How much did Santa's sleigh cost?

It was on the house.

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What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish.

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Headless Roach

Headless Roach

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1 year ago

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Very VERY North

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Why does Santa go through the chimney?

Because it soots him.

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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

A "Holly" Davidson.

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What was wrong with the Grinch on Christmas?

He was feeling claus-trophobic.

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Who is Santa's least favorite reindeer?

Rude-olph.

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Why don't you ever see Santa Claus in the hospital?

Because he has private elf care.

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MORGAN LILE

MORGAN LILE

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*confusion*

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Where does Santa cash his checks?

At the snow bank.

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MORGAN LILE

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cringe

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What's red and green and flies?

A sleigh-sick Santa.

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What's big and jolly and says, "Oh, oh, oh"?

Santa Claus walking backwards.

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How does Santa get his sleigh to fly?

"I have no eye deer."

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Why does Santa feel indebted to the elves?

Because he's an elf-made man.

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Who forgets to put on his underpants, then goes out to deliver presents?

Saint Knicker-less!

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How does Santa take pictures?

With his Pole-aroid camera.

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What do you call a crab that eats mince pies?

Santa Claws.

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What secret society would Santa never be a part of?

The Illuminaughty!

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What do you call Santa on a break?

Santa pause.

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What would you get if Santa was crossed with Sherlock?

Santa clues.

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Who delivers Christmas presents to cats and dogs?

Santa Paws.

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What did Santa name his pet frog?

Mistletoad.

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Why are elves such great motivational speakers?

They have plenty of elf-confidence.

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What’s the difference between a knight and Santa Claus?

One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh.

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Why wouldn’t you want to get into a fight with Santa?

He has a black belt.

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What’s Santa’s go-to fast food order?

A frosty.

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What did the elves call Santa when he accidentally stepped on a bag of cashews?

A nutcracker.

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What do you call an elf who sings?

A wrapper.

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Why is Christmas just like your job?

You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets the credit.

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What do you call Santa when he's wearing earmuffs?

Anything, he can't hear you.

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What's Santa's favorite candy?

Jolly Ranchers.

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Why does Santa have trouble spelling?

He thinks the alphabet has Noel.

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What's Santa's favorite potato chip?

Kringles.

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What do you call a cat who works for Santa?

Santa Claws.

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Who’s Santa’s favorite singer?

Elfish Presley.

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What is Santa’s dog’s name?

Santa Paws.

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How do elves respond when Santa takes attendance?

“Present!”

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Why is the alphabet in the North Pole different than the normal alphabet?

The North Pole’s alphabet has Noel.

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When someone delivers a package to Santa, what do they do?

Ring the (jingle) bell.

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What does Santa say on the night of Christmas?

"Time to hit the sack!"

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What’s Santa’s go-to doughnut order?

A jolly-filled doughnut.

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Why was Santa having money problems?

He was nickel-less.

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What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santa on his birthday?

“Freeze a jolly good fellow!”

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What smells the most in Santa’s sleigh?

Santa’s nose.

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Anytime something happens that Santa can’t believe, what does he say?

“That’s (chest)nuts!”

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Why does Mrs. Claus love the Christmas season?

It makes her feel so santa-mental.

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What kind of weather is Santa’s favorite?

Sweater weather.

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What kind of bread did Santa make during quarantine?

Gingerbread.

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How do you wash your hands at Christmas?

With hand Santa-tizer!

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Why does Santa like his reindeer to have antlers?

So he can get better TV reception in the sleigh!

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Why was Santa forced to shut his grotto?

He was being investigated by the Elf and Safety Executive!

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Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?

No, they already have names!

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What do you call Santa Clause's reindeer wranglers?

Jolly Ranchers!

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How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh and reindeer?

Nothing, it's on the house!

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What do you call Santa’s little helpers?

Subordinate Clauses!

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Which one of Santa’s reindeer has the best moves?

Dancer!

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What does Santa spend his wages on?

Jingle Bills!

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Why doesn’t Santa eat junk food?

Because it’s bad for your elf!

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Who delivers Christmas presents to baby sharks?

Santa Jaws.

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Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?

Because he had low elf esteem!

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Who is Santa's all-time favourite pop singer?

Elfish Presley!

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What do you call Santa when he's on a tea break?

Santa Pause!

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What does Santa use to bake cakes?

Elf-raising flour!

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What's red and white, red and white, red and white?

Santa rolling down a hill!

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What is Santa's sister called?

Mary Christmas!

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What does Santa do when his elves misbehave?

He gives them the sack!

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What did Santa do when he went speed dating?

He pulled a cracker.

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Who do Santa’s helpers call when they’re ill?

The National Elf Service!

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What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

A Christmas quacker!

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Where do Santa and his reindeer go to get hot chocolate while flying in the sky?

Star-bucks!

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How does Santa lift a frozen car?

With the help of Jack Frost.

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Why did Santa put a clock on the sleigh?

He wanted to see time fly.

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Where do you find reindeers?

It depends on where Santa leaves them.

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How does Santa measure on the metric system?

With a Santameter.

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What is Santa's favorite breakfast?

Frosted flakes.

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Why does Santa have a white beard?

So that he can hide at the north pole.

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What's as big as Santa on a Christmas tree but weighs nothing?

The shadow.

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Where does Father Christmas go to vote?

The north poll-ing station.

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Who will bring teeth gifts during Christmas?

Santa Floss.

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What is the best Christmas present in the whole world that you can receive?

That would be a broken drum - you can't beat it!

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Which of Santa's reindeer are dinosaurs afraid of?

Comet.

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What's Santa's favorite type of music?

Wrap.

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Why is Santa so good at karate?

He has a black belt.

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Why was Santa's little helper so sad?

He had low elf-esteem.

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Why did Santa go to the liquor store?

He was looking for holiday spirits.

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How does Santa take care of sick people?

He nurses them back to elf.

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How did Santa's little helper stop eating cookies?

He used elf control.

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What does Santa eat for breakfast?

Frosted Flakes.

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Where does Santa stay on vacation?

At a ho-ho-hotel.

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The elf-abet.

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What you get when you cross a duck with Santa?

A Christmas quacker.

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How did Santa respond when Mrs. Claus told him he forgot something from the store?

“But I checked the shopping list twice!”

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Which of Santa’s friends is the most chill?

Jack Frost.

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What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as she looked up at the sky?

“Looks like rain, dear.”

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How do Santa’s clothes stay so clean?

He washes them with (Yule)Tide.

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Why couldn’t Santa have cereal in the morning?

All of his bowls were filled with jelly.

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What kind of drink does Santa give to naughty girls and boys?

Coal-a.

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When Santa doesn’t want to do something, what does he say?

“Snow thanks!”

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What breakfast do Santa and his wife like to eat together?

Mistle-toast.

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What do Santa’s elves use to help them walk in the slippery snow?

Candy canes.

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Does Santa believe in fate?

Yep, he thinks whatever happens is (orna)meant to be.

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What would Santa be called if he went down a chimney with the fire going?

Crisp Kringle.

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Why did Santa and Mrs. Claus extend their garden?

They love to hoe hoe hoe.

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What does Santa pack when he goes on a tropical getaway?

A red suit.

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What’s Santa's favorite kind of roll?

Carols.

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What’s Santa’s favorite track and field event?

(North) pole-vaulting.

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Who automatically gets added to the nice list?

Anyone who cleans their chimney.

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What name does Santa use to check in at hotels on beach vacations?

Sandy Claus.

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Whenever someone asks Santa for help with their Christmas tree, what does he say?

“Fir sure!”

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What was one of Santa’s helpers called who kept making toys for himself?

S-elf-ish.

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Why does Santa use the chimney?

Because it soots him.

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What do Santa and Mrs. Claus play on game night?

Reindeer games.

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What’s Santa’s favorite cereal?

Corn (snow)Flakes.

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What does Santa say when he has a hard decision to make?

"I'm between a jingle bell rock and a hard place!"

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Why doesn't Santa use reindeer milk in his coffee?

He's on a deery-free diet!

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What did the sea say to Santa?

Nothing! It just waved!

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What do call Father Christmas after he's ran a marathon?

Panta Claus!

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What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?

Sant Applause!

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What do you call Santa's toasted marshmallow and melted chocolate treats?

Santa S'mores!

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How many presents can Santa fit into an empty sack?

Only one - after that, it isn't empty!

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How do you know if Santa's in your house?

You can sense his presents!

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Who solves crimes at Christmas?

Santa Clues!

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What do you call a broke Santa?

Saint Nickel-less!

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What do you call Santa living at the South Pole?

A lost clause!

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What is Santa’s drag name?

Sleigh Queen!

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What is Santa’s favourite US state to deliver presents?

Idaho-ho-ho!

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What did Santa say to the smoker?

"Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf!"

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What does Santa do with out of shape elves?

Sends them to an elf clinic!

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Why does Santa Claus always carry that big bag of gifts?

That’s just how he presents himself!

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What is it called when Santa claps his hands?

A Santapplause.

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What is a reindeer's opening line before telling a joke?

"This joke will surely sleigh you."

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What would an elf who won a Santa lottery be called?

A welfy.

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Why did Santa's little helper stand in the corner?

Because he had low elf esteem.

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What would you say Christmas time is?

A time when everyone gets Santamental.

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Where does Santa keep his suit when Christmas is over?

He keeps it in the Claus-et.

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Why is Santa scared of chimneys?

Because he's claus-trophobic.

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Why did Mrs. Claus get mad at Santa?

Because her husband was a flake.

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What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?

A rebel without a Claus.

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What’s Santa’s favorite fruit?

(Sugar)plums.

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What do you sing at Santa's birthday party?

Freeze a jolly good fellow!

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