Join the Fun!

goodworkingorder , Stephen Andrews Report

#2

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread In a busy store, kid maybe 4 years old getting ignored.

"Dad. Dad. Dad. Daddy. Dad. Daddy. DADDY. DADDY. DAD. DADA! DADDY! DADDY! DADA! DAD! DAD!"

5 seconds later a great shout comes out this kid.

"STEEEEEEVE!"

That got dad's attention, he jumped 3 inches.

Final score:

290points

POST

Dandelion Girl 2 years ago

"steeeeeeeeve!"

131points

_MrUseless_ , August de Richelieu Report

#3

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread A group of adults were talking extremely loud about how stupid certain people were, and that includes young kids. One of the person's kid said
"At least I know I'm dumb."
I think of that kid to this day.

Final score:

258points

POST

glowworm2 2 years ago

I like this kid.

138points

#4

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread Little girl was dressed as a fast food worker for Halloween was being given s**t by her aunt for her "low choice" and that she needed to aim higher if she wanted to succeed, whole thing was really demeaning and weird. Girl fired back with: I'm only 12, what's your excuse for being poor then?

amalgamas , Dick Thomas Johnson Report

Final score:

252points

POST

Icy_Question_4977 2 years ago

She got a point

109points

#5

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread Someone in the family was pregnant, and my nieces were putting together the facts related to baby making at the time. A light bulb went off and they noted 'oh, so that means so and so had s*x.' Then, another light bulb went off and they said to their mom "oh, so that means that you and dad have had s*x too!"

They seemed skeptical, and when further questioned, said "Dad just doesn't seem like the type of person that would have s*x."

AgoraiosBum , Eren Li Report

Final score:

252points

POST

Channon Doughty 2 years ago

Adorable

79points

#6

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread When I was 22 or so I was just out of college, living at home, and working as an aide at an elementary school. I was working with a first grader who asked me if I had kids. I said no. He asked if I had a wife. I said no. The kid looks a bit confused and says, "Then who do you live with?" I said that I live with my parents and brothers. Then the kid looks even more confused and goes, "Wait... I thought you were an adult." I know he didn't mean nothing by it, but damn.

verystonnobridge , Mikhail Nilov Report

Final score:

222points

POST

Icy_Question_4977 2 years ago

He technically is

65points

#7

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread I heard a little kid saying to his mum: i thought men can't get pregnant.

Ty little bastard you were talking so loud, i reduced my alcohol consume down to 10% of what i drank before (and now limited to weekends) and lost almost 15kg since then. Yes, was on my best way of becoming an alcoholic. And i had that fat "beer tummy" while else being pretty skinny.

123fass , Towfiqu barbhuiya Report

Final score:

221points

POST

Bobert Robertson 2 years ago

Kid may just have saved your life!

233points

#8

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread My daughter is a genius and on the spectrum... this has led to some hilarious (in hindsight) encounters. My mother-in-law was spending time with the little one to get to know her better (she was an unplanned life happens adoption and will be our only child.) They were folding clothes in my MIL‘s Living room when the otherwise silent all day 3yr old turns to her and says: “My panties are too small to fold.“ she held up my MIL’s underwear she had been folding. “I can fold your panties many many times. It is because your butt is so big.” My MIL said she then held her underwear up in awe and whispered “One day I too will be gloriously fat.”

MrsBanhammer , Ron Lach Report

Final score:

200points

POST

Winter's Dream 2 years ago

For those questioning the validity, in the og post mom explains the child was intentionally starved in her previous foster home and became obsessed with food and being fat.

18points

#9

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread My 11 year old sister to one of my friends:

“Hey, did you know that if you were to eat a bee, you would have more brains in your stomach than in your head.”

A conversation I overheard between my father and sister:

My father: “Can your little legs carry your big smart mouth?”

My sister: “can your legs carry your big stomach?”

sabsteve , Ketut Subiyanto Report

Final score:

163points

POST

Down With Agent Hedgehog! 2 years ago

The 11 year old is savage

128points

#10

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread Karen to her kid: "Stop acting like a child!"
Some random kid walking by: "He is a child, what's your excuse."

CrazeMase , Nathan Dumlao Report

Final score:

153points

POST

Andrew Pugg 2 years ago

Nope

54points

#11

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread “Uncle Eric? When is your baby due?”

Kid had just learned what a pregnancy looked like. Uncle Eric was not, in fact, pregnant.

Sethrial , Taylor and Kevin Report

Final score:

144points

POST

Richard Reese 2 years ago

Some of these are obviously made up, but I think this one is rather common. I remember when my mom was pregnant with my younger brother and she was explaining it to me, I pointed at my dad's belly and asked if he was pregnant as well. Given the age difference between me and my brother, I would of been about 7.

56points

#12

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread I’m a high school teacher. Once a student came up to me and said “Ms. ____ has anyone told you that you look nice today?” I said “Aww. Thank you! They haven’t.” She then said “Good. I wanted to make sure no one was lying to you.” And walked away.

hjnatt , Karolina Grabowska Report

Final score:

131points

POST

Michael Pippa 2 years ago

Awful thing to say.

167points

#13

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread The other day my 6 year old daughter was sitting next to me and looked me right in the eye and said “why do you have a mustache?”

I’m a woman, by the way.

kay37892 , Tatiana Syrikova Report

Final score:

116points

POST

Alecto76 2 years ago

This is why I'm afraid of talking to children

93points

#14

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread I was at a public safety education event for grades 5/6 representing EMS. I was showing a kid some of the advanced things we do and her teacher asked "So, would you want to be a Paramedic?"

Her reply...."No, I'm going to study business, I want to be able to pay my bills".

Still kinda stings.

Zenmedic , Max Fischer Report

Final score:

113points

POST

Vector 2 years ago

that low-key sad...

51points

#15

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread "Dad, I drew you with no hair, because you pretty much don't have any." My 5-year-old son

sanchower , holytimeland Report

Final score:

112points

POST

Tacocat 2 years ago

Aww how considerate<3

54points

#16

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread Halloween was coming soon, my sister was talking to one of my 5 yo cousins. "Hey honey! What do you think your mommy should dress like for halloween? A princess?". The kid smiled: "She's waaay too ugly for a princess! Mommy should be a witch!"

We kept quiet for the rest of the day. Mommy never knew.

ShinitaiMeiko , Monstera Report

Final score:

109points

POST

Ronda News Channel 2 years ago

You should keep the secret forever

84points

#17

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread My ex was a heavy dude. He changed his shirt in front of his 4 year old nephew, who looked at his belly confused and genuinely asked him if his stomach was his butt.

Asak0pt3r Report

Final score:

98points

POST

Channon Doughty 2 years ago

Rofl

47points

#18

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread I was washing dishes in the kitchen and singing to myself and my 4yr old walked in with her face screwed up and said "mummy you cant sing, it's hurting my ears". She's not wrong though because I definitely can't sing. It's brutal honesty daily from her.

H3ll0KITTYBEC , cottonbro Report

Final score:

96points

POST

keighterz 2 years ago (edited)

If it makes you feel better, Dwayne Johnson posted a video of himself singing his song from the movie Moana and his daughter said, “daddy, stop, you’re ruining the song.” And he’s like, “that is literally my voice, I voiced the character?”

118points

kickboxingastronaut , U.S. Army Corps of Enginee Report

#19

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread Last week my husband who works at a local grocery store overheard a mother pushing her two kids in a cart and complaining about how heavy they were. The older child, probably around 7 years old looks at her and says, "You're the one who decided to have two kids". Looks like someone spends a lot of time at his grandparent's house.

Final score:

82points

POST

Crystal galvan mendez 2 years ago

What's sad is that there's a 7 year old sitting in a shopping cart!

32points

#20

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread My friend when he was about 4 was in trouble so he had to be in the kitchen with his mom where she could see him. He was bored and wanted to play but she wouldn’t let him so he looked at her and said in his sweetest voice “mom if you’re here, who’s running hell?” Still the most savage burn I’ve seen in a while.

Taggy2087 , olia danilevich Report

Final score:

75points

POST

Megan 2 years ago

That didn’t happen.

202points

#21

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread Adult teaching child.

Child trying to re explain what the adult is saying.

The adult correcting the child.

The child, "What language do you speak?"

Adult, "Uh...English. Same as you."

Child, "If we both speak English, why don't you understand what I am saying??"

Brought to you by a 5 year old in kindergarten.

0010010017 , Mikhail Nilov Report

Final score:

74points

POST

Autistic apricot 2 years ago

That can be said about anyone

20points

#22

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread When speaking my second language, a six year old told me "You don't sound like you're foreign, you just sound like there's something wrong with your mouth."

CalmDream0 , Marcus Quigmire Report

Final score:

73points

POST

EpicWolfandSparrow 2 years ago

Oop😳

27points

#23

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread My three year old daughter walked up to a man in a wheelchair whilst we were in the supermarket, looked him straight in the face and said “You’re too old for a pram”

carywhiite , Rural Institute Report

Final score:

70points

POST

Monique Reed 2 years ago

This is teaching moment. A) How to apologize to someone you have been accidentally rude to, and B) how some people have bodies that make them need to have help. A three year old can understand that grandma needs glasses to help her see; she is old enough to understand that the man needs a special chair to get around.

114points

#24

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread When I was around 4 or 5 we went to Canada to attend my grandfathers funeral. It was a long time coming so my grandmother had been handling it well. We stayed up there for about 2 weeks after since it was summer and we usually spent august up there anyways, but this time as we were pulling out of the driveway to head back south I leaned out the window and shouted "Bye Grandma! Love you! Don't die now!"

shroom2021 , Tim Mossholder Report

Final score:

65points

POST

tara 2 years ago

I remember asking my Gram for a Christmas ornament of hers, when she said it was her favorite, I asked her if I could have it when she dies. Merry Christmas!

53points

#25

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread was chilling at a wedding, the bridesmaids were sitting there with the 5 year old flower girl. one of the bridesmaids said she wished she would be the next to get married and the flower girl said "no becky you are too ugly to get married". i burst out laughing.

demonardvark , Quinn Dombrowski Report

Final score:

64points

POST

The Fabulous Killjoy 2 years ago

“No Becky”

70points

#26

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread In my younger 20s I had horrible acne. I was a cashier at CVS. A customer's young daughter asked me why I had so many bug bites on my face. It took all my strength to not cry in front of that customer.

pongo49 , Ketut Subiyanto Report

Final score:

63points

POST

tara 2 years ago

AWwwwwww that's terrible. A lot of these stories are funny...until I imagine it being said to me.

81points

#27

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread My sister looked at me and said, "you look like you're pregnant, but you're not"

LaunchesKayaks , Craig Adderley Report

Final score:

61points

POST

Vicky De Raedemaeker 2 years ago

Mean sister

30points

#28

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread My little brother asked if he’d have a mustache like me when he grew up. I’m a girl.

_thebeees_kneees_ , Summer Report

Final score:

61points

POST

Pamela Worthington Smack 2 years ago

So the answer is the same for both of you.

23points

Odd_Cantaloupe_1626 , Liza Summer Report

#29

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread My 10 year old daughter told me, "it's okay mom - there are lots of people more chubby than you."

Final score:

52points

POST

asexualotl (she/her) 2 years ago

she's TEN??? too old. that was definitely intentionally mean (if OP was already insecure) and she's not a good person. downvote me all you want but i'm not too much older than OP's child and i can confirm that when my friends and i were that age, no one said anything like that.

67points

#30

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread When my brother was 3 or 4, I told him about Buerger Disease, so he would approach smoking strangers in the park and inform them that they will have to have their leg cut off...

ACrypticFish , Kaique Rocha Report

Final score:

51points

POST

glowworm2 2 years ago

I can’t stop laughing at this one.

36points

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#31

My 13 year old sister, grandmother, myself, and my mom were playing poker. Sis takes every chip from mom in a stellar hand. Mom gets up pouting, sis dead a*s looks at her and says “you should probably go wash your hair, considering I just mopped the floor with it.” Me and my grandma DIED LAUGHING.

Final score:

22points

POST

Jack Harris 1 year ago

😂

2points

#32

My niece said to my sister: “Mommy, you look like you fell from heaven.... And hit every branch on the way down.”

darthbiscuit80 Report

Final score:

21points

POST

Tacocat 2 years ago

Valiant effort! Almost had it.

13points

#33

Not to an adult, but still hilarious. First thing in the morning, as our 12 year old daughter was stumbling into the living room, our 5 year old son turned to her and deadpanned, "Keira, I don't love you. And I never have."

Our 12 yearold who is used to our 5 year old's b******t, was just like, "Thanks buddy."

It was a brutal way to wake up.

kinzer13 Report

Final score:

20points

POST

Brittany 2 years ago

It's not too late to correct that behavior. Yikes!

10points

#34

When I shaved my nephew said, "Wow, you look bad, you look like your Dad."

Two birds with one stone.

Steam-Crow Report

Final score:

20points

POST

Max M 2 years ago

Remember to use,,, or such. I thought you were shaving your nephew

19points

#35

My 4-5 year old nephew was looking at a picture of me holding him when he was a baby. He asked why I was holding him in the picture. I told him at that time he liked me more than anybody else. He then asks me, “Why wasn’t *cousin’s name* holding me then?” That cousin was his current favorite.

My niece when she was 3-4 years old pointed at my class ring and asked if it was my “married ring”. I told her it wasn’t. She then said, “Oh so no one wants to marry you?” Me, “Ahh..guess not.”

PoppinPuddinPops Report

Final score:

20points

POST

#36

My mom had my younger sister a lot older than she had me and my other siblings, there is an 18 year difference between us. My mom always talks about how old she is (usually in a joking sense when its hard to get up from the couch). They stopped by to visit me the other day and as my mom got up from the chair, she goes "ugh, I'm getting old!". My sassy 8 year old sis goes, "the only thing getting old is you saying you're old." She's too funny.

frittermo Report

Final score:

19points

POST

R.A. Haley 1 year ago

Don't downvote simple ignorance. Explain kindly instead, like Lexipoo did.

3points

#37

When I was around 7 fire department came for my grandma after she fell. Mom was talking to firefighter about something and he had a really long neck. I just blurted out "you look like an alien" the guys by the truck overheard and busted out laughing. My mom was so embarrassed and the guy just laughed as well.

SeleniteLights66 Report

Final score:

19points

POST

Audra Sisler 2 years ago

They already live amongst us ya know👽👽👽 LOL

12points

#38

At an elementary school daycare when I was 8-9, one of my friends got annoyed so he asked one the daycare counselors, "Aren't we paying you to be here?" Instant silence.

Weighs5LitersWide Report

Final score:

19points

POST

(Anti)Social Penguin 2 years ago

That’s a karen in the making.

23points

#39

Giving my 11 year old nieces advice before they start middle school, telling them how mean other tweens can be and that I’m there for them if they need support. One of them responds “you must have been a real loser in middle school”

THANKS

KenComesInABox Report

Final score:

18points

POST

tara 2 years ago

You sound like a great uncle!

11points

#40

“Kids these days misbehave so much.”

“Didn’t you raise me?”

ConfusedFanGirl0502 Report

Final score:

18points

POST

#41

My neighbor was about 2 years old and he was running around their house and going to touch some shoes and was gonna keep them in his mouth. My dad saw him, told him no don't do that and fake scolded him. The kid in his adorable lisp and bare minimum vocabulary said " You are talking too much. Go to your office" in our language.

This has been our family's go to line the now 10 year old is super embarrassed by it.

Final score:

18points

POST

Jill Bussey 2 years ago

How can you keep shoes in your mouth?

5points

#42

I was playing “the floor is lava” with my then 4yr old niece. I pretended to start drowning in lava reaching my hand out to her yelling, “Please help me”. My niece pops her head over the edge of the couch, looks straight into my eyes and whispered, “No one is going to save you.”

I drowned, “died”, and never played lava with her again.

thefreshestpeach Report

Final score:

17points

POST

Bubbles and sparks 2 years ago

Oh jeez, I hope it was just a phase and not the first insight of her nature...

3points

#43

My 4 year old daughter told me at dinner not to long ago:
You look nice! You don't look like yourself!
Well thanks, I guess.....

birleo Report

Final score:

17points

POST

#44

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread Nana says 'George Bush Sr. and I only have one thing in common, we both hate broccoli.' My daughter responds, ' one day soon, you will have two things in common.'

scheffj , cottonbro Report

Final score:

17points

POST

Ronda News Channel 2 years ago

When pride turns to regret

4points

PhreedomPhighter , Tima Miroshnichenko Report

#45

My 6 year old daughter was working on a "science experiment" as in mixing random kitchen pantry stuff.

Daughter: Mom come here I need a big person!
Me: You mean an adult?
S**t you not she looks me up and down with this skeptical look and says, "yea but you'll do"

StardustSilverFox Report

Final score:

17points

POST

#46

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread My 8 year old niece-in-law was talking to my brother and me. Since her aunt was dating my brother she asked me who my girlfriend was. I said I didn't have one. She said "Oh... some people are just supposed to be alone, I guess."

Gee, thanks.

Final score:

16points

POST

Icy_Question_4977 2 years ago

BURN!!!!

5points

#47

My son. Asian store. About 6 years ago.
"Daddy it smells in here" me shushing him trying to get him to shut up. He continues " it smells worse than you". Mind you, he has no concept for inside voice.

KingwoodSloth Report

Final score:

16points

POST

tara 2 years ago

I Didn't notice the period and I thought it said their sons name was Asian Store. I guess I say embarrassing things too.

9points

#48

3 year old to me: "Are you a boy or a girl?"

IrianJaya Report

Final score:

16points

POST

Destinee Davis 2 years ago

Some random kid did that to me once, his mom turned stared at me for a few seconds and loudly exclaimed "he's a boy". I'm in fact a woman just happened to be sick and not wearing makeup lol.

22points

#49

Back when my daughter was 2, she loudly asked "Mommy, where's your butt?!?" (I can't gain weight for the life of me) My sister thought it was hilarious until later on when reading a book the 2y/o pointed to a picture of a cow and said "That's Auntie B!!"

skittlemuffin6 Report

Final score:

16points

POST

#50

5 year old daughter looked at me and out of nowhere said "I don't think your fat mum... You're just a teeeennnnsssssyyyy bit chunky" used her fingers for emphasis too, cheers buddy.

3 year old yesterday morning walked into my bedroom, pointed at me and called me a ballbag. Died laughing as it was so unexpected but his father and I had some words.

CheshireCat232 Report

Final score:

15points

POST

tara 2 years ago

What is a ball bag!?!

2points

#51

A boy said to the older, operatic soprano soloist after a concert:

"When you sing it makes my ears *hurt!*"

Back2Bach Report

Final score:

15points

POST

#52

I was in fifth grade and had a substitute teacher that got into a pretty heated argument with one of the kids in the class. Finally the sub says “you see this is why I never had kids” and without missing a beat the kid says “no you never had kids because no woman would come within 10 feet of you”. The sub got pretty quiet after that.

P0pEgrAff Report

Final score:

15points

POST

Icy_Question_4977 2 years ago

BURN!!!

7points

#53

Used to work at a superstore (think blue uniforms...) and I customized my vest with colorful pins and wore heavy makeup to work to give myself a unique ‘style’. One day I was straightening a shelf when a child that couldn’t have been older than five pointed at me and said “look mommy, it’s a clown!”

... Honestly, this is fair.

antiloquist Report

Final score:

15points

POST

#54

When I was 4-5 years old I was sitting in my step mom's lap in the car (good ole 90's when car safety was less of a concern) and I was slapping her leg, uncovered because of her shorts. I said, "it ripples like a pool!"...I did not realize until I was older why she was so offended.

Stny3012 Report

Final score:

14points

POST

Rost it 2 years ago

"good ole 90s when car safety was not a concern". Bullspit. Car safety was a thing since the late 70s and 1980s. Sorry (not really), things were not that tough back then. Child car seats were the norm, facing infants backwards was standard, seatbelts were a law. Your mom was just irresponsible.

13points

#55

My 6 year old cousin, 4 at the time, told me "you wear pajamas in the day because you're a disaster."

_Fengo Report

Final score:

14points

POST

Pizzagirl 91 2 years ago

That sounds like something he's heard grownups say...

16points

#56

My friend and I went to an amusement park together when we were about 9-10.
We walked past a haunted house at some point and an actor dresses as a zombie walked around in front of it to "scare" people and get them interested.

This dude walks up to us with the whole zombie walk and limping stuff and my friend just keeps on walking and talking. He follows her for just a few steps to see if she would stop eventually but she just turns around, goes dead silent and deadpans: Do I have a magnet shoved up my a*s or *why* are you following me??

The dude totally lost it and started laughing. Imagine a small kid with glasses and cute freckles in a dress saying s**t like that with a straight face. Makes me smile everytime I think about it.

QueeferSutherland34 Report

Final score:

14points

POST

#57

This one was said to me by the younger sister of a kid I coached. She was about 8 and her brother was in high school. I was joking around with the family saying how much the kid was a handful. It was all tongue in cheek as this kid was one of my favorites. His 8 year old sister chimes in and says “Why would he listen to you?! Your torso is longer than your legs”
I still don’t know how offended by this I should be... but I feel like it’s a lot.

Final score:

13points

POST

tara 2 years ago

How observant.

3points

#58

30 Times Honest Kids Slam-Dunked Adults With Savage Roasts, As Shared In This Online Thread I was picking up my cousin from daycare, when a little girl super loudly asked "Mom, why does your vulva have a moustache?"

el_pobbster , Ron Lach Report

Final score:

12points

POST

tara 2 years ago (edited)

I think education for the little ones is great...but once you teach a little kid the word vulva (or any private anatomy words)..well embarrassment shall ensue.

8points

#59

I was visiting a high-end resort town last month and heard a mother on the sidewalk say “I wish I could retire here” and her son (8-ish?) laughed and said “you’re never going to retire.”

celerybration Report

Final score:

12points

POST

Sarah Carknard 2 years ago

From the mouths of babes

2points

#60

My sister was a nanny to two little girls, ages 2 and 4. She brought them over to my parents' house and I was just settling in to bake in the sun in my bikini. I opened the deck door to walk outside to greet them but the door got a little jammed, so I tried to squeeze through, but those Freshman 15 were holding me back a little. Without missing a beat the 4-year-old turned to her little sister and said in a hushed tone, "You see, she can't get through because she's too fat."

TinyDancer301 Report

Final score:

12points

POST

#61

My 6 year old son: love you mummy!

His mum / my wife: love you too Ben - and what about your dad?

Son: well, I like him a bit, I suppose

Me: :(

ShadyAidyX Report

Final score:

12points

POST

#62

I was told by an acquaintances daughter that i was skinny and fat at the same time.

hammy070804 Report

Final score:

12points

POST

tara 2 years ago

So you are perfect!

5points

#63

My 7 year old: "Dad, you're going to be 40 soon. That's old."

Me: "Are you going to put me into a retirement home when I turn 40?"

7yo: "No, you'll still have to work 25 more years before you can retire."

oof

Kramanos Report

Final score:

11points

POST

#64

An old uncle was laying in the coffin at the funeral viewing and one of his buddy’s that knew him his whole life knew that he liked to smoke Chesterfield cigarettes so he pulled out a fresh pack and stuck them in the uncles shirt picket. Then he placed a zippo lighter in his hands that were clasp over his chest. A little kid standing nearby watching the whole think shouted out “he won’t need that lighter where he’s going!”

Heartbypass5 Report

Final score:

11points

POST

Freddie Torsten 2 years ago

Yeah...

3points

#65

My five year old and I needed to talk to our neighbor for some reason (2 years ago) as soon as we stepped in my kid said, "God it's a mess and it smells! You need to clean up after yourself!"

My kid had a point thou.

Final score:

11points

POST

Gabriel Vonadler 2 years ago

No,your kid has no maner and respekt

12points

#66

My bro in law is a bonehead. My sis was explaining something about their new car purchase and my 4 year told niece says to me - “auntie I don’t think daddy ever knows what he is talking about” with the most serious face. She is pretty intuitive for being such a little human.

soulshine82 Report

Final score:

11points

POST

Tacocat 2 years ago

None of us do, kiddo. We wing it til we can't no more

10points

#67

"Why does your hair smell like a horse?"

Said to me by 3 yo little cousin.

Ofbearsandmen Report

Final score:

11points

POST

Kelley Baltierra 1 year ago

Horses are amazing. That's a compliment in my book

0points

#68

Our friend son, said "do you know that my dad can not satisfy my mother " his father wished to disappear at that moment

uzumaki_bey Report

Final score:

10points

POST

Blue Mar 2 years ago

I'm sure he was talking about quality of his father cleaning 😏

6points

#69

My 4 year old sister called my 9 year old cousin homeless after he wouldn’t let her sit in his lap.

starrrlight Report

Final score:

10points

POST

#70

Kid at park "Who's that you were talking to?"

My kid "That's my dad."

Other kid "Oh. He looks more like a grandad."

Ego deflates.

goodworkingorder Report

Final score:

10points

POST

Icy_Question_4977 2 years ago

Once, i saw a young girl doing gymnastics with what looks like her grandmother. So I was a little surprised that a grandmother could do a cartwheel. Then, I heard the little calling her ‘Mom’. I was shocked but didn’t show it.

6points

#71

Heard some kid say to his parent " they won't find your body after I'm done with you"

ShadowBlade470 Report

Final score:

10points

POST

Bubbles and sparks 2 years ago (edited)

Hope that kid didn't grow up to become the next serial killer and it was just something he heard somewhere :(

3points

#72

When I was about 4 or 5 one of my aunts had a miscarriage. Hearing that she had lost her baby I went up to her and said : I was in my moms belly too but my mom didn’t loose me. She started crying...

Ripcut Report

Final score:

10points

POST

tara 2 years ago

:(

3points

#73

My niece asked me, "Auntie jemmo, why aren't you pretty like Mommy?" Oof.

jemmo_ Report

Final score:

10points

POST

#74

My cousin once told me that I didn't have a boyfriend because "guys like boobs and you don't have any". I have never hit a child but holy f**k.

Loniceraa Report

Final score:

10points

POST

EpicWolfandSparrow 2 years ago

Thank you for not hitting that kid.

4points

#75

This one time when I was a kid, me and my family were out eating at a restaurant. Everything was fine until I notice the table next to us. The man (a very big man) had a HUGE plate of mussel, and he was scarfing them down like I had rarely seen. Then this man let a serious burp come out. My whole family heard it. That's when I turned around to face the man, looking at him with huge round eyes. He said ''sorry about that'' to which I replied ''don't worry about it, pig'' I was around 8 years old. I don't quite remember his reaction, but my dad sometimes reminds me of this story.

peekosama Report

Final score:

9points

POST

#76

A few years ago my nephew told me that my "feet are weird".

I can't explain it but I still think about that sometimes

PoogeMuffin Report

Final score:

9points

POST

tara 2 years ago

I was told I have feet like ETs hands. To be fair I can pick stuff up with my toes, and do so all of the time so I don't have to bend over.

4points

#77

My aunt totally babies my 7 year old cousin. The other day he looked straight at my aunt as said "bring me water you filthy peasant" and she literally said nothing and got him water. If that was my kid id punt him across the room.

spicyquesarito Report

Final score:

9points

POST

Bubbles and sparks 2 years ago

I'd peasant this one up to his bedroom quicker then he could spell the word. However.... in some households/cultures, women are nothing but slaves to their family and are there to serve...

6points

#78

Kid in school: "Why should i listen to you? You dont know any more than what that paper says

Bigmaninaspliff Report

Final score:

9points

POST

#79

Me to my 6 y.o. son: Ya know, there are a lot of things about you that remind me of me.

6 y.o. son: Yeah, you wish.

whointhewhatinthe Report

Final score:

9points

POST

#80

When I was a kid, my dads friend used to make fun of me for playing with wrestlers.

One day he asked me.
"Are you still playing with them half naked men?"

I replied.
"At least mine are toys"

TP3_12 Report

Final score:

9points

POST

hanginwithmygnomies 2 years ago

...

3points

GermysBedazzledBalls Report

#81

My 5 yr old to my mum the other day “Hey Nan how old are you? 95?” She’s just turned 70.

Final score:

9points

POST

Bubbles and sparks 2 years ago

lol, kids have no concept of age. When I was a toddler, I thought my parents were old. When I became a parent and now 56, my son, almost 30m thinks I;m old..... In my mind only my body gets old, my mind just gets wiser with the years that pass ;) and age just totally isn't an issue anymore...

3points

#82

i once said to my aunt "you're much fatter than my mummy"

babybee123_ Report

Final score:

8points

POST

#83

My friend and I were leaving our local fireworks show when we were teens and this little kid in front of us turned around, while still holding his parent’s hand, and looked straight in my eyes and yelled “YOU WERE A MISTAKE!” Like full on, raspy voiced and everything.

ayohyo Report

Final score:

8points

POST

Erin E 2 years ago

I bet he heard his parents say that ☹️

5points

#84

We were playing a game of horse shoe, me and my nephew (7 y/o) vs my brother in law and my dad.

My nephew was on fire. Hitting dinger after dinger. We won and my brother in law went to shake my nephew's hand while saying congratulations. My nephew pulled his hand through his hair and said "I don't shake hands with losers"!

SaucyCouch369 Report

Final score:

8points

POST

Lorraine R 2 years ago

Baby Trump

2points

#85

My little sister.. maybe 4 yrs old tops in the elevator at my grandparents retirement home. Little old lady gets off the elevator and looks back at sis; "Bye bye sweet heart". Sis, "Bye bye scum bucket". Elevator door closes.

Jahnknob Report

Final score:

7points

POST

Lorraine R 2 years ago

Not funny. Who uses language like this in front of a preschooler?

6points

#86

When I was like 5 my dad asked me why I always asked my mom to treat my boo-boos when he’s a doctor. I said, “you’re not a doctor” so after a lot of arguing I said I was gonna call my grandma. My mom stepped in and confirmed my dad is a doctor (PhD) in Physics. I declared, “that’s not a real doctor!” 5 years of grad school in physics just to have your daughter say you’re not a real doctor, ooof.

PoorCorrelation Report

Final score:

7points

POST

Karin Gibson 2 years ago

Well truthfully you are a doctor by name and not a medical doctor.

6points

#87

I was playing a car-spotting game with my niece while I was driving her somewhere and was getting a bit bored with it, so I suddenly declared "Yay! I'm the winner!". She scoffed and in a low voice mumbled "Yeah, right. You'll NEVER be a winner."

El_Suavador Report

Final score:

7points

POST

Jack Harris 1 year ago

NOT funny.

1point

#88

When we were little, my mom had a friend that none of us liked. One time she came over and was talking about a new boyfriend and my older sister said "hey (mom's friend), is your boyfriend's mustache as thick as yours? "

thisfriend Report

Final score:

7points

POST

#89

That was probably me. My uncle likes to just sit on the couch all day at his parents' house and since this covid thing happened he lost his job. Now he sits on the couch 10 times as much and does not even acknowledge his own daughter. One day he came over to my house to swim since all pools were closed and he does not have one. He eventually said, "Man! My back really hurts like all the time!" So I said "Probably because you sat on the same couch for 15 years." My mom laughed so hard and so did I. Even my uncle cracked a little giggle.

smasher0699 Report

Final score:

7points

POST

joop 2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

#90

One day I was at the zoo and some kid randomly said: 'hé grandpa, those monkeys look like you'

TheSlaveRipper Report

Final score:

7points

POST

#91

My mom got into trouble at work for emailing a friend from her work email when I was about 8yo. I told her that she should've been fired. She was a good parent, 22 years later I still remember saying that.

lpbbinc Report

Final score:

6points

POST

Erin E 2 years ago

If my company kept as close a watch on their employees emails, we’d all be fired.

3points

pickleandsabresmom Report

#92

when my ex boyfriend was 5 years old, he wrote “kiss my a*s” on a piece of paper and slid it under the door while his dad was in the bathroom. i laughed for hours when they told me the story.

Final score:

6points

POST

#93

*Just because you are a parent, doesn't mean that you will say whatever and I will believe. If you don't know, just keep quiet*

**6 year old boy (neighbour's son) was not pleased when the mother said that there were 9 planets**

trendz19 Report

Final score:

5points

POST

Adam Zad 2 years ago

I don't care what the Astronomical Union says, Pluto is a planet!

4points

ripcelinedionhusband Report

#94

I saw my nephew (4) shopping with his step mum she says hi to me and he ignores me, I asked what his problem was and he replies “I don’t know you bruh” only changed a thousand of his nappies, don’t worry 😂

BlackHammer1312 Report

Final score:

5points

POST

#95

My friend's precocious 4yo over cake and tea: "you know, my mummy speaks broken English."

FTR my friend speaks five languages fluently and a couple of more fairly well, but she does have a slight accent.

orthostasisasis Report

Final score:

5points

POST

#96

Growing up we went on a big family trip with my cousins and uncles/aunts/etc. My cousin who was also a teenager at the time, got into a big tantrum about the trip and escalated a huge fight with my uncle.

He said something along the lines of how my uncle doesn’t make much money and can’t provide for their family or something. It was extremely gut wrenching to hear at the time but even more so now that I’m a working adult.

Final score:

5points

POST

K Sir 1 year ago (edited)

That is some entitled sh*t. His karma is not going to be pretty.

1point

#97

Was visiting with my aunt a couple months ago and she has a 4 year old son. She let me know he had a birthday party coming up at the community pool and told me I was invited. She walked out of the room and he looked me dead in the eyes and said “mommy said you can come but I think your too fat and might scare my friends so you're not allowed to swim”. Took everything in me not to drop kick a child that day.

toricoffey3644 Report

Final score:

5points

POST

tara 2 years ago

I hope you didn't bring him a gift!!

6points

little-miss-sparrow Report

#98

when I was about 2, my aunt begged my mom to let her take me around town to do some errands with her. Mom agreed and off we went. One of the neighbor ladies was standing at the doorway of her house and my aunt stopped to say hello. My aunt was carrying me, and said that the whole time they talked I just stared at the lady. Didn't take my eye off of her. My aunt and I eventually continued on our way, did the errands and walked back home. We once again passed by the neighbor lady's house, and my aunt stopped to talk to her again. I also proceeded to intensely stare at the lady. The lady tells my aunt how cute I was, and started to baby talk me. I then turned to my aunt and very loudly asked "aunt, why is that lady so ugly". My aunt never took me on errands again until i was well into my teens.

Final score:

5points

POST

Andrew Pugg 2 years ago

Hmmmmm

2points