What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Right? Apparently not always. It turns out the same rules don’t always apply to men and women, or boys and girls, when it comes to behaving “normally” in public. What’s considered fair play for one is sometimes frowned upon for the other, as u/APT3993 found out when they asked for some examples of common sexist behavior.

Bored Panda reached out to the original poster to find out what inspired the question. He told us he wanted to see if people would only go with sexism directed towards women or whether they'd share their own examples.

"As a cis male I have seen some parts which can be quite scary," he told us, adding that he'd heard lots of stories about fathers being stereotyped. The redditor used an example of dads taking their children to the park and at best, being told they're on “babysitting duty” and at worst, being called creeps.

"It helps show the discrimination on both sides," he told Bored Panda. "No matter what gender we are, we all have gender “rules and restrictions” put on us based on social norms."

A British mom called Laurel Wider had a similar experience to me a few years back. Her preschool son caught her off guard when he boldly declared that boys don’t cry. As a psychotherapist with a background in gender studies, Wider wanted to weep. But instead, she put on her big boy pants, blue cape and set off to save the day.

Wider started where she believed it all began: the toy box. What transpired was a deep dive into the double standards of dollhouses, dinosaurs, diggers, drills and doctors’ kits. And later, a solution to slay some sexist dragons.

These days, Wider is considered an expert in the toxic traits of toys. She’s even spoken at the White House. Bored Panda caught up with her to find out how Barbie and Batman might have played a role in some of the stories featured here.

When Wider researched robots, racing cars and rocketships, she had a radical realization. Many of the so-called boys' toys encouraged building, battles, blocks and ball games but lacked emotion. Girls often got gifted in a more graceful way. 

“At the time, all toys that promoted nurturing/empathy/feelings were heavily marketed to girls... I sought to change this,” she told us. Wider asked 150 parents, teachers and experts for their opinions.

Not long after, she launched her very own online toy store to tackle toxic masculinity. Her idea to turn superhero action figures into soft dolls for boys soon took off. Since then, Wonder Crew has won several awards.

Let’s be frank, dolls were once not considered socially acceptable toys for boys. And that’s exactly the thinking Wider wanted to change. But it’s not the only reason for her bold move. For her, it was important to bash the boys don’t cry, blue aisle brigade - by teaching boys to be in tune with their emotions.

"I created Wonder Crew, a line of dolls that combine the adventure of an action figure with the emotional connection of a favorite stuffed animal, plus dress up/costume play - to bring "soft skills" to boys without the stigma," she told Bored Panda. 

"At the time of the launch, dolls were mostly marketed to girls. Based on research, I learned that doll play teaches and encourages empathy, connection, vulnerability - these skills were not present or encouraged in toys marketed to boys. I wanted to change this and fill a major gap in the toy industry. Noting that ideally toys are interest based, not gender based."

Double standards can start young. Babies have some understanding of gender from about 9 months old. By the time they’re toddlers, they develop ideas about behaviors and activities considered "appropriate" for each gender. Putting girls and boys in (pink and blue) boxes further reinforces these stereotypes.

Dr. Sarah Lamer is an assistant professor of social psychology at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville. She's done extensive research on gender stereotyping so I reached out to her to find out more.

"Gender stereotypes are limiting by definition, and these limitations impact children early in development. For example, research shows that as early as the age of 2 and by the age of 7, girls believe that they are worse at math than boys, believe angular shapes and rough textures are masculine, believe that a really smart student is more likely to be a boy than a girl, and tend to play with stereotypical 'girl toys' (e.g., tea set, doll) more than stereotypical 'boy toys' ( e.g., skateboard, baseball)," explained Lamer.

Lamer was part of a team of researchers who analyzed a bunch of popular children’s tv shows. They found that in at least 12 shows, the characters were treated differently - depending on how “girly” or “boyish” they behaved. Feminine girls and masculine boys were treated better. While masculine girls and feminine boys were treated worse. They also found the behavior spilled out of the plasma set and onto the playground after children watched the shows. 

“In our studies, we asked girls aged 6 to 11 to watch 4 minutes of silent clips featuring the pattern. After watching these clips, they felt like their parents and peers wanted them to be more feminine. The more pressure the girls felt, the more they played with stereotypical girl toys,” wrote Lamer in a blog post for the Society of Personality and Social Psychology.

But wait. It gets worse. The researchers did a test after the kids watched the shows. It turns out some little girls feel the need to dumb themselves down to fit in. “When we asked them to record a video message to introduce themselves to peers at another school—the less intelligence they conveyed. Subtle patterns like this one could have major impact,” explained Lamer.

Wider has been doing her bit to level the playing field since her son first said boys don’t cry. “My colleague, Jodi Bondi Norgaard and I recently collaborated with The Geena Davis Institute on Gender and Media on a study titled: Equal Play? Analyzing Gender Stereotypes, Diversity and Inclusion in Advertising and Marketing for the Most Popular Toys of 2022,” she told me.

They scrutinized 175 adverts featuring the best selling toys that year. “Advertisements featuring toys marketed to girls (e.g., baby dolls) overwhelmingly focused on nurturing,” states the study. “Advertisements featuring toys marketed to boys were predominantly cars, sporting equipment or games, and toy weapons, with masculine music and language used in these ads more than in ads for toys marketed to girls. These results suggest that gender-inclusive products and marketing strategies for toys tend to be the exception rather than the rule." 

Other findings include:

1. Toys marketed to girls were 18 times more likely to be shown demonstrating nurturing or domestic skills than toys marketed to boys.
2. 75% of toys that were played competitively or violently were played with by boys.
3. Marketing materials often employ gender roles and stereotypes through colors, characteristics of the actors using the toy, the way they play with the toy, and the type of emotional experience associated with play.
4. Parents are responsive to this marketing and can reinforce gender stereotypes through both the toys they purchase for their children and the types of play they encourage and discourage.

Gender stereotyping is everywhere. On the shelves, in shops, under the kitchen sink, on the television, internet and radio. Sometimes it's stupid and pointless. Other times it’s downright dangerous. U.S. based NGO Save The Children says outdated gender roles play a direct role in millions of human rights violations around the world.

I asked Wider what advice she had for parents who want to break gender stereotypes. "Give kids the opportunity to experience a range of play experiences, regardless of gender. Provide diverse toys," she said. 

But added that adults can take it a step further, "Write to manufacturers, ask for toys that are interest based, rather than gender based - toys that are more inclusive. It's important for kids to have a wide range of play experiences.

I asked Lamer the same question... "I will pass on the advice that my undergraduate Psychology of Women professor, Joan Chrisler, gave us: If your behavior would change based on the gender of the person you are interacting with, then stereotypes are influencing your actions," she answered.

"For example, would you respond to the child's emotion differently if it were a boy than a girl? Would you suggest a different toy? Would you be less likely to comment on their outfit? Pretend play as a different profession? If so, ask yourself why – that is, what stereotype is guiding that behavior – and adjust accordingly."

But wait. It gets worse. The researchers did a test after the kids watched the shows. It turns out some little girls feel the need to dumb themselves down to fit in. “When we asked them to record a video message to introduce themselves to peers at another school—the less intelligence they conveyed. Subtle patterns like this one could have major impact,” explained Lamer.

“By exposing children to toys and media that break down stereotypes and include and embrace diversity as it applies to gender, race, ethnicity, culture, ability, and more, we offer them the opportunity to authentically develop their talents and pursue their passions without limits,” advised Wider.

“When a child isn’t represented, when they don’t see themselves in their toys or media, it impacts their sense of self, confidence and potential. If we want to raise whole children; we need to support and encourage the whole child,” she added.

In short, forget “let boys be boys” and let’s focus on letting toys be toys.