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Social norms are the unwritten rules that determine what is acceptable within a community and what is not.
Usually, they are those things we all just "know" to be true, and that are either rewarded or punished by members of that community.
From the way we form a line at a grocery store to the way we look for a partner, they govern both the small details of daily interactions and the major decisions that shape our lives.
But not everyone accepts these customs without question. In fact, some people feel certain conventions are baffling or even absurd. Recently, a post on r/AskReddit invited platform users to share a common social norm that they secretly find ridiculous, and the responses sparked an interesting discussion. Continue scrolling to check out the most popular entries.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Gender reveals. What a grandiose waste of money, time and resources.
Seaworthiness14 replied:
And really, most people don’t care about the sex of somebody’s baby; they just want it to be healthy.
To learn more about social norms, we contacted Dr. Joseph E. Davis, research professor of sociology and chair of the Picturing the Human working group at the Institute for Advanced Studies in Culture at the University of Virginia.
"Social norms ... make society possible," he told Bored Panda. "We couldn’t have social interaction and order without them. We would simply have no idea what to do in each other’s presence."
"As the sociologist Robert Nisbet wrote in The Social Bond, they 'are solutions to recurring problems or situations.' Think of something as simple as turn-taking in a conversation. That’s a norm, and it’s not hard to see how, without it, a conversation would be impossible. Norms are also enforced by social sanctions, either positive, in the form of rewards for compliance, or negative, in the form of penalties for violations, such as disapproval, ridicule, or avoidance. We are likely to get annoyed by the person who talks too much, talks over us, or doesn’t say anything when we are trying to have a conversation."
RELATED:
#2
Over the top weddings. What an incredible waste of money.
merc0526 replied:
It seems absolutely wild to me that people who may not have enough for a house deposit are okay with spending lots of money on a wedding. Hell, even if I owned a house, I’d rather spend the wedding money on traveling around the world.
#3
Job adverts posted without information on the salary. Are we really pretending as if the money isn’t a big factor as to why I’m applying?
Author of Chemically Imbalanced: Everyday Suffering, Medication, and Our Troubled Quest for Self-Mastery, Davis said it's hard to talk about which people are better or worse at following social norms in a vacuum, but "some part certainly has to do with one’s upbringing. There are norms, like carrying yourself with ‘ease,’ that are better performed if you grow up learning how to do it. Or think of what used to be taught in ‘finishing school.’ Or how you are likely to perform better in school if your house is full of books."
"But many factors play a role in conformity—the rewards available, coercion, different personalities, role models, the nature of the social group, and so on. And we should remember that all normal social members adapt their behavior to others and even the ‘deviants’ are conforming to some consensus—delinquent group, gang, cliques—though it might be at odds with the dominant culture."
#4
Scheduling workplace events outside of normal working hours. If you want me to attend, pay me for it.
#5
Humoring rude or pushy people.
If a stranger asks me weird questions or tries persistently to make small talk, I'm forced to make at least a couple of polite, inconspicuous attempts to extricate myself without calling them out, just to save THEIR face.
Dude, I nodded, smiled blandly, and turned away *twice*. I put earphones in. Why are you still trying to make eye contact and force me to take them out again by talking at me? Elderly people are very good at this. Sometimes better than pushy men.
I want permission to directly tell someone, "I don't want to talk" straight away, without being labeled rude and b****y.
Jeolas1 2 months ago (edited)
I wish I could upvote this several times! This is so closely connected with the outrageous behaviour of bullies being tolerated endlessly, while the people who are consistently kind and polite are judged much more harshly for the tiniest imperfection or misstep. (This happens in all areas of live; family, school, work, POLITICS (cough cough US cough).
According to Davis, there is no one answer to the question of when social norms die out, either. However, “technological changes are often implicated in the attenuation of shared customs and forms of life.”
“The great sociologist Emile Durkheim, for example, witnessing the effects of the Industrial Revolution, found that the rapid urbanization undermined the guidance of established norms and legal/moral guardrails that people living in rural areas had previously relied upon. It left them feeling unmoored and dissatisfied, a state of being he called ‘anomie,’ or normless.”
“When the ‘recurring problems or situations’ change, to use Nisbet’s words again, we need different ‘solutions.’ As we live in a time of profound and relentless social change, so many of the ‘folkways’ and moral norms of earlier times, in everything from etiquette to sexuality, have been heavily revised or eliminated,” Davis explained.
#6
Not just letting kids be weird. My son used to wear the weirdest stuff and if we were going out I’d be like ‘Go for it! You’re six, live it up!” I do believe in making them behave, though.
Rocket Surgeon 2 months ago
The best kids in the grocery store are the ones in a dress over jeans and a unicorn hoodie.
#7
Posting your entire life online.
MizzyvonMuffling replied:
…plus airing dirty laundry/family feuds online.
Interestingly, a 2024 paper by UC Santa Cruz psychologists Phil Hammack and Adriana Manago summarizes decades of research showing how social media has also fueled an explosion of diversity in gender and sexuality in 21st-century America while enabling a cultural backlash at the same time.
The paper argues that platforms like Tumblr and TikTok have facilitated new cultural norms, enabling individuals to explore gender and sexuality more openly by removing geographic barriers and reversing the traditional flow of information. The authors suggest that existing diversity is now coming to light due to social media's promotion of authenticity. Social media has also helped normalize identities such as pansexuality, bisexuality, and asexuality by fostering acceptance of non-traditional relationships like consensual non-monogamy.
However, reactionary forces have also used social media to spread transphobic, homophobic, and misogynistic ideologies, such as "incel" culture.
#8
Paying thousands for destination bachelorette/bachelor parties.
DennyS (denzoren) 2 months ago
Wow, I didn't even know this was a thing. This is ridiculously wasteful.
#9
Spending money to flex. Like why the f**k do I care if random people think I'm rich.
Nutzori replied:
'Why would I buy a $1,500 phone when my current phone does all the same things at 1/10th the price?' 'Broke talk, LMAO.' Bruh, no, I am specifically not broke because I have an extra $1,500 from not spending it on that dumb fucking phone, LOL.
#10
Wearing brand name clothing. As long as you have nice clean clothes on I don’t care what brand they are.
GirlFriday 2 months ago
I am in a wedding in 3 weeks and I bought my bridesmaid dress at the dry cleaner's sale for $6. AND IT HAS POCKETS!!!!
“Our dominant value system, individualism, is a social value system. That means that, despite the talk of ‘the only rule is that there are no rules,’ we live under a regime of social norms,” Davis added.
“Our new norms are more personalized, complex, and demanding, more oriented to the future and to personal possibilities than the old, more community-oriented norms. So woven into our very concept of freedom, we don’t think of values like expressing our unique self, setting our own priorities, overcoming obstacles, and making our mark as requirements.”
“These are desires we have for ourselves, routes to achievement and happiness. We think of them as facilitating selfhood, not making demands on it or mediating our social relationships. But counterintuitive as it might sound, our self-determination is not just a personal aspiration but also a normative responsibility.”
#11
Tipping. Thank God I live in Europe.
Adam Chang 2 months ago (edited)
Worse is tipping on percentage. Why? Expensive food weighs more?
#12
That the rich can be immune to the consequences of their actions.
#13
Asking people when they're "finally going to have kids".
Juliet Ware 2 months ago
100% agree. My husband and I never wanted kids. People always give us the ' I'm sorry' look when we say we don't have them. I now no longer feel an explanation is needed when asked though.
“‘One might say,’ in the words of one social theorist, that ‘it is no longer allowed not to do the possible, not to live up to one’s potential, not to realize one’s true self.’ Everyone is obliged, says another, to ‘become themselves,’ ’personally flower,’ and be ‘exceptional.’ Now the key question is not ‘what am I allowed to do?’ but ‘what am I capable of?’”
Davis pointed out that “there is much about our contemporary experience that will seem strange and contradictory” if we don’t understand that, paradoxically, “our autonomy is also a question of conformity to social standards.”
#14
Daylight Saving Time.
#15
Insurance companies thinking they know better than doctors about our health needs. I want to see that system crumble and disappear before the end of my life. Probably won't happen, but I still want it.
MissusNilesCrane replied:
Doctor: My patient needs prior authorization for X medication because generic isn't effective.
Pharmacy: The doctor says his patient needs name-brand medication for his patient.
Insurance: Does she really, though? Better check with the doctor.
The story of my life.
#16
Health insurance. You pay plenty for it. Yet you also pay a ridiculous amount if you have any sort of major health problem. What’s the point? The whole system is completely broken.
#17
Bridezillas and special “requests” for weddings. No one should be expected to give you thousands of dollars Susan just because you’re getting married.
Expensive vehicles- I’ll stick with my paid off Toyota- I hate car payments.
Everything being fake- fake fingernails, fake eyebrows, fake lashes, fake boobs, etcetera. I’m all for self care- but all the fake… why?
#18
Crossing my arms means I’m closed off.
Actually I’m just really comfortable standing that way. I do it all the time.
Moominsean replied:
I agree. Just standing there with your arms hanging feels kind of awkward and not particularly comfortable.
#19
Everyone walking around with phones in faces even at a gym where they need to have thing in hands to work out.
DennyS (denzoren) 2 months ago
Cause it's not actually about working out, it's making sure everyone knows you go to the gym.
#20
The idea that there are specific “breakfast foods” was just marketing made up by cereal companies to sell more cereal
I will die on this hill.
ebobbumman replied:
Aside from bacon and eggs, all our breakfast food is dessert: pancakes, waffles, muffins, donuts? It isn't acceptable to eat cupcakes and ice cream for breakfast, but is a muffin or a waffle covered in whipped cream just fine? It's bizarre.
#21
The idea that men who take good care of their appearance must be gay.
#22
That you should slave your life away to rich a******s that don't care about you, and that if you don't, you're "lazy.".
#23
Doctors and really all providers who schedule an appointment and are expected to be late while you are expected to be early and penalized for being late. Doctors, meetings, interviews, service appointments... and copays before I receive a service of any kind.
madeleine f 2 months ago
I think this has a lot to do with patients taking longer, being late or not turning up rather than the incompetence by doctors. Plus they probably overbook because of average 'no shows'. Most health care workers do their very best and I am always grateful when seeing them. Thank you everyone who works in the healthcare system.
#24
Two weeks notice to quit a job. They can let you go without even a seconds warning but if you leave without giving a two week notice you’re the bad guy and filed under “not rehireable”.
The entire idea behind the two week notice is so they could train your replacement but these days they often don’t really have anyone lined up for that. Then they ask you to stay on another week. Not your problem though.
Your employer is only as loyal to you as their bottom line allows. You’re just a number on a spreadsheet. Once you’re no longer useful, you’re out. So there’s no point to being loyal to your employer.
Bernd Herbert 2 months ago
Again, very much American. I hate it when colleagues of mine are gone within days. Luckily I live in Europe
#26
Having to hide a tampon or a pad when I go to the bathroom to change it because someone might find it embarrassing.
#27
Dropping 3 month salary on a shiny rock that is just an agreement to another even larger payment in the form of a ceremony.
Start your union by working through a pile of debt.
DennyS (denzoren) 2 months ago
I would much rather give a cheaper gem but with more meaning and quite frankly, much better looking...like there are so many. Also...if the worth of the marriage is based on the ring...I don't think it should be happening.
#28
Having to be available 24/7.
I miss the days before mobile phones. I might use the social side of my mobile twice a day, and I get constant complains about it. I won't change. I don't need to.
CanadianDimes 2 months ago
Teams keeps asking me if I want to put the app of on my phone. You mean my personal phone that I pay for? Nope.
#29
Bras and panties are taboo but swimwear isn’t. Literally the same s**t just water resistant material.
Pencil McGovern 2 months ago
What I can't get over is how nearly all swimwear for women exposes part of the buttocks. Even workout shorts are high-cut and don't completely cover your cheeks. And the ones that do cover your butt go nearly down to your knees. When did we decide that it's practically mandatory for women to expose their asses or we have to dress like Puritans?
#30
I've never really understood why it's considered rude to put your elbows on the dinner table.
One_Lobster_7454 replied:
I'll one up you: I've always been told off for having my knife and fork in the wrong hands!
What f*****g difference does It make? If I was left-handed, it would be the right way round! I find it comfortable that way around.
It's got to a point where anyone mentioning it just gets the same phrase every time: 'I don't care.'
arthbach 2 months ago
It was considered rude to put your elbows on the table, or to push down on the table when rising. This was because the tables were most often made from trestles with a board on top. If you put your elbows in the table it had a much higher chance of unbalancing it, and the board would topple over.
#31
Hustle culture in general is so f*****g annoying too. We are not defined by how much of our lives we spend grinding away, how hard we hustle nor by our income brackets.
Luke Branwen 2 months ago
Let's call it "huskle culture" instead because it leaves people as empty husks of human beings.
#32
Being in a relationship.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to have a partner, but the amount of comments and single-shaming and false pity is so annoying.
I don’t need sympathy, I don’t need your unrequested help/ coupling in finding a partner, I don’t need unwarranted suggestions of what I need to change…
I am neither desperate, so please Mr. X stop hitting on me, a no is a no…
and nor do I need other women to think I am posing a threat to their relationship, so Miss Y, I don’t want your man, stop hating on me🙄.
Ellinor 2 months ago
I'm Aromantic (few or no romantic attraction, in my case none) and I'm really tired of the pressure to be in a relationship. When you're a kid, every movie end with a couple or with a wedding. When you're a teen everyone ask if you have crushes all the time, and when you're an adult people ask you when will you be in couple. It's really tiring to know you're never going to be in what's considered "one of the most important and fulfilling thing in life" and still having to justify yourself.
#33
Not having bra straps show, who cares.
Hans Georg 2 months ago
Yeah, who cares. I rather see bra straps on women than underpants of dudes who can't pull up their trousers.
#34
Having to say bye to every person when leaving an event.
#35
Pretending to like small talk when all you really want is to skip to the part where you can comfortably ignore each other.
Makenzie McNeal 2 months ago
It's like no I don't hate you it's just I want to sit in silence in your presence and be comfortable we don't always need to talk.
#36
Parents giving their kids expensive vehicles.
You see a high school douchebag driving a lifted 250 with chrome wheels. Hauling literally nothing but clearly worth the $100,000.
Is it any wonder why the economy’s in shambles, repossessions are up, and entitlement is through the roof?
Just get them a basic 10+ year old Camry or Civic.
CanadianDimes 2 months ago
When I was living in the US, I met a psychologist who made a *really* big deal about the fact that I didn't have a car when I was a teenager because I'd missed out on an important cultural rite of passage, according to him. No amount of me explaining that I was from another country and that wasn't a thing where I grew up would dissuade him. In his eyes, I had been wronged. It was surreal, especially since I did own a car when I met him and really didn't want to. One of the happiest days of my life was when I sold it because I moved somewhere with extensive public transit.
#37
Funerals. Horrible use of resources and environmentally harmful. Also, it puts the grieving through so much unnecessary nonsense. My late husband had some serious forethought and refused to allow us to have a funeral. At first I was taken aback but in the end, it was so much easier on me and my kids. He wanted to be cremated and we spread his ashes in a small ceremony with close family when I was ready to let him go.
#38
Obsessing over celebrities or anyone in the media while neglecting your own present life and social circle.
Gino-Bartali replied:
Important to note that professional athletes are, without question, celebrities.
I follow the NBA to a minor extent, but I'm not tuned into it all hours of the day, nor do I let it make me start gambling because, apparently, we decided to regress a bit as a collective.
People who know every trade and every life story of every player are also sometimes likely to talk down on Swifties like they are any different.
#39
Being nice to a person but secretly gossiping or judging behind their back, why not to tell them the truth in the face?
#40
Bachelor and bachelorette parties where the point is to live it up one more night as an unmarried person, last chance to enjoy all the vices. Wtf?
Luke Branwen 2 months ago
Where I live, it's called something like "Goodbye to freedom party" and like...if a marriage with a person rids you of your freedom, or you see it like that, then just PERHAPS you shouldn't marry that person at all.
#41
You're expected to accept someone's request on social media to be polite, and you're expected to stay social media "friends" with them even if you're not friends in real life.
I always get c**p about not wanting acquaintances and colleagues on social media....like I've hurt their feelings. Sometimes it's nothing personal.
Morten Jul Lægaard 2 months ago
I have never had an account on any social media and have never missed it
#42
Eating a food that you've previously expressed a dislike for to be courteous.
Like, if I say I like shepherds pie, someone makes it for me, and it tastes bad... I'm going to fake it to be polite. But if I tell people I dislike peanut butter and they make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for me, I'm not eating it. I won't be rude about it, I'll politely remind them and thank them for the effort! But yeah, no.
Lara Verne 2 months ago
Yeah, my relatives were super offended, when they invited me for lunch and I didn't eat their soup. What's wrong with saying "No, thank you."
#43
"What's your dream job?"
I think it's weird to dream about work.
#44
Having to buy a card for every occasion - like, why do I need to pay $5 to say "Happy Birthday" when I’m already getting you a gift?
Rocket Surgeon 2 months ago
My wife and I go the grocery store together on Valentines day, each pick out a card for the other, trade them, read them, and then put them back because F that they're like $8 now.
#45
I secretly find ridiculous is the expectation to always respond with "I'm fine" or "I'm good" when someone asks how you're doing, even when you're clearly not. It's as if we're all part of an unspoken agreement to avoid genuine emotional exchanges in casual interactions, reducing a potentially meaningful conversation to mere pleasantries. It feels like a missed opportunity to connect on a deeper level, yet it's so ingrained that we all just go along with it.
What do you think ?
Ladedah 2 months ago
People who get all overly-offended by "curse-words" or "cussing" or "swearing" or whatever the hell else you want to call it... and platforms that cater to those cry babies by filtering it out. F**k off you f*****g twats. They're just f*****g words.
Cathy Lemay 2 months ago
Castigating shame on people who can't look you in the eye. It doesn't mean that the person is dishonest it just could be that they have a a shyness issue or their neurodivergent or whatever. Doesn't mean they're dishonest.
Boo 2 months ago
IMHO, seeing the eyes are supposed to be the windows to the soul, I don't look into anyone's eyes. It feels to me like I'm invading a place that I shouldn't be.
Load More Replies...
Liz The Biz 2 months ago
Our wasteful throwaway society. I was brought up not to be wasteful and to make everything last for as long as possible. When I was growing up it was normal to reuse, repair and recycle. Things were made to last. These days things like electrical appliances and devices often stop working after a couple of years and it is cheaper to buy new rather than get them repaired. In the last 25 years or so we have got used to having what we want, when we want it at the touch of a button. Things are easy come, easy go and people know the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
Ladedah 2 months ago
People who get all overly-offended by "curse-words" or "cussing" or "swearing" or whatever the hell else you want to call it... and platforms that cater to those cry babies by filtering it out. F**k off you f*****g twats. They're just f*****g words.
Cathy Lemay 2 months ago
Castigating shame on people who can't look you in the eye. It doesn't mean that the person is dishonest it just could be that they have a a shyness issue or their neurodivergent or whatever. Doesn't mean they're dishonest.
Boo 2 months ago
IMHO, seeing the eyes are supposed to be the windows to the soul, I don't look into anyone's eyes. It feels to me like I'm invading a place that I shouldn't be.
Load More Replies... Liz The Biz 2 months ago
Our wasteful throwaway society. I was brought up not to be wasteful and to make everything last for as long as possible. When I was growing up it was normal to reuse, repair and recycle. Things were made to last. These days things like electrical appliances and devices often stop working after a couple of years and it is cheaper to buy new rather than get them repaired. In the last 25 years or so we have got used to having what we want, when we want it at the touch of a button. Things are easy come, easy go and people know the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
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