This is insane. Contrary to all the efforts of so many people to show that being disabled doesn't mean you can't achieve or are not worth listening to, OP's mother has made her daughter's disability the centre of the universe for her other daughter, thus keeping both daughters hostage. Yes, the sister is disabled and yes, it's very sad and must be hard for her but no, it doesn't mean you can't be glad for someone else or have empathy for someone else. If hearing your sister's good news is enough for you to break down, you should see someone on the double. My guess is that the mother hasn't dealt with her daughter's disability and is projecting. Oh and yes, my husband is disabled and has been for more than 30 years.

Yeh this must be "fun" from the disabled sister's perspective too. NO happy news no new events gets shared with her about her family members... What can she conclude other than her family being stuck in a limbo of caring for her. She is the huge burden on them that explain why their lives halted! Good strategy guys. Really good strategy... It almost sounds designed by the most evil abelists ever. Too evil to be an accident... Just imagine the guilt she must feel. For me even as a kid and with a happy normal family i still felt guilt for being disabled and making life harder for my parents and siblings. I could not imagine if my own mom reminded me of that every day...

Why would sis be upset about op getting engaged if she's already married. There's also no reason why op's sister can't get a desk job and be able to afford a car eventually, there are a lot of people in wheelchairs that have lucrative jobs.

I think mom may be enabling the older daughter. It sounds like she may be running things because her daughter ‘can’t’ because of the accident. If the whole family is spending all their free time at the sister’s home 3 years later taking care of things, she’s not learning to have an independent daily life. This in and of its self may make her feel that she is incapable of being a productive human being, which could lead to depression. All this to say, yes sister’s happiness could negatively affect her, but mom’s enabling is where the damage is coming from. Sis needs low contact with family, but keep contact with sis and encourage her.

I think OP can say the exact same thing here to her family and leave it at that. If they realize how hurtful it has been to OP, they will amend. If they are set on their ways, then I'm not sure why is there any reason to say anything to them.

The sister being sad at younger sisters good news seems like resentment that OP is living her life and achieving things when older sister feels like she cannot do the same. Except she already has done the same, she is married, has children and a home. My now low contact sister has always been the same with me, filled with resentment at any little thing she believes I have achieved, it's frankly spiteful jealousy. My sister married had w girls, divorced and then ran Amoco building constant debts mum and dad had to bail her out of. I never married or had children a d live a simple life now being carer to mum and was carer to dad....but I am the lucky one in her eyes, the "spoilt" one. I had to dump her a*s and only deal with her on the most basic level when she calls to speak to mum, she lives in a different state. Took me most of my life to stop pandering to her woe is me every damn time we spoke.

She should block them on social media then make all her announcements on there, so parents can find out through the grapevine that she's engaged or whatever. Then when parents complain bring up how you can't share food new because it might make sister feel bad.

Your sister has children, who will reach many milestones and achievements, are your parents going to tell them to stuff it too when THEY come home with their report cards or won a competition or got a spot on a team? No, because life continues on, and keeping all the joy in the family and surrounding world out of your sisters environment will leave only the despair.

If the sister is truly saddened by any good news others have, then she needs to get some therapy or something to deal with that. It might be a reasonable feeling for the first few months, maybe a year, but going on three years shows some kind of lasting trauma that needs to be worked through. Also, just because she can't use her legs, doesn't mean she needs family help constantly, plenty of wheelchair users are perfectly functional adults, parents, etc.

Why does she owe her sister any apology?

I think the family, rather their behavior, is the problem. Hear me out...as kids stuff happens, good and bad. We learn that events do Not define us. Rather, it is how you deal with it and keep going. Everyone, except OP, is so focused on your sister and the fact that she can't walk. Which in turn, is really being focused on that one event. They are making her think that any life worth living is in the past. Wrong! I'm guessing the sister is in therapy. (If not, she should be.) Instead of hiding life events, share them. Celebrate. Just include the sister. She needs to stop focusing on what she can't do and focus on what she can & will do. Wish I had a family like yours. I had to beg my brother/SIL to pick me up from surgery (gallbladder) and drop off my prescription at the d**g store. (Hospital policy, No taxi/lyft) I dare not ask them to pick up my script the next day. (Even though they live 20min from me.) So, I drove myself the nextmorning.

so nta. the accident was 3 yrs ago? i am sure that the change in her life must have been devastating. there is no mention of any other issues except her being paralyzed from the waist down. if her disability is limited to that (this may or may not include having to have a catheter, etc.) then perhaps the sister needs to start being more proactive in her life and not depend on family for constant support. i have spent time in a chair & the way things are going will have to go back into one in the future. it sucks bc you can't always do what others do. there is a period where a person 'mourns' their lack of ability. but, like any other type of grief it needs to be worked through & not define the future. issues like her marriage are hers to work through as well. be a listening ear but not an enabler. had to distant myself from my mom bc she wanted to do everything for me instead of letting me figure it out. maybe have a talk w/sister & find out how she wants to be helped.

As a person who has become disabled in my 40s, I feel like I can understand the older sister's frustration at her condition... BUT that has f**k all to do with anyone else. I couldn't imagine needing to shove someone else down because their happiness makes ME feel bad! Yes, it sucks that literally everything is hard - things as simple as making food, putting on a pair of shoes, getting out of the house. I take joy in what I can do for others, not sadness in their joy. It's up to the sister to figure out how to move forward because life doesn't stop, for you or people around you.

Na sis unfortunately will spend the rest of her life watching others do things she can't anymore. That doesn't mean you don't get to celebrate yours.