Committing to a relationship with someone means you're putting your heart into their hands and letting them decide what to do with it. If you're lucky, they will nurture it and the two of you will form a connection like no other. But they might break it, too. Which is why the people we love the most are the ones that can make us the maddest, too.
A breakup or divorce can be one of the most stressful and emotional experiences in our lives. The (abrupt) end of a relationship can turn our whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling emotions. Like a burning desire for revenge.
We at Bored Panda compiled a list of vivid examples to show you what things lovers are capable of if their (ex) partners hurt them badly enough. They may not guarantee a path toward a healthy recovery, but everyone has their own way of coping.
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To get a better understanding of these actions and the feelings that caused them, we contacted psychotherapist, writer, and consultant, Kaytee Gillis.
"Stories of people getting revenge for feeling betrayed or wronged in relationships fill movie scripts, and the behaviors are even encouraged and laughed at in many social groups," Gillis, who has a deep passion for helping survivors of traumatic relationships — whether familial or romantic — told Bored Panda.
"One famous song even boasts lyrics about smashing headlights and slicing someone's tires for cheating. Although music is an expressive art form [and it is] most likely not a true story, it shines a light on behaviors that many excuse. And while it might be normal to want to get revenge over being wronged, actually taking action to do that can quickly turn into unhealthy behaviors, or even abuse."
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Gillis, the author of It's Not "High Conflict" It's Post-Separation Abuse, thinks that being hurt after the ending of a relationship is normal.
"If the person wronged you somehow, such as breaking your heart, ghosting you or cheating, it can [even] feel devastating," she said.
"But when pain and anger turn into behaviors that put another person's safety or livelihood at risk, this is abusive and is never a good way to cope with the pain of a breakup."
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The psychotherapist said that destroying property, spreading rumors as an attempt to harm or discredit someone, keeping the children away from them, or boasting about getting them fired from their job are all common ways that people try to get revenge on an ex.
"However, this form of revenge is what mental health clinicians refer to as post-separation abuse, or abuse that takes place after a relationship ends. Revenge is abusive, and putting someone's safety at risk is never okay, and it is never funny," Gillis emphasized.
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Knowing how to break up could possibly remedy some of the emotions that lead to the extreme lengths that Gillis has mentioned. And while it's not easy for anyone to be good at it, teens are particularly bad at ending things, and growing up online has made it worse.
Though most teens think the best way to break up is in person, 37 percent of them consider a text breakup at least moderately acceptable and 1 in 4 thinks it's okay to do the job by simply changing your social media status to "single."
That's according to a Pew Research Center report that came out in 2015, five years before the pandemic sent everyone's social lives, and so much else, even further into cyberspace.
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"If you feel you must get revenge, it is important to take time and self-reflect on why this is," Gillis said. "Is it to 'get back at' someone who wronged you?"
"Recognize that these feelings themselves are not abnormal, and have compassion for the part of you that feels wronged, but do not take action."
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"It is okay, and even encouraged, to vent about that person to your friends, family, and support system. Write about them in your journal. But do not post publicly on social media, as this will make you look immature and vindictive."
"And, as always, remember that any acts of violence or abuse are illegal, and could result in fines, imprisonment, and will obviously make you look vindictive and abusive. Instead, seek mental health support to help you through this time if you feel that you are going to take action to harm someone out of revenge," the psychotherapist said.
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I work as a paralegal in a family law office. DO. NOT. DO. THIS. If the husband hires an attorney, they will force you to pay for that sh*t you destroyed or even file criminal charges against you. That will only hurt you in the long run because you could have gotten money from the sale of the house. Not it will take THOUSANDS to repair and you may not sell the house for years.
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Title should read: "70 total jerks wreaking petty revenge on their exes". Grow up, people.
Cheating is one of the most psychologically, emotionally, financially destructive, hateful acts a partner can do -- and it is also poses danger to the cheated on partner, even physical. So while I don't advocate anything that puts the cheated on partner in any legal danger; I say do what you need to to A. Teach the cheater a lesson and B. Enable you to feel some sort of release -- and obtain closure. In conclusion, I disagree with all the self-righteous moralizing demonizing "petty revenge" here. DO WHAT YOU NEED TO. If you're okay with walking away without taking any action; that's on you. It's not for you to judge anyone else. I've never cheated.
Load More Replies...My ex husband stayed out all night snorting coke twice while I sat at home all night with our kid terrified something horrible had happened to him. Then when I confronted him about it and he admitted to using cocaine both times he blamed ME because he said he was so depressed about the fact we didnt have enough sex. So you know what I did? I moved out, sent him money for half the bills of the last month I lived there and told him that when he gets his act together and gets in a good place mentally that I'll make sure he can see his son as much as he wants and that Im rooting for him to find peace. Because I'm not an emotionally stunted psychopath who thinks the world revolves around me.
I don't believe in these petty acts of revenge. Living well without them is the best revenge. Walk away, maintain your dignity and behave like an adult.
Same! To see so many people applauding this behavior is disturbing.
Load More Replies...I had the best revenge on my ex-husband. I ignored him and went on to live a happy life.
I left my abusive ex. I had to have the police present to pick up my belongings that my ex packed up and left outside in the rain. I actually laughed out loud when I saw he used the single ads as wrapping in the boxes. I hope he and his mother had a beautiful life together.
No I didn't like this post either I don't believe in revenge so childish.
A friend of mine’s husband cheated on her. She found out when she was being interviewed by the local paper at work and the photographer, an attractive young woman, was gushing over her boyfriend and showed my friend a picture of her husband. My friend kind of lost her mind, threw him out and set fire to his stuff. Her husband moved back in with his mother. But her real revenge was when she called his mother and ratted him out. His mother threw him out too and brought over some of his stuff for another bonfire.
Every time l've been cheated on l've just walked away, but if l were to take revenge l'd make sure to not leave fingerprints. Too many of these can backfire spectacularly
Happily married now, but I've never cheated, EVER; I've been cheated on-- but, never dumped. I always trusted my intuition and didn't need to "prove" anything. However, things revealed themselves to me and I walked away. Left, and... In most cases, I took no revenge, petty or otherwise; I didn't need to; I'm f*****g marvelous and it's your loss... Only in one case, did I take petty revenge, and I don't remember why. (It's always justified.) A partner's cheating poses danger - physically, financially - and in other ways. I support anyone taking revenge if it doesn't backfire on you. If it helps you get closure and teaches the cheater a lesson, DO IT. Anyone who imagines that all petty revenge is "wrong" -- Blah. Blah. Blah. -- is f*****g self-righteous and a bore.
This post reminds me of teachers saying you should not harm a bully in any way, no matter what they did to you, because then you'd be "just as bad as them"
Load More Replies...Most of these should have negative scores. Not just 1 out of 70
Title should read: "70 total jerks wreaking petty revenge on their exes". Grow up, people.
Cheating is one of the most psychologically, emotionally, financially destructive, hateful acts a partner can do -- and it is also poses danger to the cheated on partner, even physical. So while I don't advocate anything that puts the cheated on partner in any legal danger; I say do what you need to to A. Teach the cheater a lesson and B. Enable you to feel some sort of release -- and obtain closure. In conclusion, I disagree with all the self-righteous moralizing demonizing "petty revenge" here. DO WHAT YOU NEED TO. If you're okay with walking away without taking any action; that's on you. It's not for you to judge anyone else. I've never cheated.
Load More Replies...My ex husband stayed out all night snorting coke twice while I sat at home all night with our kid terrified something horrible had happened to him. Then when I confronted him about it and he admitted to using cocaine both times he blamed ME because he said he was so depressed about the fact we didnt have enough sex. So you know what I did? I moved out, sent him money for half the bills of the last month I lived there and told him that when he gets his act together and gets in a good place mentally that I'll make sure he can see his son as much as he wants and that Im rooting for him to find peace. Because I'm not an emotionally stunted psychopath who thinks the world revolves around me.
I don't believe in these petty acts of revenge. Living well without them is the best revenge. Walk away, maintain your dignity and behave like an adult.
Same! To see so many people applauding this behavior is disturbing.
Load More Replies...I had the best revenge on my ex-husband. I ignored him and went on to live a happy life.
I left my abusive ex. I had to have the police present to pick up my belongings that my ex packed up and left outside in the rain. I actually laughed out loud when I saw he used the single ads as wrapping in the boxes. I hope he and his mother had a beautiful life together.
No I didn't like this post either I don't believe in revenge so childish.
A friend of mine’s husband cheated on her. She found out when she was being interviewed by the local paper at work and the photographer, an attractive young woman, was gushing over her boyfriend and showed my friend a picture of her husband. My friend kind of lost her mind, threw him out and set fire to his stuff. Her husband moved back in with his mother. But her real revenge was when she called his mother and ratted him out. His mother threw him out too and brought over some of his stuff for another bonfire.
Every time l've been cheated on l've just walked away, but if l were to take revenge l'd make sure to not leave fingerprints. Too many of these can backfire spectacularly
Happily married now, but I've never cheated, EVER; I've been cheated on-- but, never dumped. I always trusted my intuition and didn't need to "prove" anything. However, things revealed themselves to me and I walked away. Left, and... In most cases, I took no revenge, petty or otherwise; I didn't need to; I'm f*****g marvelous and it's your loss... Only in one case, did I take petty revenge, and I don't remember why. (It's always justified.) A partner's cheating poses danger - physically, financially - and in other ways. I support anyone taking revenge if it doesn't backfire on you. If it helps you get closure and teaches the cheater a lesson, DO IT. Anyone who imagines that all petty revenge is "wrong" -- Blah. Blah. Blah. -- is f*****g self-righteous and a bore.
This post reminds me of teachers saying you should not harm a bully in any way, no matter what they did to you, because then you'd be "just as bad as them"
Load More Replies...Most of these should have negative scores. Not just 1 out of 70