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50 Times People Found Things They Shouldn’t Have While Clearing Dead People’s Things
Interview
Few families have no secrets, but some members are better at keeping them than others. Some take said secrets to the grave, but what they leave behind might be enough for the information to come out.
Members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community recently discussed such information after u/WhoAllIll asked them what secrets were revealed when cleaning out the home of a deceased family member. Netizens shared stories covering all sorts of scenarios, ranging from bizarre to hilarious and even shocking. Scroll down to find them on the list below and see for yourself why some people kept their lips sealed until the end of their days.
Below you will also find insight on family secrets shared by the author of 'The Secret Life of Secrets', Sanford C. Bernstein & Co. Associate Professor of Leadership and Ethics at Columbia Business School, Michael Slepian, as well as thoughts from the OP, who answered a few of our questions in a recent interview.
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#1
this isn't 'cleaning out their home', but when my husband died a few years ago i found several notes/letters he had scattered in various places around our home, written to me in advance (he had terminal cancer & knew he was dying). some were marked 'open when you can't stop crying' 'open when the holidays are too rough' 'open when you have to put one of the cats to sleep'.
they didn't contain any secrets but they are heartbreakingly beautiful.
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#2
I'm African American and my husband is white. My father faced a lot of prejudice during his lifetime and I was terrified of telling him that the 'white guy' I'd been on a date or two with I was getting serious with. The first time I brought my now husband home, my dad was courteous but distant. Miraculously, by the second time my father literally gushed all over my husband. Even my siblings were shocked. When we got married, he was beaming. It was odd, but I was just happy my husband had won him over.
My mom died in 2014 and my father in 2021. When my siblings and I went to clean out the house, in his safe along with other important documents, we found letters that my husband had written to my father 24 years before about how he felt about me, how he was serious about his relationship with me, how he was planning to go to law school (he did, he's an attorney now) how he respected that he'd gone through so much in his lifetime, and eventually how he loved me and how with his blessing, he was going to propose. My husband never told me he'd written my father and my father never told me he'd been corresponding with my husband. It was so emotional finding those. I still tear up when I think about it. When I got home, my husband finally showed me the letters my father had written back.
#3
My grandpa died when he was 80 - his wife died 21 years before him she was only 55. He never really got over it.
When we were cleaning up his stuff we found an old simple birthday card written by my grandma for my grandpa a couple months before she died. On the back of the card, there were 21 lines written in pencil. Each year, my grandpa would write on the back of the card the date and the year of his new birthday. With a different small note beside it each year. Like, “miss you terribly this time”, or “you would have liked the weather today”.
All up to his last birthday. Broke my heart. The greatest love I’ve ever witnessed.
The OP told Bored Panda that they haven’t been in a situation of finding anything shocking about a deceased loved one themselves. The reason they decided to start the thread on such a topic was based more on their own life. “I was going through my own childhood stuff and wondered what picture it would paint of me if someone else was doing it,” they said.
#4
My dad kept a handwritten note in his wallet containing my mom’s old address, phone number, and directions to her house from when they first started dating in the 70s. He had moved it from wallet to wallet over the years. ❤️ He just died this past March and that was one of the first things we found.
#5
My uncle didn’t die of brain cancer which was communicated to the family. He died of HIV. He was gay, he was madly in love with his partner, and because his immediate family his partner was not allowed in the hospital to say goodbye. I inherited some of my uncle’s things. In it was a large stack of love letters from his partner. They were so in love, and hid it from everyone. It hurts.
The redditor shared that they were surprised about how many wholesome responses they received from the online community. That might be because, according to the author of 'The Secret Life of Secrets', Assoc. Prof. Michael Slepian, the most common reason for secrecy is protection.
“By keeping secrets, people often intend to protect their relationships, such as by protecting someone's feelings (not wanting to hurt someone) or by protecting one's reputation in the eyes of others (not wanting to look bad in front of others),” he explained in a recent interview.
#6
Grandpa did drawings of the faces of the people he killed in WW2. Nobody knows why but my grandma said he had a lot of guilt over the things he saw so my guess is he didn't want to forget them or didn't feel like he should be allowed to forget them.
#7
Cleaning out my grandpa's apartment we found different pieces of a handgun scattered around. He struggled on and off with depression, and apparently, he did it so that if he was thinking about taking his life, he would have to go find all the parts and give himself time to talk himself out of it.
#8
My brother found giant pickle jars of coins, mostly pennies, in our grandpas garage. Turned it into cash and it was nearly 400 dollars. He took everyone helping clean that day to my grandpas favorite restaurant for dinner. 🥰
Michael Slepian suggested that one of the reasons people often want to know someone’s secret is the natural curiosity to learn about the things that are hidden away. “We look at a wrapped gift for us under the Christmas tree, and we can't help but wonder what's inside,” he pointed out.
#9
Nan was rich af. She left 90% of her money to a dog charity. Didn't bother me but my cousins still haven't got over it.
#10
A diary with only a few entries from my uncle who lived alone. One of the entries was about how sad he was to have never met anyone or had children and how lonely he was. Broke my heart.
#11
My dad was in hospice at home for a couple months before he died of lung cancer, and when I went to clean out his house I found that he had already sorted and packed away most of his personal treasures in couple storage bins. It was heartbreaking all over again thinking of him sitting there packing up his own life knowing it was coming to an end.
The expert believes that it’s uncommon for a person to plan to take their secret to their grave; and even though their goal might be to keep a secret forever, sometimes they get discovered nevertheless.
“I've heard multiple stories now of people learning of their parents' secrets after they've passed away. One of the drawbacks of taking a secret to the grave is that there is absolutely no chance for the person who learns the secret to discuss it with the secret keeper.
“I recently learned of a secret my grandmother had been keeping—a family secret that involved me—and I wish she hadn't. She's passed away now, but if I had learned the secret sooner, I could have told her that her concerns were not warranted. I could have made her feel much better about it, if we had the chance to discuss it,” Slepian shared.
#12
My mother and her siblings found a still in my 91 yr old great grandmothers cellar. She always grew a huge potato crop. My little old Polish great-grandmother was making vodka apparently.
#13
Grandmother climbed Mt. Rainier, in WA, in a woolen skirt. Summit and all.
Korean Boi 1 year ago
how is this related to the title?? plz dont downvote me to hell bc I asked a question
#14
Found my grandparents wedding certificate, which didn’t match the date everyone else had. Their ‘original’ date was 9 months before my aunt was born. The certificate was dated about 5 months before she was born.
“Family secrets are among the most common kinds of secrets, and so it is perfectly normal to have a family secret that others who are outside the family don't know about. Keeping secrets from family members is also highly common,” the author of 'The Secret Life of Secrets' pointed out, adding that family life and relationships tend to get complicated; so does life, in general.
“If learning of a family secret is to drop a major bombshell into the family, it's likely family members will need to cope with the new information. One of the main reasons why our secrets so often hurt us is that we tend to not cope effectively with them, because we try to do it on our own without others' help. Healthy coping comes from discussions with trusted others. Discussing the information with others can make a world of difference.”
#15
That my dad hid money all over the house, not huge amounts mind you, but $60 here, $120 there. Felt like a bit of a scavenger hunt when we were cleaning out his stuff. He was always a bit of a sneakily generous guy, always gave me and my brothers a secret handshake with money tucked in his palm when we’d go back to school after a weekend home, etc, so wouldn’t be surprised if he’d done it intentionally. Made us smile every time we found some, iirc I think the final total was somewhere around $800.
EasyBreezyCataneze 1 year ago
Finding money even if smaller amounts is such a happy event. Brings smile everytime
#16
My 97 year old uncle had a very decent pot stash and pipe collection.
#17
My step-grandma had been married 5 more times than she told my grandpa she had been.
He was her 9th husband, not her 4th
#18
I found a hidden 38 revolver in my late stepfather’s bookshelf. Every bullet in the gun had the name Steve written in sharpie. No one had ever heard of him.
EasyBreezyCataneze 1 year ago
Maybe one of the bullets met the target. That's why no one has ever heard of him
#19
I'm a huge dorkus. Have worked in three comic shops. Have a huge collection. When the gf that would eventually become the wife and I moved into a house together, She flipped her s**t about how many long boxes of comics I had and the space they took up. Sports cards and binders of other non-sports cards... huge Magic the Gathering collection as well. We lived in that house for six years. Me and the son moved out after she passed away. As I was going through the closet my comics and binders of cards where in I found two small boxes that were NOT MINE... I found her collection of Pokémon cards and a full set of Nightmare Before Christmas cards. With her hand written notes on the set list. She had added her small collection of books to mine without me even knowing.
My wife was a secret nerd.
XanthippeⓐWulf🇨🇦️️🇬🇧 1 year ago
I don't understand this. Not in a judgemental way, but more curiously...ok first I'm going to digress and say it seems odd that you would reference your son as "the son" instead of "our son," but ok...mainly though, if "the wife" flipped her s**t about your collection why would she hide her collection? It seems like a hobby you both enjoyed and knew very well the other enjoyed, so why not geek out together? I'm a dork, my partner's a dork and together we are super dorks.
#20
After my Grandfather died, I asked my Dad to quietly go through his Dad's bedroom while I took my Grandmother out to lunch. I explained that GrandDad might have racy magazines about, that would be upsetting to GrandMa if she found them. So just, be a good son and save your Mom from that.
When we got back, my Dad was nearly hysterical, half laughing, half barfing, and pulled me into the garage to debrief. Apparently, my Grandfather was exactly the devout Catholic that he had appeared to be. And what my poor father had found in the bedside table was a stack of cheesecake pictures - of his own mother.
#21
Grandfather worked on the Manhattan Project as a master machinist. We didn't know until he passed away in 1993 when we found various specifications and directives written to him by Oppenheimer, Fermi, Teller and General Groves.
We all secretly knew he had thousands of dollars in cash hidden in his house. What we didn't know was how much and that each of us knew of different stashes. The one I knew about had about $9800. While cleaning out his house we discovered a total of $160,000+ . It was a helluva Easter egg hunt.
#22
My nan had about a platoon's worth of American servicemen photos tucked away...
#23
My dad passed away in 1994 (I was 28). While going through his safe I found some adoption papers. While reading through them I got excited at the prospect I might have a brother out there somewhere (I was raised as an only child) but couldn't understand why my parents never told me that they'd adopted a child but never told me. After rereading them, I realized that they papers were about me. After confronting my family about this turns out everyone - family, close friends, I mean everyone, knew I was adopted. Except me. That was a fun day.
Roger9er 1 year ago (edited)
I think it's better to be very honest about it to one's adopted child. They should tell them when they're young. People want to be protective (though this case might be about something else, you never know), but small children aren't just flexible in their bodies, but also in their minds. They can handle information better than we may think.
#25
We all knew this one uncle had a second family. We expected drama at the funeral.
No one was expecting his third family to show up. Wife. Three kids. This new family knew the rest of the family by name from pictures. How we are all related, names, hobbies. That was a wildly bizarre experience.
#26
Elderly aunt had a hidden room with staircase to basement area no one knew about. She and her son had a meth lab.
This was in the 90’s in Philly.
Blew us all away.
#27
Not mine, but happened in my old neighbourhood: some old dude died of cancer, his daughter and her boyfriend cleaned out a garage he was renting and found human body parts. The police got involved and it was revealed that the guy was a serial killer who murdered at least five women, though the exact number of his victims is unknown.
Ranger Kanootsen 1 year ago
F*****g imagine that!! I don't think I could live in that house afterward.
#28
My parents were getting back together.
Dad died at 50 of a heart attack, mom was devastated. Her health declined rapidly and she died at 49 three months later. I cleaned out both their homes and found calls, texts, and love letters. They wanted to be together again but didn't want to put their kids and grandkids through a reconciliation until they were confident it'd work out.
I knew she'd be devastated, they had been together almost thirty years, but they were two years divorced and casually seeing other people. They seemed to be thriving apart. So it was a shock when the grief was so strong that it took all the life out of her. She died of cancer, but the doctor also diagnosed her with Failure to Thrive brought on by the loss of my dad, and said that it may have been possible for her to live longer and even receive treatment if the Failure to Thrive hadn't taken everything she was before her cancer diagnosis.
The only thing worse than losing my dad was watching my mom live without him, so at the end of the day, I'm grateful she didn't live without him for long. She never would have had peace here again. She found her peace with him on the other side.
Katie Lutesinger 1 year ago
Obviously it's not really the same thing, but I once owned two pet rats who were brothers and had been together all their lives. When one of them died of cancer, his surviving brother just completely lost the will to live. He stopped eating, stopped wanting to interact with anyone, and just sat in a corner staring at nothing for hours on end. He appeared outwardly healthy right up until he suddenly just lay down and died. That was when I came to see that yes, it is possible to die of grief.
#29
My grandmother was secretly using medical marijuana. She asked me to help her get her card, and I took her to the dispensary when she wanted to go. The rest of the family found out when she passed away whn they found some edibles in her nightstand. Miss Her everyday.
#30
We found a box containing an old KKK robe in my grandpas closet after he passed. Apparently my great grandfather (his father) was a member of the Klan. So that’s a fun little snippet of family history we had absolutely no knowledge of. I believe my uncle took the robe and burned it.
#31
I, as a joke once, made thong underwear on a merch website with my cats face on them and my signature. The description just said “so you can wear my pussy on your pussy.” My friends found this hilarious and bought them up of course. I got numerous Snapchats of thong photos for a while…
We forgot about this for years.
My best friend passed away in a motorcycle accident last year. His family called me while cleaning out his house a month or so after… they were wondering why they found thongs with my signature in his closet.
I never thought I’d have to explain that one. Luckily, they thought it was incredible and we all shared some good laughs. 😅
#32
Note to self ... sell dragon dildo collection before dying...
#33
We knew my originally British, naturalized Canadian great-grandmother had been an enthusiastic amateur historian, who had been fascinated by Britain’s war with Napoleon - not for the least reason because she was herself tangentially related to the Duke of Wellington’s family, via a cousin’s marriage to his son’s nephew, or some connection equally obscure and tenuous.
What we *didn’t* know is that, likely in preparation for a book she never wrote, as a young woman she had actually interviewed several dozen elderly English, French and Spanish veterans about their experiences during that war - including three actual survivors of Waterloo (two English, one French), and an aide-de-camp to Spanish General Francisco Javier Castaños, at the time he handed the Napoleonic army its very first defeat in the field, and captured nearly 20,000 French troops at the Battle of Bailen (1808).
But there it was, stored in a wooden egg crate under her iron-framed bed, among old calendars, untested recipe clippings and copies of *Family Circle* magazine: a manuscript with nearly three hundred pages of transcribed military memoirs - all laid out in three languages (in which she was fluent) in her elegant, Spencerian hand.
My parents donated her manuscript to the Imperial War Museum, where no doubt it will never have human eyes laid on it again.
#34
A family friend (50s) was moving stuff from his mothers storage locker after she passed,opened a box of documents and inside was his adoption papers HE WAS ADOPTED!!! TURNS OUT his aunt who is significantly younger had a teen pregnancy and to avoid controversy at the time the newly married older sister just adopted him.
#35
Mine was confirmation of a wild story. My grandfather served in Korea, for years there was a tall tale about how he won a “house” in Korea, (unsure how to phrase this politely online) that it included the family who owned it and essentially anyone who worked there in a game of poker. That when he returned home, after a few years of receiving letters and small payments my grand mother told him to give the ownership back the the family.
I don’t think anyone really believed him when the story was told, over and over again, my grand mother died when I was young so couldn’t ask her if it was true.
When he passed away and we were cleaning out the house, we found the letters from the family and the letter from the lawyer gramps used to officially return ownership.
My grandpa owned a pleasure house in Korea, is a sentence that’s hard to say.
Thee8thsense 1 year ago
Pleasure is a subjective thing, so maybe saying he owned a bordello is better stated.
#36
That the city paid my mother $2,400 for the wrongful death of my father in 1979.
#37
I had a falling out with my father when I was 21. Fast forward 18 years when died, and I found stacks of pictures, notes, and articles about me. My stepmom said he was always proud of me, and didn't know how to say he was sorry.
#38
Cleaning out my grandparent's house after they passed away...
We found a booklet on sexual anatomy, a penis eraser, a penis that my grandma had crocheted and there were walnuts in the "nut sack", and a drawing my grandpa did of my grandma wearing nothing but a feather boa.
#39
Many years ago I went with my dad and aunt to clean out my great uncle’s apartment after he passed away. He was never married, no kids, and lived (we thought) very poor. Tiny apartment with a twin bed, table and chair, a couple of pots and pans, a couple pants& shirts, and that’s basically it.
As we stripped the bed and moved the mattress, we were shocked. He had hundreds of stacks of 10 dollar bills, wrapped in rubber bands, under his mattress. They were all 10 dollar bills. He lived during the Depression and didn’t trust banks, apparently, but we had no idea he had so much cash. He never spent it on anything. Just bundled it and saved it under his mattress. Some of the bills were so old and yellowed. It equaled thousands of dollars. We had no idea.
#40
My grandmother, we discovered, had a decent sized safety deposit box full of gold bars. She kept meticulous records of her finances and business dealings as she was a very successful author. Yet no record of the purchase or the existence of these gold bars was in any of her records. We have no idea of how, when or why they were acquired. I’d love to know.
#41
My uncle, who had been sober for about twenty years before his passing, had dozens of full bottles of liquor in his basement. He bought them over the time he was sober for and for some reason had them all stored neatly in boxes. One of his old service buddies said that he was probably buying them to honor the people he lost in Vietnam, as he stopped going to the VFW and events when he stopped drinking. He had a lot of survivors’ guilt.
Vasana Phong 1 year ago (edited)
My dad loved his alcohol, I wouldn’t say he was an alcoholic, he’ll drink a couple beers after work, then off to bed, but on special occasions he’ll get hammered from hard liquor, my mom would always him tell slow it down, he never listened, but told her he wouldn’t drink liquor anymore , when he had his stroke he had a lot of other health issues, he was paralyzed , mom took care of him, he passed a year after, when cleaning out his shed, she found so many bottles of hard liquor hidden
#42
I learned a lot about my grandma’s daughter from a previous marriage that she never talked about. She kept a shoebox full of letters and pictures.
#43
My grandmother hid 5k cash in her vacuum cleaner. Good thing I opened it to change the bag before I donated it. She also had a kitchen drawer completely full of the rubber bands from her daily newspaper delivery. Nothing else but those..
#44
They found out my Grandmother lied about her age to her second husband. Keep in mind this was the 1940s. Her age on her marriage license was 6 years younger than she actually was.
#45
Not really a secret but cleaning out my gay brothers sex toy collection in front of my father wasn't a lot of fun
#46
Coming from a conservative household it was incredibly shocking to find out my uncle was a deeply closeted gay man. Shocking but it made sense. He was always well groomed, nails manicured (no polish just really neat nails) impeccable classic style, he had a lot of friend who were girls but no girlfriends and no male friends.
#47
My great grandmother was one of survivors from a religious persecution in my home country.
She hid an old English Bible, translated Bible (all hand written in my native language), blood stained English dictionary (really old and bad conditon), cross pendants and etc.
A group of researchers paid my grand mother for the hand written Bible. It was a pretty interesting material for researchers to study my native language around late 1800s.
She did not want her children to be punished because of her action at that time, so majority of my family did not know about it.
David Paterson 1 year ago
A hand written Bible in a rare language - from the 1800s. That is so unexpected!
#48
My mom learned her dad has another family. We met them a few years ago.
#49
An atheist friend had prayer beads under his pillow and had left $ to the local mosque so he could have a Muslim funeral service.
#50
Grandma had multiple cats in freezers
What do you think ?
Lsai Aeon 1 year ago
I found a folder of my adoption. I always knew I was adopted, in fact, that's how my mother would introduce me "This is Lsai, she's adopted". No, what was surprising to me was the fact she told me all my life that nothing was known about my birth family, even after I found them, nothing was known about my birth father, etc. In the folder, I found letters to me from my birth mother's family, family history information, information about my birth, and a page about my birth father. I also found the evidence to prove to me, beyond the introductions my mother made of me, that she orchestrated every bit of the abuse I endured until her death, her telling family I was only to get certain things, I was only allowed one of this or one of that, that they weren't allowed to treat me like I was part of the family, etc. Not sure which is harder to find. That she commanded I be abused or that the family followed it.
Cat Palmer 1 year ago
That's horrendous, and I'm so sorry you had to experience that.
Load More Replies...
Powerful Katrinka 1 year ago
My parents had a child (Kit) who drowned a couple of years before I was born. My mom told everyone in the family that Kit had been buried in a tiny family cemetery on my great-uncle's land. I always knew that she had never really recovered from this loss, but none of us knew to what extent. When she died, 54 years after Kit, we found that she had kept his ashes the whole time. She stipulated in her will that her ashes should be mixed with Kit's and scattered in the oc
Powerful Katrinka 1 year ago
...scattered in the ocean. It was absolutely heartbreaking to learn that she had carried that weight of loss for most of her life. We did what she asked for.
Load More Replies...
Jessica Hobby 1 year ago
Grandmother (she passed in 2011) was a SUPER hoarder. Found a fox in her deep freezer with a note saying they found it dead on the property....dated from the 70s.
Lsai Aeon 1 year ago
I found a folder of my adoption. I always knew I was adopted, in fact, that's how my mother would introduce me "This is Lsai, she's adopted". No, what was surprising to me was the fact she told me all my life that nothing was known about my birth family, even after I found them, nothing was known about my birth father, etc. In the folder, I found letters to me from my birth mother's family, family history information, information about my birth, and a page about my birth father. I also found the evidence to prove to me, beyond the introductions my mother made of me, that she orchestrated every bit of the abuse I endured until her death, her telling family I was only to get certain things, I was only allowed one of this or one of that, that they weren't allowed to treat me like I was part of the family, etc. Not sure which is harder to find. That she commanded I be abused or that the family followed it.
Cat Palmer 1 year ago
That's horrendous, and I'm so sorry you had to experience that.
Load More Replies... Powerful Katrinka 1 year ago
My parents had a child (Kit) who drowned a couple of years before I was born. My mom told everyone in the family that Kit had been buried in a tiny family cemetery on my great-uncle's land. I always knew that she had never really recovered from this loss, but none of us knew to what extent. When she died, 54 years after Kit, we found that she had kept his ashes the whole time. She stipulated in her will that her ashes should be mixed with Kit's and scattered in the oc
Powerful Katrinka 1 year ago
...scattered in the ocean. It was absolutely heartbreaking to learn that she had carried that weight of loss for most of her life. We did what she asked for.
Load More Replies... Jessica Hobby 1 year ago
Grandmother (she passed in 2011) was a SUPER hoarder. Found a fox in her deep freezer with a note saying they found it dead on the property....dated from the 70s.
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