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Not all secrets are equal. Far from it! Some are as simple as who stole the last cookie from the jar (though that can still make us feel incredibly bad). Others deal with the dark past of your family, immense feelings of guilt, and trying to hide some truly awful things that you’d done. Today, we’ll be taking a look at the latter.

We’ve collected the most impactful and uncomfortable secrets that people shared in a thread on r/AskReddit. They’d promised to themselves that they’d take these secrets to the grave with them, but they found an anonymous outlet for at least some of their guilty feelings.

Scroll down to read the stories, and let us know which of these shocked you the most, Pandas. If you have anything that you’d like to get off your chests, the comment section also works as a confessional. Now, shall we go feel very uncomfortable and tackle some complex feelings we’d probably rather not feel?

Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., was kind enough to shed a light on why we feel guilty and why it feels good to confess something that we'd been keeping a secret. Suzanne is a Licensed Counselor, Professor, and Chair at the Department of Counseling and Higher Education at Northern Illinois University. She told Bored Panda that guilt is an emotion that we learn very early on in life.

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#1

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else Well for a while last year i was planning on [taking my own life], with a note typed out on google docs, how to leave the rest of my room to be the least inconvenience to my family, etc.

Doing much better now, went on antidepressants, weaned myself off, just trying to land a job so i can actually get started with my life. Feeling good about the future :)

CptBarbosa , Damir Samatkulov Report

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"Parents often try to use guilt to get their kids to 'fess up' or do the right thing," Professor Degges-White, from Northern Illinois University, told Bored Panda.

The professor explained that guilt triggers the part of the brain that's associated with our empathy for others, so we're holding back information from someone we care about, we become focused on how this lack of honesty affects our relationship with others. This works similarly for when we let someone down.
#2

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else We had an old cat growing up named Tuna. He was 16 or 17 and had a long and happy life but was really deteriorating. My mom did not want him put down as it was her cat and she seemed to be in denial about how decrepit and near death this cat was. One day she comes home from the store and my dad calmly tells her that he found Tuna dead under a tree in the sun. She was happy he died peacefully and on his own terms. What she doesn't know is that she actually ran him over as she was leaving for the store. She obviously didn't feel him under the tire but my mom killed her cat and we all lied about him dying in his sleep.

misssnizzle , Oscar Fickel Report

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#3

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else Throw away because some friends know my username.

My dad had bowel cancer, he fought it for a few years but we eventully realised that the chemo was losing.

They set up to make him comfortable, this included one of those little automatic dosage machines that hopped him up on morphene every so often so he wasn't in pain. By the end he could barely speak, couldn't move, his stomach was distended because he hadn't s**t in... f**k I can't even remember how long.

Close to the end the morphene would become less effective faster than the doctors/ nurses could come around to up the dose, it was so distressing for my mum hearing my dad in pain that the nurse showed her how to increase the dose on the machine herself in case he woke up in pain.

Me and my sister are pretty sure that the night he died, after we had all said good night to him, my mum increased his dosage... quite a bit higher than she should have done. Nothing was ever said, by my mum, the nurses or the doctors, but we're pretty sure... **If** she did do it, I understand why and I don't blame her, I'm actually quite glad because my dad was suffering, and it was just f*****g awful to see him in so much pain and not be able to do anything.

Anyway, that's sufficiently depressed me first thing in the morning and I'm sure this will get buried anyway. Never logging into this account again...

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Ewelina Rydzewska
Ewelina Rydzewska
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope someone would do this for me if I was in the same situation.

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"Guilt is a feeling that results when we've engaged in activities that are harming or distressing other people. As a rule, people don't take pleasure in harming other people—especially the people they are close to," she said.

According to Professor Degges-White, confessing secrets helps get rid of the cognitive dissonance that we'd been dealing with. "When we 'fess up' about the knowledge that we've been holding onto—whatever secret we were keeping or white lie we were telling—it removes a great deal of cognitive dissonance and we feel better about being honest than we did when we were intentionally withholding information from another," she explained to Bored Panda.
#4

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else My father bought me a beautiful Fender Stratocaster for my 15th Birthday. It was unique and gorgeous. I sold it to a guitar shop when I was 20 because I needed the cash. I never had the heart to tell him. I even found one exactly like it almost 10 years later, after I had become financially stable. I bought it in an instant. He still thinks I have the guitar he got me for my birthday. I still don't have the heart to tell him.

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#5

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else About 10 years ago I met my now wife and her 2 year old daughter that was a product of a r*pe. After falling in love with her, I decided to adopt the little girl under the condition that we tell everyone that we had a one night stand and I got her pregnant and she couldn't find me for 2 years. I don't like lying about paternity but I love this little girl so much I couldn't even fathom the idea of her growing up and finding out how she came to be. My family has big mouths so I will never let them find out. Now my parents call me the family whore and make jokes about it and it f**king pisses me off. But I love her and treat her like I treat my own son.


As a bonus, the entire reason I married my wife was to adopt her daughter. We've been married for 8 years now and my daughter is now 12. She never questions it and I will never let anyone find out the truth. It could ruin my life.

Dougs_Secret_Throwaw , Brittani Burns Report

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Jaden Alexander
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#6

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else The real reason I don't talk to my mum is because she called me at 3 am one day, after she'd had a fight with her boyfriend and I had to run to her house and wrestle the pill bottle out of her hand to stop her from trying to [take her life] by OD'ing again. She refused to get help, we'd had her committed several times, and I couldn't handle the burden, at 19, of being the one physically stopping her.

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JJ
JJ
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Which is totally valid. A child (even at the age of 19) should not have to carry the burden to be responsible for their parents, esp. not for them staying alive. (I mean, it's fine if you - as an adult! - decide to do it) My mother has multiple severe mental and physical disorders. I felt responsible for her my entire childhood, this continued even when I moved out. I was let down by relatives with that burden because "that's what girls/daughters have to do" and "You have to be careful with your mum and take good care of her". F*ck that! A child deserves their own life.

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"Whether it's nurture or nature, most people do not enjoy lying by omission or commission to others—honesty is a quality that most cultures value. Even when we're confessing to something that we feel shame for having done, the cognitive dissonance that's removed when we tell the truth and reveal the secret can be tremendous."

The truth can set us free. We really do feel better when we’ve confessed to doing something wrong or when we decide to talk about what’s been bothering us. However, at the same time, it’s inevitable that some individuals from our social circle will look at us differently.

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Whether because they realize that we’re not the people they came to know or due to how our family history might make them feel very uneasy. Sometimes, withholding certain information and going for white lies is the right way forward. It all really depends on the specific situation. There’s really no one-size-fits-all approach here: you’ve got to decide what’s best for you and your nearest and dearest.
#7

For about seven to ten years I was sexually abused by my dad. No one else in my family knows and I have never told anyone about it. I do not know exactly when it started but it has at least been going on for as long as I can remember. The last time I remember it happening was when I was 10, in a hotel room when we were on our last family vacation before my parents split up. It was never intercourse, but he touched/kissed/licked my body. I remember when I was maybe 7 years old and I kept thinking that maybe when I turned 13 dad would r*pe me and I might get pregnant.

The disgusting part is that I always really liked my dad when I was a kid. I never understood what was happening so I couldn't grasp that it was wrong. I lost contact with him for a few years when he lived with a truly disturbed and mean woman, but nowadays I do talk to him and meet him occasionally. I feel really weird about it... part of me wants to scream and cry because he really ruined me, but another part of me wants to just forget and put it all behind me. I hate that I still like him. I hate that I get so happy when he calls to wish me happy birthday. I hate that I just really want to have a dad.

Today I'm 18 and very afraid of boys/men. I can't trust anyone and I never feel safe. I am very desperate for attention and affection, but I get absolutely terrified whenever a male pays me any attention. I get uncomfortable and wonder what he wants from me. No one ever loves someone genuinely without having some dark motives.

Sorry if this was long, but long story short: I was sexually abused by my own dad for several years. It f****d me up and I don't even hate him.

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Lyone Fein
Lyone Fein
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am sorry for what you have been through. You need to know that the things your father did have nothing to do with what kind of person you are or whether you are a good person or not. It is natural to have mixed feelings and thoughts toward him. I have a similar background with my father, and yet I have tons of "happy" dreams about him. Just cut yourself some slack. Be kind to yourself. He's the a*****e and sick weirdo. Not you.

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#8

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else Probably not going to the grave with it because I'm sure the rest of my family will find out about this (some family already knows and that's how I found out) but I just found out that my homophobic/racist as [hell] step brother who is a marine has been doing gay [adult movies] for the last few years. Apparently, he is one of this site's top stars or whatever and it all has a military theme. I just found this out 3 days ago..

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#9

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else In the car ride home the other day from a family vacation, my date offered to drive the 9 hours home since I drove us there. I had fallen asleep but woke up abruptly when I farted. Loudly. And it stunk. I had been sleeping with his jacket over my head so I pretended to be asleep.

As I was drifting back to sleep I farted again. Just as loud. Just as smelly. I continued to pretend to be asleep, though I heard him stifle giggles.

I'll never tell him I was awake the whole time.

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Jaden Alexander
Jaden Alexander
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2 years ago

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A while back, relationship coach Alex Scot explained to Bored Panda that transparency is vital for the health of romantic and familial relationships. We’ve got to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes and see how they’d feel if we’re ever having any doubts about whether to keep something secret or to spill the beans.

"If it can affect your partner or family, there absolutely should be transparency. Whenever in doubt, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself what you would like if you were in their situation," the expert told us.

"If it wouldn’t impact them, then you have the option of keeping it to yourself. The difference between privacy and secrecy is that secrecy has a sense of shame, guilt, or knowing that your partner or family member wouldn’t be ok with whatever took place."
#10

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else Throwaway because the whole point of this thread is to take this secret to the grave, right? I feel like this isn't actually that uncommon, but since it's still taboo as f**k I'm not taking any chances.

I'm generally not sexually attracted to anyone, but I *am* attracted to my cousin. He's a year younger than me and used to be the kid nobody noticed but me -- he was a little overweight for most of his childhood and was just generally awkward. I'd spend time with him and listen to him when we visited. When we were 11/12 we spent a whole week's vacation hiding under a fold-out bed with the door closed and locked just talking about our lives and how we felt about our families and all that. When we played together he used to let me tie him up and pretend that I was queen and had taken him -- a valiant warrior from a distant tribe -- prisoner. We'd also make paper airplanes and send them flying off the balcony of our grandparents' house. For a while we were really close, and then we didn't see each other for years. We drifted apart, but I found myself thinking about him every now and then, and we'd call and talk sometimes.

Fast forward a few years. I'm 17, he's 16. My family has moved closer to his. Now we're an hour apart. I'd *heard* that he's changed since I'd seen him last, but I didn't really think about it until we pulled up at my aunt's house. I say hi to everyone, they've all grown and changed. Then, fifteen minutes in, he comes downstairs fresh out of the shower apologizing for being late; he'd had to coach a junior soccer game in the southern summer heat and needed to clean up. Meanwhile, I'm dying. What the f**k happened to that awkward kid I used to know? He's 6'4", golden skin, sandy blonde hair, beautiful clear blue/green eyes. He's also lost all the baby fat and gained just enough muscle to make him look really damn good.

Since then, over the last two years, I've had to deal with this horrible attraction to him. We don't look anything alike and I basically thought of him more like a friend than a cousin growing up, and now that we're older (18/19) I keep thinking about him in incredibly inappropriate ways. He's only gotten better looking and more muscular and it's honestly the worst. A year ago he volunteered to be my model to help me practice outdoors photography (I was a fledgling photographer) and it turned into him lying shirtless on the grass and giving me these *looks.* I'm f****d in the head and I'm going to hell, but I figure as long as I keep repressing it I might get out of this alive.

Tldr: My cousin turned from an ugly duckling to, essentially, a greek god. I've been attracted to him for the past two years. Kinda hate myself.

God, it feels good to get this off my chest, even though I'm already kind of regretting it. Thanks, reddit. Hopefully I won't get too much backlash here.

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#11

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else There was a math competition/test in grade 8, and this was to actually decide who got the math award at graduation, but we didn't know that at the time. They grabbed all the top students, including me and my best friend, and we were probably the two smartest kids in the grade. Well my friend was always faster than me at completing tests, assignments, etc. he just had that gift of always flying through these things, so I knew he would crush this competition/test.

There was about 15 of us in a computer lab, all spaced apart, the test was done on a math program (I can't remember what it was called) and it was some long a*s weird word problem that was actually meant to confuse us. Well while the teacher was explaining the test I was clicking through one of the network drives and I found a folder that said Final.Test.William (my name is William). I was like "That's really weird I don't remember making this?" so I opened it up, and BOOM! it had the answer for our competition.

So I quickly copy and pasted it onto Word so no can see, and then once we started I minimized Word into the corner and re-wrote out the answer in my own words. This only took me about 10 minutes to do, and the teach said this should take everyone at least an hour. So I sit there for another 10-15 minutes just to play it safe, and then I told the teach I was done. He came over and was amazed how fast I completed the test.

Graduation comes and I receive the math award and the teacher explains how amazed he was how fast I had completed the test in record time. I found out that day the teacher's name was also William. Funny end to the story, my best friend and I actually live together now and he is a very successful Architect and I'm an Engineer. Years later he still brings it up and asks "How the f**k did you do that test so fast? That was mine and you know it"

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LeeBreezy
LeeBreezy
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

now, i dont condone cheating, but it takes a certain level of intelligence and skill to pull off a successful cheat, so my hats' off to you

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#12

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else I always tell my wife how much I love her makeup that day.

I hate it. I wish she would stop wearing it but it makes her happy so I decide to lie.

MUFFINCSGO , Peter Kalonji Report

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The only Plueschopossum
The only Plueschopossum
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Plot twist: she hates her makeup and wears it only because she thinks her husband loves it... :D

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According to relationship coach Alex, smaller instances of trust being broken can take a while to get past. However, for larger offenses, “be prepared to be overly transparent for a time and hire a therapist or coach to walk you through the process. Trust takes consistency to rebuild and consistency equals effort over time."

Meanwhile, relationship and dating expert Dan Bacon, from The Modern Man, explained the difference between secrecy and privacy to us.

“In a relationship, secrecy is about keeping secrets from the other person, whereas privacy is when you are free from being observed or disturbed by the other person,” he told Bored Panda. According to him, emotionally independent people who are confident and happy “regardless of what the other person says or does” will be all right giving each other some space.

However, needy people are far less likely to give others privacy because they need “the other person’s attention to make themselves feel okay on a daily basis.”

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#13

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else My dad was having a heart attack in front of me and my mother, she yelled at me to go get help but I froze in fear. He later died which caused my mother to become addicted to prescription pain killer and then killed herself while my brother also killed himself a year later.

TL;dr I ruined my family.

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JJ
JJ
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You didn't. You may feel this way but you didn't. Freezing is one of three psychological reactions that are so damn deep in our genes, you just can't react differently in such a stress situation. Please seek help to work on this. You don't deserve to feel responsible and guilty for a situation that wasn't in your hands.

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#14

TL;DR I "stole" my dad's expensive stamp collection because my family was fighting over it. I'm safekeeping it until everyone who fought over it is dead and turning it into a family heirloom.

Before my dad fell off the wagon, he assembled a beautiful stamp collection. I really loved watching him collect them as a kid. Life happened. He became a non functioning alcoholic. My parents got divorced. He moved in with his girlfriend. Then he beat his girlfriend, and she kicked him out and got a restraining order.

At that time I was living on my own attending college one state over. My mom called from the other side of the country. Somehow she'd just found out my father had left his valuable stamp collection in his ex's garage. My mother had been having money problems and asked me to retrieve it for her so she could sell it. I was reluctant because finals were coming up, and I was broke. It would cost me a lot in gas and the trip was long enough I'd need to sleep at a motel, too. My mother said she'd give me 10% of the sale if I got it for her. She anticipated selling the collection for $10,000. I agreed to get the collection for her.

The trip was miserable right away. My car was an ancient beater that burned through gas. By the time I got to the ex's neighborhood, I'd spent so much money on fuel, I had to sleep in my car every night. Though I'd been told she was expecting me, this was clearly a lie. His ex had no idea I was on my way at all. Thankfully, she was happy to let me take whatever I wanted that my father had left behind.

As soon as I had the stamps, I called my mother. She was ecstatic, claiming she'd found someone who would buy the stamps sight unseen for $1,000, and she was very excited about her upcoming windfall. I told her she'd said the collection was worth ten times that. She said she was sure it was but didn't have the energy to shop around and would just go with the offer she'd been made. I asked if she was still going to give me 10%? No, since she'd only be getting a tenth of what she'd anticipated when she'd made the offer, she no longer had money to spare to pay me. Also, could I pay the shipping to mail the box?

I was furious and just said "I'll see what I can do," and hung up to decide what exactly I was going to do. Once I had calmed down, I decided I'd sell the collection myself for as high as I could, take my 10%, and cut her a check for the rest. Before I could call her back, my phone rang. My mother had called my father to rub it in that she was getting his stamp collection, and he'd called me to scream at me and demand I turn around and bring it to him instead.

By the time I had made my way back home, my parents had tag teamed me with so many angry calls, I'd had to shut off my phone. My e-mails (both personal and school), my AIM, my Facebook, hell, even my DeviantArt account was flooded with messages from both of them trying to convince me to send them the collection. The messages swung wildly between being sweet and pleading to angry and accusatory.

I told my mom if she gave me $80 to cover the gas I'd bought and accept the collection POD, I'd wash my hands of this, but she was too angry to negotiate. She wanted the stamps. She wanted them now. She wanted them no strings attached.

Angrily, I shoved the collection into my closet and told her to stop calling. So of course she called every. Single. Day. She called from friend's numbers, blocked numbers, she sent me e-mails, texts, private messages, snail mail. F**K. She sent me FLOWERS with messages begging me to pick up the phone.

Eventually, the storm died down over the course of a year, but we'd pretty effectively stopped talking. Then one day, my sister knocked on my door. I was baffled. I knew she'd be in town for a game, but we were not friends and I wasn't expecting her to visit. She said mom had sent her to pick up the stamps.

I was furious all over again. But I kept my cool, went back into my house, and packed all the inexpensive parts of the collection into one box- unfilled binders, info books, various supplies for setting the stamps in their books, and the junior stamp collected kits I'd done with him as a kid. I told her it was all I'd found and passed it off.

My mom later called and said she'd sent it back to my father without ever opening it because it had caused so much drama between everyone. The air cleared a lot between us after that, even though I still have the stamps, though my father hasn't spoken to me since.

I'm not going to tell my family I still have the stamps. I've brought them with me every move I've made. They've crossed the planet with me. Twice. I've never once tried to sell them or even had them appraised. No one involved in the in incident- my mother, my father, my sister, not even me- is going to profit off the stamps. They're staying away from the light of day until I have a grandchild or grand-niece/nephew I decide will appreciate them. And if I'm not the last of us four alive when the time comes to pass them off, they go into long term storage and willed to that person to be opened only once all four of us are dead.

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KombatBunni
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for you. Screw that AH family, they don’t deserve someone like you

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#15

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else The wife of a close friend knows that the friend was closeted and was gay before they got married. She believes that she is the only reason he decided to be straight instead. She admitted this to me on a 12-hour road trip once and then realized she'd said too much and swore me to secrecy. I didn't tell her that, before getting married, the close friend admitted to me that he wanted to be gay but that he never dared to out of fear of judgment of his rural, conservative family. He almost didn't get married because he didn't think he could pull it off, but it seemed like the to save face with his family. They have been married over 20 years now.

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“Each relationship is different in terms of secrecy and privacy, but for a relationship to work, both people need to fully trust each other and allow the other person to take responsibility for that trust on their own,” relationship expert Dan said.

“In other words, there’s no need to continually remind the other person about being trustworthy, demand it, or sulk about it. Just give your trust to the other person and let them take care of it. If they break your trust, then that is their mistake. However, if you regularly demand that they be trustworthy and make them promise not to cheat or betray you, then that is your mistake.”

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The expert noted that it’s not always necessary to tell the other person absolutely everything. “Sometimes, past truths can ruin the current relationship,” he said that withholding some information is fine if you’re no longer the person you used to be and you’ve atoned for your mistakes.
#16

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else One night I woke up with my mind in a twist, my mom was in the hospital at the time, I had a crazy urge to call them and check on her, but I reasoned not to because I couldn't think of an excuse so I fell back to sleep. 5am I get a call that they checked on her and she didn't have a pulse, I just think there was something I could have done that destroys me to even think about it.

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Ewelina Rydzewska
Ewelina Rydzewska
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it was her saying goodbye to you. I don't think you could do something.

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#17

I'm a 6ft4, 320lb MMA fighter, bouncer, and weight lifter. My Dad thinks of me as the manliest guy in the world, and often times I'll even feign a call and chat with ine of my female friends. He thinks I'm a chick magnet since I get a decent amount of looks in public if my shirt is tighter than usual.



His daughter is a 35 year old woman with two kids, both of which are failing school. She married a deadbeat and essentially is ruined, living in a sh**ty leased house which she struggles to keep afloat. I know my Dad wants me to be successful, form a family, and pretty much be the successor of his family. To bear him eventual grandchildren even, and just to be his "pride."


I don't have the heart to tell him I'm gay, and since he was raised rather racist considering he is of German decent and his father was a decently high ranking KKK member, he'd be even more pissed that I'm dating a latino guy. He isn't very open minded at all, and is pretty strict and tunneled in his views. I don't think I coukd ever break his heart and tell him.


To top it all off, he was ahem.. "snipped" rather early on in life, so there's no chance of having another success kid. He expects the world out of me, and I wish I could give him that. I just want him to be happy.

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Bouche Clay
Bouche Clay
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He chose to bring you into the world. You owe him nothing. Be who you are. I can't suggest whether you should tell him or not, but please don't feel guilty for being you and not mini him.

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#18

My friend in 8th grade called me before he killed himself and told me it was my fault. If I called his mom sooner instead of feeling sorry for myself and for him he might still be here

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Bouche Clay
Bouche Clay
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Life is filled with if only. You were a child. His choice is not your fault. His mental health is not your fault. His mother's not realizing (or possibly being unable to admit) that her child had a serious problem is not your fault. Please try not to let needless guilt hurt you. Celebrate what you loved about your friend, and that he was a part of your life.

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#19

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else In 5th grade, I cheated on an exam. My buddy and I were the only two people in the grade who got this particular question correct, but I copied him. The worst part was he was considered 'dumb' while I was at the top of the class, so the teacher was convinced that he copied me and he ended up getting suspended.

Long story short, I was too p**sy to admit that I was the one who cheated as my parents would have murdered me if I failed the test and even worse if I got suspended.

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#20

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else That I hate all my f*****g friends for not inviting me anywhere and my cycles of sudden realization that nobody cares about me except for my family.

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Bouche Clay
Bouche Clay
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Go yourself. Find something you seriously enjoy, and pursue it. Find people with that interest, and you may be surprised at how soon you have friends that want to do things with you.

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#21

I burned down a train station.

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#22

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else I saw my friends nipple when I looked down her bra the other night whilst nursing her sunburnt shoulders and back

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#23

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else My parents are divorced and remarried (my dad is very happily married to my step-mom; my mom, is not so happily married to my step-dad).

They both confided in me a long time ago that they’re both still very much in love with each other (separately, of course; they live thousands of miles apart), but they asked me to never tell anybody in our lives about this. I intend on keeping that promise, but it hurts to know that they still feel so strongly about each other, and maybe, just maybe, could have gotten back together if they weren’t so proud and stubborn.

Such is life.

Edit: extra detail that I totally forgot to mention - when I turned 18, my father and his parents (we’re all very close) sat me down and handed me a folder with everything that happened regarding their divorce. All of the letters between my parents, the confession of the situation that started it all, and it kind of shattered my world at the time. I had this image of my mom and my dad, and these images and ideas of who they were had to be edited to add all of this new information in, and they clashed very strongly. Over time, I came to understand that people change, and the parents I saw dealing with their divorce are not the parents I have today.

My mom was only 19 when they started dating, and they married 2 years later. My dad was 7 years older, so he had more life experience. From what I gathered, my mom just wasn’t ready for that kind of life, that kind of commitment. I understand it a lot clearer now that I’ve been in my own relationship with my partner for 4 years now, and we got together when he was 18 and I was 21. Things are all the more difficult when you’re living with someone at such a young age. We’ve made it work and we are extremely happy that we did, but we honestly felt like it would end at any point during the first 2.5 years; they were hellish.

It also didn’t help that my mom came from a pastor’s family, and they were extremely strict, to the point of disregarding their faith for the sake of the family image to the public. There are some very dark stories about that, but this thread isn’t the place to get into that, I feel.

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Bouche Clay
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm glad you and your SO are getting through the rough spots together.

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#24

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else That this child isn't actually my bastard, but my sister's son, whose dad passed away.

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Thee8thsense
Thee8thsense
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the term "bastard" in reference to a child can be retired forever. We must elevate our thinking, temper our judgements, and open our hearts, particularly when it comes to innocent children.

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#25

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else When I was younger I was at my friends house sledding. He had to leave with his family but I kept sledding. I lost control and ran over a baby pine tree they had planted earlier in the year. A tree they had planted in remembrance of my friends grandma passing away that year. I had snapped the tree when I hit it. So I just stuck it in the snow and left. Weeks later and it warms up enough that the snow melts and the tree falls over. They were devastated when they discovered their tree was broken with no explanation how it happened.

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TheAquarius1978
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just thank the Gods your friend was not a Russian Hitman, we all know the result from the last time that happened....

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#26

That I'm actually really f*****g miserable. I really dislike the rest of the family save Grandma and Aunt. Everyday I want to just disappear and there is no one I genuinely love. I don't even know what it feels like to love. And I don't know why. I don't know what I want to do in life and would love to have never been to college. I really just want friends but I'm a depressed wreck who's limited and is too scared to do anything to change it.

I can't tell anyone about this because everyone says just to go out and meet people or get help. No car, no buses here, nowhere to meet people, and a social wreck. We can't afford help. And it just kills me to never tell my mom, the one person I should tell because she'll either say I'm overreacting or feel like she failed as a mother.

Edit 1: Thanks for offers guys and gals. Sad to say talking doesn't help me anymore. I used to talk about problems but it never made me feel better or actually changed things.

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Wooly
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like you need a dog … dogs will love you EXACTLY as you are-

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#27

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else When I was like... 10 or 11, a lot of my classmates got glasses. I thought they were pretty cool, so I faked having myopia in order to get glasses as well. I wasn't too dumb tho, I pretended that I could see better with lenses that had a small diopter so they didn't actually damage my eyesight. The downside was that my parents thought using the computer had something to do with it, so they didn't allow me to use it anymore. Also, I got bored of the glasses quickly, so there's that. I don't really wear them anymore, but I'm ashamed to tell my folks that I faked having bad eyesight because they were really upset at the time.

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Bouche Clay
Bouche Clay
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was a toddler, I had to wear braces so my feet didn't turn outwards. They came off before I could remember, and I walked fine. When my brother started high school, his mental issues caused him a lot of trouble. I wasn't getting enough attention, and I started walking with my foot turned to get it. My parents spent a lot of money to find nothing wrong.

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#28

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else I was using my dad's computer and it auto-completed "(our city) escorts". I was fourteen and had no idea what to do. It's been 8 years now so I feel it's kind of past the familial statute of limitations

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TheAquarius1978
TheAquarius1978
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yea... If you ever use my computer you would probably call the frikking Cops lol, just because its in the search history doesn't mean that your dad was looking for hookers.

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#29

I'm still married but have been in a relationship with my SO for a year and a half. I was in a really ugly, domestic violence ridden marriage with my childhood sweetheart, one night he choked me in a grocery store parking lot until I blacked out and the next day I maxed out my credit card and got on a plane to Florida to see my grandma. I graduated college a week prior and didn't have a job and had no financial means to leave my husband. I stayed in Florida for about a month, took my state boards for my RN license and passed the exam. I flew back to my home state, called my mom who I hadn't spoken to in 5 years and went to stay with her. About a week later I found my first RN job and worked while I stayed with my parents and was miserable and tried to hide from my crazy husband. Fast forward a few months and I saved about 5 grand. I was constantly scared of my husband knowing where I was and coming to find me, it was just an all around absolutely shitty time in my life. I have never been so depressed. I told my mom I had enough money to either hire an attorney or move far away somewhere that I could be safe and start over but I didn't know what to do. She encouraged me to leave and start fresh and take care of myself for a while. So I did. I packed what little I had in my car and drove across the country with no plan to somewhere I had only visited a few times. I ended up doing ok, finding a job as soon as I got here (yay nursing) and never telling anyone about my actual past. Everyone thinks I'm a divorced girl who left the Midwest because of the Cold. To this day the only people who know I'm actually still married is my family back home. I'm just now getting to the point where I can probably start figuring out how to get divorced but still scared that my ex will find out where I live through the divorce process/papers and would have to work really hard to keep it all a secret so my current SO doesn't find out. It's a serious relationship and we've talked about marriage etc and I plan to try as hard as I can to keep this all a secret. He would never forgive me if he found out I had been lying the entire time about being secretly married.

Tl;dr ran away from abusive husband moved across the country started a new life and currently in a serious relationship with someone who has no idea I'm married.

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Ray McArdle
Ray McArdle
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some courts will help you conceal details of your location if you're the victim of domestic abuse.

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#30

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else In 7th grade, me and my friend Simon got the password for the admin accounts on our classroom's computer and our teacher always came in late so we would just change our grades whenever we got to class before him and the door was unlocked. I'm pretty sure this is what got me into a really good high school because i rarely did homework, but I usually knew the material.

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Humanoid Panda
Humanoid Panda
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cool story Ferris..

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M O'Connell
M O'Connell
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The 1990s were the wild-west of school IT security. People who were SAs in the '90s came up in a computer environment where security wasn't as necessary. Users didn't go 'exploring' systems they weren't intended to access. I may or may-not have bypassed the school's approved-site proxy server by convincing the person in charge to add an "educational site" which was actually a browser-based anonymizer proxy based in the Netherlands... 7th grade, circa 2000.

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Bouche Clay
Bouche Clay
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm surprised you weren't caught. Good work doesn't quite seem appropriate, but knowing the material is more important, IMHO.

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Signe Manat Hansen
Signe Manat Hansen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Right because your teacher was definitely like "that slacker kid who never does his homework? Of course I gave him an A, seems legit"

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Helen X
Helen X
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sooner or later you may become an employee somewhere while all your collegues think ‘how the hell did he get his degree?’

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Signe Manat Hansen
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You mean "how the hell did he pass 7th grade". If he has any degrees, he most likely earned them.

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#31

My mother is a virgin but has kids

She's psychologically traumatized due to having weird, extremely conservative parents that stigmatized anything sexual to a weird degree. She was kind of like this with me too but I broke the barrier she tried to impose on me. She went through IVF with my father to have me and my siblings.

I know this because my Aunt told me. I knew I was an IVF baby but my parents gave me a nonsensical health reason as to why. My Aunt told me when my mother got married she was fretting over having sex for the first time and she was holding it off for ages, but it just never happened and several years into marriage they wanted kids.

It possibly means my father is a virgin too as they got married extremely young and dated nobody previous to each other. My father would have had to have cheated on my mother to not be a virgin, which doesn't seem like something he would do (he's a very loyal person and follows his personal moral code very strictly, I always remember him like this).

I think I might be the only person in the world other than Biblical Jesus to be in this situation. At first I didn't believe my Aunt but then I realized it connected all the dots about everything I knew about my parents.

I don't think I'll reveal this about them to anyone for their own sake, even when they're dead.

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Liz McPherson
Liz McPherson
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is pretty bizarre. Definitely a unique situation. Do they just have asexual personalities or do you think religion is making them feel like they can't have sex? Maybe one of them has a sexual dysfunction that prevents intercourse so neither can have sex without cheating. Either way probably healthiest to not did into your parents sex life. Or lack thereof. It's their choice

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#32

I can never recognize my face. I get scared to look in the mirror. Photos of me always seem different or disfigured. Way too scared to find out why or ask for help and don't want my family to find out. I'm weird enough as it is.

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Lyone Fein
Lyone Fein
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You may have a neurological disorder called prosopagnosia. The specific inability to recognize faces. You should speak with your family doctor/GP first and go from there.

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#33

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else My sister and I were on holiday together recently and very drunk one night when we got back from the bar. Naturally, we started drinking more because we were on holiday. She has the ice cube tray in her hand. Opens the window simultaneously and loses her focus and drops the tray five floors to the street, hitting a big guy square in the dome. He looks up and started screaming and shouting in Italian (I live in Rome so I understood he was calling us some bad, bad names). We just closed the window and continued drinking while we could hear this man shouting he was going to come up there and rip our heads off...

Please never find me Mr scary Italian man.

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TheAquarius1978
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And why is this a secret???? I though we would have something juicy her from " stories from an Alabama family " and instead it you dropping an ice Cube on a dude..... Talk about major disapointment, dude i use to spit on peoples heads when i was at school lol.

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#34

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else My ex only gave me 3 orgasms in 2 years. I faked about 5-10 every time we had sex. I told him once that I had faked "some" and he didn't seem too disappointed but I didn't have the heart to tell him the real number. I don't really care about getting off. It's hard enough for me to do it on my own and I don't expect anyone else to take that responsibility. But he is a good guy and told me once that because of me he has more confidence in bed. So I will never tell anyone this.

memes-and-margaritas , Becca Tapert Report

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Liz McPherson
Liz McPherson
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It took a lot of time and partners for me to actually have an orgasm with a man. If I where you I would experiment with your body more because everyone should be able to cum, that's one of life's only pleasures. And once you know what you like you maybe can give better directions

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#35

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else When I was 10, I walked in on my mom and stepfather having sex, standing up. Their backs were toward the door so I just quietly backed out and never said a word about it. That was 40 years ago.

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#36

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else My extremely close, fun, trusting, platonic friendship with my sister is largely the result of the lust I once felt for her.

I'm a couple of years older than my sister, but we started puberty at about the same time. I had felt sexual attraction to girls since I was a small child, I'm guessing that my natural inhibitions are just lower than the norm. Anyway, when she started developing her body I was attracted to it. Very.

We were comfortable with each other (we soon got along better with each other than any of our other siblings) and she had the innocence of the 10-year-old she was, so I ended up seeing stuff every once in a while. Nip slips, changing with the door open, etc. I was so ashamed and scared, but also desperately pubescently horny. So, I naturally went about things the same way stupid boys do with girls: I treated her like a princess.

Now, she was a bit of a brat growing up, and we treated her like it, so she must have noticed when I started treating her differently. As far as I could (and can) tell, she was appreciative that at least one person in the family enjoyed spending time with her. Wrestling on the couch. Playing video games together. Going to the local pool. I was damn distracted, but still enjoying my time with her. Trying desperately not to be caught in my sneaking glances or be too obvious with my physicality.

It was torturous. The cognitive dissonance between caring about her and what's appropriate in general, and desperately wanting her body, was one of the biggest struggles of my childhood. I remember one night on vacation we slept in the same bed in a hotel room. I stayed up the whole night, all too aware of her beside me. How thin her pajamas were, how easy it would be to stick out my hand and explore, wondering if it would wake her up.

Fortunately, I won this struggle. Nothing happened that night. Shortly afterward, I decided that I needed to get my life back in order (as a thirteen year old, I already felt like my life was a mess) and decided to completely repress any urges or thoughts related to her whatsoever. It took months, and my shame didn't go away for a long time. I honestly have no idea where I got the massive resolve needed.

Now, we're very close, and I never think or feel about her sexually. I suppose on a subconscious level I still know that her body is attractive, but I don't regard it as a prospect any more. We're closer than any of our other family members, to the point that we think almost exactly the same thoughts at the same time (even though our personalities are different in plenty of ways) and have tons of inside jokes. We have so much fun together, and I honestly believe that it was largely caused by my childhood maneuverings.

Nowadays, I'm almost exclusively attracted to women of other ethnicity (my first few girlfriends probably had a lot to do with that), which I'm convinced helps; however, as an adult, I've discovered with a bit of fear and disgust that I also have somewhat of an attraction to girls the age she was when this started (9+, barely starting puberty). It's not as strong as attraction to women my age, however, and I'm not worried at all. I talked to a therapist a bit about that part just to be sure that all is well; despite some weird challenges along the way, all certainly is well. I've honestly never spoken of this as far as I can remember, and I had the urge to get it off my chest just recently, so thank you all for listening.

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Jaden Alexander
Jaden Alexander
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2 years ago

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#37

In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max’s toupee and I glued it on my face when I played Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog…When my mom sent me to a summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out…

But the worst thing I ever done — I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa — and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.

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Jaden Alexander
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2 years ago

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#38

One time in middle school, I asked to borrow my friend's pen for a moment to write something down. He was pulled out of the room for something a second later, and I just forgot that it was his pen. When he returned to the room, the teacher chewed him out for not having a pen on him. And I think he forgot that he gave it to me as well.

I still feel guilty as f**k about it.

Plus side, I'm the godfather to his son now. I shall seek redemption in his time of need.

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#39

When I was 4 I had a neighbor who was also about 3-4. My mom worked nights so I would stay at my neighbors and hang out with their family.

For about a year once every week or so I don't really remember I would look her in a room just the two of us, force her to take of her clothes and touch and kiss her body. Keep in mind I was young and had no idea what I was doing or what sex was. Fast forward 20 years and my brother decides to look up our old family friends on facebook, and the girl had recently overdosed on drugs, and her family is now trying to help people with depression.

I don't think I'm aggressive at all but I try to distance myself from people because I don't want to hurt anyone. I'll probably think of myself as a horrible person forever.

only saying this cause throwaway and I'm drunk

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Minath
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP was four, they had no idea what they were doing was wrong. I feel sorry for everyone involved.

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#40

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else My dad cheated on my mum with her sister when I was born (my aunt moved in to help my mother with the newborn i.e. me). My mother told me while she was drunk at a dinner party, and started it all off with "You know, I know I sometimes sound like I hate you, but there's a reason..."
So, even though I love both of my parents, I secretly think they're both pretty awful excuses for human beings. My dad for obvious reasons, my mother for holding it all against me.
Edit (I'm so sorry for the earlier ambiguity!!!): My mother was the one who told me. I have never been allowed to meet my aunty, but never really knew why until my mother spilled the beans. Until then, I had been offered the excuse that it was because my mother didn't like my aunty's husband.
Turns out my dad is the d******d.

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#41

This will probably get burried, but here goes. When I was 17, I met this guy and became really good friends with him. We never dated or anything, but I fell head over heels in love. Every moment with him felt romantic. I was convinced he was the one.

Life happened, and due to some geographic restrictions (going to separate directions for uni) and just random unimportant s**t we lost touch after about a year. I told myself that I would forget about him and get over it.

It's been over ten years, and in some ways, I still haven't. He pops into my mind after every break up I go through. Occasionally I look him up on facebook. I've tried contacting him several times and we engage in small talk, but it never goes any further than that.

I'm now seeing someone who definitely wants to marry me, and I'm pretty much convinced that this other guy has positive memories of our friendship, but no further interest. I know that I need to stop fantasizing and focus on the person I have, but some small part of me is having trouble letting go of the dream of this guy. I've gotten to a point where I've basically resigned myself to the idea that I will never have him, but also that I will never really let go. I secretly think I may be crazy. :(

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Ralica K.
Ralica K.
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The guy he is today is not the same guy he was when he was 17. He was what 17 years old you wanted then, but would he be good enough for you now? You obviously need some kind of closure, contact him one final time, see how it goes one final time then close it off in your mind.

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#42

30 Secrets That People Promised Themselves They’d Never Tell Anyone Else Probably the fact that I lost my virginity at 24 and not 18. At that point, I knew it wasn't going to be magical or anything but I had this thought that I needed to get this done. I met a girl online and she took a liking to me. She hung out at my place for the second date and of course things happened. I did it in a very pragmatic and clinical way. My mind went "Lick here, stick this here." She did mention how bad I was but I played it off as me being rusty. It was a year long process that started with me stating that I will lose my virginity. It started with talking to 5 girls at the same time. I even went on a date with a 50 year old woman. I told her I was 35 (I was 23) but my quest finally came to an end. What's next? Repeat the process until I find someone compatible to make permanent. As the saying goes "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

Rebel4thecolorbrown , Womanizer Toys Report

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TheAquarius1978
TheAquarius1978
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dude lmao, do you know where did i learned what to do.... At work, i had a lot of downtime, the at the place where i worked there was a Lady that had massive amounts of " pink magazines " só i use to read them, and i can tell you, it works it really works, who the hell would imagine that you can get a woman Turned on just by touching her arms in the right way lol...

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#43

My friend showed me his girlfriend's (my best friend's) nude pictures

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#44

I am the one that put the hole in the wall of the upstairs bedroom

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#45

The only reason I married my first wife was based completely on a lie.

We were taking some time apart because she realized she still had feelings for an ex. I knew the relationship wouldn't really work long term, we were young and too different; but the thought of that rejection was too much for my egotistical mind to bear.

I was driving and crying one night and ditched my car on a country road, my face slamming into the steering wheel in the process. I instantly had a huge bruise, and when I saw her next I told her someone walked up to me and hit me in the face while telling me to stay away from her. She bought it, and we got back together.

I later proposed to her because, and I quote my internal monologue, "if I were willing to lie like that, I **probably** loved her." Obviously, she cheated again, emptied our accounts and vanished. After she left, I was destroyed and sank into a decade long depression, became an alcoholic and basically tried to suicide via poor choices.

In a way, I sort of deserved that Dear Bigsie letter and have no idea how to reconcile that fact with myself.

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Petra Moon
Petra Moon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow..you made some bad choices. But you have the rest of your life so I hope you turn your life around and find happiness.

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#46

I forged a report card in high school.

I was a sh**ty student (undiagnosed depression and anxiety was the culprit, but that's another story). Anyway, teachers would often be able to submit stock comments such as "Fails to complete homework" or "Does not participate in class" along with their letter grades. My parents told me that if I get one more comment, I'm losing my computer and TV privileges for the summer.

I went to a private Catholic school, and report cards were simply printed out on school letterhead and handed to the students. The day they came out, I had multiple comments. Thus my best friend Dan and I quickly devised a plan.

I went to the front office and asked one nice secretaries there for a piece of school letterhead. I have no idea to this day what excuse I gave for needing one, but she happily complied. I then called my parents and asked to go to Dan's house after school. Knowing report cards came out that day, they said no. I disobeyed them (something I never, ever did), and went to Dan's house where we printed out a new report card on the letterhead with the same poor grades but sans comments.

Since disobedience from me was so rare, I got a slight punishment for that, but they completely believed my fake report card.

They never knew the truth and I will never tell them. I still can't believe I got away with it.

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Minath
Minath
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder how the parents would react many years later.

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#47

I've made it a point not to tell any friends I make or girls I begin to love since high school that I had a brother who died in a motorcycle accident with I was 15.

There's no good way to bring it up, it only kills good moods, and with girls they feel like they can't come to me with problems because generally it isn't as bad as losing a brother.

Opening yourself up can make dealing with things a lot easier. But in my experience if things don't work out the fall makes re-learning to be self sufficent at coping absolute torture.

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#48

How much of my school work throughout highschool was total b******t

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#49

I still love my ex

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Chewie Baron
Chewie Baron
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I still love my ex and he’s been dead 7 years. Still can’t get over him.

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