Then they try to 'fix' the problem with a nuclear device

It's worth every scratch! ^.^

I wonder how many times the tent came crashing down on a disappointed father hmm?

Todays weather forecast is Reindeer

No one is gonna cross that field. Nope

Not enough room for the live customers?

But I might be Trainsylvanian

Having worked as a janitor, I'm on this lady's side

omg, other buffalo.

But that's what you'd say if you did have a meth lab.

Whinge???

I told my bloody Satnav I was happy to use the Toll paying bit of the M6 in England. 3/4 of the way along, it took me off the Motorway for half a mile then back on through the Toll Booth, meaning I had to pay twice! My own fault I know, it tells you don't just follow the instructions without thought.

So everyone waits in room 2037

If the wildlife can do it, why can't I?

From whence you cometh?

Should be the case every where.

LMAOO

The raccoon chooses its special person. Dave, he just doesn't like you, stop coercing him.

Better yet, block the door from the outside and let him steam in his own pee

“Let me-owwwwt”

That’s not what Tolkien taught me.

Sad thing is that almost happened to me, twice.

Whoever put the first sign up was asking for the second.

You know it's Florida

Someone asked if they could bring a 'Pooh Bear'....sadly reception had the wrong idea and the mess took ages to clear up.

It's a cottage industry.

I unintentionally scared security people at the airport. I had my laptop charger and a candy box (which I had left in the backpack when I got through security). The guy watching the screen froze, his face turned white and he moved back and forth the band with my backpack. Then he turned to me and asked me what I had in the backpack. "Nothing important, some candies, my laptop charger, an agenda..." He explained me that it looked like an explosive device. It was nice to see his face regaining the normal colors :)

You can milk anything with nipples.

Aw. Poor little guy. He's so cute. No one had better stir that fish tank!!! I'm serious.

No people haven't been stirring the tank, they've been getting the fish all worked up

This, right here, is why I hate people. Get your handicapped a$$ eaten by an alligator - byeeee. But don't mess with the animals/birds/fishes!

I like my cichlids shaken, not stirred

I think they mean, don't mess with it, don't tap the glas, etc.

These are the type of tanks you see in restaurants. Nothing but water and some gravel. They are awful and so cruel.

People these days do the most thoughtless things. Doesn't anyone think for a moment before taking action?

The number of chins in his collection

I feel like this could apply to me in my office with the door closed.

Is this the JohnMerrick fish??