You know, when we made our fancy little list of Christmas jokes, we noticed that one person (entity? deity?) wasn’t getting as much attention as he deserved. After all, he’s the main character in the festivities (sorry, Baby Jesus), and he should be getting his own list full of cool jokes. In addition to the one that he has on good/bad children, that is. So, to correct our shoddy faux pas, we’ve created another list, one that is rightfully dedicated to Santa jokes.
Now, what should you expect from these Santa Claus jokes, you might be wondering. Well, for starters, a good chunk of wits about his ungodly addiction to cookies and milk. However, we all know that he secretly does prefer a slice of pizza and a cold refreshing beverage. From that stems another good chunk of funny Santa jokes, and those are the ones on the improbable ratio of our beloved Father Christmas’ waist to the circumference of a regular-sized chimney. And what if there’s no chimney at all? A question unanswered yet often pondered on. And lastly, these jokes about Santa touch on the subject of him traveling at the speed of light (or even faster?) in his reindeer sleigh, visiting all the children around the globe and surveilling you all year round while you’re asleep. Lots of things to think and laugh about!
Right-o, our comprehensive collection of Santa jokes is just a teensy scroll down below, and you should absolutely check them out. Once you do, be sure to give the best jokes your vote so they’ll find their way to the top ranks of this list. And lastly, share this article with your family and friends! That is, if you’d like to!
How much did Santa's sleigh cost?
It was on the house.
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What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
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Why does Santa go through the chimney?
Because it soots him.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?
A "Holly" Davidson.
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What was wrong with the Grinch on Christmas?
He was feeling claus-trophobic.
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Who is Santa's least favorite reindeer?
Rude-olph.
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Why don't you ever see Santa Claus in the hospital?
Because he has private elf care.
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Where does Santa cash his checks?
At the snow bank.
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What's red and green and flies?
A sleigh-sick Santa.
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What's big and jolly and says, "Oh, oh, oh"?
Santa Claus walking backwards.
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How does Santa get his sleigh to fly?
"I have no eye deer."
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Why does Santa feel indebted to the elves?
Because he's an elf-made man.
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Who forgets to put on his underpants, then goes out to deliver presents?
Saint Knicker-less!
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How does Santa take pictures?
With his Pole-aroid camera.
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What do you call a crab that eats mince pies?
Santa Claws.
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What secret society would Santa never be a part of?
The Illuminaughty!
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What do you call Santa on a break?
Santa pause.
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What would you get if Santa was crossed with Sherlock?
Santa clues.
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Who delivers Christmas presents to cats and dogs?
Santa Paws.
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What did Santa name his pet frog?
Mistletoad.
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Why are elves such great motivational speakers?
They have plenty of elf-confidence.
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What’s the difference between a knight and Santa Claus?
One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh.
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Why wouldn’t you want to get into a fight with Santa?
He has a black belt.
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What’s Santa’s go-to fast food order?
A frosty.
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What did the elves call Santa when he accidentally stepped on a bag of cashews?
A nutcracker.
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What do you call an elf who sings?
A wrapper.
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Why is Christmas just like your job?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets the credit.
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What do you call Santa when he's wearing earmuffs?
Anything, he can't hear you.
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What's Santa's favorite candy?
Jolly Ranchers.
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Why does Santa have trouble spelling?
He thinks the alphabet has Noel.
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What's Santa's favorite potato chip?
Kringles.
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What do you call a cat who works for Santa?
Santa Claws.
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Who’s Santa’s favorite singer?
Elfish Presley.
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What is Santa’s dog’s name?
Santa Paws.
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How do elves respond when Santa takes attendance?
“Present!”
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Why is the alphabet in the North Pole different than the normal alphabet?
The North Pole’s alphabet has Noel.
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When someone delivers a package to Santa, what do they do?
Ring the (jingle) bell.
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What does Santa say on the night of Christmas?
"Time to hit the sack!"
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What’s Santa’s go-to doughnut order?
A jolly-filled doughnut.
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Why was Santa having money problems?
He was nickel-less.
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What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santa on his birthday?
“Freeze a jolly good fellow!”
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What smells the most in Santa’s sleigh?
Santa’s nose.
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Anytime something happens that Santa can’t believe, what does he say?
“That’s (chest)nuts!”
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Why does Mrs. Claus love the Christmas season?
It makes her feel so santa-mental.
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What kind of weather is Santa’s favorite?
Sweater weather.
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What kind of bread did Santa make during quarantine?
Gingerbread.
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How do you wash your hands at Christmas?
With hand Santa-tizer!
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Why does Santa like his reindeer to have antlers?
So he can get better TV reception in the sleigh!
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Why was Santa forced to shut his grotto?
He was being investigated by the Elf and Safety Executive!
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Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?
No, they already have names!
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What do you call Santa Clause's reindeer wranglers?
Jolly Ranchers!
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How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh and reindeer?
Nothing, it's on the house!
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What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
Subordinate Clauses!
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Which one of Santa’s reindeer has the best moves?
Dancer!
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What does Santa spend his wages on?
Jingle Bills!
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Why doesn’t Santa eat junk food?
Because it’s bad for your elf!
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Who delivers Christmas presents to baby sharks?
Santa Jaws.
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Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had low elf esteem!
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Who is Santa's all-time favourite pop singer?
Elfish Presley!
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What do you call Santa when he's on a tea break?
Santa Pause!
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What does Santa use to bake cakes?
Elf-raising flour!
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What's red and white, red and white, red and white?
Santa rolling down a hill!
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What is Santa's sister called?
Mary Christmas!
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What does Santa do when his elves misbehave?
He gives them the sack!
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What did Santa do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker.
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Who do Santa’s helpers call when they’re ill?
The National Elf Service!
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What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas quacker!
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Where do Santa and his reindeer go to get hot chocolate while flying in the sky?
Star-bucks!
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How does Santa lift a frozen car?
With the help of Jack Frost.
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Why did Santa put a clock on the sleigh?
He wanted to see time fly.
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Where do you find reindeers?
It depends on where Santa leaves them.
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How does Santa measure on the metric system?
With a Santameter.
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What is Santa's favorite breakfast?
Frosted flakes.
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Why does Santa have a white beard?
So that he can hide at the north pole.
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What's as big as Santa on a Christmas tree but weighs nothing?
The shadow.
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Where does Father Christmas go to vote?
The north poll-ing station.
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Who will bring teeth gifts during Christmas?
Santa Floss.
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What is the best Christmas present in the whole world that you can receive?
That would be a broken drum - you can't beat it!
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Which of Santa's reindeer are dinosaurs afraid of?
Comet.
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What's Santa's favorite type of music?
Wrap.
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Why is Santa so good at karate?
He has a black belt.
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Why was Santa's little helper so sad?
He had low elf-esteem.
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Why did Santa go to the liquor store?
He was looking for holiday spirits.
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How does Santa take care of sick people?
He nurses them back to elf.
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How did Santa's little helper stop eating cookies?
He used elf control.
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What does Santa eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
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Where does Santa stay on vacation?
At a ho-ho-hotel.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.
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What you get when you cross a duck with Santa?
A Christmas quacker.
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How did Santa respond when Mrs. Claus told him he forgot something from the store?
“But I checked the shopping list twice!”
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Which of Santa’s friends is the most chill?
Jack Frost.
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What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as she looked up at the sky?
“Looks like rain, dear.”
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How do Santa’s clothes stay so clean?
He washes them with (Yule)Tide.
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Why couldn’t Santa have cereal in the morning?
All of his bowls were filled with jelly.
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What kind of drink does Santa give to naughty girls and boys?
Coal-a.
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When Santa doesn’t want to do something, what does he say?
“Snow thanks!”
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What breakfast do Santa and his wife like to eat together?
Mistle-toast.
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What do Santa’s elves use to help them walk in the slippery snow?
Candy canes.
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Does Santa believe in fate?
Yep, he thinks whatever happens is (orna)meant to be.
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What would Santa be called if he went down a chimney with the fire going?
Crisp Kringle.
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Why did Santa and Mrs. Claus extend their garden?
They love to hoe hoe hoe.
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What does Santa pack when he goes on a tropical getaway?
A red suit.
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What’s Santa's favorite kind of roll?
Carols.
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What’s Santa’s favorite track and field event?
(North) pole-vaulting.
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Who automatically gets added to the nice list?
Anyone who cleans their chimney.
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What name does Santa use to check in at hotels on beach vacations?
Sandy Claus.
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Whenever someone asks Santa for help with their Christmas tree, what does he say?
“Fir sure!”
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What was one of Santa’s helpers called who kept making toys for himself?
S-elf-ish.
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Why does Santa use the chimney?
Because it soots him.
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What do Santa and Mrs. Claus play on game night?
Reindeer games.
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What’s Santa’s favorite cereal?
Corn (snow)Flakes.
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What does Santa say when he has a hard decision to make?
"I'm between a jingle bell rock and a hard place!"
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Why doesn't Santa use reindeer milk in his coffee?
He's on a deery-free diet!
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What did the sea say to Santa?
Nothing! It just waved!
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What do call Father Christmas after he's ran a marathon?
Panta Claus!
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What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
Sant Applause!
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What do you call Santa's toasted marshmallow and melted chocolate treats?
Santa S'mores!
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How many presents can Santa fit into an empty sack?
Only one - after that, it isn't empty!
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How do you know if Santa's in your house?
You can sense his presents!
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Who solves crimes at Christmas?
Santa Clues!
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What do you call a broke Santa?
Saint Nickel-less!
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What do you call Santa living at the South Pole?
A lost clause!
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What is Santa’s drag name?
Sleigh Queen!
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What is Santa’s favourite US state to deliver presents?
Idaho-ho-ho!
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What did Santa say to the smoker?
"Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf!"
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What does Santa do with out of shape elves?
Sends them to an elf clinic!
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Why does Santa Claus always carry that big bag of gifts?
That’s just how he presents himself!
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What is it called when Santa claps his hands?
A Santapplause.
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What is a reindeer's opening line before telling a joke?
"This joke will surely sleigh you."
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What would an elf who won a Santa lottery be called?
A welfy.
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Why did Santa's little helper stand in the corner?
Because he had low elf esteem.
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What would you say Christmas time is?
A time when everyone gets Santamental.
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Where does Santa keep his suit when Christmas is over?
He keeps it in the Claus-et.
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Why is Santa scared of chimneys?
Because he's claus-trophobic.
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Why did Mrs. Claus get mad at Santa?
Because her husband was a flake.
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What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.
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What’s Santa’s favorite fruit?
(Sugar)plums.
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What do you sing at Santa's birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!
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