30 Signs That Show Someone Has Had A Lot Of Trauma In Their Life

I grew up neglected and I find it really hard to ask for help. When I have no other choice, I feel really bad because I immediately feel like a burden. It's hard for me to imagine that someone might actually want to be there for me.

I've been told to ask her help when I need help. Then when I ask for help my requests are shot down immediately, and usually I get lectured for being in a position of needing help. That's just as work. Growing up to present, whenever I needed help, even if it's medical related, I was either ignored or my mom would get so raging mad. If I needed help in school, I would be told to just "figure it out yourself." There is no help people give. They just say to ask for help after the fact, as an excuse to blame me when something doesn't go their way.

I hate asking for help cause I hate feeling weak.

I learned early on that other people will shirk responsibility if they can get away with it. I was the one who did the "group projects" by myself because I didn't want my grade affected by other people's laziness. Some people are genuinely helpful, but they are few and far between, and usually I just prefer to do it myself and know it's done right the first time.

Yes, I feel this one and not wanting to feel like I’m bothering people, but also It’s hard trusting people when you’ve been let down so many times too.

I feel this one to the bone! I will go out of my way, to a fault, so that another person doesn't have to experience what I've had to go through.

...or it can be the complete oposite... They might be able to recognise it in other, but their reaction is to freeze, as there never was anyone there to teach them what the proper reaction to such a situation was. E.g. they might feel a sting in their heart as they see that someone else is sad, yet they have no clue on how to express it, or how to console another suffering soul in an appropriate way, that doesn't just make everything worse.

For me it depends on how someone treats me. Someone disrespects me or I don't feel secure then that's it.

Its' called constantly let down so I'll just do it myself.!

Being told constantly to not rely on anyone will do that, too. I've had to learn on my own that it's not realistic to be fully self-sufficient without looking to others for help. I've even been told I should get a car so I can "stop relying on the bus drivers to get me around." At some point you just have to tune them out and go about your life.

No one can rely in anyone else.

That would be me.

Yes, you see patterns in the small things and say 'Not dealing with that again!'

Yup. So over it. I don't want to hear about what anyone thinks about someone else' outfit, how they dance, how they work, what they look like, what their home looks like. I care about character and making good choices. So, unless they are a terrible person who is terrible to other people and animals, tell me once (thank you) and I'll avoid them, or check them out on my own if I know the person I'm talking to tends to lie and exaggerate. Otherwise, I don't want to hear about anyone else from anyone. We can talk about the recent findings in space, or about something else going on in the world.

Not me. I’m too much of a people pleaser.

that mostly apply to those who have healed properly, but basically when you experience some kind of trauma, there are basically two ways you can react, depending on your personality: you can either internalise it, or externalise it. If you do the former, you blame yourself for the issues "If only I was better, it wouldn't have happened to me". They stetch and stetch because they think if they just give a bit more, it will be over...until they break. A person of the latter type, will try to fight their way out of it when they are subjected to unfair treatment.

Or they're the complete opposite and will stay to keep the peace and out of love for said person that has problems of their own.

For me, it's mainly the people pleasing. For example, I find it very difficult to ask for what I need or to stand up for myself when I think I'm being treated unfairly because I don't want others to feel uncomfortable or upset.

This.

Once you learn how, nothing is better than asking for what ever you need, it's empowering. The people.easing will than stop. But it takes up to years to convince yourself of those things, but once it's there, it's the best. And you can stil be nice to everyone, unless they prove they don't deserve it.

I always thought that I just expected too much from others

People pleasing has been getting me in so much trouble at work. I've noticed what my manager wants me to do counters the company values. They want me to work quickly, but they want me to be patient with customers. I'm pretty chill with customers, but it takes that one mentally unhinged customer who will go off on you for doing your job that sends any confidence you've had crashing down and fearing your livelihood, and then you start questioning your sanity when your mental stableness goes into question, and then you ask yourself what actually happened and if you just imagined your chill vibes and maybe were saying or doing something you didn't know you were doing.... Yeah I have a super toxic management that has been gaslighting me from day one. They doubled down when they realized I'm more self-aware than they thought I was. My mom is worse. She has to have the last word and win the "argument", so she would use anything I say, even admittance, against me from there on out.

Because I've been let down, hurt and abused by people who were supposed to look after me I find it hard to trust anyone and would rather keep people at arm's length than risk being hurt and abused again.

You open up and they will just let you down

Totally me.. but also for another reason, whats the plus size of people knowing where youve been through?

Yup, basically.

Yep. Me.

It always happens

Yep.

Or being honest and being called a liar. So they go with whatever the other makes up about them.

I'm lucky, I can now honestly say I have no family left. It's just me and my service dog.

It's a bit of a toss up with me. Most of the time, I feel like it's a personal question that is none of my business, unless the person brings up their family. It's like asking someone what they do for a living and how much they make. It's not really a question that comes with an interesting answer, anyways, and usually stops with a "Oh, no, yeah, they're good. Thanks for asking." Might as well ask about the weather.

Sometimes we have so many big things to deal with that a small insignificant thing is enough to tip us over the edge. The final straw that broke the camel's back.

Ppssstt....Can I tell you my secret? When you loose it over the little things....its not really that little thing.... its everything else that you haven't been allowed to or been able to loose it over. And in that moment you are usually "safe" to loose it but you are in the moment and upset about what's wrong and then get mad at yourself for loosing over a tiny thing. Your brain and heart don't communicate well so next time when you think you are bawling because you burned dinner and forgot to start the dryer last night, you just spilled a 40 Oz soda and stubbed your toes trying to clean it up. It's not about any of that. In that moment your brain and heart feel safer to loose it. So, Cry, cry about the hard things, loose it completely about whatever you have been shoving down that you weren't allowed to or able to loose it over. I hope that is helpful. I struggle myself sometimes still. But I try to follow this because it has been helpful and healing to myself in the past.

I'm good in emergencies, some sort of energy kicks in, but once that's after, I collapse.

We can bear heavy burdens for a very long time. We take care of everything and everyone, except ourselves. When the burden lifts, it is then that we crash, often in a major way. Learned this the hard way.

Pretty much me.

Trying to find kindness in any normal act, because we are starving for it

Ppssstt....Can I tell you my secret? When you loose it over the little things....its not really that little thing.... its everything else that you haven't been allowed to or been able to loose it over. And in that moment you are usually "safe" to loose it but you are in the moment and upset about what's wrong and then get mad at yourself for loosing over a tiny thing. Your brain and heart don't communicate well so next time when you think you are bawling because you burned dinner and forgot to start the dryer last night, you just spilled a 40 Oz soda and stubbed your toes trying to clean it up. It's not about any of that. In that moment your brain and heart feel safer to loose it. So, Cry, cry about the hard things, loose it completely about whatever you have been shoving down that you weren't allowed to or able to loose it over. I hope that is helpful. I struggle myself sometimes still. But I try to follow this because it has been helpful and healing to myself in the past.

Sense of humor makes us cope with the pain. And it also hides the cry we deal with inside of us.

Humor is a useful coping mechanism, especially when coupled with humility.

I sometimes do this. It's like the 'sad clown' thing. Or 'titus'. I also have the unfortunate reaction of laughing when I'm uncomfortable.