Well, as some comments said, we only have one side of the story. No matter how the issue has been, yes they handle it very badly but we have no idea if the girls indeed tried to signal that they couldnt cope or not. I wonder if it had been a long process of nightly calls, hour long talk and simply to much grief and anxeity to handle for the friends. The therapist wasnt enough, but I wish they could have sat down with a neutral part who could habe helped them found a balance between a level of support they where comfortable with and her needs. All have life, studies and own problem. And is very young. The option to simply go no contact may have been very tempting.

A lot of people don't understand mental health issues and that people are not acting out on purpose. It can be a very humiliating experience to have a panic attack in front of someone, and it certainly doesn't help to put them down for it. The most important thing is to stay calm yourself when you are around someone having a panic attack. Don't make it into a big deal. Just be there as support because it will pass. Because I have had them before, when I once encountered another person having one I immediately recognized it and made sure that she didn't feel bad about the way she was reacting and just told her that it would be okay. I don't think she even knew what was happening to her, but I was able to help her through it.

I can see both sides on this one. The daughter obviously has ongoing mental health issues that are being exacerbated by the news of her mother's cancer. It makes sense for her to try to reach out to friends, and roommates comment was out of line, regardless. On the other hand, I get the impression that she may have been doing this a lot, and constantly having to talk someone off a cliff is emotionally draining. honestly, it sounds like she should have put off school for a bit. She doesn't seem equipped to handle the extra stress right now, if her panic attacks are so easily triggered, despite 10 years of therapy. Truthfully, I'd start to feel manipulated as a friend if every confrontation led to an immediate panic attacks. She may not be able to help it, (I would think therapy would give her better tools though) but others shouldn't have to walk on eggshells and submit to every request either. It's roommates home too. Moving out was probably best for both of them.

If you are a friend and your friend is going through something be honest. You can say Sam I really want to be here for you but I'm not any good when you have a panic attack. It scare's me and I don't know what to do. This gives Jan information and she can say May be you can hold me?Give me space for a few hours. Bring ice cream? But don't leave your friend just hanging. You could give her a hug and tell her you will call later. This is why I don't like being around people. This type of sh*t some people do is just beyond me. I like to be left alone. But when you have a friend that is in/or having trouble don't leave them for your insecurities!! Someday you may have a panic attack!

Unpopular opinion but I bet the roommate and friends are much better off with this woman gone from their lives, who despite being in therapy is NOT able to handle normal life. Therapy since 8???? Her mothers cancer is horrible, but I've lost a parent to cancer in college and had a child with cancer - life goes on. How do we know the friends aren't going through similar stuff with their family???? I hope the mother get great treatment and the daughter figures her sh*t out.

Whilst I agree that going to college at a time when your mother is diagnosed with cancer must be extremely difficult, I can also see the roommates point of view. She is there to study, experience new things and meet new people and is just becoming an adult so the struggles of a practical stranger are really not her problem. I don’t understand why her long term friends would abandon her in favour of her new roommate though. My friend lost her mother to cancer when we were college age. There were 8 of us and we stuck together. We were a family. 3 of us had lost a parent prior to this so we may have been in a better position to empathise but I can’t imagine abandoning a friend who needed me. I’m sure we had different values 30 years ago but I believe they were better values and people were much more compassionate.

yeah no, im with the friends on this. if all your long-time friends suddenly distance themselves, you need to take a long hard look at yourself & wonder why. those girls were just trying to get through their first year of college & the daughter was making them deal with her anxiety & panic attacks, which are a LOT for friends to handle. i have full-blown ptsd from playing personal therapist/suicide watch literally 24/7 for my "best friend" for four years, which resulted in me becoming extremely depressed & suicidal myself. yeah, daughter's situation is sad, but it isn't her friends' responsibility to help her through it outside of therapy sessions if it takes a toll on their own well-being, & from the sounds of it, daughter was a huge drain on her friends. i wish the mom well with her battle against cancer, but her daughter needs to learn that other people have hardships & mental health issues too, & they may not be able to deal with hers for her as well as their own.

Obviously her friends were not as close as she thought they were. But there is a message that shouldn't be ignored. Oftentimes when people have panic attacks and such there is expectations that their friends are there for them To talk to or comfort or sometimes even advise. If this young lady has a lot of episodes, it can become too much drama for someone who is just trying to "get through" the college experience. Expecting your friends to change their life to cater to you can be unfair also. But...that does not have to end friendships. A good friend can just say "I don't feel qualified to help you with this issue. Is there anyone I can call on your behalf?" A little empathy can go a long way in maintaining friendships. To me; I don't think these were ever the friends she thought or hoped they were and at the same time it appears that the episodes were frequent and that can put a burden on the strongest of bonds. I hope she finds the tools necessary to deal with her issues.

Sounds like Mom's side of story, would be interesting to hear from the daughters friends......

This is a tough one, and made difficult due to a complete lack of information. Was this really malicious manipulation from a roommate from hell, or was the daughter's behavior much more caustic than what is being let on? Sounds like the daughter already has/had a lot of help, and there's certainly a lot of leeway for someone with these issues while dealing with some difficult circumstances. Overall very unfortunate all round.

If EVERYONE in your social circle turns on you, you're likely the problem. You cannot dictate to someone who is living in a space and paying rent who they can have over as a guest. I think the actions of the daughter actually show exactly what everyone was getting at. She does sound toxic.

I count myself as a very compassionate person. I've had compassion shown to me also. That said, there comes a time when you have to take a good look at your actions and maybe realize that you've become TOO needy, or prone to drama (such as ongoing panic attacks)and lean on professionals equipped to handle emotional issues. Most college students have a lot going on and a friend who is always blue, downcast, dramatic, helpless and needy requires a whole lot of energy to deal with regularly. I'm saying this as someone who WAS an emotional wreck at one point and had a good enough to be honest friend point out my behavior in a kind but straightforward way. It sounds like past issues have set up the daughter to be a bit overly dramatic and emotional. A panic attack at people being over to the house (people she knew) is a sign that the daughter needs to continue therapy, and perhaps be on medication for a while until she learns coping skills, etc.

Barakatbadger comment really showing that they’re, in fact, an awful friend/person. A fair few of my friends have had the misfortune of going through the cancer journey (and losing for a few of them). It’s hard to watch their fear, panic, and grief but damn it’s not hard to just be there with them, check on them, and when needed just give them space. To be a compassionate human being towards another.

She sounds like a needy drama queen! Everyone being against your behavior doesn't add up to you being the victim.

Wow, they really sucked! Talk about fair weather friends. Can't imagine being so self-absorbed to leave a friend in such a trying time as your parent being diagnosed with cancer. I hope roommate learned something when she came home to an empty flat.

I remember the middle of sixth grade, a boy in the neighboring class' mom died of breast cancer. He suddenly lost nearly all of his friends and people stayed away from him. It's like humans believe they can keep cancer away instinctively by being àssholes. Makes no sense to me. Trust me, death is still coming for us all.

those friends were using her anyway....strong work