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Someone Asked, “What’s The Scariest Thing A Male Friend Has Said To You?”, 30 Women Delivered
With so many years of equal rights progression, sadly, we still live in a largely male-dominated society. The dominance over women can be visible in virtually all walks of life, from your workplace to your family or friend circle. Speaking of which, you don’t ever have to be friends with toxic men, or men you don’t feel comfortable with, or women, for that matter. Listen, friends are people we decide to build a friendship with and there’s no obligation.
So this eye-opening Reddit thread comes as a cold shower for any woman out there who realized they overestimated their male friend. “What's the scariest thing a male friend has said to you?” Redditor u/sedbiss asked on the Ask Women subreddit, which is home to a whopping 3.4 million members.
The unsettling stories and genuine, yet very disturbing experiences women had with their male “friends” started coming in, and it makes you realize that some people don’t deserve to get close to you and get a friend tag.
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#1
We were about 15, and a friend told me that my 6 year old niece was "hot". Stopped having anything to do with him. About a year later he was arrested for molesting three girls whose combined age didn't add up to 18! That was in the 80's and he got 30 years.
#2
I work in a male-dominated space and they consider me 'one of the boys,' aka they talk s**t without a filter, even when I'm around. The countless number of ugly comments made about women and the amount of pride they have in cheating on their partners is astounding. I remember one of them saying, 'We go for women in their early 20s because they don't know who they are yet, and they can't argue back. They're easier to train and mold.' He was dead serious, and I was disgusted.
#3
I knew this guy when I was in 10th grade, he was a senior. We were friends and I made the mistake of letting him walk me home. He showed up unannounced multiple times and said disgusting things the longer this went on. He said he wanted to “breed me so hard that my screams were heard by satan.”
I hate him.
Although it's hard to exactly pinpoint why some men act like entitled jerks and have the audacity to tell these things to women, the toxic behavior is partly if not largely blamed on them being insecure. In fact, men who are insecure about their masculinity showcases typical behavior. It manifests in some form of anxiety about a man being presented as a less masculine, more “vulnerable” version of himself.
Such anxiety may be present if a man refuses to carry his girlfriend’s bag, or hesitates to hug his male friends in public. Psychologists believe that these men who aren’t secure in their masculinity are aware that their manhood is precarious and that they may, at any moment, lose manhood status in other people’s eyes.
#5
He said, 'I honestly didn’t care about what he had done to you, I was just listening in the hope that you’d cheat on him with me.' Then I immediately rid him of my life.
#6
If you girls knew how guys talk about you when you can’t hear them, you wouldn’t go near us again.
This belief can be understood as a byproduct of our society that spreads the belief of gender role norms, which are often sexist and imply that gender is a social status that has to be earned.
A 2012 study has shed even more light on how masculine insecurity can predetermine men’s behavior. Scientists conducted an online survey that probed how the male participants perceived masculinity standards and how their own self-image fit in with this perception. The 600 male participants were asked whether they felt as masculine as the average guy or if they wished to be more macho. The survey also included information about the individual's substance use and violent behavior.
#7
In high school, i was SA’d by two male “friends.” This happened at a party in which no one did anything. I didn’t handle the aftermath well (who would) & i threw myself into more reckless decisions(partying, drugs, alcohol, hanging out w the wrong crowd). Anyways, I was at another party that one of my best (male) friends was throwing. I was really drunk & another one of my male friends said to the one throwing the party, “she’s in the perfect state for you to bring her upstairs now.” They had both been at the party I was SA’d at & the one that threw the party was actually the first person to ever ask me if what happened that night was consensual. It almost turned into this joke with everyone that if you got a couple drinks in me that there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do; everyone thought it was funny. I remember when those words left my “friends” mouth then watching the other one just nod, agree, & laugh. I was terrified. The one that threw the party had a crush on me & spent the whole night chasing me to try & apologize. It felt like a part of me split entirely that night when I realized that I was always just an object to the people I thought were my friends; that no one cared about what was done to me & they would do it again. I felt so helpless. It’s been five years since my first assault in high school - still don’t know what those two boys did that night & i don’t want to.
#8
My male friend once told me that a lady cut him off on the highway, which pissed him off as anyone would be. But instead of just moving on from that, he followed her all the to her house and parked right outside her home so he could 'scare her.' He then laughed and said that she didn’t get out of the car until he drove away. I was f**king horrified when he told me all of this, and I went off on him. I told him how f**ked up it was and how she probably felt scared for her life. He did end up feeling bad about it and told me he was embarrassed and upset that he scared her, but it still doesn’t excuse what he did.
#9
When I was 17, a guy that I considered a good friend was mad that I rejected him, so he made a profile on an escort website and used my photos and all my personal info. He said it was just a joke. I called the police.
The researchers found that the men with high discrepancy stress were more likely to be violent than the men who were not as concerned about their masculinity. The two groups, however, were not likely to differ significantly in their alcohol and drug use, the scientists said. They also found that these men characterized as having high gender role discrepancy and high discrepancy stress partook in assaults causing injury 348 percent more than men with low discrepancy stress.
#10
We were coming back from an event with another male friend, mid conversation he said “you’re actually gorgeous, surprised no one has r**ed you yet”. They both just laughed.
Haven’t forgotten and won’t.
#11
A gay, friendly coworker gave me a morning hug and then unhooked my bra. Naturally, I freaked and yelled at him and he just jokingly said, 'I like boys, it’s okay for me to do that!' It was a confusing way to feel violated, but I needed him to understand how disgusting that opinion was, so I made sure he saw me tell other people what happened. He responded the same way a few times until he realized how stupid he sounded.
#12
Not a male 'friend' per se, but a male acquaintance said he enjoyed hurting women emotionally and, knowing they liked him, he could then take advantage of their feelings and do what he wanted. This is something most women are probably aware of, but it was shocking how unashamed he was in just saying it out loud.
#13
I didn’t really know him that well and we were hanging out at a bar. I was about to go to the bathroom and he made a comment about spiking my drink while I was gone. He said it was 'just a joke' but that’s s**t's not funny. I took my drink to the bartender instead and never saw him again.
#14
I used to work in specialized group homes for disabled and aggressive youth. I was 20 at the time and am a woman. My coworker always brought up topics that were horrifying and made me very uncomfortable, but the very worst one was when he said, 'All females have a r**e fantasy' We were alone at 11 p.m. while the kids in the house slept. I left THE MOMENT my shift was over and immediately requested to never be placed with him again.
#15
I told a friend about my sexual assault experience and immediately he said, 'See, that’s why you have to watch who you get involved with.' Basically saying that it’s my fault for not noticing the red flags. Thanks, my guy! I was the one who was assaulted, no need to turn this into an 'I am the wise one' moment.
#16
I was roommates and friends with this guy for years. We were talking one night and he asked if I remembered the party we met at years before, and I said that I couldn't remember any details because I was super drunk. I actually had to be walked home by some kind acquaintances at the party that night. He said he knew, and that he was sober and trying to get me to come home with him, but I got pulled away by those acquaintances. I wanted to cry. This person who I considered a friend, who lived in the bedroom next to me, looked me in the eye and said that he wished he assaulted me. It's probably the worst and scariest thing anyone has ever said to me.
#17
We had a friend's husband help my husband and I move. My husband went to make another trip to grab more of our things, so my friend's husband and I were alone. He said, 'Man, there’s no way that I would ever leave my wife alone with any of my friends' To this day, I still don’t know what to think about that.
#18
When I was 19 I was out walking in the middle of the night with my two closest guy friends, one of them was quiet, shy, sweet. I had a crush on him. The other one was loud and sometimes annoying, . We were all high. They slowed down and I kept walking. We got to a field we went to all the time. Suddenly they both came up t behind me and the quiet one grabbed my hands and held them behind my back. The other one started putting his hands inside my shirt and pants. When I finally got free the quiet one who was holding my hands said "dude it felt like we were raping her."
Those are words I'll never forget. As weird as it is, what he said effects more than what they did. I never in a million years thought I'd hear those words come out of his lips.
#19
About one of our other friends at a barbeque: 'I’ll make my move when she’s drunk enough.' I kept my friend and all other females away from him that night.
#20
“That time you passed out drunk at the party, I fingered you.” He also proceeded to tell me how he only became ‘friends’ with me in the first place with the intention of sleeping with me and resorted to non-consensual touching when I didn’t accept his feelings. Real douchebag.
#21
Not exactly a friend, but a buddy from my travel group, when we had an argument about having/not having kids: "If I could, I would imprison you and f**k you until you get pregnant". Apparently, in his mind i was insane for not wanting kids when i'm an "interesting person".
#22
He commented saying my outfit made him want to take me to a dark corner and doing horrible things to me but he can’t because we’re friends and you don’t “do those things” to women you like.
#23
Multiple grown men had told me my entire childhood that I had 'amazing birthing hips.'
#25
One said something in a group chat saying he’d basically go pull some 'whale,' clearly meaning fat woman if he wanted to get laid. I, being a fat woman, called him on that, then told my friend who he’d clearly had a crush on and had been trying to get together with for a while. It's safe to say she never went out with him.
#26
That he could tell by a woman's scent that she's on her period and whether or not she's a virgin. That was so creepy, I didn't ask for any further details.
#27
A male friend of three years wanted to move into a room that I was vacating. When my housemates chose the other potential renter instead of him, he turned on me, shouting and blaming me for the decision not going his way. His words were something along the lines of 'I should've stopped being friends with you a long time ago when I realized that you wouldn't have sex with me.'
#28
I was in London with a big group of friends when I was a teenager, two of the boys came over to me and said "that guy over there offered to buy you for the weekend, we want you to pretend to be ok with it, and we will rob him" I was f**king horrified, I hardly knew the boys and this sounded terrifying to me, one of them started getting angry with me and saying I had to because he knew other girls men had tried to do this with, and they needed to learn a lesson.
Still makes my blood run cold, I was 15 by the way.
#30
“I’m divorcing my wife for you”
What do you think ?
Q B F T 2 years ago
A lot of these are involve guys who are nice to women as a payment for sex - and then whinge about being "friendzoned" when they don't get the return on investment they expect. If "friendzoning" is a thing, boys, then so is "fuckzoning", and you do that to too many girls, and I'd argue it's worse to discover someone's only interacting with you because they want what's between your legs than it is because they like you as a person.
Eppe 2 years ago
Huh, "friendzoning" and 'fuckzoning". Never thought about it but that's a fair comparison.
Load More Replies...
lenka 2 years ago
Every one of these is an example of the quote "Men are afraid women will embarrass them. Women are afraid men will rape and kill them". How the f**k can people (and yes mostly men) continue to be confronted with the reality women face every single day and still insist that we dont have a problem with men and male culture.
Krásnoočko Zelené 2 years ago
My colleague, a professor with whom we were on friendly terms and first name basis, once stated in a very jolly tone that he hates it when his wife cries in front of him and that he feels like slapping her when it happens. At an international conference in front of other professors and researchers from our community, many of whom were female of course.
Q B F T 2 years ago
A lot of these are involve guys who are nice to women as a payment for sex - and then whinge about being "friendzoned" when they don't get the return on investment they expect. If "friendzoning" is a thing, boys, then so is "fuckzoning", and you do that to too many girls, and I'd argue it's worse to discover someone's only interacting with you because they want what's between your legs than it is because they like you as a person.
Eppe 2 years ago
Huh, "friendzoning" and 'fuckzoning". Never thought about it but that's a fair comparison.
Load More Replies... lenka 2 years ago
Every one of these is an example of the quote "Men are afraid women will embarrass them. Women are afraid men will rape and kill them". How the f**k can people (and yes mostly men) continue to be confronted with the reality women face every single day and still insist that we dont have a problem with men and male culture.
Krásnoočko Zelené 2 years ago
My colleague, a professor with whom we were on friendly terms and first name basis, once stated in a very jolly tone that he hates it when his wife cries in front of him and that he feels like slapping her when it happens. At an international conference in front of other professors and researchers from our community, many of whom were female of course.
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