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Hot_Comfortable_6373 , Mick Haupt Report

#2

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread When they constantly invalidate your feelings.

Final score:

233points

POST

Ash 2 years ago

This can cause serious emotional/mental health damage down the road.

71points

rowenaravenclaw0 , Tima Miroshnichenko Report

#3

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Kids who feel like nothing they do is good enough or they can't do anything right. Their parents have told them they are stupid or useless so often they have started to believe it.

Final score:

222points

POST

Ueda 2 years ago

Or parents who just don't care or are too busy to notice. I've struggled with this because I was bullied both by classmates and teachers. My parents were nowhere to be found. Now they are in complete denial. Took me a while to understand that my failures were not always my fault. Now I make sure not to make the same mistake with my daughter, who tends to doubt her abilities. I would hate myself if she started to actually believe it.

13points

There's no one answer to what toxic parenting looks like, as every family is different. Some common signs that your parents might be toxic include always being critical of either of you or of each other; trying to control every aspect of your life; constantly comparing you to other people, or to their own expectations; being emotionally abusive; using guilt to manipulate you and many more.

In some extreme cases, controlling parents take over their children’s lives and can do a lot of harm. To find out how exactly overly controlling parents can alter their kids’ lives and what kind of effect they have over them, we spoke with Anisa Lewis, the Positive Parenting Coach.

#4

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Not being allowed to make mistakes and constantly being shouted at for them

sami2503 , RODNAE Productions Report

Final score:

209points

POST

ErrorGamer2000 2 years ago

THIS

44points

#5

The belief that your children belong to you, that they are beneath you and your property. That because you brought them into this world, you are owed respect. Respect and trust are gained, they are not owed.

TheAngryArcanist Report

Final score:

202points

POST

Bobby 2 years ago

I think of respect as more of a garden. Everyone has a plant in my garden. When you show respect to me you water and feed that plant. When you disrespect me your plant withers and dies. But everyone starts with at least a baseline of respect. I don't like the idea that respect is earned, like you start at zero, or that someone is due complete respect until shown otherwise. Respect is cultivated, and if you want someone to respect you, you are responsible for that cultivation

10points

#6

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Never actually teaching your kids anything, just criticizing, "I told you so" and "because I said so"

eveningspliff , Monstera Report

Final score:

190points

POST

Justme 2 years ago

Also, never actually teaching them how to do things so that they are crippled in any attempt to live on their own.

79points

Lewis argues that parents' main goal should always be to bring their children up with a solid foundation and strong values, “knowing the long-term aim is that they can be confident, independent and functioning members of society,” she said and added that obviously, there are a great number of factors that feed into this and each child and young adult as well as family is different.

When asked what could be the reasons why some parents control their kids so much, Lewis explained that there may be many factors to blame. She told us: “it could be their own upbringing and they are simply repeating the parenting that they received.” Moreover, “it could be cultural or an experience that they have had that has negatively affected them.”

#7

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Being unable to apologize, setting and enforcing standards they themselves don't follow

19whale96 , Phil Nguyen Report

Final score:

185points

POST

1.21Gigawatts?! 2 years ago

Mom always yells at me and threatens to punish me for crying or being angry but’s it’s perfectly fine for her to do it

8points

TheMetaReport , Pedro Plassen Lopes Report

#8

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Telling you to take responsibility without giving you freedom. Responsibility is only possible if you have the freedom to make the wrong choice but choose to make the right one.

Final score:

167points

POST

Pirates of Zen Pants 2 years ago

This. By the time I was twelve, I was taking care of my half-siblings while my folks were at the bar. I was expected to clean, cook, iron my stepfather's shirts, and do the laundry, all while volunteering and maintaining an A average. I can't BELIEVE how easy it is to be an adult, because I have freedom now. I moved out of state at 17 and everything got much, much better.

80points

#9

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Guilt tripping your kids into begging for your forgiveness.

“I bet you wish I was dead”, “Nothing I do is ever good enough for you”, etc.

mystixlosz , Kindel Media Report

Final score:

162points

POST

Artsy Bookworm 2 years ago

Also, the silent treatment. Sometimes I argue with my mom and she snaps back asking why I'm arguing. At times she refuses to accept that I'm a separate human being capable of anger and having my own opinions. If that's the case she just stops talking to me so that I feel obliged to apologise even if it's not my fault.

67points

Moreover, controlling parents are likely to be anxious or low in confidence (or self-esteem) themselves. “They can tend to, possibly by default, control what they can to keep themselves safe and thus part of this is the lives of their children,” Lewis explained.

#10

Any sort of adept knowledge from their child about doing something sneakily. My parents have always been very strict about what I wore not only out in public, but even just hanging out with friends at their houses. I have since become a master at fashionably layering and they were never the wiser. All extremely strict parenting does is teach kids how to be stealthy and break rules without getting caught.

hotsexydinosaur Report

Final score:

155points

POST

Autistic apricot 2 years ago

True

39points

artmysticgamer , RODNAE Productions Report

#11

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Any form of hitting and calling it "discipline"
It's not it's straight up abuse and it traumatizes your children I know cause I was raised off it and guess who I cut out of my life.

Final score:

149points

POST

Luke Branwen 2 years ago

If you're the kind of person who justifies child abuse with "My parents hit me all the time and I grew up fine", you didn't, in fact, grow up fine.

118points

LeisurelyLoner , RODNAE Productions Report

#12

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Insisting you know your kids' mind better than they themselves do. Proclaiming what they experience, feel, think, and intend. Being dismissive or condescending when they try to speak for themselves.

Seeing your child as identical to you or an extension of you ("twinning"), and going around bragging about this.

Not acknowledging or neglecting their emotions.

Blaming their children for what are natural reactions to the parent's behaviour. (A similar dynamic "When he looks in the mirror and sees his dirty face, he tries to wash the mirror.")

Final score:

144points

POST

ErrorGamer2000 2 years ago

I have a serious case of this at home. So glad I'm not alone.

35points

For a child of any age, living with toxic parents is a very difficult situation to be in. Children may feel like they are constantly walking on eggshells and that they can never do anything right. Chances are, their homes are always full of yelling and criticism, which may alter their sense of home, safety and comfort.

#13

Yelling at your kid for backtalking when they're really just having an opinion.

Vicious_X Report

Final score:

142points

POST

Powercat 2 years ago

This. Like children are just supposed to nod and comply. They’re not your slave. If you don’t want to hear what they have to say you really shouldn’t have had kids at all.

61points

#14

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Parents who press their personal beliefs and practices upon their children. Maybe your daughter doesn't want to wear dresses all the time. So what? Maybe your son doesn't want to be the doctor that you weren't able to be. Okay... So?

For example, my parents are very religious and everything would be about religion and honoring God; yet, the ironic thing is, that my parents are extremely abusive- physically, verbally, mentally, and emotionally. Don't force beliefs upon your children. Widen their perspective. Show them what's out there. And let them make their own decisions. Don't yell at them or hurt them if they're not doing it *your* way.

tessa_simone , Josh Applegate Report

Final score:

140points

POST

JustinTime 2 years ago

The WORST people I’ve known hid behind the Bible

20points

#15

“I cleaned your poop and fed you everyday selflessly” Bro you decided to have a kid and didn’t know that babies don’t start using the loo as soon as they’re born?

anon Report

Final score:

139points

POST

Latchkey 2 years ago (edited)

We don't demand unconditional attention, love, and respect from a pet, why should we do so from a child?

52points

At the same time, for children of toxic parents, it is extremely important to try to find ways to cope with this situation. Spending time with supportive people is one way, and doing things that make you happy and make you feel good about yourself. In some cases, however, seeking professional help is the only way, and if a child feels like they are not able to handle the situation anymore, it’s best to not wait, but act as soon as possible.

#16

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread If the kid is “mature for their age”, they are being severely neglected emotionally and most likely already have deep psychological scars.

KailTheDryad , cottonbro Report

Final score:

136points

POST

Bored Retsuko 2 years ago

Yes, can cofirm. Also, an interesting fact I'd like to add: when adult survivors of childhood (psychological) abuse look back at situations in their childhood, they typically appear to themselves as much older and more mature than they actually were.

68points

#17

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Emotional manipulation and gaslighting.

HindoHandoHondo , Gustavo Fring Report

Final score:

126points

POST

Pirates of Zen Pants 2 years ago

I had years of this. I finally got my mother to stop contacting me by printing out a list of "Adverse Childhood Experiences" and checking off the ones I was subject to under her rule. Final score: eight out of ten. As an abusive narcissist, she can't admit what she's done, and this rude awakening did what nothing else could. It stunned her into silence.

56points

#18

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Constant criticism of choices

anon , RODNAE Productions Report

Final score:

124points

POST

ErrorGamer2000 2 years ago

Yes yes yes yes I hate it.

33points

#19

Treating kids like they aren't supposed to have emotions

Bee0099 Report

Final score:

122points

POST

Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago

"You're such a drama queen!" "Why do you have to be so defensive all of the time?" "STOP THAT CRYING." Yeah, you torment us, we break and respond, and WE'RE the ones who are wrong? No, that's just abuse.

61points

#20

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Telling your child to do something, then getting mad when they do it wrong.

One time my mom made me fold her laundry, then got mad at me because one her shirts was inside out.

I think about that every time I fold clothes now...

Nickynui , Annushka Ahuja Report

Final score:

120points

POST

LoudMansLover 2 years ago

I cannot dry dishes. It triggers massive PTSD attacks even at age 46. My mom would make me dry the dishes every night with a single towel - lots of dishes -- and berate me constantly that I "did it wrong". Every night. Oh and yes, we had a dishwasher. She was insane about rules for it, you could barely use it and never, ever in the summer.

5points

misssandyshores , Kampus Production Report

#21

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread When children aren’t allowed to have boundaries under the guise of ‘’you shall have respect for your elders/parents/family’’

Final score:

119points

POST

Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago

This is often where weaponized (Christian) forgiveness comes in, too. We all know the rhetoric. "How can you hang on to anger like this?" "Honor your father and mother!" "You seem like such an angry, sad person. You need to forgive and let go." No, actually, I'm allowed to be angry and resentful, have feelings, and hold others accountable for their abuses. Sorry it made Grandma cry, but the ones who were "disrespectful" were the relatives who molested me, not me for finally outing it.

10points

#22

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Parents not understanding kids have bad days to. They may not have a bad day like an adult would, but to their little minds they can get just as overwhelmed as we can mentally.

minimomma1989 , Ivonne Lecou Report

Final score:

118points

POST

Eloise Winter 2 years ago

I have to disagree with " to there a little minds" and "may not have a bad day like and adult would" because there day might be worse than an adults and it might not just be small. I had a earth-shattering panic attack at 10 and laid on the floor unable to move after my knees buckled because the earth and walls were shrinking and the only thing I could say for my hour of hardly breathing was "I'm not good enough, why can't I be perfect." I also had depression at 11 and contemplated suicide. So yeah a kids day can really suck sometimes

68points

#23

"Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about"
"I gave up so much for you and this is how you repay me , by being a little whining brat"
"Sometimes I wish I never had you , why can't you be like *friends name* who is always behaving politely and respectfully "
"Why don't you go and live with *friends name* and their parents. Maybe they will teach you some manners , once you have you can try try speak to me again"

Had this a lot during my childhood

Unique-Hamster-93 Report

Final score:

112points

POST

ErrorGamer2000 2 years ago

I relate to the first two, like a lot

30points

#24

Victim blaming, only seeing the wrong things and ignoring the accomplishments and good and such

water_hat19 Report

Final score:

107points

POST

Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago (edited)

I've mentioned before that my childhood was pretty much a constant gauntlet of bullying and sexual abuse. Every. Single. Time. I mustered the courage to beg my mom to help me, she deflected and made it like it was my fault. My stepfathers had SUCH hard childhoods, I needed to be more understanding, and not put so much stress on them. So-and-so was abused. So-and-so was in Vietnam. So-and-so had mean parents. Maybe I should consider that one of my four-dozen tormenters at school were going through a rough time at home? Or were sad? Or hurt? Maybe I should try reaching out and being friends? OR HEY, MAYBE MY ABUSE AND PAIN WAS JUST AS BAD, MOM? "Hurt people hurt people" is not a f*****g "get out of jail free" card, especially not when it's suggested that, because they had a bad childhood, they now get to destroy mine, too. STOP VICTIM BLAMING CHILDREN. It's not their job to make life easier or more bearable for the adults. If you're that hurt, get therapy.

75points

#25

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Openly having favorites among their kids.

Tyrannical_Pie , Vlada Karpovich Report

Final score:

100points

POST

cute ghost person 2 years ago

I swear thats my dad with my brothers

23points

#26

Thinking that asking a question is arguing

Coochieslayer300 Report

Final score:

100points

POST

Autistic Wolf 2 years ago

What this means is that your parents don't genuinely love you. They "love" you (huge quotation marks) but it means they don't want you to communicate with them to force them to exert any effort whatsoever pretending they actually care you were born. So you ask a question, it's an inconvenience because you're not supposed to be there... you're just there for the tax breaks... they want you to be more like a stuffed animal or a caged hamster.

18points

Hopalicious , Michał Parzuchowski Report

#27

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread When the kids are all in activities they hate because its what the parents want them to do. Living their life over through their kids.

Final score:

95points

POST

Leslie (they/them) 2 years ago

I’ve had to do cello since second grade. My mom’s side of the family has always done some sort of music thing, but it stresses me out so much. She just won’t let me quit.

30points

#28

Getting your kids to pick sides in your broken marriage

toes_malone Report

Final score:

94points

POST

Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago (edited)

This is so, so hard. The way my mom phrased it was "Your father loves you as best as he can." That was the only way to understand why he never called, wrote, or had any interest in us except for maybe once a year for a "family" thing where he needed to look like a good dad in front of his brothers. Two insecure, stupid teenagers got married and crapped out kids for all sorts of insecure reasons to make themselves feel important and fulfilled before they'd grown up at all themselves, and then embarked on years of fights and cheating and open marriage? You both sucked, Mom and Dad.

32points

#29

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Helicopter parenting

lostdoomer , Mikhail Nilov Report

Final score:

83points

POST

Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago (edited)

I see so much of this coming directly from Gen X-ers and growing up as latchkey kids. So many swung that pendulum in the extreme opposite direction as parents themselves that now I have students who start college and have never completed a homework assignment without a parent. They break down at every step of a project or paper because the second they were a little uncomfortable, Mom or Dad would swoop in. Now they have zero life/coping skills.

29points

#30

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread I've met a lot of messed kids whose divorced parents would use them as an outlet to rip on the other parent, and try and pit the kid against the other parent. It makes you question who's really acting like the child here.

manlikerealities , Kindel Media Report

Final score:

78points

POST

Bored Retsuko 2 years ago

Oh yes, but it doesn't happen only with divorced parents, but sometimes also with those who stay together "for the kids". Toxic AF. ☹

33points

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#31

Telling their kids that they have to finish EVERYTHING on their plate, even if they get nauseated or throw up as a result.

lavaicel4v41c3 Report

Final score:

35points

POST

Jon Steensen 2 years ago

... and what good does that make? When you feel full it is your body's way of telling you that you have already supplied it with what it needs. Eating beyond that point will only add exess callories, which will be stored as fat. Yes that extra food on the plate is wasted if thrown out, but stuffing it into your body will also do not good, but might lead to an obesity issue later. So how about focusing on not putting too much food on the plate, by teaching you child that it is okay to aim for the lower side at first, and then adjust with a second (or third or fourth...) serving later? Sometimes we just get the guestimate wrong, because the food is "heavier" than anticipated and then we cannot eat it all. You learn along the way, and it will take some experience to get the portion size right most of the time. Especially if they did not dose the food themselves, e.g. because you were at a restaurant, requiring them to clean the plate is rediculous.

14points

#32

If you feel like you can't be open and honest with them, even over things that are not bad.

keiome Report

Final score:

32points

POST

Bella 2 years ago

When I got raped I was too afraid to tell my mom, and when I did, she blamed me for being raped and then proceeded to cry about how she does so much for me yet I don’t even trust her…

14points

TheStrangestAverage , Андрей Курган Report

#33

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Comparing your kid to someone else’s or vice versa

Final score:

32points

POST

Lsai Aeon 2 years ago (edited)

I was punished for the things my parents friends kids did, even though I was usually always locked in my room at the time

0points

#34

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Promising your kids something, and not following through. This happened about a year ago. I used to have extreme warts on my face and legs. My mom promised me a hundred bucks if I could stop picking at and ruining my face (two red flags already), and promised my brother a hundred bucks to grow out his buzzcut. Weeks pass, and I douse my face in apple cider vinegar. After about three months of scabs on my face, and waiting for the vinegar burns on my face, I had glass skin. During the three months, my brother's buzzcut had grown out and his hair looked great, so he got his money. I asked my mom for my money and she responded with:

"Clara, I already spent a lot of money dying your hair purple. Don't be spoiled."

My hair was no longer purple. A year and a half before this situation, I had lost all my friends, and nobody was really interested in hanging out with me, so my mom suggested getting my hair dyed, and I was SO excited, so of course, I gave in.

By no means is my family running short on money, I think my mom just didn't feel like it.

caterpilar15 , Zhivko Minkov Report

Final score:

31points

POST

Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago

The broken promises pattern is a big one. I look back on my relationship with both of my parents, especially my mom, and never once did either of them follow through on a promise, a suggestion, or an idea. EVER. It really screwed with how I understood goals and achieving them, and what was even possible. As a child, everything was out of reach and impossible, and "maybe we can go to the library this weekend" was as far-fetched as "let's plan a road trip to Disney!" Even something like my mom promising to replace the things that my brother broke never had any follow through. Now? I set a f*****g goal and mow it down like a beast.

5points

ResourceNarrow1153 Report

#35

Telling them “I feed you I raised you and kept a roof over your head” because they didn’t do something you wanted them to do.
That’s emotionally abusive and that’s literally the bare minimum you HAVE to do as a f**k parent.

Final score:

30points

POST

Oliver Thwaites 2 years ago

F**kING*

3points

#36

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread 1)You feel your accomplishments don't matter.

2) you are over sensitive to minor changes in other people's emotions

3) you get startled pretty easily

4) you people please to the extent that it hurts you

5) you think your emotions don't matter

6) you over compensate

7) the thought of even a day without them is relaxing

8) you have a problem with setting boundaries

nukeDworld , cottonbro Report

Final score:

29points

POST

Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 years ago (edited)

Some of there are me... anyone else?

17points

#37

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Refusing to let them grow up. My Mom did this with me and I see it in kids I babysit.

It’s one thing to enjoy the occasional sick cuddles. It’s another thing to keep them in diapers because you don’t want your baby to grow up

Paciem , Elina Fairytale Report

Final score:

27points

POST

Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago

This is a facet of helicopter parenting, too. These parents want to feel needed, wanted, loved by their children to the point that they will emotionally stunt them to keep that relationship with that dynamic. They aren't raising kids to be healthy adults, they're raising a f*****g fan club.

10points

Equal_Context_81 , Ketut Subiyanto Report

#38

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Raising your child in an unhealthy manner then expecting them to suddenly become the opposite when they get older, and if they don't, blaming them for it. I feel like I see this a lot with dependence/independence: a parent does everything for/with their child then expects them to suddenly become completely independent at a certain age. Of course there are normal steps a person needs to take on their own during any major life transition (e.g. when transitioning from being dependent to independent/becoming an adult), but in this case, a parent putting all this pressure on the child alone seems a bit toxic to me.

Others are being overprotective and expecting your child to support you financially/emotionally (nothing wrong with caring for family, but it becomes toxic when 1) a parent starts guilting their child for not doing so and 2) a parent starts e*xpecting* their child to do so on a regular basis).

Final score:

27points

POST

Oliver Thwaites 2 years ago

I think theres a typo with the word "expecting"

0points

#39

Don’t know if you call it toxic, but scolding your kid for behaviours that you as an adult regularly fall into. Eg being moody/irritable when tired or hungry or after a bad day…

TD003 Report

Final score:

27points

POST

A Jones 2 years ago

Hypocrisy can be quite toxic. For one the parents/legal guardians need to lead by example.

6points

#40

Just being unnecessarily angry at the most inconsequential things that kids are bound to do. They’re kids, they’re bound to do dumb s**t or bound to make a mess or break things.

Yes there’s discipline and what not to teach them right from wrong, but I’ve lost count of how many parents I’ve seen over the years totally lose their cool and just lash out at their small kids like “oh my god what is wrong with you! Why did you do that!!?” etc etc.

I just think to myself, dude how old are you again? You’re an adult (and a parent) and you still haven’t learned to productively control and manage your emotions?

I get it, raising kids is tough. But damn at least set a good example in terms of conflict resolution and all.

LigmaSach Report

Final score:

25points

POST

A Jones 2 years ago

Some freak out due to some ego thing, especially in public.

1point

#41

1. If your life at home is supposed to be some kind of secret to the outside world, it is toxic.

2. If your parents say no to basic things like shoes and clothing or even a special toy you ask for on holidays "because I say so" or "we can't afford that" but then turn around and shower themselves with collectables, clothing and shoes, that's toxic.

3. Weird financial stuff. For example, my mom made me pay for a car, behind my dad's back, and then made me give the car back when I got married. When I reminded her she made me write her checks, she said "oh that was just to use the car!" Another thing was when I finished paying off my student loans, I found out my mother had pocketed MY refund checks. She had always said there was no refund.

4. When they discourage age appropriate milestones. Like having friends, learning to drive, etc.

5. If they make you be around people who clearly make you uncomfortable. Like relatives who were inappropriate towards you, but it's a holiday so don't make us uncomfortable. Run.

6. When they make your feelings out to be a total inconvenience.

....I think that covers the last few years of things I discovered in therapy....

craftyyuppie Report

Final score:

24points

POST

Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago

One of the only big blow-ups I had with my grandmother was when she wanted to invite the cousin who'd molested me for 8 years to Christmas. Choked with sobs because she was heartbroken that he'd "spend the holiday alone," she begged me to "forgive him" and "move on." No. Effing. Way. "Do you really expect me to sit at the holiday dinner table and pass the potatoes to the guy who abused me for my entire childhood? You expect me to introduce George to him, you expect George to pass him the potatoes?" (Sadly, that was the argument that she got.) Also, he's "alone" because he's a meth-addicted alcoholic POS who hates everything.

7points

#42

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Personally, my father once said that it "wasn't his job to care about how I felt" because he's not a female. Note, that this was immediately after I told him I wanted to live with my mom and when he asked me why (after throwing a chair at me and cussing me out) and I told him a multitude of reasons but the main one was the fact that I felt like my feelings were ignored and as long as I was cared for monetarily I didn't matter. The same man who refused to let me talk to my mom outside of the weekend visits we had every other weekend.

And now, I might as well be incapable of healthily expressing my feelings.

So, tldr: Totally invalidating a child's feelings because the parent is convinced that they only need to care for a child physically.

Junko_Trash , Pixabay Report

Final score:

22points

POST

Autistic Wolf 2 years ago

Funny how family courts literally will only ever seem to give the kid in a divorce to the worst possible parent. Our Family Courts system is completely broken because we are afraid to admit it but we straight up hate children in this country (once they're born). An unborn fetus is treated like it's worth more than gold but once the kid is born we only care that is suffers as much as humanly possible.

1point

Enlightened_Ghost_ Report

#43

As a teacher, calling your teenage horrible person of a son or daughter a "baby."

How is a fifteen year old sociopathic teen a baby? They're about three years away from being charged as an adult for the f****d up things they do to others, two in some states. Yet some parents show up to school trying to justify and cover for their "babies," even if we have video footage of them committing crimes like damaging property or stomping out another student for petty reasons.

Sometimes they even brutally attack teachers, and parents first words will still, "you have to understand our baby has been through so much." I don't have to understand s**t once that line is crossed and no baby could do that to another person. So, something is very wrong with a lot of parents in our society. Just FYI. This is a recurring pattern we see every year.

Final score:

22points

POST

Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago

"They don't understaaaand-" Then that's what they'll learn in my class. Now go the f**k away.

2points

#44

Knowing whose footsteps are whose.

Perfect lying skills

The only copping mechanism you know is "suck it up, it's not that bad"

Having zero social skills

Feeling like the slightest mistake makes you a mistake

Isweariamfine Report

Final score:

22points

POST

Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 2 years ago

Ok aren't knowing footsteps normal? Like you live with these people for ages you will learn to recognise it...

8points

#45

I have a friend (let’s call Judy) who is literally surveilled by her parents 24/7. We are both 17/18 and yet our lives are so different.

The first time I met Judy’s parents at a competition we were both apart of. Both of Judy’s parents were Veterans who fought in Afghanistan (her father even losing a leg!) although the competition was a good 100 miles away and the bus could only take students, her parents showed up and were on her like a HAWK.

The competition was on a college campus and we were limited to where we can and couldn’t go. But overall, a good square mile. When we got off the bus, Judy took out her flip phone and found that her parents called her 5 TIMES from just the bus ride. When they arrived, they would follow Judy and I around 6ft behind not giving her any privacy. What was also really weird was the obsessive amount of pictures her mother wanted to take of her even when she wasn’t comfortable. She was able to sneak away and eat lunch with us in peace but her mother was furious.

Prom was a complete disaster. We were having a wonderful time before I was getting a little hot and stepped out for a breath of fresh air. HER MOTHER WAS GUARDING THE DOOR WATCHING HER DAUGHTER. Seriously? It’s prom! They check our bags before we go in!

The most delinquent thing I’ve ever seen Judy do is put on her rings at school because her parents didn’t like them. She’s a straight A student and was stellar in the competition we were in. Toxic parenting is refusing your child to be independent and have a break for crying out loud!

Bambiisong Report

Final score:

21points

POST

Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago

C'mon, Judy! Land that scholarship and go NC with your parents!

1point

#46

they remove the door to your room.

Drag0n411Keeper Report

Final score:

21points

POST

Bella 2 years ago

Whenever I ask my mom to leave my room because she’s yelling at me or threatening me, or she’s yelling at me so I go to my room cause I don’t want to have a mental breakdown in front of her but she just follows me in and keeps yelling at me so I ask her to leave and she says “it’s my room, I’m just letting you stay in it” I’m 16… and when I do have a door I’m never allowed to have a lock

8points

#47

The “I guess I’m just a bad parent” line

HoneyOaksTree Report

Final score:

20points

POST

Szirra 2 years ago

Only valid answer: yes, you are. Don‘t ask stupid rhetorical questions for the sake of emotional manipulation. Grow up.

11points

#48

Smashing the kids electronics that the kid paid for with their own money

Salinas1812 Report

Final score:

20points

POST

Autistic Wolf 2 years ago

Rare but this does happen. Parents destroying things a kid bought with their own actual hard work (either through chores or whatever). Same thing with taking money they earned. Rare but I've seen both...

1point

#49

"You're not depressed! What do you have to be depressed about? Your life is so easy compared to mine. All you do is go to school and see those little friends of yours. You're not sleep deprived because of babies, You don't have to revolve your life around other people! F**k you get to poop in place. So stop being an attention seeking drama queen/whore and know that your problems are NOT as bad as my problems and if you had REAL depression you wouldn't be so happy when you saw your little friends! Oh and by the way, they hate your guts. I know this because.... (insert fake a*s reasons here) and even if they do like you - they don't know the real you. They know the fake you, the one who pretends to be nice. But I know you better than all of them and I know what you're REALLY like".

CopperTodd17 Report

Final score:

19points

POST

Nona Wolf 2 years ago

My mother complained non-stop about how hard it was to be a parent... how thankless and awful it was. She couldn't wait till it was "my turn to suffer". 20 Years later... Mom is somehow surprised that I never had children. Go figure.

12points

#50

There are many signs that can indicate toxic parenting, but some of the most common ones include:

1. A parent who is constantly critical of their child, or who is quick to anger.

2. A parent who is overly involved in their child's life, to the point of being intrusive.

3. A parent who is excessively controlling, or who attempts to micromanage their child's life.

4. A parent who is emotionally abusive, either through their words or their actions.

5. A parent who is physically abusive, either through hitting, slapping, or other forms of violence.

If you see any of these signs in your own parenting, it's important to seek help from a professional. Toxic parenting can have serious consequences for children, including low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and even behavioral problems.

jomphealth Report

Final score:

17points

POST

1.21Gigawatts?! 2 years ago

1 3 4

1point

#51

I will say one that might feel s bit controversial

For me it's pulling the "Fred and George Weasley", what I mean is having twins and raising them as if they are the same person, not caring about them having different characters and having do everything together just because they are siblings and look alike. One wants to start playing basketball? the other one has to go aswell. I think you get the idea

Left-League-8646 Report

Final score:

17points

POST

Amy Taylor 2 years ago

This has always bothered me. Twins run in my family so when I decided to have kids, I vowed not to treat them like bookends. My twin cousins really resented being dressed alike or being treated as half of a person. They have totally different personalities. They really struggled. with their identities growing up. They were always referred to as "the twins" instead of their names. I'll never understand why parents do that. Because it's "cute"??

4points

#52

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread When my cousins step brother traveled upon arrival he had to call his mom, his grandmom, then their minister/priest. Each call took about an hour. The call to the priest was to confess any impure thoughts he had while driving alone.

This was for any drive over an hour. If he didn't do this he faced punishment. The guy was 26 When he moved out.

suitology , Nasik Lababan Report

Final score:

16points

POST

Jon Steensen 2 years ago

Yikes! I might understand a short call to relatives to tell them you have reached your destination safely. But spending an hour? that sounds like a huge waste of time. He is a grown up by now, so all you can do is to make sugestions about what you want. Straight up punishing a grownup for not complying with the rules that you have set, is beyound resonalbe. He should be able to make his own decitions by now, so that level of controling behaviour is completely out of place. Sounds like a cult.

6points

#53

S**t my dad has said to me growing up were definitely red flag toxicity. S**t like “Your grampa embarrassed me in public growing up, now it’s my turn!” and “I think your friend is gay, he better not make you gay!”

TrinixDMorrison Report

Final score:

15points

POST

#54

Giving the child absolutely everything and anything they ever want, unable to say no.

Sure, give them things, but not everything. This isn't nice, it spoils them and doesn't teach them any value of earning things and then you get teens/young adults who feel they're entitled to everything.

EvieAsPi Report

Final score:

15points

POST

Dolevaal 2 years ago

This. I see this way too often at my job.

2points

#55

Threaten your child with abandonment and unemployment just because they refuse to pick the major you want them to study.

Khoithui87 Report

Final score:

15points

POST

Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago

"As soon as you turn 18, you're out on your own!"

3points

#56

When a parent refuses to believe you after presenting loads of irrefutable proof.

BagofEndlessHugs Report

Final score:

15points

POST

Chloé-Louis Beaugrand 2 years ago

Or when they refuse to look at the proof and only believe it when it comes from another person (me, telling my dad something about Putin "you liar, there's no way he would loose time doing that", literally the next day "hey I read so so on Putin this morning. What no you never told me this" (it was about Putin forbidding gay marriage in the Russian constitution, we are not Russian but I am NB so I often have this kind of informations on my phone, he thought I played victim))

2points

#57

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread I have a personal experience with my toxic parents:

* Undermining everything good thing you have done in your life
* Making unfair comparisons
* Being cruel to your out of a twisted sense of justice
* Acting immoral but holding your children to an unrealistic standard
* Turn other family members against you
* Spying on you
* Cursing you and hoping you suffer when they don't get their way
* Strategically using weaknesses against you in a middle of argument
* Speaking negatively about you behind your back
* Breaking their promises
* Feeling entitled to your money
* Dumping their debts and problems on your shoulders
* Call you vile names and yet still demand you owe them something
* Using religion as sword and shield against you
* Reminding you how much you owe them

RecalcitrantMonk , Keira Burton Report

Final score:

14points

POST

EpicWolfandSparrow 2 years ago

1, 4, 5, 6, 7, ESPECIALLY 8!, 9, 10, 11,12, 14. Gosh I'm fricked up

0points

#58

Comparing you to your other parent when you’re in an argument

Thatoneguy987- Report

Final score:

14points

POST

Michelle C 2 years ago

“You’re just like your mother!” Oh, so a saint. Thanks!! (I wish I had said this as a kid sometimes!)

0points

#59

Being strict, for the sake of being strict.

There's nothing wrong with strictness in and of itself. It's a good thing IF it produces more productivity, fulfillment, and efficiency. is it keeping everybody happy? Is it keeping everybody active and productive? Is it flexible?

It becomes a problem when the strictness serves no purpose, or only serves to keep people on their toes, or make them think they're walking on thin ice all the time.

spaghatta111 Report

Final score:

14points

POST

Me Oh My 2 years ago

Oh look, my parents.

5points

#60

Denying the child any privacy because “they only want the best for them” and “they have a right to know”

concrete examples include going over my trash and placing it on my desk, opening letters without permission, copying over all my phone contacts and actually using those numbers on non-emergencies

SquareBear9 Report

Final score:

14points

POST

Jon Steensen 2 years ago

I once read about a parent who removed the door to the childs room. Imagine potentially being under surveilance 24/7, that must be a major stress factor.

6points

#61

Punishing adult children when they don't do everything you say by silent treatment or nasty texts. ..days later acting like nothing happened. Saying , "you never let go of things."

LuxsLumen Report

Final score:

13points

POST

#62

Narcissism

How can a child gain self-esteem, confidence and strong will if the parent is diminishing their achievements while comparing themselves to their children as someone who's doing more and better?

Rokador Report

Final score:

13points

POST

#63

Micromanaging their kids to suit other peoples’ opinions of the parent. Basically the classic “What will other people say/think?”

Really can mess a kid up and perpetuate people pleasing tendencies and a lack of identity

Far-Word-9623 Report

Final score:

13points

POST

FinkAdele 2 years ago

My grandmother and my mother. I laugh through tears when I see "Baby Jesus comes here for Christmas, not your clean windows" type of memes...

0points

#64

when they say "i never said that you made that up" when i told my mom how she doesn't let me go out with friends or even have male friends. ☹️

Double_Region4113 Report

Final score:

12points

POST

Lsai Aeon 2 years ago (edited)

According to my mom, I made literally everything up, and the condescending smile and tone of voice that goes with it

3points

#65

Invalidating your identity and life choices.

Hydra_Haruspex Report

Final score:

12points

POST

Chloé-Louis Beaugrand 2 years ago

Like refusing a coming out "Dad I am..." "no, you're not" (true story)

4points

#66

Babying them as teens so they have to work harder to become successful adults.

TimeTraveler3056 Report

Final score:

11points

POST

#67

Seeing a parent getting mad or hitting a kid for wanting a toy or a piece of candy in the store… kids are supposed to like candy and toys what the hell did you expect from them

ggiag Report

Final score:

11points

POST

AmAndA_Panda 2 years ago

No, you shouldn't get mad just because your child wants something a child SHOULD want. However, you see these kids in stores all the time not just asking for a toy. But screaming and throwing a fit because mom told them no. Hitting is never ok. But it's perfectly reasonable to get irritated and get on to the child. Yes, it's normal behavior. But it's normal behavior that needs to be corrected.

4points

#68

Justifying shi**y behaviour with "I'm only doing this because I care".

ocd-throwaway474 Report

Final score:

11points

POST

Your average non-binary wolf 2 years ago

Or 'This hurts me more that it hurts you'. B******t.

1point

ForsakenPercentage53 Report

#69

Parentification

Final score:

11points

POST

Susan Betz 2 years ago

OMG yes. My little sister has no memories of my mother or father bathing her or reading to her, she remembers me doing that. I am 4 years older than her.

2points

#70

My mom made me have an insane distrust in anyone around me. I always have to have some sort of dirt on ever close friend i have. This is because my mom will promise that things i deeply care about wont be taken from me, but when she wants me to behave, she will take them. She will manipulate me, gaslight me. Say that i expect her to be perfect when i only expect her to uphold her promises. I cant trust anything or anyone around me anymore. I *need* a way to destroy someones life to trust them. Just in case they try to ruin mine. I hate that. I have only realized this recently. Im 13. Im 13 and i dont have any real trust in anyone because of her. I cant get therapy. Im stuck.

UndeadBeedril Report

Final score:

11points

POST

Edward Willis 2 years ago

You've realised. Regardless of how recently that was, many people don't get that far for years later, if at all. A problem identified is a problem that, if not solveable, can be helped. There are also free resources out there, including online counselling. You might be stuck _for now_ in _certain_ respects, but one day you'll be free from those, even though you likely can't see how now.

5points

Shot-Complaint8072 Report

#71

not being able to be honest, having to distance yourself, yelling at you as communicating

Final score:

10points

POST

Me Oh My 2 years ago

Ooh, and then punishing you when you yell back/even raise your voice slightly/dare to respond.

3points

#72

Modeling poor coping mechanisms and then being surprised and angry that the kids mirror their poor coping mechanisms.

Expecting their kids to know how to do something that they never taught them.

Discouraging/shaming a child for being themselves

undeadcapybara Report

Final score:

10points

POST

#73

Lack of empathy and becoming hostile and physically/verbally abusive.

Bikiniandbonfires Report

Final score:

9points

POST

#74

Having punishments not fit the offence, if I forgot to do the dishes having my phone taken away is not a valid punishment

SuperBubbles2003 Report

Final score:

9points

POST

Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago

The first time I saw Matilda, I couldn't believe that actual things I used to get punished for were used here as hyperbole. Yes, I got grounded once at 14-15 because I was doing my homework, and Step2 decided I was "a snob" and should "come watch TV with the rest of the family for a change." I thought he was joking and started to nervously giggle and asked "You... want me to go to school tomorrow and tell my algebra teacher I didn't do my homework because I had to watch TV with the family?" which meant I got another smack in the face and screamed at about what a backtalking little b***h I was.

7points

#75

Infantilizing your kid. After a point it’s insulting and degrades their sense of autonomy. Even worse when they become an adult LOL

invertedradish Report

Final score:

9points

POST

1.21Gigawatts?! 2 years ago

My mom 100%

1point

MrsUnicornRainbow81 , Liza Summer Report

#76

Farming your children off to a long line of au pairs and other substandard help, all of whom get sent away and replaced so the children don't form a steady bond with anyone. If you're going to have someone help raise your child, make sure it's someone consistent and decently skilled that you can keep around in the long term.

On that note, failing to treat the people raising your children with respect.

Craicpot7 Report

Final score:

8points

POST

#77

30 Ways To Tell Someone Is A Bad Parent, Shared By This Online Thread Giving up on your kid. If they're experiencing hard times like failing in school, or engaging in unsafe sexual activity and you just don't even try to help them at all. You just go oh well guess they want to fail.
Putting thier love life 1st. Whatever new bf comes along you better hope they like you/kids or you'll just be sitting in your room till the next one comes along

Final score:

8points

POST

Justme 2 years ago

There’s giving up on your kid, and then there’s cutting out an adult child who is toxic, manipulative, and just plain mean.

5points

#78

"What is mine is mine and what is yours is mine"

iPotatoFace Report

Final score:

8points

POST

#79

Saying NO to everything and not letting the kid have individuality.

If the kid has anxiety issues and wants to learn a skill that is taught outside of school - don't just ask them to find out information about it. Help them by asking if they want your help by going along with them to find that said information.

Edit: adding to this. F**k all reward based mentality - like don't put unnecessary pressure on your kid by bribing them with some sort of reward if they get good grades or if they hit a home run in a game. F**k your mentality!

LAwasdepressing Report

Final score:

8points

POST

Autistic apricot 2 years ago

I have a hard time going to school and we have a reward system for me going to school. 4 weeks/ month = magazine and a whole term is going out for lunch. It does help me going to school consistently

2points

#80

Ruin your reputation around people to get their attention and sympathy

iPotatoFace Report

Final score:

8points

POST

Me Oh My 2 years ago

Or spreading stuff around that you told them *in confidence*, and made it very clear that you did not want them discussing it with others. Especially if it's something that hurt you deeply.

3points

#81

My parents are old and old fashioned and maybe this is part of it. But they pretend to care about my mental health and then they do stuff that destroys it. I have no coping skills. I dont know how to handle my emotions. Because of this I completely failed my first year of college. My dad is all, suck it up and go on with life.

Iron_Wolf_7801 Report

Final score:

8points

POST

#82

Holding you back because they’re too scared for you to not need them bc they “love” you

Hoopafoopa Report

Final score:

8points

POST

1.21Gigawatts?! 2 years ago

Again, infantilism

1point

#83

unnecessarily raising their voice

Value-Successful Report

Final score:

7points

POST

Autistic apricot 2 years ago

Yeah

1point

#84

A young obese child

chicagotim1 Report

Final score:

7points

POST

Jordi Sharpe 2 years ago

Really? Ignoring issues like hyperthyroidism? Yes, a child becoming obese due to negligent or abusive parenting is possible, but not every case of obesity.

5points

#85

When your child has C-PTSD, and both of you are a major part of that for many reasons.

BlackCaaaaat Report

Final score:

7points

POST

1.21Gigawatts?! 2 years ago

If you don’t mind my asking, what does the C stand for in C-PTSD?

1point

#86

Withholding food as punishment

englishnoobi Report

Final score:

7points

POST

Autistic Wolf 2 years ago

That's literally illegal (child abuse). Most parents are afraid to do that because a malnurished child can land them with actual legal troubles. Then again, most parents seem to hold some serious disdain for their own kids so I think a percentage of them consider mild starvation as "worth the risk to have such complete power over another human." Must feel really good tbh if you're a sociopath but decided to have kids anyways.

2points

#87

Saying "I know" without knowing anything about the topic at all

sTHROWnes Report

Final score:

7points

POST

EpicWolfandSparrow 2 years ago

I admit I do this while driving, but I'm trying to focus and being told every single detail is a bit distracting. Saying this as a learning driver. But in most cases yes, this

0points

MathematicianOld1117 Report

#88

Friend of mine once had a coworker (middle-aged female mom) whose daughter was studying to be a nurse. Mom routinely *did the daughter's homework for her*.

I feel for whomever was subjected to daughter's care.

Final score:

6points

POST

Denise VanBuren 2 years ago

No worries. If she doesn't do the studying and learning herself she won't be able to pass the NCLEX end become an actual nurse

3points

#89

authoritarian need for control over their children. Belittling and nasty psychological warfare that gets personal for no reason. "I'm your parent not your friend" mentality.

xXxmisschiefxXx Report

Final score:

6points

POST

Jon Steensen 2 years ago

It is a delicate balance though. Sometimes as a parent you just have to step up and straight up tell your child what to do. They don't have your experiences, so if they are given the option of always doing everything as the want, they are bound to hurt or even kill themselves, or make some really poor decitions that they will have to pay a high price for later in life (skipping school, teenage pregnancies etc.) due to a lack of knowledge about how the world works. The "I am my child's best friend"-attitude can also be really bad, as the kind relationship between equal people you have with friends is very different from assymmetric relationship between a grown up and a child. Of course you should listen to your child, and let their opinion weigh in on the decitions, but if they want ice cream and pancakes for dinner everyday, it might be the right time to be the adult and not the friend.

6points

tiraralabasura_2055 Report

#90

Letting your children get away with certain behavior without any reprisal or discipline, and then suddenly going total apes**t one time for them doing what they’ve always thought was okay to do.

Final score:

6points

POST

#91

Saying you’re making stuff up and that you’re crazy when you point out the most of the mistakes/abuse the parent(s) caused.

Bonus points if they say they’re “nauseous,” and have to walk away when you’re finally proving them wrong. Double bonus points if they make a p**s poor acting job of puking.

Kyber_Crystal1995 Report

Final score:

6points

POST

Lsai Aeon 2 years ago

I always got "I can't deal with this right now" then she'd hang up on me.

3points

#92

Idk if other parents do this but my mom does and it sounds toxic asf (here's some backstory) apparently when me and my siblings were like real little kids we went to visit family in Alabama. There was some woman there, let's call her J. Apparently she was like a married-in sibling to my dad or some s**t, and her mom (my grandma) would talk about her to my dad in front of my mom (stuff like "she's a real pretty girl".) Apparently this made my mom mad and it caused a lot of family drama (like they were considering divorce.) Now sometimes when my mom gets mad at me and my siblings she'll say "I bet you wish you lived with J, you think she'd be a better mom than me." Thing is I don't even remember the woman. I haven't seen her since I was like 4 and I'm almost 15 now. Idk man it sounds toxic to me

berrys_a_ghost Report

Final score:

6points

POST

#93

I *had* (past tense for many, many reasons) a friend and he and his then girlfriend/now wife were toxic as f**k with her kids (and I assume the one they have together now, too). Anytime the kids did anything they didn't like, it was *immediately* yelling, belittling, threatening, or hitting. There was no in between, and it didn't matter how minor the "infraction" was.

I once overheard my former friend ranting at one of his step daughters for a solid 10 minutes because she left a glass of water half finished on the table. The girl said she was going to get something out of the other room and was coming back, but he just turned that into "well you're always leaving s**t all over the house so how the f**k could I know that?!". She yelled back and that's when he started threatening to whoop her with a belt and take away her things for "disrespecting" him. Step daughter was like 11 by the way. He was 33 and had only been with their mom for like 2 years at the time. Their mom is no better, I'd overheard her doing plenty of the same.

Those kids got a s**t set of parents.

Ryoukugan Report

Final score:

4points

POST

1.21Gigawatts?! 2 years ago

I’m not surprised he yelled at her for 10 minutes. My sister once put a mixer she used to make muffins or cupcakes straight into the dishwasher and my mom yelled at her for 13 minutes and 47 seconds or so. That’s AFTER I started recording! Toxic parents yell at their kids for a long time no matter how small the problem is.

2points