“What’s The Scariest Thing About Being A Woman?”: 45 People Share Their Honest Answers
InterviewBeing a woman can be amazing. There’s nothing stronger than the bond of sisterhood, and women are unstoppable when they band together and support one another. Girls just want to have fun, after all!
But unfortunately, being a woman isn’t all fun and games, as ladies are five times more likely to be killed by a partner and three times more likely to be abducted. To bring attention to the frightening reality of being a woman, even in today’s modern world, Redditors have recently been discussing the scariest things women have to deal with every day. We’ve gathered some of their most harrowing responses below, so be sure to upvote the thoughts you agree with, and keep reading to find a conversation with the Reddit user who started this thread.
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Its so funny how in the post for scary things about being a woman, the overwhelming answer is basically men. Men raping us, men killing us, men trapping us with kids and then abusing us. Them assaulting us and then blaming us for our assault. Them assaulting us and then accusing us of lying, etc. In the post for scary things about being a man, the overwhelming answer I saw was their reputation. Being perceived as a pedo, being perceived as a creep, etc. And while being percieved as a threat must suck, I cant help but not feel bad because thats the result of their behaviors. You dont get to historically and systematically oppress and assault women and children and then walk around this world with the reputation of being protectors and leaders. Women face hardship because of men. Men face hardship because of other men.
Having been the classic skinny weakling as a teen, and enduring years of bullying, I can agree with that last line. My conclusion is that a huge percentage of males are psychopaths.
Load More Replies...Spot on: "Women face hardship because of men. Men face hardship because of other men."
I had this talk with my husband recently. He couldn’t understand why I prefer a cab over an Uber. He argued that Uber was cheaper. I said that cabbies are licensed and registered. Uber is like getting into a car with a stranger. He said “ I’ve taken an Uber many times with no issue.” I said” Yes but you’re a guy.” He still doesn’t understand
Im so suprised at the confidence of some of the men who commented here without knowing anything about how you have to generalize men to survive. If someone told you a cookie jar had one poisonous cookie in it, would you eat any of the cookies? Shaking my head
After 30 years of marriage my husband died. I discover that even though we lived in what was supposedly a community property state (Texas), I had no credit in my name, even though all our a accounts and cards were joint. All our credit was in my husband's name. It took me 10 years to build up my own credit rating.
The last statement leaves out the fact that abuse goes BOTH WAYS. Men abuse women, and women abuse men. Me getting punched around by my mother has nothing to do with men.
I am sorry you went through that, no child ever should. Not discounting individual experiences, the OP's statement - I believe - is accurate. It is a generalisation and in general is correct.
Load More Replies...This comment is actually one of the issues, by ignoring the fact that some women cause hardships too you are saying that someones experience is not valid, that breeds contempt and leads to them follwing things like incels extra (not all of them but some). You can acknowledge that men are the majority issue whilst also not brushing the rest under the carpet.
The fact that my basic human rights are up for debate and are not guaranteed.
After ten years of MAGA propaganda I'm not sure where to start. A large portion of the USA wants to treat women very badly.
Load More Replies...Michael Che: "I'm for equal rights. I think it's weird that I have to say that."
I grew up in the women’s Lib era. Burn the bra, contraception pills and legal abortion. I am so disappointed to see this country move back to the 1950s. We had just moved out of that suppression and now we’re moving back in.
Well, they got into office because they appealed to white people’s racism. Then white women got a rude wake up call and were reminded that white men never advocated for women’s rights, that was all done by Black people even though white women were the ones who benefited the most, they benefited because white men wanted to spite Black people. So now reproductive rights are going out the window , so now since I white men are going after white women they now have a problem with the laws Black people have been living with for the last 450 years.
I have a lower chance of getting into college because I am female ffs
What a condescending, paternalistic, and garbage thing to say. How dare you assume the ignorance of someone who has every right to be terrified about the open hostility towards human rights. You really typed this whole thing out and posted it without considering what a prick you are.
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The rise of incels and the manosphere
I am genuinely afraid of what is going to happen once these teenagers raised on alpha male podcasts and incel communities start getting into politics and law. I am terrified.
I’m terrified of the way youtube is pushing this content mercilessly in their algorithm. I’m afraid of the way some argue women shouldn’t have rights, shouldn’t vote, domestic abuse should be legal.
I’m just honestly terrified that this content is going to lead to a wave of misogynist and dangerous policies in the future
Anyone who thinks domestic abuse should be legal is almost certainly an abuser, or well on their way to becoming one.
@intermzonno1 - Tate stating what he'd do if a woman accused him of cheating: "“It’s bang out the machete, boom in her face and grip her by the neck. Shut up b***h.”
Load More Replies...The incel movement + the internet is the nazis dream come true... the radicalization of a whole generation of young men into fascist ideology is NOT the future I want to live in...
What is even worse is that there are women who support these "red pill" men and actively are trying to force society to take all the privileges and rights from women, because "we don't need feminism". I don't care is some woman wants to live traditional lifestyle if that's her choice (although traditional is different in every culture and not exactly what they think it is), but pushing that lifestyle to be a norm, and on to all other women makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I like my rights, and I have a daughter I need to protect, I don't want that she need to conform to some lifestyle other people have written for all the women in the world. That's dangerous!
People like to blame feminism for rising rates of anxiety and depression in women rather than every other f*****g thing wrong in the world. But no, it's certainly because we have rights now. Just look how happy men depicted housewives in the 50's as being! /s
Load More Replies...I'm really hoping this is just the loud minority and we're still moving in the right direction with women's rights. I have two girls and I'm terrified of the world that we're passing down.
You are your daughters' primary male example and will greatly influence them. I've read many of your comments, and it sounds like you're doing a really good job in setting a great example for them. Take heart in that.
Load More Replies...Thankfully, most of these incels are too incapable for a career in politics. They prefer to vent online, where they feel powerful and understood, rather than get involved with real-life struggle.
You all should watch the Frontline episode on the Discord Leaks: https://youtu.be/AkgkBEuEHwU?si=j1uRv3snTJbBCtrO You can see the world that radicalizes entitled, comfortably middle class to affluent kids. Brainless, no intellectual curiosity, don't read, but digest garbage info and buy into bigotry and hate and violence as a dopamine response to being "noticed" Fawking sad.
My little brother loves YouTube and we’ve had to watch what he watches really closely, they’re really sneaky with it too. We’ve had to put basically a blanket ban on all memes because it’ll be mostly fun innocent ones, and then they’ll sneak a sexist/racist/homophobic one in really quick and then back to the fun.
I'm so happy I'm in my 50's and child-free. By the time the above happens, I'll be too senile to care and I'm happy knowing I didn't contribute towards it. Why anyone wants to have kids these days is mystery. Why would anyone want to subject another person to the dumpster fire of humanity? Yet we're adding the population of Germany to the global population every year, roughly 80 million people. It's not sustainable.
To find out how this conversation started in the first place, we reached out to Reddit user Forced_to_Exist_, who posed the question, "What’s the scariest thing about being a woman?” She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda, sharing that she was simply interested in hearing about the experiences of other women.
The OP also noted what she considers to be some of the scariest aspects of being a woman. "To me personally, giving birth and having my reproductive and human rights taken away from me by the government," Forced_to_Exist_ says.
She added that she's childfree for various reasons, including how terrifying pregnancy and birth are. "But also because of how hard it is for mothers out there," the OP noted. "Our healthcare system treats pregnant and birthing women like animals."
I am male but have seen it said before when regarding going on a first date. Men are scared she will be fat. Women are scared they will be raped and/or murdered.
When I was young I thought that was just anti-male hyperbole. But then after I met my ex wife and she told me the horrible things that have happened. Then other women close to me opened up
I no longer think it was hyperbole. Men do terrible things to women and often go unpunished. I am not surprised women fear. It is horrible to live in fear like that. It’s not fair and it’s not right.
Anyway not sure what else I can say. I just hope the good guys outweigh the evil.
And there's also the difference between actually good guys and... "good" guys. Everyone who hasn't already done so should watch the film 'Promising Young Woman'.
Oo, I saw that movie! So messed up but so good!
Load More Replies...Not looking hopeful when we have a presidential candidate who glorifies being a cad to women.
Yeah that realization hit me, too. So I try to be aware of that and not stare at, walk behind or do anything that could be interpreted as creepy when I'm out.
98% of women will be raped or sexually assaulted. 4% of those will report it.
When the whole Me Too thing started, my husband express surprise at how many women experienced sexual harassment. I told him I don’t have a single female friend who has not experienced it past sometime. I was able to recall, without breaking a sweat, at least 5 instances including one where I had to leave a job (boss ), another an apt (landlord) and one an actual r*pe resulting from a simple lunch with a co worker (not even a “date”).
Remember men, if you see something say something. You could legitimately save a life.
@intermezzono1 Notice that OP said outweigh and not outnumber. At this point I absolutely do not date men I don't already know.
I think they do out weigh the evil, big problem can be difficult to tell the difference between the good and the bad. So have to approach all men as potentially dangerous
dudes will literally beat the s**t out, or even kill you in a fit of uncontrolled emotional rage over mundane things , while simultaneously claiming you are the one that's unable to control your emotions
any dude that says women are more emotional and men are more logical, is saying that utter utter nonsense from a place of emotion. Because no logical person would ever say something so totally utterly f*****g ignorant.
This!! I had people witness him physically assault me and yet call me the unstable one! So many people dismissed his actions, making me have no one left to stand up for me. I’m still grappling with this haunting past of mine.
Ah yes, don't we just love gaslighting /s
Load More Replies...At the first hint of big temper/violence that's it. You are done with that person. Zero second chance - ever
Yes. From a professional standpoint it infuriates me that seminars for women include “How to keep your emotions in check. “ The men need this seminar way more!!
Men need a seminar "How to deal with emotions in the first place." Expecting men to know how to control something that they deny even having is expecting too much. As a guy who grew up in the emotionally stunted culture of the modern US, it makes me super happy to see that the upcoming generations are really going after all that toxic "boys don't cry" b******t. So many old people call Gen Z weak, but lack the courage to face their own shortcomings. Irony.
Load More Replies...adrian f**k off man. you will never understand anything about being a woman and it’s obvious you never tried
I was with a man like this for so long. But he was so convincing that it was me that caused the rage that I just stayed - I did have my flaws such as interrupting during a heated discussion or not exactly using the correct words when expressing myself. But, secretly, I always feared the next time I behaved like a human and showed "too much" emotion, he was going to rage and it may be worse than the last time.
A common trait in humanity: blaming the other side when YOU are wrong. This is not limited to relationships, in fact.
And then they get mad at US when we are hormonal and 'extra moody' one week per month
We were also curious if the OP believes most men understand how scary it can be to be a woman. "They might have some idea when they meet aggressors who are bigger than them. But I don’t really think they will know how scary it is to be stalked or worried about being SA’d or raped," Forced_to_Exist_ says.
"I was SA’d by a high school student in a terrifying way when I worked there as a para-educator. I felt really powerless and terrified in that moment. After the giant kid aggressively SA’d me, some male school administrators didn’t understand my trauma to the full extent and even dismissed it," she shared.
There is a long standing stigma of women being overly dramatic and medical professionals (even female professionals) dismissing their pain or discomfort.
I had several friends of varying ages who were misdiagnosed or ignored because the doctors assumed it was a pregnancy or period related problem.
Meanwhile, my older brother went to the doctor for what was a essentially heartburn and got every test under the sun to diagnose it.
I hate how this is so prevalent. I’m from the medical field (graduated from medical school and awaiting placement) and the sheer number of lecturers, who are all doctors, who take every possible chance to make fun of female patients and their symptoms is terrifying and disgusting. It’s often insensitive jokes such as “xx drug can cause mood swings but if you know a woman you’ll know that you don’t need any drugs to elicit mood swings” and frequent comments on how women exaggerate their symptoms. These are just some examples I remember among several other instances. It disgusts me to learn under such people and bothers me that they’re actually allowed to address people in this manner, even if it’s behind their backs.
What sounds weird in that is that after all, women are human beings like men. What makes those brilliant doctors forget that all humans share (almost!) the same biology and therefore the same risks?
Load More Replies...I even hate the word "period related". I don't think periods are meant to be painful. Some discomfort, some cramping maybe, but if you are in pain for days every month that is NOT RIGHT. Every woman I know who complained about serious period pain was later (and a lot later in many cases) diagnosed with something, most likely endometriosis.
Thank you for this! I was very lucky that my mother didn't think my extreme cramps and vomiting from them was normal - turned out I had cysts.
Load More Replies...I have thyroid disease and eventually had to have half my thyroid removed due to a tumor compressing my airway. But it took nearly a decade of weird, concerning, and often debilitating symptoms to get a diagnosis. I was told I was too young to have thyroid issues, "Women don't have thyroid issues until they're 30s." I once went to the ER with horrible heart palpitations and was sent home. They said it was just anxiety because my husband was deployed and I was just anxious being a "single" mom while he was away. It didn't matter that I told them I wasn't anxious about that at all, and that I had a fantastic support system. Nope. That's it. Found out later heart palpitations are a common symptom of a failing thyroid. All the signs were there--symptoms, blood tests that showed my thyroid wasn't within range--but they just refused to do anything. The doctor who finally diagnosed me was absolutely floored no one had done anything sooner.
I (40f) went to the ER with kidney stone pain. I’ve had them before and knew what was going on. The male doc completely dismissed me because I wasn’t “acting in enough pain”. Just because I can control my breathing as a pain control method doesn’t mean I’m not in incredible pain
Went 4 months in extreme pain and constant low grade fever. I had already been diagnosed with endometriosis at age 18 a few years before. 3 doctors insisted it was just my endometriosis at just deal. Doctor #4 said probably chronic appendicitis along with endometriosis. He was right as my appendix was close to bursting by the time I was able to get surgery for it approved by the insurance. They denied it the first time when endometriosis was listed first, but approved on appeal with appendicitis listed first 🙄
After four years of struggling to get some help (endometrioses) it took a male doctor to take action. Before that I only went to female doctors because I felt saver with them looking at my private parts. But low and behold, the FIRST male doctor said exactly what I have been saying for all those years…
I am unable to have children (which I didn't want anyway, but that's besides the point) because my symptoms were dismissed by many doctors over many years. Turns out I'm riddled with endometriosis and it destroyed my tubes. It's also stuck to my bladder and other internal organs. Believe it or not, the first time I was taken seriously was when I decided to see a male gyno for the first time. I didn't do it, but I was very tempted to mail my surgical results to every one of those docs who told me I'm just overly sensitive to pain. Or that "some women just have rough periods". Screw all of you who let me suffer for so long!
I recently took my sister (20) to urgent care because she told me she had been having vaginal bleeding on and off throughout the month for four months. It was determined that she had lesions on her cervix that became irritated and bled after having intercourse. What are the lesions from? 'Who knows. Could be cancer. Probably not.' She can't get a pap smear until she's 25. Not even for this special circumstance.
Oh yes... went to the doctor cuz I was feeling out of breath and suddenly couldnt run anymorr(used to run 5 k a day). It ws about the same time that I had a bad pap smear that might be cancer. Well, the doctor who happened to be a woman just said that I was in my head. She did no tests other than pregnancy test. But she was certain I ws just scared it would be cancer. So probably just a kknd if anxiety or something. But in my hed, which she mentioned miøultiple times. Got an appointment with a male doctor (one I knew was good), but had to wait 1,5 months. First thing he did was to run a lot of tests and he found that my lung capasity was lover than it should be. He did some more tests. He said asthma. And he was right. I got the medicine and I can actually breathe again!!!
For any man reading and seeing the comments from women about rape/attacks/overpowering etc, I think I speak for majority of women when I say we don’t want/need your protection. WE JUST WANT YOU TO STOP ATTACKING US! Those doing these things are not aliens. They are your family, friends, neighbors or coworkers. Start protecting us by calling out any behavior you deem problematic if it were your daughter,granddaughter, grandma, mom, aunt, sister, niece,girlfriend/fiancee/wife, best girl friend and so on
Responding to this as a man: I have obviously never attacked any women. I haven't seen much of that behaviour at all actually, but thats because my job involves being alone 80% of the time. But if I did, I know for a fact that I'd do something.
I find it odd that many men have been very quick to 'stand up' for women against trans women. I am as a woman more likely to get assaulted by a so called straight man than a trans woman. Much of this isn't about protecting women but about 'protecting' masculinity.
As a female, I have been around a large number of trans women and have never once felt unsafe.
Load More Replies...My Boyfriend got a complaint of assault because he stopped a Man from Punching the Mans girlfriend head on the Table - into shards of a glass he broke with the Women's face. BF punched the guy in the face and hold him to the ground till police arrived. Girlfriend does not want to press charges against her Man, Man decided to report my. BF. Judge let him go because he was just helping...
Nobody said that they did. But if someone was flying with Southwest and the plane crashed do you think they'd still fly southwest? No because that one flight was f****d.
Load More Replies...that's your second post telling us how to respond. Like, read the room?
Load More Replies..."So for men to imagine [what it's like to be a woman], it’s like you are always prey wherever you go," the OP continued. "I’m constantly scanning my environment when going on scenic walks in my countryside area, and I can’t just enjoy the nature without constantly worrying about a sexual predator driving by and abducting me, especially after a 14-year-old girl was abducted in my town a few years ago."
Loss of reproductive rights in certain areas of the U.S.
There are a lot of s****y things about Australia. But when roe v wade was knocked down in the US. Our politicians immediately looked to how accessible choice was here and have put more money and more legislation to making choice available. Here, it's about how remote areas can get access Don't get me wrong, our politicians are not perfect. But treating pregnancy as a medical rather than social decision makes me a little proud.
I am afraid for American womeen, and I am just your neighbor in Canada.
Canadian here, I cried when it was officially knocked down.
Load More Replies...And it's not just abortion or the "morning after" pill. Preventative birth control can be painful or even potentially damaging (IUDs, birth control pills). Meanwhile women are denied permanent birth control (bisalps, etc.) unless they get "a husband's permission" or had four kids already. Mengeles are denying women (and there's an increasing number of them) the right to permanent, painless and safe birth control solely because "men might want to have babies with you".
I'm not American and I want to know what the heck is up with that (Canadian!)
Feeling like an inanimate object created for other's use, pleasure, and victimization.
I was a smart, sunny kid who trusted everyone. I am now a menopausal woman who trusts no one.
The things that happened in between are a whole novel, I suppose, but suffice to say that I am still working to see myself as a person who has value beyond her visual and sexual being, who can be loved as a person completely separate from my appearance, and who still has something to offer the world.
This becomes more difficult as I begin to disappear, which has happened as I have aged. It is bizarre and hurtful and unsettling. I don't know what else to say about it, except that my sense of self has been put through the shredder and the mill too often. And I really, really never expected this to happen.
You are not alone. Sometimes in speaking for ourselves, we speak for others. Thank you for sharing.
It helps being an unattractive fat women. Speaking of experience. I was never exposed to fake friendliness or am even on the radar for men generally. You see the ugly side from the start and you're mostly left alone. If you get through that early on, and realise it's good, that you're not even considered to get such negative attention, because most people are just treating you directly as s**t and only in passing.
I am 45, and I wear no makeup, nor do anything with my appearance because of men. I think unwanted attention when I was young, pretty and skinny is why I stay overweight. The level of men out there these days is frightening at best. While I want to be super feminine and dress how I want, I am more comfortable sliding under the radar. I’m married, but even that is trying with regards to wants, sex and my self esteem. Its a trip for sure being female.
I felt this way for ... far longer than I would like to admit. BUT, I got help and with therapy and meds, I really don't care about what most people think at all now. I live for my hubby, kids, and grand kids, and for my doggies. I will tell my supervisors when they are wrong and not back down. I insist on being treated well by coworkers, because I am too old to put with tit-for-tat behavior from grown adults. Yes, I spent most of my life depressed and every day was a struggle, but I have made it through. I see the love that my family has for me and embrace it, I wish I had gotten help long ago - I missed so much, but I know life is a gift now.
Forced_to_Exist_ went on to say that she found the responses to her post very intriguing. "Some of them got to my heart. As a woman, I didn’t even know such dreadful things other women go through were possible, like being sexually harassed by grown men while being children."
"One lady shared her experience of how a grown man complimented her 'birthing hips' while she was only 8," she added. "I related to the women that shared their experiences of being objectified and being treated as nothing but a walking womb or an object for gratification; this made me sick to my stomach."
That there is no cure for some female specific diseases (PCOS, endometriosis ) but unisex/male diseases are much better researched.
There is some great research on endometriosis. They have isolated a bacteria they think may be behind the disease and the use of antibiotics to target this has been successful in mice in clearing up symptoms. The fact we are two decades into the 21st century before this has been looked at is shameful. No one of my generation (Gen X) need have suffered from this..
Womens issues: that's unfortunate, no cure. Men's erectile dysfunction: let's fully research and fund this as a real life threatening issue
I hope this begins to change with more women in STEM programs. People research what they care about. I don't blame men for researching men's diseases, but more women should mean more research on women's issues.
Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez is a great book on the bias we live in without realising. Male-bias is so entrenched in everything we do we don't even know we're doing it. With more women in STEM we should start to see a shift but they're still working under the male-bias in those systems (because nobody exists in a vacuum). I recommend that book to everyone because it shows how the world was built for men by men who just didn't/don't see it doesn't work for a lot of women.
Load More Replies...Heck most research on new meds is only done with men as menstruation is seen as an annoying variable to avoid. Women suffer injuries in car accidents more than men because crash test dummies are specked to the average male body so by extension seat belts and air bags are designed for the average male body.
It wasn't until 1993 that the National Institutes of Health required drug manufacturers to test their products on women as well as men.
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That almost any man you meet can easily overpower you without much effort. Any woman who ever had to physically fight a man knows well how helpless she felt at that moment.
My ex was a literal bag of bones (thin and lanky), often seen by his friends and those around him as being weak and not sportive (being the butt of many such jokes his entire life). He even has to take regular supplements since he was a kid just to ensure overall health. However, when it came to him physically assaulting me, it didn’t take him any extra effort. I knew from the first time he raised a hand to me that he is very much capable of overpowering and killing me if he wanted to. I have since left him and cut off contact but I can say with 100% confidence that if he doesn’t get help (he has anger management issues topped with NPD), he is going to seriously hurt or kill somebody in the future.
Tempest, good to know you are safe now. Hugs from me.
Load More Replies...I'm 5' 8" and 145 pounds; my husband 2 1/2 inches taller and 60 pounds heavier. It's not as though he's some great hulking guy, although he does work out religiously. He can do things like throw me over his shoulder and do squats using my body weight and carry me whilst running down the street. Conversely, he's gone dead weight and asked me to drag him out of the house. It was a struggle. If he were passed out and the house was on fire, I would barely be able to get him out. The difference is staggering. If he, or really, any other man, wanted to hurt me... I'd be fighting tooth and nail, and probably still wouldn't survive.
I was playing fighting with my husband the other day. There was a moment that I got really frightened when I realised just how much stronger he is than me. I trust him completely, but in that moment I understood that if he ever wanted to overpower me, I wouldn't stand a chance.
I see it's being down voted, but intermezzano1 has a point. You can't say men are so much stronger than women, and then turn right around and say it's okay for men to compete against women in sports. The two are obviously contradictory. And I'm not opposed to trans people in general, but allowing them to compete with women in sports is unfair to women.
Stopping women from competing in women's sports is unfair to women <3
Load More Replies...Not necessarily stronger or heavier, but more experienced. And fighting is more about tactics than force. Although it may differ in your culture, in my childhood, girls were often not allowed to roughhouse, unlike boys.
Had three fight with men in my life so far (a bully, a stalker and an incapable ice hockey player) and play wrestled my fiance. Won all of these battles, but certainly not in a fair kind of way. Plus, I'm pretty tall and broad shouldered, most women don't have that. Makes me worry some time that one day, I could underestimate someone.
And when you are one of the many women who COULD overpower a man, they just smirk and say 'try me'
You might want to tell this to the Liberals who say transgender woman can compete in female sports
And I hate when TV tries to be "empowering" by making it seem like we have a good chance of defending ourselves. Just makes for unrealistic expectations and stupid juries.
Giving birth to a child is dangerous and post-partum injuries can be very serious.
57 stitches inside and out (not a C section) and never feeling the same again (I'm over 60 now). Deep scars harden, and can cause issues/discomfort, wherever they are. Mine had to be restitched 4 years later after giving birth to my second (last) child. The only positive to it all is that we have 'Free at the point of use' healthcare in the UK, so at least no money worries on that count.
A Fourth degree tear from childbirth has lasting effects. My daughter was born 34 years ago and I am still seeing doctors today because of the tear.
Load More Replies...And no Darren, it's not as painful as your gas after eating a whole can of beans.
... well, apparently passing kidney stones is more painful.
Load More Replies...It's dangerous even with doctors who treat women like human beings, worse that many don't. I worked with a woman years ago who didn't know until she was in labour that the Mengele doing the delivery was a religious fanatic that believed "women should feel the pain of childbirth" and denied her the epidural she demanded. And that's without talking about butchers who cut women without consent or the abominable practice of symphysiotomy (intentionally breaking a woman's pelvis) to "make childbirth easier" while leaving women with a lifetime of disability and pain, among other atrocities (e.g. "husband stitch").
Probably the fact that there are men (of which you can never identify with certainty until it's too late) who will prioritize their desire for your body over anything else - your consent, your wellbeing, your life, anything.
Yeah, when guys say 'choose better' it's like seriously dude? Not all sharks are man eaters but I bet you're not going into shark infested waters to find out which ones aren't.
Having to rely on men in order to have rights.
Women represent 41% of congressional Democrats and 16% of congressional Republicans, meaning that women represent only about 28% of Congress. I really thought by 2024 this would be better.
Part of the problem is the almost inevitability of the re-election of incumbents. A person in Congress for thirty years might go through many changes of position but never one of gender. Women have their best chance of being elected when a representative retires. And some female members of Congress, like Marjorie Taylor Green, remind us that not all women representatives help women.
Load More Replies...I’m old enough to remember having to fight for a credit card because I wasn’t married.
Ah, I guess it depends on where you live, BUT as a Mexican woman I'd say existing is the scariest thing about being a woman.
Just Google "Mexico feminicidios" and you'll get it.
Looked it up. Nearly 1000 murders of women in Mexico in the year 2022. I get it.
2021: 4900 women murdered in the USA accordingly to the Bureau of Justice Statistics...
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- There is a study that found that men are 6x more likely to leave their wives who are terminally ill than the other way around.
- In Canada, women are 5x more likely to donate a kidney to their spouse than men are (only 6.5% of husbands who are acceptable donors go on to donate). The disparity is far more extreme in some other countries.
- In Canada, the proportion of women killed by domestic partners is 8x greater than men.
For whatever societal reasons, women in heterosexual relationships are statistically overwhelmingly less likely to find the love and support that we rely on our partners for than men are, and are statistically far more likely to be endangered by the people they love. That's terrifying and tragic.
Now, I'm a gay man but seriously? Who wouldn't donate a kidney to a spouse?? I'd do anything to save my boyfriend.
My wife's doctor assumed I would leave after learning of my wife's health struggles. The doctor has seen it so many times before, which is incredibly sad and confusing to me. How do you just abandon a partner so coldly?
Especially with the vows including richer, poorer, in sickness, and in health. Life isn’t all richer and in health. It’s going to throw poorer and in sickness at us all at some point! So if someone takes that particular vow, then breaks it at the first sign that the person they vowed to stay with and be faithful to forever, what does that say about their character? For anyone who hasn’t figured it out yet, then the answer is: They’re a huge shitstain wasting everyone else in the world’s space and oxygen. They should warn people that they’re worthless, and shouldn’t take vows they intend to break when things aren’t going perfectly. Because in real life things don’t always go perfectly.
Load More Replies...Brings to mind the recent story about the woman who left her husband because he wouldn't even test to see of he was compatible to be a kidney donor. Not unusual it seems.
Seriously - who would leave a wife when they are needed the most? I lost my wife a few weeks ago to long term illness - I was with her at the very end and felt it was the least I could do considering what she was going through.
"There is a study that found that men are 6x more likely to leave their wives who are terminally ill than the other way around." Well, obviously! It is far harder for a terminally ill woman to leave her husband!
Purposely obtuse? Men are more likely to leave terminally ill wives than women are to leave terminally ill husbands.
Load More Replies...I thought donating any organ must be from a relative who is genetically compatible so as not to reject the organ.
Not the case. The organ donor needs to be compatible, not necessarily a relative.
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Not knowing if a guy is being friends with you to take advantage of you or if their actually being genuine. Confusing and scary
TBH this one cuts both ways. I've had both men and women do it to me.
True, and the reason I have given up on people in general.
Load More Replies...stop saying not all men. It’s fine if you want to start a conversation about how dangerous women are or whatever, but stop interrupting when women are trying to speak up for themselves, it’s a dipshit move
I agree, saying not all men, doesn't make a man look better any better.. "yeah there are a lot of man rapists out there, but I'm not one of them" 🤮🤢
Load More Replies...Personally, Everytime I think "oh cool, this guy just wants to be friends"... that's when I learn he wants to be "friends with benefits". No thanks
As with all human relationships: Trust your gut feeling, instinct etc.
I've had a LOT of friendships with women I wasn't attracted to and had ZERO interest in sleeping with.
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Other things have been mentioned that I agree with. I'll add:
Not being taken seriously, especially in a medical situation.
Example: I went to the hospital in severe pain and the first things I was told and checked out for were period cramps and pregnancy, though I said it was neither. I felt like I was dying. After being pregnant and having 2 kids, I can say it felt like neither.
Turned out I had a severe kidney infection and could have died.
Edit to add since some people have mentioned it seems like a routine thing to to:
I was placed as 'not urgent' in the triage list and waited hours before they got to reviewing my test results. I sat in the corner of triage streaming feeling like I was dying and trying to tough it out because I felt ashamed and like an inconvenience that I went to the ER. When they finally did get to my results, they quickly changed their tune and treated me immediately. I could have gone septic while waiting for them to treat me.
I had a similar issue with waiting forever in an ER. Three hours, flat on my back with a blown disk in my lower back ..was in the hallway near the ambulance entrance. No pain meds, nothing to help with the severe pain. I now have a permanent nerve injury and have to walk with a cane. Made formal complaint to hospital (one nurse told me when I asked how long till I will be seen was to state "I forgot my crystal ball at home") was told they did nothing wrong.
I don’t want to sound heartless here, but I am a retired RN. Pain sucks, but in itself is not life threatening. You were not going to die. In the ED you never know when someone that IS going to die without immediate treatment will come in. We base triage on that, not on pain.
Load More Replies...I had this happen when I went to the ER after an undiagnosed ovarian cyst ruptured. I was a grown woman with 2 kids, it was not just "period pain," I seriously thought I was going to pass out from the pain. And that's coming from someone who had unbelievably painful periods. A junior female doctor saw me, told me it was period pain, and tried to palm me off with ibuprofen. I had already taken ibuprofen, it didn't help at all. They took a scan and sent me home, they wouldn't even let me stick around until the results came back.
This stuff makes me angry. Livid. Everyone is so dismissive of women's pain. Or they think you're lying if you tell them you are in pain. Or it's just "drug seeking" or "attention seeking" behavior. Honestly. This should not be the norm of how women are treated. And as women, if we see this happening, we need to speak up. Advocate for other women.
This is how I am treated by every doctor, including my female primary. The end result of this is that I rarely go to the doctor.
Load More Replies...After 20 years of progressively more frequent bad headaches, (4per yr., 8per yr, 12per yr, etc), & being told everything form "stress related" to hormones, I had successful brain surgery to place 2 stents in my right cerebral artery. Had 1 large aneurysm, ready to burst & one small aneurysm..... that was 2012,and I thank a fabulous doctor & being able to be one of the first patients to prove this stenting method!
Ooo I got sent home from the doc today with diagnosis stress and a prescription for antacids that I was already taking.
Load More Replies...Lack of information on women's problems is another one. Everyone gets into breast cancer awareness, because breasts are cute. I suffered from giant fibroids, and I had no idea those things even existed, until a (male) doctor finally suspected them. If I had known that could happen, I would have gotten checked years earlier.
A******s! Kidney infection pain is really feeling like dying!! I screamed, just put me under and then run al your tests!
For real. The worst pain I have ever experienced and I have experienced a lot of pain. When I had a kidney infection they told me it was constipation and sent me home from A&E. I went back the next day with vomiting and fever, then they took me seriously. I had 5 days in hospital on IV antibiotics and my first ever panic attack. Good times.
Load More Replies...Yep. Two of three arteries to my bowel were blocked. 8 months of chronic pain, passing out. regular er visits where i was rejected,called a drug seeker, and told 'you must not be washing ur hands" Showed up yet again, on deaths door. Now I have half my intestines gone, lung damage from clots and intubation, organs compromised from sepsis. Hard not to be angry
As a heterosexual woman, you have to date your only natural predator.
You can also choose celibacy, but the predators will be still lurking around everywhere you go.
One of the best things that happened to me was aging. Sexual Predators are not so interested in an elderly woman.
I thought this until last year. Turns out you can be nearly 50 and still up for being dateraped.
Load More Replies...As a man, This one really hits me very hard. I'm soooooo sorry we make you feel this way, but I know it's true.
I've always been fat - obese - never had to overworry about physical abuse. Just being called lots of names and ignored.
The nice thing about being fat is that, because we carry the weight around all the time, we're really strong! (I've also noticed since gaining a bunch of weight that I get sexually harassed waaaayyyy less than I used to.)
Load More Replies...And the celibacy is expensive, all the while we’re getting paid less than men.
As sad as I am about the weight gain from my thyroid giving out, the drastic drop in sexual harassment has been 100% worth it.
NOT EVERY MAN is a serial predator or bully. There are a lot of genuinely good, honest men out there. Fathers, brothers, mothers need to teach their sons respect and kindness and to care
I don't care. We have no idea which man is going to be the one that is a predator, and because so many men have done so much harm to women, we have no choice but to assume that it is all men. Instead of getting mad at women for having a reasonable reaction to a systemic and well documented threat, how about you get mad at other men who have earned men the reputation for being predators and bullies?
Load More Replies...JFC--we know it isn't ALL men. You guys don't have to keep saying it. Of course it isn't all men. My husband isn't a predator. I'm raising two sons who are not predators. The problem is women don't KNOW which ones are or aren't. Some men are so good at hiding it. When you come into a forum like this and say, "But not ALL men," you're making the conversation about you and your ego. If you aren't one of those predators--good for you--there is no reason to be offended or defensive when these conversations are taking place, because we are not talking about YOU.
Load More Replies...I have not met a single woman who didn't experience some form of SA or abuse. We just don't talk about it.
Load More Replies...The fact that every single one of us will have experienced sexual assault of one degree or another in our lifetimes.
I had to explain this to my father last year. That every single one of the women in our family with the probable exception of his other daughter has experienced this. Worse still was when I was speaking to my brother about it, he told me about the night he (gay) was roofied and gang raped. Obviously my father will never know about that from me.
I can't even remember how many times in my life I have been assaulted, vocally, physical or stalked. All my friends have experienced anything from a pat on the bum to rape. Horrible.
I’ve been groped and leered at since I was 10 years old. The only woman I know who hasn’t been groped is my grandma, and she’s certainly had other forms of harassment. This is life for us, and it shouldn’t have to be like this.
Yeah, as soon as puberty hit (for me, 10 years old) the predators came out of the woodwork.
Load More Replies...The scary aspect is that from the age of a baby, I have had the fear that my child(f)will be SA, and that I am powerless to prevent it and protect her. All I can do is advise how to try to avoid it.
i was a child when men started saying weird things around me, i have friends who were 5/6 years old and raped. i live in the us
God damn it. I'd say we can do better but history has shown us we clearly f*****g can't. When is the vote to make all men Eunich?
And most of us will experience it while we're the single digits in age
No one ever believes this. The early childhood assaults never stop leaving their mark and, no, women do not "get over it."
I have never ever told anyone about this, not even my mom. But I was SAed by an older cousin (mom's brother's son) when I was like 4-5 years old (I'm 40 now). He thought I wouldn't remember but I DO. I had to pretend all is good and I'm happy to see him every time there's a family get together and it hurts not being able to let someone know for fear of being judged and branded a liar.
For me, it would be being SAed and then even worse, not believed.
SAed? What's that? Stop this stupid censorship, BP, especially on a page dedicated to deal with serious topics.
It's not censorship it's an abbreviation that's used often
Load More Replies...I have been groped and treated disparagingly due to being a woman before. Both times I was dismissed and even mocked by the people around at the time. It is sickening that women just have to put up with this because “that’s the way of the world.” Screw that.
Sexually Assaulted. Scares me that I can leave the house and could literally be killed for what's between my legs.
It's R-A-P-E, and it's happened to a LOT of us. And no one believed us or said we "deserved" it or "asked for" it.
I love policing sexual assault victims on the language they use about their own experience! To greater benefit society, how about you make a reddit account just to tell her that. It's a newer post so she'll definitely see your comment and make sure to adjust accordingly for your comfort!!!
Load More Replies...I have survived two assaults—one was an abduction and assault and the second was an incredibly violent date rape. It is nightmare from the depths of hell. The first time, no one believed or helped me and it put me in a very very dark place. The second …I had a better support system but with both it was many years until I was okay. It is not taken seriously by the justice system, most get a slap on the wrist.
Everything doesn't have to be about everyone, especially on a list called "59 WOMEN Share Things that Terrify Them." JFC can you people let us have anything?
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Going pretty much anywhere alone, even during the daytime. The fact that I’ve had to learn to be aware of my surroundings just because I’m a woman makes me mad.
Not being able to walk alone at night in my native country (south africa). Any time my family ask why I prefer London, that's top of the list.
I once explained to a man I was dating that if he was walking behind a woman on a dark and quiet street, he should cross it. I explained why and he was truly dumbfounded women have to live their lives in fear of even a strange man behind them in the dark.
I walk to and from my car with my keys in between my knuckles. My drama teacher taught me that.
That's not a super effective way to carry your keys; instead, hold it like a dagger with the key(s) sticking out the front or back of your fist so you can strike in a stabbing motion, which is much more effective in a self-defense scenario.
Load More Replies...I'm a trans man, and before I began transitioning I would often walk home through my neighborhood (pretty safe and quiet, but still some dangers occasionally). I remember being very paranoid of anyone nearby, and had a couple scary moments. Now that I mostly pass as a man (I just look significantly younger, like middle school age), I have felt significantly fewer eyes on me as I walk, but I still have that paranoia and caution.
I distinctly remember being in the 5th grade walking to the store with my two friends discussing how there are three of us and one is tall, so we shouldn’t have much to worry about (we were all still worried regardless).
Know it makes you mad but lady it makes you very smart. We must control the situations that we can. Be smart and strong and project that
How men don’t see us as people. We’re girlfriends, se*ual objects, mothers, sisters, a fun night, a prize, a toy, but so rarely a normal, flawed being who deserve as much respect as a man naturally gets from other men. So many women go out with men who don’t even like them, because they just want a gf, not a partner. It’s scary because it feels like we’ll never be seen as human beings.
Ooh, so much THIS! I hate, hate, hate when people start bringing up/acting with regard of someone's sex/gender in a situation that has nothing to do with physiology. And my husband quickly became an ex-husband when he started doing it.
Having to have my rapist’s child against my will (Been there, nearly done that - gotta love a chemical pregnancy)
This enrages me beyond belief. It absolutely reduces a woman to little more than incubator status.
Those who claim that a fetus is a person always deny that status to the woman bearing it.
Load More Replies...The way men view and treat us. Their ignorance. Not comprehending that as a woman, we've all been harassed and bullied and stopped and followed by men before. Not all men. But men. Not understanding that we are attracted to something that could literally kill us at any moment. I'm talking about women who are attracted to men specifically. Nothing wrong with any other type of attraction that just happens to be my topic here. Men don't have to worry about that in a general sense. They don't have to fight knowing that at any moment the same person they are sexually or emotionally attracted to could just kill them if they had an anger spree. And I'm not just talking about somebody who has a history of anger problems. Men are built with more muscles and more strength than the female body. That's a mind f**k. Or having to deal every day with sexism. Especially in markets like credit cards or loans or car sales or home sales. Being treated like we're just stupid hoes who only know how to swipe credit cards. Always given the worst deal because we have a vagina instead of a penis and can't even talk about it with men because they just laugh and act like sexism isn't a real thing. Having to constantly defend ourselves or explain ourselves. Having to be made feeling guilty if we don't feel well because we have our menstrual cramps that are trying to rip us in half. Men trying to use our desire for equality as a form to punish or abuse us. Always having to do everything in an almost cartoonish polite ways that we don't upset a man's emotionally stunted ego and have them just go off on us because that is scary as hell. And then always the pressure always look perfect and act perfect and just wake up looking like Barbie. Knowing that we will be both criticized if we have makeup and criticized if we don't. Criticize if we spend money to get our hair and nails done and criticized if we don't. Judged and compared to pornography and celebrities, and always feeling the pressure that if we dare to even once said we don't want sex one night that we have somehow let down our man but if he doesn't want sex with us one night we just have to shut up and accept it. And of course the social pressure where woman is supposed to not only have a full-time job like a man is but she's also supposed to clean the whole house and take care of the household and organize and pay all of the bills and make all the appointments and single-handedly raise the kids and do all the grocery shopping and the errands and clean the entire house. If a man does even 10% of that he's raised up on a pedestal whereas a woman is criticized if she doesn't. A man brings home pizza and he's cool. A woman brings home pizza and she's a fat slob. Being a woman is scary because of all the social expectations and no it's not just woman expecting it of other women. That s**t comes because men are judging and they treat us in a certain way and they judge us and they treat us like we're bimbo who only want to spend their money and have no idea how to do anything to the point it's become basically a competition to who can be the most women which is where the women against women idea comes from. Being a woman is a constant need to prove that you're woman enough
"Or having to deal every day with sexism." This one really bothers me because it's so pervasive. I was just counseling someone the other day because they were dealing with a group of people who were basically questioning everything they did, and this poor person who look it up and double check ... even though they KNEW the answer. These people were just being condescending and disrespectful because she was a woman and they thought they could get away with it.
"Having to be made feeling guilty if we don't feel well because we have our menstrual cramps that are trying to rip us in half" or what I got a lot of was "séx will help your cramps feel better" no. Trust me. It won't.
Yes, because the first we think about while having severe cramps is "hey, some sex would be great right about now". Yeah, I've heard this one too.
Load More Replies...The assumption that if I’m mad I’m hysterical and PMSing. I am not crazy. I have a reason to be upset. No one ever says this when men are screaming and ranting all over the place, but I’m dramatic for expressing my frustration with your conduct. And guess what? Even if we’re PMSing, we aren’t mad for no reason. We may react more, but your behavior was still unacceptable. We’re just not as quiet.
Yeah, just had my husband accuse me of cheating, because I got my period before we could use his new “enhancement” pills… Although, he did take it right back, hearing how dumb his own statement sounded, when saying it. Not verbally or even apologizing. But after 20 years together, you can tell when your SO wished he’d stuck his foot in his mouth. Lol
Being anywhere alone. Remember reading once “being a woman is like walking around with 10k in your pocket and everybody knows you have it”.
not sure why you got downvoted, I too thought it is a great analogy.
Load More Replies...The worst part about that analogy is that there are more consequences for (and social stigma against) violating a person with money than for sexually violating a woman.
I believe Dave Capelle made that analogy in one of his specials.
I'm a violent crime survivor and I guess as a woman it's a fear of being attacked again.
I think even worse than being attacked again is that for the most part the justice system is a joke and works for the predator, not you.
Even if you've been groped it's not serious but it forever makes you afraid
It is serious and should never happen. I hope as a dad I am teaching my lad to be better than those that have come before him and my daughter to be safer
Load More Replies...Especially when in the first instance, you did everything "right", and in no way expected it until it was actively happening. Being caught completely off-guard.... it scares me constantly.
I'm sorry for what you experienced. I wish I could give you simple peace of mind. 🙏
Wise up, I'm supposed to get a pēnis substitute for protection against men? How about men just stop being so violent? Why is it always the woman who is expected to change her behavior, when there is absolutely nothing wrong with said behavior?
Load More Replies...Thinking about the horrible things soldiers do at war/in conflict situations. They ways they torture and SA people. How normal it can become. And knowing those men aren't monsters. They are human. And wondering how many of the men around me would love the chance to the torture and assault people if they thought they could get away with it.
I’m a female veteran. I served 10 years active duty army. When I deployed to Iraq in 2005, I was placed on a FOB with 600 males and 4 females. I was a medic and the platoon I was attached to were ALL males. Guess who they put on night shift, so that I had to walk from my tent to the aid station by myself in the middle of the night. Guess who was sexually assaulted by members of the US army one of those nights. Guess who didn’t say anything for years after it happened because I wouldn’t have been believed. It was then I realized that I actually had much more to fear from my own “battle buddies” than the enemies outside the gate.
Slavery allowed white people especially men, to do this all day, everyday so is there any wonder that white men are nostalgic for a pre-civil rights era?
You have to understand humans are actually the only creatures on this planet that we know of that are CAPABLE of actually being monsters, because we know the difference between right and wrong. Animals are just animals.
“You have to understand” assumes we don’t understand. Jared doesn’t have much faith in our dainty female brains.
Load More Replies...This is false balancing. Just because there have been cases doesn't mean it is the same thing
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I work with domestic violence and SA survivors. I don’t even know where to start.
(Including men and lgbt survivors, elderly and children, human trafficking and stalking)
Don't blame you for being scared of that. I've been punched around a few times, and I'm a man.
I would tell you to take a hike and never come back except for the chance that some innocent person might come across you in the forest.
Load More Replies...Do you read? Or are you just here to be outraged at perceived slights? They SAID they also work with male survivors of domestic abuse.
Load More Replies...Why is your comment not: "hey men, stop attacking women!" If we're in an open carry state, what are the chances that he's armed also?
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Society’s expectations of women are pretty terrifying.
Being criticized for your body changing, aging. Ya' know, things we have complete control over. 🙄.
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Falling in love with someone and trusting them and sacrificing for them only to have them leave you when you get old. I’m so scared of that happening to me.
And the main reason I have heard being given by the men abandoning them, at the moment their wives need them the most, is because their sex life is going to take a downturn. FFS! Your wife is DYING, and all you can think of is your d**k? Maybe having someone like that walk out is a good thing, because he would be f*****g huge pain in her a*s, making her even more miserable until she died.
Load More Replies...Happened to a lot of people I know, but also happened to men too, usually when they got sick. And sadly, it happens more to women than to men. To women it happens when we get old and if we get sick.
The men who are abandoned when they get sick are probably abandoned by trophy wives. Their first wives—-who married them for love, and who “knew [and loved] them when”—-would probably have stayed with them through their difficulties. If they hadn’t been dumped for getting older, in favor of a new way too young for him trophy wife (or two or three, depending on the age and bank account balance of the old geezer), that is.
Load More Replies...Young people need to be taught at an early age that people change. Living happily ever after is a myth. Expect relationships to fizzle out. Lifelong love is extremely difficult to sustain. Long marriages are basically endurance contests. Learn to be alone and cherish activities one does alone, like painting, playing a musical instrument, biking swimming so one does not psychologically depend on others for contentment.
that could mean two different things. they divorce you, or they die. either way,. its going to happen unless you die first.
It can happen to anyone, indeed. However, a man leaving his wife for a younger woman is common, we all know such cases around us. How many women do we know leave for a younger guy? It's so scarce, because in our society, women are considered overripe and less desired when they grow older. Whereas men remain attractive a long time. As for children being taken away from a parent, it's another serious problem.
Load More Replies...You are trained to find comfort in other women, but not warned that women can do just as disgusting things as men if not more so. There was this attitude growing up that women/mothers were inherently good and could do no harm. That belief caused me and im sure SO many others SO much harm. Women and mothers can be despicable people too.
My daughter was the victim of lesbian abuse. Not sexual abuse. Verbal, emotional, financial and physical abuse. She was never abused by a man. It happens, perhaps rarely, but it does happen.
One reason women abuse women is that men have taught them it is permissible to do so.
And this is very important to acknowledge as well and find the clues to such behaviour. Women can 'go under the radar' as women are usually seen as protective.
Scariest but most frustrating thing ever for me has always been our lack of physical strength.
Scariest because I’m always suddenly aware of that strength difference when a guys upset or when I’m walking somewhere at night and it just makes me feel so weak and I hate it.
Most frustrating when it’s used to mock us by certain men (not all men of course) or not take us seriously.
When I was younger I started going to the gym for the first time as did one of my colleagues. We were chatting and both of us agreed that the main advantage of getting fitter was knowing we had a better chance of running away from an attacker. At the time it didn't even occur to me that this was wrong, we both just saw it as a benefit of getting fit.
It's because women being assaulted is so common, for so very long. It's just normal, and very sad.
Load More Replies...Watching myself shrivel to the corner of the bed out of sheer terror of getting the physical manifestation of the rage and verbal vitriol I was experiencing really made me feel weak and I still have to forgive myself. (But tbh if I had acted in that moment I'd be in prison away from my kids)
Take your knuckle-dragging misanthropy elsewhere, Lee. Don't drag everything including the kitchen sink into it.
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We have to check in with our friends whenever we go on a date to make sure we have not been killed. Winter, it's like been on house lockdown because the it gets dark so early, and it's not safe in the dark by yourself outside.
It's that there are so many people who are willing to impregnate me against my will, because they see me as a mere tool. And pregnancy really destroys my body, so I don't wanna get pregnant.
"Just give it up for adoption, don't be selfish. It's only 9 months of discomfort and a bad day." I viscerally hate that people actually think like that, especially when those people are passing laws.
The first time you have your period is pretty scary even if you are prepared.
I thought there was something terribly wrong with me, nobody had told me about it.
Oh my god that is terrible. I can't imagine the fear!
Load More Replies...My mom had told me, so I was prepared, but we were on vacation and I couldn't go swimming for a week. I was mad.
That's one of the worst parts, not being able to swim
Load More Replies...I learned about periods through sex ed (in mid 90's rural Idaho- if you know anything about Idaho, especially in the current political climate, you'll know how significant just having a sex ed class is) and reading Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret? Even though I knew what to expect, I did not expect the pain. I've always had horrible period cramps. In my teens, I often missed school because the pain was so debilitating. Thankfully, since giving birth, they've calmed down enough that I'm functional that first day.
I genuinely thought I was dieing for a minute and then I calmed down when i realised what it was
My mother, a registered nurse, showed me a drawing of a sperm on 8x10 paper told me men have millions of them and it only takes one. This was right after I was handed a pad and told I was a women.... 1959
I was severely traumatized when it started. Couldn't even tell my mom because she was a bit weird about it. Last year (at 43 y/o) I learned that mom couldn't really talk about it b/c she was raped as at that age by her big brother, while on her period.
That age the boys find out how good it feels to rub one out, and the girls learn how awful and painful period is.
Mine was really awful, too. I was only 14 and it was a very bad period. Thank god I eventually found a (female) doctor willing to order an endometrial ablation to lessen the effects (I suffered for almost 3 decades.)
More annoying than scary but its the constant gaslighting when you experience a discomforting situation or you dont agree with something, i know oftentimes its simply projection but it still grinds my gears
spent 8 years of hell with a gaslighting a$$hat and I havent been in a relationship since getting him out of my life in 2005....I cant trust to let anyone that close in my life again
Being gaslit is such a mindfuck. It made me not trust myself or over-blame myself for simple things.
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A man could kill me without even breaking a sweat
Last night I was walking down a busy nightlife street (sober) and a random drunk guy grabbed my arm to get my attention. So yeah… like all the other women are commenting, men are the biggest threat.
That we live in a world where the incel population is increasing drastically.
It is if they have mental problems. There are real cases of some incels who tried to kill women, multiple women.
Load More Replies...That at any point before menopause, I can just... GET PREGNANT... and if I don't catch it in time, I must have a baby. Despite Canada having a much longer window than some states, I know of friends who only learned they were pregnant later on and just... had to deal with it. I can't even believe there was a time that ALL points of the pregnancy this was true for women. Childbirth is dangerous and hard on the body, and is my biggest fear.
Yeah, I (at 23) was told I wouldn't be able to have kids, had a reckless relationship and found out (mid thirties) that I was miscarrying. So apparently, could get pregnant, but not carry.
Funny how that doesn't seem to apply when men knock someone up and just leave lol
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Not knowing who you can trust that is probably the scariest because every man you pass by or meet is a potential threat even if they are the sweetest soul alive you still have your guard up and aren’t sure if its all an act or not. Even with friends at least I have learned that you never really know who has ulterior motives…
Men have acted so sweet and nice towards me -until they got what they wanted. There really is no telling until it's too late. You have to treat even the nicest guys as potential threats
Not knowing if the guy you’re with loves you for you or because they love your body
I've always been fat - and not good looking. I've been married twice - both times to good men. In thank the Divine that I've never had that worry - or been flashed - or anything like it.
Knowing that over 50% of the population could overpower me any time they want.
And that's all very nice, but no predator is going to wait for you to whip your gun out if you're attacked from behind
Load More Replies...pushing a baby out my hooha
And if that doesn't work out having your belly and inner organs cut open to get the dang thing out. 😒
Thank goodness I dodged that bullet! Now single, volcel and 44, very small risk left.
Knowing that whether or not someone sees you as a person worthy of agency and respect often has nothing to do with how you act or who you actually are. That goes double when you're a queer woman.
The need for constant vigilance. The series of questions that run through my head when I'm by myself in a public place. How well lit is the area? How many people are around me? How far away from me are they and how much time would I have to get away if need be? Are there enough people where, if I were attacked, I could reasonably expect someone to help?
I know. I feel like Professor Moody from Harry Potter is always in my head - "Constant vigilance, Potter, constant vigilance!"
I’m a sturdy woman. I’m stronger than every woman I know. I am still easily overpowered by a man half my weight. I’d like to think I’m safe because I’m large and look like I can handle myself but the truth is I cannot and it’s scary that any man can basically do anything.
Being SAed or murdered by a man you trusted. The average woman is not as strong as the average man, the thought that they could do it at any moment always lingers.
The concept of pregnancy.
Yeah... idk if it's just because I'm gay but the whole concept of pregnancy seems horrifying
This week I learned that babies come out of the birth canal looking utterly deformed and that was the final thing on top of all the other horrible things about it that made me wonder why TAF anyone does that... [personal opinion, mamas, stay calm]
Load More Replies...You would only need a catheter if you got an epidural, in which case, you wouldn’t feel the catheter at all. It’s actually not normal practice to use indwelling catheters even in epiduralized patients except in certain situations (mag sulfate patients for example). We usually use in and out caths. Source: me a retired LDRP RN
Load More Replies...Knowing that if war or violence breaks out, the *kindest* thing I can look forward to is a quick death.
Yes, Lee. We know. Do you do this irl too? Like, just butt into a conversation about a women's experience and say s**t like "not ALL men" or "not ME" or "Men have that TOO"
Load More Replies...men everyone talks about walking alone at night and it’s 100% true. i know that if something happens to me there’s no way i can fight back, that’s why i have to carry like, a rape whistle and mace
Mace/pepper spray is illegal to carry in the UK, so I tend to put my mortice key between my fingers when I'm walking alone. It's not much, but it's better than nothing.
Nobody is going to prosecute you if you have to use it though.
Load More Replies...Not knowing if a guy is being friends with you to take advantage of you, or if he's being actually genuine.
Never being 100% safe. No matter what!
Nobody is 100% safe, ever. But I'd say that on average, women who are around men are in more danger than men around anyone.
General safety. I hate that I have to constantly be aware of my surroundings. I purposefully bought a low key looking beige purse with a strong strap and the bag sits in front (crossbag style). I dress very dull and average if I'm spending the day out doing errands so that I don't attract attention. I literally bought dull clothes just for this purpose! I'm usually a very friendly extroverted person and I'm very cautious now on who I talk to when out, if at all, and I'm never on my phone or distracted by it.
I'll echo what many others have said. The scariest thing is having to be on guard and hyper aware of our surroundings. Going anywhere alone can be scary especially at night. Dating is a nightmare and you literally have to share your location and details with a family member or friend in case you get raped or murdered. Most women have stories of abuse or harassment of some kind by men. And men always say "not all men" and that may be true but it is so much safe to assume that any and every man you encounter could be dangerous. That fact is scary and sad and utterly exhausting 😔
How do we know which men are dangerous and which aren’t? Do the dangerous ones have it tattoed on their foreheads?
That’s the point. You don’t know. Even if you get to know them better, you still don’t really know for sure. Hell, there have been women who were married to men who never hardly even raised their voices at them, for decades, who one day are murdered by their husbands for very flimsy reasons, but mostly because they men got extremely pissed off. Sometimes not even pissed off at their wives directly, but it’s so much easier to take your anger out on someone who loves you than a stranger, because you know the person who loves you probably won’t kick your a*s into next week.
Load More Replies...The sad thing is... I just went down the list and upvoted every post.... it's all so true...what a fücking world we live in....
I can’t bring myself to upvote things that terrify people
Load More Replies...To all the men (and some women) who come to posts like this to declare: Not all men. Please ask yourself why you need to take the time to say that. When women are sharing their experiences, and talking about fearing men--of course, they do not mean ALL men. We're aware it is not all men. Many women have husbands, fathers, brothers, sons, friends, etc. who they would not categorize as predators, or problematic. So, we're aware it isn't all men. But that isn't the point. When we're having these conversations we want men who aren't "those" men to listen, and hear us. But when you stomp your foot, and pout, "Not all men," you're taking the attention off of the topic and making it about you. It's all ego. You're offended and feel the need to defend yourself, which you shouldn't if you're not one of those other men. We're not talking about YOU. Here's an example: my 21 yr old son was talking about the NHL players who are involved in the past rape that recently cropped up.
He ended the conversation by saying, "Men suck." Now does he think all men suck? No. He's a man, his brother is a man, his dad is a man. He meant men who do those things suck, and we all understood what he meant. We didn't think he literally meant ALL men. He just knows that many men are problematic, and he's disappointed in these specific men. As a white person, when people are talking about racist, or problematic white people, I don't get all butthurt and cry, "Not all white people." I know not all white people. I'm a white person. I don't consider myself racist. I know they don't mean me. So, I shut up and listen because people want to be heard. AND, I might learn something by listening. Maybe I DO have problematic behavior I'm not aware of. I don't take offense if something is brought to my attention, I leave my ego out of it because I want to be a better person. We CAN do better, but not if we're not listening because we're too busy making sure people know, "Not me!"
Load More Replies...There's nothing to say except that I'm sorry for the things women have to live with.
I want to add here that I think it's really, really brave of these women to talk about "the scariest part of being a woman." It's not easy to talk about our fears. I think the best thing we men can do here is read, think, understand, be compassionate, and most of all: don't be 'that guy'.
Load More Replies...There is a specific type of "good citizen v inconsiderate fool" complaining that irks me. A lot of "inconsiderate" public behaviors are the much safer choices for women, like listening to a phone quietly without headphones while virtually alone. Asking for a specific table in a uncrowded restaurant to be able to see from all angles. Refusing to be engaged by "friendly" men. Women don't need to be polite to a hostile world.
Apparently "no" is only a complete sentence if you repeat it and justify it.
Load More Replies...a. men inserting themselves into this article - just stop. b. Not being able to have headphones on late at night on the way home and having to take long way around to get home because of poorly lit roads on the shortcut.
Oh my god, so many men butting in in the comments to whine. LET WOMEN TALK!
For me (F50s), one of the scariest things is how bitterly angry and resentful so many males seem to be, online at least, at the idea of women being people with equal rights rather than objects. The 80s felt like the cutting edge of feminism, yet now I see so many young women making pastiches of themselves to flatter the male gaze (it's just packaging), being more afraid of violence than we were and just not able to enjoy the very real freedoms that previous generations fought for. It's very sad.
That with age, people see us as "useless" and treat us like we are invisible or just with basic cold, distant greets, no kindness, just because they have to, because it's their job. That every stranger on the street thinks it's ok to tell you "why are you walking that stupid dog / feeding those stray cats (whatever kindness to animals), better have kids instead". It's NONE of your business! You are a stranger, you can not tell me what to do with MY life!
Dear all "women do it too" people: Ranger Kanootsen was able to not be a total a*s towards people sharing their experiences and he literally was the victim of one of those women. Have you ever considered that screaming about how women are terrible on posts like these aren't actually helping male victims and is just a tool so you don't have to feel uncomfortable with the fact that women feel unsafe around you despite having done nothing wrong? Have you considered that you're a victim of the men that hurt women and not a victim of the hurt woman? Shocking, I know.
The sad thing is... I just went down the list and upvoted every post.... it's all so true...what a fücking world we live in....
I can’t bring myself to upvote things that terrify people
Load More Replies...To all the men (and some women) who come to posts like this to declare: Not all men. Please ask yourself why you need to take the time to say that. When women are sharing their experiences, and talking about fearing men--of course, they do not mean ALL men. We're aware it is not all men. Many women have husbands, fathers, brothers, sons, friends, etc. who they would not categorize as predators, or problematic. So, we're aware it isn't all men. But that isn't the point. When we're having these conversations we want men who aren't "those" men to listen, and hear us. But when you stomp your foot, and pout, "Not all men," you're taking the attention off of the topic and making it about you. It's all ego. You're offended and feel the need to defend yourself, which you shouldn't if you're not one of those other men. We're not talking about YOU. Here's an example: my 21 yr old son was talking about the NHL players who are involved in the past rape that recently cropped up.
He ended the conversation by saying, "Men suck." Now does he think all men suck? No. He's a man, his brother is a man, his dad is a man. He meant men who do those things suck, and we all understood what he meant. We didn't think he literally meant ALL men. He just knows that many men are problematic, and he's disappointed in these specific men. As a white person, when people are talking about racist, or problematic white people, I don't get all butthurt and cry, "Not all white people." I know not all white people. I'm a white person. I don't consider myself racist. I know they don't mean me. So, I shut up and listen because people want to be heard. AND, I might learn something by listening. Maybe I DO have problematic behavior I'm not aware of. I don't take offense if something is brought to my attention, I leave my ego out of it because I want to be a better person. We CAN do better, but not if we're not listening because we're too busy making sure people know, "Not me!"
Load More Replies...There's nothing to say except that I'm sorry for the things women have to live with.
I want to add here that I think it's really, really brave of these women to talk about "the scariest part of being a woman." It's not easy to talk about our fears. I think the best thing we men can do here is read, think, understand, be compassionate, and most of all: don't be 'that guy'.
Load More Replies...There is a specific type of "good citizen v inconsiderate fool" complaining that irks me. A lot of "inconsiderate" public behaviors are the much safer choices for women, like listening to a phone quietly without headphones while virtually alone. Asking for a specific table in a uncrowded restaurant to be able to see from all angles. Refusing to be engaged by "friendly" men. Women don't need to be polite to a hostile world.
Apparently "no" is only a complete sentence if you repeat it and justify it.
Load More Replies...a. men inserting themselves into this article - just stop. b. Not being able to have headphones on late at night on the way home and having to take long way around to get home because of poorly lit roads on the shortcut.
Oh my god, so many men butting in in the comments to whine. LET WOMEN TALK!
For me (F50s), one of the scariest things is how bitterly angry and resentful so many males seem to be, online at least, at the idea of women being people with equal rights rather than objects. The 80s felt like the cutting edge of feminism, yet now I see so many young women making pastiches of themselves to flatter the male gaze (it's just packaging), being more afraid of violence than we were and just not able to enjoy the very real freedoms that previous generations fought for. It's very sad.
That with age, people see us as "useless" and treat us like we are invisible or just with basic cold, distant greets, no kindness, just because they have to, because it's their job. That every stranger on the street thinks it's ok to tell you "why are you walking that stupid dog / feeding those stray cats (whatever kindness to animals), better have kids instead". It's NONE of your business! You are a stranger, you can not tell me what to do with MY life!
Dear all "women do it too" people: Ranger Kanootsen was able to not be a total a*s towards people sharing their experiences and he literally was the victim of one of those women. Have you ever considered that screaming about how women are terrible on posts like these aren't actually helping male victims and is just a tool so you don't have to feel uncomfortable with the fact that women feel unsafe around you despite having done nothing wrong? Have you considered that you're a victim of the men that hurt women and not a victim of the hurt woman? Shocking, I know.
