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Seinfeld was one of the most iconic sitcoms of all time and is endlessly quotable! The show’s dialogue is packed with timeless one-liners, insightful musings, and all the other yada yada yada. So today, we’ll explore some of the funniest Seinfeld quotes that will make you chuckle.

Seinfeld, created by Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David, aired for nine wildly successful seasons from 1989 to 1998. It was a story about a group of friends — Jerry Seinfeld, his best friend George Costanza, the eccentric Cosmo Kramer, and the no-nonsense Elaine Benes — who navigated the absurdities of everyday life in New York City.

What made the show unique was its ability to find humor in the mundane. It captured the essence of everyday situations and turned them into comedic gold. Jerry always had great observational humor, George had neurotic rants, and Elaine had her sassy comebacks. And Kramer — well, Kramer was unconventional!

These iconic quotes from Seinfeld include Jerry’s sarcastic remarks about dating, and George’s lack of social etiquette, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that”! 

Whether you’re a die-hard fan or new to the world of Seinfeld, you’ll surely enjoy these best quotes from Seinfeld. And if you don’t like it, well, then “No soup for you!”

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

George wearing white shirt George: “I have a sixth sense.”

Jerry: “Cheapness is not a sense.”

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#2

George wearing red and black shirt “I’m much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs.” - George

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#3

George wearing colorful shirt “Don't insult me, my friend. Remember who you're talking to. No one's a bigger idiot than me." - George

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#4

George wearing brown suit and blue shirt “When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy.” - George

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#5

George wearing brown suit and blue shirt "This woman hates me so much, I'm starting to like her." - George

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#6

Elaine wearing brown suit and yellow shirt "I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian." - Elaine

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#7

Newman wearing blue shirt “When you control the mail you control information.” - Newman

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#8

Elaine wearing black jacket and yellow shirt “It’s not fair people are seated first come, first served. It should be based on who's hungriest.” - Elaine

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#9

George wearing dark purple shirt “If she can’t find me, she can’t break up with me.” - George

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lanebass1990 avatar
LooseSeal's $10 Banana
LooseSeal's $10 Banana
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

George was truly a man ahead of his time. Can you imagine how well he'd function in today's society.

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#10

Cosmo Kramer wearing white shirt “I'm out there Jerry and I'm lovin' every minute of it.” - Cosmo Kramer

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#11

Newman wearing blue shirt “Tuesday has no feel! Monday has a feel. Friday has a feel. Sunday has a feel.” - Newman

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ValdaDeDieu
ValdaDeDieu
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tuesday has all the feels. It straddles Hump Day, enthusiastically....

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#12

Jerry wearing white shirt “What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses — like they’re trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?” — Jerry

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ValdaDeDieu
ValdaDeDieu
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good books are friends that only become better with age. Just like the first time you smell a certain scent, or hear a great piece of music - books become markers in your life for great memories. A good book can de-stress, uplift, ground, and even heal you.

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#13

Morty Seinfeld wearing red robe “Look, I got a few good years left. If I want a Chip Ahoy, I’m having it.” — Morty Seinfeld

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#14

Jerry wearing brown jacket “You're a nice guy, but I actually only have three friends. I can't really handle any more.” - Jerry

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Display_Name
Display_Name
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have 2 1/2. My SO, my best friend, and one whom I think falls under "keep your enemies closer".

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#15

Jerry wearing brown suit Jerry: “Is this about me?”

Elaine: “No.”

Jerry: “Then I’ve lost interest.”

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#16

Jerry wearing black sweater “If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.” - Jerry

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#17

George wearing colorful shirt “Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it.” - George

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#18

George wearing gray jacket and blue shirt “Yeah, I’m a great quitter. It’s one of the few things I do well. I come from a long line of quitters.” - George

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#19

George wearing gray brown suit Jerry: "You're on a desert island, you can bring five books. Which five do you take?"

George: "I gotta read five books?"

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#20

Cosmo Kramer wearing brown shirt “Boy, these pretzels are making me thirsty.” - Cosmo Kramer

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#21

Frank Costanza wearing brown sweater "At the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around and you tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year.” - Frank Costanza

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#22

Frank Costanza wearing white shirt “You don't need glasses, you're just weak! You're weak!" - Frank Costanza

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jacquelinewilliams avatar
Nice Beast Ludo
Nice Beast Ludo
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is my father's stance on my adhd diagnosis nearly word for word

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#23

Kramer wearing blue shirt “You know, I got a great idea for a cologne. ‘The Beach’. You spray it on and you smell like you just came home from the beach.” — Kramer

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#24

Jerry wearing brown jacket “Why do I always have the feeling that everybody’s doing something better than me on Saturday afternoons?” — Jerry

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#25

George wearing gray jacket “I love a good nap. Sometimes it’s the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.” - George

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#26

Elaine wearing black jacket and blue shirt “I can't do this anymore, it's too long! Just tell your stupid story about the stupid desert and just die already! Die!” - Elaine

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#27

J. Peterman wearing brown and blue clothes "My mind is as barren as the surface of the moon." - J. Peterman

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#28

Elaine wearing black suit “That’s the bra I gave her, she’s wearing it as a top! The woman is walking around in broad daylight with nothing but a bra on. She’s a menace to society.” — Elaine

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#29

Jerry blue sweater “I can’t be with someone like me. I hate myself!” - Jerry

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#30

Jerry wearing brown jacket Woman: "You don't know my name, do you?"

Jerry: "Yes I do."

Woman: "What is it?"

Jerry: "It rhymes with a female body part."

Woman: "What is it?"

Jerry: "Mulva."

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#31

Jerry wearing gray sweater and dark blue shirt “She's a sentence finisher. It's like dating Mad Libs.” - Jerry

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#32

Jerry wearing gray sweater and dark blue shirt “Hunger will make people do amazing things. I mean, the proof of that is cannibalism.” - Jerry

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#33

George wearing blue sweater “You know I always wanted to pretend that I was an architect.” - George

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#34

George wearing blue shirt “A George divided against itself cannot stand!” - George

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#35

George wearing gray jacket “I can't carry a pen. I'm afraid I'll puncture my scrotum.” - George

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#36

Elaine wearing black jacket “Is it possible that I’m not as attractive as I think I am?” - Elaine

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#37

Elaine wearing brown jacket and colorful scarf “Yada yada yada.” - Elaine

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cindycollins_1 avatar
Beachbum
Beachbum
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I thought one of George's girlfriends this? Elaine just knew the yada yada yada too

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#38

Kramer wearing brown suit and white shirt Kramer: "You wouldn't last a day in the army!"

Jerry: "Well how long did you last?"

Kramer: "Well, that's classified."

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#39

Frank Costanza wearing gray suit “Serenity now!” - Frank Costanza

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#40

Frank Costanza wearing black suit "I'm like a phoenix, rising from Arizona!" - Frank Costanza

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KatZen
KatZen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ha ha! I don't remember this one. Anyone know the episode? This is great.

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#41

George wearing red jacket and colorful shirt “I will never understand the bathrooms in this country. Why is it that the doors on the stalls do not come all the way down to the floor?” — George

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#42

Jerry wearing black jacket and gray shirt “She said I wasn’t sponge-worthy. Wouldn’t waste a sponge on me.” - Jerry

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#43

Jerry wearing black suit “Looking at cleavage is like looking into the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. You get a sense of it, then you look away.” - Jerry

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#44

George wearing purple sweater “I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham.” - George

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#45

George wearing colorful shirt “I’m disturbed, I’m depressed, I’m inadequate. I’ve got it all!” - George

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#46

Elaine wearing black suit and purple shirt “I can’t be with someone who doesn’t break up nicely. It’s an important part of the relationship.” - Elaine

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#47

Babu Bhatt wearing white shirt “I’m going to save up every rupee. Someday I will get back to America, and when I do, I will exact vengeance on this man. I cannot forget him. He haunts me. He is a very bad man. He is a very, very bad man.” — Babu Bhatt

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#48

Jerry wearing blue sweater “I’m on no sleep, no sleep!” - Jerry

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#49

Jerry wearing red shirt “What’s the deal with lampshades? I mean if it’s a lamp, why do you want shade?” - Jerry

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#50

Jerry brown suit and blue shirt “Hello, Newman.” - Jerry

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#51

Jerry wearing blue shirt "Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can't do it in one push. You gotta rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over." - Jerry

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#52

George wearing white shirt "You know it's funny, the tomato never took on as a hand fruit." - George

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#53

George wearing brown suit and colorful shirt “You're killing independent George!” - George

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#54

Elaine wearing red suit and white shirt “I’m speechless. I’m without speech.” - Elaine

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#55

Newman wearing colorful shirt "Hello, Jerry!" - Newman

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#56

David Puddy wearing brown sweater “You stole my Jesus fish, didn’t ya?” - David Puddy

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#57

David Puddy wearing shirt “I’m not the one going to hell.” - David Puddy

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#58

Elaine angry and wearing gray jacket “Can you die from an odor? I mean, like if you were locked in a vomitorium for two weeks, could you actually die from the odor?” — Elaine

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#59

Jerry wearing red shirt “There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.” - Jerry

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markberry1968 avatar
Sleestak
Sleestak
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, like what's with all these pictures of Jerry on the phone?

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#60

Jerry wearing blue shirt “But I don't want to be a pirate!” - Jerry

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#61

Jerry wearing blue shirt and drinking “If you want to make a person feel better after they sneeze, you shouldn't say 'God bless you.' You should say, 'You're so good looking!” - Jerry

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#62

George wearing colorful shirt “The sea was angry that day my friends.” - George

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Victoria
Victoria
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As angry as an old man trying to send back soup at a Deli.

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#63

George wearing brown red sweater George: (on Kramer): “He stole your girlfriend?”

Susan: “Yes. She's in love with him.”

George: “Amazing. I drive them to lesbianism, he brings 'em back.”

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#64

George wearing colorful shirt “I happen to dress based on mood.” - George

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#65

George wearing brown colorful sweater “People this stupid shouldn't be allowed to live.” - George

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Charlie Farley (Dr Bob)
Charlie Farley (Dr Bob)
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a bar manager, I think this several times a day. It makes for great entertainment though!

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#66

Elaine wearing brown jacket and yellow shirt J. Peterman: “Elaine, can you keep a secret?”

Elaine: “No sir, I can’t.”

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#67

Cosmo Kramer wearing brown jacket and gray hoodie Kramer: "You think that dentists are so different from me and you? They came to this country just like everybody else, in search of a dream."

Jerry: "He’s from Jersey!"

Kramer: "Yes and now he’s a full-fledged American."

Jerry: "Kramer, he's just a dentist."

Kramer: "Yeah, and you're an anti-dentite."

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#68

Cosmo Kramer wearing shirt with crabs “Giddy-up” - Cosmo Kramer

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#69

Cosmo Kramer wearing gray suit and purple shirt "Do you have any idea how much time I waste in this apartment?" - Cosmo Kramer

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#70

Cosmo Kramer wearing gray shirt "Yama hama, it's fright night!" - Cosmo Kramer

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#71

Newman wearing blue and red shirt “Damn you Seinfeld, you useless pustule!” - Newman

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#72

J. Peterman wearing brown and blue clothes Elaine: "Mr. Peterman, you can't leave."

J. Peterman: "I've already left, Elaine. I'm in Burma."

Elaine: "Burma?"

J. Peterman: "You most likely know it as Myanmar, but it will always be Burma to me."

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#73

Jerry wearing black sweater “Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.” - Jerry

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#74

Jerry wearing brown jacket and gray shirt “What could possess anyone to throw a party? I mean, to have a bunch of strangers treat your house like a hotel room.” - Jerry

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#75

Cosmo Kramer wearing white colorful shirt “Moles. Yes, freckles’ ugly cousin.” - Cosmo Kramer

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#76

David Puddy wearing black jacket and gray shirt “You got a question? You ask the 8-ball.” - David Puddy

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#77

George wearing black jacket and blue gray shirt “Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?” — George

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#78

Jerry wearing brown jacket and black shirt “Oh I gotta get on that internet, I'm late on everything!” - Jerry

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#79

Jerry wearing blue sweater “I’m a fancy boy.” - Jerry

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#80

Jerry wearing blue sweater “People don’t turn down money! It’s what separates us from the animals.” - Jerry

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#81

George wearing blue shirt “My dream is to become hopeless.” - George

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#82

George wearing gray hoodie and gray shirt “I feel like my old self again. Totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic. It’s a pleasure.” - George

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#83

George wearing shirt “Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. It just completely changes the relationship.” - George

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#84

Elaine wearing red jacket and black shirt “I just couldn’t decide if he was really sponge-worthy.” - Elaine

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ValdaDeDieu
ValdaDeDieu
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That show would not have been the same without Elaine. She really highlighted George's narcissism - George, who somehow, with time, has become the low-key scene-stealer. But every person on that show was dynamite - even the guest stars. My favorite two are Teri Hatcher: "They're real and they're spectacular" and Phil Morris as "Jackie Chiles."

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#85

Elaine wearing black jacket and yellow shirt “I once broke up with someone for not offering me pie.” - Elaine

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#86

Puddy wearing black shirt “Hey, how come people don’t have dip for dinner? Why is it only a snack, why can’t it be a meal, you know? I don’t understand stuff like that.” — Puddy

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#87

Jerry wearing blue shirt “Boutros Boutros-Ghali.” - Jerry

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#88

Jerry wearing black sweater "People on dates shouldn’t even be allowed out in public." - Jerry

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#89

Elaine wearing black jacket and brown shirt “I’ll go, if I don’t have to talk.” - Elaine

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#90

Elaine wearing black jacket and scarf “I don’t think George has ever thought he’s better than anybody.” - Elaine

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#91

Elaine wearing black jacket and purple shirt "We don't know how long this will last. They are a very festive people." - Elaine

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#92

Cosmo Kramer wearing gary suit and red shirt “What have you done to my little cable boy?” - Cosmo Kramer

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#93

Jerry wearing blue jacket and red shirt “You know, the very fact that you oppose this makes me think I’m on to something.” - Jerry

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#94

Elaine wearing white shirt and red suit “Fake! Fake! Fake! Fake!” - Elaine

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#95

Newman wearing blue red shirt "Vile Weed!" - Newman

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