dad would get into a frothing rage if you said some stereotype-myth joke about his ethnic background?
Bernd Herbert 3 years ago
defintely NTA. It may well have helped the son to get the perspective of the delivery guy. That is called empathy, not the worst of traits.
Jared West 3 years ago
Reminds me of that Alexandre Bissonnette guy. He committed terrorism, yet, they reduced his sentence because it was "too harsh".
CatWoman312 3 years ago
Ughhhhhhhh! So not only is your son a racist you have a sexist husband with a “it was just a joke” mentality. First off your son learned it somewhere, people aren’t born racist and I’m willing to bet your husband is the teacher. I’m not saying get a divorce, but you should certainly open your eyes and question what kind of person your husband is and turning your son into. Definitely NTA.
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
Color and Race. Some people don't have the the sanity to ignore it! Mum did the right thing better than I would have got do you know how much a wooden spoon hurts. Are there any racist jokes against whites?
Diemond Star 3 years ago
I'm sure there are racist jokes against whites!!!
Load More Replies... Lenka Smetanová 3 years ago
I'am against the racism in any way... but.. sometimes we should be more.... well... accepting. I don't know what was there... Was it racist? Was is stereotype or it was really just a joke?.... I mean... we had a tv commercial spot here in Czech Republic about a woman, who came to the chinese restaurant with her pug... and told them "Take care of my Bobyka."... and then while later the chef came there with the food, and proudly said "Bobyka!".... I mean, yeah! its Stereotype... but... it's just a joke! I mean, you need to see the bigger picture. Do I joking about cat meat in my food from vietnameese restaurant? Well... sometimes, yeah... Do I REALLY mean it? NO! I just joking... Sometimes you just need to difference between stupid joke and racism
John Montgomery 3 years ago
It sounds like the kid didn't realize he was making a racist comment. From the text he sounded like he was worried the cat would eat the food. However, I don't think the punishment was too severe. At the very least the apology isn't. It's odd hearing about someone having to write when outside of a school setting, but it's not a bad punishment either.
Cece V 3 years ago
That public apology is dumb and is not necessary. That is really something disproportionate for a bad joke. Yes it's a bad one and it's ok to apologize. But because a stupid teenager makes a stupid joke doesn't mean he's a terrible hateful racist person. Woke culture is so hypocritical anyway. My American friends make a lot of jokes about Italian people because I am Italian and some of them involve mafia and stuff but I find them hilarious and I'm never offended because I know it doesn't come from hate.
Rob Woodman 3 years ago
https://metro.co.uk/2020/01/30/harrowing-footage-shows-dog-yelping-barbecued-alive-street-market-12151916/
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 3 years ago
WHY IS THIS DOWNVOTED?!? YOU ARE SENDING A GOOD MESSAGE, and people think it’s racist?!? Please use an upvote bot! This needs to be heard, save the dogs!
Load More Replies... Rob Woodman 3 years ago
Racist? https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7951691/Horrific-footage-yelping-dog-barbecued-alive-Chinese-market-shared-activists.html
Zenozenobee 3 years ago
Yes racist, you read correctly, when you decide that a whole people, including diaspora, is *name a stereotype* based on a few you read about/met, this is racist.
Load More Replies... debrina blackmoon 3 years ago (edited)
Ok, I hope you don't have kids or never will. I feel sorry for anyone who knows you if they aren't fucktard shitpies as well, you tragic accident waste of atoms. Same goes for others like you.
Load More Replies... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 3 years ago
What the-?! It’s not ok to be racist to ANYONE, thank you very much.
Load More Replies... BakuDeku Shipper 3 years ago
Btw, let's test that 'been through it all' theory of yours. Let's say you've been shot indiscriminately, let's say, 5 times before. Well *grabs gun, you've already been through it all so why not shoot you once more? Tell me if that sounds f*****g logical
Load More Replies... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 3 years ago
And great. People spammed downvotes. How surprising. Please, If you want to get your message across, don’t demean others opinions and just talk with them! ☺️
Load More Replies... hobbitly 3 years ago
Just cause its normal to eat cats in some cultures, doesn't mean its a funny joke.
Load More Replies... Steven Lu 3 years ago
Ok, there are people having pigs as pets, yet you put bacon in your mouth. HOW DARE YOU!!! Btw, just like the whole pork industry, there are dogs raised to be consumed as food in China, South Korea and some other parts of Asia. But 99.99% of Chinese don't eat dog meat. Please do some research before commenting, thanks.
Load More Replies... Rob Woodman 3 years ago (edited)
So according to you women are too weak and inconsequential to have any input into their children? How incredibly sexist of you. Most of the strongest parents I know are mothers.
Load More Replies... Viviane 3 years ago
I agree with the apology, but not the beating. I understand things were different when and where you grew up. I would appreciate the parent making the child apologize if the child did me wrong. If someone beat their child, I would feel bad for the child and be upset at the parent.
Load More Replies... Logic and Reason 3 years ago (edited)
Hard to imagine a shittier take you could have gone away with. “B-but, they mocked your son behind your back 🥺” The kid said something racist and was forced to apologize and gain adequate perspective on why that’s wrong. Now you should do the same, since taking your negative experience with a race and assuming that everyone of that race expresses that negative behavior is, in fact, racist.
Load More Replies... lazy panda 3 years ago
She was 23 when she had him. Not friggin 12. Jesus.
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