BAM!!! 🤣😂

Something something Grease.

Unfortunately, this is too true for many :(

1,989 × 10^30 kg - Minus 4 apples give or take.

I diversify. Some of my money is in the bank, some at my local supermarket, some at the garage, some at the Tax Office, some with insurance companies...

Sometimes my life can be ex-CRUCIO-ting.

Can I just look at Jason Momoa instead?

🕺🏽

Those fart clouds usually are made of Linux servers after all...

I can't believe BP didn't censor that!! That's disgusting.

funny

I dont get it can someone pls explain?

Lol I process prescriptions and there's one doctor we get them from regularly that has THE Worst handwriting. I call up the nurse to see what it says. "I don't know, I was hoping you would."

It's just a prescription for narcotics.

HAHAHAH

Or on the telephone.

I doubt I'll get around to it even then tbh!

"Well, son, you're old enough now for us to tell you, you are adopted. Pack your bags, your new parents will be here shortly"

And mask wearing before it was cool. I have to make an effort to not think of the small creepy crawlies everywhere so I don't turn into a less interesting version of Adrian Monk.

meanwhile other business is smart and use it for advertising like intelligent folks.

Hey, they were respectful, used sir and everything!

Parasites lots

60 year old me after losing all my goods, health and sanity. Gott sei dank. I wasn't looking forward to the effort of getting rid of it all.

At least they ask if you are busy...

... or arriving at your destination and discovering your passengers have buggered off and left their windows down!

My brother basically

Mentally chanting, please don't talk to me, please don't try to befriend me, please leave me alone

Waking up is fine, it's when I start thinking that's difficult

Welcome to adulthood, population 90% ish.

That is one way to let someone know that you know they broke any promise of privacy.

Kids these days still use these

why is Xavier Wolf everywhere. who is this dude

»I'm single because my name is Zach Galfianakis and when the rumors are true, I'm privately beyond worse than any other douchebag on this planet.«

yes

Literally me

Efficiency!

If one kid can stay home alone and repel two robbers, I can too, mom.

"Go back to their lairs, And I say to them, "Bears, Just look how I'm walking in all the squares!" And the little bears growl to each other, "He's mine, As soon ...

I follow my sports teams on IG. I brought my partner a different sports jersey, unrelated to any of my accounts, all my IG ads were for her sports team not mine. I mean, I know it's a thing, but that's blatant.

Y'all get sleep???

This is very emotional for me because I was born at a very young age. This first two years of my life, I couldn't even walk. I couldn't even fend for myself. There would be times- I remember it so well- there would be times that I would wake up, and there would just be s**t in my pants!

But the hero was tutored by an Almighty Janitor ;)

Sorry to disagree, but "hiding" these mini-splits while keeping the esthetics of a place is a great way to keep areas air-conditioned at a very low cost.

The mondegreen is strong with this person

Beautiful. Something to which we can all aspire.

Even grandmas aren't old enough to fall for that one.

Ouch!

I won't realise though. And keep wondering why you're always busy, until eventually even I give up trying to contact you, because I don't want to be a bother. You've won. Well done. Just say you're bored and save us all a lot of time.

Key*s*? I only got one, and it's scratched all over from overusage.

Wow, even the puppets can't get a raise, and they are controlled by strings and hands and machines.