Being of somewhat an abbreviated stature myself, I know all too well the jokes and the giggles such a caliber causes to people around me. No, I cannot reach the upper shelf, ha-ha, and yes, I can fit into a box, same as a cat, thank you. However, if the giants think their lame roasts for short people scorn me, they are absolutely wrong because, as would all the short people agree, being of such a size is, in fact, a blessing.
Just think about being able to stretch your legs on a flight, buy cheaper child-sized clothes, and be able to fit even in the smallest of spaces (which comes in handy more often than the tall ones would think)! It is also a great pretext for some quality jokes, as you will soon see in our list of the best short person jokes.
So, besides being able to inspect every person's nostril hygiene habits, being short, as everything in life, does also have its shortcomings. But, compared to the pains of being tall, they aren't as dreadful or as hindering to your existence. For instance, us being closer to the ground might mean that we are closer to the various kinds of soil-dwelling bacteria, but at the same time, it just proves that all short people are inherently down-to-earth. And this is not a phrase you could match with someone of grand stature! Actually, when you think about the drawbacks of being short a while longer, it starts to seem that they are actually big pros in navigating life, and just think about all the hilarious jokes about short people!
However, if you want to laugh, do so, for we tiny people take no offense to that. We know that you, homo grande, are, in fact, envious of our economic size, and these silly insults for short people prove that once again. Moreover, we also enjoy these silly jokes, so why not laugh together at them, even if it's a long-distance affair? So, scroll down below to check out our list of the funniest jokes for short people, and let's giggle reading them together! Sounds like a plan?
You’ve really gotta hand it to short people because they usually can’t reach it anyway.
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"God only lets things grow until they are perfect. Some of us didn’t take as long as others!" – Short People
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What is the History of Roasts?
Well, you know, it went probably like this – someone got bored with eating raw meat and decided to hold it for a while over a fire... Oh, wait, we’re not talking about those kinds of roasts, are we?
For the other kinds of roasts, the comedic ones, their history is documented much better, and you’ll be happy to know that the first official roast took place as early as 1949 at the New York Friars Club.
You’ll also be glad to know that the form of a good old comedic roast hasn’t changed much since, and same as it was back then, it is still about a specific individual taking jokes at their own expense for the amusement of a wider audience. The only change these roasts took over the years is that they’re no longer confined to clubs or venues but can be easily done on the Internet. Case in point: the legendary roasts by Wendy’s, we’re sure you remember.
That said, roasts of the yesteryear used to be much harsher than they are these days, and that’s a much-welcomed change! Just take a look at the roasts for short people on this list and see how innocent and kind they really are.
I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today. A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.” I said, “Well which one are you then?”
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I was shocked to read in the papers today that a short person had been pickpocketed. I just thought to myself “How could someone stoop so low?”
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When do Short People don’t Like Jokes?
Like tall people, short people usually don’t mind lighthearted, well-meaning jokes and might even make such a quip about themselves. However, there definitely are some instances when individuals might not like jokes about short people, such as:
The joke is disrespectful. If you’re about to make short person jokes, make sure they’re harmless and well-meaning. After all, a joke is to make people laugh rather than offend them.
When the jokes turn into insults for short people, funny roasts for short people always balance on a thin line of becoming insulting. Know the difference between a roast and an insult before you share one publicly.
Sensitive topics. If a person is clearly insecure because of their height, you might wish to abstain from trying to amuse them with jokes about short people altogether. Better safe and sorry!
A good rule of thumb about these roasts for short people would be this: would you find it funny if one of these jokes were addressed to you? If the answer is yes, you’re probably safe to share your ingenious quip!
How do short people greet others?
They microwave.
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Appreciate the little things.
Give a short person a hug.
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What are Some Good Short People Jokes and Insults?
Since we’ve already discussed what kind of short people jokes might not be really appropriate, it is probably time to figure out which short person jokes could actually be called good. Thankfully, our readers were kind enough to vote for the jokes they enjoyed the most, and here are the top five based on their opinions:
- You’ve really gotta hand it to short people because they usually can’t reach it anyway.
- "God only lets things grow until they are perfect. Some of us didn’t take as long as others!" – Short People
- I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today. A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.” I said, “Well which one are you then?”
- I was shocked to read in the papers today that a short person had been pickpocketed. I just thought to myself “How could someone stoop so low?”
- “Keep looking up.” – Motivational advice for most people. Necessary advice for short people.
And if you were looking for something a bit spicier, like jokes for short girlfriend or funny insults, our readers have also voted on the best ones, too:
- Appreciate the little things. Give a short person a hug.
- How do short people greet others? They microwave.
- The water in the shower evaporates before it reaches you.
- You're so short when it rains; you are the last one to know.
- I hope the next stage of your life comes with a ladder.
There you have it, the very best jokes and roasts for short people as voted by you. And if you’d like a bit more of this hilarity in your day, keep reading these short people jokes!
“Keep looking up.” – Motivational advice for most people. Necessary advice for short people.
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Tall vs. Short
Tall People: "I'm somewhere around 6 feet."
Short People: "I'm 5 feet and 5.756432841 inches."
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Just played miniature golf with a short person, but he just called it golf.
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The water in the shower evaporates before it reaches you.
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"Are you okay?"
"No."
"My height hasn’t changed since I was 12."
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Your so short when it rains; you are the last one to know.
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I hope the next stage of your life comes with a ladder.
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Sometimes when I look at short people I wonder. If they’re able to reach their goals.
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It's easy to make fun of short people... The jokes always go over their head.
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Be careful; the little guy might jump up and punch you in the knee.
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At least one advantage of being small is getting to be in front in all pictures every time.
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I asked a short person to lend me 5 dollars yesterday.
He said, “Sorry, I’m a little short.”
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Where is the worst place for a short person to stand at a concert?
Behind anyone at all.
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Why was the short lady scared of the iguana?
She thought it was Godzilla.
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It’s not that I am short, I simply have a built for speed and accuracy.
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Being the same height, shoe, and clothing size for the rest of your life since you were in 6th grade.
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I love short people. They’re more down to earth.
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You know you are short when your shoelaces hit you in the head.
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You're so short that Michaelangelo could make a life size sculpture of you with 1 can of play-dough.
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I’m not saying short people are inferior but I do look down on them.
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What is a short person’s favorite dessert?
Strawberry Short Cake.
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Let us go. I will give you a ride. Hop into my pocket.
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Short people are always sad because they can never reach happiness.
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You look like you still have a lot of growing up to do.
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You’ve got to hand it to short people…
Well they can’t reach for themselves, can they?
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You shouldn’t make fun of short people because it’s a little person too. I mean a little too personal.
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What did the nurse say to the short person in the hospital waiting room?
You are just going to have to be a little patient.
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You are so small you could sweep under your bed while standing.
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Short people are oppressed.
They’re always getting overlooked.
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Say what you like about short people, at least they don’t look down on people.
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Does anyone know the PC term for short people? Or do yall also struggle with gnomenclature?
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What are short people??? Short people are the future. They consume less food, use less car fuel & more of them fit on the Earth.
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My dad was short person but I still could never beat him in a running race.
No matter how fast I ran, he was always a little father ahead.
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You are so small you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.
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Why do short people love shoe stores? The mirrors are the perfect height.
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Why did the short guy buy the house with the water fountain?
Because he’s always wanted to own a swimming pool.
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Attack on Titan is actually slice of life for short people.
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I wonder how the weather is down there.
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Did you hear the story about the short person who was climbing down the prison wall?
It is a little con descending.
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You are so small, you can swing your legs when you sit on a stool.
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Why do short people have a hard time raising a family? Because they struggle to put food on the table.
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Why do the short people like the flying coach?
The extra legroom.
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What is a short person’s favorite side order?
A small fry.
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One day short people will rule the world. All 5ft of it of course.
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I was walking to dinner with my then boyfriend and I asked him if he liked the heels I was wearing. He said, "Yes now you're almost the size of a normal person."
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Short people problem: because you are too short, the Sun visor doesn’t even work while you’re driving.
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Fact: Short people always appear younger.
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You are so small you would need a lift to kiss your bride.
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Why was the short person stuck in the elevator? Because they could not reach the door open button.
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Why could the short guy not finish the fun-sized candy bar? It was too big!
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You know you are small when your kids can keep things out of your reach.
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My friend who’s really short had a party the other night and he only invited other really short people.
It was just a little get together.
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My girlfriend is very short and she gets fed up with me making fun of her height. So tonight I’m going to make it up to her. I’ve got a good bottle of wine and a DVD box set of her favorite TV show. When she gets in from work I’m going to order her favorite takeaway which we’ll sit and eat while we drink the wine and watch the DVDs. Then afterward I’m going to go upstairs and run her a nice hot sink.
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What do short people call an iPad?
A desktop computer.
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You know you’re short when you use an espresso cup as a regular coffee mug.
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What do you call a short person with a bad spray tan?
An Oompa Loompa.
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You’re so short you could be drowned by heavy rains.
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Why are short people so good at picking up girls?
They are amazing at small talk.
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I didn't see you behind that grain of rice.
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Tall people and short people should never date. Long-distance relationships never work out.
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Have you ever noticed that short people have more role models than anyone else? It is because they are looking up to everyone.
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You know you are small when you can do pull-ups on a door handle.
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You know you are small if you think the people on the wedding cake are the actual bride and groom.
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When they sneeze, their heads hit the ground.
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I met this really short baker called Peter the other day. He was telling me all about baking flatbreads. It was fascinating. I love the Pita patter of tiny Pete.
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I tried to go into a short people nightclub last night. The bouncer stopped me on the door and said I couldn’t go in. I asked, “Why not?” He said, “Because you’re not on the shortlist.”
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Do you know what always catches my eye? Short people with umbrellas.
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Never fight short people. They hit below the belt.
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How does a short person look you in the eye?
They get on a ladder.
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How does a short person take a bath?
They get into the sink!
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Kissing: either you have to tiptoe, or the other person has to kneel.
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Short people tend to get angry quickly because they are so close to the ground their anger does not dissipate quickly.
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You are so short I bet you do not have to bend to tie your shoelaces.
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How does it feel playing with taller teammates or opponents in sports? It comes with significant challenges and advantages as well.
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Why did the short guy fall asleep in his harness and helmet? Because he was tired from climbing into bed.
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They are so small, when they sit on the curb, their feet swing back and forth.
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Did you hear about the short person who escaped from jail?
He’s a small medium who’s at large.
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I bumped into an old short-height friend of mine yesterday.
Small world.
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The key to writing short people jokes is keeping them short.
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I’ve just seen a short person buying a packet of water balloons.
Someone’s getting lucky tonight.
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What kind of horse does a short person ride?
A miniature horse.
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“What do you want to be when you grow up?” – tall person to short person.
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How does a short person reach the top shelf?
They don’t.
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Why did the short person bring a parachute to the bar?
So they could get down from the barstool.
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What’s a short person’s favorite thing on the menu?
Short ribs.
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How do you win an argument with a short person?
You stoop to their level.
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Why did the short guy wear stilts?
So he could be as tall as everyone else.
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You know you’re short when people ask you which Minion character you played in the movie.
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My friend who’s really short had a party the other night and he only invited other really short people.
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How do short people go dress shopping?
They buy t-shirts.
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You are so short, I bet your parents left you at home most times when they went to the pool, because they’re scared you’ll drown in the kiddie pool.
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Short people like you can use Legos for steps and not break a sweat.
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You shouldn’t make fun of short people.
They belittle themselves.
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I read a headline that said “short people are less intelligent than taller people” That can’t be true. Einstein was 5’7″ and Stephen Hawkin was 3’5″.
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What do short people call something that’s too high up? Absolute zero, because it’s impossible to reach.
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Short people shouldn’t hate short jokes. We’re just complaining that we need more of them.
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What’s so offensive about short people jokes? I consider them the height of comedy.
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You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your dreams.
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"Do you know what a little get-together is?" – A short people party
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Height bullying is no joke. Seriously guys, we need to stop looking down on short people.
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Why did the short person get fired from his job at the restaurant?
The authorities found out he was being paid under the table.
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Did you hear about the hot headed short person?
He had a short temper.
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What is the definition of frustration?
A short person with a yoyo.
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I know a joke about a short person, it is short and funny.
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Why is a short person called a paragraph?
Because he is too short to be an ese.
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Short girl: "How do you see up there?"
Tall guy: "Who said that?"
I spit my drink out and then ran away.
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I would joke but it might not reach to your ears.
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You're so short that you should be making toys for Santa.
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You are so short that that have to slam dunk your bus money to get it in.
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You're so short that you make Webster look like a giant.
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What does a short pirate do with a toothpick?
They use it as a peg leg.
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Coming down the stairs must feel like skydiving for you.
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How do short people shoot a bow and arrow? With a rubber band and a toothpick.
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I was shocked to read in the papers today that a short person had been pickpocketed. I just thought to myself, how could someone stoop so low?
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Your so short, you can play handball on the curb.
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Look straight into my eyes. Hold in, let me get a step ladder.
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Have you heard about those self-driving cars? It turns out it was just a bunch of short people driving around.
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I raised the alarm at work today.
The short people were furious.
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What do you call a poor short person?
Short changed.
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I saw a really short guy walking to catch a bus today. When he saw it coming down the road he broke into a jog. It was getting closer and he still wasn’t at the bus stop so started sprinting but it drove off before he got there. It was too little too late.
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Two short people walk into a mini-bar.
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I saw a short-height nun today.
All I could think was, “Oh ye of little faith.”
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“Jump in and I’ll take you home,” I said to my really short neighbor who was sat at the bus stop. “Get lost!” he said. I said, “Ok, suit yourself,” as I straightened up my rucksack and carried on with my walk.
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What position does a short person play on a basketball team?
The ball.
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How do short people go shopping for pants?
They buy shorts.
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What 3 things does a short person need to take a bath?
Floaties, a snorkel, and a lifeguard.
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Why did the short guy lose the race?
He was a little slow.
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Diet soda is a regular soda for a short person.
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My local funeral service is offering a 2-for-1 deal on coffins. But only to short people.
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Must be tough needing a step stool to kiss your wife good bye each day.
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I can see you’ve chosen not to grow over the past few years.
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Behind every short woman is a house decoration that was being hidden.
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Short people are materialistic. Tall people are bigger than that. They can see past it.
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Stop making jokes on short people. It’s not funny if the person getting trolled can’t enjoy it. After all, most of the jokes go way over their heads.
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Why are short constantly thirsty?
They can't reach the drinking fountains.
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I met a short person once, my conversation with her was extremely awkward.
I am not very good when it comes to small talk.
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Where do short people like to go surfing?
On microwaves.
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Always, and I mean always listen to a short people opinion.
They always know what is up.
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I have a lot of respect for the short people in my community.
I feel it would be really wrong to look down on them.
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What talking robot movie do all short people love?
Short circuit.
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Why was the short person arrested?
Small arms offenses.
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Two tall guys walk into a bar. Why didn’t the short guy walk into the bar too? He walked under it.
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People tend to hug your head more than your body.
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Thinking you were average height until you started high school, and everyone other than you kept growing.
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I got told off today for making a joke about a short person.
It was over something small though.
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Why do short people always have food in their teeth? Because they cannot pick up a toothpick.
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