Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
1.3K
“I Adopted My Dog, Not Her”: Woman Splits Family And The Internet With Her Clapback To SIL
One of the best parts of the holiday season is spending time with loved ones. But does that include the fluffy and furry members of our families as well? Do pets get to have a say in how we celebrate?
Below, you’ll find a story that was recently shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, detailing how one woman’s sister-in-law has requested that she accommodate her needs over her dog’s this Christmas.
RELATED:
Due to unexpected circumstances, this woman and her husband have become responsible for hosting their family’s Christmas
Image credits: Samson Katt / pexels (not the actual photo)
But her sister-in-law has expressed that she won’t be attending the celebration unless there are no dogs in the house
Image credits: Wilson Vitorino / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Andreas Schnabl / pexels (not the actual photo)
Later, the woman explained that she already offered to keep her dog in a separate room
Image credits: New-Prize-7698
She also responded to a few replies from readers and provided even more info on the situation
7 to 9% of the population has a fear of dogs
While dogs are considered to be man’s best friend, and they’re the most popular pet in the United States with over 65 million households having at least one, they can also be seen as terrifying creatures to some. According to Healthline, cynophobia, or the fear of dogs, is estimated to affect between 7 to 9% of the population.
Risk factors that make a person more susceptible to developing cynophobia are: having a traumatic experience with a dog, having a close relative who also has anxiety or phobias, having a sensitive temperament that may increase your likelihood of developing phobias, or being a young age, as specific phobias often pop up before the age of 10.
Some things that may trigger cynophobia are seeing a dog, even if it’s on a leash or enclosed, hearing a dog bark or growl, seeing a photo or movie that contains a dog, thinking about dogs or having to go somewhere that dogs might be present. And as far as treating cynophobia, the Cleveland Clinic notes that it can be helpful to see pictures or videos of friendly dogs, hold a toy dog, watch dogs from a distance, pet a dog while it’s on a leash and spend time with a dog off leash.
Image credits: Rodrigo Hanna / pexels (not the actual photo)
Rescue dogs often have trauma, and it’s important to be gentle while socializing them
It may be easier to understand how a human can be scared of dogs, as we are more familiar with one another’s emotions, but dogs can actually carry trauma and experience emotional distress as well. Healing Fur Souls notes on their site that most rescue dogs have likely experienced some level of trauma, such as abandonment, neglect, fear, violence or sudden changes in their environment.
Because of their experiences, Puppy In Training explains that it’s likely to expect some fear and anxiety, a lack of socialization, trust issues, and perhaps even behavioral issues from rescue dogs. Just like humans, they need time to adapt to a new environment, and they will likely be unsure if their new home will be permanent for a while.
When it comes to socializing an adult dog, Hound’s Lounge says to take it slow. Try to limit stressors in your dog’s environment and take time to build a routine and consistency. Stay positive, and start by taking your dog on walks to get them used to being with you. Over time, you can introduce them to other adult dogs, then adult humans, and eventually puppies and children.
Image credits: Samson Katt / pexels (not the actual photo)
Boarding can be incredibly stressful for dogs and should be avoided if possible
As far as the sister’s suggestion to simply board the dog in this situation on Reddit, it’s understandable why the dog’s owner would be hesitant to do so. Doglando explains on their site that being placed in a kennel can be extremely distressing for a dog, as they’re in a new situation with unfamiliar dogs and humans. They might become anxious and worried and perhaps even act out.
Our furry friends can also be exposed to illnesses from other dogs or develop bad behavior that they’ve observed from their fellow boarders. They might become more aggressive or perhaps even be traumatized by other aggressive dogs they’re forced to spend time around. Dogs also might not get enough time and space to exercise while they’re being boarded. It’s much better for dogs to stay in their own homes with a pet sitter whenever possible.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think it was unreasonable for the sister-in-law to request that her relatives keep their dog away? Or should her family have accommodated her? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing family drama surrounding a dog, look no further than right here.
Image credits: iddea photo / pexels (not the actual photo)
Some readers noted that the situation could have been handled better by all parties involved
Meanwhile, others thought that the woman should have been more compassionate towards her SIL
And some assured the OP that she had done nothing wrong
Poll Question
Total votes ·
Thanks! Check out the results:
Total votes ·
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
What do you think ?
martin734 2 years ago
I know I am going to get downvoted for this but I am on the side of the OP. Your sister in law's problems are her problems not yours. While I am all in favour of making reasonable adjustments to accommodate other people, expecting you to put a newly adopted dog into kennels for her visit is not what I would consider reasonable. I fully understand and sympathise with trauma and the anxiety it causes, I have been there myself, but expecting everyone to adapt and adjust to accommodate her is neither reasonable or fair. If she is unable or unwilling to get help and treatment for her mental health then she needs to accept that there are things that she won't be able to do if they are triggering for her.
HangryHangryHippo 2 years ago
Heart heatedly agree with you. I have a rescue and I would've done the same if being in OP's shoes. Adopting a dog with trauma means a lot of work, patience and love (we were bitten in several occasions by ours, and worked with a dog behaviorist and even medication for years). Sheesh, we still work with him every day for him to feel welcomed, respected and loved. God knows what kind of regression the dog can go through if sent to a kennel. Bad luck with the choice of words (I didn't read it as a dig to SIL) but the sentiment remains, they did try to accommodate her to the best of their capabilities, but no dice.
Load More Replies...
Boo-Urns 2 years ago
I am so tired of hearing about people and their "triggers". That is a YOU problem, not a problem for everyone around you. If YOU can't handle a certain type of animal, or person, or situation, then it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to avoid it.
Rostit. . 2 years ago
100%. while i have no issues being aware of peoples triggers and i will do a reasonable amount to not activate them, i will only do that if they are actively working on helping themselves. its not anyone elses responsibility except the person who has the issue to get it dealt with. thats life. there are things from my past that bother me(technically triggers) but thats my problem. I can not subject myself to the situation or I can work with the therapist to get through it. its not the hosts job.
Load More Replies...
StumblingThroughLife 2 years ago (edited)
After adopting rescue dogs (3x10yrs each time), I can sympathise with the OP. One in particular had been injured by a man and struggled to be around them, but he gradually began to accept the male side of my family and friends. Because of his (permanent) injury, he spent over a year in an animal shelter. He was about 18mths old when I took him home (nobody else wanted him), thin and mangy, so NO WAY would I have ever sent him back to any kind of kennel environment. I initially missed the OPs response to the SiL, but having it pointed out, yes, she could have handled it better (prob didn't think how bad her comment was att). But still, after SiL refusing the offer of separating them, I would still NOT do that to my dog - a part of my family.
Gardener of Weeden 2 years ago
100% After we adopted our pup, we would not even bring him with us when we dropped off donations. It took almost a year for him not to get upset when we took his collar off.
Load More Replies...
Sathe Wesker 2 years ago
I was attacked by a Rottweiler when I was about 9… still have the scars. Wasn’t my dog but my dad’s bosses, my dad was the one who pulled her off me. I knew that dog since she was a pup and was also raised with dogs and cats, her owner was TA and she snapped for reasons I still can’t fathom (I think my friend and I were simply being too loud and she full on turned in the middle of a field during a walk (unleashed) and just charged me). Regardless, even at that age, I recognized it wasn’t fully the dogs fault. I’ve owned dogs since, and big ones. I can see the logic behind her fear but I also think shes overdramatize her “trauma”…. However, with saying that, people do deal with their own traumas to each their own. Still, that dog is adopted and in the middle of learning how to deal with his own trauma and it is 100% the owner’s responsibility to guide that process and an adult human should understand that and accept the compromises offered.
Marno C. 2 years ago
1. The thing about "triggers" is that the person who has them is responsible for having strategies for recognizing and managing them. Their trauma is the "gun" and those things come with triggers. The rest of the world can't and won't modify itself for something something as individual as somebody's health issues. Nice when it happens, but you can't move forward in your life expecting it. 2. OP might just need to drop the Christmas bomb of saying, "While I am sorry that I accidentally hurt SIL's feelings, it is clear that what our household has to offer is not what the family wants or needs out of a host. Looks like the family is going to need another plan." Push back on the pushiness.
Lisa B 2 years ago
NTA. I have three dogs. My house is full of dog hair. Sometimes people who come over complain about the dog hair. Said complainers are told "THEY (the dogs) live here, YOU don't, sorry about the mess, there's a lint roller in the bathroom".
Imagineer 2 years ago
I have a great metal decorative sign in my house that says the dogs are my family and if you don't like hair, don't sit on the furniture, and that chances are I like the dogs better than people.
Load More Replies...
MoMcB 2 years ago
I don't understand how you can be that afraid of dogs and manage life day to day? Everywhere I go, there are dogs (love them), but wouldn't it be safer to have therapy? When I did have a dog, I was walking him in a local park on a lead, and a child was scared - I came around a corner and met the child and his mother. He nearly went into water, just on seeing my dog. I turned away but I'd be afraid they
MoMcB 2 years ago
But I'd be afraid they would move into traffic on a footpath. The SIL needs therapy, if she cannot even listen to a dog.
Load More Replies...
Mckyla Earl 2 years ago
My dogs are my family. They come first for me. If the SIL has a problem, they could sleep at a hotel nearby if they think they can't sleep with a dog in the house. She has that option and it won't traumatize her to do it. Boarding an abused and recovering dog in a kennel for the Holidays is cruel and traumatizing itself. Not only that but there are diseases he could catch, especially the potentially fatal one going around now.
ॐBoyGanesh 2 years ago
I’m trying to imagine if I were invited to be a gracious houseguest somewhere that would fundamentally give me anxiety. Would I see if I could be accommodated or would I be such a self-serving entitled brat that I, myself, would weaponize my past trauma then DARVO the host. Clearly, this is an abstract hypothetical, because NO! I’d never ask for such an accommodation. Certainly wouldn’t demand it then vilify my host. This would be an opportunity for me to confront my fear or, if that’s not plausible, I’d stay in a hotel. Didn’t BP recently post an article on the stats that shows just how much pet owners love & emotionally attach to their dogs as people do with their children? Isn’t that the most current research findings? Our 8-mo old English Mastiff is 120 pounds of rambunctious puppy. I’m turning away any & all people who are afraid of dogs unless this is the dog they want to overcome their fears with. Because my love for my puppy is more than my love for my SILs/BILs.
martin734 2 years ago
I know I am going to get downvoted for this but I am on the side of the OP. Your sister in law's problems are her problems not yours. While I am all in favour of making reasonable adjustments to accommodate other people, expecting you to put a newly adopted dog into kennels for her visit is not what I would consider reasonable. I fully understand and sympathise with trauma and the anxiety it causes, I have been there myself, but expecting everyone to adapt and adjust to accommodate her is neither reasonable or fair. If she is unable or unwilling to get help and treatment for her mental health then she needs to accept that there are things that she won't be able to do if they are triggering for her.
HangryHangryHippo 2 years ago
Heart heatedly agree with you. I have a rescue and I would've done the same if being in OP's shoes. Adopting a dog with trauma means a lot of work, patience and love (we were bitten in several occasions by ours, and worked with a dog behaviorist and even medication for years). Sheesh, we still work with him every day for him to feel welcomed, respected and loved. God knows what kind of regression the dog can go through if sent to a kennel. Bad luck with the choice of words (I didn't read it as a dig to SIL) but the sentiment remains, they did try to accommodate her to the best of their capabilities, but no dice.
Load More Replies... Boo-Urns 2 years ago
I am so tired of hearing about people and their "triggers". That is a YOU problem, not a problem for everyone around you. If YOU can't handle a certain type of animal, or person, or situation, then it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to avoid it.
Rostit. . 2 years ago
100%. while i have no issues being aware of peoples triggers and i will do a reasonable amount to not activate them, i will only do that if they are actively working on helping themselves. its not anyone elses responsibility except the person who has the issue to get it dealt with. thats life. there are things from my past that bother me(technically triggers) but thats my problem. I can not subject myself to the situation or I can work with the therapist to get through it. its not the hosts job.
Load More Replies... StumblingThroughLife 2 years ago (edited)
After adopting rescue dogs (3x10yrs each time), I can sympathise with the OP. One in particular had been injured by a man and struggled to be around them, but he gradually began to accept the male side of my family and friends. Because of his (permanent) injury, he spent over a year in an animal shelter. He was about 18mths old when I took him home (nobody else wanted him), thin and mangy, so NO WAY would I have ever sent him back to any kind of kennel environment. I initially missed the OPs response to the SiL, but having it pointed out, yes, she could have handled it better (prob didn't think how bad her comment was att). But still, after SiL refusing the offer of separating them, I would still NOT do that to my dog - a part of my family.
Gardener of Weeden 2 years ago
100% After we adopted our pup, we would not even bring him with us when we dropped off donations. It took almost a year for him not to get upset when we took his collar off.
Load More Replies... Sathe Wesker 2 years ago
I was attacked by a Rottweiler when I was about 9… still have the scars. Wasn’t my dog but my dad’s bosses, my dad was the one who pulled her off me. I knew that dog since she was a pup and was also raised with dogs and cats, her owner was TA and she snapped for reasons I still can’t fathom (I think my friend and I were simply being too loud and she full on turned in the middle of a field during a walk (unleashed) and just charged me). Regardless, even at that age, I recognized it wasn’t fully the dogs fault. I’ve owned dogs since, and big ones. I can see the logic behind her fear but I also think shes overdramatize her “trauma”…. However, with saying that, people do deal with their own traumas to each their own. Still, that dog is adopted and in the middle of learning how to deal with his own trauma and it is 100% the owner’s responsibility to guide that process and an adult human should understand that and accept the compromises offered.
Marno C. 2 years ago
1. The thing about "triggers" is that the person who has them is responsible for having strategies for recognizing and managing them. Their trauma is the "gun" and those things come with triggers. The rest of the world can't and won't modify itself for something something as individual as somebody's health issues. Nice when it happens, but you can't move forward in your life expecting it. 2. OP might just need to drop the Christmas bomb of saying, "While I am sorry that I accidentally hurt SIL's feelings, it is clear that what our household has to offer is not what the family wants or needs out of a host. Looks like the family is going to need another plan." Push back on the pushiness.
Lisa B 2 years ago
NTA. I have three dogs. My house is full of dog hair. Sometimes people who come over complain about the dog hair. Said complainers are told "THEY (the dogs) live here, YOU don't, sorry about the mess, there's a lint roller in the bathroom".
Imagineer 2 years ago
I have a great metal decorative sign in my house that says the dogs are my family and if you don't like hair, don't sit on the furniture, and that chances are I like the dogs better than people.
Load More Replies... MoMcB 2 years ago
I don't understand how you can be that afraid of dogs and manage life day to day? Everywhere I go, there are dogs (love them), but wouldn't it be safer to have therapy? When I did have a dog, I was walking him in a local park on a lead, and a child was scared - I came around a corner and met the child and his mother. He nearly went into water, just on seeing my dog. I turned away but I'd be afraid they
MoMcB 2 years ago
But I'd be afraid they would move into traffic on a footpath. The SIL needs therapy, if she cannot even listen to a dog.
Load More Replies... Mckyla Earl 2 years ago
My dogs are my family. They come first for me. If the SIL has a problem, they could sleep at a hotel nearby if they think they can't sleep with a dog in the house. She has that option and it won't traumatize her to do it. Boarding an abused and recovering dog in a kennel for the Holidays is cruel and traumatizing itself. Not only that but there are diseases he could catch, especially the potentially fatal one going around now.
ॐBoyGanesh 2 years ago
I’m trying to imagine if I were invited to be a gracious houseguest somewhere that would fundamentally give me anxiety. Would I see if I could be accommodated or would I be such a self-serving entitled brat that I, myself, would weaponize my past trauma then DARVO the host. Clearly, this is an abstract hypothetical, because NO! I’d never ask for such an accommodation. Certainly wouldn’t demand it then vilify my host. This would be an opportunity for me to confront my fear or, if that’s not plausible, I’d stay in a hotel. Didn’t BP recently post an article on the stats that shows just how much pet owners love & emotionally attach to their dogs as people do with their children? Isn’t that the most current research findings? Our 8-mo old English Mastiff is 120 pounds of rambunctious puppy. I’m turning away any & all people who are afraid of dogs unless this is the dog they want to overcome their fears with. Because my love for my puppy is more than my love for my SILs/BILs.
You May Like Woman Never Suspected Anything Weird With BF, Then Finds Out His True Age And Wants To Break Up “I Can’t Allow Her To Live With Us”: Man’s Suspicions About Why His Wife’s Dog Went Missing Are Confirmed Woman Starts Crying After She Finds Out The Gift She Unknowingly Refused From Son’s Partner
Rūta Zumbrickaitė
Ilona Baliūnaitė
Viktorija Ošikaitė
Related on Bored Panda
69
134