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Pregnant Woman Wonders If It’s Rude To Exclude Infertile SIL Who’s Prone To Emotional Outbursts
Being a mom is a painful yet wonderful moment. All the new things that you get to experience right from the pregnancy to the delivery can be quite phenomenal as you bring a tiny human into this world. And if someone keeps dampening it for you, some people prefer to keep distance from such a person.
So, Reddit user Square-Spirit7985 was pondering whether she should invite her sister-in-law who has been struggling with infertility and breaks down every time babies are even mentioned. And although she insists on attending baby showers and gender reveal parties in the family, she has always been morose at them.
More info: Reddit
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The poster of this story is 29 weeks pregnant while her sister-in-law, Jane, has had fertility issues for over a decade
Image credits: Kristina Paukshtite (not the actual photo)
One day, when the family visited the poster, they were checking out the nursery and talking about babies, all of which was too much for Jane, leading to a tearful breakdown
Image credits: u/Square-Spirit7985
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Jane said that they all talk about babies now that the poster is pregnant and felt that her mother-in-law treats her differently due to her infertility
Image credits: u/Square-Spirit7985
Jane insists on attending baby-related events in the family but is always miserable, so the poster wants to uninvite her from her baby shower as she might ruin the vibe
The original poster (OP) gives us a little background information that she got pregnant with twins as soon as she went off birth control. However, her sister-in-law, Jane, was not so lucky as she has had fertility issues and has been trying for a baby for over a decade.
One day, the family had gathered at OP’s house when they were talking about babies and then they went to see the nursery. Jane excused herself and went outside, but came in as it was hot. Now, while their baby talk continued, Jane had a breakdown and started crying. Well, when you look at what she has gone through, it was a natural response.
She also went on a rant about how they just talk about babies now that OP is pregnant and she felt excluded from everything. She also felt that her mother-in-law didn’t treat her properly because of her infertility. Her response does draw empathy because her situation is tough.
However, the poster goes on to say that it is not just a few instances that this has happened. In fact, Jane has insisted on attending all the baby showers and gender reveal parties in the family, but would “wallow in her misery” during the events. Sometimes, she would even cry. Now, OP says that she doesn’t want Jane to ruin the vibe or bring negative energy to her baby shower.
She has been contemplating uninviting her altogether. But her mom says that she shouldn’t do that as Jane is family and they need to support her rather than exclude her more. Probably feeling confused about what to do in the situation, she vented online and asked Redditors whether it would be wrong to uninvite Jane.
Image credits: Polina Tankilevitch (not the actual photo)
People online had divided opinions as they debated whether the poster uninviting her sister-in-law from her baby shower would be the right thing to do. There were quite a few people who sympathized with the sister-in-law and the pain that she was going through because of the infertility.
Studies have shown that infertile couples experience significant anxiety and emotional distress. When a round of fertility treatments proves to be unsuccessful, for instance, women and couples can experience deep feelings of grief and loss. On top of this, she has already been feeling excluded from the family. People felt that uninviting her would further increase these feelings.
On the other hand, there were many people who felt that the poster is not wrong in wanting to have a baby shower that’s just about her and her baby. And it’s completely fine to feel that she doesn’t want anyone ruining it for her, no matter how close that person may be. They also said that Jane should not attend these events for her own mental well-being.
Folks also advised the poster that although kids are a big part of people’s lives, they should also have their own lives and not make everything or every conversation about their kids. They should also have an adults-only event where Jane feels included in their conversations. And they believe that she should talk to Jane about things before directly uninviting her.
As per Psychology Today, “Most parents who care deeply for their children and strive to be good parents will at times struggle with living vicariously through their children. We can also neglect to develop other aspects of our own lives. There are times when the demands of our children make it difficult to have much of a life outside of work and caring for them. However, even in those times, it is important for parents to get a life of their own. In the long run, this will make them better parents.”
Seems like what people online stressed had some logic behind it. Well, what would you do if you were in the poster’s shoes? We would love to hear your thoughts. Make sure you leave them in the comments below!
Netizens were divided as some felt that the poster was wrong and some didn’t, although most of them advised her to have a proper conversation with Jane before disinviting her
Image credits: Sofia Alejandra (not the actual photo)
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What do you think ?
Alexandra 4 months ago
I can't pretend to know what it is like not to be able to conceive, but I do think in general that it's not fair to bring your sorrows to someone else's party.
frinny 4 months ago
agreed, but as you say you don't know what it feels like when you're treated like a leper because you can't have kids. trust me I know
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Jeremy James 4 months ago
Maybe I'm missing something because I don't have a uterus, but in the decade of trying and IVF, did SIL never consider adoption as a path to Motherhood?
Loch Ness Monster 4 months ago
Adoption isn't always easy or possible and in some countries can cost more than IVF. People talk about it like it's as simple as going to a pet shop/shelter and adopting a puppy. It's not.
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Alexandra 4 months ago
I can't pretend to know what it is like not to be able to conceive, but I do think in general that it's not fair to bring your sorrows to someone else's party.
frinny 4 months ago
agreed, but as you say you don't know what it feels like when you're treated like a leper because you can't have kids. trust me I know
Load More Replies... Jeremy James 4 months ago
Maybe I'm missing something because I don't have a uterus, but in the decade of trying and IVF, did SIL never consider adoption as a path to Motherhood?
Loch Ness Monster 4 months ago
Adoption isn't always easy or possible and in some countries can cost more than IVF. People talk about it like it's as simple as going to a pet shop/shelter and adopting a puppy. It's not.
Load More Replies...
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