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50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People

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Those who have been in a relationship know that love isn’t simple or easy. In the beginning, it might seem like you found your perfect match, but when the butterflies settle and reality kicks in, differences and disagreements arise that may make you wonder if you’re right for each other. Then, the couple's survival depends on whether they’re able to work through such challenges or become so consumed by them that the only thing left is to part ways.

Sometimes the outcome becomes more obvious to others who can’t help but observe the relationship from the outside. Like to these older redditors, who recently shared the telltale signs that marriage isn’t going to last. Scroll down to find their most popular answers, and don’t shy away from sharing some of your own in the comments below!

While you're at it, don't forget to check out a conversation with the person who started this discussion in the first place, licensed therapist and founder of Moving Beyond You, Samantha Saunders, and celebrant, mental health advocate, and relationship expert Julie Muir, who kindly agreed to share their expert insights on the matter.

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People When the groom toasted the bride at the reception and said he initially didn't like her because she "never shut up," but she was "learning to put a sock in it now," then turned and "jokingly" pretended to backhand her. To the guests' credit, nobody laughed; instead there was awkward silence.

They divorced eight weeks later.

nameyourpoison11 , Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

72points

Deborah B 3 days ago

8 weeks seems long...I'd be surprised if the bride left the reception venue with him after that.

43points

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#2

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People My son and daughter in law started taking separate vacations. The divorce was about 2 years later.

For the record, I kept the daughter in law, she's a sweetheart.

Any_Assumption_2023 , Diane Picchiottino/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

68points

Riley Quinn 3 days ago

I'm a firm believer in separate lives. Separate interests, bank accounts, and bedrooms. Individual interests adds to conversation and adds to your social circle. Separate bank accounts should be mandatory because you need access to your money, which can be frozen under certain circumstances. And separate bedrooms because we're grown a*s adults who deserve our own space and a good night's sleep, and all the other good physical/mental health reasons.

13points

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#3

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Several people from my social circle are in our forties and fifties. The bigger the wedding, the messier the divorce.

DamnGoodMarmalade , Allef Vinicius/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

62points

Riley Quinn 3 days ago

Lavish weddings and expensive rings is statistically proven to end in divorce. Those who spend $1000 or less on their wedding generally have longer marriages.

19points

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The redditor who sparked this discussion online is a single Brazilian guy who turned 30 this year. His relationship status often allows him to observe misalignments or even straight-up disrespect in other couples.

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But since he didn't want to prematurely judge other people's relationships, he chose to ask more about it and directed his question to older people. "They must have seen their share of marriages working and not working and would know better than myself," he said, explaining his motivation for starting such a discussion.

#4

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Smashing cake into each other's face at the wedding.

Phylace , WeddingMan123/Youtube (not the actual photo) Report

61points

Janelle Collard Premium 3 days ago (edited)

That would be a kick in the goolies (British slang) if some man did that to me. Just sayin'...

44points

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#5

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Different views on money. If one is a saver and the other is a spender, the marriage is doomed.

PicoRascar , Alexander Grey/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

57points

Michael Largey 3 days ago

Where I am a spender, my wife is a saver. And the reverse. We listen and keep each other on track.

8points

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#6

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People My wife and I would invite other couples to go canoeing with us. We had a 100% accuracy in predicting marital success based on the level of cooperation and recrimination during the outing.

NPHighview , Faruk Tokluoğlu/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

53points

Papa 2 days ago

Similar to this, if a couple has been dating for a while, the first road trip that lasts several days will often be a good indicator. It's not uncommon for the breakup to happen pretty soon after they get home.

18points

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"It was interesting to see a lot of what they mentioned were things I've already caught glimpses of, such as treating each other with contempt and making bad comments about their spouses. Excessive professing of their love on social media also had already come to mind," he shared.

"And of course, with the advantage of their experience, they shared stuff that I don't yet have the time to have witnessed, like bigger weddings resulting in messier divorces and vow renewals as a sign things are ending near. But regardless, the bottom line is that a lot of what was said were things that are easy to spot when you're not from the perspective of someone inside the relationship," he additionally noted.

#7

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People As soon as someone starts talking trash about someone behind their back, I figure that the expiration date on that relationship, no matter the nature of it, has expired. It's like an announcement.

Memitim , Daniele La Rosa Messina/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

52points

Riley Quinn 3 days ago

When I first moved into this building the old people relentlessly gossiped about one another. It was pathetic. Got to the point where I wouldn't open my door, and I avoid them in the hallways. I don't want to hear that kind of talk.

6points

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#8

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Sister and ex-brother in law. They fought all the time before they married, got in a fight AT their wedding reception and shut it down, then lasted a few years before he cheated and they divorced. If your dating years are tumultuous, it will NOT get any better.

Alan_Wench , Kristy Cruz/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

50points

Riley Quinn 3 days ago

Obviously too obtuse to see the red flags, but on a bright note, no mention of these nitwits dragging children into their immature lives.

12points

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#9

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People They make rude comments about each other in front of guests, which is very awkward to be around. They'll speak nastily (is that a work?) about the other partner all the time to friends/ family/ coworkers. They'll have emotional affairs on their partner & claim "Oh, he/she/they are just a friend."

hannibalsmommy , Sable Flow/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

46points

StarCrossedFriday 3 days ago

I have a friend who makes the nastiest comments about her bf, in front of him, but apparently not meant to be hurtful. It’s all ‘jokey’ comments like how he’s useless in every conceivable way and how he’s ‘never satisfied any woman, and certainly not her’. Still super awkward, and I really don’t get how they’re still together two years on. He makes comments back too, but they’re nowhere near as harsh as hers. I don’t get it, but she insists it’s all in good fun - I fear he may not think it as ‘fun’ as she does.

24points

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When asked if he believes that relationships should always be worth putting in more effort, he wasn't sure about it.

"I honestly wouldn't have an answer for that. What I can say is that it seems like being blind to red flags and trying to make it work even when feeling miserable seems not to be exclusive to any generation. Love being blind is, I guess, a universal and timeless chunk of the human experience," he concluded.

#10

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Yes. My brother married an only child that is very close to her parents. Her parents were at their house all the time. He didn’t just marry the girl, he married the girl and her parents. As a couple, and later with kids, they never had the chance to form and grow as their own family unit because the controlling grandparents were always involved. The marriage lasted 25 years and failed as soon as the kids were grown. I knew it would fail about two years after they got married. The marriage was too crowded.

Expat111 , Marc A. Sporys/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

41points

Lenore Jean Jones 3 days ago

An only child close to their parents does not equal controlling, intrusive parents. Frequent visits don't mean that, either. They might be controlling, but they also might not. You have to know a lot more than that.

10points

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#11

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Yes, I went to their wedding, and I was sure he was gay.

Yep...

oldguy76205 , Samantha Gades/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

40points

Riley Quinn 3 days ago

Don't know the year this was posted, but anyone alive before the legalization of gay marriage has either been to one of these faux marriages or knew of them. My friend married a gay man in the service to protect his career and got premium health insurance in the bargain. The principal of my elementary school in the 60's was married with 7 kids. He wouldn't have had that job if he was out. Back then, people did what they had to in order to survive in religious, homophobic countries.

41points

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#12

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People I know this guy who always talked down to his wife. It was really uncomfortable to be around them because he treated her like she was a child. She only stayed with him about a year.

Electric-Sheepskin , Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

37points

Riley Quinn 3 days ago

I've met these couples, and it's more than awkward. Say something to the bully and you risk the wife getting beat when everyone's gone. But confronting a bully, esp. in a group is something I'm more than willing to do if I know the repercussions.

7points

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Whereas, licensed therapist and founder of Moving Beyond You, Samantha Saunders, and celebrant, mental health advocate, and relationship expert, Julie Muir, believe that not all relationships are worth saving.

"While effort is essential in healthy relationships, there are situations where it’s better to walk away—especially when the relationship becomes toxic, abusive, or consistently drains your mental health," Saunders says.

#13

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People My daughter and her ex. He's part of the Mormon cult, and she converted. She's uber liberal, I mean Harris was too conservative for her. Plus she a strong LGBTQ ally. I was surprised they lasted 7 years.

No-Profession422 , Clem Onojeghuo/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

35points

Riley Quinn 3 days ago

I'm going to chock this up to great sex because it defies logic.

23points

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#14

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People A lack of respect between the parties. I usually see this in the way they treat each other in conversation. Especially corrosive are digs at each other, sarcastic or straightforward, in front of others. A lack of affection and smiles.

Of course if one person expresses either fear of a spouse or of an affair, that means rocky shores straight ahead.

Doubtful__Guest_Too , Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

33points

Riley Quinn 3 days ago

My ex and I were so good at BSing the neighbors and casual friends that they were shocked when we got divorced. Only confidants knew the ugly truth transpiring behind closed doors.

4points

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#15

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People When the couple start treating each other with contempt, sooner or later, the marriage is done.

MostlyHarmless88 , Charlie Foster/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

33points

Riley Quinn 3 days ago

Marriage brings out a range of emotions, but contempt is the death knell.

9points

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"If there’s any kind of abuse—physical, emotional, or psychological—that’s a clear “time to go.” No question," agrees Muir.

"Repeated betrayal is another dealbreaker. If trust has been shattered and there’s no genuine effort to rebuild it, you’re trying to build a house on quicksand."

Contempt and disrespect are also some of the biggest signs that a relationship isn't going to last, she says. "Eye-rolling, sarcasm, belittling, or outright dismissive behavior—those are all signs the relationship’s foundation is crumbling. It’s like poison for any partnership and can be incredibly tough to recover from."

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Lack of emotional intimacy is another huge one. "If a couple stops sharing their feelings, skips the “How was your day?” conversations, or loses interest in each other’s lives, it’s a red flag. Emotional disconnection is like a slow leak in a tire—it might not seem urgent at first, but it’ll leave you stranded if ignored."

#16

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People The ones who constantly post on social media about how wonderful each other are, ‘love you to the moon and back’’ No, I love you more,’ etc. is always a red flag to me. Every single couple we know who posted like this suddenly split up. It was like 'everything's perfect' one day, and one of them has moved out the next day.

KismetMeetsKarma , Tim Mossholder/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

33points

Amelia Jade 3 days ago

I had a friend who posted like this. But behind closed doors the marriage was not going well. I knew because she was confiding in me. So, I knew what was really going on. It was really weird to know he'd written her a letter about being a porn addict, and how he wasn't attracted to her anymore, and other devastating stuff, but then see them on FB being all lovey and posting pics of them being close and kissing. The first time it happened I thought they'd managed to fix things. Nope. Their posts were just to keep up appearances.

7points

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#17

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Right after the wedding she moved in and he would not give her the password for the thermostat.

Automatic-Diamond-52 , Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

32points

Hodge Elmwood 3 days ago

If you believe your thermostat needs a password, you have problems living with ANY other people.

57points

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#18

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People The guy is in the military, the wife raises their son mostly alone! The man continues to re-enlist, even though he promises her he won’t. Poor woman left her hometown, friends, family, to live down South so they could be a family. Guy is still not home much, woman is now unhappy, lonelier than ever! Then finds out man is looking at Only fans, dating apps, and cheating on her. Thankfully she has moved back here, and filed for divorce , she and her son are back with family and friends! This is a friend of one of my kids.

Lainarlej , Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

31points

Jay Scales 2 days ago

I hope she finds happiness :)

8points

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#19

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Lack of trust is the biggest red flag of all. Next runner up is bitterness.

Lemmy_Axe_U_Sumphin , Wesley Tingey/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

30points

Hodge Elmwood 3 days ago

I would say that lack of respect is just as big.

9points

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Additional relationship warning signs that Saunders mentions include a lack of communication, repeated contempt or criticism, and a breakdown of trust. "When both partners feel disconnected or like they’re no longer a team, it’s often a red flag. A persistent lack of effort to resolve conflicts or an unwillingness to meet each other’s emotional needs can also signal deeper problems," she says.

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#20

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People When one person takes up some sort of endurance athletic sport I start to get worried. I know multiple couples where one partner took up long distance running or biking or triathlons and divorce followed not terribly long after. I'm guessing that the endurance athletics is a way of escaping things at home rather than the cause of marital strife (although meeting fun new people who are excited about the same cool new thing you're excited about probably doesn't help any). But if I see this in a couple I know and am relatively close to I'll come right out and ask them how their marriage is doing. It can be an awkward question. But I'd rather ask and let them know I'm happy to help out with the kids, encourage them to seek counseling, etc. than not help them try to save their relationship.

gt0163c , Nurefşan koşar/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

30points

Riley Quinn 3 days ago

Spouse #1's endurance sport was his career, which I was keenly aware of before the marriage. Spouse #2's endurance sport was alcohol and all the ugliness that comes with that level of commitment.

10points

Pheebs 2 days ago

One of my step parents was like spouse #2. I watched the marriage with my parent descend further and further every year as they lost the fight against their addiction. Took the divorce and almost losing everything after because my parent was the only reason bills were getting paid (not because lack of money, but too drunk to manage them) before they backed off the bottle again. Not sure how they’re doing now, almost 15 years later. Alcohol was an addiction that ran in that family, sadly.

1point

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Marnie 2 days ago

How many friends and family can one have to be able to not only notice this as a pattern, but then have enough people left over that it's repeatedly happened again so that you could ask how their marriage is doing? I'd think you'd have to know at least 2000 people.

1point

Captain Grump 3 days ago

Well, I'm married to an endurance runner and have several friends in long term, stable marriages who are also either endurance folks or married to one. So, I guess our limited personal experiences cancel each other out? Or maybe OP is kinda stunned?

1point

Remi (He/Him) 2 days ago

I'm guessing the op means people who weren't into endurance sports taking them on several years after marriage

15points

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Campy 1 day ago

You ask people how THEIR marriage is going? How many times a day do you get called an a*****e?

0points

Andrew Bome 1 day ago

I have never given my significant other any reason to be jealous. However she has referred to my bicycle as "the other woman". We are still going strong.

0points

michael Chock 2 days ago

It can also be getting in shape because they know they will be joining the singles market.

0points

Deirdre M 2 days ago

This one is so true. I needed running to handle my stress.

0points

Julia French 2 days ago

I think sometime our actions, particularly new actions, can be metaphors for things we are in denial about. Has the marriage already become an endurance sport?

0points

Matt 2 days ago

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Parmeisan 2 days ago

"a couple I know and am relatively close to" - there are levels of closeness where this is okay. And if you're close, you'll also know if they would prefer you to butt out.

5points

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#21

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Telltale sign that marriage is kaput: when the couple have an elaborate, showy vow renewal ceremony and celebration.

They distract themselves by planning the event. After the last guest leaves and the party’s over, it’s back to reality and the marriage is still s****y.

Moored-to-the-Moon , Luwadlin Bosman/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

25points

Michael Largey 3 days ago

In a good marriage, you renew your vows practically every day without even thinking much about it.

32points

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#22

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People People who seem to think that they get points if they prove their partner is stupid or evil. Pro tip: never gossip about your spouse.

Traveling-Techie , AllGo - An App For Plus Size People/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

24points

Riley Quinn 3 days ago

I don't understand why people point out they're married to a stupid or evil person. It says nothing positive about their choices or self-esteem. You mention this stuff after the divorce.

4points

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"That said, most other issues can be worked through, but only if both people are willing to roll up their sleeves and do the work. A one-sided effort? That’s not sustainable," says Muir.

"Serious trouble doesn’t always mean the end, though," Saunders agrees. "If both partners are willing to work through challenges and prioritize growth, there’s potential for healing. The key is to recognize whether the issues are temporary or rooted in deeper incompatibility or harm."

#23

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People They got married for the kids.

TravelerMSY , Chayene Rafaela/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

24points

Michael Largey 3 days ago (edited)

If you get married only for the good of the kids, you probably should get divorced for the same reason.

7points

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#24

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Every person I ever knew that got their spouse's name tattooed on them ended up divorced.

ggrandmaleo , benjamin lehman/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

23points

Amelia Jade 3 days ago

I got my husband's name tattoed on me back when we were around 22. We both turned 50 this year and we're still going strong. We've been together 30 years, married for 28.

30points

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#25

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People My cousin married a guy who cheated on her several times while they were dating/engaged.

I set the over/under at 3 years and I took the under and I won. It lasted 2 years because she caught him twice but I know there were more but I chose not to inform her of the others that I caught him with. I just didn’t want to get involved and I felt that she knew who he was when she picked him.

Mean-Association4759 , Andre Tan/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

23points

Riley Quinn 3 days ago

Oh, she knew. She was so deep in denial that she gaslit herself.

7points

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If partners decide that the relationship is worth putting effort into and saving, Saunders recommends strengthening their connection by checking in with each other, practicing active listening, and prioritizing quality time. "It’s also important to acknowledge individual needs and set healthy boundaries. Seeking professional help, like couples counseling, can provide valuable tools for navigating challenges," she says.

#26

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People I knew my brother's marriage was done from the beginning. No one liked her, she'd been previously engaged and had a kid. He was very sweet, and bro cared for him immensely. She took advantage of that. We could tell just from their interactions in public that she treated him like a doormat, it was his first serious relationship. They even used her reservation for the venue she's made for the previous guy, so it all felt rushed.

Why we didn't like her, and I mean NO ONE, could fill a phone book. Mom kept it civil and tried to be friendly so that he wouldn't push away from us. But they moved an hour away, she convinced him he didn't need anyone but her, and his friends stopped hearing back from him at all. They'd turn up for holidays. When they had their kid I didn't think he'd get out, but finally he's had enough of her narcissism and grew a spine. Just under two years from wedding to divorce. He's a much happier guy now!

gerardkimblefarthing , Andrea Mininni/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

22points

Hodge Elmwood 3 days ago

I wish people in bad marriages would get a clue BEFORE they have a kid, who is going to be more hurt from the fallout than either spouse.

12points

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#27

My bff got married to someone I dated before her (we were in our early 20’s). I didn’t care they dated, we broke up amicably, but I begged her not to marry him because he was an alcoholic that was 10 years older than us, previously married, with two kids. I was a bridesmaid in their wedding because I love her, but I knew it wouldn’t last. Thank god it didn’t last.

wheres_the_revolt Report

21points

Dr Jimmy 03 3 days ago

I hope you're still that good a friend.

1point

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#28

When our kids were in school, there were parents who had everything!

They drove big SUVs, they and their kids always had the latest fashions. Their kids had smart phones (sp were new and crazy $$$)
and when their kids turned 16, they got a nice car. Maybe not brand new, but nice!

My husband and I would exchange looks as they made their grand entrance into whatever activity our kids were all involved in.

We knew where they worked and what kind of money their jobs paid. Our kids thought we were the meanest people ever. Because they wore cheap clothes, got a cheap little flip phone when they got their license, and had to share a car with mom!

When the kids started heading off to college, they were shocked when these classmates' parents got divorced. It didn't surprise us.

Once the living large through their kids ended and the "show" was over. Mom and dad were left with a giant pile of debt!

Spending more than you make doesn't impress people.

mollydgr Report

20points

Riley Quinn 3 days ago

Due to the medication I was prescribed for a misdiagnosed disorder, I would become manic resulting in a shopping spree limited to how much I could carry. But when it happened after my introduction to online shopping, I was out of control. Fortunately, I always crashed within a few days, and repairs were eventually made. Yet I can't understand people who live like this for years.

5points

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Muir also emphasizes the importance of communication. "Sounds obvious, but honest, respectful communication is the glue that holds everything together. Then, don’t underestimate the power of small gestures. A heartfelt “thank you,” a spontaneous hug, or even just making your partner’s coffee in the morning—it’s the little things that keep the spark alive," she explains.

Another big one is not being afraid to ask for help. "Therapists and relationship educators (like myself) can be game-changers. Sometimes, having an outside perspective is all it takes to get things back on track," she concludes.

#29

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People I know 3, the biggest clue they all had in common was rushing into a marriage after a couple months of meeting.

When asked why the rush, every single one of them applied the same logic:

"she is my soulmate!".

2 of those divorces are the same guy, apparently he found 2 soulmates.

Bean-P*nis:

Yeah my ex best mate. They were together half a year, told me he proposed and she said yes. I asked if he was having problems with his mental faculties.

Still invited me to the wedding 3 months later, as best man, I declined and told him he'll regret the marriage. He cut me off. Couple of months later I found out they split and he regretted it.

I didn't reply to that text.

So telltale sign would be rushing it.

hemibearcuda , Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

20points

Skogsrået 2 days ago (edited)

I belive in soulmates but not in the way most people think, many people think that a soulmate must be someone that you are romanticly involved with. I belive a soulmate is someone you have a very strong bond or connection to, someone that you connect with on many levels, feel safe with and can be yourself with. It can be a relationship between parent and child, between siblings family, friends and so on. Through time the meaning of a soulmate has changed into some cheesy romantic image that leaves many people dissapointed and bitter, soulmate does not mean what most people think it does.

18points

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#30

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Whisper arguing in public.

SageFrancisSFR , Getty Images/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

19points

StarCrossedFriday 3 days ago

I sometimes have loud staged arguments with my better half, to avoid street salespeople - does that count? It’s actually both fun and very effective; we just end up yelling things like ‘I’ve had it with you always taking out the trash in a timely fashion!’, and ‘for God’s sake, why do you have to be so attractive and considerate to me all the time!?’ and walk off giggling like idiots.

30points

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#31

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Last wedding I went to:

• He's a recovering d**g addict, she's a devout christian who wants to fix him.

• The vows were all about how the sole purpose of marriage is procreation.

• The speeches from his friends... didn't mention her.

Kapitano72 , Jordan Arnold/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

19points

Michael Largey 3 days ago

If the sole purpose of your marriage is procreation, it should last about nine months.

17points

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#32

The whole wedding party was making bets on how long it would last.

When you hear the term starter marriage at the wedding.

godzillabobber Report

19points

Riley Quinn 3 days ago

The bulk of the weddings I attended was between 1975-1995, and the majority of them were because they were expecting a baby. It's not worth the effort, but part of me is curious how they all turned out.

2points

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#33

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People About a year after my friend got married, he told me that he was in therapy to work on their issues. He was in therapy. Just him.

They made it about 5 years longer than I thought they would, but yeah, they're divorced now.

Reasonable-Coconut15 , Kelly Sikkema/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

19points

Riley Quinn 3 days ago

Always try couples therapy before making the final decision, but if only one is going to therapy, that's a big clue what the decision will be.

9points

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#34

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People He's on his third marriage; she's on her second. He cheated on his first with the second, the second with a mistress/fiancee; cheated on fiancee with wife #3 and now they fixing to divorce after less than 3 years.

He's not happy unless he's got a good looking woman on his arm, and can brag about how much she howls during s*x; she's not happy unless she isolates him and makes his life miserable.

Oh BTW these are people
in their late 60s/early 70s.

FallsOffCliffs12 , Natalia Blauth/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

18points

Janelle Collard Premium 3 days ago

Dang!

5points

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#35

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Marrying too young. 60% of marriages that happen between ages 18-24 end in divorce because this is the time of brain development. You are one person at age 18, and have changed and grown by the time you are 24. Your likes and what you will put up with are different.

Affectionate-Draw840 , Kateryna Hliznitsova/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

18points

Amelia Jade 3 days ago

This is stupid. It implies you won't change past 24. You're always changing. Met my husband at 19. We married at 21. We're now 50. Yes, we were different people at 24 than we were at 19, but we're also different now than we were in our 30s.

21points

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#36

The groom got so drunk, we had to put him to bed at 7PM!! He literally didn't make it to the first dance.

Royal-Reporter6664 Report

18points

Michael Largey 3 days ago

Bad marriage or alcoholism? Neither is a good sign.

5points

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#37

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People My sister kept talking up her favorite male co-workers to the point of annoyance. It was obvious she was in the market for another man and, sure enough, she dumped her husband. I liked him better than the new guy.

p38-lightning , Nini FromParis/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

16points

Riley Quinn 3 days ago

Fairly close friend was always crying about how her husband was cheating on her, but she never bothered to tell me she had been cheating on him since before the marriage.

2points

#38

Every female friend I had whose boyfriend/fiance cheated on them prior to the wedding ended up in divorce--all due to ending up in abusive relationships.

islandDiamond Report

15points

Angela C 3 days ago

When they show you who you are believe them

11points

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#39

On the other hand, nothing signals a poor relationship like, "We never argue." Those people have no interest in each other and no investment in the relationship.

Grouchy-Display-457 Report

15points

Nichole Harris 2 days ago

Nah.... We don't argue because we agree. If we don't agree we have a respectful debate... Why argue and get angry at each other

16points

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#40

Eye rolling, making fun of one another in front of other people, distain and disrespect.

jagger129 Report

14points

Hodge Elmwood 3 days ago

*Disdain

4points

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#41

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Well a big telltale sign for my cousin’s failed marriage was that right before my speech at the reception, another bridesmaid told me that the entire wedding party had an orgy the night before. 🫨 That was fun giving a speech after that information.

I don’t even think the marriage lasted 3 months.

HereYemofo , Mesut çiçen/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

14points

Adam Farni 3 days ago

The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives

3points

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#42

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People The way my neighbor treated me. Assuming the worst. Assuming it's always about her. Acting unhinged. I thought "If she is treating me like this imagine how she is treating her husband." I am now the proud owner of new normal neighbors.

equality4everyonenow , Ave Calvar/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

14points

Riley Quinn 3 days ago

Some people wave red flags that are so huge there's just no missing them.

3points

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#43

I had a friend who met a guy at a pub crawl. They “dated” for about a month and decided to get married. Three weeks later the extended group of friends/partiers/bar regulars/etc were all invited to their wedding. It was held at a bar on a Saturday afternoon. I lost touch with her, but found out later the marriage lasted 6 months. Once they both quit partying, they realized they had nothing in common.

Goodlife1988 Report

14points

Barbara Deskins 2 days ago

My second husband was a bartender and so was I at a bar across the street. Mostly, we just drank together. Marriage lasted from just before Christmas till Valentine's Day

2points

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#44

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People My husband's friend had a sort of bet with that girl that they will get married. They barely knew each other and had nothing in common. He was 26, she was 19 and all his friends were shocked and asked him to think better. Her brother was the groom's friend. Well... used to be. He was mad because of this wedding, came there just for a couple of minutes and left.
They lasted 2 months. In my opinion it was the most idiotic wedding I've ever attended.

Ituzem , Alvin Mahmudov/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

14points

Riley Quinn 3 days ago (edited)

The money spent on these major fiascos could've paid for a few semesters at a university, a down payment for a starter home for self or as income, or a splurge vacation to soak up some culture. The Yankee frugality in me is much stronger than any notion of romanticism.

4points

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#45

Lack of mutual respect and at least one of them not putting in the effort.

TR3BPilot Report

13points

Schmebulock 2 days ago

Been said about a half dozen times here already

1point

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#46

I'm only 42, but my sister and her ex husband. She has poorly managed bipolar that she weaponises. (Apparently it was her ex husband's fault that she chased other men while married to him.) I always thought he could do better, but it got way worse after she started messing with her medications because they wanted a baby.

scarlettslegacy Report

13points

Tommy DePaul 2 days ago

Any untreated mental illness.

0points

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#47

I knew a couple who, on their wedding day joked that they got married, "To get the first one over."

No one expected it to last. It did not last.

Imightbeafanofthis Report

12points

Michael Largey 3 days ago

People who joke aren't always joking.

3points

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#48

My wife an I have noticed three things over years, probably in this order:

1. separate bank accounts
2. Somebody being gay, but not open about it
3. a child from before the marriage.

insubordin8nchurlish Report

11points

whiterabbit 3 days ago

Nope. I'll never fully combine finances with somebody else or marry without a prenup. My BF and I have a very healthy relationship, he makes about 60% more than me. We are both smart with our financial decisions, we know everything about eachother's finances and discuss large purchases with eachother because we respect eachother's advice. But at the end of the day anything he earns, purchases, saves, or inherits is 100% his, and vise versa. We just think it's irresponsible to not make sure you'll always be financially independent and not screwed over.

14points

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#49

When they start going to family and social events alone.

txgirl4ever61 Report

11points

Debby Keir 2 days ago

Not always a red flag - sometimes people work shifts and weekends, and sometimes they can't stand their in laws.

11points

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#50

Unfortunately my daughter’s second marriage. Well, her first as well. Neither guy was suitable for her for reasons we won’t go into but we supported her. Her dad and I between us gave her first marriage (they already had three children) a couple years. He didn’t even stick around that long. Her second husband changed after about three years, and after two more years he was gone. He refused to participate in any family activities, still liked to hang out with the boys and resented paying anything towards family expenses. So…she’s learned a lot. Hard lessons.

Jumpy-Peak-9986 Report

8points

Disgruntled Panda 3 days ago

What's the common denominator here though...

5points

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#51

When one settled for the other and then gets resentful.

8points

#52

They got in a huge fight on their wedding night. It was in private after the reception but when my buddy was telling me about it a month or two after, I knew they wouldn’t last. They divorced after about 18 months.

Highwaybill42 Report

7points

#53

When my MOH told me just before walking down the aisle at my wedding that it should be her ... wasn't sure if she meant with my husband or just her getting married. Whatever. She mentioned several times over the next couple of years that she had to be married before turning 30. Meets my husband's business partner and voila their wedding day was her 30th bday. By this time we weren't really speaking so former business partner wasn't allowed to either. We were, however, invited to the wedding (sat at a table with her chiropractor and kept getting hit by the kitchen door). We gave it a year.

Four months later the phone rings and it's former business partner asking to speak with my husband. As I passed the phone to my husband, I said "well that didn't take long". Sure enough, she'd kicked him out. At least she was married at 30.

Elegant-Drummer1038 Report

7points

Hodge Elmwood 3 days ago

And divorced by 31! Gotta love a high achiever.

1point

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#54

The entire wedding party getting so sh**faced that there are people vomiting at the reception, bridesmaids crying on the bathroom floor, total insanity. The two weddings I’ve been to like this both ended in cheating and divorce.

NuclearFamilyReactor Report

6points

Mike F 3 days ago

This sounds like a great time, if you're sober and watching! 😂

1point

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#55

They don't seem to know each other or even like each other.

Desperate-Focus1496 Report

6points

Mike F 3 days ago

Years ago that would indicate a bun in the oven.

3points

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#56

When I meet couples who don't share anything I assume their days together are limited. This includes those who keep their income in separate accounts and don't spend for a shared future, it is my money - my decision what to spend it on kind of arrangement. The usually spills over into the rest of their lives where they don't see each other as partners with different skills.

That doesn't mean they can't have their separate lives and interests, it just means the main decisions need to be made on behalf of the family, not on individual goals.

TigerPoppy Report

6points

Lenore Jean Jones 3 days ago

I remember a few years into my marriage, I realized that we didn't do anything together. We made changes to make that happen, and it made all the difference. It was a solid marriage until cancer took him, years later.

6points

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#57

I was the best man at my best friend's wedding 30+ years ago. A few weeks before the wedding, he calls and asks if he can put money his fiancé didn’t know about in an account under my name. Told me he’d give me money to pay the taxes on it. This was early 1990 and he wanted to hide about $40,000. I told him I was wasn’t comfortable doing that and he was cool with it. I knew at that point the marriage wouldn’t last. It took 28 years, but they ended up divorced. Marriage really ended about 10 years before that when they both stopped being intimate with each other, but they waited until their kids were all out of the house before calling it quits.

hjablowme919 Report

6points

FoxEcoLimaIndiaCharlieIndiAlfa 2 days ago

I'm hoping the husband had either found someone else to safely hold on to the $40k or that it was spent over the years on family/expenses. $40k in 1990 would be equivalent to roughly just under $100k today, I just hope it was used wisely.

0points

#58

They don't seem like they like each other.

JarbaloJardine Report

6points

#59

When they are competitive with each other.

5points

Michael Largey 3 days ago

Whether it's ok to be competitive depends on how you react to losing - or winning.

1point

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#60

If they go to a party together and talk to everyone except each other the whole time.

zeptimius Report

4points

Lenore Jean Jones 3 days ago

I don't know. That used to be considered polite, since you could talk to your partner any time. I guess if you mean cold-shouldering your partner it would make sense.

3points

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#61

It was a buddy from high school ... a very good friend of mine. He went off to college and met some girl. I went to another school, so I never met her, but I heard she was great.

The first time I met her was at the rehearsal dinner.

I know weddings are stressful, so I tried not to judge....but she was so ... exhausting to be around and he seemed so....defeated. I dunno. I after we left, I told my girlfriend (who is now my wife) that I thought they would end up divorced.

Their marriage played out exactly like their wedding. She demanded things until he eventually said 'okay' and did whatever she wanted. Until one day, from what I hear, he started messing around with a coworker.

He cheated and was the bad guy, but from what I've heard I was kind of shocked he didn't leave (or cheat) years earlier. That's not to say he wasn't at fault, but yeah, they were not good for each other.

I have one other set of friends that I think some get divorced. I thought they would have already split up, but it's been like 10 years. I hope I'm wrong about them.

Ok-Introduction-244 Report

4points

Mike F 3 days ago

Divorce first, screw around later. It doesn't matter what the excuse is.

4points

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#62

Telltale signs?

No s*x. as in ONE of the couple pleading for more s*x, and the other thinking everything is FINE.

One publicly berating the other all the time

No common things they DO TOGETHER any more

One that travels a lot of business, and gets lonely.

spud6000 Report

4points

Michael Largey 3 days ago

Or one that does no traveling on business - but still gets lonely.

3points

#63

Many couples I’ve known buy a giant house and obsess over every detail…. And a couple of years later , get a divorce. Kind of the modern version of having a baby to save the marriage.

panaceaLiquidGrace Report

4points

#64

Apparently, everyone knew my first marriage was doomed from the beginning, but didn't tell me until after the divorce. After the divorce, my dad told me he wanted to warn me but knew I wouldn't listen to him. He was 100% right, 20 year old me was stupid and stubborn.

In retrospect, I should have known better when my Nana told me she didn't really like my ex-wife. Nana was a barber her whole life and had a good read on people, if she didn't like someone, there was a good reason for it.

Noodles1312 Report

3points

UncleJohn3000 2 days ago

This trips everyone up, including me. "Are there any words that you can speak, now, that you would have listened to when you were 20?" It's always a defeated "no."

2points

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#65

My brother and his ex-wife. I couldn't tell when they got married - I was in undergrad still and they put on a good show. But by the time their first child arrived just over a year later, the shine had come off - she was the type who had that center of attention energy, and he ticked all of her boxes.

But ... by their baby's first birthday I specifically remember thinking that they don't communicate in a healthy way. She was acutely aware of how others were doing and measured everything through material wealth, and while he did also it was clear that he didn't like her very much.

I remember walking around a cute New England town center chatting just after his 10th anniversary asking why he was still married ... and he didn't have a good answer (I'd been married a few years by then so their core communication and caring issues were GLARING to me) - and they tried to add another child in hopes it would solve things. The child arrived but it didn't save the marriage (she recently married and somehow stayed sane through the breakup.).

3points

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#66

Almost everyone I know that’s been divorced. There’s not a natural friendship and caring noticeable.

New-Development-3779 Report

2points

#67

1. Haven’t dated for more than a year prior to engagement.
2. Been previously married.
3. Have children from previous relationships.

I (61m) can think of a couple that have one of the above and the relationship has lasted. I can’t think of any with 2 or more.

EldoMasterBlaster Report

1point

Mike F 3 days ago

This guy is a trip.

0points

#68

I had the rare privilege of having my skin crawl and every red flag imaginable pop out of my skull the very first time I met a partner of a friend of mine - one of the most manipulative, self-absorbed people I've ever met in my life (and I've been involved in politics and the civil service).

Naturally, they married in a rush while he was doped up on romantic love, and it eventually collapsed as absolutely everybody predicted it would.

That's one extreme end of the spectrum, but beyond that, you really can't say. What looks like a volatile relationship from the outside might actually work because both parties are honest and choose to have the argument rather than overlooking the problem. Some people are just happy to go along with whatever the other party wants. There are things which make relationships more likely to fail, such as lack of respect or responsibility or lack of effort around child-rearing, but even the presence of those doesn't mean to say they will. I've been wrong more often than not now.

1point

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#69

Used to hang out with a couple, and the husband would frequently start a sentence with: "after my divorce..." His wife would laugh nervously. They had two small kids, she didn't work, just wanted to live the spoiled, entitled country club life. Of course he wouldn't leave, would he? Yeah. He dropped her whiny, needy a*s like a bad habit. Everyone saw it coming but her. I mean, how much more obvious could he have been?

ydoyouask Report

-5points

Dragon mama 3 days ago

If they had two small children she most certainly DID work. And her "whining" may have been legitimate concerns. Of course, there's no way to know for sure, but the post is so saturated with mysogyny it makes me sick.

7points

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Austeja Zokaite

Hi, glad you swung by! My name is Austėja, and I’m a writer at Bored Panda. With a degree in English philology, I’m interested in all aspects of language. Being fresh out of university, my mission is to master the art of writing and add my unique touch to every personal story and uplifting article we publish. In my time here, I’ve covered some fun topics such as scrungy cats and pareidolia, as well as more serious ones about mental health and relationship hiccups. When I’m not on my laptop, you’ll probably find me devouring pastries, especially croissants, paired with a soothing cup of tea. Sunsets, the sea, and swimming are some of my favorite things.

Hi, glad you swung by! My name is Austėja, and I’m a writer at Bored Panda. With a degree in English philology, I’m interested in all aspects of language. Being fresh out of university, my mission is to master the art of writing and add my unique touch to every personal story and uplifting article we publish. In my time here, I’ve covered some fun topics such as scrungy cats and pareidolia, as well as more serious ones about mental health and relationship hiccups. When I’m not on my laptop, you’ll probably find me devouring pastries, especially croissants, paired with a soothing cup of tea. Sunsets, the sea, and swimming are some of my favorite things.

Ilona Baliūnaitė

I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

What do you think ?

Verena 3 days ago

Thats nice, "Experienced Older Adults" instead of "boomers"

8points

Pheebs 2 days ago

I’d guess quite a few of the “experienced older adults” making comments are actually 40s-50s in age, which are not boomers. I get the feeling many of these were gen x and older millenials.

1point

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Mike F 3 days ago

These started out OK but it devolved quickly.

3points

sdorph 3 days ago

One thing I've noticed is when long term de-facto couples suddenly decide to get married it often ends in divorce, too many times the relationship is already in trouble and they think getting married will fix it.

1point

Jeolas1 2 days ago

Completely different observations where I live / among my acqaintances. My parents (and they're just one example) decided to get married after being together over 20 years - for financial reasons (if one of them died, the legal side of inheritance would be much simpler, and a few more things like that). Still married 20 years later. There are several other examples among the people closest to me, although my parents are the most "extreme".

2points

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Susie Elle 2 days ago

When they feel the need to supply each social media post with a long rant of how dedicated they are to their spouse and how lucky, blessed etc they are for having them. The more philosophical it gets, the less I believe you actually like eachother.

0points

Verena 3 days ago

Thats nice, "Experienced Older Adults" instead of "boomers"

8points

Pheebs 2 days ago

I’d guess quite a few of the “experienced older adults” making comments are actually 40s-50s in age, which are not boomers. I get the feeling many of these were gen x and older millenials.

1point

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Mike F 3 days ago

These started out OK but it devolved quickly.

3points

sdorph 3 days ago

One thing I've noticed is when long term de-facto couples suddenly decide to get married it often ends in divorce, too many times the relationship is already in trouble and they think getting married will fix it.

1point

Jeolas1 2 days ago

Completely different observations where I live / among my acqaintances. My parents (and they're just one example) decided to get married after being together over 20 years - for financial reasons (if one of them died, the legal side of inheritance would be much simpler, and a few more things like that). Still married 20 years later. There are several other examples among the people closest to me, although my parents are the most "extreme".

2points

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Susie Elle 2 days ago

When they feel the need to supply each social media post with a long rant of how dedicated they are to their spouse and how lucky, blessed etc they are for having them. The more philosophical it gets, the less I believe you actually like eachother.

0points

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