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There are certain unspoken rules we have to adhere to when we're socializing with other people. Say "Hello" and "Goodbye." Don't curse. Give up your seat for the elderly on public transport. These things are part of having good manners. However, the role that manners play in our world seems to be diminishing.

A 2023 report by King's College London reveals that children having good manners is not a top priority for parents. Only 52% of respondents said that obedience and good manners are very important qualities for kids. That's in stark contrast to 1990 when 76% of adults in the U.S. said that it's a characteristic of good children.

Sometimes etiquette rules just don't make sense, so why adhere to them? This netizen had a similar idea when they decided to ask: "What's a common social etiquette rule you just don’t agree with?" The thread started some heated discussions over whether we really should respect our elders and whether it's okay to tell someone they have food bits in their mouth.

Bored Panda spoke about etiquette with the Golden Rules Gal Lisa Mirza Grotts, an etiquette expert with 23 years of experience. She told us more about how etiquette rules have evolved throughout the years, how to respond to people who claim that one or another etiquette rule doesn't make sense, and what new etiquette rule she would enact herself. Read her expert insights below!

#1

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Being "fashionably late". The party is at 7, why is everyone showing up at 8-9?  I find it so rude.

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#2

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Hear me out: people expecting an immediate text or call back as if they are entitled to your time. Obviously, I do not mean emergencies, but you get my gist.

EDIT: Thank you all for the upvotes and comments, it doesn’t make me feel so alone in my thoughts ❤️.

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Oerff On Tour
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The reason you send a text, instead of calling, is that the recipient can answer in his or her own time.

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#3

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone ‘The customer is always right’. Absolutely not.

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Tobias Reaper
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the full quote is actually the customer is always right in matters of taste meaning if they wanna buy an ugly hat let them. They left out the last bit so they can get their way

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Certified etiquette expert and author of A Traveler's Passport to Etiquette Lisa Mirza Grotts tells Bored Panda that the most recent event that influenced the way we view good manners is the COVID-19 pandemic. "The pandemic of 2020 rocked our world," she says.

"Traditional rules as we once knew them flew out the window: a handshake became a weapon and 'don't stand so close to me' was more than just lyrics in a song. The rules of etiquette are ever evolving [because of] societal changes. Further, the World Wide Web played a big role in the new rules of communication."

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#4

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Talling on speakerphone loudly no matter where the f**k you are. It's so common I genuinely notice people that are actually using their phones built in speaker and not using the f*****g speakerphone.

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#5

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone "Respect your elders." Sorry, a lot of my elders are unrespectable.

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General Anaesthesia
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You get my respect on first contact. After that it's yours to lose, no generational distinction.

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#6

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Having kids hug/embrace every single person even though they don't know them at social family gathering.

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The Doom Song
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My nieces and nephews always give me a hug. But it's coz they want to not coz I want them to

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The etiquette expert agrees that not all social etiquette rules need to be here forever. But the foundational ones still (and should for a long time) remain the same. "Many rules evolve and change, but traditional rules are here to stay."

"Social niceties such as saying 'Please,' 'May I,' and 'Thank you'. The correct way [to] set a table, sending thank you notes, etc. Some rules that could [be] updated depending on the audience: workplace etiquette with our reverse commute and styles of dress appear to be less strict."

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#7

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone I’m gonna get downvoted for this but I dislike that it’s become socially acceptable to wear your pajamas in public. I get you want to be comfortable, but put on a t shirt and jeans or shorts or something.

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Jill Rhodry
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Meh, the only reason they're pjs is because that's what we call them - they're still simply clothes. It's like food - it's only 'breakfast' food because that's what we call it - doesn't mean you can't have an omelet for dinner or leftovers for breaky.

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#8

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Tipping in 95% of situations. Just doing your job should not require a tip. Businesses should pay more and not put it on the customers. I always tip 25% or more because it's not the workers' fault that companies are awful but it just rubs me the wrong way.

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jeffrey champion
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tips were originally for exceptional service, where they performed much better than you expected. No idea how America got to tips are normal and not tipping is an insult.

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#9

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone I despise that it's more socially acceptable to BE an a*****e than it is to call someone out for being an a*****e. It's like when someone's being publicly rude, people would rather just ignore it and look the other way than say "Hey buddy you're being a d**k to everyone around you, knock it the hell off".

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Mia Black
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would call out more people if I hadn't the fear to be attacked by some of them.... It's so sad that grown people have to fear to be beaten up by even kids... There was once a ten year old in the train, flicking a knife against the seat...I just avoided the entire waggon... And felt shame that I didn't felt able to talk to the kid (edit: a word I don't know what it meant)

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This Reddit thread was full of people displeased with one or another etiquette rule. We asked Lisa Mirza Grotts how one should respond when someone calls them out on an outdated social rule. "In life, 'agree to disagree' is a learned skill."

"When you take into account politics and religion, which at the current moment are on steroids, it's no wonder that people are scared to speak up and put a fresh coat of paint on their opinions," the etiquette expert notes. "There's nothing wrong with having an opinion even when it's different than someone else's. The difference is your response."

#10

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Not putting the salary on the job advert.

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#11

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Putting cutlery at the beginning of buffet tables. I do not know which utensils I need until I am done selecting all of my food and they are awkward to carry while filling my plate with said food. It belongs at the end and I die on this hill.

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Lotekguy
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Valid. Also, having the utensils in hand before the food makes serving yourself more awkward.

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#12

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone No, John, I'm not spending the first ten minutes of the meeting discussing everyone's weekend plans. Let's just get down to business so we can end the meeting ASAP.

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Zephyr
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

John: so what's your plan for the weekend? Me: not being here, can we get on with it

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Instead of arguing, which probably won't do any good anyway, Lisa Mirza Grotts recommends this response: "I feel that etiquette is about mutual respect and making sure everyone feels comfortable no matter the social setting." It also echoes her business tagline: “You can have everything in the world, but what matters most is your behavior and how you treat other people."

#13

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone I have NEVER understood why people are afraid to tell someone else they have food in their teeth or something on their face. I’m going to be more embarrassed if I get home and see the lipstick on my teeth. AND I’m going to be annoyed with you for not mentioning it!

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Alexandra
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In general, if there is something wrong and you can correct it on the spot, you can tell a person what's wrong. If it's something you can't do anything about at that moment, you don't tell them because what you do is making people self-conscious the whole time until the time they can correct whatever is wrong.

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#14

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Turning down something when you actually want it because it’s “polite.”

This happened to me a lot when I was a kid but every once in a while as an adult this weird social thing will happen.

Person: Would you like something to drink?

Me: Yes, please. Thank you.

Person: *shocked Pikachu face* Oh, I was just being polite.

Me: Were you, Vicki? Because that seems rude to me.

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#15

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Men always ask women out, if a woman does it it makes her look desperate, do away with this social etiquette and let whoever has feelings for whomever make the first move regardless of gender.

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We also asked the Golden Rules Gal what new etiquette rule she would make a must for all people. "I would say not so much about new etiquette rules, but in front of every rule, I would add the word 'mindful,' as in 'mindful behavior,'" the etiquette expert tells us. "The practice of being aware and paying attention to the feelings of others [and] our surroundings, and without judgment. Wouldn't that be nice!"

#16

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Giving up airplane seats so people can sit together. If I’m not being upgraded to a better seat, I’m not moving.

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Jon Steensen
Community Member
5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It depends... If you are moving to a similar seat, and isn't really inconvenned the slightest, why not make that small and cheap gesture to make someone happier. It is social lubrication like that which makes the world a more tolerable place to live in. Not every good deed needs direct compensation, and setting a good example might be what later will return to you when you need someone to do you a favor. If you, as a family buy last minute tickets, it isn't given that there are still seats next to each other availble, when other people have picked their seats more or less randomly and could just as easily sit one row further forward or backwards. Sometimes you just gotta do what is needed to make things work.

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#17

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Talking about money.

F*****g discuss your wages, especially with your coworkers. It’s how you figure out if you’re being taken advantage of by your management, and it helps you put into perspective how other people in your field are doing and how you can improve your own income.

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V
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This depends. We are broke as sh*t, but compared to most people in our area we are flush, so we teach our kid to not talk about it because we don't want them to accidentally rub it in a kids face.

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#18

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Waiting for people to take photos before walking through. It was polite in the 80s when people took one photo per day, but these days you'd never get anywhere in a tourist city if you waited. It's not reasonable to hold up a pavement while you take 17 photos for your Instagram. I'm going through.

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lenka
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes. This is a hangup from the days when you had to buy film and get photos developed. I was always polite to wait because the person might not know the photo is ruined until they get it developed and there was no do-over. Not anymore. These days I will respectfully wait for one or two photos, particularly if its a family photo or something like that. Otherwise im going through.

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#19

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Not taking the last piece of food on a sharing platter. The number of times I’ve seen a perfectly good piece of garlic bread go cold and get thrown away….

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Hiram's Friend
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the nursing lounges where I worked, there would be one donut left. It would be cut in half; that half halved again. Just take the damn thing!

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#20

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Going out for a birthday or occasion with a bunch of people or even just a few friends and having to split the bill evenly . I don’t mind it if it’s a few dollar difference, but often times I’ll get something cheaper on the menu and maybe one drink whereas others are ordering steaks and 4 drinks and I owe $100 or more. Whenever it’s the opposite and I order the more expensive things, I always make sure to tell people to just pay for what they owe. I wish others had the same decency.

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PattyK
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This issue needs to be resolved BEFORE agreeing to go out with others.

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#21

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Being on time is late. No, being late is being late. I’m not giving anyone more of my time then I need to.

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PattyK
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Always being late is often a control issue; the person who’s late is controlling their own time. Nevertheless, it’s rude and disrespectful to the person(s) waiting.

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#22

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone People, usually men, mistaking the notion of a firm handshake to mean squeezing the f**k out of your hand.

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PattyK
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

On the other hand (pun intended), I hate a wet-dishrag handshake. They come more often from women than from men.

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#23

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Forcing kids to share their brand new gifts at a birthday party. naw. keep those doodoo-butter fingers off the new merchandise unless junior graciously permits you to play with it.

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TheGoodBoi
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We always have the kids of the family unwrap their gifts and look at them in their boxes. We don't take the toys out and play with them until we're home/everyone leaves. Helps a lot because the children can look at the toys but not access them and fight over them. Also helps keep the toy and it's attachments all together till they can be lost at our own house lol

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#24

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone You can be blunt and be honest without being rude, sometimes it's the best thing to do.

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Jon Steensen
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

yeah, but for the majority of the cases, I think that "brutal honesty" is a misunderstood concept. The same message can be conveyed in a number of different ways, and in many cases the brutal one isn't the best way, and don't try to hide you being an A$$ as just being honest. You can be honest in a gentle way, so try to give it just a moments thought about how receiving your message will feel, and ask yourself if you can do something to make that experience a bit more pleasant. I lot of hard truths can be said without ruining your relationships, if you choose your words wisely.

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#25

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Having people in the service industry smile ask about your day. It's all completely insincere and exhausting and not just to the poor worker. I don't want to have to smile and lie to a stranger. I just want to buy my s**t and go.

It sometimes gets pushed way too f*****g far. There's a popular coffee kiosk chain where I live where the baristas are all forced to chat while you wait for them to make the coffee, and it takes a while so, the "how are you/fine" exchange doesn't fill enough time. They ask about favorite movies and "if you had a super power" and anything to just keep this pointless unwanted conversation going. Just... just stop. All I want is coffee. I don't want to think of what my favorite tree is, and you don't care. This isn't a conversation, this is chore.

It's exhausting.

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Steve Nelson
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was once asked how my day was going at 2:30 AM in a 24 hour pharmacy. I was buying antacids.

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#26

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Asking "How are you?" and expecting a standard lie in response.

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Zephyr
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't mind it when someone says how they really feel, plus if you don't want to know just say good day

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#27

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone How saying you don’t want to hang out with someone is considered rude. Instead society expects you to come up with a good reason, as if saying “I’m an introvert and I like having my alone time. Maybe we can hang out some other time.” Isn’t good enough.

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#28

Smoke breaks


You mean to tell me by smoking you get an extra hour a day to do whatever you want?!

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#29

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Sending thank you notes to people who attended your loved one’s funeral. You already have enough on your plate, plus you’re grieving. It doesn’t make any sense to me.

Editing to add that I am in the US, in Michigan specifically.

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Karl
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How weird. It’s the last thing I’d expect after attending a funeral

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#30

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone I'm a big fan of the Irish goodbye.

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General Anaesthesia
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For those unfamiliar with it, the Irish Goodbye is a term used for leaving a party without saying goodbye to anyone.

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#31

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone I sat on a chocolate covered cherry at a picnic while wearing white shorts. Did anyone tell me at the time, including boyfriend. No. It just looked like a s**t myself and had a blowout period.

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#32

As a teacher, the “don’t talk back” gets me. It’s a problem if it is rude, but I don’t automatically assume a response is disrespect.

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Jon Steensen
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh especially when it happens after you are asked a rethorical question like "What were you thinking?" (which really means, what you did was highly unreasonable) Cutting people off, without giving them a chance to justify their actions, or let you gain a better understanding for what lead to the situation, is just pure gaslighting, as you dismiss the way they think and feel. In general, don't ask questions if you don't want answers, and investigate what is going on before you pass your judgement. Otherwise you may very well end up looking like the fool, when you think that things happened one way, but it was actually something completely different that was going on.

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#33

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Men and women having different standards when it comes to being topless in public.

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#34

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone People getting pissy if you don’t open their gift right in front of them at the party.

People bringing gifts even if the invite specifically said “NO GIFTS”.

Obligatory gift giving in general.

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Becky Samuel
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gift giving culture is completely out of hand. We all have enough random garbage in our houses without being plied with 'amusing' mugs, gift sets of 'artisan' pickles, figurines, and all the other cráp. The amount of this stuff that ends up in landfill is shocking.

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#35

Kiss on the cheek was a common greeting where I live. Thankfully covid brought an end to that.

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Lotekguy
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm quite content with the post-Covid nod and optional smile.

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#36

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Saying goodbye to everyone when I’m ready to leave.

Nope.

I’m simply gonna ✨f**koff ✨ in silence.

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#37

I kind of wish you could just dip out of boring conversations you may be trapped in.

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#38

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone When you offer someone something, and they say no, even though they want it, and you need to keep offering it to them until it's socially acceptable for them to take it.

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Poison Ivy/Boo
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After the first no, I take the hint and don't ask again...then they get pïssed because I didn't push the issue. Nah, I don't play games. If you want it, say yes the first time.

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#39

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Don't know if it's a universal thing, but at every place I or my parents worked at, there was this weird rule to bring some food with you if you have your birthday on a workday. Luckily my birthday didn't land at a workday for the past two years, but I still just don't like that at all. I'm not going to work at that day to celebrate, and my coworkers aren't my friends. I would even prefer if nobody at my workplace knew when I have my birthday, but my boss literally writes it down for every employee to make sure we all know each other's birthdays.
I just wanna go there, do my f*****g job like any other day, and then go back home to enjoy my day with friends and family.

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Mia Black
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't like my birthday to be mentioned but I also have no problem to bring a cake that day If I had the time to bake or buy it. I just enjoy my piece and the peace after it

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#40

Forcing conversation when faced with a moment of silence.

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Steve Hall
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can we have a moment of silence for forced conversation please.

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#41

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Not wearing your coat inside because wearing it implies you're going to just up and leave at any second. I have a terrible time regulating my own body heat, but people would rather I freeze, I guess.

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#42

Including a card with every gift. It’s a piece of paper that cost 5 bucks, gets read once and thrown away. I’d rather put an extra 5 bucks into the gift than a fancy piece of paper. Gift cards/money with a card are an exception, being part of the “wrapping” otherwise it seems like a waste .

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SewingStaffy
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love receiving cards. I'd probably be sad if I didn't get one but got a gift with too fancy wrapping

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#43

Having to wait until everyone at your table in a restaurant gets their food before you start eating yours. If you have hot food, you should eat it while it’s still hot. Luckily, most people I eat out with agree this is a nonsense rule and encourage everybody to eat when they get their food.

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ADJ
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5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In all restaurants I visited it is common to serve all guests at the table at the same time....

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#44

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone Elbows off the dinner table.

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Queeqec
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5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope, my elbows will rest on the table, as I want to eat in comfort. I will die on that hill.

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#45

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone After saying hi you have to ask how they are doing before you can get to the main reason why you had to speak to them.

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R.A. Haley
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5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember a scene from Inn of the Sixth Happiness, when someone fell and was injured. The servant ran like the devil, screaming for the Mandarin. When he arrived at tge palace he screeched to a stop, bowed and very formally asked "Are you well?" then proceeded with the emergency.

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#46

Saying, "God bless you," after someone sneezes. Why should we have to say it? Why should we have to thank you if they say it?

We don't say, "JESUS DIED FOR YOUR SINS," every time someone farts.

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#47

"Take off your hat, it's disrespectful!" Disrespectful to who, and how?

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#48

"Doesn’t Make Sense": 40 Social Etiquette Rules That People Want To See Gone To always ask if anyone is gonna have ‘this last piece’ of whatever food is out. Obviously I do it because I don’t want everyone to think I’m an a*s, but there’s always that awkward 5 seconds of everyone looking at each other with blank expressions before you get approval to eat. Wish I could just dive in there.

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Freya the Wanderer
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5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I want the last whatever, I ask, "Anybody want this?" If there are no takers - om nom nom.

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#49

Having to always invite people's partner to a social event. Take out that I may just not like them, but sometimes, things have a limit.

If I want to, for example, rent a boat that can hold 10 people, I don't feel I should be obligated to either invite both parts of a couple, or neither one. Like if its dinner at my house, I get it. But sometimes it should be ok to just invite one person.

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R.A. Haley
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5 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you invite just me and not my wife, I'm not going. Regardless of your excellent reason and even having her permission, I will never hear the end of it.

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#50

Having to.say "good morning" to each and every coworker individually as you pass them. By the 8th or 9th good morning, I'm over it...leave me alone. Also, I think if it's been less than a full 24 hrs since the last time I've seen you... you don't warrant a fresh good morning. Yesterday's good morning should still stand.

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PattyK
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5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That first greeting in the morning is really important; it sets the tone for the whole day. If you don’t want to greet each person individually, greet them as a group, “Good morning, everyone.”

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