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Slow-Distribution119 , Ilya Pavlov Report

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents A second chance to do it better when you have kids. Every time I got angry or upset with my own children, I would take a breath and think about what my mom would do—and then do the exact opposite. Lots of laughter and forgiveness in our house and zero violence. My mantra has always been “there is value in a bad example.”

Final score:

480points

POST

Magpie 2 years ago

Well done!!!! I admire and respect your courage and sanity.

153points

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Doing everything yourself, not asking for help, because you knew no help was coming.

nch1307 , frank mckenna Report

Final score:

458points

POST

Magpie 2 years ago

Was shocked reading a re-imagined story about Cinderella " other kids knew they could ask any adult for help - and get it, not Rella ". My sister and I were both kind of Cinderella.

68points

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Never believing a compliment. Always being anxious that people are mad at you/ignoring you if they're being quiet/not responding. Not being able to deal with confrontation/conflict in a constructive/healthy way.

Basically you get shitty people skills and emotional damage.

nisharfa , Joice Kelly Report

Final score:

455points

POST

Rylosalex 2 years ago

Same here. Whenever someone told me that I did a good job on something I would instantly think "Did I really do a good job? or is she/he just feeling sorry for me?"

102points

Over-explain the tiniest issues because of a compulsive need to justify every thought, action or inaction

darermave Report

Final score:

427points

POST

Jeffery 2 years ago

As well as an ability to lie wonderuflly...

142points

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents You can't identify your own emotions immediately, or sometimes at all, but can identify others without them having to say a word. Don't know how to react to things in the moment, and are extremely mature for your age. Mature kids often aren't a result of great parenting.

Louminous19 , Arwan Sutanto Report

Final score:

381points

POST

a fruity dream of delusion 2 years ago

i cannot say enough how true this is. i’ve wondered why i am always so uncomfortable if i am unable to read someone, and this really explains it.

94points

I had to sneak out of the house through my bedroom window to go to school and take my finals because my mom locked my room from the outside. This was punishment because I wouldn’t do the dishes because I was cramming for my exams. To top it off after she locked me in my room she went to the breaker and turned off the lights to my bedroom so I wouldn’t have any lighting to study and I had to spend the whole night studying with a flashlight.

I aced all my exams. And instead of my mother being proud of me she locked me up in my room for a week for sneaking out.

I ended up going to college and grad school in STEM and made something of myself. And now she brags to people that I am successful because of her. When she says that I tell her and everyone “absolutely not! I’m successful DESPITE her”.

Witty_Goose_7724 Report

Final score:

372points

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weewoo 2 years ago

oh i am so happy for this person. they managd to get good grades with bad parents? now thats a great achievment

163points

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents The panicked rush to jump and start “doing something” when you hear someone come in the house. Lest you be subjected to a barrage of insults and commands.

sadhandjobs , Volha Flaxeco Report

Final score:

371points

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Kristi Savage Cook 2 years ago

OMG this! Heaven forbid I'd be resting while nobody was home to see or comment....

112points

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Why is nobody mentioning the silent foot steps?

When you grow up with parents that will yell at you for existing you develop the ability to hide your presence as much as possible and always try to keep your noise and visibility to a minimum.

xaxiwan102 , Jake Hills Report

Final score:

362points

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weewoo 2 years ago

and you also leanr whos steps are whos when they are walking up and down the stairs.

188points

#10

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Emotional numbness especially in the face of bad things. Once you've seen enough shit certain things just don't faze you anymore

UnhappyField102 , - - Report

Final score:

326points

POST

SparkleFarts 2 years ago

And not knowing how to comfort someone. Like I know I should feel something, but I just don't.

133points

#11

Okay lets do it -

self doubt, self esteem issues and overall not feeling good enough or feeling like you have an intense obligation or expectation to fulfil to keep your parents happy.

The inability to know what you want or not knowing how to say no when someone asks something of you in fear they will react poorly.

Inability to be assertive and telling people what you are/aren't ok with.

Not having high values of yourself and putting everyone else before you.

Feeling guilt the minute you 'let someone down.'

TRIGGER WORDS - example 'I'm disappointed'

Having a habit of toxic and repetitive relationships with friends and partners. Also switching around friend groups often or having little to none.

Feeling emotionally inept or being extremely emotional and feeling like you cannot express it.

Difficulty with maintaining life skills, self care, hygiene, finances ect

feeling like a child stuck in an adults body

anon Report

Final score:

308points

POST

Magpie 2 years ago

Yes all of these are too familiar.

82points

#12

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents You apologize for everything you do, good or bad.

JBLBEBthree , Arif Riyanto Report

Final score:

268points

POST

a fruity dream of delusion 2 years ago

i apologize because i’m just worried that i might mess something up.

72points

chilifavela , Fernando @cferdophotography Report

#13

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Paranoia when people are just being nice. Like why are you being friendly? What do I have that you want from me?

Final score:

266points

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Alexia 2 years ago

Or "Why are they nice to me? Are they actually mocking me?"

5points

#14

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Being a people-pleaser to the point of it being detrimental to yourself

Wips_and_Chains , Ryoji Iwata Report

Final score:

261points

POST

Magpie 2 years ago

Oh yes!

38points

#15

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents being really good at hiding things (physical or mental). being able to sneak something to my room, being able to look like i haven't cried even though i was five minutes ago.

soggy-sleeves , bady abbas Report

Final score:

247points

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Agent 8433599 2 years ago

I relate to this the most.

48points

EnialisHolimion , Kelli McClintock Report

#16

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Being afraid that you'll continue the cycle and treat your kids terribly

Final score:

246points

POST

a fruity dream of delusion 2 years ago

i don’t want kids. mostly because i know there is no way i would be able to handle them.

101points

#17

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents You are in your 40s and still crave attention and validation from anyone at all because you were ignored all the time.

JBLBEBthree , Alex Blăjan Report

Final score:

236points

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Lakota Wolf 2 years ago (edited)

::raises hand:: I'm 40 right now and I still have "the class clown" personality because at least if people are laughing at me, they're paying attention to me, right? Right?!

118points

#18

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents When i tell stories of my childhood that i think are funny but my friends stare in horror

probablykelz , Daiga Ellaby Report

Final score:

233points

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Lakota Wolf 2 years ago

"Haha, omg guys, so once when I was 6, my dad was about to leave on a business trip and my mom grabbed me, pressed the revolver she'd gotten from my grandpa into my throat under my chin, and told my dad that if he left on one more business trip, she'd kill us kids and then herself! Isn't that hilarious?" (that is a true story from my childhood, sadly)

232points

#19

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Being surprised people will apologize and want to talk out and deal with an issue instead of screaming and pretending everything is fine and never mentioning why there was a fight or argument at all.

ToastedMaple , kevin laminto Report

Final score:

222points

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Lakota Wolf 2 years ago

I was always terrified of my mother as a young child, because one moment she would be screaming at me, beating me, and throwing me across the room, and then 5 minutes later she'd come into the room smiling with a plate of cookies she'd just baked all "Do you want a cookie, Cryssie?" I was off-balance all the time because I had NO idea what I'd done to make her angry, nor why she suddenly wasn't angry AT ALL any more, and I was terrified that I'd do whatever I'd done to p**s her off again and she'd go nuclear again in the next 30 seconds. I had no idea that that wasn't normal.

119points

AverageLegoGameFan , Juliane Liebermann Report

#20

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents When you really don’t remember any good times you spent with them.

Final score:

216points

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Lisa H 2 years ago

There were some good times in my childhood, but I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop because it always, always did. Every day, good or bad, would end with my dad being in a bad mood for some stupid reason.

93points

ESQBOJaguar , Justin Snyder Photo Report

#21

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Not reacting appropriately to ordinary situations. Usually an overreaction to a normal situation or underreacting to very messed up situations.

Final score:

206points

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Alexia 2 years ago

Yeah. This is when survival instincts kick in, based on previous experience with your parents. I overreacted so many times in normal situations, because I felt in danger - and obviously this affected my relationships.

42points

#22

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents My dad was yelling at me once and I couldn't take it so I made a snappy comment back. Instinctively I threw my hands up to block the blow I knew was coming. But then they both tried to convince me that my dad has never hit me before and why would I act like that.....so physically abusive and mentally abusive with gas lighting

DV_Police10 , Caleb Woods Report

Final score:

199points

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Lakota Wolf 2 years ago

My older sister gets pissed when I talk about how abusive my mother was towards me. She'll say "Mom never HIT you!" Uh, mom used to cut me with the kitchen knives, not just hit me/throw me across the room. But my sister is my parents' biological child, and I'm adopted. My sister is just like my mother and is/was "the perfect child", so she was never yelled at or hit while we were growing up.

92points

#23

Can’t explain myself without crying

iiJojo Report

Final score:

188points

POST

Brazen 2 years ago

Frustration tears, angry tears, sad tears, and tears from laughing too hard...basically all the crying. I'd give anything for this to not be a knee jerk reaction from my body.

100points

#24

Someone raises their voice- doesn't even have to be in anger; they could just have a deep voice but suddenly its *loud* - and your first reaction is to either shrink in on yourself or focus on anything but their face and wait for your throat to stop feeling so tight or for your eyes to stop watering.

Coffee_Addict019 Report

Final score:

188points

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a fruity dream of delusion 2 years ago

this!!! i have never been able to describe the feeling i get when someone becomes loud- it has always terrified me.

71points

#25

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents When, as an adult, you witness an example of good parenting - and experience a sense of shock, and get dizzy.

Journeyman-Joe , Sarah Medina Report

Final score:

172points

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Magpie 2 years ago

THIS. Spent a weekend at a friend's home. Was shocked how nice her parents were. Was shocked how she could joke *with* them.

74points

Embarrassed-Swan3568 , Kelly Sikkema Report

#26

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents You remember being severely neglected yet you were told “you are spoiled.”

Final score:

168points

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Lakota Wolf 2 years ago

I'm apparently "spoiled" because I was adopted! My biological mother was an unmarried alcoholic/drug addict who already had two other children (from unknown fathers) and she didn't even have working utilities in her trailer. I was told from a very early age (5ish or so) that I needed to be grateful because I had been taken away from such a HORRIBLE situation and brought to have a "normal" life. Apparently that = me being spoiled.

61points

#27

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Unable to form or desire romantic attachments and not to forget the numerous mental illnesses you have no control over because your parent doesn’t believe in poor mental health so allowed you to go undiagnosed your whole life :)

ooopsadestructy , Dương Hữu Report

Final score:

160points

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alex cosgrove 2 years ago

Mine treated me like I was slow. My twin was very book smart. Took a therapist when I was 16 to test my math skills (first diagnosis) and at 23 I got the full testing to find out, nope not slow.. lots of mental disabilities.. I cried hysterically because I finally had a name to the learning disabilities that plagued my life. Best day of my life.

93points

#28

Not being able to recognize affection or how to show it healthily.

TwoLaysea Report

Final score:

157points

POST

Brazen 2 years ago

Wanting it and not getting healthy affection is equally as painful.

66points

bombaderogato , Priscilla Du Preez Report

#29

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents A fantastic sense of humor

Final score:

157points

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Lakota Wolf 2 years ago

Making jokes hides the pain! If you can make others laugh, even if they're laughing AT you, then you are a-o-kay. I'm a master "class clown"/comedian and most of my jokes are self-deprecating.

83points

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

See Also on Bored Panda

Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

#30

- Thinking you do everything wrong, even small daily tasks, and at a certain moment you hear other people compliment you about doing it well or asking why I am a perfectionist.

- Always apologizing for everything, multiple times

- When people say something, you suspect that they mean something else, something you did wrong, buy they won't tell you until they get so mad they burst.

- Extremely nauseous feelings when someone gets irritated or angry

Ananoriel Report

Final score:

154points

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Kristi Savage Cook 2 years ago

I've tried to explain to my husband what it's like to ALWAYS feel that things are my fault. If anyone is ever unhappy in my circle, it's my fault and it's my responsibility to fix what's wrong. I think it It must be amazing not to feel this way.

55points

#31

I can never open up to them. No matter how big or small my problems are, because they'll just tell me I'm being dramatic.

notcindymae Report

Final score:

154points

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SparkleFarts 2 years ago

Yep. There have been a lot of days lately when I really needed to "talk to my mom" but that's just not an option

52points

#32

You don't talk to them anymore or want them in your life otherwise as an adult (e.g., not inviting them to your wedding, or want them around any potential children you may have).

Cuish Report

Final score:

136points

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Magpie 2 years ago (edited)

Cutting off all contact was one of the sanest things I have ever done for myself. And telling social services that my nephews must a NEVER be left alone with either grandparent was also. edit:Life is a bit complicated for them.

64points

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

See Also on Bored Panda

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#33

Lot of anger problems

Samuelwankenobi_ Report

Final score:

134points

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SparkleFarts 2 years ago

Because anger was the only acceptable emotion

61points

#34

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents They don’t want you to have any better of a life than they did

tunaball25 , Luemen Rutkowski Report

Final score:

121points

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Hatred Pony 2 years ago

So much this. I had several opportunities as a teen that were never even discussed but shot down immediately. A trip to Greece for $400 with my class (better believe I would try to scrape that money together for my kids), an invitation to study abroad and the big one, admittance into art school my junior year of highschool. My mom never wanted me to succeed or have anything better than she ever had and she pulled opportunities out from under me any chance she had. I even won "sweetheart" at a Valentine's dance at church as a kid, I was so thrilled then because I never won a thing. In the car on the way home she told me about a lady who said I was very rude to her when she said I looked pretty. I couldn't then recall anything close to this situation , she called me a liar and made me feel awful. It wasn't until much later in life that I realized she was the liar.

70points

Extension_Payment525 Report

#35

My mother treats me like her personal therapist and I'm only 17. She asks me where she went wrong in raising my brother and I and I don't want to tell her because I'm scared of her when she yells.

Final score:

121points

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Magpie 2 years ago

Oh yes. Recognize this one.

28points

Ba-Na-Na 2 years ago

I somehow became the personal & relationship therapist for my mom at age 10. For some reason she thought it okay to unload on me…. 🤷🏼‍♀️ 😔

9points

Kate 2 years ago

Cut that off. She'll never quit.

4points

Bethany Heller 2 years ago

That doesn't work out well. I've tried. I have a similar situation with my mom and if i try to get away from her rants I'm being unsupportive and nobody loves her and so forth

1point

Alana Voeks 2 years ago

I actually started going into vet meds first (before I realized I cannot pass college biology or chemistry to save my life), and they would always come up to me with medical stuff. 1) You aren't a pet 2) I'm not that far along. Now that I've got my bachelor's in psych, my mother basically uses me as her therapist and I'm just like...I can't give you any actual advice because then you'll just snap at me. So, no, I am not your therapist (and guys and gals that treat your SO as a therapist, don't. It's gruelling work, and they won't be able to actually give you any advice because they won't wanna hurt your feelings and you won't listen fully anyways).

3points

David Force 2 years ago

Congratulations on figuring out what you didn’t want to do for the rest of your life and for getting your Bachelors degree, it’s a big deal. I’m sure you know this but you may have to further your education to have more career options. (Sorry it’s just the Dad in me wanting the best for you) Good luck!

2points

Destiny Harrison 2 years ago

When you turn 18 you can move out. When you do set clear boundaries because it'll never stop if you don't. I wish I had. I'm nearly 40 and my mother still calls me when she needs to really deal with a ton of issues. Like I should not be more mature than the adult that birthed me.

3points

von Krawall 2 years ago

The best tip i can give you is to move far away as soon as you are able too. It will take some time to.find new friends that will become your family but its all worth it.

2points

thatonelesbiangorwl 2 years ago

i am my whole familys therepist and i carry everything on my shoulders so not that many friends at school but my contact is open if yall wanna talk

1point

Bananic 2 years ago

i cant have or even imagine what a healthy romantic relationship is cuz my mum always used me as her emotional dumpster. i now kind of get why she did it but i was not even 10.

1point

Wednesday 1 year ago

Mom probably had it bad as a kid and trusts you. Too much for a kud, I know. I did the same thing to mine and I wish I could have been a better parent. I've enemy's gotten much much better and have good relationships with my kids. But don't really talk to my mom.

0points

Hamilfan 2 years ago

lying about my siblings cause I'm afraid she'll be mad if I defend them

0points

UselessKnowledgeFont 2 years ago

Mine started doing this when I was in second grade. I was told it was my duty to ask about her day and listen to the entire emotional info dump

0points

Memoryerror 2 years ago (edited)

I felt like my mother's therapist from a pre-teen age as my father emotionally abused her and gaslit her constantly. Trying to explain to her what he was doing without ever hearing the term gaslight, or even 'emotional' abuse. I tried to convince her to leave him for decades. Now he has so many health problems and dementia and all she does is take care of him.

0points

Tina Hugh 2 years ago

I relate strongly to this

0points

Jessany Trotter 2 years ago

That’s emotional abuse and that’s so wrong of her to do that to you…

0points

Hannah 2 years ago

22 and I still deal with this one from my mother. Only difference is now that I live states away and she knows if she yells or gets dramatic with me I'll hang up on her no hesitation.

0points

TheEvilMom 2 years ago

Oh baby! I've been there. When you don't like with her anymore, and you're ready. Tell her to stop. You'll probably have to tell her more than once. Prepare for her to be angry with you and to accept whatever her reaction is. One day you'll be able to enforce boundary that are good for you. Good luck!

0points

Arizona 2 years ago

Or when my mom asks if she’s a mean mom but I don’t want to tell her

0points

Robin Childers 2 years ago

Honey, get out NOW! Don't look back.

0points

LynzCatastrophe 2 years ago

That was my job. I told her to stop because all she did was complain about her health without doing anything about it and complain about my dad. She took that as I was taking my dad's side and got offended. Yet trying to talk to her about anything? Nope! Not happening.

0points

phoenix_rising 2 years ago

That one time my dad asked me "What do I do well at with parenting, and how can I improve?" and I was so shocked and had a million thoughts rushing through my head that I couldn't say for fear of him being angry or hurt that I didn't say much of anything at all

0points

Haywood Jablome 2 years ago

Raising your brother and *me*

0points

Sparkle 2 years ago

I went through this, and everything (literally everything) that was "wrong" would be my fault. Well, now that I have kids of my own - my problems are not and never will be their problems.

0points

Stolas 2 years ago

my fiancés mom does this one...

0points

Verified Loser 2 years ago

Yep

0points

#36

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Apologizing constantly

Stopsign09 , Jack Lucas Smith Report

Final score:

116points

POST

Magpie 2 years ago

I still apologize to the wall when I bump into it.

51points

NoticeWhenUAreHappy Report

#37

Even at 31 feeling like if I get close to anyone they'll find a way to take advantage of me

Final score:

115points

POST

Kristi Savage Cook 2 years ago

Or they'll find out who you are

56points

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

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French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

#38

You're raised by people who can barely function, people who are basically at subsistence level. So you have no tools to be successful in the real world. There's no support other than vague crappy advice to just keep plugging along. You know that everything you get in life can disappear in a moment, and no one will be there to provide for you. Worse, your parents are expecting that you'll somehow magically provide for them in their old age. They send you out into the world with worse-than-s**t life skills, and they expect you to support them.

paxinfernum Report

Final score:

114points

POST

T'Mar of Vulcan 2 years ago

When your valid feelings are dismissed with the words, "You've got to be better than that."

30points

#39

Feeling weird when people tell you that they love you, recieving hugs, feeling weirded out when you have to give hugs, and my personal favorite, being at the end of the favorite's list

jaynvius Report

Final score:

113points

POST

a fruity dream of delusion 2 years ago

i like hugs. but one of my friends constantly calls me her favorite, and is very affectionate, and i get very confused. like, why me??

31points

#40

Not knowing a lot of things that are "common sense" and not realizing til you're an adult yourself

maggyta10 Report

Final score:

100points

POST

Magpie 2 years ago

Yes as a student nurse there were some really basic things I didn't know. Like where adults use talc powder. *arm pits and groin.

21points

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

See Also on Bored Panda

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

#41

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents If you're the eldest, an extreme urge to help and "save" your younger siblings, even to the detriment of your own mental health.

monster3381 , Juliane Liebermann Report

Final score:

98points

POST

Magpie 2 years ago

I'm the youngest and I constantly tried to save my older sister. From her drug addictions, from the poverty, from her abusive husband.....and so on. It was *all* my fault.

33points

Creative_Recover , https://unsplash.com/photos/VTE4SN2I9s0 Report

#42

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents When you are telling a story which you think is a funny story from your childhood, only for someone to turn around and tell you "That's not normal".



If you've grown up in a very dysfunctional household, then not only is your norm set at a very messed up bar, but things that would be horrifying to others might be funny to you because of where your norm was set at. Examples of this can include "funny stories" that actually featured a lot of violent or neglect.

Final score:

93points

POST

Lakota Wolf 2 years ago (edited)

Yep. I've told my friends "funny stories" of times when my mom cut me with kitchen knives, or times when she'd hit me only below the neck so that "no one would see the bruises", or how funny it was that when I was small and light, she'd throw me across the room and into the walls. My friends would be all O_O; and then hug me.

42points

#43

Parents that lean more on you in rough times when it should be 100% the other way around

WeLoveYouJoshua Report

Final score:

92points

POST

Lakota Wolf 2 years ago

I was 18 and planning to move out, when my dad had an accident that resulted in a catastrophic brain injury. He had such extensive brain damage that he was bedridden, could not speak/communicate or understand, had to wear diapers, and had to have a feeding tube installed. My mother refused to hire professional caregivers for him, so I was his primary caregiver for the next 21 years (he died last year). I never moved out. My dad was a wonderful person and a great father, so I willingly cared for him because I loved him, but it was pretty awful that my mother assumed that well OF COURSE I'd stay living at home and take care of him so that she could go to the casinos/on vacation whenever she wanted.

61points

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

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“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

#44

You can’t stick to your boundaries

Jaded_Research_2099 Report

Final score:

87points

POST

Magpie 2 years ago

What are boundaries? Had to learn about them from a psychologist.

47points

#45

Self-harm such as cutting

SuvenPan Report

Final score:

83points

POST

Magpie 2 years ago

And taking far too many pills and alcohol just to stop thinking about it all.

36points

#46

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents Uncomfortably into Disney stuff well into old age. I've noticed that a lot of hardcore Disney fans AS ADULTS (I'm talking people who buy the plates, cups, figures, cookie jars, plush characters, etc) often have had bad parents or experiences as a kid. They probably are trying to hold on to some child like feeling that's still in them. Idk.

There's nothing wrong with being into Disney, but, at a certain point, I have to question what exactly went down in your household as a kid.

josiahcruz__ , PAN XIAOZHEN Report

Final score:

81points

POST

Lakota Wolf 2 years ago

I'm not into Disney specifically, but I'm 40 and I still buy stuffed animals for myself quite often.

61points

#47

Always screaming. Always angry. Never showed any physical affection. Completely out of tune with their children's lives.

dryintentions Report

Final score:

79points

POST

Alana Voeks 2 years ago

Heyyyyyy. This is me 100%. Also never giving any life lessons, like don't lose your virginity to someone who shows you romantic affection for the first time! (Or ever teaching me about sex. Still yet to be taught, they still think I'm a virgin.)

14points

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

See Also on Bored Panda

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

#48

I knew how to open a beer and pour it with minimal foam for my mom while she was driving.

RedFlare15 Report

Final score:

76points

POST

Nancy Tate-Leach 2 years ago

Oh boy

38points

#49

You call them for advice and they give you literally the worst advice ever. So you have been doing the opposite haha

youareverygood8 Report

Final score:

73points

POST

Ronald Cookson 2 years ago

Hearing the phrase " when life hands you lemons,make lemonade" is the most repeated and worthless platitude I've ever heard.makes me want to choke the ever loving s**t out of the person who says it.

30points

#50

They told me the wrong date was my birthday. Didnt find out until my sixteenth birthday going for my drivers licence. Couldnt be bothered with getting it right, real nice of them.

Argybargyass Report

Final score:

70points

POST

Alana Voeks 2 years ago

Mine is just always forgotten. 10/23. Not hard to remember, yet no one ever can. It's literally 0123 with the 0 and 1 flipped. It's not that hard. And I've never been anywhere even out of the city for my birthday because "education" was so "important" here. But since my brother's birthday was during the summer, we've celebrated his every time we went on vacation.

23points

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#51

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents We fought alot about boarding school.
One day, she said that she's tired and that she gives up. She then proceeded to tell me that she will put me up for adoption and welfare. Yep.

CocoBark24 , MChe Lee Report

Final score:

25points

POST

Hatred Pony 2 years ago

Yeah, my mom put me in a children's home when I was 14 and then took my siblings on vacation. She said I would thank her one day, I have 3 kids now and I still don't feel very thankful.

16points

“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

See Also on Bored Panda

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

#52

When all the people you thought loved you at school disappear once they aren't legally forced to be coincidentally in the same place as you every day.

desz4 Report

Final score:

24points

POST

Alana Voeks 2 years ago

It's like everyone held the same mentality as my birthgivers and just never want to be near me and don't want to give me a chance. How do interviewers know this? I don't know.

6points

#53

You, as a parent, also use spanking as a form of punishment and then say “I tUrNeD oUt FiNe”.

pksmama Report

Final score:

19points

POST

Magpie 2 years ago

One of the reasons I chose not to have children ( I'm a woman person and there was a lot of pressure to have them) was I *knew* I'd be a terrible parent.

17points

HannibalGoddamnit , Nicolae Valera Report

#54

You think the Confederacy is an valued part of your heritage.

Mahaloth Report

Final score:

19points

POST

Alana Voeks 2 years ago

Or politics comes up in every conversation somehow.

0points

#55

50 People Are Sharing The Signs That Made Them Realize They Were Raised By Toxic Parents I'm 27, and I still get anxious and a high heart rythm whenever I hear someone shakes his key chains.

It was my father's habit when he used to come home late at night.

Final score:

17points

POST

T'Mar of Vulcan 2 years ago

I used to get in a panic whenever I heard a motorcycle outside our house (abusive person had one). It took our neighbour across the road getting one to finally pull me out of that. It still happens that I hear one and panic, but not too often.

2points

#56

Depends on the person. Some people will take their shitty upbringing and take it out on others who had nothing to do with it. Other people will use their past as motivation to be better people than their parents.

Hot_Club1969 Report

Final score:

16points

POST

Alana Voeks 2 years ago

Or, you know, there's the majority who just fade out of anyone's presence.

2points

Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

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I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. Looking at pets and memes is the best part of my work. I love to travel and want to see the world. Still looking and exploring stuff I like and want to do so thats exciting... and sometimes not

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What do you think ?

POST

Joseph Moore 2 years ago

Welp, this was totally a great idea to read.

33points

Lakota Wolf 2 years ago

::gives a hug:: :(

20points

Magpie 2 years ago

I know this was a difficult read. But for me, a survivor, it was sort of comforting, knowing I am not alone in feeling this weird. - and yes feeling guilty for feeling weird also. And if it is ok, a safe socially distanced e-hug. Always ok to say no, perhaps just a friendly supportive hand wave.

9points

T5n 2 years ago

I regretted reading this too. Each one referred to things caused by either one or both of my parents onto my sisters and I . On the plus side, I, and I assume you as well, are conscious of the impact/detriment they made on you or me, and are less likely to continue the chain that they were part of. I’m sorry that anyone had to go though having toxic parents.

5points

David Force 2 years ago

Like watching a true crime show when you can’t look away. Thankfully I couldn’t relate but I hope it gives me more empathy for those suffering from emotional and mental issues which are clearly not their fault. It helps me understand why so many people seek mental health care and are on medication. It also makes me appreciate my parents who I clearly took for granted because I assumed a happy home was everyone’s normal. I was wrong.

3points

Beth S 2 years ago

Same! I feel you 100%. Hugs!

1point

Lakota Wolf 2 years ago

I'm posting this comment before I even read the article with the prediction that I have probably experienced 80%-90% of the "signs" listed. I was adopted at birth because my mother didn't want my older sister (my parents' biological child) to "be an only child". I was told continually by my mother that I ought to be "grateful" that I was adopted and that I "owe her" for adopting me, especially since my bio mom was a "junkie alcoholic". This year I found out from my uncle (dad's brother) that my mom adopted ME specifically because she wanted a "blonde, blue-eyed" child (my mom is Mexican). I'm fortunate that my dad was a great guy and a wonderful dad, but he wasn't a strong person, so my mother often abused him as well. (Physically and verbally/emotionally/mentally.)

22points

Skylar Jaxx 2 years ago

That lady isn't ur mom. She is someone who thought she was doing good with bad intentions.

2points

Annie Bieber 2 years ago

I'm really glad you had your father. My adopted. Gramma was my Angel, a more Beautiful Soul never lived. Were it not for that woman's uncondition love I would not be here, 3 of my siblings didn't make it. Stay Stong my friend...You ARE Valued. 💛✌️

1point

Beth S 2 years ago

Hugs to you Lakota!

1point

alloutbikes@yahoo.com 1 year ago

Sometimes we have to find "family " elsewhere. I have older friends that are more like an older sister or aunt. You don't owe her anything. You don't owe her anything. You don't owe her anything. You don't owe her anything. You don't owe her anything. You don't owe her anything. You don't owe her anything. They say you have to hear something good 7 times to counter hearing 1 bad thing. Just read this a hundred times or so. Sorry you have to come to us for support. Wish we could be there for you. Stay strong.

0points

Cracked Justin 2 years ago

I can imagine that words aren’t enough to describe that “mom”

0points

Magpie 2 years ago (edited)

Not understanding the concept of feeling safe. Having to learn that from a Psychologist. Having to practice feeling that. Always trying to make other people feel happy. - and/or solve their problems. Saying "thank you" over and over for the simplest help someone gave me.

19points

Rose the Cook 2 years ago

It is sad that there are so many of us.

12points

Annie Bieber 2 years ago

At a week from 63, thought I'd evolved to blow off the darts lobbed at me via my Mom...nooope...when she had a health situation I was very worried and begged to be kept updated. Calling her & finding out she had the procedure, asking why she didn't tell me, her response was "Well I did tell A,B,C,D...(the whole stinkin family) because their BLOOD Related"...I'm the eldest and Adopted...Bye Heart👋👋 Buhbye 👋👋. I was absolutely Wrecked for...still...months later. I was dealing, still am, with high cancer markers, Mother instructed me to "Don't think about it" while going into infinite detail about how kind the family was making her feel special" as she had her stage zero begnin pin head size calcification removed voluntarily...while I'm left in my head losing my you know what doing the Wah-watusi w/the Grim Reaper. Only option...Cut them off. It's far better to be Alone of Your OWN choice than to feel like an outsider. ✌️

10points

Beeps 2 years ago (edited)

I have one: not being able to show excitement about anything, as it can then be used against you and they can threaten to take it away. Received an awesome present for my birthday? It’s all right I guess… Been invited to go on a really cool trip? Whatever, who cares…

9points

shiny shinx 2 years ago

wait- why do i find this relatable-

1point

wowbagger 2 years ago

So true. I don't let myself get emotionally attached to anything that can be taken away from me.

1point

Katt Davis 2 years ago

I felt this. My step grandma would take away baking privileges from me often because I didnt do what she wanted, when she wanted it, and when I did I got yelled at for not finishing the other thing. It wasn't until a social worker told her to lay off that she actually started buying stuff so I could bake more. Unfortunately that was less than a year before she died and after she did my mom's older sisters sold everything she bought me because her will had been "misplaced". They said she never wrote one. She, my grandpa and two of their friends wrote and turned them in together. Not to mention that she would constantly override my mom on parenting me, telling me I wasn't allowed to see friends because my room wasn't clean, or some other excuse that wasn't true. She'd go into my room, pull stuff from where they go and toss it on the floor and go, "that's not where it goes,". It got to a point where I dont really get excited over much anymore.

0points

Bill Allen 2 years ago

Which is why my wife tells people that a “that’s alright” comment from me is high praise.

0points

GhOsTiEdOgG 2 years ago

The saddest part of it all is I'm only 13 and I can relate to most of this, a few months ago my mom quite literally watched over my shoulder as I was filling out a form at the doctor's office abt my mental health and I couldn't even answer the questions properly bc my mom was watching and I didn't want to have to explain why I haven't told her that I've tried to end my life twice as well as the fact she'd make it feel as though it was my fault. I have never felt as though I was a child from an early age I've been questioning everything such as the god(s) I believe in down to why I'm alive, and this just hit a little too close to home. Not only that my mom is extremely homophobic and transphobic, and I'm panromantic demisexual and non binary so... I'm scared if she ever found out she'd abandon me-

7points

wowbagger 2 years ago

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you have or can find some people you trust to talk to about it.

3points

Magpie 2 years ago

In Australia free phone help call 13 11 14 . You don't have to give your real name. We can just ask questions " this is just an information call". Until we get a voice we feel comfortable with.

5points

Sonja 2 years ago

Another very sad trait of formerly abused adults is being unable to set reasonable boundaries for their own children, always thinking even the slightest scolding is already abuse. My neighbor was that way, she raised absolutely insufferable brats because her own mother was so cruel she ironed her daughters hands because she didn't iron her dresses right. It took her eldest daughter killing the family cat until she realised something was wrong and going to family counseling. Luckily the children were still young and they were able to turn things around.

4points

bob van wijk 2 years ago (edited)

I wasn't abused, but my mom never got mad at all ever. Once she said in a severe tone to a kid: you may not throw your jacket on the floor and I was shocked. My mom was mad, but pfew it was just a joke. So to me any getting mad is bad and I have to be as perfect as her. She was unable to get mad, because her dad became an alcoholic after WWII. They hid Jews, he was sent to a concentration camp. Afterwards he started to drink and she was the youngest and everyone was afraid of him, when he drank and was in a bad mood, agressive, so they'd say: you go make daddy happy again and she was forced to make him get calm and happy.

2points

Jewels737 2 years ago

I, as a full fledged adult, have most of these...my mom & I grew close as she got older (she died last summer & I’m still not over it) it took years to forgive her & I’m glad I did. But I’m still emotionally f-d up. However, now that she's passed I can't connect with my father. One of the main reasons I decided not to have kids was I didn't want to fail them the way I was.

4points

R. H. 2 years ago

I finally accepted it doesn't matter if "mother" is aware of the damage she's caused and causes, or not aware, she's toxic. It made me sad and still makes me sad.

3points

Cracked Justin 2 years ago

All human beings, no matter how old, have feelings. When I was 12, my mom refused to believe that I was tired and stressed out. It was true since at school I was in two honors classes and I was afraid I couldn’t keep up and that I would fail to keep up with my mom’s expectations. When I talked to her about it, she said that I had nothing to be stressed about and that I was just making things up and being ridiculous.But I think you could imagine that I was left with some emotional and psychological damage.

3points

Beth S 2 years ago (edited)

I was raised by a narcissistic mother and an abusive stepfather... when it came to my dad I did not exist unless I was right there in front of him which happened for 1 month every summer if I was lucky. Needless to say mentally and emotionally I am a bit different. People have a hard time understanding the way my mind and emotions work. I have severe abandonment issues as well as a host of other lovely malfunctions including being a chronic people pleaser (just place a welcome mat on my forehead). It has lead me into a lot of unhealthy relationships with people both romantic and platonic. At 41 years old I have decided to start putting myself first and am trying to create some healthy boundary lines to give myself some love and respect.

3points

NewNicknameAlert 2 years ago

🤗🤗👏🏾 This may seem corny but great job! Boundaries are hard for my to stick by. I can establish them but fail at sticking with it. You're kicking a*s Beth!!

1point

Cheese and rice, Moony! 2 years ago

My parents are the most wonderful and loving parents I could ever ask for. The only reason I have almost all of these symptoms are from backstabbers, manipulators, and people dedicating their life to hating on me for things like my sexuality, personality, all in elementary school. The teachers would also falsely accuse me of things all the time and I would get verbally abused by the other kids on a daily basis. Of course j didn't tell my parents cause "I didn't want to bother anyone" and I still feel scared opening up to people about my problems as to not drag them down into the ditch with me. To name a few: Sara. Second grade, convinced me we were friends just to stab me in the back after she got all the attention she needed for being "bff"s with the smart kid. Too many to name, middle school. Verbally abuse me for my sexuality and gender. My preferred name is Robyn. Wherever this kid Josh is near me he starts singing the teen titans theme song. I get things thrown at me, (continued)

3points

Cheese and rice, Moony! 2 years ago

I get called the f-slur, etc etc. Ice found a group of friends which is in basically shables right now, so it's not really a group and more of a spider web, but we're all lgbtq teens who are all mentally abused in the same way for just being who we are. People come up to us just to harass us, we have a designated spot where we go and hang out during places like lunch and recess, but yet we still get hit by soccer balls. Whenever we tell them to go away, we just get hit with the "OK nobody asked you fa****s." And it really hurts. A lot. Someday I'm afraid I'm going to snap and start cursing them out and screaming at the top of my lungs and throwing out every insult I can, which will lead to my parents finding out about the things I've been through, I've never told them about any of the things I've been through, since kindergarten up until now. I'd be horrified if they found out because I'd have to go through the mushy gushy lovey dovey stuff which I hate. Man, I need therapy

2points

Brenda Spagnola-Wilson 2 years ago

My BFF tried to leave once because hubby and I were arguing. She said she didn't want to watch us break up. She had no idea you could argue and still love someone. Broke my heart

2points

similarly 2 years ago

I realized late in life that the EXTREME anxiety I felt whenever anyone around me wasn't following the rules, wasn't doing what they were "supposed" to do, or was somehow creating disharmony in the environment ... it wasn't actually because of a personal desire to control other people, but FEAR. I grew up in an environment in which anybody causing any disruption, not doing what they were supposed to do, resulted in angry authority figures, and when they go angry, everybody got some.

2points

JustinTime 2 years ago

I first met my girlfriend’s family during thanksgiving 2 years ago. Football, food, the usual holiday stuff. Separate groups were having different conversations. I was sitting there quietly watching the game when I noticed something weird to me… no one was fighting. No arguing. Someone would Leave the room and no one said anything negative behind the person’s back. That’s when I fully realized how toxic and terrible my mom was. She was ALWAYS fighting and being nasty at family gatherings growing up, that’s if we were invited.

2points

Danielle Papandrea 2 years ago

my mother is such a narcissist when i talked to her about my feelings (as an adult with children of my own) the best she could come up with was "i'm sorry you feel that way." i don't talk to her any longer and outside of my grandmothers funeral- haven't seen her in 3 years.

2points

Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦 2 years ago

I mainly came here to say that if you relate to this article, I'm sending hugs and love for you. I'm proud of you.

2points

Bill Allen 2 years ago

I try to tell people that you have to be careful what you say and do to children. Sometimes things that happen to them will have a detrimental effect on their psyche for a very long time. One single incident between my mom and me when I was in the second grade effected me so bad that I could not utter the words “I’m sorry” till I was almost 30 years old.

2points

Caffeine72 2 years ago

When you can make a therapist turn white and go speechless with a normal story about your childhood, you know that you were raised wrong. (Done that a few times. Do have to give mother points for creativity in how to screw me up, though.)

1point

Catherine Spencer-Mills 2 years ago

When someone asks why I am doing something: Because I'm lazy; fat; stupid; a b***h, etc. Not able to cry in public. (It just gives you a headache.) Mom was sexually abused at a young age and so she had no boundaries. Over shared her life, pried into mine, bought porn to share. Lots of consequences. Thank goodness for my wonderful husband.

1point

Alonso Victoria 2 years ago

I would add one i used to do all the time: daydreaming a lot, you feel so miserable in your real life that you imagine yourself in other place, with different people or you imagine being somebody else.

1point

Ana 2 years ago

P.S. Not knowing what happy feels like. It's a baffling concept/ feeling.

1point

EeveeExpertShadow 2 years ago

I... I have trouble with people... I always think I need to please everyone... I just have what feels like a huge hole where my heart should be... every time I mention this my parents are like "oh shut up, drama king"...

1point

Lies Aerts 2 years ago

What I found out from my SIL: apparently my mom designed her house so I could live in with her and support her ( financially ) She totally freaked out when this didn't turn out the way she planned. I had bought a car at 18 years old and she told me ( not asked, TOLD ) to get rid of the car or leave the house. Guess which choice I made?!

1point

Missy 2 years ago

Once again BP is like therapy. I knew a lot, but had lots of "oooh! Doh!" Moments while reading this.

1point

Sara 2 years ago

Therapy. Please get therapy. It helps.

1point

Kimberly Swett 2 years ago

My upbringing was ok. When I was a little over 10 1/2, my grandfather died. I blamed myself for him dying, because I was at a school play enjoying myself. After that, I didn't go to school plays and actually enjoyed myself until I was well into my 20's. Three days after my grandfather was buried, we found out that my grandmother was not allowed to be alone anymore. Since I lived right behind her house, I stepped up and said that I would take care of her. So, that's what I did until I was 22. My mom and dad had my younger sister, who was barely over 2 at that time, to take care of also. My parents did take care of my grandmother as well, and as the years rolled by, my younger sister would as well. I was told about 10 years ago, by one of my nieces, that she blamed my parents because I had volunteered. She said that my parents were supposed to do that, not me. I just don't get why this would bother her.

1point

jwr 2 years ago

I identify with probably 90% of this, but I wouldn't say I had an abusive upbringing. Not perfect, but my parents were encouraging and didn't scream at us. So... What does that say about me???

1point

Dodo 2 years ago

Telling your partner and your pets you love them and you are proud of them several times a day, because you haven't even heard it once from your parents and know how much it sucks. Hugs to all of you who feel this post! ❤

1point

Mark Anomy 2 years ago

5th grade teacher sent home a letter saying I'm not 'doing well'. Mother sends back note saying how she has washed her hands of me and the lead horse to water dig. Teacher reads the note to me. yeah, and? Reads the note to me again as though I didn't understand what mother wrote. I sort of chuckled, yeah, that's my mother. The teacher was rattled, I watched as the reality of my reality sank in. High achiever School district too. I'm sure there were parents with deeper contempt for their children but I doubt there were few if any psycho enough to send it to school in a letter.

1point

Suzanne Cruser 2 years ago

I can relate to almost all of the signs listed... My mother was and still is an extremely toxic person... I've been trying to find a therapist or psychiatrist, any type of mental health professional to talk to since relocating to a different state... They either don't take my insurance or aren't accepting new patients... It took me making a second attempt at taking my own life to finally find a psychiatrist... My first appointment is Tuesday morning...

1point

BetterBitterButter 2 years ago

It was a very relatable post.

1point

Tracy Carmack 2 years ago

I'm shook because I strongly relate to at least 3/4 of these.

1point

Kristina Parker 2 years ago

I teared up realizing how many of these I related to...and even sitting by myself trying not to cry. Wow...😢

1point

Alana Voeks 2 years ago

Another thing they didn't put on this list is if they always did everything behind closed doors. Oh, you don't wanna scream at me and bite my head off in public because you'll be f*****g shamed because I, realistically, was doing absolutely nothing wrong, causing no noise, and you'd be seen as the belligerent one? Yeah. Besides sex (and some drugs), if you're doing stuff behind closed doors, you really need to think twice about what you're doing. (Developing photos doesn't count either, FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, DO NOT LET THE LIGHT INNNNN.)

1point

Autistic apricot 2 years ago

I relate to all of these

1point

alloutbikes@yahoo.com 1 year ago

Is it really bad to identify with many more of these than I realized?

0points

Joy Gill 2 years ago

All the above plus some more :( Like recognizing people by the sound they make when walking or entering the house. Being great at reading non verbal cues. Having to learn to feel your body as an adult, like recognize hunger or the physical expresion of an emotion. Not wanting your own children because you condider it unfair to create a new soul. Having to discover who you are when you are almost thirty. Warped sense of humor. Weird pain tolerance because of your bad connection to your body. Realizing your whole closet is grey/beige/navy or in other words city camouflage. Buying toys and participating in things like halloween to "make up" for not having time to be a child. Being scared of making noise even in your own house, always using headphones. Beeing amazed you have lived this long, always having your mortality present in your mind. Disliking physical touch and affection.

0points

alloutbikes@yahoo.com 2 years ago

Almost 59 yo and so many are so familiar.

0points

Joyce Blodgett 2 years ago

I had great parents, and a really good childhood, something my sister, brother and I are thankful for (we're all in our 60s now, parents died 16 years ago). The messed up part was the two cretins I married, both abusive, neither one worthy of the air they sucked in each day. Never again!

0points

Katt Davis 2 years ago

Here's one to add as an alternative to being a perfectionist: No motivation to do anything because you know you wont do it good enough.

0points

Katy Cordeth 2 years ago

When I'm with my mum and my dad isn't there, she constantly vents to me about how much of a control freak he is—and he truly is—and what a b*stard he's been lately, and I'm all sympathetic and consoling. If I have a beef with my dad and mum is there, she goes ballistic and always takes his side. Happened about a week ago for the millionth time as a matter of fact. I'm quite a logical person; I can analyse a situation with clarity. But neither of my folks, especially my mum, knows how to do that so they just react with anger and defensiveness and personal attacks. I have the self esteem of a ham sandwich. I'm basically a hermit in the real world, but, thankfully, I've made some awesome friends on social media in the last few years. People who get me and allow me to be my goofy, self-deprecating self. They are my real, non-toxic family now. Anyone familiar with the Philip Larkin poem? I I'm running out of space here so I'll post it below. Hope this didn't come across as whiny.

0points

Katy Cordeth 2 years ago

They f**k you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. But they were f**ked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another’s throats. Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don’t have any kids yourself.

0points

Marcus Lynch 2 years ago

How about being constantly asked "what is wrong with you" for being withdrawn and depressed, and having the person asking you that be the very person who's emotional abuse is causing you to feel that way.

0points

Aliaksadr Lukauski 2 years ago

Kinda strange... I relate to almost everything yet my parents are really kind and supportive. I guess I was the one to create my own toxic childhood lol

0points

Teresa Taylor 2 years ago

I was, because of childhood trauma, a perfectionist. My mother was a hard taskmaster and nothing was ever done right according to her. I carried that on into adulthood. I was berating myself over a minor mistake at work one day when my boss asked me why I was so upset. I said it's because I need to fix this. She said to leave it alone, it's fine. I was insisting it wasn't. (I really don't remember what it was.) She wanted to know why I had the need to be "perfect" everyone makes mistakes. I said, I'm not supposed to. She was appalled and said, "What? You are allowed to make mistakes, you know! You are human after all." That was an epiphany for me. No one ever told me that before. I guess it should have been common sense, but being beat-down (literally and figuratively) for making mistakes my entire childhood, it wasn't. Making a mistake was terrifying and anxiety inducing. That day I "got permission " to make mistakes altered my mentality.

0points

Alan Williams 2 years ago

Wow! I hit 28/50 of those. Bullied persistently by my brothers (mental and physical abuse). Father who was either never there or showed such obvious favouritism towards my other siblings that it was not funny. Mother with such acute anxiety that she was sometimes unable to look after our emotional needs but at least we did get fed but were so short of money because my father withheld alimony.

0points

ravina nimje 2 years ago

Glad to know there was at least one point I could not relate to. (Point 50)

0points

Laura 2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

ObsidianAce_ 2 years ago

Don’t forget low self-worth in the form of not wanting to buy/receive nice things. My dad (divorced, only had us certain weekends) used to buy us (me and little brother) every little thing we wanted. Glass figurine? Done. Wii-U? How about fifteen games. Useless dollar store perfume, tons of stuffed animals, gifts upon gifts. And then we’d hear that money was tight for a bit so we couldn’t visit because of all the money he’d spent on gifts to win us over and the exorbitant amount of alcohol he consumed. It’s made me very cautious about spending money, I’m hesitant to ask my mom about buying things because what if it pushes us over the budget? What if I’m not worth it? It sucks and it’s impacting my daily life.

0points

2 years ago

all kids deserve parents, but not all parents deserve kids

0points

you wish 2 years ago

Wow..I think only 6 out of all those didn't apply to me, and I do love Disney, I watch it hoping families and friends can really be like that, that people will forgive each other and love each other, I moved out at 17 and never saw a point to call family, I could go on but I was captivated on how everything applied

0points

Nichole Harris 2 years ago

Welp.... At least we know we're not alone

0points

Scarlett 2 years ago (edited)

Um… I think relating to most of these is a bad thing. I thought I had a normal childhood.

0points

Penny Kemper 2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Mrs.Pugh 2 years ago

They can still blame their parents cause, y'know, they're to blame, and "fix" whatever they are fixing themselves.

0points

POST

Joseph Moore 2 years ago

Welp, this was totally a great idea to read.

33points

Lakota Wolf 2 years ago

::gives a hug:: :(

20points

Magpie 2 years ago

9points

T5n 2 years ago

5points

David Force 2 years ago

3points

Beth S 2 years ago

Same! I feel you 100%. Hugs!

1point

Lakota Wolf 2 years ago

22points

Skylar Jaxx 2 years ago

That lady isn't ur mom. She is someone who thought she was doing good with bad intentions.

2points

Annie Bieber 2 years ago

1point

Beth S 2 years ago

Hugs to you Lakota!

1point

alloutbikes@yahoo.com 1 year ago

0points

Cracked Justin 2 years ago

I can imagine that words aren’t enough to describe that “mom”

0points

Magpie 2 years ago (edited)

19points

Rose the Cook 2 years ago

It is sad that there are so many of us.

12points

Annie Bieber 2 years ago

10points

Beeps 2 years ago (edited)

9points

shiny shinx 2 years ago

wait- why do i find this relatable-

1point

wowbagger 2 years ago

So true. I don't let myself get emotionally attached to anything that can be taken away from me.

1point

Katt Davis 2 years ago

0points

Bill Allen 2 years ago

Which is why my wife tells people that a “that’s alright” comment from me is high praise.

0points

GhOsTiEdOgG 2 years ago

7points

wowbagger 2 years ago

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you have or can find some people you trust to talk to about it.

3points

Magpie 2 years ago

In Australia free phone help call 13 11 14 . You don't have to give your real name. We can just ask questions " this is just an information call". Until we get a voice we feel comfortable with.

5points

Sonja 2 years ago

4points

bob van wijk 2 years ago (edited)

2points

Jewels737 2 years ago

4points

R. H. 2 years ago

I finally accepted it doesn't matter if "mother" is aware of the damage she's caused and causes, or not aware, she's toxic. It made me sad and still makes me sad.

3points

Cracked Justin 2 years ago

3points

Beth S 2 years ago (edited)

3points

NewNicknameAlert 2 years ago

🤗🤗👏🏾 This may seem corny but great job! Boundaries are hard for my to stick by. I can establish them but fail at sticking with it. You're kicking a*s Beth!!

1point

Cheese and rice, Moony! 2 years ago

3points

Cheese and rice, Moony! 2 years ago

2points

Brenda Spagnola-Wilson 2 years ago

My BFF tried to leave once because hubby and I were arguing. She said she didn't want to watch us break up. She had no idea you could argue and still love someone. Broke my heart

2points

similarly 2 years ago

2points

JustinTime 2 years ago

2points

Danielle Papandrea 2 years ago

2points

Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦 2 years ago

I mainly came here to say that if you relate to this article, I'm sending hugs and love for you. I'm proud of you.

2points

Bill Allen 2 years ago

2points

Caffeine72 2 years ago

1point

Catherine Spencer-Mills 2 years ago

1point

Alonso Victoria 2 years ago

1point

Ana 2 years ago

P.S. Not knowing what happy feels like. It's a baffling concept/ feeling.

1point

EeveeExpertShadow 2 years ago

1point

Lies Aerts 2 years ago

1point

Missy 2 years ago

Once again BP is like therapy. I knew a lot, but had lots of "oooh! Doh!" Moments while reading this.

1point

Sara 2 years ago

Therapy. Please get therapy. It helps.

1point

Kimberly Swett 2 years ago

1point

jwr 2 years ago

I identify with probably 90% of this, but I wouldn't say I had an abusive upbringing. Not perfect, but my parents were encouraging and didn't scream at us. So... What does that say about me???

1point

Dodo 2 years ago

1point

Mark Anomy 2 years ago

1point

Suzanne Cruser 2 years ago

1point

BetterBitterButter 2 years ago

It was a very relatable post.

1point

Tracy Carmack 2 years ago

I'm shook because I strongly relate to at least 3/4 of these.

1point

Kristina Parker 2 years ago

I teared up realizing how many of these I related to...and even sitting by myself trying not to cry. Wow...😢

1point

Alana Voeks 2 years ago

1point

Autistic apricot 2 years ago

I relate to all of these

1point

alloutbikes@yahoo.com 1 year ago

Is it really bad to identify with many more of these than I realized?

0points

Joy Gill 2 years ago

0points

alloutbikes@yahoo.com 2 years ago

Almost 59 yo and so many are so familiar.

0points

Joyce Blodgett 2 years ago

0points

Katt Davis 2 years ago

Here's one to add as an alternative to being a perfectionist: No motivation to do anything because you know you wont do it good enough.

0points

Katy Cordeth 2 years ago

0points

Katy Cordeth 2 years ago

0points

Marcus Lynch 2 years ago

0points

Aliaksadr Lukauski 2 years ago

Kinda strange... I relate to almost everything yet my parents are really kind and supportive. I guess I was the one to create my own toxic childhood lol

0points

Teresa Taylor 2 years ago

0points

Alan Williams 2 years ago

0points

ravina nimje 2 years ago

Glad to know there was at least one point I could not relate to. (Point 50)

0points

Laura 2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

ObsidianAce_ 2 years ago

0points

2 years ago

all kids deserve parents, but not all parents deserve kids

0points

you wish 2 years ago

0points

Nichole Harris 2 years ago

Welp.... At least we know we're not alone

0points

Scarlett 2 years ago (edited)

Um… I think relating to most of these is a bad thing. I thought I had a normal childhood.

0points

Penny Kemper 2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Mrs.Pugh 2 years ago

They can still blame their parents cause, y'know, they're to blame, and "fix" whatever they are fixing themselves.

0points