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Those who have been in a relationship know that love isn’t simple or easy. In the beginning, it might seem like you found your perfect match, but when the butterflies settle and reality kicks in, differences and disagreements arise that may make you wonder if you’re right for each other. Then, the couple's survival depends on whether they’re able to work through such challenges or become so consumed by them that the only thing left is to part ways. 

Sometimes the outcome becomes more obvious to others who can’t help but observe the relationship from the outside. Like to these older redditors, who recently shared the telltale signs that marriage isn’t going to last. Scroll down to find their most popular answers, and don’t shy away from sharing some of your own in the comments below!

While you're at it, don't forget to check out a conversation with the person who started this discussion in the first place, licensed therapist and founder of Moving Beyond You, Samantha Saunders, and celebrant, mental health advocate, and relationship expert Julie Muir, who kindly agreed to share their expert insights on the matter.

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People When the groom toasted the bride at the reception and said he initially didn't like her because she "never shut up," but she was "learning to put a sock in it now," then turned and "jokingly" pretended to backhand her. To the guests' credit, nobody laughed; instead there was awkward silence.

They divorced eight weeks later.

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#2

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People My son and daughter in law started taking separate vacations. The divorce was about 2 years later.


For the record, I kept the daughter in law, she's a sweetheart.

Any_Assumption_2023 , Diane Picchiottino/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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#3

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Several people from my social circle are in our forties and fifties. The bigger the wedding, the messier the divorce.

DamnGoodMarmalade , Allef Vinicius/Unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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The redditor who sparked this discussion online is a single Brazilian guy who turned 30 this year. His relationship status often allows him to observe misalignments or even straight-up disrespect in other couples.

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But since he didn't want to prematurely judge other people's relationships, he chose to ask more about it and directed his question to older people. "They must have seen their share of marriages working and not working and would know better than myself," he said, explaining his motivation for starting such a discussion.
#4

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Smashing cake into each other's face at the wedding.

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#5

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Different views on money. If one is a saver and the other is a spender, the marriage is doomed.

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#6

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People My wife and I would invite other couples to go canoeing with us. We had a 100% accuracy in predicting marital success based on the level of cooperation and recrimination during the outing.

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"It was interesting to see a lot of what they mentioned were things I've already caught glimpses of, such as treating each other with contempt and making bad comments about their spouses. Excessive professing of their love on social media also had already come to mind," he shared.

"And of course, with the advantage of their experience, they shared stuff that I don't yet have the time to have witnessed, like bigger weddings resulting in messier divorces and vow renewals as a sign things are ending near. But regardless, the bottom line is that a lot of what was said were things that are easy to spot when you're not from the perspective of someone inside the relationship," he additionally noted.
#7

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People As soon as someone starts talking trash about someone behind their back, I figure that the expiration date on that relationship, no matter the nature of it, has expired. It's like an announcement.

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#8

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Sister and ex-brother in law. They fought all the time before they married, got in a fight AT their wedding reception and shut it down, then lasted a few years before he cheated and they divorced. If your dating years are tumultuous, it will NOT get any better.

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#9

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People They make rude comments about each other in front of guests, which is very awkward to be around. They'll speak nastily (is that a work?) about the other partner all the time to friends/ family/ coworkers. They'll have emotional affairs on their partner & claim "Oh, he/she/they are just a friend."

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When asked if he believes that relationships should always be worth putting in more effort, he wasn't sure about it.

"I honestly wouldn't have an answer for that. What I can say is that it seems like being blind to red flags and trying to make it work even when feeling miserable seems not to be exclusive to any generation. Love being blind is, I guess, a universal and timeless chunk of the human experience," he concluded.

#10

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Yes. My brother married an only child that is very close to her parents. Her parents were at their house all the time. He didn’t just marry the girl, he married the girl and her parents. As a couple, and later with kids, they never had the chance to form and grow as their own family unit because the controlling grandparents were always involved. The marriage lasted 25 years and failed as soon as the kids were grown. I knew it would fail about two years after they got married. The marriage was too crowded.

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#11

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Yes, I went to their wedding, and I was sure he was gay.

Yep...

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#12

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People I know this guy who always talked down to his wife. It was really uncomfortable to be around them because he treated her like she was a child. She only stayed with him about a year.

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Whereas, licensed therapist and founder of Moving Beyond You, Samantha Saunders, and celebrant, mental health advocate, and relationship expert, Julie Muir, believe that not all relationships are worth saving.

"While effort is essential in healthy relationships, there are situations where it’s better to walk away—especially when the relationship becomes toxic, abusive, or consistently drains your mental health," Saunders says.

#13

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People My daughter and her ex. He's part of the Mormon cult, and she converted. She's uber liberal, I mean Harris was too conservative for her. Plus she a strong LGBTQ ally. I was surprised they lasted 7 years.

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#14

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People A lack of respect between the parties. I usually see this in the way they treat each other in conversation. Especially corrosive are digs at each other, sarcastic or straightforward, in front of others. A lack of affection and smiles.

Of course if one person expresses either fear of a spouse or of an affair, that means rocky shores straight ahead.

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#15

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People When the couple start treating each other with contempt, sooner or later, the marriage is done.

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"If there’s any kind of abuse—physical, emotional, or psychological—that’s a clear “time to go.” No question," agrees Muir.

"Repeated betrayal is another dealbreaker. If trust has been shattered and there’s no genuine effort to rebuild it, you’re trying to build a house on quicksand."

Contempt and disrespect are also some of the biggest signs that a relationship isn't going to last, she says. "Eye-rolling, sarcasm, belittling, or outright dismissive behavior—those are all signs the relationship’s foundation is crumbling. It’s like poison for any partnership and can be incredibly tough to recover from."

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Lack of emotional intimacy is another huge one. "If a couple stops sharing their feelings, skips the “How was your day?” conversations, or loses interest in each other’s lives, it’s a red flag. Emotional disconnection is like a slow leak in a tire—it might not seem urgent at first, but it’ll leave you stranded if ignored."
#16

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People The ones who constantly post on social media about how wonderful each other are, ‘love you to the moon and back’’ No, I love you more,’ etc. is always a red flag to me. Every single couple we know who posted like this suddenly split up. It was like 'everything's perfect' one day, and one of them has moved out the next day.

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#17

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Right after the wedding she moved in and he would not give her the password for the thermostat.

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#18

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People The guy is in the military, the wife raises their son mostly alone! The man continues to re-enlist, even though he promises her he won’t. Poor woman left her hometown, friends, family, to live down South so they could be a family. Guy is still not home much, woman is now unhappy, lonelier than ever! Then finds out man is looking at Only fans, dating apps, and cheating on her. Thankfully she has moved back here, and filed for divorce , she and her son are back with family and friends! This is a friend of one of my kids.

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#19

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Lack of trust is the biggest red flag of all. Next runner up is bitterness.

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Additional relationship warning signs that Saunders mentions include a lack of communication, repeated contempt or criticism, and a breakdown of trust. "When both partners feel disconnected or like they’re no longer a team, it’s often a red flag. A persistent lack of effort to resolve conflicts or an unwillingness to meet each other’s emotional needs can also signal deeper problems," she says.

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#20

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People When one person takes up some sort of endurance athletic sport I start to get worried. I know multiple couples where one partner took up long distance running or biking or triathlons and divorce followed not terribly long after. I'm guessing that the endurance athletics is a way of escaping things at home rather than the cause of marital strife (although meeting fun new people who are excited about the same cool new thing you're excited about probably doesn't help any). But if I see this in a couple I know and am relatively close to I'll come right out and ask them how their marriage is doing. It can be an awkward question. But I'd rather ask and let them know I'm happy to help out with the kids, encourage them to seek counseling, etc. than not help them try to save their relationship.

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#21

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Telltale sign that marriage is kaput: when the couple have an elaborate, showy vow renewal ceremony and celebration.

They distract themselves by planning the event. After the last guest leaves and the party’s over, it’s back to reality and the marriage is still s****y.

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#22

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People People who seem to think that they get points if they prove their partner is stupid or evil. Pro tip: never gossip about your spouse.

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"That said, most other issues can be worked through, but only if both people are willing to roll up their sleeves and do the work. A one-sided effort? That’s not sustainable," says Muir.

"Serious trouble doesn’t always mean the end, though," Saunders agrees. "If both partners are willing to work through challenges and prioritize growth, there’s potential for healing. The key is to recognize whether the issues are temporary or rooted in deeper incompatibility or harm."
#23

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Every person I ever knew that got their spouse's name tattooed on them ended up divorced.

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#24

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People They got married for the kids.

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#25

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People My cousin married a guy who cheated on her several times while they were dating/engaged.

I set the over/under at 3 years and I took the under and I won. It lasted 2 years because she caught him twice but I know there were more but I chose not to inform her of the others that I caught him with. I just didn’t want to get involved and I felt that she knew who he was when she picked him.

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If partners decide that the relationship is worth putting effort into and saving, Saunders recommends strengthening their connection by checking in with each other, practicing active listening, and prioritizing quality time. "It’s also important to acknowledge individual needs and set healthy boundaries. Seeking professional help, like couples counseling, can provide valuable tools for navigating challenges," she says.
#26

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People I knew my brother's marriage was done from the beginning. No one liked her, she'd been previously engaged and had a kid. He was very sweet, and bro cared for him immensely. She took advantage of that. We could tell just from their interactions in public that she treated him like a doormat, it was his first serious relationship. They even used her reservation for the venue she's made for the previous guy, so it all felt rushed.

Why we didn't like her, and I mean NO ONE, could fill a phone book. Mom kept it civil and tried to be friendly so that he wouldn't push away from us. But they moved an hour away, she convinced him he didn't need anyone but her, and his friends stopped hearing back from him at all. They'd turn up for holidays. When they had their kid I didn't think he'd get out, but finally he's had enough of her narcissism and grew a spine. Just under two years from wedding to divorce. He's a much happier guy now!

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#27

My bff got married to someone I dated before her (we were in our early 20’s). I didn’t care they dated, we broke up amicably, but I begged her not to marry him because he was an alcoholic that was 10 years older than us, previously married, with two kids. I was a bridesmaid in their wedding because I love her, but I knew it wouldn’t last. Thank god it didn’t last.

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#28

When our kids were in school, there were parents who had everything!

They drove big SUVs, they and their kids always had the latest fashions. Their kids had smart phones (sp were new and crazy $$$)
and when their kids turned 16, they got a nice car. Maybe not brand new, but nice!

My husband and I would exchange looks as they made their grand entrance into whatever activity our kids were all involved in.

We knew where they worked and what kind of money their jobs paid. Our kids thought we were the meanest people ever. Because they wore cheap clothes, got a cheap little flip phone when they got their license, and had to share a car with mom!

When the kids started heading off to college, they were shocked when these classmates' parents got divorced. It didn't surprise us.

Once the living large through their kids ended and the "show" was over. Mom and dad were left with a giant pile of debt!

Spending more than you make doesn't impress people.

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Muir also emphasizes the importance of communication. "Sounds obvious, but honest, respectful communication is the glue that holds everything together. Then, don’t underestimate the power of small gestures. A heartfelt “thank you,” a spontaneous hug, or even just making your partner’s coffee in the morning—it’s the little things that keep the spark alive," she explains.

Another big one is not being afraid to ask for help. "Therapists and relationship educators (like myself) can be game-changers. Sometimes, having an outside perspective is all it takes to get things back on track," she concludes.
#29

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Whisper arguing in public.

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#30

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People I know 3, the biggest clue they all had in common was rushing into a marriage after a couple months of meeting.

When asked why the rush, every single one of them applied the same logic:

"she is my soulmate!".

2 of those divorces are the same guy, apparently he found 2 soulmates.

Bean-P*nis:

Yeah my ex best mate. They were together half a year, told me he proposed and she said yes. I asked if he was having problems with his mental faculties.

Still invited me to the wedding 3 months later, as best man, I declined and told him he'll regret the marriage. He cut me off. Couple of months later I found out they split and he regretted it.

I didn't reply to that text.

So telltale sign would be rushing it.

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#31

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Last wedding I went to:

• He's a recovering d**g addict, she's a devout christian who wants to fix him.

• The vows were all about how the sole purpose of marriage is procreation.

• The speeches from his friends... didn't mention her.

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#32

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People About a year after my friend got married, he told me that he was in therapy to work on their issues. He was in therapy. Just him.


They made it about 5 years longer than I thought they would, but yeah, they're divorced now.

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#33

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People He's on his third marriage; she's on her second. He cheated on his first with the second, the second with a mistress/fiancee; cheated on fiancee with wife #3 and now they fixing to divorce after less than 3 years.

He's not happy unless he's got a good looking woman on his arm, and can brag about how much she howls during s*x; she's not happy unless she isolates him and makes his life miserable.

Oh BTW these are people
in their late 60s/early 70s.

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#34

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Marrying too young. 60% of marriages that happen between ages 18-24 end in divorce because this is the time of brain development. You are one person at age 18, and have changed and grown by the time you are 24. Your likes and what you will put up with are different.

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#35

The whole wedding party was making bets on how long it would last.

When you hear the term starter marriage at the wedding.

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#36

The groom got so drunk, we had to put him to bed at 7PM!! He literally didn't make it to the first dance.

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#37

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People My sister kept talking up her favorite male co-workers to the point of annoyance. It was obvious she was in the market for another man and, sure enough, she dumped her husband. I liked him better than the new guy.

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#38

On the other hand, nothing signals a poor relationship like, "We never argue." Those people have no interest in each other and no investment in the relationship.

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#39

Eye rolling, making fun of one another in front of other people, distain and disrespect.

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#40

Every female friend I had whose boyfriend/fiance cheated on them prior to the wedding ended up in divorce--all due to ending up in abusive relationships.

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#41

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People Well a big telltale sign for my cousin’s failed marriage was that right before my speech at the reception, another bridesmaid told me that the entire wedding party had an orgy the night before. 🫨 That was fun giving a speech after that information.

I don’t even think the marriage lasted 3 months.

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#42

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People The way my neighbor treated me. Assuming the worst. Assuming it's always about her. Acting unhinged. I thought "If she is treating me like this imagine how she is treating her husband." I am now the proud owner of new normal neighbors.

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#43

I had a friend who met a guy at a pub crawl. They “dated” for about a month and decided to get married. Three weeks later the extended group of friends/partiers/bar regulars/etc were all invited to their wedding. It was held at a bar on a Saturday afternoon. I lost touch with her, but found out later the marriage lasted 6 months. Once they both quit partying, they realized they had nothing in common.

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#44

50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People My husband's friend had a sort of bet with that girl that they will get married. They barely knew each other and had nothing in common. He was 26, she was 19 and all his friends were shocked and asked him to think better. Her brother was the groom's friend. Well... used to be. He was mad because of this wedding, came there just for a couple of minutes and left.
They lasted 2 months. In my opinion it was the most idiotic wedding I've ever attended.

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#45

Lack of mutual respect and at least one of them not putting in the effort.

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#46

I'm only 42, but my sister and her ex husband. She has poorly managed bipolar that she weaponises. (Apparently it was her ex husband's fault that she chased other men while married to him.) I always thought he could do better, but it got way worse after she started messing with her medications because they wanted a baby.

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#47

I knew a couple who, on their wedding day joked that they got married, "To get the first one over."

No one expected it to last. It did not last.

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#48

My wife an I have noticed three things over years, probably in this order:

1. separate bank accounts
2. Somebody being gay, but not open about it
3. a child from before the marriage.

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#49

When they start going to family and social events alone.

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#50

Unfortunately my daughter’s second marriage. Well, her first as well. Neither guy was suitable for her for reasons we won’t go into but we supported her. Her dad and I between us gave her first marriage (they already had three children) a couple years. He didn’t even stick around that long. Her second husband changed after about three years, and after two more years he was gone. He refused to participate in any family activities, still liked to hang out with the boys and resented paying anything towards family expenses. So…she’s learned a lot. Hard lessons.

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#51

When one settled for the other and then gets resentful.

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#52

They got in a huge fight on their wedding night. It was in private after the reception but when my buddy was telling me about it a month or two after, I knew they wouldn’t last. They divorced after about 18 months.

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#53

When my MOH told me just before walking down the aisle at my wedding that it should be her ... wasn't sure if she meant with my husband or just her getting married. Whatever. She mentioned several times over the next couple of years that she had to be married before turning 30. Meets my husband's business partner and voila their wedding day was her 30th bday. By this time we weren't really speaking so former business partner wasn't allowed to either. We were, however, invited to the wedding (sat at a table with her chiropractor and kept getting hit by the kitchen door). We gave it a year.

Four months later the phone rings and it's former business partner asking to speak with my husband. As I passed the phone to my husband, I said "well that didn't take long". Sure enough, she'd kicked him out. At least she was married at 30.

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#54

The entire wedding party getting so sh**faced that there are people vomiting at the reception, bridesmaids crying on the bathroom floor, total insanity. The two weddings I’ve been to like this both ended in cheating and divorce.

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#55

They don't seem to know each other or even like each other.

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#56

When I meet couples who don't share anything I assume their days together are limited. This includes those who keep their income in separate accounts and don't spend for a shared future, it is my money - my decision what to spend it on kind of arrangement. The usually spills over into the rest of their lives where they don't see each other as partners with different skills.

That doesn't mean they can't have their separate lives and interests, it just means the main decisions need to be made on behalf of the family, not on individual goals.

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#57

I was the best man at my best friend's wedding 30+ years ago. A few weeks before the wedding, he calls and asks if he can put money his fiancé didn’t know about in an account under my name. Told me he’d give me money to pay the taxes on it. This was early 1990 and he wanted to hide about $40,000. I told him I was wasn’t comfortable doing that and he was cool with it. I knew at that point the marriage wouldn’t last. It took 28 years, but they ended up divorced. Marriage really ended about 10 years before that when they both stopped being intimate with each other, but they waited until their kids were all out of the house before calling it quits.

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#58

They don't seem like they like each other.

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#59

When they are competitive with each other.

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#60

If they go to a party together and talk to everyone except each other the whole time.

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#61

It was a buddy from high school ... a very good friend of mine. He went off to college and met some girl. I went to another school, so I never met her, but I heard she was great.

The first time I met her was at the rehearsal dinner.

I know weddings are stressful, so I tried not to judge....but she was so ... exhausting to be around and he seemed so....defeated. I dunno. I after we left, I told my girlfriend (who is now my wife) that I thought they would end up divorced.

Their marriage played out exactly like their wedding. She demanded things until he eventually said 'okay' and did whatever she wanted. Until one day, from what I hear, he started messing around with a coworker.

He cheated and was the bad guy, but from what I've heard I was kind of shocked he didn't leave (or cheat) years earlier. That's not to say he wasn't at fault, but yeah, they were not good for each other.

I have one other set of friends that I think some get divorced. I thought they would have already split up, but it's been like 10 years. I hope I'm wrong about them.

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#62

Telltale signs?


No s*x. as in ONE of the couple pleading for more s*x, and the other thinking everything is FINE.

One publicly berating the other all the time

No common things they DO TOGETHER any more

One that travels a lot of business, and gets lonely.

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#63

Many couples I’ve known buy a giant house and obsess over every detail…. And a couple of years later , get a divorce. Kind of the modern version of having a baby to save the marriage.

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#64

Apparently, everyone knew my first marriage was doomed from the beginning, but didn't tell me until after the divorce. After the divorce, my dad told me he wanted to warn me but knew I wouldn't listen to him. He was 100% right, 20 year old me was stupid and stubborn.

In retrospect, I should have known better when my Nana told me she didn't really like my ex-wife. Nana was a barber her whole life and had a good read on people, if she didn't like someone, there was a good reason for it.

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#65

My brother and his ex-wife. I couldn't tell when they got married - I was in undergrad still and they put on a good show. But by the time their first child arrived just over a year later, the shine had come off - she was the type who had that center of attention energy, and he ticked all of her boxes.

But ... by their baby's first birthday I specifically remember thinking that they don't communicate in a healthy way. She was acutely aware of how others were doing and measured everything through material wealth, and while he did also it was clear that he didn't like her very much.

I remember walking around a cute New England town center chatting just after his 10th anniversary asking why he was still married ... and he didn't have a good answer (I'd been married a few years by then so their core communication and caring issues were GLARING to me) - and they tried to add another child in hopes it would solve things. The child arrived but it didn't save the marriage (she recently married and somehow stayed sane through the breakup.).

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#66

Almost everyone I know that’s been divorced. There’s not a natural friendship and caring noticeable.

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#67

1. Haven’t dated for more than a year prior to engagement.
2. Been previously married.
3. Have children from previous relationships.

I (61m) can think of a couple that have one of the above and the relationship has lasted. I can’t think of any with 2 or more.

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#68

I had the rare privilege of having my skin crawl and every red flag imaginable pop out of my skull the very first time I met a partner of a friend of mine - one of the most manipulative, self-absorbed people I've ever met in my life (and I've been involved in politics and the civil service).

Naturally, they married in a rush while he was doped up on romantic love, and it eventually collapsed as absolutely everybody predicted it would.

That's one extreme end of the spectrum, but beyond that, you really can't say. What looks like a volatile relationship from the outside might actually work because both parties are honest and choose to have the argument rather than overlooking the problem. Some people are just happy to go along with whatever the other party wants. There are things which make relationships more likely to fail, such as lack of respect or responsibility or lack of effort around child-rearing, but even the presence of those doesn't mean to say they will. I've been wrong more often than not now.

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#69

Used to hang out with a couple, and the husband would frequently start a sentence with: "after my divorce..." His wife would laugh nervously. They had two small kids, she didn't work, just wanted to live the spoiled, entitled country club life. Of course he wouldn't leave, would he? Yeah. He dropped her whiny, needy a*s like a bad habit. Everyone saw it coming but her. I mean, how much more obvious could he have been?

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