Join the Fun!

According to Lenore, the founder of Let Grow, a nonprofit that promotes childhood independence and resilience, it is “not only hard for parents to figure out the exact right balance between too strict and too lenient, too prying and too hands-off—it's impossible.” So figuring out the right balance becomes a key issue.

“One thing many parents are choosing today is to keep their kids under constant surveillance, with the help of tech. Whether it’s being able to track their kids’ movements, read their browsing history, or even scan their texts, parents have all sorts of new tools to make them seemingly omniscient,” Lenore told Bored Panda that child surveillance has become a touchy issue in recent years with the advances in technology. However, this is a problem because kids need to have some privacy as well.

“For the same reason you didn’t want your parents to read your diary, or to build a treehouse on the branch right next to YOUR treehouse, children need some space to grow into their own person,” the child independence expert said. “Kids need to know they are loved, but they also need to know they are trusted. They can’t prove that if parents never actually let them do some things literally on their own, without constant surveillance.”

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences Saying "you're so mature for your age"

No

I was a smart anxious child who learned quickly to please adults to stay out of trouble and I also had to raise my siblings and sometimes cousins ...

Most girls I know who were told this also had to deal with some type of adultification

lucycolt90 , Annie Spratt Report

Final score:

158points

POST

Andy Acceber 3 years ago

Also, if you're a kid or teen reading this and ever have someone tell you "you're so mature for your age," run. That's a classic grooming technique. Adults know teenagers want to feel mature. Some may try to use that to prey on you. (Some may just be saying it. Still, that's not okay. You're a kid/teen. Be silly sometimes, be stupid sometimes. Don't worry too much about being mature.)

51points

MallowBrain13 , Andrea Piacquadio Report

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences Whenever I get a bad grade on something my parents always tell me that “I’m smarter than that” or “I’m not trying my best”. It doesn’t sound bad, but it has seriously messed me up, because I really am trying my best, but it just isn’t good enough. They think I’m smarter then I actually am, and it sucks because they have unrealistic expectations of me.

Final score:

146points

POST

Janet C 3 years ago

Misguided "motivation" for sure. My mother always tried this crap with me. If I made an A, "Why didn't you get an A+?" If I made a B, "Are you trying to fail." It took decades for me to get over the drive to perfectionism and accept that sometimes "good enough" really is good enough.

10points

What we shouldn’t be doing is treating our children as work-release felons by constantly tracking and monitoring them. “In the past, the only people we electronically tracked were felons on parole. They had to wear an ankle monitor that the warden could check to make sure they were where they were supposed to be. The felon knew that this was better than prison—but it wasn’t freedom,” Lenore explained.

Instead of surveilling their own kids all the time, parents could attempt Lenore’s approach of “talk, don’t stalk.” This approach leads to greater trust.

“Try to keep the lines of communication open with your kids, and gradually give them more freedom as they get older and earn it by being responsible. Taking all independence away for their ‘safety’ is a way to teach them that you don’t think they can handle anything on their own— how deflating!—and that you don’t trust them. Would you appreciate a spouse who tracked your every move? Would you feel trusted? Love requires some trust.”

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences “You have it so easy, I wish I only had your problems.” Teaches kids that their problem are never good enough to struggle over. Makes them feel guilty when they need help with something.

Dinosaur-Hugs , Lucas Metz Report

Final score:

140points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

Everyone is entitled to how they feel. Just because someone is worse off, doesn't mean we don't have a right to our own feelings and struggles.

63points

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences Along with snooping, being overly strict. The children of really strict parents learn how to lie, steal, sneak out, all because their parents are so damn strict. It doesn't teach a child anything, except that they cannot trust their parents to have their back. Yes, you need to to have rules and boundaries with your kids, but you're not the gestapo, they're allowed to hand secrets!

My father built special boxes for all his grandkids, they're beautiful, and have special locks. For example, one is shaped like a piano, and to open it, you need to play the keys in a certain order. He can change this order if needs be, (there are over 1,000,000 possible combinations) and only he and the child know the combination. They are also designed that the child will know if someone has tried to open the box. Their Mum, my SIL, HATES this. She cannot stand that the kids can hide things from her, and has been trying for years to get my Dad to tell her the combination. (Sometimes he will just to shut her up, then immediately changes it. I don't know why she bothers!)

Thing was, he had zero privacy growing up, and knows how much he hated it, so made sure his grandkids didn't go through the same thing. Wish he'd done it for me, my mother has no concept of other people's privacy, and has no trouble even now going through my papers if she can. The result? I'm FABULOUS at hiding things!

Kids need to know they're trusted. Constantly treating then like the enemy will do nothing but make them the enemy!

SassyDivaAunt , Monstera Report

Final score:

139points

POST

Madison Feehan 3 years ago

I'd buy one of those boxes!

65points

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences Not getting help for their own traumas. They pass it to their kids

Ocean_waves726 , Jordan Whitt Report

Final score:

138points

POST

Firstname Lastname 3 years ago

Can confirm. My mother looked for help in her trauma through me and tried to use me as her therapist when I was just a child.

50points

Meanwhile, blogger Samantha, who runs Walking Outside in Slippers, told Bored Panda how she approaches parenting and the importance of seeing each child as an individual. What works for someone else’s child might not be what your own kid needs.

“I am trying to do more to meet my kids where they’re at, figuring in their personality and what their needs are for them personally. In the past, I would sometimes assume that I knew what was best for my kids, based on what the ‘average’ kid ‘should’ need or want. But kids can be so different, even within the same family,” Samantha explained to Bored Panda.

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences Not seeing them as individuals and not listening to them. seriously, listen to that mini-person that you literally brought into the world. Of course, their problems will be different than yours & adult problems but that doesn't mean that it is manageable for them. You basically making them believe that they are insignificant which will haunt them for the rest of their lives.

progressiveavocado , Pixabay Report

Final score:

126points

POST

Kanuli 3 years ago

90% of parents seem not to get this. On top: they seem to have completely (!!!) forgotten how it was to be a child themselves!

36points

retsis-elttil , RODNAE Production Report

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences Tell them they can't play with a toy because it's for the opposite sex.

Final score:

125points

POST

Andy Acceber 3 years ago

Since the 90s, it's become much more acceptable for girls to play with dolls AND trucks, but even today, it's frowned on for boys to play with dolls. Misogyny is nuts. If you want caring, nuturing adult men to exist in society (and we all do), let little boys play with toys that foster caring and nuturing skills.

51points

BaylisAscaris , Devi Puspita Amartha Yahya Report

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences Force them (especially little girls) to hug or kiss people when they don't want to. This establishes lack of ownership in their own body, the inability to say no to unwanted touch, and teaches them it is their job to make others feel comfortable at the expense of their own comfort.

Also praising them for being smart instead of hardworking. This leads to kids coasting on their intelligence then peaking and failing because they don't have practice and habits of working hard at something challenging. I see this a lot with gifted kids who are completely lost once they go to college or get a job.

Having an overly close relationship, venting to them about your problems, and using them for emotional support. If you want to learn more, Google "emotional incest".

Final score:

124points

POST

Paul Davis 3 years ago

Also it seems that if you're harping on a kid's intelligence, they actually become afraid to do things because they feel if they fail it will mean they're stupid. The best is to promote a kid's hard work -- which means bonus points for trying things out.

14points

Samantha opened up just how different her children are despite growing up in the same household. “My 6-year-old daughter, for example, is very organized and a bit of a perfectionist. She also needs lots of attention and affection. While my 10-year-old son is a sometimes wild but also very sensitive and artistic soul. He needs his space. They are night and day,” she said.

“I have learned I need to adapt my expectations of them and goals for them based on their individual personalities and quirks. I can create space for them to be who they are, and I believe this acceptance and customized attention will benefit them in the long run as they develop into teens and then adults.”

#10

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences When they make fun of their kids to get a laugh out of friends / family at dinner and stuff. Really has a horrible effect on children. Thankfully never happened to me though.

FaynHimSelf , Priscilla Du Preez Report

Final score:

113points

POST

Ren Karlej 3 years ago

Happened to me. My father would make jokes about me to my sisters. I heard him talking about me to them as well. I was just a child and he is bitching about me to my older, also a child, sister. Taught her it is okay to be snide about people, so that's lovely as well.

33points

#11

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences Benign neglect. My therapist informed me this is not “benign”. I guess this is the opposite of the helicopter parent. While my mom made sure we were fed and healthy, she also didn’t do much to connect with me one on one. I forgive her because honestly she had a lot on her plate with six kids including one that was seriously ADHD, but it was still damaging.

Jrsygrrl , Zhivko Minkov Report

Final score:

111points

POST

Demi Zwaan 3 years ago

Having six kids is no excuse. She should've thought about that before the excessive breeding.

24points

#12

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences Tricking / pranking them. I've seen a few videos of Christmas or birthdays where parents have given their kid something like a PlayStation 5 box which doesn't have one in. It doesn't matter if they pull one out from behind the sofa after a few seconds of confusion, tears and anger, they've taught their kid a powerful lesson about their relationship. There's no way that's not going to come back to hurt everyone later on.

Crypt0Nihilist Report

Final score:

110points

POST

Hermione 3 years ago

These are sad sad videos.

57points

Lenore, the president of Let Grow, previously explained to Bored Panda that our “catastrophizing culture” has made a lot of parents anxious and scared.

As a result, plenty of adults don’t want their kids doing much of, well, anything. They become overprotective and even overbearing because they’re scared for their children’s safety.

“The result is not safety, it’s anxiety—kids who absorbed the message that everything is too much for them to handle. When you’re anxious, a simple slip-up doesn’t seem so simple. It seems huge—even life-threatening. How can you avoid those awful threats? That part is simple. You avoid doing anything,” Lenore explained how some parents think.

#13

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences If parents are divorced, unless the other parent is a legit horrible person, talking really bad stuff about the other parent in front of the other child

SalFunction12 , Nik Shuliahin Report

Final score:

109points

POST

Rei 3 years ago

I would say even if the other person is horrible you still shouldn't talk bad about him/her in front of your children. Its an adult topic. If the child talks bad about him/her be there listening and expressing to them you understand their negative feelings.

30points

#14

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences "There is no such thing as mental illness, it's just weakness." I needed help as a teen and did not get. I felt so guilty seeking help as an adult. I have bipolar disorder, still sometimes feel guilty for being medicated though I am now in my forties.

Mdp1342 , Fernando @cferdo Report

Final score:

92points

POST

AnnaBanana 3 years ago

Same story. And I still get guilt tripped for it.

12points

#15

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences Destroy a sense of confidence through constant criticism.

The_Polar_Bear__ , Alex Green Report

Final score:

88points

POST

DennyS (denzoren) 3 years ago

Oh boy, do I know this one.

27points

Leo Domitrix 3 years ago

Too many of us do.

7points

PixxelDust 3 years ago

Same, my dude, same.

3points

moon 3 years ago

same...

1point

qwerty 3 years ago

Constant unconstructive criticism, that is. Constructive criticism is fine to an extent.

3points

Pezor Zass 3 years ago

Absolutely. My dad is incapable of experiencing anything without critiquing it and seems to think that his way of doing things is the only sensible way. after all, he thought about it, tried things out, found the best way, so why would anyone do anything differently? they're just being stubborn. he's in his 70s now and still has this attitude. I'd feel more sorry for him if he didn't make me feel like nothing i did was good enough my entire life.

2points

Viviane 3 years ago (edited)

Your father sounds like a bitter life-long broken record. Can you reduce contact with him and get validation elsewhere? My father went through a 1-year phase of criticizing my career choice. It hurt my feelings because he acted so angry. Eventually, I detached emotionally, then I started telling him what to do with his life. Taste of his own medicine cooled his jets. My boss, colleagues and clients have more say in my work.

1point

3 years ago

unrelated: The hair of the lady in this picture is sooooo pretty!

1point

Scarlett Fox 3 years ago

Sounds like my mom! 35 years and still going!

1point

HorrorEyeArcade 3 years ago

she's trying to be better, but kinda makes me think of my mom getting on my ass for getting an 82% in science

1point

Vibe Check 3 years ago

An 82 is a good score though??

1point

Verena Abt 2 years ago

I finally landed by dream job after many, many years of trying. My mother: Don't you think you're a bit clumsy for that?

0points

Nicola Dimigen 3 years ago

Is it bad that I identify with a lot of these?

0points

Flabuless-Jaye 3 years ago

If I was proud of some achievement I was told to "stop showing off" or "you're getting too big for your boots". Wonder why I have crippling lack of self confidence.

0points

Marnie 3 years ago

This is "seemingly harmless"? I appreciate that this is a horrible thing to do to your child, but sane people already know this, so this is just a rant and not educational. Not sure why so many people upvoted it.

0points

El muerto 3 years ago

or never dare to give the right criticism...then you'll never learn to take it

0points

Tina Hugh 3 years ago

Bitch mother did this too

0points

Nudge 3 years ago

Every day. EVERY. DAY.

0points

Hollysmom 3 years ago

According to my father, nothing I ever did was enough or warranted praise

0points

Lovin' Life 3 years ago

Relatable in so many ways

0points

According to Lenore, this leads to children being far more passive and timid than they should be. “Everyday life is seen as filled with risk” for them, even if they’re objectively completely safe.

Lenore was very straightforward about the fact that this passivity is not making children happier. When they’re kept snug deep inside their comfort zones, they start to think that this is all that life has to offer. What’s more, they have a limited understanding of their own capabilities, thinking that they can’t do much of anything.

However, authority figures like teachers can help kids become more independent and to help both them and their parents leave their comfort zones. Sometimes, it takes someone from the outside to give a helping hand at the right moment to make you realize something needs to change.

#16

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences I think alot of parents cause food/weight issues unintentionally. And that is something I have personally taken very seriously as a parent. Creating a healthy relationship with food.

wh_ro_ry Report

Final score:

86points

POST

Burs 3 years ago

Or grandparents. My grandmas always forced us to eat way too much (and I always liked eating) but at the same time always shamed me for being “fat”. I was in the middle of the healthy bmi unlike my underweight sister but that’s fat I guess.

29points

#17

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences Bulldoze parenting. Which in my opinion is worse than helicopter parenting. For those who don’t know; bulldozer parenting is when you essentially remove every obstacle your child faces out of fear of them getting hurt, discouraged, down on themselves, or failing at something.

As a parent of 4, it’s extremely hard to not do this because it breaks your heart watching them hurt. However, it makes them stronger and is way better.

ShextMe , Greta Hoffman Report

Final score:

84points

POST

Andy Acceber 3 years ago

I nannied a 12-year-old autistic boy who I adored. His mom was one of those. One day, he was on the playground and started to play improperly on a piece of the equipment. I could tell this wouldn't end well, but there were no other kids around. I let him do it. It broke my heart, but I knew it would be best for him. When he fell, I comforted him and help him clean up/bandage his scrapes. He learned from that experience, and it was so cool to watch his process of evaluating safety grow after that.

43points

GrimGrnningGorehound , Ksenia Makagonova Report

#18

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences Making fun of or heavily criticizing a child's accent, speech impediment, or othe linguistic trait. When I was a kid, my mom said my accent made me sound "unintelligent". So I suppressed it and now I have a permanent stutter, which she also mocked me for, which makes it worse. I hate speaking now, it feels embarrassing.

Final score:

79points

POST

Burs 3 years ago

Making fun of your children in general. My parents always mocked me or my sister if we did something they did not like. From crying to doing non academic activities like sports or drawing. I used to stay up late and draw or write at night ready to hide it if I heard them walking towards my room as if I was watching porn or something. I am 30y and I still can’t do those things in front of my partner

37points

#19

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences Comparing them to other kids, can really mess with your youngsters confidence.

Dozer2023 , ottonbro Report

Final score:

78points

POST

Foxxy (The Original) 3 years ago

I never understood this. I think it's absolutely ridiculous coz every child learns things at a different rate.

25points

#20

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences “Are you physically hurt? No? Then stop crying.” Guess what I never stop doing as a 30 year old?

Additionally, my parents made the decision to not medicate me when I was diagnosed with ADD in the late 90s. My mother (to this day) thinks I swayed the test results because I was/am a people pleaser and I thought I was doing what the adults wanted to happen. Both my parents thought having the medication on my permanent health record would make getting jobs and healthcare difficult for me in the future. So now I live as a diagnosed adult who isn’t on meds because that mindset is something I’m still unlearning. Stigmatized family topics are fun.

DjinnAndGingerale , Anthony Tran Report

Final score:

77points

POST

Kanuli 3 years ago

That’s what my parent thought too. Though not only was my personality totally different with medication, the results I scored were seldom scored as high (was a simple intellgence test for youngsters), and you can fake being worse, but being better? It was like night/day the doctor said. I still stopped taking medication for some time, and even after taking it again now I don’t plan on taking it forever. What’s way more important I believe, are 2 things: Realisation that it is an illness, but not an excuse for your behaviour, just an explanation. And secondly: Parenting plus mechanics you should be taught and learn over the years how to handle it. And this of course is highly individual. I had to learn this all by myself though, but I found ways to counter my adhd with willpower and clever tricks. But it exhausts me like crazy. So it only works so far.

15points

Substantial_Ad7387 Report

#21

Parents saying “i’m the parent” or “i’m doing my best” in response to your frustration. any argument i’m in with my mom, her reason why is because “she’s the parent”. it makes me feel invalidated as a kid.

if you’re a parent and you don’t have a good reason for something, or won’t reveal the real reason when your kid asks why, you should rethink your priorities. an “i said no because i’m the parent” response to a kid asking to color their hair doesn’t help anything. if you really don’t want them to, explain using real reasons.

seniority does not inherently mean respect. treat kids as small people with less experience, not as beings who are lesser-than.

Final score:

76points

POST

Viviane 3 years ago

The "less experience" aspect is key. I think of adolescence as a time when people have adult-sized emotions without the life experience to handle them.

12points

#22

Shipping them with their friends or teasing them about liking someone who is really just a friend

Needless to say this is stopping me from ever making a boy friend (not boyfriend BUT BOY FRIEND)

Also has made me stop being friends with some cool people (not parents but classmates who do the same)

CanisIupus Report

Final score:

74points

POST

Burs 3 years ago

Yeah. Mocking them for having real or hypothetical crushes is really damaging. I never could talk to my parents about boys or emotions. They met my now ex once (I was already 21!) and were mocking me for like a week. And they were surprised that I didn’t introduced them to my partner for about a year.

26points

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

See Also on Bored Panda

Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

#23

Discussing adult problems/fears with them or around them. It can instill unnecessary fears which leads to anxiety problems. Or embarrassing them in front of others

QuestionDarts Report

Final score:

68points

POST

Monday 3 years ago

Sometimes it's necessary, particularly about money. Yes it's going to give your kiddo anxiety, but it'll also help them understand the importance of taking care of what they have and knowing you're denying them [treat] not because you don't love them or they haven't done enough to deserve it, but because you honestly cannot afford it.

14points

JewelerSubject9134 , Womanizer Toys Report

#24

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences My mom always used to tell me how gross sex is and now I have intimacy issues.

Final score:

67points

POST

Andy Acceber 3 years ago

Same. Before renting movies as kids, my mom would have my brother and I check what it was rated and why. For example, PG-13 for sexual content. Mom defined "sexual content" as "huggy, kissy, gross stuff, ew." Every time. Verbatim. She also teased me when I started dating. It's weird, but it really got to me. It's taken YEARS to get over the idea that all "sexual content" isn't "huggy, kissy, gross stuff, ew." Sometimes I still find myself fighting against those internationalized messages. Don't do that to your kids. Be mature and honest with them about sex.

34points

#25

Snooping.

If you want your kid to get really good at hiding things from you and lying to you, this is how you do it. And as a bonus, they'll probably never trust you around their things in the future, if they keep in contact with you at all after they move out.

Piper_Loved_That Report

Final score:

66points

POST

OhForSmegSake 3 years ago

My mum was not a snoop, she considered that below her. Instead she employed a cleaner, told the cleaner that they could go through everything in our rooms, and then report anything suspicious or immoral to her. Snooping one step removed.

17points

GrimGrnningGorehound Report

#26

Don't tell kids that reading and school are more important than interpersonal relationships.

Also don't hit kids or teach them to associate fear and pain with love. It'll hurt their chances of having normal relationships in the future.

Final score:

59points

POST

Katie Lutesinger 3 years ago

If you hit or scream at your kids, the only thing you're teaching them is that they should be afraid of you.

29points

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

See Also on Bored Panda

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#27

Do not use food as a reward. Especially the same food over and over again.

Otherwise you're getting a kid who subconsciously connects the two, gets happiness from eating that food, and will overeat it to the point of obesity, especially if its junk food.

Example me, with fries.

NowWithMoreChocolate Report

Final score:

56points

POST

Lovin' Life 3 years ago

And dont use food as punishment. It's a basic need.

22points

#28

Micro managing your children Let them play let them be on their own.

Netprincess Report

Final score:

54points

POST

Marika Miettinen 3 years ago

Even as an adult this is annoying! I wanted to do this one big project, I had researched it and drew some designs and looked up how to do things, but then I went to ask my dad if it'd be ok if I did something like that (I rent a house from him) and said that if he wants to help me out, he can. Well, he took over the project and it's nothing at all what I wanted, and if you tell him that his idea is/was wrong, he gets so pissed off, it's insane. He can scrap a whole project in his anger when he's told that he's wrong, so now I just have to live with what he made for as long as I still live here.

11points

#29

30 People Share "Seemingly Harmless" Things Parents Do To Their Kids That Can Actually Have Serious Consequences Simply handing them money.

It quite the needle to thread to figure out how to get money into your kids’ hands without it becoming an expectation, an entitlement. We want to give our kids stuff. But we don’t want it to create problems.

Helping kids learn the value of money is important.

geo_mallory , Alexander Mils Report

Final score:

50points

POST

Slick 3 years ago

It was different with my parents. They will spend extensively to impress friends and family with dinner parties etc, buying unessentiel objects (for asthetic status upgrade i guess) for them self when they can afford it. But eventually, we lost a lot. So much so, we (the kids) had to skip meals to get by. Our basic needs were neglected. So when we needed stuff demanded by the school, like fees or payement for projects etc, we would 1st have to endure humiliation because we only know how to adk for money and we cannot make our own and that we should be ashame to will have spend grossery money on our own desire (education needs). And it's even worst if we really do need it for our own needs. I never own a bra until i bought myself one after earning my 1st salary working part time at age 15.

17points

#30

When they reprimand their kids about a certain habit or action that the parents themselves do (or do to the kids) - it gives the idea that yes, my parent knows that this is wrong and is telling me that it is wrong but they still do it so maybe I can do it as well. Seems like it's a way to develop cognitive dissonance in kids.

UnderTheFishHook Report

Final score:

46points

POST

Andrea Purzycki 3 years ago (edited)

I had a friend who had parents who smoked. His parents didn't hide the fact that they smoked but my friend had never seen them smoke because his parents thought that as long as their kids never saw them smoking then their kids wouldn't smoke/wouldn't want to smoke. It didn't work. My friend was one of the first kids in my grade to start smoking.

8points

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

Continue reading with Bored Panda Premium

Unlimited content

Ad-free browsing

Dark mode

See Also on Bored Panda

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

#31

Talking over them or encouraging the whole "good kids don't talk" bs. I'm nearly 40 and I still assume that I have to talk fast or that people will cut me off or tire of me. And when people do talk over me I kind of just shut down.

Kinda sucks since I teach for a living. Though tbh my students are more attentive to what I say than most any adult.

big_nothing_burger Report

Final score:

23points

POST

#32

Not letting them choose/pressuring them to have a certain appearance (clothing style, hair cuts, etc) just because the parent doesn’t like it

pipic4 Report

Final score:

21points

POST

Marika Miettinen 3 years ago

Yup! Mom hated it that I wanted to have black hair as a teen, and most of my clothes were black. She was sure that I'll turn into a Satan worshipper, just because of the black apparel. One time she even threw out my faux leather jacket because she hated it, but luckily my sister saw it and went to salvage it from the outdoor trash bin. My grandma also always makes comments about people's looks, and that's one of the reasons why I'm not interested in being in touch with her.

2points

#33

Downplaying their ‘trivial’ issues.

cleanredstreak Report

Final score:

20points

POST

#34

“Why can’t you be more like other sibling?”

hipicrit Report

Final score:

20points

POST

XSpooky_Mint 3 years ago

My parents always tell me I'm too much like my older brother and if I don't start doing better in school I'm gonna end up just like him They think we're both disappointments and they don't even have the guts to say it to his face anymore. But ya know, truth be told, we're both better than either of them ;)

5points

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

See Also on Bored Panda

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

#35

Not respecting boundaries just 'because they're our parents' if you don't respect privacy they won't learn to respect boundaries themselves

Miraculous_phena Report

Final score:

19points

POST

#36

Not to waste their food.

My family was poor so I was told not to waste food but was given huge portions from the time I was a toddler. I'd have to sit at the table until I could finish it all, even I it was hours. Now I have zero portion control and feel immense guilt if I throw something away. I do leftovers a lot when I go out to eat but if the restaurant is too far away for the food to stay good on the way home and I have to tell the wait stuff I don't want the remaining food, I feel guilt about it for days.

itsTheBigSad Report

Final score:

19points

POST

Monday 3 years ago

Kids shouldn't waste food, but personally I think the better lesson is to teach said kiddo to box up their leftovers and put it in the fridge so it can be eaten later. Can't finish your dinner? Cool, take this box, put in the food and pop it in the fridge so someone else can eat it later.

8points

#37

Teach them to not cry ever

dubidubat Report

Final score:

18points

POST

Lovin' Life 3 years ago

They need to feel their feelings. Else they will eventually shutdown or explode in negative ways.

2points

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

See Also on Bored Panda

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

#38

When your parents are tired of your rambling and ask you to stop talking. In their defense, they're exhausted from taking care of you and just need some peace and quiet for maybe 5 seconds and likely asked you to stop because they were overwhelmed in the moment. This was what happened for me, but in that moment I remember thinking that this means my dad doesn't actually care about all my stories, so that was when I stopped telling them. I also stopped telling them to pretty much everyone because I just assumed no one cared. Wasn't until my late teens/early twenties that I realised people did care and I came out of my shell a bit more.

I don't think my dad had any bad intentions. He was trying to help me with my homework, I remember. I was definitely a big talker as a kid and he used to work A LOT, would always come home exhausted (never took it out on us though) and just wanted to get the homework over and done with, but it still happened and impacted me pretty badly.

ThrowRARAw Report

Final score:

16points

POST

Lucas 3 years ago

Saw a mum in a coffee shop with her son. He wasn't talking overly much. He was asking a few very reasonable questions about the items the shop sold. He was polite, not demanding, not loud. We all queued for about 35 minutes for coffee - various covid restrictions slowing service and he had been silent for most of it. He only asked a total of 4 questions. Now obviously I don't know what he's like normally - maybe he'd badgered her with questions all morning and she'd reached her limit but that isn't what it looked liked. She went on to rant at him about wanting just a few minutes peace and could he just shut up - over and over. He went silent. No complaints, no whining, just looked sad. I'll reiterate that I don't know the dynamics and how they are normally but he seemed such a quiet child and didn't seem to be even slightly pestering. I know parenting isn't easy but it seemed very sad to me.

5points

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

See Also on Bored Panda

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

#39

One that I haven't seen posted here yet:

Overly complimenting a child on something that is a natural talent or on their intelligence.

It's been a minute so I don't have a link. But if I'm remembering correctly there have been studies that showed that children who were told how smart/talented they were on a regular basis grew up to be apathetic and lazy.

Compliment a child on their efforts regardless of skill or outcome. They grow up to be a lot more pro-active and productive.

InferiousX Report

Final score:

15points

POST

Burs 3 years ago

I think that overcomplementing in general is bad. My parents always remarked how smart I was (I think that I matured a bit faster than other kids and was quite smart, not anymore) and also praised hard work and success. But they did it in a way that ment that if you didn’t succeed you were a failure and should be ashamed. Me and some of my friends have many issues now when things don’t go well (like don’t get the job) because we feel completely useless failures.

3points

#40

Don't teach them emotion management.

NeutralChaoticCat Report

Final score:

11points

POST

Kristal 3 years ago

They have to have it first to teach it

3points

Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

Read less »

As a Visual Editor at Bored Panda, I indulge in the joy of curating delightful content, from adorable pet photos to hilarious memes, all while nurturing my wanderlust and continuously seeking new adventures and interests—sometimes thrilling, sometimes daunting, but always exciting!

Read less »

What do you think ?

POST

Madison Feehan 3 years ago

This article is so on point.

16points

Demi Zwaan 3 years ago

Conclusions: Many, MANY parents should never have gotten kids and every would-be parent should have to do a mandatory course on child care and raising them, with an added psych eval to see if you're fit to be a parent.

13points

Kristal 3 years ago

Omg yes. My mother only had me because the doctors told her she shouldn't/couldn't have children -_-

3points

Burs 3 years ago (edited)

It is sad how many of my friends have very messed up relations with their parents., specially fathers. Only one of my friends likes his father, many have missing fathers (that left or never showed up), most of us hate our fathers or have a very bad relation with them and many have also problems with their mothers. It might be a coincidence but it says a lot.

8points

Nudge 3 years ago

my friends all have problems with their mothers, some with both parents though, and some only because dad wasn't in the picture

2points

Katsuki Bakugou (Kacchan) 3 years ago (edited)

I identify with so many of these, and I've tried not to think about it, but I need to address some of these issues with the 3 possible people who will see this. You all are doing great! even if your parents are yelling at you, or you don't feel like you are enough, you are enough, ok? Even if you don't have a parent and get bullied for it, or you have a disability, or you have a speech impediment or are deaf or are mute, all that stuff, remember that you are you and no one else can change it except for you- I hope this doesn't sound mean- but remember, you are loved by me! (no homo)

5points

Marie 3 years ago (edited)

Calling your kids names like brat, stupid, drama queen, etc. I had to remind my sister that her 12 month old wasn't purposefully being difficult, she is a baby. And my sister needed to stop calling her daughter cruel names before she started to understand what her mom was saying because it's horrible.

4points

BoopBoop 3 years ago

Sounds like maybe your sister is struggling with post-partum depression. It doesn't always manifest as crying and laying around. Sometimes it just looks like excessive anxiety or difficulty bonding with your child. If you sister is really calling her baby names, that might be a bonding problem, and for her sake, and especially her child's, please encourage her to talk to her doctor. I would even draw her partner's attention to it.

0points

KMill 3 years ago

Parents who don’t believe in them. Whenever I would say, I want to be XYZ or ABC when I grow up, I’d get a lot of “that’s a lot of hard work and education” or “do you really think that’s a good idea?” - even as an adult when I talked about a new career path I felt shut down. Of course I also get asked why I’m “just a secretary” and not something better. Don’t do this to your kids.

4points

ZAPanda 3 years ago

Very good points.

3points

Aliquid 3 years ago

No matter how much you think you understand the "right" way to parent... when you are a parent yourself, you will screw up and fail in a different way.

2points

Leo Domitrix 3 years ago

I really hate recognizing so much about my life in these. *sigh*

2points

Kel 3 years ago (edited)

I agree with you. on one hand I know that reading these types of articles only makes me feel worse, but at the same time I feel curious to see how many of these I can recognise from my life

1point

lili 2 years ago

22/29... Oh wait, that's a bad thing

1point

Tina Hugh 3 years ago

I'd add "screaming insults at your child for 30 minutes straight and then having occasional screaming outbursts for hours" to the list. Also, "threatening to leave your kid in a bad part of town and telling them they'll be raped".

1point

Fxnglhl 3 years ago

my mom would threaten my sister and I to put us up for adoption if we didn't behave.

1point

s. vitkovitsky 3 years ago

Mine threatened the 'orphanage', pointing to a very old industrial building.

0points

Rage of Aquarius 3 years ago

How about, don't belittle their physical ailments, either. I mean, if it's a cut or bruise, coddling is gross. But for instance, I sprained my ankle and I got "Walk it off, wuss." from both my parents. It got to the point where I was putting matches in my arm to prove to myself and my dad that I'm not as weak as he always says.

1point

OHIOWAndering_Around 3 years ago

My mom loved walk it off. I was forced to walk off a f*****g appendectomy at 16...had my surgery on a Thursday and I was back in school Monday against doctor orders because what did he know. My mom said if I'd have been released I'd have gone back to school on Friday because I didn't need to be home. Then that Tuesday I was back to marching band because I complained too much about being in pain and I wouldn't know what pain was until I had children. I walked off everything but a traumatic brain injury and I still feel it's my fault for not walking it off harder. Even though I walked it off for a year before my body shut down.

0points

Piet Puk 3 years ago

Laughing at them when they confide their fears and frustrations.

1point

XSpooky_Mint 3 years ago

My dad once told me "It's a good thing it doesn't matter what you think" and holy f**k, I should have punched him right then and there

1point

Random Anon 3 years ago

I have to point out that things have changed a lot over the past few decades. We shouldn't be too quick to judge how things are back in the day. There was a time, the saying "spare the rod and spoil the child" is the universal truth. If we applied today's standards to parents in the past then all of them would be terrible parents.

0points

Frankenfrog 3 years ago

Make them in the first place

0points

Tina Hugh 3 years ago

For fathers: *always* looking straight at her chest when talking to your teenage daughter and telling her she's more sexually attractive than her mother

0points

Tina Hugh 3 years ago

Here's another one: "Terrorize your child to make her timid and keep her from interacting with other children until she starts school. Then when she mentions she's bullied at school, brag that you were very popular and laugh at the idea that anyone could bully you"

0points

cb !!! 3 years ago

i suppose i'm happy that i exist, but my parents should have sorted out a few things before having children. my dad was a child of divorce, kicked out at 16, while my mom was raised in the richest, most white-privilege-y part of town. how they fell in love is a mystery to me, but now i'm torn between following my heart at the cost of being kicked out (coming out, saying my beliefs religious and political, etc etc) and being the perfect smart child that goes to a nice respectable college with all good catholic friends. it also probably doesn't help that both my parents show strong signs of various mental health issues (ocd, adhd) which is starting to show as i get older as well.

0points

InsignificantFeline 3 years ago

My biological parents were amazing, sadly they died when I was five. A couple years later I was adopted and the people who adopted me did EVERY SINGLE PARENTING THING WRONG AND I MEAN EVERYTHING. It was so bad I almost committed suicide multiple times, and they didn't even care, which I don't really care about by now but still. I was so messed up, and then a few years later a friend of mine helped me with life. To make a long story short, she's now my girlfriend and we're showing my homophobic transphobic awful parents who the f**k has more authority now B)

0points

BleeBloo 3 years ago

My number one pet peeve about my parents: lead by example. I had no context for my dad's endless lectures about everything, only for him to turn around and do the opposite of everything he was lecturing about.

0points

LeilaOdinis 3 years ago

I see myself in so many of these items. My father was the only one on my side. Now he's gone from this world. I do know it gets better, but when is a work in progress.

0points

Lovin' Life 3 years ago

Every parent needs to read this.

0points

OHIOWAndering_Around 3 years ago

My mom would say I was trying to guilt her for things out of her control like beating me as a child, telling me constantly how stupid and ugly I was, etc. In her mind, I'm the problem and she's the victim.

0points

BananaJo 3 years ago

I think for me it's comparing you to your friends or just comparing you to other people. It makes you feel like you can't tell them anything, because they could use it against you

0points

Katsuki Bakugou (Kacchan) 3 years ago

yeah my parents are always comparing me to my other "more wholesome" friend- it gets so bad sometimes that i just wanna- scream-

1point

POST

Madison Feehan 3 years ago

This article is so on point.

16points

Demi Zwaan 3 years ago

13points

Kristal 3 years ago

Omg yes. My mother only had me because the doctors told her she shouldn't/couldn't have children -_-

3points

Burs 3 years ago (edited)

8points

Nudge 3 years ago

my friends all have problems with their mothers, some with both parents though, and some only because dad wasn't in the picture

2points

Katsuki Bakugou (Kacchan) 3 years ago (edited)

5points

Marie 3 years ago (edited)

4points

BoopBoop 3 years ago

0points

KMill 3 years ago

4points

ZAPanda 3 years ago

Very good points.

3points

Aliquid 3 years ago

No matter how much you think you understand the "right" way to parent... when you are a parent yourself, you will screw up and fail in a different way.

2points

Leo Domitrix 3 years ago

I really hate recognizing so much about my life in these. *sigh*

2points

Kel 3 years ago (edited)

I agree with you. on one hand I know that reading these types of articles only makes me feel worse, but at the same time I feel curious to see how many of these I can recognise from my life

1point

lili 2 years ago

22/29... Oh wait, that's a bad thing

1point

Tina Hugh 3 years ago

1point

Fxnglhl 3 years ago

my mom would threaten my sister and I to put us up for adoption if we didn't behave.

1point

s. vitkovitsky 3 years ago

Mine threatened the 'orphanage', pointing to a very old industrial building.

0points

Rage of Aquarius 3 years ago

1point

OHIOWAndering_Around 3 years ago

0points

Piet Puk 3 years ago

Laughing at them when they confide their fears and frustrations.

1point

XSpooky_Mint 3 years ago

My dad once told me "It's a good thing it doesn't matter what you think" and holy f**k, I should have punched him right then and there

1point

Random Anon 3 years ago

0points

Frankenfrog 3 years ago

Make them in the first place

0points

Tina Hugh 3 years ago

For fathers: *always* looking straight at her chest when talking to your teenage daughter and telling her she's more sexually attractive than her mother

0points

Tina Hugh 3 years ago

0points

cb !!! 3 years ago

0points

InsignificantFeline 3 years ago

0points

BleeBloo 3 years ago

0points

LeilaOdinis 3 years ago

I see myself in so many of these items. My father was the only one on my side. Now he's gone from this world. I do know it gets better, but when is a work in progress.

0points

Lovin' Life 3 years ago

Every parent needs to read this.

0points

OHIOWAndering_Around 3 years ago

0points

BananaJo 3 years ago

I think for me it's comparing you to your friends or just comparing you to other people. It makes you feel like you can't tell them anything, because they could use it against you

0points

Katsuki Bakugou (Kacchan) 3 years ago

yeah my parents are always comparing me to my other "more wholesome" friend- it gets so bad sometimes that i just wanna- scream-

1point