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50 Signs That Scream That A Marriage Is Destined To Fail, According To Older People
Interview With Expert
Those who have been in a relationship know that love isn’t simple or easy. In the beginning, it might seem like you found your perfect match, but when the butterflies settle and reality kicks in, differences and disagreements arise that may make you wonder if you’re right for each other. Then, the couple's survival depends on whether they’re able to work through such challenges or become so consumed by them that the only thing left is to part ways.
Sometimes the outcome becomes more obvious to others who can’t help but observe the relationship from the outside. Like to these older redditors, who recently shared the telltale signs that marriage isn’t going to last. Scroll down to find their most popular answers, and don’t shy away from sharing some of your own in the comments below!
While you're at it, don't forget to check out a conversation with the person who started this discussion in the first place, licensed therapist and founder of Moving Beyond You, Samantha Saunders, and celebrant, mental health advocate, and relationship expert Julie Muir, who kindly agreed to share their expert insights on the matter.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
When the groom toasted the bride at the reception and said he initially didn't like her because she "never shut up," but she was "learning to put a sock in it now," then turned and "jokingly" pretended to backhand her. To the guests' credit, nobody laughed; instead there was awkward silence.
They divorced eight weeks later.
#2
My son and daughter in law started taking separate vacations. The divorce was about 2 years later.
For the record, I kept the daughter in law, she's a sweetheart.
#3
Several people from my social circle are in our forties and fifties. The bigger the wedding, the messier the divorce.
The redditor who sparked this discussion online is a single Brazilian guy who turned 30 this year. His relationship status often allows him to observe misalignments or even straight-up disrespect in other couples.
But since he didn't want to prematurely judge other people's relationships, he chose to ask more about it and directed his question to older people. "They must have seen their share of marriages working and not working and would know better than myself," he said, explaining his motivation for starting such a discussion.
#5
Different views on money. If one is a saver and the other is a spender, the marriage is doomed.
#6
My wife and I would invite other couples to go canoeing with us. We had a 100% accuracy in predicting marital success based on the level of cooperation and recrimination during the outing.
"It was interesting to see a lot of what they mentioned were things I've already caught glimpses of, such as treating each other with contempt and making bad comments about their spouses. Excessive professing of their love on social media also had already come to mind," he shared.
"And of course, with the advantage of their experience, they shared stuff that I don't yet have the time to have witnessed, like bigger weddings resulting in messier divorces and vow renewals as a sign things are ending near. But regardless, the bottom line is that a lot of what was said were things that are easy to spot when you're not from the perspective of someone inside the relationship," he additionally noted.
#7
As soon as someone starts talking trash about someone behind their back, I figure that the expiration date on that relationship, no matter the nature of it, has expired. It's like an announcement.
#8
Sister and ex-brother in law. They fought all the time before they married, got in a fight AT their wedding reception and shut it down, then lasted a few years before he cheated and they divorced. If your dating years are tumultuous, it will NOT get any better.
#9
They make rude comments about each other in front of guests, which is very awkward to be around. They'll speak nastily (is that a work?) about the other partner all the time to friends/ family/ coworkers. They'll have emotional affairs on their partner & claim "Oh, he/she/they are just a friend."
When asked if he believes that relationships should always be worth putting in more effort, he wasn't sure about it.
"I honestly wouldn't have an answer for that. What I can say is that it seems like being blind to red flags and trying to make it work even when feeling miserable seems not to be exclusive to any generation. Love being blind is, I guess, a universal and timeless chunk of the human experience," he concluded.
#11
Yes. My brother married an only child that is very close to her parents. Her parents were at their house all the time. He didn’t just marry the girl, he married the girl and her parents. As a couple, and later with kids, they never had the chance to form and grow as their own family unit because the controlling grandparents were always involved. The marriage lasted 25 years and failed as soon as the kids were grown. I knew it would fail about two years after they got married. The marriage was too crowded.
#12
I know this guy who always talked down to his wife. It was really uncomfortable to be around them because he treated her like she was a child. She only stayed with him about a year.
Whereas, licensed therapist and founder of Moving Beyond You, Samantha Saunders, and celebrant, mental health advocate, and relationship expert, Julie Muir, believe that not all relationships are worth saving.
"While effort is essential in healthy relationships, there are situations where it’s better to walk away—especially when the relationship becomes toxic, abusive, or consistently drains your mental health," Saunders says.
#13
My daughter and her ex. He's part of the Mormon cult, and she converted. She's uber liberal, I mean Harris was too conservative for her. Plus she a strong LGBTQ ally. I was surprised they lasted 7 years.
#14
The ones who constantly post on social media about how wonderful each other are, ‘love you to the moon and back’’ No, I love you more,’ etc. is always a red flag to me. Every single couple we know who posted like this suddenly split up. It was like 'everything's perfect' one day, and one of them has moved out the next day.
#15
A lack of respect between the parties. I usually see this in the way they treat each other in conversation. Especially corrosive are digs at each other, sarcastic or straightforward, in front of others. A lack of affection and smiles.
Of course if one person expresses either fear of a spouse or of an affair, that means rocky shores straight ahead.
"If there’s any kind of abuse—physical, emotional, or psychological—that’s a clear “time to go.” No question," agrees Muir.
"Repeated betrayal is another dealbreaker. If trust has been shattered and there’s no genuine effort to rebuild it, you’re trying to build a house on quicksand."
Contempt and disrespect are also some of the biggest signs that a relationship isn't going to last, she says. "Eye-rolling, sarcasm, belittling, or outright dismissive behavior—those are all signs the relationship’s foundation is crumbling. It’s like poison for any partnership and can be incredibly tough to recover from."
Lack of emotional intimacy is another huge one. "If a couple stops sharing their feelings, skips the “How was your day?” conversations, or loses interest in each other’s lives, it’s a red flag. Emotional disconnection is like a slow leak in a tire—it might not seem urgent at first, but it’ll leave you stranded if ignored."
#16
When the couple start treating each other with contempt, sooner or later, the marriage is done.
#17
Right after the wedding she moved in and he would not give her the password for the thermostat.
#18
The guy is in the military, the wife raises their son mostly alone! The man continues to re-enlist, even though he promises her he won’t. Poor woman left her hometown, friends, family, to live down South so they could be a family. Guy is still not home much, woman is now unhappy, lonelier than ever! Then finds out man is looking at Only fans, dating apps, and cheating on her. Thankfully she has moved back here, and filed for divorce , she and her son are back with family and friends! This is a friend of one of my kids.
#19
Lack of trust is the biggest red flag of all. Next runner up is bitterness.
Additional relationship warning signs that Saunders mentions include a lack of communication, repeated contempt or criticism, and a breakdown of trust. "When both partners feel disconnected or like they’re no longer a team, it’s often a red flag. A persistent lack of effort to resolve conflicts or an unwillingness to meet each other’s emotional needs can also signal deeper problems," she says.
#20
When one person takes up some sort of endurance athletic sport I start to get worried. I know multiple couples where one partner took up long distance running or biking or triathlons and divorce followed not terribly long after. I'm guessing that the endurance athletics is a way of escaping things at home rather than the cause of marital strife (although meeting fun new people who are excited about the same cool new thing you're excited about probably doesn't help any). But if I see this in a couple I know and am relatively close to I'll come right out and ask them how their marriage is doing. It can be an awkward question. But I'd rather ask and let them know I'm happy to help out with the kids, encourage them to seek counseling, etc. than not help them try to save their relationship.
#21
Telltale sign that marriage is kaput: when the couple have an elaborate, showy vow renewal ceremony and celebration.
They distract themselves by planning the event. After the last guest leaves and the party’s over, it’s back to reality and the marriage is still s****y.
#22
People who seem to think that they get points if they prove their partner is stupid or evil. Pro tip: never gossip about your spouse.
"That said, most other issues can be worked through, but only if both people are willing to roll up their sleeves and do the work. A one-sided effort? That’s not sustainable," says Muir.
"Serious trouble doesn’t always mean the end, though," Saunders agrees. "If both partners are willing to work through challenges and prioritize growth, there’s potential for healing. The key is to recognize whether the issues are temporary or rooted in deeper incompatibility or harm."
#24
I knew my brother's marriage was done from the beginning. No one liked her, she'd been previously engaged and had a kid. He was very sweet, and bro cared for him immensely. She took advantage of that. We could tell just from their interactions in public that she treated him like a doormat, it was his first serious relationship. They even used her reservation for the venue she's made for the previous guy, so it all felt rushed.
Why we didn't like her, and I mean NO ONE, could fill a phone book. Mom kept it civil and tried to be friendly so that he wouldn't push away from us. But they moved an hour away, she convinced him he didn't need anyone but her, and his friends stopped hearing back from him at all. They'd turn up for holidays. When they had their kid I didn't think he'd get out, but finally he's had enough of her narcissism and grew a spine. Just under two years from wedding to divorce. He's a much happier guy now!
#25
Every person I ever knew that got their spouse's name tattooed on them ended up divorced.
If partners decide that the relationship is worth putting effort into and saving, Saunders recommends strengthening their connection by checking in with each other, practicing active listening, and prioritizing quality time. "It’s also important to acknowledge individual needs and set healthy boundaries. Seeking professional help, like couples counseling, can provide valuable tools for navigating challenges," she says.
#26
My cousin married a guy who cheated on her several times while they were dating/engaged.
I set the over/under at 3 years and I took the under and I won. It lasted 2 years because she caught him twice but I know there were more but I chose not to inform her of the others that I caught him with. I just didn’t want to get involved and I felt that she knew who he was when she picked him.
#27
My bff got married to someone I dated before her (we were in our early 20’s). I didn’t care they dated, we broke up amicably, but I begged her not to marry him because he was an alcoholic that was 10 years older than us, previously married, with two kids. I was a bridesmaid in their wedding because I love her, but I knew it wouldn’t last. Thank god it didn’t last.
#28
When our kids were in school, there were parents who had everything!
They drove big SUVs, they and their kids always had the latest fashions. Their kids had smart phones (sp were new and crazy $$$)
and when their kids turned 16, they got a nice car. Maybe not brand new, but nice!
My husband and I would exchange looks as they made their grand entrance into whatever activity our kids were all involved in.
We knew where they worked and what kind of money their jobs paid. Our kids thought we were the meanest people ever. Because they wore cheap clothes, got a cheap little flip phone when they got their license, and had to share a car with mom!
When the kids started heading off to college, they were shocked when these classmates' parents got divorced. It didn't surprise us.
Once the living large through their kids ended and the "show" was over. Mom and dad were left with a giant pile of debt!
Spending more than you make doesn't impress people.
Muir also emphasizes the importance of communication. "Sounds obvious, but honest, respectful communication is the glue that holds everything together. Then, don’t underestimate the power of small gestures. A heartfelt “thank you,” a spontaneous hug, or even just making your partner’s coffee in the morning—it’s the little things that keep the spark alive," she explains.
Another big one is not being afraid to ask for help. "Therapists and relationship educators (like myself) can be game-changers. Sometimes, having an outside perspective is all it takes to get things back on track," she concludes.
#29
I know 3, the biggest clue they all had in common was rushing into a marriage after a couple months of meeting.
When asked why the rush, every single one of them applied the same logic:
"she is my soulmate!".
2 of those divorces are the same guy, apparently he found 2 soulmates.
Bean-P*nis:
Yeah my ex best mate. They were together half a year, told me he proposed and she said yes. I asked if he was having problems with his mental faculties.
Still invited me to the wedding 3 months later, as best man, I declined and told him he'll regret the marriage. He cut me off. Couple of months later I found out they split and he regretted it.
I didn't reply to that text.
So telltale sign would be rushing it.
#30
The whole wedding party was making bets on how long it would last.
When you hear the term starter marriage at the wedding.
#31
He's on his third marriage; she's on her second. He cheated on his first with the second, the second with a mistress/fiancee; cheated on fiancee with wife #3 and now they fixing to divorce after less than 3 years.
He's not happy unless he's got a good looking woman on his arm, and can brag about how much she howls during s*x; she's not happy unless she isolates him and makes his life miserable.
Oh BTW these are people
in their late 60s/early 70s.
#33
Marrying too young. 60% of marriages that happen between ages 18-24 end in divorce because this is the time of brain development. You are one person at age 18, and have changed and grown by the time you are 24. Your likes and what you will put up with are different.
#34
Last wedding I went to:
• He's a recovering d**g addict, she's a devout christian who wants to fix him.
• The vows were all about how the sole purpose of marriage is procreation.
• The speeches from his friends... didn't mention her.
#35
About a year after my friend got married, he told me that he was in therapy to work on their issues. He was in therapy. Just him.
They made it about 5 years longer than I thought they would, but yeah, they're divorced now.
#36
The groom got so drunk, we had to put him to bed at 7PM!! He literally didn't make it to the first dance.
#37
My sister kept talking up her favorite male co-workers to the point of annoyance. It was obvious she was in the market for another man and, sure enough, she dumped her husband. I liked him better than the new guy.
#38
Every female friend I had whose boyfriend/fiance cheated on them prior to the wedding ended up in divorce--all due to ending up in abusive relationships.
#39
On the other hand, nothing signals a poor relationship like, "We never argue." Those people have no interest in each other and no investment in the relationship.
#40
Eye rolling, making fun of one another in front of other people, distain and disrespect.
#41
Well a big telltale sign for my cousin’s failed marriage was that right before my speech at the reception, another bridesmaid told me that the entire wedding party had an orgy the night before. 🫨 That was fun giving a speech after that information.
I don’t even think the marriage lasted 3 months.
#42
The way my neighbor treated me. Assuming the worst. Assuming it's always about her. Acting unhinged. I thought "If she is treating me like this imagine how she is treating her husband." I am now the proud owner of new normal neighbors.
#43
I had a friend who met a guy at a pub crawl. They “dated” for about a month and decided to get married. Three weeks later the extended group of friends/partiers/bar regulars/etc were all invited to their wedding. It was held at a bar on a Saturday afternoon. I lost touch with her, but found out later the marriage lasted 6 months. Once they both quit partying, they realized they had nothing in common.
#44
My husband's friend had a sort of bet with that girl that they will get married. They barely knew each other and had nothing in common. He was 26, she was 19 and all his friends were shocked and asked him to think better. Her brother was the groom's friend. Well... used to be. He was mad because of this wedding, came there just for a couple of minutes and left.
They lasted 2 months. In my opinion it was the most idiotic wedding I've ever attended.
#45
Lack of mutual respect and at least one of them not putting in the effort.
#46
I'm only 42, but my sister and her ex husband. She has poorly managed bipolar that she weaponises. (Apparently it was her ex husband's fault that she chased other men while married to him.) I always thought he could do better, but it got way worse after she started messing with her medications because they wanted a baby.
#47
I knew a couple who, on their wedding day joked that they got married, "To get the first one over."
No one expected it to last. It did not last.
#48
My wife an I have noticed three things over years, probably in this order:
1. separate bank accounts
2. Somebody being gay, but not open about it
3. a child from before the marriage.
#50
Unfortunately my daughter’s second marriage. Well, her first as well. Neither guy was suitable for her for reasons we won’t go into but we supported her. Her dad and I between us gave her first marriage (they already had three children) a couple years. He didn’t even stick around that long. Her second husband changed after about three years, and after two more years he was gone. He refused to participate in any family activities, still liked to hang out with the boys and resented paying anything towards family expenses. So…she’s learned a lot. Hard lessons.
What do you think ?
Pheebs 1 week ago
I’d guess quite a few of the “experienced older adults” making comments are actually 40s-50s in age, which are not boomers. I get the feeling many of these were gen x and older millenials.
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sdorph 1 week ago
One thing I've noticed is when long term de-facto couples suddenly decide to get married it often ends in divorce, too many times the relationship is already in trouble and they think getting married will fix it.
Jeolas1 1 week ago
Completely different observations where I live / among my acqaintances. My parents (and they're just one example) decided to get married after being together over 20 years - for financial reasons (if one of them died, the legal side of inheritance would be much simpler, and a few more things like that). Still married 20 years later. There are several other examples among the people closest to me, although my parents are the most "extreme".
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Pheebs 1 week ago
I’d guess quite a few of the “experienced older adults” making comments are actually 40s-50s in age, which are not boomers. I get the feeling many of these were gen x and older millenials.
Load More Replies... sdorph 1 week ago
One thing I've noticed is when long term de-facto couples suddenly decide to get married it often ends in divorce, too many times the relationship is already in trouble and they think getting married will fix it.
Jeolas1 1 week ago
Completely different observations where I live / among my acqaintances. My parents (and they're just one example) decided to get married after being together over 20 years - for financial reasons (if one of them died, the legal side of inheritance would be much simpler, and a few more things like that). Still married 20 years later. There are several other examples among the people closest to me, although my parents are the most "extreme".
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