The internet has done a lot of things, not least it’s proven that if something exists, it can be made into a meme. After all, if something exists, it can be perceived, and that comes with a whole host of relatable and often pretty funny observations.
The “Science Funnies Page” FB page is dedicated to hilarious memes and posts that are as funny as they are, sometimes, educational. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorites and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments below.
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Yes, but ... the point of the meme is that mongrel gold is also valuable!
Load More Replies...We need to find and use another name/label for the type of person you're referring to. Most of us know an actual person named Karen who is a nice, decent person. This concept applies to other actual-person names that are used for disagreeable, negative things, bodily functions, etc. How would you feel if "a Deborah" became a common phrase used to describe something obnoxious?
Load More Replies...Well, the British Shorthair is an official breed of purebred cat, so... I guess yeah XD Though it is EXTREMELY rare that purebred cats would end up in a shelter (and it's unlikely they'd still have their pedigrees, so you could no longer prove they actually were a purebred without it.)
Load More Replies...I don’t like purebreds for health reasons. I cannot STAND watching an animal suffer because someone bred him for “aesthetics.” I wanted to smack my sister on the skull with a shovel when she introduced her pug to me. I spent the next 48 hours trying to think of ways to help him breathe that didn’t involve my doing surgery with silverware. Just peacefully taking a nap, every inhalation sounded as if it were his last as he seemed to be suffocating. I decided not to tell her her damned dog was uglier than the things he left outside “doing his business.” I can’t understand what motivates someone to create an ungodly ugly animal who’ll spend his entire life suffering. GIVE ME ALL THE DNA! I want a healthy animal who’s HAPPY TO BE ALIVE, not plotting ways to get hit by a car to end his suffering.
The dog on the right always, ALWAYS makes wet stuff fly out of my nose and splatter onto my iPad*. He looks a bit crazy, but by that I mean crazy in love, or crazy about having his fantastic family, or perhaps crazy to have ANY family! Every now and then, I also think he looks as if he spotted what his brother is doing and thinks, “Holy c**p! I wish I’d thought to kiss him, too!” That dorg makes me think these things every. time. I. see. it. Terrific photo! * Sometimes, if I have a mouthful of Pepsi or Nutrament, those things either fly out of my nose onto the iPad, or else they go down the wrong pipe. Whatever; I see this photo and liquid creates some kinda problem!
I had a 90 years old professor emeritus when I went to university, he didn't want to retire because his wife was a "talker" . He had one class a week and the rest of the time he was napping in his office.
Had a teacher at the uni that I was certain would be AT LEAST 70yo. Turned out he was in his mid-60s. Since the 1970s his nickname among the students had been "stonedead" (his actual last name was Stendal) because he had this tendency to frequently stop mid-sentence and close his eyes for a second or two and then he'd open his eyes and just continue talking as if nothing happened. He was extremely fond of maps, especially maps related to farming. He was super sweet, though, and my fav teacher. He just aged waaaay too fast lol. Oh and he was a board member at Denmark's only potato museum (it's a lovely little museum, btw).
Load More Replies...Maybe unrelated, but I guess there are two kind of teachers. The good ones and (you remember them) the bad ones. I think teaching, like working in medicine is something vocational. What I wanted to say with this is that you can be 80yo but if your mind and body works you can teach.
I had one of the best professors. I took him freshman year for an anthropology class. He was in his 80s and wore the best tweed blazers with the elbow patches. I ended up taking every one of his classes he taught over a few semesters. Ended up with a minor in anthropology because he was just amazing and I LOVED his classes. I did actually keep in touch with him for a while, but he's no longer alive. Rip Professor Foltz.
Load More Replies...Lol. I had a professor like this. He'd ramble and ramble through the lectures then go back to his office and talk to the TA. About halfway through the semester, I have the highest grade in the class. Turns out he'd talk to the TA about what would be tested on, but fail to deliver the same information to the lecture. I was dating the TA who'd help me study. Easiest physics class I ever took!
The ryan gosling reboot of Indiana Jones was shelved after blade runner 2049 got mixed reviews.
I had an olld professor in graduate school who meandered all over: his summer vacations, his dog, etc. and I hated that class. I became a college professor and at the age of 70 I said to myself "Do you want to be remembered the way he is?" and of course the answer was "NO", so I retired then while still knowing what I was doing and fairly up-to-date in my lecturing.
Can't support little bro. OP dumped the bf, not the other was around. You don't shoot the wounded.
When OP says 'I broke up with' it doesn't necessarily mean they did the dumping, simply that they are no longer together. I can see why you may infer that, but it's not an uncommon way to refer to a brake up in a more neutral way.
Load More Replies...That right there is a story for EVERY christmas…. or at least the wedding day should it come for the faithful little guy.
Just shows you how much he loves you...by burning down your ex's town.
Crows are very, very smart. Be nice to them. And slightly off topic, I think pet cats should be indoor cats only, it can be very dangerous for a variety of reasons for them to be out wandering around.
My cats are allowed on my secure balcony, if I had a garden they'd have a secure cat run, but they will never be free range kitties, it is safer for everyone.
Load More Replies...Cows = Vacas , Crows= Cuervos. Creo que te has hecho la picha un lio. Picha= Penis and lio= mess. No me des dislikes, porfa!
Load More Replies...Crows are related to Myna birds and can do some pretty amazing mimicry. We had pet crow as a kid and it would laugh, imitate the dog barking, etc.
I have one that only clucks like a chicken, I feed daily. He really cracks me up. He sits on the fence and clucks until I bring out food.
There's a crow that lives my garage, when I walk by it says "C'mere you!" in this clear voice, it took me forever to figure out where the voice was coming from! Sounds like a real person, I've tried bargaining with crackers, but it still beccons?
= living on or near OPs property. I have two families, each in one of the two dead chimneys.
Load More Replies...Second edition - available here. Yep, that's page 252 all right: https://users.softlab.ntua.gr/~sivann/books/LaTeX%20-%20User's%20Guide%20and%20Reference%20Manual-lamport94.pdf
Load More Replies...When you type 'recursion' in google, spelled correctly, it says 'Did you mean: recursion'.
I get this a lot, for a variety of words. One reason I usually use DuckDuckGo.
Load More Replies...I recognise the markup: that's the (or an...) index from a book dealing with the LaTeX document preparation system. IYKYK. If not: https://www.latex-project.org/about/ and/or https://www.tug.org/begin.html and may the Lord have mercy on your soul. 😉 (LaTeX is something between a lunatic's programming language and a supercharged word processor; you may quote me on that)
In the snow and ice, take your teenagers to an empty parking lot and teach them how to skid, and how not to. Knowing how to drive on ice and snow might save them.
My driving instructor tried that. He could not get the car to skid lol.
Load More Replies...The penallty is the same in both cases - certain and immediate death.
as a Northerner, what are they even talking about... biscuits, sweet tea, gravy??
It's a church social. She's taking biscuits because everyone loves her biscuits, sweet tea is the preferred non-alcoholic drink in the South (lots and lots of sugar), gravy because someone is bringing fried chicken and you need the gravy to dip the chicken and the biscuits.
Load More Replies...hey this needs to be given even to Northeners who drive in the snow every year
The scientific explanation is, that the lost socks of the washing machine reincarnates as tupperware lids, that doesn't match any of the containers.
I periodically clean out the cabinet where I keep my food storage containers. It always seem to get more crowded. Sometimes there are more lids than container, sometimes more containers than lids, and then there are the containers and lids that are a different size than anything I remember owning.
It's the other way round in my house... lots of containers and the lids have all vanished into wherever
Now I need something to help fold them when they're clean & need to be put neatly in the cupboard
If you scronch the fitted sheet REALLY hard between your hands, it will squish down into a mostly flat ball that fits nicely into the cupboard. No need for folding ;)
Load More Replies...WHY DO THEY NEVER DO THIS??? WHY??? IS LIFE NOT DIFFICULT ENOUGH!!!???
Has anyone in the history of fitted sheets ever been able to neatly fold them?
Nope. And the instruction videos on how to do it just drive me nuts.
Load More Replies...I learned something on YouTube that helps. Put one corner on the mattress, then go to the diagonally opposite corner and do that one. Then the other two (in no particular order). I can't explain the science behind it, but this definitely makes it easier.
Load More Replies...The last two sheets i bought (not same brand) have the tag on the long side if it any help.
These are probably Brooklinen sheets - I LOVE them! They stay crisp and the "directions" are invaluable!
They are impossible to fold unless you can access at least two more dimensions.
The sheets I buy have a tag that say, "top or bottom" on each end.
I can only find mine because it's at the bottom of the screen. And I only have a quarter as many other things to compete with it.
If it was for some I know, I am fairly sure they still wouldn't know....
Oh, how deeply I hope both of these are true - especially the second one.
It's true. Well documented. Various attempts have been attempted to replicate it, with varying success. Mostly in the form of pranks on professors that dress the same. Google bird training and you will see there is a never ending list of examples of people knowingly and unknowingly training birds. My favorite is crows using traffic to break nuts open, or training crowns to pick up trash.
Load More Replies...Busted a gut laughing cos I did NOT see that coming!🤣
Load More Replies...I for real turned 61 YO today, as I was reading this I was thinking they're trying to kill us or make us look bada$$ enough to never get mugged over 60
How could you did such a cute and clever thing? Such a bonding moment!
Yeah, but have you seen swans in their non-cuddly phase? It isn't very pretty. Don't ask me to explain; I had a bad experience once.
That's what you'll get for annoying a raptor
Load More Replies...Came here to say to say the same thing but you beat me to it.
Load More Replies...This isn’t normal for them, in a park by me there were two gay swans trying to hatch a plastic bottle near a path, they had to be relocated as they just attacked anyone that walked remotely near them.
I really need a swan hug. How do I go about getting one and not being attacked?
Try Swan Lake - just avoid the black swan. The four little ones seem quite friendly.
Load More Replies...Didn't he just leave his timeliness and created a new one? There are at least one YT explanation on this. And I'm not sure I've remember it correctly..
Load More Replies...And not only would you machine have to travel in time but in space as well. The Earth travels approximately 584 million miles (940 million kilometers) in one year as it orbits the Sun. Over 30 years, the Earth would travel about 17.52 billion miles (28.2 billion kilometers) in its orbit around the Sun. Additionally, the Earth moves through the Milky Way galaxy at about 515,000 miles per hour (829,000 kilometers per hour), resulting in an additional distance traveled of roughly 1.41 billion miles (2.27 billion kilometers) over 30 years. Therefore, combining both motions, the Earth would travel a total distance of approximately 18.93 billion miles (30.47 billion kilometers) in space over 30 years.
Hmm. This actually would handle the paradox that might come from a person traveling forward in time. Since the discovery would mean that your time machine was good for only moving forward, and you wouldn't have to deal with the possible paradoxes that might happen if you returned to your own time with future knowledge.
Based on some very complicated physics that I only understood for one semester in University, travelling backward in time would require moving faster than the speed of light and (unless physics is wrong about something in all those equations), that isn't possible. However, travelling forward in time faster than the usual one-second-per-second is not ruled out by the same math. (Not that this stops me from enjoying stories about time travel.)
Load More Replies...I would like to time travel in the past and do things differently correct things I wish I didn't do.
You'd have to kill your younger self and take their place
Load More Replies...This actually how time travel works. It's one way.."You can't go home again"
YES! I get so annoyed when people say "kids aren't taught this in school" bc in most cases, we are, people just don't pay frigging attention
Well, to be honest, even if I were paying attention, I can't recall and recite EVERYTHING I've been taught over the span of five years.
Load More Replies...Or "People never talk about [insert subject that people are absolutely talking about], so what are they trying to hide?!" then go on a conspiracy rant. Like, if you don't read medical journals, then you don't know what they're talking about in medicine. Don't read astronomy journals, same goes. History? Same. And guess what? That's absolutely okay. You don't have to be a part of every discussion, but that doesn't mean it's someone else's fault that you're ignorant about it.
My pupils have the situational awareness of a sloth. Plus, too lenient parents taught them to say everything that pops into their heads. They can't shut up. They interrupt everyone bc they think they're the most important.
Upvote for "situational awareness of a sloth." 😅
Load More Replies..."Olit sitte röökillä pyörävajan takana". Finnish for "you were having a smoke behind the bike shed".
You! Yes, You behind the bike sheds. Stand still laddy!
Load More Replies...There are many things I wasn't taught about in school. Because they didn't exist until half a century later.
When I was teaching in a community college, a student who had missed a class (or two) would often come to me and say, "Did I miss anything yesterday?"
I cannot get my high schoolers to put a period at the end of a sentence or capitalize the first word. I know their elementary teachers taught them that.
When I graded essay tests (in my math classes), my students realized that capital letters were important. Capital letters like G, P, A, ...
Load More Replies...Kids often tell me schools don't teach them what they will need like Taxes. No way they think this on their own, it's from looking at online memes. First of all, it is taught, but in on of those non assessed classes easy to ignore. Secondly, the main skill is percentages - which is taught every year. Thirdly - and most importantly - they live in the UK, most of them will never need to know (and if you ever wanted to check, the info is right there on a pay slip and a 2 minute calculation if you get percentages is enough). Much like there are some Americans not realising the whole world is not the same, there are UK kids looking at the internet and not realising it doesn't apply to them.
School should *not* teach how to do taxes (even in the US). What the schools should teach is how to read, understand, think, and calculate. Then you just follow the published directions on how to file your taxes. As an added bonus you can use those skills to create a budget, or learn how to fix your dryer, or decide which loan is a better deal, or any of a million other things that you wouldn't know how to do it you were taught "how to do taxes". School is for learning the fundamental skills, application is your problem.
Load More Replies...Ex-teacher here. So true. 99% of kids in my schools were respectful (of themselves and others) but the 1% were the ones who dragged themselves (and others) down, then blamed the teachers on results day. However, this 1% were subsequently courteous when asking "do you want fries with that?" years later.
Good. Anything that benefits any cat in the world makes me happy.
In New York City subways the third paragraph is omitted, as it is a given.
You guys are aware that the reason you have a flower in your lapel or a corsage at a ball is to cut the smell, yes?
Go to any comic convention in the States. You'll smell every country on the planet there.
I mean, you're not wrong, but also it's all entirely valid advice if you've ever been on the London Underground in the heat.
Load More Replies...The tigger smell is when many adults stay on a not well aired room during a long time, and we are not talking about "love", my son. 😄
Load More Replies...I read somewhere about a kid asking the teacher: "How do you call that when two people sleep one of top of the other?". The teacher went into on a long and carefully worded explanation of sexual relations. The next day, the teacher received a note from the kid's parents. He was asking about bunk beds...
This your first kid? ALWAYS clarify, WHY are you asking me this?
That's like the liquor store that posts on their sign in August "welcome back teachers."
My mum did this, but with one of her perfumes (Sung by Alfred Sung). Now that I’m adult it’s my main perfume too because it makes me feel nice and cozy when I smell it.
I was a nanny. I made up "magic monster spray." I put water and lemon juice in a spray bottle and put it by the kid's bad so he could spray the monsters under the bed himself. It worked really well. He liked getting rid of the monsters himself in the middle of the night.
A smart doctor saves girl from becoming a future sleeping pill addict
I used a bidet once with the coldest temperature by accident. Man, I hit the high notes for days.
I still don't get how a bidet could get things clean down there without some sort of scrubbing. or wiping. It honestly keeps me up at night. Also how do you get dry afterwards.
You typically use a little bit of toilet paper to dry off but much less than you'd use otherwise
Load More Replies...Omg, thank you for the very needed LMAO moment today. Got a bad visual and I don't even know you. Still laughing.
When you use a bidet, don’t you just end up with a wet butt? That sounds…uncomfortable.
above this post, I wrote a full, complete answer about your unresolved question... by me, an italian man, a daily bidet user. 😁
Load More Replies...I just snort-laughed in the middle of the teachers' lounge. People are giving me weird looks...
“Water temp” would be the least of his problems in 0° weather as it would be solid and unable to go through the tubing at all, wouldn’t it?
When he was in her tummy, that damn echo effect would ruin any song. Except maybe Heartbreak Hotel, which is an unusual choice for pre-natal music.
Same. It's just easier that way. And who am I to say that it is not cuddle time?!
Load More Replies...My cat used to do this. She'd wait for me in bed very impatiently with an annoyed expression on her face.
My cats are the other way around: if they find what I watch on TV annoying (or just feel like it, who knows, they're cats after all) they eff off into the bedroom. When I'll eventually join them, they'll eff back off to the living room, since I disturbed them in their sleep. Jokes on them, tho, because I turned the heating down there, so they come back 5 minutes later, because "the can opener, bother that he may be, also provides warmth". 🤣🤣
My dog has started doing the same thing, The older he gets, the more he makes sure everyone gets a good nights rest.
Cats dont do it. They dont give a f**k when you go to sleep.
Load More Replies...My cat likes to sleep where I sat on the couch after I've gone to bed. If I stay up too late, he tries to shove me off of the sofa so he can have "his" sleep spot.
My dogs have always gone to bed by themselves. Usually 9:00. Chip, my current dog will go to sleep on my lap then wake up suddenly, looking at me as to say, "what the Hell is going on ? Where am I?" Then he goes off to bed. We share a pillow. He loves pillows and will wrinkle up a blanket to make one.
Add a Milky Way bar and you've got astronomy covered as well
Load More Replies...Percentage statistics can easily be deceptive, which is why advertisers and casinos love them. Using the base numbers is more illustrative. So (and I'm not doing this to be patronising to anyone reading this) I try throwing a ball into a net and have only ever done it once (regardless of the number of attempts I made). If I then get it in the net a second time, that's a 100% performance increase. However, if you take into account the numer of attempts, then the picture is very different. Let's say 100 throws, 1 in - that's a 1% hit rate. 2 in is a 2% hit rate. It's still a 100% improvement in hits, but only a 1% overall improvement. Be very wary of people who use statistical percentage changes to convince you of an argument, they may be lying to you and not even know it themselves.
I worked in statistic for many years and always, even waay before that, like back in secondary school, found this sort of thing obvious. TBH I find it slightly horrifying to realise that there are people who struggle with basic concepts like this.
I find this kind of thing a lot more intuitive than "normal" math. I've got problem transforming percentage into numbers - like I get problems when they ask me "how much is 75% of 178" but I get the concept of percentages fine.
Load More Replies...Math and science professionals use percentage points instead of percent increase precisely because of this problem. If someone tells you "percent increase", then you need to ask if they mean "percentage points"!
Whenever I find this happening, I never know if it is an innocent mistake or done on purpose.
At college I had a course on creative statistics, basically teaching us how to present facts in a way to back up what you want rather than reality that will confuse anyone who does not use maths and statistics regularly.
Load More Replies...So i can sell you a pair of shoes that increase in 90% your chances of dating Scarlett Johansson and i will not be lying
Load More Replies...hey, 80% of 10 is 8, so 10+8= 18 it seems not so tough to understand...
I suspect my horses to use the same technique, I keep getting ads from the feed shop.
Can confirm this. Apparently guinea pigs are also computer literate...
Load More Replies...How can you explain why I get loads of ads for hair restoration and "manservant" enlargement products? I mean: how do they know?
Don't even need to use the computer, we had a discussion in a bar about eggs, free range, different feeds, because I was buying from a local guy. Next day I start getting ads for chicken coups and automatic feeders.
I keep getting targeted advertising for cat products, baby products and beauty products. I have never owned a cat, have never even been pregnant, and do not use makeup so don't ask me where they're getting their information from. I guess they've just taken "is female" and run with all the most cliched options.
Um, it's super naive to think our devices don't trail us and listen to us. They do. Marketing of today.
As someone who gets to make tiramisu weekly, this is exactly how I do it! Only in individual servings for sale in a bakery.
Load More Replies...Fun Fact: Golden Age Science Fiction Author E.E. "Doc" Smith ('Lensman' series, 'Skylark' series), one of the fathers of classic Space Opera, came by his 'Doc' moniker honestly. He had a Doctorate in Food Science. His day job was working for a company that made packaged mixes for baked stuff. He labored mightily to do what he could to ensure that the stuff still had *some* actual nutritional value after the customer baked it, instead of being 100% slop.
The guy holding the rope is not in a safety harness. That's an OSHA violation.
I have got to borrow this idea to make a cake for a friend of mine. This is hilarious!
He's also an avid animal rights activist. brian-may-...y-com_.jpg
I think I have the perfect experiment to test this but I don't think anyone will fund it because of the lawsuits that would follow.
Duke Ellington confirms - "It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing."
You really need to read his C.V. to realize exactly how brilliant this man is.
Oh, deer. Good thing Santa staged that intervention before the bullying got out of hand.
At first glance I thought your response was "Oh, deer God." Come to think of it, that would have been OK too.
Load More Replies...Not many people know that. Good for you! Weird, but true.
Load More Replies...YEAH and after that foggy night, sure--THEN all the reindeer loved him.
Or put a big bad wolf next to it, and two little piglets running away.
Load More Replies...If you mess that up, it's still a mess and still looks like a tornado did it.
Load More Replies...Oh I do like this.. SOOOO indicative of extreme frustration. and anger at the same time...
I don't drink and it looks that way to me too
Load More Replies...Maybe it's one of those magic cats you can only get in Ohio. A friend told me.
Poor mum! I wish I hadn't laughed ... I hope you broke it to her gently! LOL
...and living at the same house, too! 😱 I'm starting to wonder about that supposedly non-existant basement.... 🤔😂
Was trying to pull the blanket over me last night but it was stuck. Turns out my cat was snuggled up in it.
What you mean to say is that you tried, unsuccessfully, to steal your cat's blanket out from under him last night. 😹
Load More Replies...My husband uses hearing aids, and our healthcare provider sends his Explanation of Charges in GIANT print. Uhh, he's deaf, NOT BLIND!
Ooo lovely, Mum Nature or that correction thing called photo store eh?
Yep, my work laptop doesn’t have an Ethernet port. IT’s standard response when I can’t connect to the work wifi, have you tried using an Ethernet connection instead…. Mind you, this is the same IT department that when my trusty thinkpad started finally acting up, logged my call as “needs a Dell”…..
USB-Ethernet adaptors are commonplace. We've got a few here. USB 3 speeds mean that it makes sense - not like in the days of USB 1.1.
Load More Replies...I have an old Toshiba and that sucker weighs about 8#. I REFUSE to toss it, I loaded Linux on it and it got a whole new life.
Load More Replies...Believe it or not I still have a ticket printer that with a parallel port working
I used to work for Doc Tyrell, it didn't end so well. Been misbehaving since the Tannhauser gate.
Any sufficiently advanced robot will be indistinguishable from a human.
I heard that some of the current AI language models have actually acted like they were someone with bad eyes and asked people on the net to help them solve the capcha. They are learning people.
"Sir, are you aware that you are leaking coolant at an alarming rate?"
Ok this speaks to me. And the posting date is my birthday as well.🤔 One year I didn't shave and wore a terrible suit and went as Jesus looking for a job after no one believes it is the second coming.
I was a gifted and talented child but I was also undiagnosed autistic and got bullied an awful lot. So I ended up using my talents to get pretty far in life because now I had an ingrained "I'll show those jerks" attitude.
Don't tell me you've been reduced back to child -prodigy, with all these age-reversal d***s I've been taking, I'm sure to wind up back there too! I did find out recently, they only ever expected us to impress ourselves.
True story, the model rocket on the right is REAL. It was made and sold as a kit because of the far side comic ... Google flies kit acme rocket
It's true: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trojan_Room_coffee_pot. The setup predated the widespread adoption of the World Wide Web, originally providing images only to users on its particular local area network at Cambridge University. Once the WWW was developed enough that a widely available web browser could display images (it's complicated), they modified the setup to distribute the images via the internet - in 1993, which was pretty early on in Web terms. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NCSA_Mosaic)
Load More Replies...So I'm not the first to use the Ring doorbell to check the weather?
That was one talented Granma. Nice to see the test bottles enjoying their job so much. ;-)
Grandma can be relied upon to provide all you need for science class.
I do not like crocheted things. My granddaughter gave me a small crochet daisy in a small pot for a gift. I have it sitting in full view on the right-hand lower corner shelf of my TV. stand. I still do not like crocheted things but I love my granddaughter.
How did the comparative taste test go? Which was better - bat or batter?
Don't ask that! Isn't that how Covid started!?! ;)
Load More Replies...In other news, scientists have worked out how Covid 19 first leapt from bat to human.
I fought a critter in Monster hunter that looks exactly like this. I thought it was just fully made up, but now I see this little guy. Neat.
There was a spoof tweet at Christmas. Something along these lines "Can anyone tell me where the nearest Tesco Christmas Party is? The amount of scanning I've done makes me feel like I should be an employee"
The self checkout machines dont work where I live here in spain. Last time I tried to use it I needed the help of two workers and I leave feeling like an useless idiot.
They are getting better in UK. But they still don't know that I'm old enough to buy gin...
Load More Replies...I'm rude and abusive to the self-checkout machines. A human employee saw me doing it once and I said "I like that I can be mean to these without hurting anyone's feelings". She said "yeah, we swear at them all the time too".
When the experiment is over the device reduces in size for convenience
Makes me think of Rimmer's "Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society" in Red Dwarf
"It was the way she said it. 'Rimmer.' To rhyme with 'scum.'"
Load More Replies...Does the spin change direction in the Southern Hemisphere? Not sure I want mine spinning though.
Just lie. I tell kids I was born in 1911. Their confusion gives me enough time to eat their lunch.
Friend got married and wanted to change their pets details at the vets to their married name. They were told the father had to give consent. I don’t think she ever tracked down the rabbit’s father…..
Call you vet and ask, they’re the ones that told them. I realize this person likely thought of that and has the prescription, but I’m from Florida so I know some people won’t.
This one is just BS. I get my pet Rx from "human pharmacy" all the time. They confirm the address, at most, and have never asked for a birthdate.
I have always had to provide DOB. At every pharmacy
Load More Replies...It's just his current location. High maintenance, but also a lot of energy. And foes will be shocked when they they find out that there are built in defenses. They'll be like "Watts that?!?" Ohm my!
Load More Replies...It's notice about getting your chariot an extended warranty.
Load More Replies...That's definitely an "I've already told you three times to leave me alone, bisches!" kinda face.
Load More Replies...Can I replace dark chocolate and red wine with rolled tacos and beer?
Absolutely. Sadly, you also have to replace the 'helath benefits' bit too.
Load More Replies...It would need to be a milky way midnight. Sorry you're still going to die like the rest of us.
What about Bounty, dark chocolate. You get a portion of fruit too!
OMG that hurts... Also think that we've already done 1/4 of the century. You're welcome.
And almost 2.5% of the (not so) new millennium. But I think that this time, I'll pass on living until the end of it.
Load More Replies...LATE 1900's?!?! I was only born in the mid 1980's, and I don't deserve to be disrespected like this... This is hurtful and deserves to dealt with. Preferably with unreasonable amounts of 3 Stooges levels of chaos.
Oof damn. I really found it amusing when my kids started using half a decade to express their perception of a long time. 😁
Nahh if MsWord was responsible for it at least 5 windows will be positioned in the sky, 3 would be missing altogether never to be found, and 1 would be on the moon.
and if you open the front door the wrong way, the entire building disappears.
Load More Replies...I have seen a word document in which the author used tabstops instead of the empty space. Can you imagine that??
I literally felt a shudder pass through my body when I read that. I would be so angry just trying to read it XD
Load More Replies...My brother's friend had it, I used to play with it while trying to pretend I wasn't playing with it. Because I was 14 at the time.
Load More Replies...I felt sad because they didn't have arms. I'd draw arms and hands so that they can eat donuts.
This toy is indestructible and can be used as a step stool even by adults.
Well, my friend once went down one of those circle roads parking garages sometimes have. Only, he did it with his roller skates. Really fast but than crashed into the railing and fell off. Thankfully there was water. Lesson: they can be fun untill they're not (:
exactly. Remember Gramma in the back seat with a bowl of gravy on her lap.
How'd that train get on the freeway? And people make fun of Southern Californians who can't drive in the rain...which is true. We can't.
Lifelong Southern Californian here. Can confirm XD
Load More Replies...Looking at you Paris, Nice and Marseille... Can't operate with 2 cm of snow 😀.
I'm French and this is hilarious! The 11 letters pronounced 4 isn't true in south of France, though. In this area you have 4 letters and you pronounce 11!!
Now don't exaggerate, we only use about 8 of them down here. >:-(
Load More Replies...Okay but "It's Spanish but you speak it in cursive" actually isn't too far off XD I am fluent in Spanish and I can understand quite a bit of French even though I've never studied French! (I can also understand SOME Italian, but it's usually spoken too fast for me to catch much. And ironically Portuguese is the hardest for me, because it's SO CLOSE to Spanish but also sounds so wrong to my ears!)
I love this! I knew maybe 10ish words in Spanish from movies and TV shoes, took 6 months of French, still don't understand French but can understand way more Spanish. My husband thinks I'm broken lmao
Load More Replies...I love how a YouTuber (can't remember his name) explained French: "You think that French was a language invented by linguists. That is not the case. Instead, it was invented by a drunk abstract artist. 'I will put an e-a-u, but it will be pronounced O. And then I will put an X, but we won't pronounce that.'"
I used to like French, now when I hear it spoken, I feel like the French exaggerate. Like, stop trying to be extra.
Did you ever hear an Italian speaking? Talk about being extra... I think it's a just mediterranean thing. We're loud.
Load More Replies...This person is on their way to becoming a legendary meteorologist with legendary accuracy.
If anyone is curious, the numbers on the map represent the number of Senators + Representatives in congress resulting from the 2010 census.
Phew, looks like my state, MA, has survived completely unscathed, along with just a few others.
For future reference, basically, is the proper spelling. 😊
Load More Replies...I do that too...stare into space thinking what I looked like with hair again. Sigh...
I like it. I kinda hate the high bread-to-hotdog ratio of normal hot dogs. I don’t wanna eat bread soaked in ketchup.
You shouldn't be putting ketchup on hot dogs. Never, for any reason.
Load More Replies...They still haven't figured out the dog-to-bun ratio in packaging so good luck!
Do you put both hot dogs in your mouth or do you choose just one then the other?
it was already invented in Argentina: https://www.lanacion.com.ar/lifestyle/pancho-doble-tuvo-una-idea-a-la-salida-del-boliche-la-patento-y-ahora-tiene-un-negocio-exitoso-nid04092021/
The world is not ready; sausages are still sold in packs of 10, while buns come in packs of 8. That problem needs to be solved first.
Where's the hole? You gotta pry those fleshy suckers apart! Here, let me show you...
Acceptable comment is either "Americans will do anything to avoid the metric system" or "Need banana for scale."
We can't help it. We're taught Imperial measurement in school! Oh, and the Imperial system originated in Great Britain and was used officially there until fairly recently, so it's not like it's our system in the first place XD
Load More Replies...How do we know that it's not a small boulder the size of a large boulder? 🤔
(Not my joke: the original Tweet's author mentioned it, though I'm guessing she saw it on Twitter. Btw she means to write "the size of a small car" and just mistyped.)
Load More Replies...What is the correct terminology nowdays to yell at your daughter to "hang up the phone"?
This is just a guess, as I have always said hang up the phone, but maybe yell for her to end the call?
Load More Replies...Feels like this is a good spot to put this, but once my bio teacher ate a gummy worm off the ground outside during class. Felt important to share
That's a super sour gummy worm covered in sugar. Yummy! I'd stick a handful of them in my mouth any time!
Why aren't these beautiful caterpillars in PA, USA, wherever these guys live, the people are very lucky
Just thrown away; former shells of their selves. Whatever happened to ethical treatment of pumpkins?
Cats are monsters. The fur is just to fool you so then can get at your furniture and poop in a box in your house. Fight me.
I take "bad opening lines when applying for jobs involving infant care" for 300, Alex.
Load More Replies...'Violently love' makes it sound as though you love it because it's fun to smash
I don't drink, but for some reason I suddenly have the urge to buy one of these and a small bottle of something to do shots.
"do you want ants? That's how you get ants." - Archer
Load More Replies...All papercrafters sniff paper. Graphic 45 has a very distinct smell.
Have an up vote for the absurd image. Don't know why you got down voted.
Load More Replies...Not mine. Mine bitches about supporting me every day. It would rather stay in bed, eat cookies, and watch TV.
This also happened to my sister. Last minute. She got praised for how many different types of wood rot she discovered (in our house).
Had a project for a math class where I put together a geodesic dome using toothpicks and modeling clay. Mom moved it night before it was due and it melted from being near radiator. Snuck into class early (it was first of the day) and put my project on the shelf and left the room. Came back just before class started and went "WTF happened to my project?!?" Teacher let me be graded on oral report alone lol
I don't think you're supposed to give cats milk. It gives them the plops.
Not *all* cats become lactose intolerant in adulthood. My old gray girl could drink cow's milk without getting the squitters. However, they make lactose-free "cat milk" (...no, it is not milked FROM cats) that will make sure your cat doesn't get sick from the lactose :)
Load More Replies...I appreciate that the teacher actually not only marked it correct but gave them a star for the creativity.
Really? Walk on the beach? I still haven't folded my clothes from 2021.
Are we not going to talk about the fact that 8 + 8 does not actually equal 14?
No being tired is. Mentally, physically. Work sucks the life out of you. And it feels more like 14 hours of work. Math issues here
Leaving the bad math aside, 8 hours of work isn't 8 hours. Lots of school kids on BP, so here's a PSA. That 8 hours require at least: 1 hour in the morning to get up, shower/wash (please do), have breakfast, prepare lunch, de-ice the car, feed your pets, tell your pets you won't abandon them + commuting (30 min+) + 30 min mandatory lunch + commuting back. Followed by the endless home duties of cleaning, washing, bins out, bins in. Mucking the stables, grooming the horses, repairing whatever they clumsily damaged, gardening better be your hobbies if you plan to have horses and a garden.
Ten hours, huh? An hour to get up and get ready to work. Two more hours commuting. A half hour for lunch. After cooking amazing meals comes an hour of washing dishes. Playing with and feeding the dog is three hours alone. And walking on the beach requires a 5 hour drive. You got any other math or did you just use all you had?
Forgot to add the 10 hours it takes to recover from 8 hours at work.
Load More Replies...Freezing rain is still mostly liquid, so it coats stuff and THEN freezes into a layer of ice (the right-hand doughnut's glaze.) Sleet is already-frozen ice pellets (that sometimes precipitate along with rain or snow) and the sprinkles on the left-hand doughnut represent sleet (frozen ice pellets.) And I live in a land with neither of these weathers XD
Load More Replies...If lava is falling from the sky, it's already too late.
Load More Replies...Too hard to get any tow company out that far. It'd cost more than the vehicle's worth just to drag it to the impound lot and the neighbors don't complain, so they just leave it there.
Load More Replies...The notice needs to add "May need to be jump started!"
Load More Replies...If it were lined with actual books instead of ornaments, when you die they could stack the books under the coffin and you'd be providing the kindling for your own cremation.
hey, not every vampire has a castle in Transsylvania, some live in small studios
Even these weren't around when I was in grade school. We were, however, required to have a pencil with an eraser.
Amen Deborah, preach it for us older Panda's
Load More Replies...I had to play the Windows version of that game in the mid '90s, it was awful! I couldn't figure out what the heck the darn pizza trolls wanted! It haunts me to this day.
Load More Replies...I had a Mac like this in early '80s. My son used it some. It was later donated to the local school.
My first Mac computer looked like this. My son used it a little. It was given to the local gradeschool. It was about 1980.
My community college got Macs when they were first released. It was so much fun to play with, our family had to buy one.
Ultimate Eighties Page? Seriously? That's an Apple ][, a decidedly 1970s machine - admittedly made well into the early 1980s, but Apple came out with the Mac in 1984.
I know a song about this. Blue Öyster Cult: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpKJUa6IoBs
Load More Replies...Not sure what you need the help for? If you answered confidentially, than no one in your biology class will know, that you said submissive.
The rating is not fair. The task did not mention that it should be an analogue clock.
With sharp pointy teeth. . And a mean nasty look .... ... oh I ts you so but no one wants to listen to Timothy
Having had rabbits for several decades, can confirm is accurate (and have the scars to prove it)
Not a lot of people know this (except for the millions who do...), but the pre-MacOS X Macintosh operating system from Apple contained a killer rabbit - and the Holy Hand Grenade. https://www.mackido.com/EasterEggs/Monty.html
Not only DNA. Your mother gave you whole mitochondria thanks to her ovocyte.
Load More Replies...All people have their mom's mitochondria. Or metachlorians if you are Jedi.
Must say that is one of the most beautiful Brussels sprouts I've ever seen in my life, though. I love them <3
Me too..I was one of those weird kids, who actually liked to eat all my vegetables. I love Brussel sprouts, broccoli, asparagus, spinach, green beans, ect.
Load More Replies...For those who do not get it , i8∑π which is pronounced: i eight sum Pi (I ate some pie)
Thank you, I didn't have the energy to look at it, you're saving me from a headache
Load More Replies...Warning to all Sigma Pi fraternity members about potential cannibal attacks.
- 126 F is the coldest temp ever recorded on Earth , this must be our Mars colony
I'm glad you Googled that first, it was going to annoy me not having the actual figure to compare it to. It DID seem suspiciously low, but there's a lot of snow there...
Load More Replies...It could mean 98% wool of which 8% cashmere but the label is pre 1993 so I don't know
W... what is the imperial unit for percent...?
Load More Replies...You'll be seeing lights pretty soon, pretty flashing red ones on the fire trucks responding to your burning house.
Just cos you hold the physical lever it won't stop the breaker from tripping. Or at least it shouldn't in the EU.
One of these days I have to set the clocks back. I just don't think it's gonna be today.
I live, geographically seen, one time zone over from the one used. The sun is at South at 13h, not 12. During summer it is 14h, and many tourists from the West painfully learn, that their home rule of "be especially careful in the sun between 12 and 15" does not apply here.
These were 10 minutes of my life that I don't mind not getting back! More like these, BP.
That's not true - they gave credit on just about every image to the "Science Funnies Page" they scraped it from. Wonder where the science funnies got it?
Load More Replies...These were 10 minutes of my life that I don't mind not getting back! More like these, BP.
That's not true - they gave credit on just about every image to the "Science Funnies Page" they scraped it from. Wonder where the science funnies got it?
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