“AITA For Thinking That My Sister Is Selfish For Wanting To Skip My Wedding Cause Of Her ‘Trauma’?”
Each of us has our own “painful points,” any touch of which, even years later, again brings to life the whole gamut of experiences that we thought had long since subsided with time. And literally anything can be a trigger for this. For example, one’s sister’s wedding.
The story that we’ll tell you today is the personal experience of the user u/BuddyCamp875 – that very bride whose wedding her own sister refused to attend, which the woman was incredibly outraged by. So much so that she decided to ask people online for some advice.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post was going to marry recently, but her sister refused to attend the wedding
Image credits: Min An (not the actual photo)
The thing is that the woman lost her own husband right after their wedding 6 years ago
Image credits: u/BuddyCamp875
The widow hasn’t attended any wedding since then and her sister’s didn’t become an exception, but she decided it was just a whim to annoy her
Image credits: Tara Winstead (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/BuddyCamp875
It turned out that the fam’s activity to make her RSVP Yes drove the sister to depression again – and her friend blamed the bride-to-be for her harassment
So, the Original Poster (OP) is 25 years old and was just about to get married when she received a negative RSVP from her sister, an Irish twin. The sister explained her decision by saying that she was afraid that the wedding would cause painful flashbacks in her from her own ceremony, which took place six years ago.
In the past, the woman married her boyfriend, and that wedding was rather symbolic. The thing is that the groom had late-stage cancer and passed away ten days after they tied the knot. And, contrary to popular wisdom that time heals, here it has not turned out to be omnipotent…
Since then, the widow has avoided attending any weddings – and her sister’s ceremony was no exception. In turn, the author of the post decided that this was nothing more than an attempt to annoy her – after all, the sisters have had a rocky relationship for many years. According to the bride-to-be, in six years, any mental wound should heal, and if not, then it’s nothing more than a whim.
The bride tried to get her relatives involved to make her sister come by any means, but a few days later, she received a call from her sister’s friend, who accused the fam of ‘harrassing’ her friend. It turned out that the persistence of relatives had driven the woman into depression and she was even forced to skip work.
As for our heroine, she didn’t at all consider her behavior to be any kind of harassment and, in her own words, her sister was simply “playing the depression card,” in order to justify her “unfair treatment” to the OP. However, even the author’s fiance disagreed with her here – and the guy suggested she ask for advice online.
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
“Based on the above, I can really agree with this bride-to-be that she and her sister do have a rocky relationship. But this is perhaps the only thing I can generally agree with her on,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and psychologist certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here. “It seems to me that this woman is forgetting one very important thing – each person has a completely different system of reactions to various life’s problems. Someone can recover in just a month or two, while others have a hard time for many years.”
“Well, besides, I can’t understand why she absolutely needs her sister’s presence at the wedding – especially knowing their background. Just to rub some salt in the wound? After all, it’s pretty obvious that being present at the reception won’t give her sister any pleasure. In any case, it just looks like a whim on the part of the bride. In the end, it’s a personal matter for everyone – what to worry about and what to respond to a wedding invitation,” Irina concludes.
As for the commenters on the original post, they simply didn’t mince words, condemning the author for being so entitled here. And even more. “Your post demonstrates a fundamental lack of understanding about how trauma, grief, and recovery affect people or even work,” one of the commenter wrote. “I don’t know you from Eve, but just judging by this situation, you’re a monster.”
According to people in the comments, the only thing the bride thinks about is her wedding and how she will look in the eyes of the guests. And she simply doesn’t care about her sister’s emotional experiences. “You’re gaslighting your sister to make her do something she’ll be miserable doing and all you seem to care about is yourself. How dare you question how a person grieves for their spouse!? Weddings are hard for parents with romantic trauma,” another commenter wrote angrily, and it’s just hard to disagree with this…
On the other hand, in relationships between adult sisters, there are often situations that are even more complex than the one we just told you about. For example, this woman even dared to sleep with her sister’s husband while she was losing a baby – and got some postponed karma in return… But besides that, we’d highly appreciate your thoughts on this particular situation in the comments below.
People in the comments bashed the bride for being overly entitled and having no compassion to her sister at all
Image credits: Ksenia Chernaya (not the actual photo)
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I do not understand this whole 'support' thing anyway. I am getting married, which is a great reason for a party. Wanna join? Great! Don't wanna join? Your bad. I'm going to have fun anyway.
As soon as she put "trauma" in quotes, I knew she was going to be TA, lol. She sounds like she suuuuuuuucks.
This, and "harassment," as though what she just admitted doing is somehow *not* harassment. (Currently doing my best to avoid harassment by third party within my own family.) Sucks how many enablers and flying monkeys don't care how their behavior is ADDING ON TO HER TRAUMA AND DEPRESSION, hence why it has been triggered so bad that she can't work. But, sure, "nobody is harassing anyone." Gross.
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If the relationship is 'rocky' and she doesn't even like her sister enough to begin to try to understand how hard the event would be for her, then why would she even want her there in the first place? Almost feels like she wanted her sister to attend so that she could blame her for ruining her 'big day' if something did happen.
She comes across as the type of person who wants to "one up" her widowed sister by using her wedding to say "Hey sis, look at me, a wife whose hubby won't die next week". A vicious, nasty, narcissistic piece of work.
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I do not understand this whole 'support' thing anyway. I am getting married, which is a great reason for a party. Wanna join? Great! Don't wanna join? Your bad. I'm going to have fun anyway.
As soon as she put "trauma" in quotes, I knew she was going to be TA, lol. She sounds like she suuuuuuuucks.
This, and "harassment," as though what she just admitted doing is somehow *not* harassment. (Currently doing my best to avoid harassment by third party within my own family.) Sucks how many enablers and flying monkeys don't care how their behavior is ADDING ON TO HER TRAUMA AND DEPRESSION, hence why it has been triggered so bad that she can't work. But, sure, "nobody is harassing anyone." Gross.
Load More Replies... If the relationship is 'rocky' and she doesn't even like her sister enough to begin to try to understand how hard the event would be for her, then why would she even want her there in the first place? Almost feels like she wanted her sister to attend so that she could blame her for ruining her 'big day' if something did happen.
She comes across as the type of person who wants to "one up" her widowed sister by using her wedding to say "Hey sis, look at me, a wife whose hubby won't die next week". A vicious, nasty, narcissistic piece of work.
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